Tolu Falode's Interview On Her Book ''The Gift Of Grace''

• TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF

I’m Tolu Falode-a Christian, a graduate of law, a writer and a blogger. I discovered myself in Christ after losing my brother-Toba Falode-who was murdered in Dubai, UAE on the 15^th of February last year. I decided to share my story in the book Gift of Grace which is due to be released soon.

• WE ARE SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS. HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL DEEP INSIDE THAT JUSTICE WAS DENIED IN THE CASE OF THE MURDER OF YOUR BROTHER

Thank you for your condolences. I feel justice was denied in the case of Toba’s murder because the authorities never investigated the case properly. Even as we speak, the alleged murderers according to the eye witnesses: Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser and Olivia Melanie Richards Evans-still walk freely. That is the hardest part of what has happened-knowing that they have not faced the law even when they took a life. I struggle with that realization everyday. Toba was very important to my family and I. It pains me that his life was not valued by the UAE authorities who failed to properly look into the case of his death. They still refuse to investigate this case even after being presented with compelling witness statements. 

But the Nigerian government I have to say was the worst. I don’t think they value the lives of citizens at all. So many have passed on before and after my brother and not one move of action has been taken by the government in any of these cases. It’s a very shameful situation. My heart bleeds for the families of the lost that have gone through similar experiences because of the incompetency of the Nigerian government. I hope we have truly stepped into an era of change.

• DID THAT PROPEL YOU INTO WRITING THE BOOK, GIFT OF GRACE

I believe in more ways than one, I was led to write the book: Gift of Grace. It is a book that mostly tries to give a semblance of life to my brother’s story. I tried to convey to the readers that Toba was a soul just like yours and mine-a man searching for his voice in the place of time-but he never had a chance to be heard. It is a story of myself and by extension my family. I wrote this book through inspiration from my relationship with Christ. I found myself in Him after my brother’s death. 

I wanted to share how I survived my experience of losing Toba with others to help them through their own daily trials and struggles. 

• YOUR BOOK IS A MIX OF FAMILY, TRAGEDY AND TRIUMPH, WHY DID YOU BLEND THESE THREE INGREDIENTS WHEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER TO WRITE ABOUT JUST ONE

I blended these three ingredients together because this is my story. I wanted to stay as true to my experience as possible. And my experience has been a mix of family, tragedy and triumph. Gift of Grace talks about my family and our experiences as a unit and to some extent as individuals. It also goes into describing death and how it has affected us individually. But we found triumph in Christ and this was my primary aim in writing this book-to give others a deeper level of understanding about having a relationship with God.

• TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR FAITH AND HOW YOU FOUND GOD

My faith is my foundation. I don’t think I would have been able to survive losing Toba if not for the grace God provided to myself and my family. I was not saved till I lost my brother. I could not describe myself as being a true Christian till his death. And that is how I discovered my faith. Or rather that was how I was found by Christ. I was very lost, confused and alone because Toba and I were really close. He was my only sibling. Losing him left me feeling very confused about life. Without the presence of God in my life, I would not have survived that attack on my peace. I share more about this experience in my book. 

• HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE BOOK, GIFT OF GRACE

Gift of Grace is a book that celebrates family and faith. It is a book that is aimed at the young, the grieving and ultimately the lost. It is not a book restricted to any particular group of persons; it has something for everyone-and I believe as you read it, you would find more of yourself and relate to some extent, some of your experiences in life.

• I HAVE READ IT AND IT IS A POWERFUL BOOK OF FAITH COMING FROM SOMEONE AS YOUNG AS YOU, HOW DID YOU GET SO MUCH DEPTH SO EARLY IN LIFE

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I was very nervous about writing this book. Like I said I wanted to remain as true to myself as possible for the readers and for my own peace of mind. I wanted people to see the real me and to show them more of how Christ can change any person’s story. Believe me, exactly a year ago, I was not aware this is how my story would have changed which is in itself a testimony to His Grace. My growth in Christ, started from losing Toba-I was broken. I was really truly lost and I did not know who I was anymore. I could not believe he was gone. God decided to come into my life during that period and He revealed Himself slowly to my spirit. That is how I grew in my faith. Before then, I did not really know Him. But after the death of my brother, I was introduced to the bringer of Life-Jesus Christ.

• YOU KEPT SAYING BROTHER SHUAIB ‘S  DEATH INFLUENCED YOUR DECISION TO STUDY LAW. DO YOU REGRET STUDYING LAW AND WHAT WOULD YOU WISH YOU STUDIED

Brother Shuaib is my late Uncle. Only Toba and I ever called him Brother Shuaib. Its weird that I am now the only one who calls him that as my brother is now also late. I could not share my story without speaking about my Brother Shuaib. He was a big part of my decision to study law as he was also a lawyer in training. No; I don’t regret studying law. At the time I wrote the book, I was struggling a lot with identity. Having seen death twice in my life hit so close to home, you begin to question the choices you have made in your life. Law ironically enough, has proved extremely helpful in navigating the case for justice for Toba. It has helped me to grasp unto a lot of things I would not have understood if I did not study it. I don’t think I would have chosen to study anything else. In fact, I am grateful I studied law. 

•  TELL US ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, THE AMAZON HERSELF

People know her as Aisha Falode the sports journalist-I simply know her as ‘mummy’. (Laughs)

She is a very strong woman. I think that goes without saying. I respect my mother a lot. She is the bravest person I know and I am honored to call her my mother. This death has scarred her deeply. But I thank God that she is finally managing to see herself past the loss of my brother Toba.

She has helped me a lot in writing this book-in fact it was her idea. We aided each other in dealing with Toba’s death. It is a very painful moment in my family’s story. She also lost her brother, my uncle-Brother Shuaib-a couple of years ago. So she has dealt with loss too often in her life. Despite this, she manages to push forward with her life. She has taught me a lot as a mother and as a woman; mostly that you should not let your experiences define you and that you can achieve a lot in life if you work towards it.

• HOW ARE YOU GUYS COPING THESE DAYS

We thank God. Though it has been over a year, it is not easy. In some ways, I think it becomes more difficult because you begin to wonder about how time has moved so swiftly past your pain. I miss my brother every day. There are numerous experiences I would have loved to share with him and countless moments we would have been able to spend together since his death. But that is now not possible. 

In all this however, God has been so faithful to my family and for that I am forever grateful.

• DO YOU THINK YOUR BROTHER TOBA ‘TYLER FRAY’ WILL EVER GET JUSTICE 

My brother will get justice. It may not be today, it may be tomorrow-but it will come. I know that much. Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser and Olivia Richards Evans made a huge mistake in taking his life. I’m sure if anything they are aware of that much. I believe we will feel the hand of justice soon in this case because God the Almighty is the final arbiter. 

• WOULD HIS PASSING HAVE BEEN EASIER IF HE HADN’T BEEN MURDERED

I don’t think it would have been easier but it would have been much less abrupt. That’s for sure. We never had a chance to say goodbye. He just left. Just like that. That’s the most painful part. At least if you know someone is about to die you start saying all the things you want them to know. I just woke up one day and my brother was dead. How do you deal with that?  The thought that he knew he was dying as well-that was a difficult one for me to swallow. I never wanted him to experience such pain-and yet he did when he passed. So no, murder did not make it easier for any of us to deal with at all.

• BACK TO THE BOOK, WHO SHOULD READ/BUY GIFT OF GRACE

Gift of Grace is for everyone. It is a story that speaks about experience. I would not classify it to just one particular set of people. It talks about love, laughter, sacrifice, and also speaks on pain, and finally culminates in purpose and faith. So my hope is that it encourages everyone who reads it to understand how God works wonders in our daily struggles.

• WHEN WILL IT BE LAUNCHED AND WHO DO YOU EXPECT AT THE LAUNCH

It will be launched on the 19^th of May. That day is very important to me because it would have been my brother’s 21^st birthday. I wanted to honour his memory as much as possible because he inspired this journey that led me to my foundation in Christ. He is a part of my story and I hope he will be excited about this new chapter I have taken in my life as a Christian. 

We are expecting family and friends at the launch to join us as they were also there during this period over a year ago when we suffered the loss of Toba. For me, Toba will never be dead-he lives on in my heart. I’m very excited about this new phase in my story…I’m sure he is as well.

• WHO IS THE PUBLISHER AND HOW SOON WILL IT BE ON THE BOOK SHELVES

The publisher is Quramo Publishing. They have been very helpful and professional in helping print this story. Gift of Grace: A Sibling Bond will be on bookshelves from the 19^th of May.

• WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS

My future plans are still being defined for now. Like I explain in my book, death changes a lot in your life. I have learned to embrace each day as it comes and to be grateful for the gift in the present. Right now, I am just trying to stay focused on my journey as a Christian and growing in my career path as a lawyer.

Available from the 19^th of May.

Find us On:

Facebook: Tolu Falode: Gift Of Grace

Instagram: fantheflame

Blog: the-flame-of-faith.blogspot.com

Twitter: tolufalode