STAND ALONE NARRATIVE..
CELIBATE DATING AND THE RIGHT TIME TO MAKE LOVE..
I'm a 24 year female and an engineering graduate currently looking for a teaching job (my mini passion) before I'll go for service. Anyway, there's a guy I knew when I was 19 years, he asked me out then but I refused, my reasons being that I didn't want the headache of boyfriend issues and I felt I was still too young.
Fast forward to 5 years later, he asked me out again and I accepted. Although there's been no issue, but I've not had sex with him or anybody ever since I was molested at age 9 (nobody knows about this till now).I've just been scared about sex so I've been giving the excuse of no sex before marriage to every guy I've dated and before you know it, their frequent calls tend to reduce.
I really like this guy, we almost made love one day that I backed out when I felt that I was about to be disvirgined. I'm just scared...... Its not just too easy to lie down beneath a man and then recalling my past, It all just comes rushing. Is it really time for me to give it up???
Thanks, please BVs, your sincere response is all I need
Honey if you were molested at the age of 9 years sexually,you are no longer a virgin oh!....Dont go telling men you are a virgin cos it might backfire.
I know someone who had never had sex but was not a virgin the first time she slept with the man who married her because he thought she was untouched...
It happens that her hymen had broken but all explanations by the doctor fell on deaf ears and the new hubby walked,REALLY UPSET that she had used the 'virgin' story to deceive him.
Keep yourself if you want to but you are no longer a virgin.
As for the right time to make love...you will know!
Some people make love on the first day they meet and it doesnt mean they were cheap.it doesnt always work out for everyone this way though.I met a couple who were celebrating 59 years of marriage,they were old and bent and holding hands and i asked them questions and discovered they had been together since the night after they met.
What's with no sex without marriage???...
ReplyDeleteThat's why couples keep having problems in marriage...
Poster,why don't you give him sex if you really love him???...is not as if he will be the only one that would enjoy it but both of you...
Mtcheeeewwwww....akuko umuazi...
Hahahahaha..Ezigbo akuko umuazi..Dem no want sex before marriage but they will be first to complain when dey find out their husband's prick is tiny..
DeleteAs for me,i dey test before i buy..I tested my husband well well before i gree marry him oh..I no wan hear stories.
Poster I need to understand something.
DeleteAre you scared of having sex because you think you are a virgin and not ready to give it all out?
Or you are still dealing with the molestation when you were much younger?
My dear, If you want to gbensg, please gbensh. I do not judge those who want to afterall I didn't marry as a virgin. I only get mad when people like the 18 years old girl 's story. Why? Because she should have protected herself if she was to indulge not coming to cry me a river and asking if she should go for an abortion.
Condoms are avaliable.
Immediately after sex pills are avaliable yet people stupidly fuck carelessly and come here to ask what they should do?
Poster! If you love this boy or whoever and you have the urge to fuck. Pls fuck but protect yourself.
I no wan hear small peepee story for chronicle tomorrow when you marry oh!
All the best!
That's no way to reply, she's scared of been dumped later and having giving in might make her regret aside the past experience nightmare........ So be kind.
DeleteMy cent to the poster, you and your body alone will know when to give in as you no go fit stop/back out wen tym reach
She might not be penetrated.
DeletePoster, if you really do want to have sex...then don't allow anything stop you. Keeping your puss for a man wey don shag everything in skirt isn't justifiable, unless, you keeping it for ur self n God.
Hmmmm... Advice of life
DeleteNne u are old enough to know weda u want to have sex with dis guy or not. But don't be in a hurry though. Just take u'r time and be sure dats not wat he is after cos mehn dese dudes ain't loyal dese days. Just use u'r head.
DeleteThe 1st time I had sex, I had bragged that I was a virgin n all... to my greatest surprise, no hymen broke... there wz just Lil blood cos of how tight I was but d guy insulted my life... n called me a prostitute off all sorts. Dear poster, do not make that mistake oooh... dese dudes hv no chill... I broke up wif the dude cos he kept on saying he dint trust me... bla bla bla...
DeleteA.B
You are extremely foolish, I usually don't comment here but your comment is beyond stupid. Your inability to understand the issue leads me to think you are very immature and childish. Mehn I pity your present partner with your inability to think properly and be wise. Fucking foolish comment mehn.
DeleteBent out of shape
DeleteYou are no longer a virgin honey
You are a secondary virgin
@poster
DeletePlease don't give in yet. Stick with Your logo of no sex till marriage, That's the right thing to do. Anybody that can't wait till after wedding should walk away. There are guys that can wait till after marriage. But be sure you love whoever you'll marry who will be the one to visit the promise land, That's the only way it will be easier for you not to blackout again
Please remain celibate
No pre-marital sex
Please zip-up
Your comment will be visible after approval
Abeg you and Stella should shut up! And Stella any girl that sleep with a man on their first date is CHEAP, very cheap! See ehn, I've been seeing pple giving reasons why pre-marital sex is good or bad, the truth is "what is good is good & what is bad is bad". U'll see comments like: 'I know some1 who's a runs girl bla bla and now she's happily married with kids and another who married a virgin and now she's suffering with no kids, bla bla.' Nonesense, its still gud to keep yourselves ladies, no reason, no conditions.
DeleteSex is not love. ..
DeleteWhat is bad is bad and what is good is good!!!! Rude anonymous. Sharp beak. Foolish saliva. Telling stella to shut up.
DeletePoster fuck if you deem it fit.
Anon 16:25, where exactly is your head at........... Do you really understand the word "making love", dumb head like you pointing accusing fingers, r u legs ever closed at all.
DeleteKeep yourself till u re married biko.....please @vee how can I get a blog I'd as nobody want teach me,been asking and everybody been ignoring tot we re family
DeleteHmmm
DeleteSo everyone on this blog including stella applauds pre marital sex....aka fornication
Whether it's done on d first date or d 500th date, it's still fornication
But these same people scream at the mention of the word 'chee' aka adultery
God have mercy.
Poster Oya collect advice
Were ya,
You better wait on God
All these things affect d foundation of marriage
I rest my case
Good night
@poster pls don't give in to sex. Your virginity should still be intact as long as there was no penetration.
DeleteI was molested at a very tender age and due to that I felt I was no longer a virgin but when I eventually had sex in my late twenties, I discovered I virginity was still intact all this while.
Mschewww! I am tired of this sex matter! Nobody is a child regarding sex issue! PLEASE STOP DOSTURBING US WITH ALL THIS FUCKING MATTER! YOU ARE ALL SEEKING FOR ATTENTION OR VALIDATION! If you want to tie your legs, tie it! If you want to hang it wide on the buglary iron, hang it! I don't know how you want BVs to help you! Mschewww.
Delete@sweetestJ,just Google 'how to get a blog id,stella dimoko blog'.You'll see the post where Bv Martins Aboy wrote how to go about it.
DeleteStella pls educate urself. Molestation does not always involve penetration.
DeleteMadam Stellalicious has said it all....gals don't even tell guys abt being virgins dese days,jst stick 2 d 'no sex b4 marriage' n d rite guy wuld cum 4 u.n wen d tym cums n wit d rite person,u'll no.all d bst
ReplyDeleteDepends on the kind of molesting she means. Touched and fondled or outright rape. Poster just do the right thing, you're an adult after all
DeleteA lot of girls were molested without being penetrated.. Poster would have elaborated more..
DeleteBut the bone of contention is not even about her virginity here.. I don't know why females get all aggressive when one says she's a virgin here!!!
@poster..you are old enough to know what you want please...
Hmmm
DeleteSo everyone on this blog including stella applauds pre marital sex....aka fornication
Whether it's done on d first date or d 500th date, it's still fornication
But these same people scream at the mention of the word 'chee' aka adultery
God have mercy.
Poster Oya collect advice
Were ya,
You better wait on God
All these things affect d foundation of marriage
I rest my case
Good night
@ Iphie Dearie: The aggression ehn! It comes from the feeling that someone is "better" than them. Na wa.
DeleteOdikwa vry risky....@stella, she could v been molested &sexually harassed as a child but nt raped!!! Thank me later
ReplyDeleteAbeg if you have been fingered you are not a virgin biko.After insisting that i am a virgin to my current boo, he then studied the female reproductive organs.
DeleteOnly for him to give me the story of how I am not a V, because my hymen has been broken, and the hymen is first before the vagina. See argument, i said na lie, its inside d v...
Now saw an article on hymens before I believed him. I felt like complete idiot, was like they poured iced water on my body. I now then remembered when I was partially raped due to my own carelessness. He could not penetrate but his penis broke the hymen. I swear for the guy no be small.
The moral of my story is yes she could have been molested not raped. So the poster better carry out a medical exam to know if it is truly intact.
A lack of hymen does not mean a woman is not a virgin wtf is wrong with you dumb nigerians (im aware that not all are dumb).
DeleteBut bloody hellllll the things i read on this blog.
What exactly is you people's definition of virginity? So if a girl does long jump or horse riding and her hymen gets torn in the process, she is automatically disvirgined? Una no get work. Google oh
DeleteKeep yourself
ReplyDeleteHmmmm SDK first tym I wl sincerely disagree wit u, dis ur talk hennn no too dey there ds time... We should encourage her to keep to her decision not make her see reason y she shouldn't. Well, she might still be a virgin, she didn't say she was RAPED. Poster, deep down you, u know what you want! I hope u make d right choice.
DeleteRight time to have sex? We aint in a position to tell you that. I won't play that card of no sex before marriage. Better find out if a man is a good fuck before thinking about the future. I know a lady who married a one minute impotent man and they got divorced after 2 year.
ReplyDeleteAt 24, you should be having sex marathon already. Loosen up, enjoy the passion and send us a narrative on your sexcapades. #PlaySafe
Hian! One minute impotent Man.
DeleteBeen molested before doesn't say her hymen has been broken. All the same, to the poster, forgive yourself for what happened in the past and open your mind for love again. Although, if you wish to be celibate till marriage, it's good and fine, but make sure you free your mind from the past so that it won't affect your future. If you're afraid now, who told you the fear would have gone after marriage?
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people hide d fact that they were molested.Why are u hiding it? Is it that u enjoyed d whole thing or what? Open up and talk to ur family..talk to someone even if d person if u were truly molested..Some of u will claim u were afraid of ur mom and dad daz why u couldnt talk
ReplyDelete.Who isnt afraid of their parents anyway? I was nearly molested by a cousin,i raised alarm..My dad was dangerously strict but i told him..d same thing with mom..Poster how will u feel if ur child should hide such a thing from u?
U better open up now and exposed d idiot who molested u..daz when u will feel better and have a good relationship with men.
Chizzy its not easy to talk about it I had a friend who was a lez in d university, we used to ask her all d time why she choose to get it on with ladies and it took her a while to open up to us that she was molested by an elderly neighbour as a child and she couldn't tell her parents out of fear and shame and she can't stand men. People tend to be judgemental about issues like this, this is africa and rape is a big deal and its d woman that always bear d brunt.
DeletePeople hide their molestation due to shame and some parents would even blame you for being molested. Everybody's parents are diff. The only thing is letting the man you're about to marry know and the funny thing is some men will use it against you
DeleteChizoba, pray that it never happens to you or your kids. I was molested as a child and I wanted so bad to talk about it, but I knew it would make my parents so unhappy and feel so inadequate for not being there. I tried once to let my mother know that I remember being raped as a child and I saw the worst kind of sadness in her eyes. She was ashamed and hurt...so I let it go. It's not easy to talk especially in a country like our, I was raped again by a "boyfriend" but if I report, the first thing they'd ask is why did you spend the night in his house in the first place. There are many reasons why people don't talk. Don't judge them. Help them. I'm 24 and in the exact same situation as the poster but whatever..have sex when your ready, trauma can be fought. I don't know how, but I fight it everyday and I dare say, I win
DeleteGod'll be your strength. Continue to be strong. Hugs
DeleteU are not a virgin
ReplyDeleteD fact dat one isn't a virgin doesn't mean dat one shud sleep with every tom dick and harry, some pple av principles!!!!!
DeleteI actually had sex my fiance d day we met n his love is even stronger Dan my own sef, i'm nt saying havin sex is a gud tin, bin celibate has many reasons, if ur reasons are religion, den stay celibate bt if itz cos of fear of d unknown den u better face ur fears, u cnt marry dat guy 2mao n u'l tel him ur celibate or scared 4 eva o, he'l jst tear ya pant. Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...if u think it is time to give it all up, u should. Try and talk to someone abt d molestation and move past it. It won't be easy but u av to try...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteCut ur coat according to ur size biko. Must u weather shoe and carry purse?! Beggar with choice!
DeleteLmao.
DeleteIt is well...
Hmmmmmmmmmm
Women when will you learn? You have a child yet you cannot buy shoe & bag. So how are you feeding your child? So how will you entertain the people coming to dedicate your child with you? Your husband doesn't have money for shoe and bag and instead of that being a realization for you, you come here to beg. Ok. Good luck.
DeleteHmm, abeg wu. B ur Oga? Smh
DeleteAmaka beggi beggi
DeleteWe have found Amaka beggi beggi
DeleteWe have found Amaka beggi beggi
DeleteLike stella said there is really no right time to have sex its either u want it or u don't and some thing about molestation is that the memory always comes back to hurt u, i will say for a start sit him down and talk to him about ur experience he might see reasons with u or better still help u over come it wch ever one u decide dear best of luck.
ReplyDeleteMolested could have been without penetration naa. U guys should take a chill pill...A girl once told me her uncle used to carry her on his laps and she kept feeling something grow hard and lift her up gently even in public withou pple suspecting ,,, and she used to enjoy it without even knowing it was an erection (she was about 3 yrs old) ....ithat one an molesting too na....virgins are hard to find oo.pls keep itself for someone who will frame ur hymen in his living room in appreciation for chastity lol.....Stella u must enjoy me
ReplyDeleteMy dear, if u think d past is stil hunting U til now, plz seek help, so u can let go of hurt. Cus I understand it was ur past experience dat discouraged u frm dating, y not seek healing first since d tot stil hurts
ReplyDeleteHow were you molested?
ReplyDeleteWas it frequent?
Was there any penetration? If yes, please, you are no longer a virgin, madam.
As for the right time to have sex, don't wait for us to tell you.
Follow your heart & Konji as e dey do you.
Life is too short, live it well, albeit carefully.
All these "No sex before marriage" ain't my thing mbok.
My man must be heavily endowed, and know how to use his tool very well, before we walk down the aisle.....in order to avoid stories that touch.
All the best poster.
HMMMM
ReplyDeleteHmm..
ReplyDeleteMy Dear Oge adirô Chop the thing and Clean mouth.. If I've not had sex with you, you've not worn me over no matter how much I claim to Love you, sex just Opens me up for real to a Relationship.. TakeNote..
ReplyDelete.
.
.
.NOTE: Raise Your Words, Not Your Voice. It Is Rain That Grows Flowers, Not Thunder..
All u guys preaching fornication God is watching u in 3D.poster tie ur legs oo.tell the guy abt d molestation n your phobia.if he truly loves u he will wait and support u.
ReplyDeleteAfi virgin Mary
DeleteExcept we want to deceive ourselves, all things are actually fornication! Joseph had a choice but fled fornication (Appearances of evil).
DeleteLook for Jerome onipede for counselling
DeleteI would advice you to seek professional help. Someone who you can talk to and help you analyze and get over what happened to you. Before it leads to more problems for you in future.....some become frigid during sex when such issues like yours are unresolved.
ReplyDeleteAww, i wish i understand how u feel, the fact remains, no sex before marraige, ani guy dat loves u will stick to dat + move closer to God.
ReplyDeleteAbstinence is d best.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, stella has said it all, i'll advise you talk with your man about it, celibacy is no play thing, if it happens you're no longer "intact", nobody will die, but talk to your partner about it, your parents too, would you like if your child hides such from you, it'll go a long way in helping you heal. And you need sex orientation so you don't continue getting scared. Love you and hope you make it through this.
ReplyDeleteDo what you think is right.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a virgin, its just that you have not had sex with someone willingly.
You're an adult, so do what you feel is right.
Not the one that you'll go and sleep with him and start saying you are feeling guilty.
You said you almost had sex with him? Trust me, the next time you guys kiss and do every every, you will finally know the koko.
I don't even know what you want sef.
.
.
.
.
.
If it's important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.
@Mosi_Tash_Jazzy
Lol, u off all people shold not talkk when others are talking. Whore of benin. I'm waiting for d day u will get married,if u will o! I will personally arrange those street babes to date urr husband only dey won't produce a bastard child like u..jayem wasn't d only neighbour u had..*winks*
ReplyDeleteWell! U are no longer a virgin, your hymen is no longer intact so don't go telling the guy you are a virgin. As far as you were molested at a tender age, if you like stay for a thousand years without sex, that hole cannot be the same again as when it was not tampered with. If you think staying away from premarital sex is the best thing, my dear stick to that, don't let any man make you change your mind towards that. And if you decide to have a change of mind and try out sex, please insist on a condom. All the best.
ReplyDeleteWhat the Fuck... please go check up the meaning of molestation... the poster didn't say she was raped, I have been molested, my breast fondled at age 4 by an adult, has nothing to do with my Vagina... c'mon people, receive sense
DeleteMolested does not mean raped*
ReplyDeleteKeep ur self for d right guy..
ReplyDeleteKeep your self,the right man will locate you!
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the way you were molested..if your hymen wasn't tampered with,then technically,you are still a virgin..but if even the tiniest finger found its way down there...then you are not a virgin..
ReplyDeleteJust be sure of what exactly you want..communication is key in any good relationship..
If you feel comfortable,you can open up to the guy to enable him understand your fears..
Had sex on d first date with my hubby, we got married 7 years later, (1month ago exactly) , u ll knw when it's time.
ReplyDeleteAll of you coming here to out rightly support pre marital sex.. saying what ur saying kudt be aware that the foundation of your marriage has be tempered with.. Pre marital sex is a sin and in as much as am not perfect we should speak of it with remorse and shame not pride and fulfillment
DeleteIf you love him, collect prick jare! Forget Wat has happened in the past, let bygone be bygone!
ReplyDeleteIm not sure how I feel about this Stella's red comment today. Mtscheew. Poster, the best thing for anyone is no sex before marriage. Forget what anyone says, God's standards remain the same. That aside sef, do not be under pressure to start having sex just because youre 24. You are better off without it, trust me. Do you count the calendar everytime hoping your period comes? Do you stay hoping you dont have an std? Isnt it easier for you to walk away from a relationship where there was no sex? Have you ever worried about having an abortion? Would you rather be stacking your 'body count'? The stress that celibacy saves you from is plenty. And When the right person comes, it will happen. He wont be as silly as the person in Stella's comment who is looking for a hymen to marry, rather than a person. You will be able to tell him about your past, and you two will work together to create your future. Do not be in a hurry to have sex. . Whatever you do, do it because it is what YOU want, not because you think it will make him stay. Those boys who left you would still have left if you slept with them, and then you would have been truly shattered. With sex its better you dont start, because I hear its harder to stay celibate afterwards. There are many celibate people out there, and a lot of times when people are encouraging you to start, its because , misery loves company. My 2 shillings.
ReplyDeleteCan I be your friend? U are vry wise. 1 millon likes for ur comment dear
DeleteThumbs up for your comment. Dear poster don't start what you can't finish, bcos wanting to stay calibrate later is much harder.
DeleteThank you for your comment. I'm no saint but right here is the truth. Fornication is not all it seems to be. God has a reason for telling us to keep away from pre marital sex. It's not easy but it's worth it. I'm a secondary virgin btw lol
DeleteYou should get a blog ID
DeleteI love you already
God bless you
True talk!
DeleteWell said.the stress and heart break being celibate brings...Thank God for bringing me this far, not by might but by your grace.
DeletePoster, sex before marriage is against the will of God and anything against the will of God is against your life (I mean from that moment till you die),so choose suffering from conji now or facing the anger of God in your life and even marriage for the rest of your life, someone said, the foundation is very important and I say, very very important.
GOD help us all.
Best comment!
DeleteLol@Stella,u harsh oo!at least she is a secondary virgin na#eyelashes#
ReplyDeletePoster ur refusal of sex isn't cos u want to remain holy',but out of the traumatic fear u still have after the rape,so IMO I think u need to let go of those feelings,sex is pleasant with the right person.maybe get a psychologist to counsel and pray with u.when u outgrow dat fear,we can know how to advise u!
Im not sure how I feel about this Stella's red comment today. Mtscheew. Poster, the best thing for anyone is no sex before marriage. Forget what anyone says, God's standards remain the same. That aside sef, do not be under pressure to start having sex just because youre 24. You are better off without it, trust me. Do you count the calendar everytime hoping your period comes? Do you stay hoping you dont have an std? Isnt it easier for you to walk away from a relationship where there was no sex? Have you ever worried about having an abortion? Would you rather be stacking your 'body count'? The stress that celibacy saves you from is plenty. And When the right person comes, it will happen. He wont be as silly as the person in Stella's comment who is looking for a hymen to marry, rather than a person. You will be able to tell him about your past, and you two will work together to create your future. Do not be in a hurry to have sex. . Whatever you do, do it because it is what YOU want, not because you think it will make him stay. Those boys who left you would still have left if you slept with them, and then you would have been truly shattered. With sex its better you dont start, because I hear its harder to stay celibate afterwards. There are many celibate people out there, and a lot of times when people are encouraging you to start, its because , misery loves company. My 2 shillings.
ReplyDeleteabeg fuck your thing jare.....Virgin kor las vegas ni.
ReplyDeleteHahahhahahaah ,bad girl
DeletePls talk to someone, it's very bad n destructive to keep such tin to urself. Don't destroy ur future bc psychologically u won't be ok, weda u re married or dating. Speak up pls, so dt u can live normally.
ReplyDeleteOh dear I wait for comments
ReplyDeleteBabes I was like you, was molested as well and couldn't bring myself to have sex with any guy even the so called boyfriends... each time i decide to ''do'' it, the pain is way too excruciating so i kukuma lock my legs and i'm 27.. lemme be frank with you.. never confuse sex for love.. take your time, no one would advise you when its the right time to have sex.. you would know yourself when the time is ringht. And by this, i mean you are very much aware of the consequences.. STI's, STDs, Unwanted Pregnancy and co and you are still willing to go ahead. Sit yourself down and evaluate the Situation... if it feels right go for it, if lot my dear use rope tie ya legs. Sex lasts for max 30 mins, but how you feel afterwards is what matters. Test yourself and your partner and please Use Protection. i'd rather have you wait tho.. to aavoid stories that touch. Sorry for the Epistle
ReplyDeleteMy dear if you're not ready to have sex then don't, it's not a bad thing to wait till after you're married just let the man know you were molested. Society these days you can't tell the diff from what's right or wrong, society has made the right things feel wrong. When you're doing something right they make you feel like you re making the biggest mistake of your life. Don't follow the crowd.
ReplyDelete@ anonymous 16:00: Hugs n kisses for your comment.
ReplyDeleteSadly, very few people think like you.
Sory about being molested
ReplyDeleteIs sex food?
Why can't you think of how to add to the Engineering world?
Sex sex sex sex everywhere
Ladies close your legs kwanu
XOXO MYSTERY
Lol.
DeleteI like yoi
point of correction poster, that you have not had sex for more than a decade does not make you a virgin. since someone has been there and your hymen broken, you are not a v. dont parade yourself as one because its called deceit if later discovered.
ReplyDeleteam so sorry for what happened to you. move on already with your life. as for sex. its ur call. you have to make it but i wont dare marry you if i dont go there because am not ready for stories that touches the heart. divorce is too much these days. dont wanna be part of it.
am out.
Hey darling! Celibacy/abstinence is the key....
ReplyDeleteMolestation may be with or without penetration.
However, please seek for help because the psychological trauma you have after many years of molestation could affect your marriage.
Keeping it real dear, that does not mean you won't be horny especially when you are ovulating.That means your decision to stay celibate is up to you.Be ready to bear the consequences of the choices you make.
Take charge of your life and if you are a believer you know what to do. God bless you.
@Stella and the poster: I understand Stella to be a Christian (please correct me if I'm wrong) ever since my husband introduced me to this blog. If I'm right; then let's look at this issue from God's (word) perspective. This girl was raped at age nine and her innocence forcefully taken away from her. It was not her intention to have sex (God judges the intent and attitude of the heart: Heb. 4:12). Before man (doctors, and co) her hymen is broken and so disvirgined. But before God, what does the Lord say?
ReplyDeleteRev. 1:4 4These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb. 5No lie was found in their mouths; they are blameless.
@Stella; will this girl join this procession in the kingdom of God? Definitely; she will be here! She is blameless (saved and sanctified) and no lie found on her lips (tell whoever is your fiance or husband that you were molested at age nine and since then you've not had sex with any one); and above all maintain your NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE (i.e. your bride price paid)
All the best!
Lady IGO
The only sensible person on this blog,omg i couldn't believe oherd advise, j8sbhave sex go ahead,like sex is meaningless
DeleteDON'T give in! I repeat,"DON'T give in"... Flee fornication.. All these pre marital sex complicates one's life. There is nothing special in dis sex thing.. Any man that loves you must be willing to accept ur condition but if he doesn't he could take a walk.
ReplyDeleteTo the poster again: hope you've forgiven those/whoever it is that molested you at age 9. If not; kindly do; that is the greatest healing you will have; or like Stella will say, the greatest gift you can give to yourself. I've counselled a lot of folks who had vaginismus in marriage due to being unable to forgive those who molested them. They've had several medical visits to no avail. The moment they forgave, they loosened up and began to enjoy their sex lives in marriage (NOTE THAT I SAID "SEX LIVES IN MARRIAGE). yES, sex should be in marriage and it is a sweet; not a laborious experience. A decent lady should have sex with the man she loves, who pays her bride price in a ceremony (no matter how small the ceremony), this is the scriptural definition of marriage. Christ paid with his life for his bride, the church and we became his (those whose names are in the book of life).
ReplyDeleteIf you were raped as a child or adult and you never forgave the person who did it; how about the prayer; "father forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us"? That means that you are robbing yourself of the peace that comes from God's forgiveness. Beloved, do not worry about "enjoying sex in marriage"; it will happen, as long as you forgive those who sinned against you by raping you then. I remember a lady who did that at the point of death from a "terminal illness", she was miraculously healed! Hers was inability to forgive her friend who according to her "snatched her husband". She would have died from a chronic illness due to unforgiveness but the Lord had mercy on her; she afterwards remarried and is today blessed with kids. And she was sorry for the "snatched husband" when he came back looking for her (after the "snatcher lady" dumped him when she found a sweeter nectar) and she simply smiled and told him; "as you can see, I'm happily and peacefully married . . .I pray you find peace"
When you forgive, you free yourself!
LADY IGO
To the poster again: hope you've forgiven those/whoever it is that molested you at age 9. If not; kindly do; that is the greatest healing you will have; or like Stella will say, the greatest gift you can give to yourself. I've counselled women who had vaginismus in marriage due to being unable to forgive those who molested them. They've had several medical visits to no avail. The moment they forgave, they loosened up and began to enjoy their sex lives in marriage (NOTE THAT I SAID "SEX LIVES IN MARRIAGE). yES, sex should be in marriage and it is a sweet; not a laborious experience. A decent lady should have sex with the man she loves, who pays her bride price in a ceremony (no matter how small the ceremony), this is the scriptural definition of marriage. Christ paid with his life for his bride, the church and we became his (those whose names are in the book of life).
ReplyDeleteIf you were raped as a child or adult and you never forgave the person who did it; how about the prayer; "father forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us"? That means that you are robbing yourself of the peace that comes from God's forgiveness. Beloved, do not worry about "enjoying sex in marriage"; it will happen, as long as you forgive those who sinned against you by raping you then. I remember a lady who did that at the point of death from a "terminal illness", she was miraculously healed! Hers was inability to forgive her friend who according to her "snatched her husband". She would have died from a chronic illness due to unforgiveness but the Lord had mercy on her; she afterwards remarried and is today blessed with kids. And she was sorry for the "snatched husband" when he came back looking for her (after the "snatcher lady" dumped him when she found a sweeter nectar) and she simply smiled and told him; "as you can see, I'm happily and peacefully married . . .I pray you find peace"
When you forgive, you free yourself!
LADY IGO
It is well
ReplyDeleteStella, you can be really harsh sometimes sha.
ReplyDeletePoster - put your well being first,you can very well live without sex at this point in time. Try to keep yourself occupied rather than focusing on when or when not to "give it up"
Sweetie, I think your major problem now is how to heal from the past.
ReplyDeleteForget about sex right now, it will come at the right time with the right man God has for you. Focus on getting a professional help, someone you can talk to about the past, obviously a good therapist who will help you over come the trauma.
Poster, the caliber of people walking on the wrong road does not make the road right. Please stick to your entity if you are really for no sex before marriage.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm writing again; I'm particularly concerned about this poster being made the guilty party after suffering from rape: Really to say that this poster isn't a virgin (because she was raped at 9) is to point to a man whose car was snatched at gun point as the robber and going ahead to send him to jail! Yes, the poster's innocence was snatched at 9! She is more than just "a hymen"; she is lady; All the poster need do is to forgive the culprit and move on with her life. Like I said earlier I know of ladies who denied themselves of happiness and marital fulfillment . . . manifesting in different ways including vaginismus (vaginal tightening on attempt at penetration)due to unforgiveness.
ReplyDeleteAgain beloved, be very careful about this man who "want to have sex with you and you backed out . . .". Ladies, having sex with a man will not guarantee love or marriage . . . it will confirm you a cheat; a cheap cheater . . .one that can't be trusted and many of such ladies gets dumped afterwards (especially in the event of pregnancy) . . . murder of an innocent follows etc. Why not build yourself up mentally and spiritually instead of thinking sex at this stage.
LADY IGO
Dear poster,
ReplyDeleteTie ur legs together
It's a good excuse
U get to know who means wel n who doesn't
Sex is not love,love is not sex.
If the guy loves you,he will stay with u
Don't give up,ur almost there
No big deal in ds sex thing joor
Follow ur heart, may d lord see u thru.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm...... I am a typical example of what Stella wrote....I thought I was a virgin not untill my hubby had sex with me....it was crazy! Only God took control of situation that time....to Him be all the Glory.... So, my dear poster, it is better you let him know the molestation(if he is your husband, he will marry you) or you allow him to have sex now.....so as to avoid trouble in future. TosinKate.
ReplyDeletestella how you must have telescopic,ultrasound eyes o. you are so certain she is no longer a virgin o ga. Sweets, i feel you. Just take your time open up to him about your past and take it from there no need to rush in to sex and remember not all men are same.dont let the trauma of the past destroy your future hugs
ReplyDeleteWhy do girls get angry when a girl says she's a virgin???? No sleep with him you will regret it! Saves yourself the psychological harm believe me is not worth it....plus, stop telling pple you are a virgin ... Just pray u find someone that loves you . Hymen or no hymen doesn't prove virginity!
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame the standard of education has really fallen.....people just read but can't comprehend......did she say anywhere in this article she had sex? So the word molestation means a sexual activity took place? @ Francis pls go back and read the article before yarning dust.....
ReplyDeleteBeing a Christian and going to church does not mean being a believer or committed to Christ....a lot of people speak christianese and talk about God but their core values are a complete opposite.....Gods position is no sex before marriage cos he knows best....God is not a fool for doing that....
She said she was molested and was traumatized from it hence she cant be sexually involved. She never said she was raped at 9yrs. People read well before you comment. My dear seek help . Take your time...abstinence is better. If he loves you he will wait. Or why not open up to him?
ReplyDeleteDarling, I'm sorry you had your innocence compromised at such a tender age. I can't begin to imagine what growing up with such a burden felt/feels like. What I am more concerned with is the ripple effect the molestation has on you that you may not even be aware of. Sex shouldn't be the main concern now rather dealing with your past is paramount, lest you inadvertently sabotage potentially good relationships and end up bitter and depressed. The mind is very good at masking trauma and reflecting it on a person's character. You may think all the molestation caused is your phobia for sex but that might just be a tip of the iceberg. I suggest you see a psychologist or a counsellor, it wouldn't be a bad idea to discuss with your spiritual leader(pastor, priest, Imam etc) to tackle the spiritual aspect of it.
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The truth is, premarital sex is against Biblical principles though a lot of us did it regardless. We knew it was wrong but we did it anyway. Thank God for His mercy and grace.
Honey, you've managed to avoid sex (either by accident or design) for this long, are you sure you want to give it up now? At 24 and having not been with a man, you may be more naive than you realise. Baby, sex changes the dynamics of a relationship and can produce a massive whiplash if you you aren't vast in the knowledge of man and sex. A lot women wised up from various bad experiences with men so they know the ropes and can smell a player miles away. Some have been played by over 10 men and are yet to realise how cunning some men are. With your complicated past are you sure you're prepared to fight in the battle field of "lust" where "I love you" or "I see our future in your eyes" can mean "I can't wait to tap that" or "I wonder how hot she'll be in the sack"? How well do you know the mind games men and women play? It's an emotional jungle out there where gullibility comes at a steep price.
Sweetheart, your primary goal should be trying to fix whatever broke inside you. When a child gets molested, something within breaks. Who knows? Maybe during the healing period, the right guy for you will show up. Honey, too much treachery out there, too many smooth operators who will tell you sweet nothings and make you feel special just to get between your thighs then move on when they've had their fill. You think you hurt now? Wait till you experience rejection from guys you've slept with. You need a mature and understanding man who loves you and can cope with your sex phobia not some randy dude looking for "stuff" to sample , sow wild oats and has no intentions of settling down anytime soon. I wish you the best and a very happy life, my love.
#e-bearhugs.
Hmmmmm. Stella have said it all
ReplyDeleteOn the last day, we will not only account for things that we said, we will also account for things that we typed., many of us may be going to hell just because of "advise" that we gave on a blog. Why should a little girl be asking if premarital sex is ok and we are giving her yes and no answer? The answer is YeS whether you are a Christian or a Muslim- please little girl, u don't even need a relationship if you are not ready for marriage in 2 or 3 years.. U are setting your self up for fornication.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous am appalled
DeleteOmo see advise o
God sees all things
People who are 'Christians ' are proud to support pre marital sex
Gosh!!
God has a reason why he said no to premarital sex
So so sad...
If the foundation be shaken, what can the righteous do?
Sex makes things complicated. For example, I'm dating my ex boyfriends best friend! Guess what I didn't have sex with either of them . I told him the only way people will take us seriously and not ridicule me is if he puts a ring on it. Trust me! Regardless of me not sleeping with his friend the respect is always there! Even when people say it's wrong , he stands up for me because of the trust. I don't want the future holds for us. All I know things are way less complicated when sexual emotion is not involved. Please do keep focus, sex excludes a lot of conversation yall supposed to have in a relationship. It's not easy , but if temptation knocks at the door don't invite it for dinner. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteTo the lady who was molested. Pele. May the Glory of God surround you comfort you and heal you.
ReplyDeleteNow sexual molestation doesn't mean your hymen can be broken. So I don't doubt you that you think you are a virgin.
The aim of this molestation has various effects.
1. Sexual perversion; because your being violated. you might be prone to think about the opposite sex, want sex to fulfill the void within you, abuse yourself prone to homo,promiscuous. sorry I can't be more explicit but Pastors have explain further. There the familiar spirit of lust, perversion. the target at young age. All these demons lurk about to bind you.
2. Notice you are preoccupied at this moment to fornicate.
3. Notice the psychological effect of this. for you not to fulfill and truly enjoy sexual intercourse. Sex is only for married people be warned.
You have done well. NOt only are you helping others, but also yourself.
Meditating on God's word and reading He loves you heals you. Take no thought when those memories come. Say I hand it over to you Jesus Christ. You are the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus.
From time immemorial the devil has tried to destroy the human race. By attacking kids at a young age and in time trying to halt procreation.
Go to a Grace base church, not a tithe law church. Pray for yourself. It's only the Love of Christ that will complete you.
Some boyfriends are not mature enough to understand or support you. So you need to be prayerful with whom you connect with as in bf.
I hope this resonates with you.
There is no perfect person that's why Jesus Christ died on the cross of us all. So if you are bitter with your molester tell Jesus Christ. It might take time but you will be eventually free.
That Lord's prayer was before Jesus Christ died. Tell me a perfect person that can obey all the rules. My dear. Nothing should condemn you.
Aunty Stella before jumping on the bandwagon to accuse the poster please ask what extent of the molestation was and don't be hard on people. It's not nice when some1 is being vulnerable.
To the poster, pro counseling is all u need to rid of ur phobia.
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