NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
GAY OR NOT?
hi people i am a young boy who always thought he was straight but is now afraid because (of course i am not attracted to men) right from when i was in secondary school i knew i was different i never really liked girls and every time a girl indicated interest in me i always made up excuses like i like a girl in another school which wasnt true and i always told my self i didnt need a girlfriend .
Now i am 18 yrs old in the university and its still happening i read online and the feedback says that i am gay.
I am about to commit suicide becos i cant be gay,i am schooling abroad and my fees are in millions and my monthly allowances are about 200k.
I dont think killing myself would be fair on my parents as they have only 2 kids me and my sis .
Please someone tell me I am not gay!
Is it normal not to want to have a girlfriend at my age.?
when i said they told me i was gay i meant when i went online to take a gay test .
I dont judge gay people or have a problem with them but i just dont want to be gay!
I dont know how one identifies a gay person,I dont even care but please i beg you in heavens name,do not ever attempt suicide...NEVER!
Please i beg you darling.
............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
KEEPING SECRETS AND IT'S CONSEQUENCES ON A MARRIAGE...
Hi Stella,
I don't know how to explain this but I feel so depressed right now and might take a drastic decision , I am married to a woman and this April will make it 2yrs, though we didn't court , just married 3months after we met. It was a happy moment for me cos I am living abroad and feel good to have a wife in Nigeria so that I will be visiting often.
Since we married her 3 sisters have been living with us , I have never had the feelings of marriage , my wife has never washed my clothe nor cook for me , we have never discussed any single thing together as couple , ratter she will do so with her sisters and friends.... after the days activities she will just come into the room and is always on the internet.
she smiles to me only when we are making love, after then she frowns but whenever she's with her friends or sisters you will be hearing her laughing loud , she've never call my mother on phone since I married her and my mum keeps asking of her and our daughter, she pretends and treats everyone that comes across so nice and everyone thinks that she's good as an angel .
There was a particular time I lacked cash and needed some money from her to transact a business and she insisted that I will give her a percentage on the money that" she's not running a charity home" and she didn't give me But to my greatest surprise she borrowed her sister's fiance`money to do some business.
I just finished building a house and we moved into it last year, though i am not residing in Nigeria but I did this for the comfort of her and our daughter, right now i am having many things running through my mind , she bought a land and didn't let me know , I asked her and she denied , right now I am broke and her job recently paid her some huge amount of money but she didn't tell me till now , she has been sending money to all her relatives.
I am not bothered but i am just thinking if I will still go on with this very woman till death do us apart , no one knows why some men decide to dump their wives they struggled together with ,many things show up when you are down , I love her but can't forget all that has happened. Please I need your advice right now cos i am just planning to sell off the house , I'm emotionally hurt and broken.
Have you tried talking things over?..She may have had a nasty experience and is just playing safe.
Please for the sake of the love you have for her find out from her why she is the way she is ...you already said you both didnt date for long and because you live abroad she might not also be finding a long distance marriage easy.All the best to you both and please let me know how it goes after reading advice from this platform.
Can't meddle. Its a family matter. Bye
ReplyDeletePoster 2: SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
DeletePoster 1: I have a biz with you. You must not commit suicide, you know y? No one is gay/lesbo you don't just have feelings for girls and you having that thought makes you start developing gay traits.
DeleteLet's do it this way, try to develop your feelings by giving yourself that space, love yourself more (you might think you do) then don't rush into a relationship just like that. Rome was not built in a wk try to go to church if you're a christain correct church ni o that they would preach the word the way it is to you
Poster 2: SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
DeletePoster 1 - nothing is wrong with you .you are just 18.
DeletePoster 2-that woman married you for sentiments,(abroad husband )the truth is most guys abroad will come back nigeria to marry their very own ,yet these females arent loyal ,i keep telling guys marry where you are .Abeg call her to order .
@poster1,you are not gay jor! That's what you think just bcos you do not like a girl,..why not focus on being a good student cos you are just 18. That everyone in school is dating does not mean you should do same,thats just the mentality people tend to have! Remember you're the only son of ur parents,if you take your own life,you are going straight to hell o,and you would leave ur parents heartbroken! Peace and 1love!
DeletePoster1, you remind me of one of my cousins who was a virgin until his late 20s and everyone thought something was wrong with him, until he fell in love with a fine Jehovah witness girl who came to his house to preach and after several sessions of d word of God, they started to collabo hehehe...he is happily married now with 3kids, even tho he didn't marry the Jehovah witness girl cos her parents refused her marrying a catholic. (our whole family wanted to die on top d girl matter then..we beg d family sotay,they must have tot we wanted to do something with their daughter...they didn't know we were just too excited cos we never ever saw anyone with my cousin before)..lol
DeleteHave u heard of the term Asexual? This is when a person has no sexual attraction to anyone (both male and female). Most Asexual people though go on to find partners whom they delevop emotional and physical attraction to and settle into committed and loving relationships. Research has even shown that when they do find someone, they hardly cheat cos unlike others, it takes them long to form any (romantic or sexual) bond, that may propagate cheating. So pls free your mind cos you r not gay n stay away from such thoughts!....I suggest u go out, make female friends with common interests as u and just live your life, cos any sexual relationship with u, will develop through an emotional bond.
1. Have you tried to be close to girls. I think some boys grow up with this mentality of not liking girls and that could be affecting you. Secondly, as wrong as this may sound (as per fornication tinz) try and have sex with a girl and see if you feel same after.
Delete2. Just as Stella advised, talking things out might be the solution u need.
Meanwhile, check out hot fashion news@
Lindahrisfashion.blogspot.com
Poster 1# If you are NOT sexually attracted to the opposite sex then you are not GAY. Relax, you are just not ready for relationships yet. Your type usually have female bff that you later realize you are in love with and it starts from there. You are not the type to make random attractions. It builds with time. Men like usually make very faithful husbands. *smile*
DeleteAlso, when you first move abroad, these thoughts usually plague people because of the openness in which these things are done and accepted there. Coming from a place like africa you begin to wonder if you might have been so all along. We Africans hold hands with our same sex friends when strolling and hug them or look them in the eyes with excitement. But abroad, usually that is something that can be attached to lovers. So this can somewhat set some type of sexual confusion with young people who are going through cultural changes. Although I am not an expert on if someone is born gay or not. I do know that curiosity can lead one into doing things you initially thought against. These things usually starts with the mind. "Am I or am I not? Maybe I should hang around people that are just to make sure. Maybe I should kiss a same sex person, maybe I should try to do it to double check" and so on
SO RELAX and whenever those thoughts come again, kindly remind it you have nothing against people who so but that is not who you are. Also be careful because many people over there make it a point to turn young, naive and unassuming men to the act. If its a decision you've made in your own then it's different. Just avoid a place of confusion so you are not coerced into something you didn't want to begin with. goodluck!
Poster 1: you are not gay. Even if you are, so what? You are not the first and you won't be the last.
DeletePoster 2: start having anal sex with ur wife. She will start speaking in tongues and she will never leave you.
Stella, do you now see why men don't like to air their issues on SDK! The comments I've been reading from ladies since is talk to her or suites you well. Very biased and lopsided.
DeletePoster 2, truth is you need God. Ladies like this will need the touch of God to change from their ways. From your post, she seems like a woman already set in her ways. Pray! Call her people and talk to her, if she doesn't change, do the needful.
By the way, what were you looking for in an arranged marriage?
Poster 1: don't mind all these oyibo analysis o. Which kain gay? DO NOT BELIEVE THAT O! And don't talk to these non -Bible believing oyibo shrinks and what not cos they'd brainwash you into 'accepting yourself '. Na lie. It's perfectly normal to not want a relationship at 18. Don't compare yourself with obodo oyibo children that started dating at 3, and having sex before their teens. There's nothing wrong with you o. At 18 I was not I interested in boys, started dating at 19 or so and I never saw my bf naked till we broke up 4 years later. I was not interested in having sex with him or anyone else and definitely not with someone of the same sex. I may be asexual, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. See, just focus on your studies now and forget all this sexuality confusion. When you've made good grades and graduated with results to be proud of, then come back let's talk about whether to knack or not to knack. Focus on what is important to an 18 year old, and that is school. God bless
DeletePoster 1: let me ask u. Even if u r gay enhen??? Whats the big deal? Its not enough to die for abegi. U may not just have met the right person yet but even if u r gay its not the end of the world.
DeletePoster 2: what did u expect? U cant eat ur cake and have it. U want to do naija wife while u live there? It doesnt work that way. Come back gully and take control
Poster 1: pls don't commit suicide. ..I beg you its not the end of the world. Maybe you should try hanging out more with girls and see if there's anyone you connect with. And pray about it. You might not be gay maybe you just haven't met the right one
ReplyDeletePoster 1: I think you shld discuss your feelings wit your mum and a genuine man of good. Have a heart to heart discussion wit your mum.
DeletePoster 1: I think you shld discuss your feelings wit your mum and a genuine man of good. Have a heart to heart discussion wit your mum.
DeleteFirst poster,
DeleteYou said you are 18?#MySpec#....
I can dictate through your pictures if you are gay...can you send in your pictures??...I can make a gay guy straight...
Poster 2,
Have you prayed for her??...it's not only women that prays for their men...
Can you sit her down and have a talk with her???...
Maybe there's something you are not doing right that is pissing her off...
Poster 1: pls my dear, suicide is never a way out. I mean never. And I don't believe you are gay. It's simply you. Talking to God about my problems is always the way out for me. Have you bared your heart to him?
DeletePoster 2: I hate long distance marriages. Is it not time u break that jinx and take your wife with u. It will improve your communication and make u both get to know yourselves even better, after all u only knew for 3 months before marriage. Your long distance thing may be affecting your marriage. So take the first step of taking her abroad to live with you and I believe every other thing will fall into place; better communication, better understanding, you both get to know each other better...
Pls visit my blog www.mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
I kinda like that it's a man that has sent in the second narrative. What women go through. O well! Satisfy your soul. I wish you well.
DeleteQueen.of dis blog, did u just write dictate, lmao, your son isnt around today,*tongue out*
Delete#2...send d were wife packing jor...wat rubbish!
DeleteHanahan bitch... na wa for u ooo. which kain advice be sat one
DeleteDat*
DeleteQueen and king of this blog, Linda you are loved!
DeleteAll is well
ReplyDeleteFinally a Chronicle from a guy.. What u are going through is what u see in arrangee marriages, am guessing you are Igbo, we too like arrangee marriage and its not like you took her back with you so you can get to know each other better..
DeletePoster 1.. Get close to a girl, kiss her and see if your JT will react.. if it doesnt you jad better go to MFM and pray yourself out.. Pls dont tell your poor mother that gay story when she has only one son..
Poster 1, darln don't worry about it. Just accept Christ and surrender ur life to Him. Start attending a Bible believing Church, we have overcome already. The more u study ur Bible, the more victorious u r. God never created u gay. He would bring ur wife in His perfect time
Delete@Poster 1, pls don't kill yourself oo, read about one white 17yr old guy who committed sucide simply because his parents did not agreed to him been a gay and he said he can't deny his nature again. Just see a psychologist to discuss it with.
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, am short of words, your marriage lacks good communication, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife.
Abeg you this people should stop making marriage a nightmare for we single o
*Larry was here*
Poster2.Sorry o but na wetin fit una.
DeleteSame tin dats happening 2 me,My stupid fiance doesn't call me 4 months, doesn't give me money, doesn't call my mum bt I call his mum all d time.God plz help me o becoz I'm loosing my mind
And you're still there answering his "fiancee" waiting for angel Gabriel to come down from heaven and tell you that you're on your way to a dramatic marriage!
DeleteBetter give yourself some sense... Girls no dey ever hear word; a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. The world is too busy to carry your gist after a week!
Don't get me wrong cos I'm not in any way insinuating it's an easy decision to make... But darling, reading the handwriting would surely save you the trauma of writing countless chronicles.
That said, Stella bae kindly note am not spoiling market for you :-) we sure want to keep the chronicles coming.
POSTER1, YOU ARE NOT GAY!!! Now don't allow the devil to speak to your consciousness. If you accept the probability you likely to physically develop traits and the society will pressure you to accepting who you don't wanna be. DONT let Internet sow that seed!! What made you google it sef??? Do you not know that are boys that keep their *virginity* well, mk I wait 4 comments!
ReplyDeletePoster 1, u are not gay, u are just weird, mix with girls more often and u may just get attracted to someone. Pls don't commit suicide.
DeleteP1 you've not started the gay act,u can stil turn ur mentality around to be emotionally attached to girls
ReplyDeleteP2 her type can't change. Do what U gat to do
Poster 1, u are not gay. You may just be too young to want a woman in ur life right now. Some men remain virgins till they get married.
DeletePoster 1: it's a phase...not wanting a girlfriend does not make you gay...maybe u just want to focus on other things or whatever...but do not be so quick to come to the conclusion that u are gay!! give yourself time and deep thoughts..if u are christian peer into the Bible and pray deeply about it in order to convince yourself that it is something God detest..pls don't kill yourself. it would be unfair and selfish
ReplyDeletePoster 2: you need to talk to her. Set things straight. List these things to her and see if she has a reasonable explanation and if she doesn't then she needs to straighten up. Communication is a very important key in a marriage
ReplyDeleteAlso poster 2 when talking with her dont yell just have a heart to heart conversation. Don't get angry just try to reason with and see if she'll make any sense
ReplyDeleteN1, please meet a man of God for counselling. That suicidal thought is a gimmick from the pit of hell. The devil just want a promising soul for himself but he has l lost it. You are not day and you would never be gay in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen. P2, you need to talk to her heart to heart, there is something she needs to tell you,
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Stella is very RIGHT 100% she might be feeling strained from the long distance of the marriage and not able to approach u..pls discuss it with her and do not take any drastic decision...she may probably have been hurt in the past or seen how some men squander their wves' money then leave them...she may not even realise what she is doing is bothering u so discuss it with her first
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, you need to communicate your grievances to your wife. Speak to r, for all you know, her actions might just be precautionary measures judging from a past experience. Let her know about the things she has done and currently doing u don't like and how much you would love things to work out well in your marriage. All the best of luck to you.
ReplyDelete@Poster,please don't commit suicide even if you are gay.
Poster 1: pls u aint Gay, its jus a mindset dat needs to be crumbled, pls don't destroy ur future, the issue is dat u avnt seen a girl dat u love, u wud still see dat girl one day but as for been Gay, Pls dats out of place... Tell ur self dat ur are Straight nd don't believe what d society gives us... Pls for d sake of ur parents don't commit suicide.
ReplyDeletePoster one::: Haba start fucking as many pussy as dey come na...u are not gay abeg!! poster2::: Good for u!! Wen Una don dump d good girls finish Una go come enter one chance!!!
ReplyDeleteP1...please don't commit suicide+i don't think u are gay. It's all in your mind.
ReplyDeleteP2...God is your strength
Women smh, their money is their money, and your money is their money. Seems like you guys are on Contract marriage? So what makes you happy dude. If na woman get this story now some go tell am to leave the stingy man.
ReplyDeleteVery partial and bias lots. If the case was the other way around, person no go hear word again. Yeye dey smell
DeleteU dey mind dem?...I pity anyone who takes any relationship advice here.
DeleteI support the men on this narrative. If the table was turned, all the women in this blog will cuss out the man without asking to hear the other side. !
DeleteNarrator these are the 2 most common advice a given in blogs: Go on your knees and fast and pray for your wife to change. Or leave the marriage! Choose which you like.
God bless u, why are d women here so bias?
DeleteWives are not smiling now oooo......
ReplyDeletePoster one: Face your studies and stop asking silly questions. Poster 2: Long distance r/ships aint easy not to talk of marriage.. Try talking to her if you haven't.. Better still you guys shud visit a counsellor. Cheers
ReplyDeleteDumb smello @kutchie idiatidiat....if u don't have smtin to say...go kiss naked wire biko
DeleteLoL! You seem to be a frustrated bitch who would die an unimaginable death out of bitterness that ur remnants would be fed to the vultures.. Waste of sperm.
DeleteAnd who the hell is this gutter kid coming to spew trash under my comment??? Run in2 a moving train fast! Fool.
DeletePoster1.pls do not think of suicide.me i don't judge gay people too but try not to listen what people has to say about you being gay!!! Poster2.don't sell your property,do not make that mistake.relocate your wife and kids to were you are
ReplyDeleteEfe this your comment is dicey. I think you are Gay. No vex oooo.
DeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteYou are not Gay,don't let the Devil to define you.Delete that thought of commiting suicide from your mind and be a man...look for pretty babes and chase after,am sure you are an attractive guy*wink*
Poster 2
Your wife doesn't love you!
Poster 1, u aren't Gay dear, u are not just ready for emotional attachment yet, to help yourself, try reading romantic novels, watch high school movies like one tree hill, then be open to other gender, it's OK if you aren't ready to date, that will afford you the time to study more, don't attempt suicide oh, life is too sweet my dear. Poster 2, pls try talking to your wife, show her love and try to get her open up, she myt ve had a bad upbringing, she myt ve seen a husband disappoint his wife after giving her all to the marriage, just try and prove to her that you are different. All the best to you both
ReplyDeletePoster 1 I can assure you that you are not GAY! Its a lie from the pit of hell that you are gay cos @ 18 you don't like women. Hian, soon, u will see one chikita mamasita that will make your hormones rage! Lol don't worry sweetie, just focus on your education and come out in flying colors.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Hmmmn I don't know how to put this but I will try to split my point into bits.
1, How many women have you 'hurt' in the past? ( I don't know why but what came into my spirit is that you may have done some things in the past to other women and having an unhappy home has been spoken into your life)
2: have you discussed your worries with her?
3: what's with you monitoring her finances? Focus on providing for your home to the best of your abilities and forget about HER money.
Thank you.
Poster 1- so because feedback from the internet says you may be gay. U believe?
ReplyDeleteGuy, rest your head. You are not gay. You have no interest for men like you don't for women yea?
Good!
Maybe you haven't figured it out yet! You may have the calling of priesthood. Reverend! OR you just haven't met the lady that would make you loose total grip of yourself.
Relax! And figure...
Poster 2- COMMUNICATION!
Do your bit. Create time for just the both of you. Take her out for dinner- just the both of you, go visiting friends, walk the beach together, go clubbing...U know. Do stuff that lovers do. At least her sisters can help look after your daughter.
Try to have private moments with her. Be it fun or quiet or loud hangouts...and then talk! Make her your friend.
If she is not yielding then we can sum it up that she only married you to bear the title MRS.
Poster 2.. I don't have pity for you, in short am happy your wife is showing you wickedness
ReplyDeleteMen have been messing their wives up and causing them heart pain.
Am happy a woman is doing so to a man
Men are wicked and heartless.
I thank God that you are experiencing what most women experience and still endure
Ntooor gi!
Ah ahn! So because most men are in the habit of putting their women thru hell, thus all men must suffer for it?
DeleteChange your orientation biko!
Their are good men out there you know...
*there
DeleteLmaooo u sound like a pained wife. This life sef! Lol...tho its refreshing to see a man doing d complaining.. Loool
DeleteLwkmd @ Anon 14:29 post. Are u talking from Experience?
DeleteBuahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
I pity your mentality. I hope his dear wife doesn't read and decides to follow your prompting if not na chronicle she go carry enter here. Smh for some people
DeleteYeepee we have men today on COBR, ok poster1, my dear been a gay is psychological, it's ok if u don't like gals now, dat does not mean u won't in future, mayb u hv not found d right person yet. Just b calm, don't let it bother u my dear u r straight OK. Enjoy ur life n never contemplate suicide o. Poster2, communication is d key my dear, something must hv precipitated dat action of hers, maybe guys don chop her beta mugu b4 lol 2ndly insecurity is d may b d problem. Happy sunday my people.
ReplyDeleteBeing gay is psychological???? Wow!!!
DeletePoster 1, please in the name of God, do not kill yourself, you were created the way you are for a purpose, ask God to show you your purpose, and if you're gay, then so be it. You're abroad where it's easier to live as gay. I don't usually advice this, but you're old enough, experiment with a woman and make sure your mind is in it. A trial might just convince you, by committing suicide you're depriving this world, your family, sdk blog of a gem like yourself. I don't know you, but I love you, straight or otherwise, the goodness is in the heart not sexuality. Don't consider suicide, it's not an option.
ReplyDeleteHey keep quiet. Poster nobody was born gay. God did npt create anyone gay. Being gay is a choice. Poster pray against a spirit of homosexuality the devil may use to deceive you. Pray and study God's word. I'll be praying for you. God bless you.
DeleteHe's not gay! God didn't create anyone gay! Please don't fuel his mind with these kind of talks
DeleteYou sound like a broke ass,I feel you are not completely honest in what you have said,maybe you're putting too much eyes in her own money
ReplyDeleteShut up! He is a broke ass, yet he built a house for his family. Anty gwegwegwe
DeleteAnon 14:31 you are right
DeletePoster One E hug in the voice of TGW.
ReplyDeleteOh Dear you are not Gay and please don't commit Suicide. You need a counsellor. Remember if you commit suicide you are going straight to hell fire.
Meanwhile concentrate on your studies.
God bless you!!!
Poster 2. Maybe the Distance affair affected it.
Communication is the key.
Talk to her.
All will be well.
bro u may not be gay
ReplyDeletea lot of Nigerian women are difficult to love because of their bad mouth as can be witnessed in the comments section of this blog and many others
try and go for a decent white lady or latino or even black american...not the ghetto variety abeg...those are similar to the naija ones i spoke of earlier....
the Lord is your strength
Anon.14:33 kikikikikikiki. U no well. Funny character
DeleteN1. If you are not attracted to Guys, then you are not Gay, simple, don't let any online survey turn you into what you detest being.
ReplyDeleteN2. You courted for 3 months, before getting married?? Now you have seen the need to date your partner for a very long time, before deciding if you two are capable of spending your lives together. Maybe you should start planning to bring her over or you relocating back to Nigeria, this should enable you have full control of your family.
All the Best.
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteWill just relax and wait for comments
Dear poster, it seems you people are not close to each other as a couple. Maybe because of the distance between you and also her relative living with you.
ReplyDeleteI will suggest you go on a short holiday with your wife alone to discover your self's and fall in love with each other be more romantic, talk and give her a reason to smile Buy her things that are intimate like underware, send her love text messages.
@2, u are not a gay ok, don't allow anyone deceive u into believing what u are not, try to make female friends I mean beautiful girls ooh, don't ever go for the ugly girls, that way u will find yourself attracted to women, but I think @18 u should concentrate your studies instead of thinking of u been gay, @ the appropriate time things will fall in place, no suicide thought plzzz.
ReplyDelete@2, have a heart-heart talk with your wife, if she doesn't change then change ur style by keeping secret from her too, one good turn deserves another.
Poster 2:talk to her bf doin stuffs Biko
ReplyDeleteNo comment...
ReplyDeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteIf you don't know if you are gay how will I know.
Ok maybe when you start wearing adult pampers.
No comments,,..yet one million pple don type here....anyway them don advise u already.......Stella u must enjoy me
ReplyDeleteNarrative number 2. Your story is very one-sided. Have you tried talking to your wife and also tried doing your part in acting like a married couple? Fair enough you didn't court but after marriage have you tried to be a husband in every sense of the word? it sounds like your wife is harbouring her own resentment and hasn't just tabled them before you. Why not have a heart to heart with her? From what you describe your wife is not that bad. She sounds selfish but there are worse problems one can have with a wife. talk things over with her. Your marriage can still be salvaged; don't give up until you have tried everything possible. Good luck.
ReplyDelete#1 Nothing is wrong wit U n hear me well, U re nt a gay. Am sure may be u were brought up be that way, rich background tinz n pride dat cums wit it if not checked. @ 18yrs, there is no need for worries if u decide not to ve an affair. I mean @ 18, I was really a snob to opposite sex. Plz concentrate wit ur studies and maintain no string attached friendship wil ur mates, believe me@ d rite time U wil enjoy ur specie, No need to imagine sucide abeg #2, lack of comminication n distance may b d major reason, plz ve a one on one chat on al ur observations n what u feel. Abt it, it might help. I pray that God wil give U wisdom. Dat u need
ReplyDelete#1: Sweetheart, not having sexual attraction towards the opposite sex doesn't make a person gay. However, it's highly irregular for an 18 year old boy not to have sexual desires for girls. The average 18 year old boy has raging hormones like a wild horse. That's the age boys experiment with sex and get entangled in all sorts of shenanigans. It's possible you are asexual but, honey, why do I feel you're being economical with the truth? There's no way an online questionnaire will suggest your sexual orientation if you didn't tick the box for sexual attraction to same sex. What makes a person gay is not the lack of interest in the opposite sex, rather it is the attraction to same sex.
ReplyDeleteHoney, I don't blame you for not having the courage to be forthright with your true feelings. Nobody likes cyber bullying or being harshly judged especially by people you hardly know. However, you have to be as honest as possible so we don't mislead you based on the facts you've provided. One thing is clear, though, it's not normal that you're not attracted to girls or boys for that matter (according to your narrative).
Sweetie, whether or not you're gay, suicide is definitely not an option. Homosexuality is frowned upon especially in Nigerian and in the Christian community, so the sooner you identify your true sexually, the better for you. Whatever it is, there's help available for whatever challenges you may be facing, just try to be honest with yourself. All the best, my love.
#e-bearhugs.
I just went to try the test of of curiosity too dey didn't ask about attractions dey mainly as questions like how many sisters do u have, are u shy of undressing in front of a boy dis might have been the kind of things dey asked him too and send his gay based on his answers
DeletePoster 1: ure not gay! Read God's word and renew ur mind.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: so ure a saint okwaya? U want to sell d house? Where will ure wife and daughter stay?on ur head? Women don't just behave like ds. Talk to her... And find out what d problem is. Take some time alone u guys.
Poster 1: I once took a test online(questionnaire) and the result said I was pregnant. It even came with an ultrasound pic of the child...lool. It was wrong. you can't trust the Internet with certain things. You might not be gay. You said you are 18, Try discovering yourself; What turns you on etc. Dont be selfish and take your life.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Communication is key. get to know your wife, be her friend.
Happy El Classico weekend!!
ReplyDeleteMr Poster 1:
You don't want to commit suicide. What suicidal person will be thinking of money his parents spent? Lmao. You still love your life enough to save it...Don't fall into that bandwagon of self pity. Is there anything anyone here will tell you about yourself that you don't already know? Can we know you more than yourself? Pls, stand tall. You're 18. A man already.
Expunge that judgemental feeling from your mind. You detest gays and they disgust you. This is why you'll rather die than bear that name tag. You see, some gay people went thru this phase in life. You see, they were people like you. Innocent like you, helpless like you. Don't see them as less than human, enough to make you want to take your life rather than be tagged 'gay'. In absence of what you're not telling us(ever dallied with males?), i'll say you're jumping the gun in your reasoning. If you type on the internet, "i've not seen my period for 2 weeks, my breasts feel heavy, im feeling quite nauseous", their first reply on many sites will be "You're pregnant" but it might not be pregnancy, might be a combination of many things. Post-pill amenohrea or depression or anything else. "Most likely" doesn't mean certainly. You, only you can look into yourself to know if you are or not. Ask yourself pertinent questions. Do you have attraction for males(whether repressed or not), do you feel aroused by men(dont lie to urself while taking this test), do you feel affectionate e.g a close frnd of yours spends time with another friend and you find yourself jealous, you don't want to be but you feel that pang), you view girls sisterly, you love them in the friend zone only, you're not capable of any sort of intimacy with women but feel very comfortable being with guys in secluded places, that rush of blood to the head when an attractive guy is nearby or touches you innocently or fantasising about male bodies?...
If nothing male is in the mix, then maybe you are not gay but have a low libido or just shy around women. The fact you think you're gay already won't do your confidence favours when dealing with women. Keep an open mind. There are 50 shades of grey between black and white. Not being very sexual towards women isn't same thing as being 'gay'. Don't think of suicide. You're very young even to conclude, some of your mates haven't been with women b4.
I'm saying this cos u cud be a brother or son and i'll say same. I have gay friends too. I love and respect them. I don't agree with the lifestyle but even if you are, you're no less human. You didn't choose to be that way, you tried not to be. The creator loves you, you did not happen by chance. Concentrate on your books, and don't contemplate suicide whether to garner sympathy or in truth. you don't kill a fly with a bazooka. The situation is too small to warrant suicide. May God help you and make you strong.
Poster 2:
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Wise words of wisdom, you couldn't have said it better, I hope he really takes these words into consideration.
DeletePoster 2:
ReplyDeleteYou're married to a strong, pragmatic woman and you are a romantic at heart. You stated it was convinient to have a wife in Nigeria and it took you just 3months of skyping to make the decision. Your problem is, you are not used to a woman who is not affectionate. You think all women must be very romantic and all round cute to their men. She herself saw the arrangement to be convinient. She will give you all that is due to you and nothing more. Such women hardly communicate, she won't even care if you cheat. She might be a feminist who thinks she's a bit superior to u in person but must marry to bow to society but won't do more than necessary. Even if you leave her as u said, that woman has saved enough. She is almost emotionally independent, a pillar. Sorry about how you feel. That woman is strong, best thing to do to win her is not intimidation or sulking like a petulant baby(no vex o), to win her over, you must show ambition, strength and suprise her with your accomplishment. She has weighed and rated you already. Throw her off balance. Pls, don't leave such a woman. Read about Franklin Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt(im not calling your wife a lesbian oh!) but such marriage of no serious affection/divided affection can work. Ally yourself to your wife but make her understand she's being a bit selfish and uncaring. She might not even believe she's doing anything wrong. So, talk to her and strike a balance.
Can't say more Sir. My fingers hurt from long typing. Lmao. I'm not an agony aunt. No be me kill Abasha! Enjoy your sunday. Be happy.
**Bonaparte NN
Interesting take...
DeleteBonaparte!!! This luv @ first sight bc its my very first time of coming across ur comment! Ur words has a lot of wisdom in it and I must appreciate that. Kip it dearie!
DeleteBonaparte...if ure not married , can we be friends....i love intelligent people. I'm dead serious......ill drop my pin if u reply...
DeleteBNN never disappoints...
DeleteBona, where have you been all my life? Let's be besties! I love how you think
Delete"Comment less"
ReplyDeletePoster 2 read 5 love languages by Gary Chpman then u will understand why your wife's love tank is empty. Above all build good communication with her and soon she will flash u that smile and everyother thing will fall in place.
ReplyDeleteThere's no bond. She's scared . She's protecting herself . She's selfish . But talk to her . You can make it work . If you leave her and marry another she might be worse. Relax take a deep breath . All is Neva as it seems.
ReplyDeletePoster 1; u are NOT gay. I am 22 n I've nt met a guy I am reasonably heart felt attracted to. Dat doesn't mean I am a Lesbian. Most times I have 2 foece mysef 2 c dia gid character n like dem as humans. My 1st relationship lasted abt 2 weeks and some days (I was 20den) 2nd relationship I was 21. Presently I'm not in any relationship. 1st relationship started bcos my sista advice me 2 begin a relationship; 2nd one started bcos everyone said he really liked me n my bestie said I shud give it a try. All dis doesn't make b a Lesbian. Try n make d opposite folks ur frends. Dts wat I do; make dem ur frends at least my 2nd ex is still my friend. Watvi believe is dis wen d Right person comesbi will fall in love with him and so wil u.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, your wife is cheating on you. If you investigate you will thank me later. Write today's date down. Investigate her. N1, you are only 18, don't commit suicide even if you are gay.
ReplyDelete@poster 1.. You are not gay, you are still young and with the way you have talked about how much your parents have spent and all of that, it just means you are distracted. Focus on your books, let love/romance come to you gradually.
ReplyDelete@poster 2.. She never wanted to get married, she just wanted to fulfill societal obligation, she is an independent woman who married you because you were outside the country, she thought she would be free, in the sense of "being married to herself". My advice is for you to tell her you need some space and you think you want to stay away from the house for sometime. Watch her reaction, that would determine your next plan.
Thanks for that advice. Poster 2 take note!
DeletePoster 1.. Only 18.. You're young and still discovering yourself, you may or may not be gay. But my advice is don't stress about whether you like girls... Maybe you haven't found the one you actually like enough to want to date,., take it easy buddy, and don't dare think about committing suicide.. Your life is worth more..
ReplyDeletePoster 2.. Why did you marry someone you don't know cause it's sounds to me you guys are strangers. You should never rush into marriage.. NEVER!! But my advice is talk it out... Tell her your frustrations and feelings.. And let her tell you hers... You guys must thrash it out in conversation and even if it leads to a shouting match, that's good.. That's REAL emotion coming out, not the pretence you have been doing... And whatever happens after your conversation, make sure it's real... If it works, great!! If it doesn't.. Great!!! That's another life's lesson..
Oh i see, you ppl can advised P2 to have a heart 2 heart conversation with her abi, Bro divorce her, sell the house and move on, she can probably kill you, if it was other way round , u ladies on diz blog must v crucify him...Bro the only thin that belong to u in that marriage is your daughter , if she can't stand by you then she's not yours...she doesn't deserve you. stop spending on her, ur daughter should be ur number 1 priority.don't inconvenience yourself because you wanna satisfy one yeye woman.
ReplyDeleteeverything u re comes from your choices, N the way i see things u v no street OT bro.
Poster 1 I'm sure your uni offers counseling services, pls try and make an appointment or look into receiving therapy privately. Go online and find one or better still talk with a pastor at church. You are still young snd might develop stronger feeling for females later. Just pray about it constantly and reject it in your life. Don't think of suicide, it's not even an option.
ReplyDeleteN1...U passed the gay test but u need to work on ur mind and get close to female folks more.
ReplyDeleteN2...like every lady here would have advised of the tables were turned, Oga sell the house, make ur money and take care of ur daughter. U r a single married man. Ur wife doesn't love you at all. She is using her money to train her family. Let her continue. Why should her sisters be living with her? That's where she gets her advise from. Oh she even doesn't call ur mum? Mr...start looking for another woman that will cherish you and ur family. Its "her" money my foot.
Poster 1 I think you may be asexual. And not just interested in sexual relationships at all. Both male and female.
ReplyDeleteThese are the kind of people who are ideally suited too be monks or nuns.
I don't think you are gay. Its possible not to be into women the way other people are.
If you also don't think about sex or have low sex drive then I am correct.
P1: Gayism is a preference not a birth defect. God doesn't make gays so you are not gay. The devil is just trying to play a fast one on u. Rebuke him by praying and fasting. #StaySafeSweetheart
ReplyDeletePoster 1, since u don't like gals and u are not attracted to men, kindly use all you've got to serve God.
ReplyDeleteJoin a monastery, and become a reverend father, or a monk.
Poster 2, talk to her first and see if she'll be remorseful of her actions and attitude.
If she's not, well, you took a vow to love and cherish her till the end of time.
Good luck.
Dont kw wat to comment coz am equally depressed and its drivin me crazy.just came to read this to relieve maself a little.Dating is hell right nw xpecially when he is still in d family houz nd d mum is showin you attitude and coming up strange things coz boo complained dt dey're being too disrespectful with d kinda errand they send you.Mehnn.....thinkin of backing out of this n live a life of a single gurl but boo wnt let it like I can't just think it coz we've gone a long way,7yrs cnt be joked with.Am fed uP.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing with a man for 7 yrs???....
DeleteYou are still a learner cos that guy won't marry you cos he has seen every every from you...
You better give your self some brain and stop putting all your eggs in one basket...
Poster1,u also need to be careful with all dose sites u go to check dis and dat,some of those sites have a demonic undertone designed to manipulate u and mess with ur mind pushing u to d wrong path of doing things.pple have even been initiated online,its dat bad!afterall u are just 18yrs for crying out loud,its possible u are a late bloomer dats why u don't feel' girls yet.be careful what u let to control ur tots pls,d devil wants to destroy u bcos u have a bright future ahead of u!
ReplyDeletePoster2,ur wife does not trust u enuf and so she's not connecting to u on dat level.u need to check urself,what are u doing or not doing? Abt the money issue,u are a man,go and hustle to make ur money and take care of ur family!its ur God's given responsibility!stop looking at dat woman's money.her support to u financially is a privilege and not a right!so don't loose ur respect whining here.
Poster 1 : I think you are lonely and missing home , you ain't gay and you will never be in Jesus name , please stop going to those sites , and try to interact with other students , na only you bi Nigerian there it cannot be .
ReplyDeletePoster 2 : I feel your wife must have a very big psychological problem , maybe from a broken home , where her mum has loaded her brain with how men are not to be trusted .
Seat her sorry side down , have a heart to heart talk with the silly girl and if she is not changing , sell your house , let her live the way she wants . But your daughter nko ? The sweet innocent child , I pray the good lord grants you wisdom .
Hand dey pepper me Biko .
Poster 1; face ur studies for now
ReplyDeletePoster 2; court ur wife again,make her ur friend,u guys are not friends. Ask her questions,and make her ask u too,its never too late to make corrections.
LMAO!!! Poster 1, you just killed me. Seriously! The fear of being a gay Nigerian is the beginning of wisdom! Poster 1 forget that crap test you took.listen to Onyebuchi.YOU ARE NOT GAY! I'm not telling you so you don't kill yourself. I seriously don't really care if you do( jokes). But the truth, the fact, is you're not gay. You have just not come across any girl that interests you. Yes, there are a ton of 18 year old boys who don't have girlfriends and also feel this way.Face your studies!
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have sexual urges of any kind, I put it to you that you probably are asexual. I highly doubt that though. Very few people are. If you don't have feelings for boys at 18, then trust me honey, you're not gay! You're still very young and maybe the girls in reality that you come across everyday don't match the ones you fantasize about. You'll find her don't worry. Those tests are made to mess with your head and your mind. They lack both construst and content validity and don't have test and retest reliability.If you take psych 1000 or intro to psych, you'll know what I'm talking about by validity and reliability. Ignore them! And besides is being gay worth killing yourself over? Even the gays in Nig live their lives to the fullest.Please contine reading your books and forget about girls! YOU ARE NOT GAY.
Poster 2, I'm sorry sir. I really am about you situation. I don't blame her. I really don't. Look at all the women that make their husbands their world and give their all. They always end up regretting. If I ever get married, I will behave the same way she's behaving, The family she's laughing with are the people that would remain when shit hits the fan. I feel for you because you might genuinely be a great man. I pray she changes though. At least for the sake of your daughter.
Sometimes it's good to hear stories from both sides... Honestly am sure u aren't honest here.. Maybe your wife contributed greatly to d building of the so called house ur claiming.. Maybe she is the one paying the bills.. Becs if it's your money she's spending you would have stated here.. All I advice u do is to sit down and talk to your wife or u will take actions u will live to regret..
ReplyDeletePoster 1 you are notngay,please stay away from gays and dont let someone force you into thinking you are,you are just a late blooomer sexually,i hlknew so many boys like you,when it got to much and having no girlfriend peo0le will ak are they gay but no they ,one instance was my best friends he was American they whole 5 years we were in uni (including masters ) he never. Had a girlfriend when we left uni he met a girl nnthey married ,everyone accused him before that,please its when ur ready u willl mow by the way my friend was 27 years and 30 when he married so plz it may not even be today and by ur last yr in uni u may turn to a sex freak ,that was my brothers case, he was such a good boy untill 23 when he finanĺy lost his virginity he went mad
ReplyDeleteNarr1, you don't go to google for that kind of thing,cause you are most likely to get what you don't want. You are not gay. You are not just attracted to women yet which is totally normal considering the fact that you are just 18. Narr2, your wife is not that attracted to you,she just married you for some selfish reasons. Try talk to her and if she doesn't come around, divorce her.
ReplyDeleteDear poster you cannot just be gay cos you have no interest in a relationship with girls yet.....you are only just 18 darling....u might not have met the person you click with yet...don't know which country you are in but try talk with a counsellor, am sure your uni will have one....if you do not think deep down you are gay then you are not....we humans like to stereotype people and am sure it's the same for you now cos you don't seem to have interest in women like boys of your age do.....
ReplyDeleteAnd please I beg you in the name of God, sucide won't solve anything...am happy you already are sensitive enough to think about your parents, it shows you have a good heart and not self centered....if you are a Christian also try ask around for a bible believing church and speak to the pastor, hopefully they will talk and pray with you...don't carry the burden alone...wish u all the best....e-hugs
Poster 2: your marriage was on a wrong foundation so it is left for you to begin to know each other...
ReplyDeleteLong distance never gives you a good opportunity to really know anyone's true character....I will not flatter you and say you are a good man and without blemish cos we don't know the full story....most men who live abroad and have wives in naija have either married white women for papers, did fake marriage without living with the women tho paid them, have baby mamas or are currently sleeping with others beside their wives.....I have lived abroad so I know what am saying...ponder on these thoughts....what was your motive for marriage? Was it to just have a wife so u can have a base in naija? have kids or what? Is she going to join you later or you will just keep her in naija and continue abroad? When are you planning to relocate ..why I say so is cos some men marry women without spelling out their vision about life to her...this is very important on long distance situations like yours where the couple live apart...if she doesn't know your vision how will she be a helpmeet to you? .she needs to know you are totally committed to her and the marriage and that it's not a marriage of convenience...
1) sit her down and have a heart to heart talk.....quarreling is not gonna cut it...tell her how u feel about her actions...I cannot judge her character cos her actions might be cos of how you presented yourself from the beginning or she might have had a bad experience with men and trying to play smart so she doesn't loose out in case of problems..she might also be like you and just wanted to marry for marrying sake...however I believe if after you pour out your heart to her ( I am assuming you truly genuily love her and not just married for marrying sake) you will see some changes in her....if she doesn't change that means you don jam rock enter one chance be that oh...lol....and only prayers will change things.....truly wish you all the best..
#1 You are not a gay.You think of your parents' expenses on you and decided not to fail them, pls read your books and stop asking google irrelevant questions. If you don't know what to do, go to church, pray to God, read your books and at the right time good girl will come, but trust in GOD and 'erase' that suicidal thought from your mind, biko nwanne.
ReplyDelete#2 All you need is communication. Talk to her and try be her best friend.
Poster 1: I think you should give yourself time and pray to God about your situation. You are still quite young, I think you should give yourself a bit more time.
ReplyDeletePoster 2....Be a man and stop monitoring ur wife's finances.You want her to hand over to you the money she was paid in her office?Will you do the same if you were in her shoes??
ReplyDeleteCommunicate more with ur wife,show her love and stop complaining.If you sow love,you will reap it.
Ok just read the poster 2 story well now... its really one sided!!!!
ReplyDelete