TUESDAY In House News.

Hey you,please make sure you read all the Amebo gists,they are so funny i cant deal...OMG......hahahhahahahahaa

Rumour has it that........post coming up in a few hours!

IVF PROMO PRICE

Stella ,I was on antenatal visit to my hospital in Abuja yesterday morning and the doctor who was seeing me was discussing IVF on phone with a patient before I got in.After the call I had to ask questions as I have known people who want to do IVF but they say it's expensive.

While discussing with her she said they are doing some kind of '' PROMO'' in her words ‎.Hearing promo I know this will benefit people who have been trying for a baby.She said and I quote'' the procedure ALONE is 350,000 naira (promo price)  but the patient will pay for the test and drugs and every other thing seperately.So in the end they will not have to pay up to the normal 1.---- million naira''

Stella dearest, I know there are women in Abuja who will need this on our blog,pls let them make use of this opportunity if they can now that it's cheaper. Please let them go to KINGSCARE HOSPITAL‎ ,Wuse ZONE 4 ABUJA and make enquiries.Thank you

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 MISS MAE IS GETTING RECTORS AWARD FOR BEING BEST STUDENT!

Miss Mae has been missing and i had to contact her to find out why and

I got a message from her this morning stating her reasons for disappearing and she told me how she has been busy with her exams and also stated that she's getting a rector's award soon for being the best academic student in 

her department cos she is finishing with a distinction. She says the surprising thing is that the last time anyone had distinction in her department was 10 years ago.. "UNBELIEVABLE"  huh?

 She tenders her apology for what happened and she said she loves you all. 

Miss Mae is a blog child and this blog has been supporting her through school since Last year and irrespective of what happened,her success should be celebrated here.lets celebrate with her.Your cusses pushed her back on course and I thank God for that.

She is a better person now and i implore you all to let it go.

We will be celebrating her her when she collects her award.

Miss Mae,I love you and doesnt matter what happened i will never 'dump' you.

Kisses girl,go and make us proud!

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AMEBO GIST - EMERGENCY MEETING WITH A MAD MAN

I almost fainted with laughing while i was reading this gist....oh my,this is so funny.

This is long but will have you rolling on the floor.WTF!

Good day Mama Stelly!!! I hail you..

I just wan try throw my gist for people to hear oh! Ok na like dis e b. I be lawyer and I have my contact on V connect. (Everybody should know V connect na) ok I hope so sha… It was on a Friday while I was in the office doing some office work na him my phone ring (Ring tone “baby o Woju”). I come pick am ooo say who dey call (mind you it was in English) the person on phone then told me his name is Tobi that he is calling to talk to a lawyer and that he got my contact on V connect. He also said he has added me on Linkedin and that he needs to urgently talk to me as soon as possible and it concerns money and that we need to see. 

(Well I have never gotten an emergency money call before as a lawyer), then I told him we fit see nah, as long as it’s business and it involves money. I com tell am say make he tell me the problem he has so I go fit see if I fit help am on phone or we go see, he com come talk  wetin dey him mind pass phone conversation and dat we need to see and discuss.

As I see say this person dey very serious I come tell am say make he send me an email then so I can understand the situation before he comes. He then sent an email to me but the email no get head as he only repeated that he needs to see me. I then told myself that this guy fit bring big case come oooo! So I was very optimistic in seeing him. 

After his email he then called me and said he wants to come to my office, (omo!!!!!!!! come my office bawo, you want me and my oga to share the brief (money)) I tell am no oooo!!!!! Please come to my area so we fit sit down talk well. I told him to come around 2pm on Saturday so we fit discuss business well well, Na him d guy talk say2pm too far say he wants to see me early, like around 8am. (in my mind I was like, this might be d deal that will make me get married this year lol)  I wasn’t comfortable with 8am but hey! Na money gist why would I be looking for comfort. I accepted immediately telling him to show 8am, told him my address and all. So the money meeting is 8am on Saturday, location; my area (i.e. where I stay)

While I was still in the office, my babe called me and was like I should come over to her place that she won’t be able to come to mine this weekend. Now my mind come dey play tricks on me (should I go to my babe’s place or not) well I then informed my fiancée say I no go stay till afternoon ooh!!!!, that I will be leaving her place as early as7:30 in the morning so I could go and meet my Mr. Tobi ooo (The Money Client).

Before leaving the office that day, I sent Mr. Tobi a message that he should call me as soon as he leaves his home so that I will also leave my babe’s place.

On Saturday, I check my phone around 9am for my babe’s place to look for missed call from Mr. Tobi, I no see missed call. Then I decided to call him, his no. no go. I even sent him an email, nothing. Na him I kuku decide to chill with my babe small before going back home. At around 12 pm when I was heading home, no call from Mr. Tobi (this is the Guy that said 2pm was too far). I got home, cooked noodles, chop and slept. At about 2:30 na him Mr. Tobi call oooo!!!!! Say he dey close to my place and asking how to get to my street. I come give am direction. Immediately I cut the call, I quickly jump commot for my bed, run wash my face, wear my well starched and pressed shirt, brought out my ATM card to withdraw some cash so I will take my esteem client to a joint close to my house where dem dey sell point and kill pepper soup so he will nack it with a chill bottle of beer while we talk business.

Immediately I stepped out of my house, na him I see one rough looking guy not older than 23 or 24 infront of my house, also looking for som1 (wearing a very rough pair of sleepers, beards unshaved, looking like someone who has not had his bath . 

(In my mind I was like hope this is not the esteem client mr. Tobi) Immediately he saw me, he recognized me from my pic on linkedin and said “hey lawyer”. For my mind I was like, what is this, “wetin be dis”. The truth is, I was really expecting someone well dressed and may be with a car but what I saw was very below my expectation because the way he made me feel through our conversation, I thought na one big man he go be. Well!!!! I didn’t allow that dissuade me. (I told myself that you cant judge someone by appearance alone) So instead of taking the Mr. Tobi to my cool spot to drink pepper soup and beer, I opted to take him to a church near by. ( I no fit spend 5k for this dude oh!!) Since I don give am the benefit of the doubt I was interested in knowing what he wanted to tell me. (Immediately my mind was like, he may not be a big man but might have been wrongly treated and he has a right of action against someone)

Mr. Tobi come start him gist ooo!!!!!! He said he is a very unique person, that he sees solutions to people’s problem and he tries to build on them. That he has proffered business solution to so many people and they have utilized the business idea without giving him any credit. ( for my mind again, I said ok!! This seems interesting, I will like to tap into this ministry) all this while we don siddon for one church wey near my area, I come ask this guy what is the business plan he has. He come talk say for where he dey work, they don’t do things well and he has a business plan that can make is employer’s business move well well. ( I come tell myself again say, this guy fit be d real deal ooo, thank God say I no pursue am) I then asked him where does he work, really hoping he will tell me something good. The Guy tell me say he dey work for pure water factory as a labor staff. I then asked him what business idea does he have to give, he come talk say for him factory, dem get 3 sections for customers to go through before dem fit carry their goods. That one section is for order, the other is for collection of the Order slip while the last section is for verification. He said his plan is to introduce this machine dem dey use for fast food restaurant that gives you ticket immediately you place your order to his employer. I come talk say, ehn ehn!!!! (as at now, I was like wetin be dis) ok nah!! I come ask am how he come take concern me, I don’t sell the machine neither do I produce it. The Guy come talk say he wants make I do business plan for am so he go give him oga.

(at this point I don laugh tire inside my belle)

But I still dey vex ( how can dis guy call me on a Friday that he wants to see me urgently over this nonsense and also requesting to see me very early at 8am( immediately I started adding 1+1 togeda. This guy doesn’t seem mentally ok) before I could even conclude on his mental qualities, the Guy come talk say he has left his father’s house a long time ago and he lives on the street. Na him I try shift small away from him before he decides to bite me and say is the way he greets people.

Wetin come make me fear na when he talk say he wants me to be his business partner!!!!!.so we can both benefit from this business plan. na him I tell my Mr. Tobi say, “guy nobody will pay you for that business plan not even your employer. That if the plan his good, he should tell his employer since he should be looking towards the development of the work place.

Na him he come start to dey talk with energy from nowhere, saying he has a brain that provides solution and that sometimes he walks the market and sees so many solutions to people’s business but he doesn’t want people to steal his business plan that’s why he wants a lawyer to be his partner. That he has given business plan to some of his friends who have used it to travel out of the country without giving him a penny. He even said some people use to say he is a mad man because he walks up and down looking at people ( In my Mind, Only if he knew they were right).

He come talk say he get plenty other business plan oh!!!! That it keeps coming to his head, that he cannot stop them. And that the latest business plan he is working on his informing Gtbank to give people insurance policy (what!!!!!!! Na him I tell my sef say dis guy really mad oooo  wetin concern bank with Insurance policy na, even at that gtbank has Mansard na)

Now to cut the long story short, I was invited for a meeting by a mad man. You people can say he is not mad but this is why I say he is a serious mad man.

1.      The reason for a meeting as early as 8am I cant find it

2.      He said the meeting is urgent because money is involved, I no see any money for the gist

3.      The business plan is stupid and foolish

4.      He told me he walks the street to be looking for peoples problem

5.      He said he wanted to advice the Nigerian banks (specifically Gt bank) to be offering insurance policy ( This is where I confirmed he was mad)

6.      He said people use to say he is mad.

Na him I beg the guy say I wan enter church to pray make he come dey go….quietly I was encouraging him before he exude  the energetic madness he displayed earlier. I come beg am make he take am easy……….

MORAL OF THE STORY IS NOT ALL MAD MEN YOU SEE WEARING DIRTY CLOTHES ROAMING THE STREET, SOME MAD MEN WILL APPEAR CLEAN AND ALSO USE BLACKBERRY PHONES AND THEY WILL HOOK U HOPE ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA  ESPECIALLY SINGLES AND MINGLES LOL!!!!) make una dey careful oooooo!!!!

SORRY FOR TAKING YOUR TIME AND IF I BORED YOU OUT, AM SORRY….

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HELP SEND PRODUCTS FROM THE US

Dear Stella,

Compliments. You are doing an awesome job on your blog.

I need someone who lives in the States to help me ship somethings back from the state at the lowest possible cost. If you can assist, please contact me by mail at naijavintage@gmail.com. 

Meanwhile, Abuja SDK BVs, let's plan our own get together!!

Love you Stels, all day...

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PLEA FOR SPONSORS

. I'm a 200l student,UNN  and on a healthy hair journey. I'll be hosting a natural/relaxed hair meet up in university of Nigeria,Nsukka this month. Please i need sponsors/advisers that can assist in ANY way. Be it monetary wise or publicity,just to make this event  successful. I still have to print flyers

My contact: PEACE 08135488326

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AMEBO GIST - THIEF AND THE MISSING RAMS..HAHAHAAHHA

Madam Stella I hail u oooo! This your work no be here. Na only God go bless you. Before I start my story, I feel bad that I couldn't make it to the blog party. Abeg post more pictures oooo! 

I was at the gate of my school when the James Bond 015 happened. All I was hearing was thief thief thief, something that hardly happens here I look up sharply to catch juicy gist. The traffic warden (yellow fever) open the door of the car, Benz 330 C class and jumped into the moving vehicle. A car was behind it in hot pursuit, finally they stopped cos someone swerved his car parking it right in the middle of the road. An old man came out of the Benz. A young man came out of the car pursuing the Benz. 'Gbosa,' the young man landed it on the old man's face (Oboi me sef feel am). I shifted closer

Tsakarai, barawon banza. Tsoho, mai marakunya. (Useless man, stupid thief, shameless old man). The young man was just raining insults on the oldman. The yellow fever collected the car key as the old man was arguing. 

The young man landed him another slap, gbosa again. Oya, ka bude boot (oya open your boot). The old man refused, insisting he did nothing. After much argument he opened it. See four fresh, fat looking rams came out of the boot. (Those rams if sold well during sallah can sum up to almost a 100k). The rams were bleating, evidently new to the surrounding. Gbosa, the man received another one. 

The yellow fever blew his whistle, four soldiers emerged. Me that have ginger to take pictures. I just put phone back in my bag before they smash it. After few minutes of explaining, one of the soldiers gave him a nice slap. It did not sound gbosa this time. It sounded like the 'abara' Yoruba mother's give their naughty children. Next the old man peed on his body. Start! Up, down. He started frog jump with the wet cloth. After a few minutes one of the soldiers ordered him to enter the boot where he kept the rams. See humility, he obeyed and entered quietly. They locked him and drove off with speed.

As people gathered to gossip about it, I remembered it was a scenario like this my phone was stolen. With my new baby in the bag, I waka commot before I land person slap.

(No mind my grammar. Am just learning pidgin). I am radio mai jini. (If you don't understand ask a Hausa man)

Is there anything like a nice slap?LMAO

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TESTIMONY - BLOG VISITOR NOW A MAGISTRATE!

Hi Stella bae. Keep up the good work. My days are never complete until I browse your blog. I mailed you some months ago about being pregnant and looking for a job. Well am happy to let you know that I delivered a bouncing baby boy. I also got the magisterial job I mailed you about. You may refer to me as "Your Worship". Please join me in thanking God. God is alive, good and faithful.

YES YOUR WORSHIP!..LOL

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''PLEASE SIR...PLEASE SIR I AM NOT A MAGOCHA'' (ASAWO)

Hi Stella,

  How are you doing? Your blog is something else. Keep the flag flying? During the midterm break while in South Africa, I decided to visit my Cousin. When I got there I met a colored South African woman, she was a divorced mother of one. She was my Cousin’s neighbor, very friendly and she always visits me.

 One day, she asked me to tell my Cousin that she loves him and wants him to date her. I was shocked because I never knew that ladies asked guys out.  I asked  her why he wanted to date my Cousin, she said, she had heard so much about Nigerians guys, that they have big dicks, and  she want a taste of it.

As a messenger that I was, I relayed the message to my Cousin; my Cousin said he doesn’t want to date colored South African ladies, because they are troublesome.  I didn’t tell my dear friend what my Cousin said. One day she visited, and said she wants to watch Nigerian movies, as we were watching the movie, my Cousin said, he was going to  his friend’s birthday party.

My Cousin came back later, with a bottle of Jack Daniels, I told my Cousin that I wasn’t interested, my colored friend joined my Cousin and they were drinking. My Cousin was drunk and he went inside his room, after some time, he called my colored friend and she went inside his room.

I was in the sitting room, enjoying the movie, the next I heard was Please Sir, Please Sir, My Cousin Shouted, No, you must fuck, you must fuck. My friend said, please Sir, l’ m not a Magocha (prostitute), with that she ran out of my cousin’s room and ran to her flat.

The next morning, I called her to watch Nigerian Movie with me, she refused.

Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahha

hahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahaha

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MY BABY IS HERE!

Hi Stella kork.

I Am a regular bv and 18th of May was my birthday. My first birthday as a mother actually. please fellow BVs help me

thank God for my life and that of my cute angel. He gave her to me as an early birthday present. born on the 6th of may. I'm so happy and grateful to God. Attach are her pic

OMG  I LOVE THIS BABY and she looks like me already!...seems internet nose is in vogue...yaaaaay

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REPLY FROM POSTER IN YESTERDAYS CHRONICLE ONE.

Read chronicle here if you missed it.

Good evening Aunty Stella, hope you're good. Well, I just got to read my story in your chronicle for the day cos I've been on transit. Well, she opened up to me last night. She said she wasn't and isn't cheating on me, that she just snapped cos I assumed or insinuated she could equate any dude to me. That she's been loyal and all and it really hurt her when I said that quote. I am team no snoop. I love her and I'll believe her. I think it's easier that way. I know people cheat a lot these days but I want to believe bae isn't cheating and I'll stick to it, it's easier that way. Thanks to all the advices from BVs especially Blog Legend, hers turned out to be what happened. Thanks Ma'am.

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Mini Flat Urgently Needed.

Good Afternoon SDK'ers

I am in urgent need of  a mini-flat in these axis Yaba, surulere, okota, ilupeju and plam Avenue.

My budget is between 300-350k  per Annum and I wld preferably want a balcony at the apartment because of my kind of job.

You can contact me on Adeoni07@yahoo.com

 08051681310

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GALAXY NOTE FOR SALE

 I have a galaxy note 10.1 for sale and its going for 40k. Prospective buyers in Lagos and Enugu can contact me 08114130840. Please only serious buyers. Thanx

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USHERING AGENCY AT YOUR SERVICE

Mrs kork,una wellu don oo,God bless your beautiful heart

I'd want my fellow bvs to please patronize me. I am a student in one of the higher institutions in lagos and I have an ushering agency,I mean the type of ushers you call on for your events and stuffs. House of Teemz can come to any event in lagos with good looking girls and guys,we won't disappoint you,just call on us. Thanks in anticipation. I can be reached on 07083508622 and holuwahteemeelerhin@gmail.com

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LG TONERS FOR SALE

I have LG Toner for sale, for use in HP 2100/4000/5000...it originally goes for 10,000naira per carton but i am  doing a bulk sale and selling each carton at a giveaway price for sdkers at 6000naira per carton, its 10 in a carton,price is still negotiable,already I have about 3000 cartons of this toner  available..any serious buyer can reach me on this number 07061855332, attached are pix of the toner,thanks 

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ABUJA CAKE CONTACT.

SDK good morning.

Hope you are good today.please I'm sorry to bother you on this,I need the contact of this lady in Abuja that makes cake for bvs,I can't remember her name now but I know she's given out lots of cake to bvs.

Please would appreciate your assistance. Thanks.

BV

Frances

oluifeanyi@gmail.com

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WHO DROPPED THIS COMMENT?

Hi Stella,

Please who ever wrote the attached comment I munched  should please drop their contact in the comment section. I want to appreciate you with small airtime. 

To you, you just dropped a comment, but you have no idea how close to home it hit for some people. God bless you and give you more wisdom.

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VACANCY

Hi Stellz..

I have a beauty studio which services includes hair dressing..pedicure,manicure,makeup,gele,facials etc.

I'm looking for male hair stylists that are very good especially in cutting and styling,i'm also looking for someone who is into photography or modelling that also can use my space for an office.

Interested people should please call 09030875920..Location is lagos mainland..thank you Stellz..may God continue to bless you

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BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

Hello bv, my name is Nicole and I reside in Lagos.. I have a franchise for sleek makeup. I made an offer last time and a lot of bvs benefited from it.. This is part two now.. We all know that to become a distributor or major distributor for some of the makeup lines, you need to part with some registration fee, but I am offering bvs the opportunity to buy sleek makeup from me without registration and saving yourself some good money..

 My case study is a 12 piece eye shadow pallet which goes  for 2,900 retail price will be given to u at 1580 ( major distributor price ) and 1780( distributor price) respectively.. So you are making good profit when you resell..

For those of you with little capital looking to make quick returns, it's a good bargain.. All you have to do is buy goods worth 30-50k , you qualify for distributor price and 60-100k you get at major distributor price ..

Interested bvs should pls contact me through my email..rafcherry@yahoo.com.

Thanks .

Nikky

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GAY ALLEGATIONS HEAPED ON BVS HEAD.

Last week Sunday  10th may I followed my cousin to a party in ibadan

around 5;3o a birthday party with about 27 guys and 7 girls at about

7.30pm the girls left remaining 21 guys I was about leaving when

police came to round us up claiming it was a gay cult we where held in

cell for three days before we where granted bail with 1o thousand

naira each and several other tip offs they talked about finding unused

condom in the room the condom was brought by a guy in the party that

attended an HIV  awareness stuff as if that wasn't enough these

policemen are still haunting us after proving well we are not gay abeg

help me tell the general public about it ooooo it happened in ibadan I

no wan go jail cus I know nothing na follow I follow go party the

party held in an hostel boys own hence the reason for so much guys

girls came took the Condoms nobody used aunty Stella biko oooo this

matter is getting out of hand I have an image to protect thanks GOD

BLESS YOU

KING ADETAYO.

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MEMO TO MRS A

There's a lady I lost her contact & would like to reconnect with. I sent a memo sometime ago, we reconnected  but lost her again. Mrs A, please I can't explain how your contact disappeared again from my phone oh. **phew**. PLEASE kindly resend an invite if you get this memo.. Thanx much.

From 'D'.

Next time copy it somewhere i wont post this again oh..hisss!

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SECOND HAND FREEZER URGENTLY NEEDED

l urgently need a second hand fridge or freezer at affordable prize to aid the hustle for survival before the rain becomes heavy. l had one which just packed up. l am tied of repairing it. l don't have enough money to buy new one for now. anyone who has a second hand fridge or freezer in Abuja should kindly contact me on 08128834855. GOD BLESS US ALL.

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BLOG VISITORS PORT HARCOURT PARTY PICS....

I have some but still waiting for the entire collection which the photographer has promised sending latest this evening or tomorrow.Please ya all be patient and stop dropping comments stressing me.even celebs event get posted late and none of you complain!

Let it rest abeg,the pics will be posted tomorrow unfailingly.Una hear?

NEXT!

Shout out to OBA....I love you and you rock!

Signing out...

STELLAKORK

Blognalist and fu*king proud social entrepreneur!