Can a man marry another wife when the first wife has no womb?
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
WIFE WITHOUT WOMB
This gist is for real. The couple got married and after series of tests and perpetual pains on the part of the lady It was discovered by doctors that she had endometriosis.
Aftera while they relocated and there they were advised to remove the womb so as to reduce the pain and prolong her life which they both consented to.
Aftera while they relocated and there they were advised to remove the womb so as to reduce the pain and prolong her life which they both consented to.
Womb was removed. They adopted a little girl.
Fast forward to 2011, the husband met a lady who he intends to marry as a second wife so that he will have children by her and sought the consent of the first wife to do so!
She refused.
He really desires to have his own children. What should the man do?
Please your urgent and precise contribution is needed here.
And for those that will come here to say this Story is from a movie or a novel or that Stella made it,No,it is for real.
Thank you.
She may have lost her womb but she is still in pains and that pain is the fear of another woman carrying a baby she couldnt carry for the man she married.
The man should not let her know but just go ahead with his plans..he should also not stop loving her.
I know of a case like this,the woman still has her womb but has been through over 30 miscarriages,each one up to seven months each.The hubby got another wife with the help of his people and kept on being the loving husband,after the three kids with the other wife and an almost plan crash in his private jet,he called a family meeting and confessed.The wife was too weak to fight or cry.
They are still together.
Read comments.
ReplyDeleteBe encouraged.
Learn.
Be better
Stella,shame on u,as a christian,it's for better or worse
DeleteShe better not read these comments. These women will tell their fellow woman to thank God the man is nice to her and embrace an adopted child. But they will tell a man to commit adultery like God has separate punishment for men.she should have gone to a respectable counselor for questions like this.
DeleteMen are never always loyal! They must be d defaulters in any holy' arrangements cos of their roving eyes and insatiable manhoods.
DeleteStella u dat is giving dat advice,i need u to know dat his main purpose for this act is cos he went out there and got a gf,one thing led to another,now they are in love and feel dey should marry.so obviously the best excuse is to use his wife's lack of womb.smh!
But women stay will men even after they have a vasectomy or are paralized without bringing up silly excuses along d line.#sigh#all these men,dia is God oo!
What is the need??? "Men are never always..." Wetin de bear such?
DeleteStella don talk am finish ohhh.Just negodu
ReplyDeleteWill be back to read comments
********LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*******
Mumu, wat do u knw??? Just imagine u sayin stella don talk am finish.... Brainless gal, ofcus u'd eat any crap presented to u cus u have no clue.
DeleteThanks ooo
DeleteWhat did stella talk finish? Nawa o.
DeletePls they should get a surrogate that will carry their child. Its not like the wife is not producing any eggs. She did get pregnant didn't she? Pls man DONT BE SELFISH!
If he loves his wife as much as he claims, he will find a surrogate to carry his and his wife's baby instead of getting another lady pregnant because he really wants to have kids. Does he think his wife doesn't want kids of her own too?. Abeg shift.
Boring!
ReplyDeleteReally? Some of you have no brain at all. Someone is in pain and all you can type is boring? Next time just skip the post if u ve nothing meaningful to type.
DeleteShurrrrrrup!
DeleteIfe na eme na uwa.
ReplyDeleteMen this is heavy. Dunno what to say other than it is well.
ReplyDeleteLet me read comments...
ReplyDeleteGods grace is super needed here for some major decisions must be taken...
Deletei disagree wit u stella on ur option of secret mariage. ...mba ...ajuru m aju..
im sure she will still consent..
The woman is very wicked and selfish....since you can't give your husband a child,why don't you encourage him to get married to someone else that would do that...
ReplyDeleteMtcheeeeww...
The man should ahead and get another wife joor...
If you are a woman and your husband cant father a child,please leave that marriage and go get it else where...
That's not a fair assessment. It's not her fault that she can't have kids for him. I don't think anyone in her position will welcome this without hesitation. I'm sure she doesn't want any woman to come between her and her husband .
DeleteLinda this ur reasoning no make brain at all...
DeleteDo u have any idea what endometriosis is? Do have any idea the kind of pain she wud be goin tru Pls we shud learn to think extensively B4 we comment.
DeletePray that it never happens to you. We shall see how flippant you will be in the first wives shoes. I don't support it or any advice for a second wife. They live abroad. The couple can get a surrogate that is a woman whose womb that they can implant an egg fertilized by the man's sperm. If they were smart enough to freeze/preserve the wife's eggs before removing her womb, better. The wife's eggs will be used. When the child is born and it's handed over to the couple. And the surrogate is paid. Shekina. The man has a child with his DNA. This is done frequently overseas so the man has no excuse. If with this option the man still wants to marry another woman then unfortunately the man just wants to dump his wife and is using childlessness as a convenient excuse.
DeleteVillage mentality. Education and exposure is so important. Imagine your in law having challenges, na die be that.
Delete@ queen,i support you on this. The woman is selfish.
DeleteHmmmm! They could use a surrogate.
ReplyDeleteBut if d man is bent on marrying another wife,
Her refusal will not stop him..
Life is not fair Somtimes o! Chai...
Speechless! Speechless! That's How the chronicle makes me feel.
ReplyDeleteYour comment will be visible after approval
Alloy, earlier today sum1 mentioned the picture of the goat as ur DP is really u, he/she ws really right.... Ure a goat for advisin that lady to use superglue for her pussy.
DeleteHehehe Actually I saw the comment. You know I Thought I was the only one that knew I was a got, never knew people like you knows also. It was really so sweet of you to have called me a goat. Lol. Thanks for the compliment dear, you're such a darling #hugs.
DeleteYour comment will be visible after approval
Why shld this even b up for discussion.... If d table turn nd d man was d one whose sperm couldn't reproduce ld he want his wife to carry another man's child? ... Did u nt say dey already adopted?... Is d girl nt bearing his name? .... D guy shld jst say he is looking for a legal way to commit adultery..... Nd stella I lyk u Buh I'm ashamed u cld even write a comment lyk dt.....women re suffering in dis world oo
DeleteTo me if the fault is yours ( man or woman ) it will be selfish not to allow your partner have children. I will discuss it and if you insist on me not having children then i am sorry. Divorce is sure. I love children ( my own children )
ReplyDeleteOne thing I know is there is nothing God cannot do. Do people just marry to have children? I am not married but is child bearing all there is to marital bliss. When a man has the issue no one hears of it and the woman is still blamed. Anyway what do I know. Stella he should go on with his plans right? I am sure you'd like that very much if you were the woman.
ReplyDeleteNo woman is happy when she can't carry her own child.
Your advice get as e be.
Thank you. That's the African way...
DeleteContradicting urself.... Abeg park well.
DeleteAnonymous buy me car so I can park. Live and let's live I didn't ask you to read my comment. Ever heard of waka pass?
Delete@ dopplegangger I swear was saying the same thing. Marital vows don't mean nothing in Nigeria, what happened to using a surrogate? The next thing is to marry another woman, and it's just a pity that women on here agree with such a silly thing. Then why do we have ladies crying when their men cheat? Stella, I'm sorry but for once you got it all wrong. You live abroad so you should know the advancement in medical science. How can you just automatically say a second wife is the best alternative. Smh. Apparently children are the main things that make marriages work/happy. God be with all of u.
Delete@Doppelgänger,you will see where stella wrote that "the woman is afriad and in fear of another woman bearing a child for the man she married" but if when they agreed for her womb to be removed this issue wasnt discussed then I found this story hard to believe and if its true my opinion is that man should persist to beg and make her understand why he needs his own children,he shouldnt do it behind her as stella suggested.
DeleteOlaleye, I have a lot to say but let me keep it to myself before foul mouthed people would come for me. Man proposes but God disposes. Let's treat others the way we want to be treated. If the reverse was the case here I won't see comments supporting the woman as many are doing.
DeleteI am yet to see a married woman who doesn't want to experience the joy of motherhood why can't men stand by women the way women do in cases like this.
Men are always quick to find a solution that suits just them.
My two cents if Stella would post this.
He does not need the wife's consent to do that, but Kai this is very painful, the woman should concentrate on her daughter, but d man should love and respect he's wife plz.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't ? People who come here for advice need to understand the mindset of you guys on here
DeleteIt's tricky really cos it's selfish of her not to allow him have kids with another woman given d circumstances. Then again sleeping with d other woman is fornication/adultery so....he should just relax n keep praying for a miracle. Adopt n love more kids
ReplyDeleteHow is it selfish? Man married woman and she has challenges such is life. You think when they say marriage is not a bed of roses they were only talking about the man having cheating issues.
DeleteIf her eggs are still intact there is something called surrogate pregnancy if they can afford it.
ReplyDeleteIf the man was the one that couldn't father a child would he let his wife marry another husband.
Exactly the same question on my mind...if it were the man, would he allow his wife to get pregnant by another man, or to even marry another husband? Since he has already sought her permission, he has to get it before he goes ahead...that is if he must.
DeleteHowever, it may sound odd but a good christian can pray and wait on God on this issue. There is nothing on earth He cannot do.
If the man was impotent, his wife would keep his secret and even take the blame for their childlessness. Double standard!
DeleteYou guys are among the few that still have a heart and common sense. Thanks for your input, cos most of the comments (as usual) are sad and filled with double standard, even from women. Thanks again.
DeleteThey should opt for surrogacy then. They should get a young girl to carry the baby for them, and pay her off after with legal documents never to come back for the child. Or does her not having a womb mean that her egg cannot be fertilized? Just asking o.
ReplyDeleteIt is painful when a woman cannot give a child to her husband. Adopted or not.. African men will want to have a child that came from their own body.
ReplyDeleteThe woman should let go and allow the man to marry the lady. i know it is painful. But the man should not stop loving the wife just like Isaac did when Rebecca could not give him children on time. He never stopped loving her. So the man should do the same of his wife. Make her happy always.
It is well
Dis is unbelievable.... Re u a human being?
DeleteGod still does d impossible..but I feel she shouldn't stop the hubby from marrying another wife...its hard but it's for the best. God grant us our heart desires
ReplyDeleteStella,as for me,ur advice was extremely selfish.am sure thats a christian home.this is suppose to be for beta for worse! This is terrible n unfair
DeleteBerenice.... Nd we re condemning America for legalising guy marriages wen we see nothing wrong with adultery.....d guy shld fear God....it's nt d woman's fault she cnt bear children..... Dis our society ehn....
DeleteMarriage is not necessarily to have children oh. It is for better for worse. You are getting married to a companion and you will manage what they have to offer, as long as there was no form of deception before the marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf you specifically want to have children as a MUST, then you can sign a baby mama contract. Dont use marriage as a cover.
Marriage is not for everybody. It is a pity that all monkeys think marriage is for everybody, and they jump inside.
People use marriage to leave suffering, to pay bills, to have sex, to live abroad, to have children and all sorts of secondary things. This is wrong.
Worse still, the Church has made it that if you are a true christian, you will never have such marital challenges. That God will treat you special and reserve chalenges for people that dont serve him...... BULLSHIT. Wake up to the real world where everyone has the same potential problems.
Your man can dissolve the marriage and get baby mama contract. He wants children, let him have his way. He married for the wrong reasons in the first place.
Na wa
Abeg abeg abeg, i hate being emotional. This got me sad. I need more chronicles on my food....SEX, LOVE, MONEY,loose PUSSY and so on joh
Your type no de sabi fuck sef oh, una git brag for africa...
DeleteFor once I agree with you, marriage is for companionship first! Men be looking for excuses to legalise adultery and getting support from women!
DeleteYour comments made me so happy until I got to the last paragraph. Smh! You need help! Lmao!
DeleteU be real weyrey.....
DeleteI had to double check you wrote this comment. God bless U. U amazed me with ur comment for the first time
DeleteSince I started seeing ur comments, Most times I read chronicles I find myself scrolling down just to see what happens have to say and u never disappoint, but this is a nice encouraging piece.
DeleteHmmm!
ReplyDeleteThr shld be an understanding btw the man and his first wife...
He can marry another wife, but never take her home to live with them.
He shld rent her own apartment for her and visit her occasionally with the consent of the wife tho...it's hard tho,but that will save them a whole lot of wahala.
Nd yet we open our filthy mouths to condemn Islam.....I'm in awe
DeleteThis is really deep. One need to think through and have a clear picture before giving advice.
ReplyDeleteOohhh!!!
ReplyDeleteThis breaks my heart.
Can the couple not get a neutral person who can be contracted to get pregnant for the man, perhaps via IVF?
If possible, do gender selection and implant twins??
I deeply feel for that woman.
a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
ReplyDelete.
Omo see wahala....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
I won't say the wife is selfish. I understand her pain. The man should go ahead with his plan and after 5kids, tell the woman. If possible, do IVF with the lady you intend marrying as second wife and put in 5 kids. Sharply. After child bearing, tell the woman. She won't be able to do anything again
ReplyDeleteRe u for reals?
DeleteI'm 15 mins late. Em Jay has been here already for sure. Haha!
ReplyDeleteWould come back n comment when am done with work...
ReplyDeleteIts a delicate one, really serious, I don't know what to even say because I wouldn't want anyone to go through such, its in this country that they take adoption like nothing, if it were to be the whites the man won't even mind, he wud adopt and be Comfortable with it and wouldn't want another, its we Nigerians that take adoption like nothing and want to birth there's. Anyway who wouldn't but if he truly loves her, he wud be fine with the adoption.
ReplyDeleteThe man will never be fulfilled if he doesn't have his own biological children, that's just the truth. He should carry on being the loving husband to his wife, while he marries the other outside. That is if the second wife will not rub it in the first wife's face.
ReplyDeleteSo if he was the one with issues he won't be fulfilled? Chineke merem ebere...una dey tink so?
DeleteHmmm, difficult one here. Many people will want to comment using common sense but I hope people with experience or who know people with such experience will comment. Sad chronicle really.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one.
ReplyDeleteMethinks the wife should allow the husband go through with taking another wife.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't she want the man to have his own kids from his loins?
He's a man, he'll always want to know that he is capable of reproducing.
The woman is thinking for herself alone, if she loves her husband, she would allow him to do what makes him happy.
All these small girls on this blog. He is a man and should do what makes him happy but what God says is just by the way side.
DeleteMrs Korkus.... I'm not sure about this advice.
ReplyDeleteThe husband should go ahead behind her back? Hmmmm.... This is very difficult but the first wife should try and understand... Let him have his kids with another woman and continue loving her... I can see Stella's point.. But he shouldn't do it behind her back
*Jesus fix it*
ReplyDeleteYes I know u can
I'm surprised the woman didn't think a day like this would come, any able & healthy man wld want to hold his biological child... Ofcourse she'd frown and whin b4 givin in, but I don't support him marrying a 2nd wife, at least rumour has it that there are coded surrogate mothers in naija now.
ReplyDeleteHe can get a house for the new woman. Walahi chronicle ni sweet today
ReplyDeleteIf its white they will adopt more kids
ReplyDeleteThe man will not even think of getting married to another woman
Sorry i have no advice on this issue
It's still for better for worse right? And d man agreed abi? Toh this is d worse they were talking about. If tables were to turn I'm sure d wife will stick with him.
ReplyDeleteWetin she go do? If d man is adamant she should let him be n live her life. For herself n her daughter.
tank
ReplyDeleteThe man should go ahead n marry another wife but he should never fail in hi duties over the first wife,he should alwaz love her in all circumstances,d first wife should accept d situation in good faith afterall its for d gud of both of them,besides her hubby was nt d cause of her predicament,so let her chill biko
ReplyDeleteFor better for worse no dey your book or because na man
DeleteWhy does he have to marry another wife? Why can't they use a surrogate. And when he gets to heaven he will tell God he committed adultery cos he gave him a barren wife. I carry nyash for una for this blog
DeleteMust he marry to have kids? Cant they get a surrogate? I just feel some people just find excuse 2 marry a second wife.
ReplyDeleteThe first wife will never know joy because even if she is happy that there are kids in the house, they are not hers. They should get a surrogate. Not really a medical person so i wont know if she still produces eggs now that she doesnt have a womb but i am very sure that there is another alternative rather than him marrying another woman. Its already wahala having a gf sef talk more of 2 wives...hian
The man is just looking for an excuse to marry his side chic. Would the man give his wife this same option if he was the sterile one? Science has made it easy, get a surrogate if u can afford it, but if u can't for now,then work towards it. People sef, so marriage is for only child bearing Abi? No wonder we have so many unhappy couples. What happened to the "for better for worse, in sickness and health part of marriage? Marriage is for companionship, you will hate marriage when you become old and ur kids are all grown up and you and ur hubby have nothing to do with each other cos the foundation was built on a wrong setting. Madam poster, be strong and God will see u through.
DeleteIf the wife still has her ovaries, they can get a surrogate. He doesn't need a second wife.
DeleteHe should go ahead without notifying the wife, Buh from the Bible point of view he will b committing adultery, n It's a sin
ReplyDeleteSo look at your advice and see if it makes sense. It is a sin but he should go ahead
DeleteSigh .
ReplyDeleteProblems for us to dissect everyday ...Stella Kork won't you start paying us for killing one too many brain cells advising ur readers ...
Your popcorn and Dick seat would come in handy today oo *smokes pipe **
Hmmnnn..... For the man to seek consent of his wife shows he truly loves and cherish her. I think the man should convince her d more to make her see reasons but if she refuse to adapt, he should make it secretive till the truth will come out in future. The joy of every man and woman is to have children of their own not adopted.
ReplyDeleteToday's chronicle of bv no sweet #mynothingcent
ReplyDeleteSo it's people's real life problems you're using to do sweet or not sweet. You sound like a devious person. Dragon.
DeleteThe first wife is afraid of being abandoned after the man must have married the second wife and she starts giving birth. Refusing the man from marrying is not the best option as the man can still do it behind her back or the man can still go ahead and father babies outside.
ReplyDeleteThe man and the wife should do like @Nike Oshinowo now....go get a surrogate....
ReplyDeleteThe man does not necessarily need to marry another woman....They can have a baby if the man is sincere through surrogate
But....Nigerian men mentality...he will not want to do that!!!
Hmmmm
Jesus Fix it.
@Galore
THELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one...
Wait a sec!!
If its were to be that the man is impotent,would he consent to his wife going out to get pregger by another man???,if the man can give a sincere answer to the question,then let him go ahead with whatever decision he arrives at..
Lemme sit and read comment..
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
THELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one...
Wait a sec!!
If its were to be that the man is impotent,would he consent to his wife going out to get pregger by another man???,if the man can give a sincere answer to the question,then let him go ahead with whatever decision he arrives at..
Lemme sit and read comment..
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
THELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one...
Wait a sec!!
If its were to be that the man is impotent,would he consent to his wife going out to get pregger by another man???,if the man can give a sincere answer to the question,then let him go ahead with whatever decision he arrives at..
Lemme sit and read comment..
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
Which kind yeye advice Stella dey give? You are saying the man should get a side chic, have kids with her but still be a full time loving husband? I say it is impossible, somebody has to be shortchanged. The children that result from the union will either have a part-time father and subsequently have self esteem issues or the wife will notice a change in her husband and start doubting herplace in his life. The man should let God's will in his life be done. He should just face his wife and love his adopted daughter. God that brought them together forsaw the endometriosis. He also gave them heir daughter. Are we saying God doesn't know what he's doing? Abeg love one another and face your destiny together. Marriage is for better or worse.They can try surrogacy with the man's sperm and a donor egg, no strings attached, no baby mama drama, no side chic ish....
ReplyDeleteThe man should have kids outside without telling his wife biko. An adopted child can never be same as your own child no matter how nice you treat them. Even though with God, the house wife can still birth her own. Things we hear in this world.
ReplyDeleteThis one pass me o..
ReplyDeleteif she had not removed the womb now, I can say there are remedies ...
But now, whatever we say, Im 100% sure the guy will still go ahead and impregnate someone else..
I just tire.. Marriage is not easy abeg..
If he does, he should pls not let her know cos it will break her, at the same time I would prefer if he told her and she agreed, cos she will still eventually find out.
This one.. I'm confused
If the cause of the womb removal is not attached to the man due to abortions or domestic violence then she should please allow the man. Its not easy, its painful but if its not the man's fault she should allow the man father kids from another woman.
ReplyDeleteStella how can you say he should go ahead without her consent? If it were you is that what you'd want your husband to do? They should adopt more children! Afterall the man agreed to everything. Haba! Men!
ReplyDeleteI pitied the lady sha,bt d man needs his own child,d wife should try n understand,so d man can hv his own child,his even given her d respect by seekin for her permission.,.
ReplyDeleteSo surrogacy is not an option. It is adultery
DeleteHonestly, I think a lot of nigerian women need brain-overhaul with comment like this. Somebody will stab you right bang in your chest, only for you to say "at least he respected you because he showed you the knife first". How does that even make any sense? If women continue to see themselves as inanimate objects that are not to be considered or regarded with human feelings, the menfolk with continue to see and treat them that way too. That's just a fact. Isn't marriage for better for worse? Or do men think it only applies to brides during wedding vows? And the woman would be expected to show loyalty and how serious she takes her vows if the man was the one in this predicament. He's not even suggesting surrogacy etc, he went straight to 2nd wife. Really? Just because the wife has no womb doesn't make her worthless and just because that child was adopted doesn't meen she can't attain the greatest height that family would ever know in the future. Reading a lot of people's comments here is really sad and shows how degraded and brainwashed a lot of females are. We women need to always remind ourselves that we are not worthless and our lives matter too, we mostly get treated the way we see and present ourselves. And we should stop being so dismissive and judgmental towards victims of circumstance, nobody knows tomorrow ........ Just Me
DeleteWhy don't they try surrogate, I mean wre they use d mans sperm and womans Egg but someone else will carry the baby. But rili wch man won't want to have his own kids its almost impossible especially in nigeria here or even africans. The lady should knw its not possible and they should find a way around it together.
ReplyDeleteStella I do not agree with you advice. Marraige is suppose to be for better and worse. He didn't marry her for procreative purposes I believe. Also why would he want to marry another woman as a baby making machine? That's totally selfish. Again will you give the same advice if it were the wife who wanted a baby with another man because her husband is impotent?
ReplyDeleteAm also guessing he knew before getting married to her, why didn't he state it clearly to the woman before marrying her?
Stella I do not agree with you advice. Marraige is suppose to be for better and worse. He didn't marry her for procreative purposes I believe. Also why would he want to marry another woman as a baby making machine? That's totally selfish. Again will you give the same advice if it were the wife who wanted a baby with another man because her husband is impotent?
ReplyDeleteAm also guessing he knew before getting married to her, why didn't he state it clearly to the woman before marrying her?
This one pass me.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so quick to advise Stella. The lady may not have her womb but she may still have her eggs. The couple can try IVF with the wife's eggs and use a surrogate to carry the child. U don't support cheating but u happily agree the man shud sleep with another woman just cuz of kids. Pls let them exhaust all possible options first
ReplyDeleteNo be movie at all, it happens wella but its always top coded gist, I knw of a couple that found themselves in same boat, but this case was the man with the issue, the wife cried and grieved when she found out but the man came up with a plan, being that he wldnt want to be selfish, he suggested she goes outside to get pregnant for another man, as painful as it is to let ur wife open legs for another prick, he had to bite the bullet n let it happen, but the agreement ws that he'd choose the man and the dick size, funny ,man I swear... I knw ths much cus hes my bone man & I ws sworn to secrecy, the wife rejected his offer for months oh, but wen she saw that DH was serious oh, she had to eventually give in... the other guy sef wasn't easy to come by oh I swear, but after months of searching for sum1 that looks like him and convincing the person, he finally got one uniport student that needed the cash... imagine payin a young dude to fuck ur wife, according to him, he will also be in the room, that's the 3 of them oh, and there'd be no kissing and no dogstyle, the guy make melaff I swear.... last last sha, it worked, after months of fuckin another mans wife and being paid.... did I mention the uniport guy ws blindfolded? and they chose PH cus they live in Abj.... so na so oh... not a movie I swear, iv never evn told any1 till date, and id never.
ReplyDeleteI hope your friends involved don't read this blog.
DeleteDis is a movie Jare, John dumelo acted in d movie. Abeg make I see road....
DeleteLol! You just told a bunch of people. See why they say secret is no secret if more than one person knows about it.
DeleteStella why are you giving bad advise? It is not advisable for married couples to keep secrets from each other!
ReplyDeleteAnd am here with my hubby that has testicular failure,no child yet,we tried donor sperm and I miscarried,back to square one
ReplyDeleteMy dear these women will tell you to pray and have faith. But they tell the man to go and have a child outside. Nigerian women are sick sometimes
DeleteI have to go anonymous.
ReplyDeletemy friend has been married for 10yrs and no child. we lost contact for about 1yr and few months. after 8 months of our reunion he told me his wife has put to bed. i was so happy for him. he was not excited as someone who God blessed after many years. i took it casually. To my greatest shock he wasnt around during the child dedication. he was in the same town but not his house. what do u make out of this.
Thank God for modern day technology. I believe she still has eggs so they can pay a surrogate to carry their baby if not he can do artificial insemination with another woman, if it's really about kids he doesn't have to remarry or sleep with someone else. Except he just wants to "taste the waters" men always looking for a reason to sleep around since 1900.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite complex..
ReplyDeleteI heed to Mrs. Kork's advice but at the same time, If the man gets a second wife outside, there is no automatic guarantee that she'll understand the reason why she was married. Matters of the heart can be described as transient....time reveals and changes a lot and no woman would be comfortable being hidden especially when she has kids for the man in question. So with time, there's a tendency for the second wife to make herself known to the first and that'll be devastating for the latter, bringing them back to the first square.
My Advice : The man should plead with his wife and make her trust his words never to depart from her. I believe and respect that the institution of marriage is sacred and should be between both parties without the interference of a third party but considering the importance of the subject, he can make it open and involve credible and trustworthy pple(Pastor/kinsmen/her family) to try and make her see reasons with his intention, it sounds selfish but is a reasonable plea so maybe she'll yield. If it doesn't work then he can go ahead with the plan for a hidden second-wife.
Li-yon Vls.
Rather, he should get a surrogate like other BVs have advised.....striking out any reason for a second wife, keeping his marital vows, maintaining the joy of his home n sanity of his wifey. Any thing short of this shows he wants a second lady for reasons other than childbirth.
DeleteLi-yon Vls.
Unless he already has a girlfriend he wants to marry. Which am sure is the case. MEN
DeleteOoooooooooooo.....poor man !!
ReplyDeleteStella I fear who no fear u,d man should marry another wife without his wife knowledge sheyyy!!!no b in sickeness n in health dem vow wen dem marry? They can get a surrogate 2carry a baby 4dem instead
ReplyDeleteHe can impregnate a lady without marrying her
DeleteWhat the guy needs to do is just go out and do it, and make the other lady(2nd) that he has a wife and leave the woman condition out of the situation
ReplyDeleteWhat sort of aimless discussion is this
DeleteSimple!! Must he marry second wife?
DeleteDis na small matter jare, dis happen to my friend uncle, both him and d side chick hard an agreement to ve 2kids for him and pay her off, d man was fckng rich..... D wifey later find out from dia family lawyer but oga was no more to answer questions and everything was shared equally...... Tell d man to do it secretly....... if not wifey will loose it.
ReplyDeleteSo u're advising secrecy stella
ReplyDeleteThey are in this together
Its not just her womb that was removed,it was their womb, their chance to carry their own baby so please stella i'm not buying that your idea at all
The man should sit right there with her and bear it all,adopt more kids if they want but going out to have kids without her consent is a big NO
FOR BETTER FOR WORSE remember
Tins are happening big time... O lord help ur children... Iet me read comment 2day.
ReplyDeleteHe should get an egg donor & do IVF or get an egg donor & have the eggs & his sperm inserted into a surrogate . That way he can have kids of his own & not destroy the marriage . But before they removed her womb they could have frozen her eggs . This days so many people do it , they have it stored & then when they are ready to have a baby they insert the Sperm & then have it grow . Science has gone far
ReplyDeleteShe is being selfish.
ReplyDeleteIf the man wants to get a second wife it should be with the wife's consent
ReplyDeleteStellz what are u even saying
The man has a little girl already ...A child is a child,adopted or not
I tot u have sense b4 stella is 2day I know very well dat ur are senseless. Y will u say sometin like dat, d man should marry d 2nd wife without her 1st wife knowing. If it happens to be u how will u fear. Bad advise.
ReplyDeleteStella, I don't agree with u dat d woman should be kept in d dark. D man should plead with his wife and convince her dat d marriage will not break afterwards. Also, he should keep d 2nd wife far away in another house. I almost had a similar experience. I thought I was d one @ fault in my childless marriage. I pleaded with my husband to get any lady pregnant so he can have kids of his own. D marriage eventually packed up due to other reasons but I think its selfish as a woman to insist ur man remains without a child for d rest of his life
ReplyDeleteIf he wouldn't have minded if she left him becos his penis wasn't ok. Marriage vows are for better or worse, so if he loves her he should stick it out. I know a couple as well who have been married over 15 years and the woman has issues with her womb. Her husband is sticking with her, despite the fact he wished they could have kids. According to him, marriage is for better or for worse and till death do them path.
ReplyDeleteNow is the man's turn to exercise 'FAITH'. With God all things are possible.
ReplyDeleteA brother testified in my church some years ago that when a guy came to marry his sister, their family called a meeting where the young man was in attendance and told him that their daughter's womb was removed as a result of one operation like that (can't remember). The young man said no problem that he'd go ahead. They got married, and the man's FAITH increased, they both kept praying until one day.... God showed up and did the unthinkable, impossible, etc name them. She became pregnant and gave birth. The doctors were amazed up till today.
-In fact, I was amazed that day and I asked myself - WHO IS THIS? Even the wind and the waves obey him!
BROTHER keep calm and see God in action. Don't give her HBP pls. Exercise that FAITH if you're a Christian.
But u'd advice the woman to endure and adopt kids had the man been impotent. Why is it that the rule of "for better or worse" one sided? Poster this is one of marriage gifts. Endure with wife!
ReplyDeleteFor better for worse is only for women.
DeleteLol. Your advise sometimes though, Stella. How can you encourage him to have a plan outside marriage and not tell his wife? This idea already abolishes the original stand of marriage: which embraces honesty and openness from both parties. If she knows now or later, it doesn't stop the wife from getting hurt when she eventually finds out. Its better to sit his wife down now and tell her his plans than to wait for a dying minute before confessing. You can't advise the husband to move on and leave his wife behind in denial. It is not fair.
ReplyDeleteInstead of marrying someone else. Why can't they just hire surrogate? They pay her to carry the children, have the surrogate sign legal documents and the wife and husband can raise the children on as their own? I don vex o, what happens to for better for worse, people like to create unnecessary problems sa,
ReplyDeleteStella in a case of secondary infertility (they ve a son together already) will u still advise same?
ReplyDeletewhat kind of mumu advice is stella giving? Have u not heard of surrogates? Even egg donor, sperm donor, everything donor? The guy doesnt need to sleep around to have kids! Can't believe you gave such a dull advice! Tough!
ReplyDeleteStella don make me laugh today o! Hahahahaha.
DeleteThank you very much
DeleteI won't lie I was so disappointed in dis Stella's advice. Chai when dere r so many options he can take without having to Take a 2nd wife,u don't even need hospital surogacy,he can just advertise for ladies who wld help dem conceive and just sign legal documents and she can raise d children as deir own even if dey aren't her own biological children. Kai Stella dis advice no join. I no pray make any woman see dis kain tin in their whole life. Kai....
DeleteI was perplexed when I Stella's comment. She of all people should know better since she lives on a civilised society. Please there are other options ! Its possible the man just wants an excuse to sleep around . There are fertility clinics in Nigeria. I only hope they can afford them.
DeleteStella I have never cussed you out before but today will be the first.
ReplyDeletePlease stop thinking with your ass!! What sort of advice is this?
Damn woman! You have gone crazy.
He shld go ahead witout telling her.
ReplyDeleteYou are quite evil
DeleteWaiting for comments
ReplyDeletestella you no try at all o. he should go ahead without telling his wife? what kind of betrayal is that? if it was the man that was infertile nko? will we be here saying she should go ahead to get pregnant without telling her husband. Have they tried surrogacy?
ReplyDeleteif your man loves you, he would think about what works best for both of you. not just multiplying himself.
Haba, get a surrogate na. D world is changing. I have seen the advert on this blog. Especially with an Ovarian carrier, the baby still belongs to both parents
ReplyDeleteif the man was sterile would he allow the woman to sleep with another man so she can bear her own children??? please men should stop asking for what they cannot give. marriage is for better for worse. if the woman had done many abortions now that led to the lack of womb I would understand but something out of her control? c'mon now.... in any case im sure with or without her consent he will marry the person so madam, just face ya one pikin and your god.
ReplyDeleteI think he musn't marry another wife, don't we have carriers in Nigeria? A woman can be paid 2 do so and after every thing she goes her way. They are different ways 2 which he can have his own baby apart 4rm bringing a woman to his home, except he wants to bring in his mistress
ReplyDeleteNo after how loving the man is, the pain will still be there. There's really nothing she can do about it but support the husband. Because is she we do stronghead, the man will still go ahead. The husband should just promise never to let her down cos they were in agreement for the surgery.
ReplyDelete@madam stellz;your advice on the second paragraph just made me remember A post which was made here some months abi years back which title was something like "can A man love two women equally" or soo....#sigh of relief!!!
ReplyDelete@poster,what you have to know is this;if the man in question here really wants to carry his own child,and is not willing to go for surrogacy,further adoption or other options available;then there is nothing you can do to make him change his mind(not even the undying love he has for you)...
Personally i know it wouldn't be easy for you but why not let him do this since he was religious enough to at least tell you his plan for A second wife?? Yea;it takes A good man to do this and at least that act alone is enough to tell you that he still loves and care about you...
Remember there is no joy like that of A man carrying A child who has his blood running in his/her veins;So why deny your dear husband this beautiful once in A lifetime opportunity even when he is seeking for your approval to do this;or do you think you would have done anything special if he had done this A long time ago only to introduce you to his kids sometime later,maybe when they are 13 or 15 of age?? please madam since you know the damage has been done to your womb already and cant be revised anytime soon;kindly give this man your approval for another wife;then go into prayers and ask God to still let the love he has for you continue shining...cos the aspect of him loving you with the presence of a second wife who has his kids already is only by the grace of God..but note that "UNDYING LOVE" still exists and your husband might have that for you...
#Goodluck to you as you make your decision..
XTREME MIXTAPE VOL.2;CLICK TO LISTEN/DOWNLOAD
@MARTINS ABOY
My2 cents
ReplyDeleteCan someone not help her be a surrogate mum if she can't afford it? Mayb a Sister or Friend... I don't know... All the money the man will spend keeping two women, shd be use to get a surrogate now?
Let ur hubby use the money he wants to spend for wedding to find a surrogate to carry ur kids or impregnate a village girl Nd get the kids from her with agreement except he is dating the one he wants to marry or possibly loves her sef
Deletehmmmnnn.... this is a very serious situation. I will advice that he goes ahead to marry the woman if the wife refuses to consent to it. I quite understand her pains but, the man should also be granted his wishes too. If I were in that shoe, it will be difficult to accept but over time, I will learn to live with it. What happened to surrogacy? Think of that!. Donate your sperm to another woman to have the child for you both. I recommend that you should seek legal advice before proceeding with this option.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, my wife also heard endometriosis and she is taking some fertility treatment, however you must Trust in God, since you have tried several treatment, Surrogacy is still an option to explore before taking a second wife. I have also imagine raising a child with woman but the guilt of committing the sin of Adultery is an issue, Moreso if I want to give a donor, I wish to knw the beneficiary and have access to the child for proper care.
ReplyDeleteJesus fix it.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing God cannot do, Miracle abounds.
As for the man, since your wife already know your plans, pls try to persuade her to consent to it.
Best of luck.
All I can say is God can make her birth her own babies without a womb. There is nothing impossible with God.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmmm! dis is serious and I feel for d woman/ women passing through or have been thru dis cos its not easy @Lol. I just wish every woman (married or not) that desire to have baby(ies) to be able to do so without any problems. Be that as it may, the man should tell his wife, there is no point hiding it, she won't accept at first which is quite normal, but with time she will.
ReplyDeleteThe husband should make sure d woman is not disrespected by anyone, have separate apartments for them to avoid quarrel . Infact cases like dis are rampant in our society, sometimes it's d man's fault and d woman have to be impregnated by someone else........dis life sha! I just pray DAT God will wipe away tears from couples going thru dis prob.
This is a serious and though one,but stella has given a very good advise, but what for me I think its very good if the man go ahead, get another woman pregnant without the wife's consent but inform her after the deed has been done so she will know her husband has a son out of wedluck, no one knows tomorrow, the husband may die (God forbid) and will cause a commotion if the lady brings in my child after!
ReplyDeleteHe should go ahead and marry anoda wife. The first wife should try 2 understand, its not easy bt its not fair to d man either.
ReplyDeletehmmmnnn.... this is a very serious situation. I will advice that he goes ahead to marry the woman if the wife refuses to consent to it. I quite understand her pains but, the man should also be granted his wishes too. If I were in that shoe, it will be difficult to accept but over time, I will learn to live with it. What happened to surrogacy? Think of that!. Donate your sperm to another woman to have the child for you both. I recommend that you should seek legal advice before proceeding with this option.
ReplyDeleteI think the wife should let her hubby marry someone else.
ReplyDeleteShe clearly cannot conceive,so if she doesn't want to be tagged seflish, she should let him have his own biological kids if he wants to.
The man too should not knock her off,he should keep loving her regardless.
he doesn't need to marry another wife that will come and destroy their joy. all they need to do is get a surrogate mother to carry the baby for them. they can use his sperm and her egg to get a perfect little them and the surrogate will simply be the vessel God uses to give them their own child. as long as the papers are legally signed, the surrogate cant change her mind and claim their child later.
ReplyDeletethat's not an excuse the could get a surrogate
ReplyDeleteCan a woman marry another husband if the husband's penis is not working? Stella ans this question too.
ReplyDeleteJesus fix this biko
ReplyDelete*** mynameisSkelewu
@Stella, I don't think I support your view on this matter o. Marriage is for better, for worse so the man should manage with his wife and make plans to adopt. After all, if it was the man that had health issues, we would have told the woman to manage and pray for him. It's not as if she knew before marrying him that she had issues, so no1 can say that she deceived the guy. I don't support marrying another wife cos there is no way the man will love both wives equally and seeing the second wife with kids won't be easy for her. The poster sounds like she is the second wife sef, abeg put yourself in her shoes.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with you stella. Mr make sure u don't marry behind your wife's back. Some cannot handle the fact that they have been back stabbed which is what marrying a woman without her consent means. One thing you should have in mind is that no woman loves the idea of her husband marrying another woman but in this case she will have no other option. She may refuse now but with time she will come to understand.beg her like u can't do it without her consent. Promise her that u will never stop loving her and lastly let her be the one to choose who you will marry. That way peace will reign.PRINCESS
ReplyDeleteGBAM! Let her choose by herself after all na only children you want wey make u go find another wife.
DeleteJesus take d wheel...
ReplyDeleteThey should have her eggs artificially inseminated and get a surrogate mother to carry their kids. The man has no valid reason to remarry
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's going to be so painful for the woman, seeing another woman have what she can never ever have, and that too for her husband, but u know, love is selfless, she should as well feel for the husband, he has dream of having his own kids which can be attainable.
ReplyDeleteBut i suggest they have a surrogate mother to birth the man's kids, this will solve the issue of 2nd wife and the baggage that comes with it.
If he truly cares about the woman's feelings, he should forget remarrying abi na getting 2nd wife. He desires his own kids u say? The wife would have gladly given him that if not for circumstances. There are helpless kids u can love just as yours which u can gladly adopt. What if tables were turned and the man is the one that can't impregnant his wife what would he have done or suggested? He should put himself in the woman's shoes and see things from her own perspective. And by the way there are other medical ways to go about it than marrying another lady that's if the man must have a descendant from his own loins. That money he wanna use to marry anoda woman should go into adoption or the medical alternative. I would rather he has a babymama sef than marrying a 2nd wife. At least that way, everybody knows who the boss is. That's if there's a lady that doesn't mind cos there are single ladies looking for willing men to get them pregnant cos of their ticking clock. What am I saying in essence? If he goes ahead and gets a 2nd wife, he would REALLY be hurting his wife of which would be there as long as they are married. What if the 2nd wife sef doesn't give him a baby? He marries a 3rd? Nawa o. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteThis situation is very dicey, no matter what not many women can take dere hubby having kids outside, even if they cant give dere hubby kids. Surrogacy is now an option if u can afford it. when smone carries your baby which is biologically urs and ur husband for you.
ReplyDeleteStella let me give you small amebo. You know our Gov Ambode is in a similar situation. He has a 2nd wife I know personally who has 2boys for him. I believe he and the 1st lady have been married since the 90's and cldnt conceive, dou I heard she recently had twins.
Ambode spoils the lady and her 2boys silly o. But she knows obviously na First wife go do 1st lady. The lady, very pretty like this even did her 40th bday last wkend and it was a blast. If some ladies are happy doing 2nd wife, who are we to complain. Ambode takes good care of this lady and her family so well,even before he became Governor. But I hear Ambode don warn the lady make she know her place. Na the 1st wife go do First lady afterall na she suffer with Ambode from dere university days in LASU.
STELLA, I will be xpecting more of dis gist from u as original Amebo mistress.
This is a memo to the bvn of yesterday
ReplyDeleteThis memo is to decontruc the womenfolk in order to save them from themselves. This poster is at present the face of women and am reaching them thru her. We need to be reminded that this poster is full of lies pretences and manipulation. Please permit me to prove ... No woman would have a platonic relationship with a man who says I don't want fuck and you are not getting or material things no matter how small, only gist with each other and advice each other. Now Ben is a man, he doesn't fuck you but gives free money,food,accommodation et all. You so called boy friend is a man, doesn't fuck you because you are a virgin but gives you money, food acommodation and material things(even though you didn't mention). So what makes one a friend and another a boyfriend?(hipocritical,lying,pretentious and manipulative women). Yet with both bf and Ben, you were still lacking something and you mentioned the thing to be somebody interested in datig(fuckin) you. Now see the truth of what happened. Ben is a melon not amn, you knew this and to keep sucking him you told you were a virgi and when you got what you were looking for and left him, he realised he had lost all his investments in you and became heartbroken
Your bf on the other hand was fucking you and also providing for you but didn't offer you marriage at the the Tim so when you left his investment and returns tallied and he moved on. You current husband gave you money and material things, fucked you and offered you marriage(everything was complete), foam you you sneaked into his house and became his wife. You see you lied becos you were no virgin. You didn't know Ben had feeling for you so he was feeding you to make you have the physical specifications suitable for another man hah. Since you claimed you were not fucking bf only your current husband where does double dating come from. By the way, when a woman is fucking more than one man women say it is putting eggs in many baskets but when men do the same women call it cheating and that men should put their own eggs in only one basket ( hypocrites). That you milked the melon of a man called Ben is not what Ben's relations thought, it what you actually did while waiting for a real man to show up. The pretender said they never saw you two as friends. You saw yourself as Ben's friend becos you knew your machinations but didn't find out what Ben saw you as(Ben's wahala). As to your question a platonic relationship is possible as long as the man is ready to part with small small cash and materials but impossible as long as the man can't even buy you corn of 'ordinary' 50 naira.. Again every woman saying she prefers male friends, it is because she found men who are willing to give her little things she wants without at least an immediate returns but women out there should know that nobody stoops down to pick nothing. Finally the poster is married but still lacks something and it this... She fucked bf, is currently fucking the husband yet something is still missing. She thinks this this Ben that has not fucked might be the horsepower she earnestly craves. Therefore my advice is for poster to go for closure and be ready to give Ben the amount of sex Ben deams equivalent to his investment in you. Please before you go make Ben to contact me for me to turn him to a man so that after banging you he would be man enough to never ever look in your direction again and so actualise real closure. You pretentious ladies can continue to deceive yourselves and melons like Ben but not rose buds like me and 'money makes you fuck lots of ladies without stress,'
Na Wa for bv's o, why are u people insulting Stella? She is just been blunt in her own opinion...
ReplyDeleteThe woman shouldn't expect the man to stay childless for the rest of his life.... There are some things women can endure but men are easily carried away with what they see.
I advise the woman should listen to d husband and hv children of his own else it will be bad when she later hear about it oudside.
So you think God has a disclaimer for men in marriage, abeg let us hear something else
DeleteBring in a child to suffer the sting of being the child of a married man who snuck around behind his wife. What kind of life is this. So Nigerian women you can shout for better for worse when a man is cheating and beating but for better for worse no dey this matter?
DeleteWhat am saying is that the woman shouldn't be self centered... Its not easy for man not to hv children o. Women can endure it but men can't
DeleteI'm quite young so I may not have the most experienced advice, but I noticed that those suggesting the man should get another woman and keep on loving his first wife... What of the feelings of the other woman? so she should be just a baby making machine? Where is the justice in that? If he is to have children by her, then he should treat her with as much respect as his first wife. Not hiding her in one apartment like someone suggested. Just my opinion. Everyone is looking at it from the couple's perspective but consider the poor woman who this man may use for children. And even if he doesn't use her, we are all humans, whether he likes it or not, he would get more drawn to the new woman by reason of his kids. It's inevitable. So let's put sentiments aside and be pragmatic. #okbye
ReplyDeleteMiss x
Life is not fair to some people
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I am in total support...just like a woman should be allowed to marry another man or have an affair (either brings the man home or they meet away from home) when her husband is impotent or has erectile dysfunction or low sperm count. How about that???
ReplyDeleteI thought when you got married you became one, why should he get the joy of being a father when she can never get the joy of being a mother? It is their burden to bear together as one. Anyhow, the culture does not make it illegal to have a second wife so I suppose he can do as he pleases at the end of the day. I understand where they are both coming from, and stories like this are a telling reminder of the need for courting couples to discuss everything and know what they will do when faced with stressful life decisions like these.
ReplyDeleteStella you are asking a man to commit adultery for what? You people do not understand what marriage is. You do not understand that marriage is not for kids. Even as a Muslim he can't go forward, his wife has refused. Selfish gains in exchange for your soul.
ReplyDeleteWhat rubbish are you people vomiting? Marriage is for better or worse......so the wife cannot have children must he have from another woman? Stella u will come here behaving like a Christian but you are not.....if the man was the one impotent will you ask the woman to go get pregnant from another man? By Gods standard it is a no no....stick with your wife for better or worse
ReplyDeleteGo to God. Even without a womb, you can still get pregnant and have a child. HE is a Miracle working God.
ReplyDeleteGo to God. Even without a womb, you can still get pregnant and have a child. HE is a Miracle working God.
ReplyDeleteThe wife should have seen this coming, right from the day they agreed to remove d womb, we are in the generation where most people no longer see or do things d way it ought to be...and its not a must for d man to marry another woman he can always get a contract baby mama....my point is whatever the man's decision may be, he should not stop loving and caring to the wife, dis is the time she needs him more, coz its not gonna be easy for her. I jus feel so sorry for d wife....it is well
ReplyDeleteStella your advice nawa. Its not biblical... For better or for worse, in sickness and in health...
ReplyDeleteMy candid advice will be IVF and surrogate mother for the baby, that's what they would have considered earlier. Second wife no be beans. I pray non of my relatives be in such situation (man or woman, they both suffer)
ReplyDeleteI refuse to agree with all of you that said the woman should allow the man to marry another wife. For what? Why is it always easy to subject the woman at the receiving end.
ReplyDeleteIf it were the man that was impotent nko! Will you advise the woman to go and be impregnated by another man?
My take is that both of them should sit down and deliberate on the possible alternative ways of having children with either of them not prioritising their personal interest. It will not be fair for the man to go for another wife. What if that wife has fertility issues. I believe that husband and wife should stand strongly for each otherin love in spite of the presure they might be passing through.
Stella this your advice just fear me. If you wake up tomorrow and hear your hubby has kids outside how will you feel? He supported they remove her womb and now wants o abandoned her. She doesn't have a womb but she still has her eggs, why won't you recommend they do IVF with her egg and her husbands sperm and get someone to carry the baby? Who doesn't know the wahala that comes with polygamy? People should fear God when dishing out advice. What you won't wish on yourself, don't wish on another.
ReplyDeleteThis Stella I can't believe the kind of advice you are giving. So if the man was impotent should the woman get a side husband? Marriage is for better for worse. They should use a surrogate
ReplyDelete