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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Hilarious Tweets On #ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe


Nigerians on Twitter have come again with another hilarious hashtag. #ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe was trending last night on Twitter.

Here's some of the tweets...































LMAOOO.....Has Nollywood taught you anything?

Add yours if you get!



By -

165 comments:

  1. Yori Yori Princess29 April 2015 at 16:02

    Stella Nollywood has taught me. blind girl selling recharge card.

    God dey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SDK Babe29 April 2015 at 16:59

      Lmao. I watched dat movie.

      Delete
    2. Unknown29 April 2015 at 18:44

      Nollywood taught me a ghost has to knock a door before entering

      Delete
    3. yourstrulyblogposts.blogspot.com29 April 2015 at 20:13

      Hahahahahahaahahha my tummy is hurting

      Delete
    4. BLOGLORD (MVBM)29 April 2015 at 21:17

      Nollywood has taught me that when you shoot someone with a gun, smoke comes out of the person's body instead of blood and the person dies foaming in the mouth

      Delete
    5. BLOGLORD (MVBM)29 April 2015 at 21:20

      Nollwood has taught me that village girls have well manicured long nails painted with blue or flashy colors.

      Delete
    6. verygoodbadgirl30 April 2015 at 07:51

      Nollywood has taught me that you can wear the same hairstyle and nail polish for years!

      Delete
    7. Anonymous30 April 2015 at 14:20

      Nollywood has taught me dt if u r blind n u fall b hit ur head, u'll regain ur eyesight.

      Delete
  2. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:04

    Nice one..everytin is trending this days

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr_SouL Get Naija Twitter/IG followers/7AB109CB29 April 2015 at 19:49

      Lol I see my handle der @tweetest_boi

      Delete
    2. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 22:00

      I just watch dat okwudilli video n I was touch n tears came down my eyes... I have decide to make peace with God n stop my old ways ...so help me Lord

      Delete
    3. Unknown30 April 2015 at 08:51

      This hashtag topic is old!!!!!!!! From two years ago... I brought it up and made it trend.. :D... Nigerians and re invention..

      Delete
  3. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:04

    From the beginning you can tell how it will end....same story line

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:27

      If you join the cult last u will die FIRST.....

      Delete
    2. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:29

      Everybody in trouble has the DPO's number

      Delete
    3. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:31

      Every big girl in university has a car

      Delete
    4. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:32

      In the university,guys always toast girls under mango trees

      Delete
    5. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:37

      Fake "I belong " girls can go home during the weekend, convince their poor widowed mothers to sell 3 plots of land (b/w Friday and Sunday) and come back to school on Monday with a new car and lots of cash

      Delete
    6. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:39

      4 month old babies act as newborns

      Delete
    7. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:41

      Catching your cheating husband (even without snooping) is as easy as ABC....he starts today u catch him next week

      Delete
    8. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:42

      If your husband or wife is cheating you must hear it first from your neighbour

      Delete
    9. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:43

      In a village when you do something bad(whether in secret or open) when you pass,people will spit out and immediately start talking about you

      Delete
    10. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:44

      People sleep with necklace and earrings on

      Delete
    11. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:44

      No one ever offs the TV when they are going out

      Delete
    12. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:46

      There's always something to eat in the fridge

      Delete
    13. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:46

      Once you have office job your dress code automatically changes to suit

      Delete
    14. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:48

      Everyday food is rice

      Delete
    15. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:48

      You always run into your ex

      Delete
  4. STARRY LARRY29 April 2015 at 16:06

    #ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe is that a senator's son will easily fall in love with a slave, which does not happen in real life, where they wan meet sef?




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 18:26

      Sweetheart, them dey meet o. I'm a living example.

      Delete
    2. SDK Babe29 April 2015 at 18:54

      Nollywood has taught me that Chinwetalu Agu and Ngozi Ezeonu can still go back to primary school.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 20:58

      @ starry Larry biko no kill me with laugh.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 21:57

      Nollywood taught me....that during a sex(y) scene....if I feel sensations in my pelvic area ...I am normal

      I was so young when this started and didn't know who to talk to about it or even how to go about it........

      Thanks Nollywood!

      Delete
    5. Microlocsproafrique29 April 2015 at 23:45

      That the Igwe or king of a community only has one child( a son or a daughter)

      Delete
  5. Eka Joy29 April 2015 at 16:07

    #thingsnollywoodtaughtme emeka ike must always go to prison for love

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nicole30 April 2015 at 01:46

      1.Chioma chukwuka always plays the role of a virtuous woman.
      2. All the rich people in movies drink juice with their meals. They never drink water.
      3. In every sex scene, the girl goes under the covers with her 'white' towel on. Lol!
      4. Chiwetalagu has a colloquial slang in every movie.
      5. All the palace guards wear uniforms.
      6. Every yoruba movie must have voodoo scenes.
      7. Clem Ohaneze is either poor, a ritualist, or a cultist.

      Delete
  6. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:08

    Lmao

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fireworks!!29 April 2015 at 16:09

    Hollywood has taught me that when you kill someone with a gun,his ghost will not come back to hunt you,only those killed with juju comes back to hunt...lol!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown29 April 2015 at 21:18

      Hahahahaha so so true

      Delete
    2. Unknown30 April 2015 at 02:39

      A person who poisons food will taste it and not die...but the victim will eat it and die.

      Nollywood theme songs tell u how the movie will end.

      Every movie ends with "to God be the glory"

      They carry the same hairstyle for 20years.

      Their gate man always argues with oga and doesn't get fired.

      They never lock the door when going out.

      When in the house they are always fully dressed with heels and makeup.

      In most movies when they have flash backs, there's another flash back in the flashback. Heck.

      The owner of the movie is always shown in every scene.

      Abeg I tire.

      Delete
  8. M-amie Hazard innit? 29 April 2015 at 16:10

    That Yul Edochie is gay
    Awwwww....slap me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 21:52

      Receive it

      Delete
    2. Anonymous30 April 2015 at 02:10

      @ Mamie, e-slap. Tuah! Tuah! Tuah! Is it enough? Lolololol. Werey woman.

      Delete
  9. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:13

    Lol
    Nollywood has taught me that any movie chiwetalu agu features in,he must have one rubbish thing to say.
    So annoying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eka Joy29 April 2015 at 16:48

      Nollywood taught me that one million naira will fill up a Ghana must go bag

      Delete
    2. Cynhams Cakes & Pastries, Abuja (home delivery)29 April 2015 at 16:50

      You find it annoying??? Some people find it interesting oooo.

      Delete
  10. Who'sThatGirl29 April 2015 at 16:13

    ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe:

    You can can tell how the movie will end just by listening to the soundtrack.

    Lol @skyping with water in calabash

    ReplyDelete
  11. JackyMfon29 April 2015 at 16:14

    #thingsnollywoodthought me, all mother in laws are wicked...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:15

    Nollywood movies must have happy endings

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bootilicious29 April 2015 at 16:15

    #WhatNollywoodhastaughtme that Patience Ozokwor is a wicked mother in-law, Pete Edochie,a Cultist$ Nkeiru Sylvanus a cry baby

    ReplyDelete
  14. Charming29 April 2015 at 16:16

    Lmao....
    I miss sdkb
    My workload for the next two weeks is wa!

    ReplyDelete
  15. JackyMfon29 April 2015 at 16:16

    #thingsnollywoodthoughtme, if you travel abroad to any country you must come back with an American Accent...

    ReplyDelete
  16. JackyMfon29 April 2015 at 16:17

    #thingsnollywoodthoughtme, if you travel abroad to any country even if its Ghana, you must come back with an American Accent...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tannie29 April 2015 at 16:19

    That as a female, you can wear one hair for a decade

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pipi Lee29 April 2015 at 16:19

    Hahahahahahahahaha, OMG...only cute guys can act love movies, ugly ones will make do with bodyguards and babalawo....lwkmd

    ReplyDelete
  19. Pink Bananas29 April 2015 at 16:19

    Lmfao! Very funny tweets!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ma Fla29 April 2015 at 16:21

    A proper poor village girl rocks very nice long human hair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown29 April 2015 at 19:02

      With well manicured nails.

      Delete
    2. olori western union29 April 2015 at 19:29

      With tatoo on her neck Lmao

      Delete
  21. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:24

    That everyone dresses up tight with heavy makeup to sit in the sitting room.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:13

      The kardashians do it! With jacket and heels sef

      Delete
    2. Fireworks!!29 April 2015 at 18:24

      And wear high heels while cooking in the kitchen..lol

      Delete
    3. Unknown29 April 2015 at 19:02

      With heels o....who wears heels in the house really?

      Delete
    4. Anonymous30 April 2015 at 02:13

      Tie gele to visit your next door neighbor. Lololol

      Delete
  22. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:24

    In Yoruba movies, there must always be an Alfa or an ifa priest or a White garment pastor or sometimes a combination of all.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:24

    In Yoruba movies, there must always be an Alfa or an ifa priest or a White garment pastor or sometimes a combination of all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eka Joy29 April 2015 at 16:50

      At the end of yoruba movies, a number of people must gather in one place, hospital, living room or babalawo shrine and start doing flashbacks

      Delete
    2. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:54

      Lol,so true,dere was one where both d Alfa and d priest where praying side by side I think for d same person

      Delete
    3. Fireworks!!29 April 2015 at 18:20

      Eka Joy,you killed it,lol!.

      Delete
    4. Unknown29 April 2015 at 19:03

      Eka Joy eh....lmao

      Delete
    5. olori western union29 April 2015 at 19:30

      OMG!! Am dead hehehehehe

      Delete
    6. ChyAdaJesus29 April 2015 at 22:20

      Bwahahahahahahaha...

      My belle ooo...

      Delete
    7. C'est moi29 April 2015 at 23:12

      That in Afmag yoruba, there must always be a flashback in another flashback and in another flashback. Like 3-5 flashbacks hAppenin exactly same time. All flashbacks must be i. BLACK & white

      Delete
    8. Anonymous30 April 2015 at 02:14

      Lolololol, no pentecostal church for Yoruba movie. Aladura and babalawo only.

      Delete
    9. The General's Wife30 April 2015 at 16:17

      Hahahahhahahah
      so true
      and Wit deir Eyes looking up to d Sky and shaking deir heads @ flash backs
      LMAO

      Delete
  24. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:25

    Chiwetalu agu is always the mischievous onowu of the kingdom who has a funny parable

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:25

    Chiwetalu agu is always the mischievous onowu of the kingdom who has a funny parable

    ReplyDelete
  26. FOLARIN•29 April 2015 at 16:26

    After confessing, the 'winch' must roll on the floor and die

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:26

    If an IFA priest wants to show someone their past or cause of their problem in Yoruba movie, a white cloth is always tied on a wall or a tree which will be the spiritual 3d television

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 16:28

    Loool, so true.
    I've always wondered why they think every pregnant girl must throw up or spit.

    Lol @ "the road must shake when an accident is about to happen"

    Click my name for all your celebration cakes and cupcakes, cheers

    ReplyDelete
  29. calabar chick29 April 2015 at 16:31

    Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thatigbobabe(Lilyflower)29 April 2015 at 16:32

    Buhahahahahahahahahahahaha
    #ThingsNollywoodhastaughtme when you go bankrupt,you become goes poor instantly,all your fine clothes will disappear and u start wearing rags,the banks must come the next day to confiscate your house.

    ThingsNollywoodhastaughtme when a fine dude hits a girl with his car,he falls in love and marry her.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Cynthia Iyede29 April 2015 at 16:36

    Hahahhaha funny...
    Nollywood has taught me that most movies including the one that is all about prostitution, oloshos at work, will end with "TO GOD BE THE GLORY"

    ReplyDelete
  32. OMALICHAC29 April 2015 at 16:36

    LWKMD.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:37

    In a village scene that has a villain there must be a drunkard that warns him of his impending doom.

    ReplyDelete
  34. LOVELACE29 April 2015 at 16:40

    That ashewo or runz be the ish among ladies. A sure way to the good life.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thelma's cake world29 April 2015 at 16:42

    THELMA ENEMUWE said...
    *ROTFL*....hahahahahahahah...LMAO!!!!
    *faithful BV enemuwe thelma*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown29 April 2015 at 19:04

      Once? You commented once?

      Delete
    2. The General's Wife30 April 2015 at 16:19

      Hahahahaha
      Mrs D u no well
      Thels baby Wetin happen today nA
      LMAO

      Delete
  36. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:42

    Lmao, it taught me dat ghost can pick up d fone 2 mak a call n open d door b4 passing. Y must der always b a sound wen d ghost appears n disappears?

    Nollywood kwennu!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:44

    So hilarious...and not from from the truth.

    ReplyDelete
  38. MRS CHI UDE(Baby Face)29 April 2015 at 16:45

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha
    Funny tweets

    ReplyDelete
  39. Sabongida Ora cutest29 April 2015 at 16:48

    #thingsNollyWoodTaughtMe

    Whenever a bad thing is about to happen,
    Sound of music changes.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:48

    Mad persons are always clothed and always dancing..

    ReplyDelete
  41. Mao Akuh (Oriflame)29 April 2015 at 16:55

    Lol

    ReplyDelete
  42. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:56

    Wednesday laugh. nice one.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Unknown29 April 2015 at 16:57

    aunty stella, Desmond Elliot has received his Certificate of return thank God.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Anu Funke29 April 2015 at 17:00

    ....NEPA no dey Eva carry light.
    ....young girl fixes same nails/color all Tru teenage years till d movie ends

    ReplyDelete
  45. danny fisiye29 April 2015 at 17:03

    hmmmm what they taught me has been tweeted already when someone is bored he or she play with the spoon on the food the next you hear is honey why are u not eating your food are you okay





    #GODWIN

    ReplyDelete
  46. Unknown29 April 2015 at 17:06

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
    .
    Lmaoooo.... Very funny shit no doubt...
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:06

    That

    1.if someone wants to poison a food,he will sprinkle salt into the food.

    2. patience ozokwo must always be mamaG.

    3.Chioma chukwuka is always a good girl.

    4.Making love scene...we see them pulling their clothes..next minute we see the clothes on the floor..next minute we see them sweating...DO don finish.

    4.The gate man must be a haggard looking fool that is a drunk and cannot speak English

    5.

    ReplyDelete
  48. David Iyke29 April 2015 at 17:06

    Nollywood always have one way of ending!None with a suspense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. olori western union29 April 2015 at 19:33

      Am telling you, I hardly watch Nollywood movies, so predictable

      Delete
  49. Unknown29 April 2015 at 17:07

    Lololol, this is so true and right.

    ReplyDelete
  50. SDK Babe29 April 2015 at 17:10

    Hahahahahahahahaha very funny tweets.
    Nollywood has taught me that female university students must dress half naked.
    Nollywood has taught me dat a very poor village slave girl can have a tattoo and her nails fixed.

    Lmao @ weneva u are worried, use a spoon or fork to play with rice without eating.

    ReplyDelete
  51. jbaby29 April 2015 at 17:10

    Hahahahaha so true

    ReplyDelete
  52. Cynthia Iyede29 April 2015 at 17:27

    I loveeee Chiwetalu's Igbo effizy in every movie abeg. 'Okotoro' hahahha funny man. Wish I understand the dialect.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Unknown29 April 2015 at 17:30

    carrying empty luggages and pretending is heavy. House girl fixing nails, Ini Edo carrying one hair style even after 25 years. Lol my nollywood

    ReplyDelete
  54. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:33

    Nollywood taught me all problems are spiritual.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:35

    Yoruba Nollywood taught me that for story to interesting one girl must lo yun'

    ReplyDelete
  56. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:36

    Nollywood taught me the background music must be ' Gini' kan mere..o

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:38

    Nollywood taught me the gate man must be a nuisance or stupidly funny and unserious .

    ReplyDelete
  58. Unknown29 April 2015 at 17:40

    Lol. very funny. cool

    ReplyDelete
  59. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:42

    It must end with To God be the glory' .also witch and wizard go turn black, swell, confess beg for mercy and die.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Glam 24729 April 2015 at 17:51

    Hilarious tweets and comments! Lol

    ReplyDelete
  61. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:51

    That single ladies must live in a big mansion, even if u re still looking 4 a job

    ReplyDelete
  62. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 17:52

    Nollywood taught me ini Edo must be looking sultry .2) when someone runs man for years( woman) her nails are well manicured.3)from my TV I smell the bad breadth oozing out of their mouth when the come close to each other..look we'll you will notice their discomfort.4)All the clowns in Yoruba flims bear the same names in all their flims.

    ReplyDelete
  63. sholaF29 April 2015 at 18:00

    Poor village girls with long nails and torn cloths!l

    ReplyDelete
  64. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 18:04

    Thingsnollywoodhastaughtme

    Step mother is always wicked, step kids are always treated badly, village wife is always brought for a rich town boy who is married without a child. Then the village wife gets pregnant and gives birth, first wife gets pregnant and hubby falls out of love with villa wife

    ReplyDelete
  65. resiliently-me29 April 2015 at 18:06

    #thingsnollywoodtaughtme your mom can tell if you are pregnant by looking into your eyes

    ReplyDelete
  66. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 18:07

    Robbers shooting and robbing and passerby are walking freely like nothing is happening

    ReplyDelete
  67. Miss Ess29 April 2015 at 18:10

    That once they show the door someone is about to enter. And a poor girl mourning the death of her okada driver father and corn roasting mother with long acrylic nails, long fake eye lashes and wrapped Human hair in a scarf onee week after their death, and they have directors o

    ReplyDelete
  68. ChincoBee29 April 2015 at 18:41

    #thingsnollywoodtaughtme# You must wear your NYSC uniform from home once you have been posted for service

    #tthingsnollywoodtaughtme# After 25years, the puppy in the compound still remains the same

    ReplyDelete
  69. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 18:51

    Watch out for part 2

    ReplyDelete
  70. Morrybaby29 April 2015 at 19:17

    Nollywood nollywood, una no go kill persin.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 19:26

    Lmao. Nollywood no go kpai person.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Unknown29 April 2015 at 19:31

    Everything the guy tweeted is 100%

    ReplyDelete
  73. Nitty-Gritty29 April 2015 at 19:44

    AHAHAHA, oh my! Eba I was swallowing nearly hang for my throat oo.
    Nollywood taught me that, your sitting room can look grandeur, but your bedroom shabby with scanty clothes in the wardrobe.
    Nitty Gritty

    ReplyDelete
  74. Joy C29 April 2015 at 21:37

    Rotflmao. Oh my world

    ReplyDelete
  75. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 21:42

    Nollywood thought me u can fill up one ghana must go bag with 20 million naira notes and carry it with just one hand.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 21:45

    When the man wants to throw the woman out he just goes in and comes out with a suit case or Ghana must go like she had it pre packed. House boys/ gatemen must always play the fool.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 22:01

    That every poor village must tie her hair, and immediately she meets a rich man, she loses the head tie and have a new hair do...(Note: she has been carrying the hair do from the beginning but had to tie her hair just to play make believe

    ReplyDelete
  78. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 22:04

    #WhatNollywoodTaughtMe There must be one wicked winchi old wretched uncle that is "doing" everyone in his family.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 23:20

    That when something shocks you, you faint

    ReplyDelete
  80. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 23:22

    That when you come back from US, even if you are a professional you must dress like a gangster *side eye at Jim iyke

    ReplyDelete
  81. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 23:24

    When a man makes money, he must abandon his faithful wife, marry a young gold digger, loose all his money and come back to his wife. And she takes him back

    ReplyDelete
  82. Anonymous29 April 2015 at 23:25

    That rich kids always call their fathers "deddy" note pronounced with an e not a

    ReplyDelete
  83. Nini30 April 2015 at 00:59

    #WhatNollywoodTaughtMe... every gateman must be an aboki mallam. Every mad man/woman must be at a refuse dump chasing people and dancing with rubbish hanging on their neck. That actresses wake up in the morning with their full make up on.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Anonymous30 April 2015 at 01:35

    Nollywood has taught me that good girls get married to rich men, the poor people get rich at the end, once you do an abortion you can never give birth again, Ngozi ezeonu is always a queen, Jim Iyke is always a bad boy from abroad, Catholic is the only church, princess can marry an illetrate palm wine tapper, that a calabar person is either a gateman or a maid, that bishop umoh must speak big English that he doesn't understand, that any extremely rich person is an occult person. That cat that mews at night is a witch,

    ReplyDelete
  85. Anonymous30 April 2015 at 05:48

    Seriously nollywood sucks at legal scenes #soannoying

    ReplyDelete
  86. Cherelle30 April 2015 at 12:36

    #NollywoodHasTaughtMe#....Nothing reasonable!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Nosey30 April 2015 at 19:17

    #Nollywoodhastaughtme that watching some of their films is detrimental to my IQ.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Anonymous8 May 2015 at 16:58

    #ThingsNollywoodTaughtMe# that the definition of a rich(wealthy)man is drinking juice or fruit wine in the garden reading a newspaper.

    ReplyDelete

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