Nigerians on Twitter have come again with another hilarious hashtag. #ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe was trending last night on Twitter.
Here's some of the tweets...
LMAOOO.....Has Nollywood taught you anything?
Add yours if you get!
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Stella Nollywood has taught me. blind girl selling recharge card.
ReplyDeleteGod dey
Lmao. I watched dat movie.
DeleteNollywood taught me a ghost has to knock a door before entering
DeleteHahahahahahaahahha my tummy is hurting
DeleteNollywood has taught me that when you shoot someone with a gun, smoke comes out of the person's body instead of blood and the person dies foaming in the mouth
DeleteNollwood has taught me that village girls have well manicured long nails painted with blue or flashy colors.
DeleteNollywood has taught me that you can wear the same hairstyle and nail polish for years!
DeleteNollywood has taught me dt if u r blind n u fall b hit ur head, u'll regain ur eyesight.
DeleteNice one..everytin is trending this days
ReplyDeleteLol I see my handle der @tweetest_boi
DeleteI just watch dat okwudilli video n I was touch n tears came down my eyes... I have decide to make peace with God n stop my old ways ...so help me Lord
DeleteThis hashtag topic is old!!!!!!!! From two years ago... I brought it up and made it trend.. :D... Nigerians and re invention..
DeleteFrom the beginning you can tell how it will end....same story line
ReplyDeleteIf you join the cult last u will die FIRST.....
DeleteEverybody in trouble has the DPO's number
DeleteEvery big girl in university has a car
DeleteIn the university,guys always toast girls under mango trees
DeleteFake "I belong " girls can go home during the weekend, convince their poor widowed mothers to sell 3 plots of land (b/w Friday and Sunday) and come back to school on Monday with a new car and lots of cash
Delete4 month old babies act as newborns
DeleteCatching your cheating husband (even without snooping) is as easy as ABC....he starts today u catch him next week
DeleteIf your husband or wife is cheating you must hear it first from your neighbour
DeleteIn a village when you do something bad(whether in secret or open) when you pass,people will spit out and immediately start talking about you
DeletePeople sleep with necklace and earrings on
DeleteNo one ever offs the TV when they are going out
DeleteThere's always something to eat in the fridge
DeleteOnce you have office job your dress code automatically changes to suit
DeleteEveryday food is rice
DeleteYou always run into your ex
Delete#ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe is that a senator's son will easily fall in love with a slave, which does not happen in real life, where they wan meet sef?
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Sweetheart, them dey meet o. I'm a living example.
DeleteNollywood has taught me that Chinwetalu Agu and Ngozi Ezeonu can still go back to primary school.
Delete@ starry Larry biko no kill me with laugh.
DeleteNollywood taught me....that during a sex(y) scene....if I feel sensations in my pelvic area ...I am normal
DeleteI was so young when this started and didn't know who to talk to about it or even how to go about it........
Thanks Nollywood!
That the Igwe or king of a community only has one child( a son or a daughter)
Delete#thingsnollywoodtaughtme emeka ike must always go to prison for love
ReplyDelete1.Chioma chukwuka always plays the role of a virtuous woman.
Delete2. All the rich people in movies drink juice with their meals. They never drink water.
3. In every sex scene, the girl goes under the covers with her 'white' towel on. Lol!
4. Chiwetalagu has a colloquial slang in every movie.
5. All the palace guards wear uniforms.
6. Every yoruba movie must have voodoo scenes.
7. Clem Ohaneze is either poor, a ritualist, or a cultist.
Lmao
ReplyDeleteHollywood has taught me that when you kill someone with a gun,his ghost will not come back to hunt you,only those killed with juju comes back to hunt...lol!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha so so true
DeleteA person who poisons food will taste it and not die...but the victim will eat it and die.
DeleteNollywood theme songs tell u how the movie will end.
Every movie ends with "to God be the glory"
They carry the same hairstyle for 20years.
Their gate man always argues with oga and doesn't get fired.
They never lock the door when going out.
When in the house they are always fully dressed with heels and makeup.
In most movies when they have flash backs, there's another flash back in the flashback. Heck.
The owner of the movie is always shown in every scene.
Abeg I tire.
That Yul Edochie is gay
ReplyDeleteAwwwww....slap me!
Receive it
Delete@ Mamie, e-slap. Tuah! Tuah! Tuah! Is it enough? Lolololol. Werey woman.
DeleteLol
ReplyDeleteNollywood has taught me that any movie chiwetalu agu features in,he must have one rubbish thing to say.
So annoying.
Nollywood taught me that one million naira will fill up a Ghana must go bag
DeleteYou find it annoying??? Some people find it interesting oooo.
DeleteThingsNollywoodTaughtMe:
ReplyDeleteYou can can tell how the movie will end just by listening to the soundtrack.
Lol @skyping with water in calabash
Exactly. Loll
Delete#thingsnollywoodthought me, all mother in laws are wicked...
ReplyDeleteTaught
DeleteNollywood movies must have happy endings
ReplyDelete#WhatNollywoodhastaughtme that Patience Ozokwor is a wicked mother in-law, Pete Edochie,a Cultist$ Nkeiru Sylvanus a cry baby
ReplyDeleteLmao....
ReplyDeleteI miss sdkb
My workload for the next two weeks is wa!
#thingsnollywoodthoughtme, if you travel abroad to any country you must come back with an American Accent...
ReplyDeleteTaught
Delete*taught
Delete#thingsnollywoodthoughtme, if you travel abroad to any country even if its Ghana, you must come back with an American Accent...
ReplyDeleteTaught
DeleteThat as a female, you can wear one hair for a decade
ReplyDeleteHahahaha true that!!!
DeleteI actually lolled at this comment!
DeleteHahahahahaha!!..
DeleteI tire. Carry weavon for 12 months straight! Lololol.
DeleteHahahahahahahahaha, OMG...only cute guys can act love movies, ugly ones will make do with bodyguards and babalawo....lwkmd
ReplyDeleteLmfao! Very funny tweets!
ReplyDeleteA proper poor village girl rocks very nice long human hair.
ReplyDeleteWith well manicured nails.
DeleteWith tatoo on her neck Lmao
DeleteThat everyone dresses up tight with heavy makeup to sit in the sitting room.
ReplyDeleteThe kardashians do it! With jacket and heels sef
DeleteAnd wear high heels while cooking in the kitchen..lol
DeleteWith heels o....who wears heels in the house really?
DeleteTie gele to visit your next door neighbor. Lololol
DeleteIn Yoruba movies, there must always be an Alfa or an ifa priest or a White garment pastor or sometimes a combination of all.
ReplyDeleteIn Yoruba movies, there must always be an Alfa or an ifa priest or a White garment pastor or sometimes a combination of all.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of yoruba movies, a number of people must gather in one place, hospital, living room or babalawo shrine and start doing flashbacks
DeleteLol,so true,dere was one where both d Alfa and d priest where praying side by side I think for d same person
DeleteEka Joy,you killed it,lol!.
DeleteEka Joy eh....lmao
DeleteOMG!! Am dead hehehehehe
DeleteBwahahahahahahaha...
DeleteMy belle ooo...
That in Afmag yoruba, there must always be a flashback in another flashback and in another flashback. Like 3-5 flashbacks hAppenin exactly same time. All flashbacks must be i. BLACK & white
DeleteLolololol, no pentecostal church for Yoruba movie. Aladura and babalawo only.
DeleteHahahahhahahah
Deleteso true
and Wit deir Eyes looking up to d Sky and shaking deir heads @ flash backs
LMAO
Chiwetalu agu is always the mischievous onowu of the kingdom who has a funny parable
ReplyDeleteChiwetalu agu is always the mischievous onowu of the kingdom who has a funny parable
ReplyDeleteAfter confessing, the 'winch' must roll on the floor and die
ReplyDeleteLol.
DeleteOr run mad
DeleteLmaoooo
DeleteHahahahaha @ the winch
DeleteFolarin OOOO
DeleteIf an IFA priest wants to show someone their past or cause of their problem in Yoruba movie, a white cloth is always tied on a wall or a tree which will be the spiritual 3d television
ReplyDeleteLoool, so true.
ReplyDeleteI've always wondered why they think every pregnant girl must throw up or spit.
Lol @ "the road must shake when an accident is about to happen"
Click my name for all your celebration cakes and cupcakes, cheers
Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBuhahahahahahahahahahahaha
ReplyDelete#ThingsNollywoodhastaughtme when you go bankrupt,you become goes poor instantly,all your fine clothes will disappear and u start wearing rags,the banks must come the next day to confiscate your house.
ThingsNollywoodhastaughtme when a fine dude hits a girl with his car,he falls in love and marry her.
Lol
DeleteYou become goes poor? English ntor...
DeleteAnd marry her? #faints!
DeleteHahahhaha funny...
ReplyDeleteNollywood has taught me that most movies including the one that is all about prostitution, oloshos at work, will end with "TO GOD BE THE GLORY"
Hahahaha
DeleteRotflmfao!
DeleteLWKMD.
ReplyDeleteIn a village scene that has a villain there must be a drunkard that warns him of his impending doom.
ReplyDeleteThis got me laughing hard..lol!
DeleteThat ashewo or runz be the ish among ladies. A sure way to the good life.
ReplyDeleteTHELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDelete*ROTFL*....hahahahahahahah...LMAO!!!!
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
Once? You commented once?
DeleteHahahahaha
DeleteMrs D u no well
Thels baby Wetin happen today nA
LMAO
Lmao, it taught me dat ghost can pick up d fone 2 mak a call n open d door b4 passing. Y must der always b a sound wen d ghost appears n disappears?
ReplyDeleteNollywood kwennu!!!!
So hilarious...and not from from the truth.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteFunny tweets
#thingsNollyWoodTaughtMe
ReplyDeleteWhenever a bad thing is about to happen,
Sound of music changes.
Mad persons are always clothed and always dancing..
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeleteWednesday laugh. nice one.
ReplyDeleteaunty stella, Desmond Elliot has received his Certificate of return thank God.
ReplyDelete....NEPA no dey Eva carry light.
ReplyDelete....young girl fixes same nails/color all Tru teenage years till d movie ends
hmmmm what they taught me has been tweeted already when someone is bored he or she play with the spoon on the food the next you hear is honey why are u not eating your food are you okay
ReplyDelete#GODWIN
a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Lmaoooo.... Very funny shit no doubt...
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
That
ReplyDelete1.if someone wants to poison a food,he will sprinkle salt into the food.
2. patience ozokwo must always be mamaG.
3.Chioma chukwuka is always a good girl.
4.Making love scene...we see them pulling their clothes..next minute we see the clothes on the floor..next minute we see them sweating...DO don finish.
4.The gate man must be a haggard looking fool that is a drunk and cannot speak English
5.
Nollywood always have one way of ending!None with a suspense.
ReplyDeleteAm telling you, I hardly watch Nollywood movies, so predictable
DeleteLololol, this is so true and right.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahaha very funny tweets.
ReplyDeleteNollywood has taught me that female university students must dress half naked.
Nollywood has taught me dat a very poor village slave girl can have a tattoo and her nails fixed.
Lmao @ weneva u are worried, use a spoon or fork to play with rice without eating.
Hahahahaha so true
ReplyDeleteI loveeee Chiwetalu's Igbo effizy in every movie abeg. 'Okotoro' hahahha funny man. Wish I understand the dialect.
ReplyDeletecarrying empty luggages and pretending is heavy. House girl fixing nails, Ini Edo carrying one hair style even after 25 years. Lol my nollywood
ReplyDeleteNollywood taught me all problems are spiritual.
ReplyDeleteYoruba Nollywood taught me that for story to interesting one girl must lo yun'
ReplyDeleteNollywood taught me the background music must be ' Gini' kan mere..o
ReplyDeleteThat na suffer head film
DeleteNollywood taught me the gate man must be a nuisance or stupidly funny and unserious .
ReplyDeleteLol. very funny. cool
ReplyDeleteIt must end with To God be the glory' .also witch and wizard go turn black, swell, confess beg for mercy and die.
ReplyDeleteHilarious tweets and comments! Lol
ReplyDeleteThat single ladies must live in a big mansion, even if u re still looking 4 a job
ReplyDeleteNollywood taught me ini Edo must be looking sultry .2) when someone runs man for years( woman) her nails are well manicured.3)from my TV I smell the bad breadth oozing out of their mouth when the come close to each other..look we'll you will notice their discomfort.4)All the clowns in Yoruba flims bear the same names in all their flims.
ReplyDeleteWats dis one saying pls???
DeletePoor village girls with long nails and torn cloths!l
ReplyDeleteThingsnollywoodhastaughtme
ReplyDeleteStep mother is always wicked, step kids are always treated badly, village wife is always brought for a rich town boy who is married without a child. Then the village wife gets pregnant and gives birth, first wife gets pregnant and hubby falls out of love with villa wife
#thingsnollywoodtaughtme your mom can tell if you are pregnant by looking into your eyes
ReplyDeleteRobbers shooting and robbing and passerby are walking freely like nothing is happening
ReplyDeleteThat once they show the door someone is about to enter. And a poor girl mourning the death of her okada driver father and corn roasting mother with long acrylic nails, long fake eye lashes and wrapped Human hair in a scarf onee week after their death, and they have directors o
ReplyDelete#thingsnollywoodtaughtme# You must wear your NYSC uniform from home once you have been posted for service
ReplyDelete#tthingsnollywoodtaughtme# After 25years, the puppy in the compound still remains the same
Watch out for part 2
ReplyDeleteNollywood nollywood, una no go kill persin.
ReplyDeleteLmao. Nollywood no go kpai person.
ReplyDeleteEverything the guy tweeted is 100%
ReplyDeleteAHAHAHA, oh my! Eba I was swallowing nearly hang for my throat oo.
ReplyDeleteNollywood taught me that, your sitting room can look grandeur, but your bedroom shabby with scanty clothes in the wardrobe.
Nitty Gritty
Rotflmao. Oh my world
ReplyDeleteNollywood thought me u can fill up one ghana must go bag with 20 million naira notes and carry it with just one hand.
ReplyDeleteWhen the man wants to throw the woman out he just goes in and comes out with a suit case or Ghana must go like she had it pre packed. House boys/ gatemen must always play the fool.
ReplyDeleteThat every poor village must tie her hair, and immediately she meets a rich man, she loses the head tie and have a new hair do...(Note: she has been carrying the hair do from the beginning but had to tie her hair just to play make believe
ReplyDelete#WhatNollywoodTaughtMe There must be one wicked winchi old wretched uncle that is "doing" everyone in his family.
ReplyDeleteThat when something shocks you, you faint
ReplyDeleteThat when you come back from US, even if you are a professional you must dress like a gangster *side eye at Jim iyke
ReplyDeleteWhen a man makes money, he must abandon his faithful wife, marry a young gold digger, loose all his money and come back to his wife. And she takes him back
ReplyDeleteThat rich kids always call their fathers "deddy" note pronounced with an e not a
ReplyDelete#WhatNollywoodTaughtMe... every gateman must be an aboki mallam. Every mad man/woman must be at a refuse dump chasing people and dancing with rubbish hanging on their neck. That actresses wake up in the morning with their full make up on.
ReplyDeleteNollywood has taught me that good girls get married to rich men, the poor people get rich at the end, once you do an abortion you can never give birth again, Ngozi ezeonu is always a queen, Jim Iyke is always a bad boy from abroad, Catholic is the only church, princess can marry an illetrate palm wine tapper, that a calabar person is either a gateman or a maid, that bishop umoh must speak big English that he doesn't understand, that any extremely rich person is an occult person. That cat that mews at night is a witch,
ReplyDeleteSeriously nollywood sucks at legal scenes #soannoying
ReplyDelete#NollywoodHasTaughtMe#....Nothing reasonable!!!!!!
ReplyDelete#Nollywoodhastaughtme that watching some of their films is detrimental to my IQ.
ReplyDelete#ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe# that the definition of a rich(wealthy)man is drinking juice or fruit wine in the garden reading a newspaper.
ReplyDelete