Chronicles Of Blog Visitor Narrative.

Hmmmm.........some people lack self love!

 My dear Stella. I wish to share the narrative of a god-baby sister of mine who's in a peculiar predicament with the father of her adorable child. Of course with her permission I share this with the hope of getting  the sincerest views of your delectable Bvs. This narrative is quite lengthy but will summarize as much as I can. Please bear with me. 

 Let's call her Ruth (not her real name). And I'll give you an insight to her personality for a better understanding.

 Ruth, sadly, has been very unlucky with men. She lives in the U.S. And was once married but the relationship hit the rocks barely two years later. She was in the process of getting a divorce from her previous hubby when she met this young man who is now the father of her child. Being that she's resident in the U.S and her estranged husband was living in Nigeria, she travelled to Nigeria to call it quits officially by seeking for a divorce. However, this

 baby daddy of hers is the center of this narrative. 

 She (Ruth) became cordial with this new man that she met in Nigeria. Let me also add that he wasn't a stranger to her totally, as she grew up with him in the same neighbourhood even though they were never close. But with the influence of both their family members a casual relationship began. She explained to him her mission in Nigeria at the time, which was to seek a divorce from her estranged husband. This new man of hers (let's call him Tony) supported her through the process, and soon after they kicked of a relationship...albeit without serious commitment.

Apart from travelling to Nigeria to process her divorce, she also planned to start her life afresh by staying back in Nigeria to pursue her career. By her recount of events, Tony at the start of their affair wasn't particularly serious. She also wasn't keen on any emotional journey yet, as she hadn't recovered fully from her messy divorce with ex hubby. 

They had sex just twice ..(Tony and Ruth) and she fell pregnant the second time.  A development that would change her life forever. A development that would now obstruct her earlier plan to settle home to a new life. Soon enough, Ruth informed Tony that she was pregnant. And his first reaction was to tell her that he was not in any way ready for a child, hence she should sort herself out. She was devastated and confused. Let me quickly chip in that, Ruth had always wanted to get pregnant even when she was married. She engaged in all sorts of fertility therapy but failed due to the fact that her ex husband wasn't having sex with her due to geographical distance. One of the reasons their marriage fell apart.

 Anyway, she told Tony she was capable of taking care of her child, and as such, will not be tampering with the pregnancy. She asked that all she wanted from him was for him to accept it was his child.. After a lot of fracas, their common friends and family intervened and were able to talk Tony into accepting his responsibility. Remember that I earlier stated that they all grew up in the same neighbourhood..so others like them were able to prevail on Tony for peace and posterity. 

 The plan now was for Ruth to return to the U.S to birth her child, being that she's a U.S citizen with benefits. Tony started to fend for her needs, he would give her money for her upkeep as well. So when Ruth returned to the U.S, her relationship with Tony returned to normal and they communicated quite well. He became exceptionally kind towards her. This made Ruth happy. They both planned for Tony to join her in the U.S, so to have him around for the arrival of their baby. 

 Soon enough Tony arrived the U.S and decided to put up with Ruth as was expected. Now, fellow Sdkers, let me remind you that Tony and Ruth only had sex twice before she fell pregnant for him. After that, they didn't have sex again. With Tony now in the U.s with Ruth, he still would not touch her or have sex with her. She wasn't really perturbed at first, but his presence in her house later revealed a lot about Tony. As before this, she didn't really know his character. 

 He was taking care of her needs financially without default. She appreciated him but was wondering why he wouldn't touch her. Although they lived together but like room mates. He avoided body contacts with her, slept on the couch, but was disposed to settling her financial needs. Everyone referred to them as husband and wife, she became cordial with his mother who was really excited about having a grandchild. While everyone saw them as a couple outside, the story was different in the house. This got Ruth frustrated but she played along without informing anyone.

 Then the baby arrives. A baby boy. Everyone was happy, including Tony who at first didn't want the baby. Did I mention that when they have any little arguments in the house, he always made it a point to remind her of the fact that he earlier said he didn't want a child, but that she agreed she would take care of it. Therefore he doesn't want any hassles. Tony was in the U.S with a tourist visa, but then, they decided that it was best for Ruth to change his status in the U.S for convenience...since he was already over staying his visa.

To be able to legalize his stay in America, they got married, and this was when trouble started..(we thought the wedding was real)  Tony wanted to legalise his stay in the U.S.. while Ruth on the other hand wanted to build a family with Tony and their son. As she thought that the arrival of their son would change things. However, both had disparities in their desires for each other.. Tony continued to live in the house like a room mate. All he was interested in was his son and the citizenship that Ruth could afford him. Although he behaved as if he wasn't keen on the papers, making it seem like it was Ruth that needed him more in America so to have easy access to their son. 

He felt like Ruth wanted him around to cover shame so that people won't laugh at her for having a child without being with the father. So he played on that by treating her bad. When Ruth couldn't bear how selfish Tony was, she decided to inform us of her predicament and fake union with Tony. As everyone thought that the wedding they had was genuine.

 What we thought was a real marriage that they had wasn't the case. The marriage was to Tony an easy way to get his papers. And on the strength that they have a child together it would make the filing process easier. Ruth complained of a loveless relationship (she thought they had one).. and how she has been deprived of sex. Tony later opened up and said that having sex with her in the first place was a terrible mistake, even the pregnancy, but he admitted that the child was now a blessing to him. He later told her in plain terms that he did not want a relationship. He grew to love this child and this was the ONLY reason he stuck to Ruth. The citizenship being the second casual reason. It became clear that which Tony wanted. Although Ruth, amidst her heart ache was determined to carry on with filing Tony's papers for him. Not because he deserves it, but she said that it was because of her son that she'll carry on. 

 Tony started to treat Ruth like shit in the house. He became arrogant and was never appreciative of anything she did for him. Although he's the bill payer for the most part, yet he couldn't hide his resentment towards his son's mother. Many people called Ruth a fool, and some even swore that they would never file for such a man who detests her so much. He told whoever cared to listen that Ruth isn't his kind of woman, that she wasn't sexy enough and he wasn't ready to be committed to any woman. He said the whole thing was a mistake from the onset. But that he however loves his son and would take care of him until death. What about Ruth? 

 So many fights, issues, incidents, insults, and what have you, happened after the baby arrived. Even his mother begged him to settle down with Ruth because she thinks she's a good person, but to no avail. Both Ruth and Tony just decided to tolerate each other in the house. They slept separately too. Still NO SEX. Ruth became stuck...and very sad.  Yet, still insistent on filing for Tony's U.S citizenship ... because she had a covenant with God and Tony that even as he doesn't like the sight of her, God used him to give her a child that she always wanted. So to her she isn't losing out as such. She said that it's her own way of saying thank you. Crazy right? 

 Tony treats Ruth as if she's under the obligation to give him what he wants. He doesn't speak to her in the house, yet eats her food when she cooks it. He hardly seeks to know what is going on with her, would rarely attend to their child when she's busy or sick, said so much relegating things about her to her friends who later started to mock her for being so desperate to be with Tony. The entire "world" now knows that he doesn't sleep with her or ever did since the last one that got her pregnant.

 But Ruth is bent on proceeding with his papers. This is my grievance. Do you think she should file for him? His mother calls Ruth everyday showing anger about her son's behaviour to Ruth. She keeps comforting her with the promise that he'll change. But rather, he gets worse by the day. Everyone thinks Ruth is crazy, but Ruth thinks that filing for him will better the future of their son together. Since they say that America is a land of opportunity.

Too long a story that I had to leave out many details. But the bottom line is thus, we have a situation of a man who isn't interested in Ruth for a girl friend or as a wife, but deals with her as his baby mama. He brags that at his young age he's a made man with a lot of money, and that he will continue to provide for her because of their son. But the possibility of having a relationship should be ruled out cos it ain't happening. Ruth has accepted this and they agreed to be cordial so to raise their child together. 

 As I write this they have started with the immigration process. What do you think Sdkers? Isn't this going to spoil her chances when she meets a man who'll want to be with her for real? Granted that she can divorce baby daddy after a while and marry someone else. But does this guy deserve it, going by his treatment towards her that has now destroyed her self esteem? A man who tells you to your face that he's not attracted to you, can't be your husband but will be there for you and the baby no matter what? As if money is sufficient enough to mend the gap? And this same money cannot buy him the citizenship he desires.

 Please share your views because I'll have her read through the submissions here since those of us around her may seem bias or emotionally distraught and irritated by his act of sheer insolence. 

 Thanks house. And thanks Stella.

She is an adult and he dealt her the cards right from the beginning...she knew what she was going in for so i think you all should mind your business and watch Ruth because i think she has a plan up her sleeves...If i was Tony,i would fear and either change or leave.

Ruth is an adult with her eyes wide open and i insist that she KNOWS what she is doing.

I hope this doesnt end up in .........