What do you do with the friends you had before you got married?Did you dump them unceremoniously because your partner was uncomfortable with them or did you dump them because you realised they had negative influence?or did you just dump them because they were still single?
Or did you keep your friends and still hang out with them even after Marriage.
I noticed this has caused a lot of problems between wives and husbands especially when they call each other or go visit each other. Does it make any sense to do this as a married individual? Or should visiting and calling stop once you are married?
My question once again is...IS IT GOOD TO KEEP MALE/FEMALE FRIENDS AFTER MARRIAGE?
Did you keep your old friends and it hurt your marriage?
Were you dumped by your friend who got married?
Step forward and let's discuss this.
Waiting for comments
ReplyDeleteMarried ladies are not loyal.... Once they get married....they forget their friends... I dey hear ds thing too much......dem go come dey carry body like peacock...
DeleteNonsense and ingredient
Na only those married men...na dem sure pass...they never forget their single friends, that are male....they still talk and keep the relationship
But once a girl get .married.... She go dey form nonsense
@Galore
Exactly they act like their friends won't get married too very body must Marry that's just it
DeleteThis has been a topic for so much debate. I see nothing wrong with keeping your friends after marriage unless there's something wrong with them or your husband has genuine concerns. If my single friends do not have my best interest at heart, I will dump them asap.
DeleteIf my spouse has concerns, I will find out what his concerns are before making my decision. However if keeping them will cause problems in my marriage, I will just distance myself from them for peace to reign!
You are very right @galore
DeleteI second u on this.that is how one of my married frds said she won't buy aso Ebi after buying her own.spending money fr her wedding etc some pple r just very stingy nd ungrateful.
DeleteOmo, Stella sugar some married chicas ain't loyal! There's one I v on my list I usually buy clothes from, omo d moment the guy engaged her every morning na bc bc she dey send, on how God blesses this or that and how holiness does dis or dat, this na girl when we all know na! No shoropo reach am. No con try her since after d wedding, Omo is Goodmorning, sis, May God's blessings this God blessings that, now when u go 2her shop she acts d Mrs that she is, plenty plenty attitude and shit! Abi. Is it one of my friend that I waka'd d whole of lagos island and ikeja for her wedding,even had issues with my man cos I came home by almost 10pm cos of traffic, afta wedding my girl change am 4us oo!As her hubby got her a car omo we nor com reach her again oo, she started talking to us like we were her househelps! As I say I nor fit take am e turn problem oo! Truth is I'm married now, and I still talk 2my friends. We still hook up and hang out even with my Biggy belle. My hubby knows all 3 of them and they r like my support system assides boo.we ladies v to take a chill pill! A change in status shldnt cos such an uproar! My 2cents opinion
DeleteExactly,I agree with u anonymous 19.54, they distance themselves from friends as if the single ones won't get married someday.......
DeleteMarried pple take over....
ReplyDelete~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
That's how one stupid girl on my bbm updated "if u're 24 & still single, something is def wrong with u" The usain bolt speed I used to delete her ehn, I'm sure she never hexperrerit. Mtchewww
DeleteI would insult her befor deleting as soon as I see that she's typing a message I ll delet her straight
DeleteLol @cici, na so I dey look them, no wahala my turn they come, it's even better when u r a southerner no much pressure.
DeleteSome days to my wedding, one of the ogaz in my office called me and told me that once i get married, i should discard my single friends because we are no more on the same level.
DeleteHe explained that our priorities will be different and i will look irresponsible if i keep hanging out with them. I said "ok sir".
I left Naija soon after and i still have my single friends till today abi where do i want to start making new friends from now?
I love my friends and single or not, they are too valuable to be thrown away.
As a matter of fact, i have not made that deep connection with any married woman since then and my single friends don't make me miss home as much as i would have.
I have met married women that all they talk about is how we should go clubbing, buying designer stuff and exotic holidays.
Now I'm not saying that is bad but i consider such people as shallow.
Well, i guess it depends on the type of friends you had when you were single; if they were mature or not and that should be the determining factor.
How will you feel if your friend gets married and dump you?
If you won't like it, then don't do it to others.
After all, everyone will get married someday.
Cicinho, your friend is crazy lol
DeleteLol @cici
DeleteAre you kidding me?,..The Said girl must be small minded. msheeeeeeeeeew
DeleteHahaa.....@Cici God bless you.
DeleteNonsense and ingredient
Dem go dey carry ye ye body
@Galore
I luv naija well said.
DeleteLet me state the simple truth. Although i'm not yet married but the truth is that we all know which of our friends we would carry along if we married first. When you're married, you leave everything behind even your parents. The relationship won't be like before as it drops gradually. Females are the ones that doesn't need to keep some of their friends when they're married. Simply because, when you're married and your friends are single...they will surely corrupt you by introducing you to their boyfriends who in turn introduce their friends to you who is married and that's how it goes. I hope you're getting me. Its better for you to keep new friends when you're married (as a female) keep your church married women as friends, your colleagues at work who are married and so on. I am not saying girls shouldn't keep some old friends when they're married o but you should be careful with the one you choose to roll on with. Research had it that 80% if not more single ladies are not happy when their girlfriends get married. It also depends on how much you can't be tempted or intimidated. If you know you're a lady that can't be influenced by so called friends, you can hang on with them. But most married men love their wives to get new friends. Guys can take care of themselves 'cos they know which of their friends ain't serious. So they use style to distance themselves
Deletecici4 February 2015 at 13:43 my dear, hmm na so one guy tell me too o, said if a Lady is not married @ 25 she has issues o! Hmm my dear, my mumu self come force myself on one dude, my dear I almost died wen he wasn't forthcoming 4 married, but guess what? I just dropped His sorry ass!
DeleteAbisoye, I beg to differ. You can't generalise. Mind u, some married women are worse off and more promiscuous than their single friends. That ur friend is single doesn't mean that she'll introduce u to guys when u get married. If she does, it means that's what u were both doing before u got married.
DeleteThere's no reason to segregate, friendship is beyond ur marital status. That is if u ever relished the friends that u keep. You should define your relationships in such a way that u won't hurt your husband or ur friends.
Truly, some single friends can be jealous when their friend gets married before them....but before u marry, u should be able to tell which friend you'll always keep no matter what. I personally do not keep fiends, I have acquaintance that are just there.. I have only two people I can allow in my home anyday or time. My hubby has no time to be selecting which friend I should keep or not. I know already.
Any married woman who ridicules her friend because she is still single is simply the bad friend that the single lady should dump. What makes u better? Oh please. Can't deal.
Chilling for comments :D:D:D
ReplyDeleteQuite an interesting topic.
DeleteImo,i tink u should still keep your single frnds, but just give dem a little distance.
One shouldn't sideline a single frnd just 4 d fact that u got married b4 dem.
You can only quit d friendship if d person isn't happy or kind of jealous.
Will just read comments from the married ones tho
Why would i keep my distance from a friend because am married and she is still single? If she is irresponsible, it is a different ball game.We rolled together as friends when i was single so what makes me better than her? Marriage? We all wont get married at the same time.
DeleteIf your single friends are true friends you better stick with them.I had a friend who practically drove me everywhere when i was preparing for my wedding, she ran errands, she was just awesome and if i dare dump her, God will judge me self.
I actually had a married friend tell me to to dump some single friends of mine because as she says we can't go same places together and do the same stuff, I'm like wtf?!
DeleteI love my friends single or married, the only problem now is that lately I've been keeping to myself because of personal issues. I'm suspicious one of my single friends thinks I'm acting all married-ish cos she acts funny.
I just know if someone is your true friend, being single or married should not affect the relationship. For the married ones, it's not easy for them to balance their husband (as first priority), kids, friends and not forgetting family (including inlaws).
It depends on the kind of friend you had, if the friend is good and God fearing, no need dumping the person cos your married and she isnt, I still have single friends, we relate as before, though I can follow them to odd places. Its only male friends I detached from so I don't grow attached to them. I don't see keeping single friends as being bad as far as the friend is good.
ReplyDeleteHad one friend like that, we were very close, went everywhere together both straight and crooked
DeleteShe got married and bam! Her updates became only bible verses, ok, dats good. Next she stopped replying my pings and inviting me for events. I jst left her on her own oo.
4 months later she had serious issues wit hubby. Guess who she ran back to...
Its only after u marry u realise that ur friends r not good and God fearing?
DeleteAmazingly my favourite friends are still very single and we are still best of friends.
DeleteThe thing is that I don't hang out with them much now compared to those days, because we all are now too busy, work, family, kids, etc.
But they still make out time to visit me, sometimes even spend the weekend at my house.
They attend all my kid's parties and get together and render me great help.
We are always in touch almost on daily basis, thanks to BBM, WhatsApp and the rest.
We still gist normal, gossip, tease each other etc Nothing has changed per say.
I love my friends and they don't feel threatened by my married status because I don't rob it in their faces.
They are genuinely happy for me and I'm always praying for them to find their Mr right soonest.
Same with hubby, 80% of his friends are still single and he still hangs out with them, though not as often as before.
But they don't come to our house uninvited.
We have never had issues because of our single friends.
Let them be spending weekend in ur house o. Your chronicle is loading
DeleteLol @ her chronicle is loading. Anon u de craze i swear.
Delete@16:34
DeleteStory for the gods.
Park well there!
Insecure somborry.
@genny la baby...thank you. you have an idea what i'm talking about
DeleteHehehehe @chronicle is loading. Lmao
DeleteI kept my friends after marriage, dey hv nt affected me in any way or d other, dey will still get married someday , y dump dem cos I married before them?
ReplyDeleteExactly, except if d person start acting up.
DeleteAfter all,she will still get married.
Yea I still keep my single friends. As a matter of fact, they re d REAL friends. Once they re still loyal y dump dem? Not cool at all.
DeleteOne of those controversial topics. It depends largely on the quality of the friendship pre-marriage, I would imagine. There are certain factors to consider. The painful truth is, once you get married, you are somewhat "unequally yoked" with your single friends because your lifestyle changes and not because you love them less. That isn't an excuse to be nasty and crass to your single friends, though. There are some friends that are closer than blood relatives so they remain part of your life regardless of whatever status you attain. Even at that, your marriage must take priority and most true friends wouldn't require any notice to step down a notch and allow you build up your new home.
DeleteThe downside to maintaining friendship with your unmarried female friends is, the more you guys hangout, the more apparent the difference in lifestyles become and because of the societal stigma on unmarried ladies, especially within a certain age range, the single friends may mistake caution for rejection. They assume the married friends turn up their noses at the single friends. The intricate part is, some married ladies actually look down on their single friends, so how does one decipher which is which?
As a married lady, you can't party or go clubbing with your single friends the way you used to. There are certain conversations you can no longer have with your single friends and conflicts are inevitable. It would be highly inappropriate for a married woman to discuss "intimate activities" with her girls, unlike when they were all single and could even joke and compare body parts of their guys. What you consider fun may be perceived as boring by your single friends. Gradually, the difference in lifestyles determines the friendship one way or another. The issue of your partner is another major issue. It is ill-adviced to incorporate your single friends into your matrimony, it rarely ends well. You can keep your single friends if you please, but boundaries must be established.
As for having friends of the opposite sex...I never underestimate the power of closeness so I don't subscribe to that idea. It may appear harmless at 1st, but things can turn very serious, very quickly. You take him as a confidant, a "brotherly shoulder" to cry on. In return, he will be moved to comfort you and make you feel appreciated, if caution isn't exercised...Viola! same with hubbies and female friends.The male friends I acknowledged are colleagues or family friends who are married to my friends or other male family members. I have no male friend who is exclusively mine.
It's like using your seat belt while driving. Having an accident is a probability not a certainty. Some people have driven for decades without using the seat belt and have recorded no accidents but it's highly recommended to wear it as a safety measure. Better err on the side of caution.
To the single ladies, my lovelies, I'm in no way applauding the married ladies with uppity attitudes towards their unmarried friends but, sweethearts, I'm sure when you get married and experience 1st hand what marriage is all about, perhaps you may see things differently.
#e-bearhugs.
@Ronalda well said and fantastically written!!! E hugs right back at you *muah
DeleteI need to know too oo
ReplyDeleteLemme siddon n wait for comments
Oh interesting, I kept my friends just like the friends that got married before me kept me lol. Only if they are of bad influence should one dump them. That said, stella do a post so we can make friends with married God's spirit filled people on this blog.
DeleteThere is nothing wrong keeping ur friends after marriage but one should be able to balance it, also it, should be noted dat the person u are married to will also determine if u will welcome ur friends.
ReplyDelete70% of my friends re married and we still wonderful friends....am single and I don't pass my boundaries when am in my married friends house shikena
ReplyDeleteI kept my friends after marriage, dey hv nt affected me in any way or d other, dey will still get married someday , y dump dem cos I married before them?
ReplyDeleteI don't keep close friends...
ReplyDeleteWhy should I keep one when I have my man and kids...abeg they are my friends biko....
I don't talk with my secondary school pals infact,I have lost their contacts....
I am #TeamOneManSquad....
Any reasonable married woman should stay off friends...
Sannu.
DeleteWhat of a responsible married man? Should he not stay off friends too. Nonsense
DeleteWhat of responsible married man? Should he not stay off friends too. Nonsense
DeleteLinda gbam.
DeleteAnyways,I didn't hv friends before marriage,only coursemates.
Don't you have uni pals? Why did u have to go all d way to secondary school to look for them ???
DeleteAha! @Linda honey, your comments inspired this next question. I remember reading a story about a girl who was betrayed by her supposed bff. Over 70% of the comments were on how "female friends ain't loyal" or "one mad squad" or "I have no friends, my Boo is my bestie". So how come a lot of ladies now admit have close female friends whose friendships can/will not be compromised by marriage?
DeleteI remember @Linda was one of the few who consistently stated that they don't see the need to keep friends. I'm astounded at how some people's mindsets fluctuate based on the topic in question. If a married lady sends in a story about how her best friend, who is unmarried, slept with her hubby because her best friend normally comes to hang out with them at home. I can assure you that majority of comments will be bashing the married lady for allowing a single girl fraternize with her to the point of introducing her to her hubby and allowing her visit their home. The minute you retrict your friend(s) from frequent visits, wouldn't that be perceived as cutting them off or being less friendly because you're now married? Too many inconsistent points of view. Today it's good to keep friends, tomorrow "friends ain't loyal". Which way to go, pray tell?
Yes I have been dumped by married friends. Their loss not mine. I only dumped one single friend and it wasnt because she was single she just wasn't a FRIEND.
ReplyDeleteDon't have any contribution to this cos I don't have any friend.I have been like that for a very loooong time.though I have school mates which 96% of them are married now but that never stopped our comunication on social media
ReplyDeleteInfact have more of them as males than my female gender
Not married yet, but I don't like having married men as friends cos its major trouble. I think ur unmarried fwnds shuld b minimized as a married woman doe
ReplyDeleteThis happens most times especially with ladies because the married one feels she needs to mingle more with other experienced married ladies and keeps her distance from her unmarried single friends. I don't intend leaving my single friends when I'm married though I have only few as I don't keep much friends.
ReplyDeleteI and my best friend aint close again. She's married now and we hardly make calls or chat. Life goes on
Nothing changes after marriage 4 me, cos being single now I gat no negative pple around,I intend 2 kip my frends aftr marriage...
ReplyDeleteI still keep my friends because they are not just my friends, we are more like sisters and my husband knows we don't joke with each other.I don't see how or why marriage should tear us apart we know virtually everything there is to know about each other.Marriage shouldn't affect true friendship.
DeleteThe truth is that the married friend may even be the bad influence on her single friend. Such that when the married friend wants to do her dodgy moves, she'll use the single friend's name to lie to her hubby... and after a while hubby will start to think that his wife's friend is the bad influence....hence hell start to give her a cold shoulder and eventually tell his wife to stay away from her.
Delete...the downside is that the innocent single friend will not know that her married friend has used her name to cover up with her hubby. And she may never get to know. Meanwhile her friend would have destroyed her reputation before her husband...without knowing that his wife is the wayward one. God save us o
F
DeleteFrom the day I was born till now, I can count the number of people I can call my friends with my fingers.
ReplyDeleteI don't easily make them, for I open my eye so wide while choosing one. So why will I drop them because I'm married ?.
They are still my friends, marriage or not ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I am single.
ReplyDeleteFriendship changes when my friends get married.
some move far some u no longer have things in common
but with some u remain friends but there are changes
Waiting to read comments
ReplyDeleteOya o!
ReplyDeleteI shall read.
Y'all make it interesting. Tell stories!
Hmmmm...some dump you like it's hot
ReplyDeleteWell...for me, i have dumped my married friends, even though they are complainin i no longer communicate with them. To me, I believe we no longer have tins to share and discuss anymore.
ReplyDelete@calabar chick that's not fair... I am feeling same here. most of my friends that are single stop communicating with me ever since I got married.
DeleteAlso distance and time difference could be a factor. I still try to keep in touch with them.
Prior to my married status I didn't have much close friends just acquaintance.
It also depends on the factors surrounding that friendship. I make new ones daily but most likely I don't get so close anymore. I have had my fair share of betrayal.
Nothing to share or discuss any more???
DeleteReally???
So what on earth were you discussing with them before they got married?
Or are you one of those people some people are talking about...you become jealous of your married friend?
Many men with different understanding......for me I wud only kip friends who had positive effect on me not those dat will advice me wrongly.....but keeping male friends dere Shud b a big distance ohhh at least u talk to dem once in a while not always ohhh but for visiting dey Shud b d one to visit ohhh
ReplyDeleteBlog lord, Genny baby, TGW, Iphie Dearie Step forward
ReplyDeleteLOL
DeleteYes o. Step forward.
DeleteI step away from my married friends. Reasons:
ReplyDelete1. I can't be out with you and risk being mistakenly identified as a married woman too- I needz my toasters
2. I don't wanna hear how awesome ur hubby is (same one I saw grinding on another chick in d club)
3. I get jealous sometimes :(
4. My married friends are boring! Can't go on vacays, or do anything fun.
So 4 me, immediately a friend gets married after playing my part during ur wedding I don pack my load go oo, I don't even visit them except they have kids or bday. But of cos they are always welcome at mine
Chai!
DeleteObserver
I love u
*chop knuckle*
Observer, you will never get any of the things you listed with me. I am married, my single friends still depend on me for fun. Toasters, you will get. I have more interesting things to discuss other than how awesome hubby is, that's my biz, not for anyone else. I'm far from boring, last vacation 2014 was Vegas with 2 singles and I'm more fun than you can handle. Have you been rolling with the wrong folks?
DeleteI am ZaraB aka Aphrodite.
Oya o, I no deh house o
ReplyDeleteMArried Saints come out! I'm still single and i dont see anything wrong with it, or maybe for now...
ReplyDeleteNice one,,,,let me read comments fr married pple
ReplyDeleteEven though I'm not yet married, when the time comes, I wouldn't just abandon or dump my friends just because I'm married.
ReplyDeleteIt boils down to the kinda friends one keeps and how many they are. I don't do band wagons. Personally, I have very few close friends that I hang out with. After marriage, I Wil still hangout with the females after all sooner or later they too will get married n d friendship Wil still continue. The in-thing is keeping it on the minimum. We can't go all wild as before, but we'll still hv reasonable fun as friends.
NOTE: il keep them as far from my hubby as possible. Not lik I don't trust dem o. But dey are humans n I don't wanna gv d devil a chance to tempt them. I'm nice like that.
For d male close friends, well, d most I can do for them is relate via social network n calls, attend their functions, n stuffs like that. Til they too get married n our families probably become friends.
Moderation is the keyword.
When u have good friends,I mean it's ridiculous to even think about "dumping" dem....as in ..I even felt soo somehow saying this sef...."dumping"
ReplyDeleteI have bn blessed wit good friends and almost all ma friends come from way back.ma besties,d 4 of dem,we meet in d Juniorate and d oda 3,as soon as I left d Juniorate.and dey were all still single wen I got married.though two married an month and two months after I did.
The other one,remains unmarried and till date we r still besties.u dont wanna see us together cos boo is cray.I am a learner where her cray is...LMAO
She is a wonderful girl and I love her.matter of fact,she is ma first daughter's GoD-Mom.
shout out to u Ma Babe(days wot I call her) lol
And yea she reads dis blog.....
*cough cough* was advised to "ditch" ma friends wen I got married....by some aunts giving that after wedding "unsolicited" advice....
I was livid!
buh dey made sense(judging from d stories I have heard)
Buh not for my kind of friends....
To You Babes,Cheers to all dese years....u guys rock!
Which juniorate? HIJC???
DeleteDdlj Enugu
DeleteExactly TGW. If u dumped ur friends when u got married, maybe, just maybe u know what u guys were up to in ur single days. #JusTSaying. Eg my cousin she knows what they did together. She tells me. So, like TGW said no "friend" can dump me. Na me go 1st dump u.
DeleteWait wait, you mean daughters of divine love juniorate Abakpa Nike Enugu?
DeleteHmmmm
you don't say.
Ada nnewi did u attend hickory?
DeleteHIJC
DeleteYes Mrs CJ.
DeleteWhere u there as well? Lol
My closest female frend is married n we still rock though nt like wen she's single. She let's anyone who cares t knw dt am d very best of frend she's Eva had. I dnt think ppl shud do away wt dia frends bcos dey hv left d singles club except such frendship is posing a threat t dia marriage.
ReplyDeleteOk o.Let the comments start rolling.
ReplyDeleteA girl is married!
ReplyDeleteIf I was d single friend,
I would give her privacy!
I won't visit or call her to visit unnecessarily!
I would prefer she calls me herself!
I would even avoid the husband like plague
I wouldn't wanna involve myself in their lives!
Unless I'm being called upon!
BlackBerry,thanks 4 this comment.This is exactly what I would do.I won't wait 4 the friend to start avoiding me before I give her space.Some men can be funny,anytime the wife misbehaves,they'll say it's the unmarried friend that is teaching her.So I'll just maintain my lane,except it's necessary.
Deleteu are just like me. my bestie got married last yr and she's been begging me to come spend like a week with them in enugu. i stay in lag. the only time i will go there is when she gives birth as she's pregnant. we still communicate like before but she's starting to form holy.
DeleteDis post wl be interesting
ReplyDeleteGood topic stella.
ReplyDeleteI've got some female frnds who thought they won a jackpot aftr dey got married, hence strted forming what I dnt knw.. The dates, hangouts automatically stopped. Their attitudes just changed overnight. I didnt understand it initially until I listend to Toke Makinwa's vlog on dis same topic. But seriously, I dnt knw why ladies do this. Men still roll with dia oldies evn aftr marriage xcept mayb d wife isn't comfy with it. But we ladies, once they gt married, they strt forming married women kparakpo. It's nt nice tho. I know me well, I hav some loyal frnds tho who still wana hookup & invite me to dia houses but I knw how to respect mysef well, so I jus giv xcuses sometimes & stay my lane to avoid stories dat touch. .I knw me too will be married this 2015 & I pray nt to treat my single frnds with contempt.
As for keeping male frnds aftr marriage, if my huzzy isn't comfy with it and/or the relatnship with that frnd of mine poses a threat to my marriage, i'll simply avoid him or delete all contact so I won't be tempted to calll/chat. Shikena!
Gbam! Very irritating kparakpo..
DeleteSome ladies tho
Amen to your prayers. God will give you your own husband. Some friends are really pathetic.i have experienced disregard and indirect insult frm a married friend. I cut her off after that.
DeleteActually they ddnt dump you or gave you attitude,marriage isn't easy dear..and no one wants to come and start telling their friends whom is suposed to be green eyed how things aren't as smooth,so they avoid you.hubby could be a monster,your babe could be having difficulty in child bearing or inlaws wahala..there is always something to hide so you don't see it. I can assure you they are lonely most times but can't contact you for fear u might want to come over and see things for yourself. So they run. Hehehe,they run!that's looking at it from one point of view though.
DeleteL Green,u rite.Marriage ain't dat easy dear.Remember wen i married,ws consumed wit tots of nt getting preggy,unemployed n all,wen d kids came,ws 1 activity after d other.Its rili nt hw u chicks think it sometimes.
DeleteBlog Addict you are so right@married women kparakpo.i get them plenty.hahaha
DeleteLol at kparapo
Delete@lush green, u are so right. I'm newly married and our problems has been back to back. These are not things I can discuss with my friends cos they won't understand and apparently I have to protect my new family. But my friends don't get it, they think I've developed attitude.... I'm trying to accommodate and put a balance cos I do not want to lose them either.
DeleteDis post wl be interesting
ReplyDeletePost ihns nah, e na ako ogologo akuko!
ReplyDeleteLmao
DeleteRotfl
DeleteBuhahahahahahahaha!
DeleteCrazy Anon 13:22
I'm still single and some of my friends are married, after the wedding na bye bye oh. Our friendship will continue but I keep it somewhat formal, call once in a bluemoon to check on them. Rarely visit, cos what's there to gist about? While I'm talkin about bf you'll be talkin about DH, if her DH should overhear our Convo next will be "I don't want to see that ur friend here again" they always call me to tell me I'm a bad friend cos I don't visit them but my people it's better oh. That's how one of my married friends called to tell me her dh is out of town that I should come and take her out, in my mind I said "no be me and u" told her I'm very busy with school. If I hear am!
ReplyDeleteI still hang out with my friends, my husband does nt ve problems wit me hanging out wit dem, wat I did was made my friends kn dat dey cannot com visiting during weekends coz husby wil b arnd and dats the only time we get to spend togeda wit d kids, so no frnds. I also mk sure not to discuss about my family too much wen am arnd my single frnds, I avoid telling dem about my kids terrific attitudes bcoz dey won't get d gist n derz no point boring dem wit it. In all, my frnds ve been awesome, dey always com to my rescue if need be financially, and I also mk sure I reciprocate weneva d need arises too.
ReplyDeleteWhy distance yourself from single ladies who will get married soon. When I got married I only had single friends who are like sisters by the way. They will always come over to my place and talk about bf issue and sometimes my husband will be the one to advice them. now 2 are married, 1 is getting married in the 2nd quater and the last one well, we waiting on brother to propose. Now my husband says I am their godmother on marriage matters because they always seek my advice. As for male friends, my husband doesn't want them so I respect his decision as he doesn't have female friends as well.
DeleteI'm nt married bt i keep my distance frm my male frnds once dey get married.for those i'm close to,i'm closer to their wives.
ReplyDeleteStella you for start the discussion with yourself oo. I always like it when you give your own opinion whether good or bad.
ReplyDeleteI'm 23 and "recently engaged. I have a friend who got married @20 while we wer in school & anytime she calls me, she only talks about her husband & how God will give me my own husband! Got tired of hearing it everytime cz it's not like her marriage is even sweet.....there's nothing der for me to admire sef! I had to dump her ass biko. That u're married doesn't make u better than ur single friends
ReplyDeleteMy dear, it's same here o
DeleteI'm 23 now although not in any relationship, I'm just loving myself and being the best I can. (Marriage not a priority) but my married friends won't let me be.
Each time I visit them, they wanna know who I'm dating, if he has proposed, when he will propose... they just don't stop telling me how marriage is sweet and how single girls are missing out.
Dear married woman, please enjoy your marriage and your friends be.
I've got a small circle of friends from high school,and just few from university.amongst my friends 3 of them are married,we still mingle and talk like we used to.I do visit them and sleep over at times.so for me,I'll say,my married friends still entertain me.maybe cos of the kind of relationship we have.high school friends are the best.we were all in boarding school,more like sisters,went through thick and thin together,we communicate often.if I do get married before the others,its going to be the same way.#thickasthieves#
ReplyDeleteAm still friends with all my married galfriends but i try as much not to intrude,that way respect is shown
ReplyDeleteI hv more male frends than female frends; I distance mysef as soon as dey get married cos I dnt want any daughter of eve coming close t man wen we r married in d name of frendship.
ReplyDeleteMost(if not all) of my close friends are married...am still as close to them as ever...d only difference is dat we don't hang out late as much as before cos I don't encourage a married man not spending quality time wit his family...any1 am dating is alwz my bestfriend @ every point in time,just need friends to hang out wit once in a while or wen there's a function,we cld all meet n have a nice time...oda dan dat,make everybody bear him papa name
ReplyDeleteWell it all depends on indviduals invloved,as for me, am still friends with my married girlfriends. I visit them and we still mingle like friends we ve always been. Though some avoid singles because they feel they want to save their marriage.
ReplyDeleteit al depends on who the friend is
I still keep mine but the time to visit is the problem
ReplyDeleteI had a friend whom I was so close to so I thought till she got married and stopped picking my calls and when I asked she said "I shouldn't be offended that we can't be friends again" I felt so so bad I even cried just cause I was single then. A year and some months later I got married and sent her an invite she texted and prayed for me. That's how she started calling. Now i have a baby who is 2months older than her own baby. She now calls me almost daily to ask for tips about babies saying she wants to come and visit. Though I've forgiven her but I didn't act the same way to my single friends cause I know how it hurts and I don't see them as a threat. Though everything should have limitations be it married friends or single friends.
ReplyDeleteThen sorry to say...she's not worth the friendship! Marriage should not define who a person is. If your single friend was a conniving demon whore before you got married or on the flip side, a good human being, one would hope they are who they are even after you get married. Majority of my close friends are married but we still remain close even if we don't see as often. And that's because we have all grown up and have commitments. To me when they get married, their hubbies become my "bro-in-laws/brothers" so there is zero room for jealousy of any kind. They even ask after me from wifey when they don't see or hear of me for a bit or see me at family functions because they know first and foremost I got their wife u'd back. Oh well...interesting perspectives all around though.
DeleteAs a single lady,i try as much as possible to stay away from my married friends.they tend to be boring,no fun at al,only things they talk abt is how their husbands prefer this meal,baby dramas ,developmental milestones and inlaws stuffs.I made this decision cos 2 of my friends who got married first were just acting up making it look like been married,u av won a jackpot.Imagine! So I had to advice my self cos I don't want anybody to insult me.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to "dump" your friends because they are not married if they are the cool and calm types. Naturally a gap will be created because your spouse and kids will take much of your time and attention, thereby leaving little time for friends.
ReplyDeleteExactly...and assuming (and hoping) said single friend has a life of their own...it should not be a problem!
DeleteNothing has really change with my female friends. We just don't hang out like we use 2. Or gist like we do b4.
ReplyDeleteStella I have been dumped and abandoned by my married friend o. I was always there for this lady when the going was not too good for her. When this my so called friend had serious issue with this guy before the got married, I did everything within my reach to talk sense into his head. Can you believe my friend got married and kept a distance from me. hahaha. She now became close to my married cousin whom she knew through me. To cut long story short, this my so called friend gave birth. I went to visit her with my sister with babies gift. left it with her with my innocent mind. Went back some months later to see how they are doing because I love children well well. Lo and behold this lady brought out those gifts I gave to her and pointed out faults on the gift. She requested I take the gift back and give it to another person. Stella I was mad. Imagine me. What on earth will I do with the gift I gave to an innocent child.. Poison it or what?. Oh my God. I simply asked her to throw them away. To say I spent my hard earned money to buy that gift for the little child is an understatement. Stella, I become a witch because I never marry nor get pikin. Its alright. God dey heaven.
ReplyDeleteEyaaaa...
DeletePele...,,
Looooooolest..,,
Awwwww....
Deletethis just made me sad....
come take a hug dear.
u Wil soon be married and not just dat.a very good man shall locate u before u know it.and u Wil be d happiest wife ever....amen.
Our in-law Wil be soo good,soo faithful and soo rich.
our Raw silk George asoebi Wil be free of charge....
ur daughters shall be more beautiful Dan my own daughters and u two shall live happily ever after....amen.
Amen and Amen
DeleteAnon, her husband has referenced u in one'f their quarells and probably asked her to be like u...
DeleteDts y she's mad with u and u are now a threat to her!
It's bad sha, Buh dust it off n move on k?
Dis year is ur year
DeleteYour friend has "issues". Wow....
DeleteMost single ladies feels their married friends changed becos they are married, but i have come to realise that is not a thing of levels have changed but is responsibility that changed. You get married, have kids, work, career path, family member all asking for d same thing attention, how will you cope. They must be a change in ur life you cannot attend to everyone. Am married and dont even hv time for my married friends let alone single ones. Such is life.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend whom I was so close to so I thought till she got married and stopped picking my calls and when I asked she said "I shouldn't be offended that we can't be friends again" I felt so so bad I even cried just cause I was single then. A year and some months later I got married and sent her an invite she texted and prayed for me. That's how she started calling. Now i have a baby who is 2months older than her own baby. She now calls me almost daily to ask for tips about babies saying she wants to come and visit. Though I've forgiven her but I didn't act the same way to my single friends cause I know how it hurts and I don't see them as a threat. Though everything should have limitations be it married friends or single friends.
ReplyDeleteWow...you're nice. Would have told her to F off!
DeleteI have both single and married friends, i'm not dumping anyone after marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf they choose to go, fine.
Why dumped your single friends because they are single? Doesn't make sense.
As for male friends? What does a married woman need male friends for, if they're not colleagues...she doesn't need them.
Taking a cue from experience shows that its never right to keep your single friends after marriage. Come to think of it, what are you going to be discussing? you want to be filling her head with escapades of hubby and kids? naturally, she'll get jealous. Its human nature. But for the matured ones, some can take the heat.
ReplyDeleteWell some friends actually stop hanging around u for reasons best known to them. It has even happened to me b4 where a friend of mine didnt allow me into her home. But some dont mind cos i still have married friends who would let me into their homes and sleep over.
ReplyDeleteSo its just different strokes.
I'm beginning to think Nigerian women (especially) do not know what REAL FRIENDSHIP is!
ReplyDeleteI'm reading most of these comments with my mouth wide open!!!!
WTF!!!! REALLY!?
somebody said that after wedding ceremony they dont call their friends agin...wow. sorry, but you were never a friend!
Another person said that she still chats to her friends but wont discuss her children with them because they wont understand!.....wow!!! Your ignorance astounds me!
I was soooo happy to see that somebody else said the complete opposite and that she made her single friend God Mother to one of her children.
Married women, what were you doing with your single friends that you can not do now that you are married?
Sounds like somebody has snakes in their cupboards to me.
You all make it sound as though being single is morally wrong and shameful and you dont want to be near it now that you are married in case you catch their disease/
And to the person that said her married friend called her to take her out as her husband was away....what the hell is wrong with that! she is home alone and bored and called for some company, your reaction sounds as though she had asked you to go on a murder mission with her!!!!
Simply going out for a meal or the movies is fine!!!!
You Nigerian women are never true to yourself. How does it feel living a constant lie all your lives!?
You pretend you are somebody else in order to get married...now married you now pretend to be another person and snob those that used to be your friends because they are single.
Only in Nigeria I hear of such rubbish!
If I cant have you near my husband, then you are certainly not my friend! so to those saying they wont let their friends near their husbands...think about that. Think about who you are actually calling your friends. And whilst you do that, also remember the popular saying....birds of the same feather flock together.
U said it all
DeleteGoooosh... I love you for this comment, can we be friends plsssssss?
DeleteMy son has 2godmothers both single, one getting married in 2nd qtr. I dont joke with my friends. The one who is getting married soon came all the way from lag to see me when I put to bed and not only that, she communicated with me for about 4hours when I put to bed so that I dont fall asleep. Long story. If you get married before your friends, teach them about marital life, mistakes you made so they dont make it in theirs.
DeleteOh wow an anonymous wants to be friends with me, another anonymous :-)
DeleteIf that was a serious request, drop your email addy and i'll give you a shout.
I could kiss you for your comments but Errr...you know cooties and all. Lol...I keed. Seriously though, you rock as you have assuaged the utter disbelief I had reading these comments. Glad to see there are decent women out there who understand the meaning of friendship and are secure in themselves. Nice honnay!
DeleteI like "the observers" comment lool.
ReplyDeleteI never intended to leave some of my married frds,it just happened wen u realise u ve no choice,m talking from experience,my single frds take delight from wen I m nt happy in my marriage nd ve issues wit my husband,i realised only d married ones encourage me,telling me to be patient nd tolerant dat theirs wasn't different dat my hubby will change,i learnt to confide more on d married ones cos they give better advise,while d unmarried ones just mock me,if u were in my position Wat type of frd would u keep? D one dat can teach u how to build ur home or d one dat makes u think u had made a mistake marrying ur hubby???
ReplyDeleteHas nothing to do with them being "married " or "single" darling but the caliber of friends they are/were. I'm single and most of my close friends are married. When my friends got married, I took their husbands to be my de facto "bro-in-laws". They became family so to me I can't even think of having any kind of nonsense "feelings" towards them. My friends even share or rang to me about the problems and I give them the best advice I can. One of my friends even wanted to stray and was on the verge off and I warned her sternly not try ish like that because she at least saw something good in her hubby before she decided to take those vows and she should try and find it and stop looking elsewhere. My point is...a good/decent person is a good/decent person...likewise a shitty human being. Married doesn't (or shouldn't) change who they are...unless they are/were pretending. Shikena!
Deletethe only reason why a married woman will leave his unmarried female friends is because of the kind of life they must have lived while they were single. period.
ReplyDeleteAm not yet married,so let me read comment
ReplyDeleteI have kept them and taken it upon myself to get them hooked ;-) i mean, what are friends for? lol! on a more serious note though, i think a good friend is a good friend, irrespective of whether they are single or married....so, no, i do not discard friends because they are single and i am married...that isn't cool...but it gets a bit awkward when you aren't at the same stage in life...but real friendships get past that eventually...
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly...the only thing I would ask though...but what exactly are these "stages" we all refer to??! But I guess I've always been tagged unconventional but these stages are society's dictates hence one thinking a "married" person is "higher" in life than a single person. I really don't understand it! Yeesh!
DeleteThe ppl who cut off their friends, adongerrit r u cutting em off cos they r single n will bring ur marriage badluck,or u r cutting em off cos there is nothing to talk abt?remember they r only unmarried,they aren't plagues.Furthermore,for those who do I can't let my friends come near my hubby,lemmi ask u,is it that ur DH is loose and cannot respect u bfor ur friends or is it that u always think so low of ur friends that u think they r that bad? Whichever one it is,u cud be living a lie n its only those single friends that cud open ur eye to d truth
ReplyDeleteGbizzam!
DeleteReally cici?
ReplyDeleteSmh
Personally i kept my single friends, of course one might get closer to the married ones eapecially when you are talking prenancy symptoms, teething, colour of poo lol etc but generally some of my closest friends are still single, i dont live at home anymore so we dont hang out but whenever i visit we sti do anyway in my opinion being married or not doesnt change who my friends are well except for the male friends i had before getting married those ones i don give gap
ReplyDeletePlease o...I have a question for the soon to be groom,this your email address;myhelperhascome...was it opened for the sole reason of seeking for help..
ReplyDeleteTo the bv who was born on 29th February. ..ur email made me laugh ehn,my sister has a friend that was born on that day,I always laugh at her that she gets to add a year to her age every 4years..lol. ...dont worry,you will find your birthday mates.
Anonymous 14:05,I agree with you. .anyone who values true friendship wouldnt do the things people are writing here..
ReplyDeleteHa!single friends are fun mehnnn.when you are married,you need them to give you updates on latest gist.i love my single friends abeg and won't dump them for no good reason.you are their confidant,their mentor and a positive influence in their life.As for my husband he no Kuku get friends(all his friends are social or business friends )abeg I love am like that.who has time to be cooking for any isi Aki friend,
ReplyDeleteNwanyi owerri
Am married but my best friend is single.we talk about everything.even my hubby calls her to say hello at tyms.what do u guys mean by u hv noting to talk about,dat means u were really not friends. if she's really ur friend den noting changes even after marraige.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Unless you all were hunters and now you've felled your prey you need to sit somewhere and feast, why distinguish single from married?
DeleteDid you sort and refuse gifts on your wedding day by the givers' marital status? And do you not realise what a gift friendship is?
Thank you! Unless you all were hunters and now you've felled your prey you need to sit somewhere and feast, why distinguish single from married?
DeleteDid you sort and refuse gifts on your wedding day by the givers' marital status? And do you not realise what a gift friendship is?
Your husband calls your friend to say hello? Hello that what? Any Hello he wants to say can wait till you are all together abeg. I'm in touch with all my friend single and married, male and female but my husband cannot call anybody except he has a real reason. Not just Hello. so far no reason has arisen. Hello nke muo ko nke madu. Mba o.
DeleteHubby should stop calling her o
DeleteOk. Don't know about them calling me just to say hello ooo....but yesssss...I really don't it. My close friend's hubbies know I'm the one they are calling to plan a surprise party or ask my opinion about something concerning her. One of them sometimes even before her younger sister....If they haven't seen me in a bit, them go ask. That's because they know I am their wifey's ace for life! Gosh! Peeps have trust issues mayne!
DeleteI don't know if the right word to use in this context is abandon.
ReplyDeleteI avoid my married acquaintances for the sole reason that their husbands usually hit on me.
So, i stay away from their marital homes|lives as far as possible.
There's no need for my married acquaintances to dump me, because most times i already ousted myself from the friendship.
I refuse to be the reason someone's marriage gets broken.
BitchBiko.
what is it about you that your friends husbands want to sleep with you. You need to check yourself.
DeleteIt all depends on the kind of people you call friends one good thing about GOD towards the marriage preparation you should know who to keep as single friends,he will open up some things about them for you to know.Most single girls are filled with envy,bitterness,jealousy and backbiting and thats why some dont even know why they are single till frustration. With a good heart for a friend getting married nothing stops you from being blessed with your own soulmate .On the contrary, ladies should open their eyes and stop being friends with a jealous and backbiting single girlfriend for it will take her nowhere but disaster in her marriage.
ReplyDelete"Most single girls are filled with envy,bitterness,jealousy and backbiting and thats why some dont even know why they are single till frustration."
DeleteBut you do know what you said is a gross generalisation. If you had said some, but you said MOST. It would be remiss of me to assume most married women are regretful pretenders who persistently stay in sham marriages "for the sake of the kids" and not because they are truly happy and are constantly cheating. Same you should assume most single girls are bitter blah blah blah. There are actually some very content single ladies you know.
Stella I keep away from my friends once they re married, no beef, no attitude but just a personal decision.
ReplyDeletemarriage is just a change in status not change in common sense nao
ReplyDeletei keep all my friends though am not the visiting type before before but i do wen i have time and we chat mostly
even visted one of my male friends recently hubby was livid
i replied that i met the guy before him and he asked me out so if na him i wanted i wont have accepted ur rings nao
i got married first out of all my cliques so we still gist and still do cray cray but then the time sef no dey
but i dont like unnecesary frapapa cos you are married and they are not i friendship is more than that
I am shocked at these comments. I've been married 5 years and it has never crossed my mind to desert my single friends. I never even knew there were married women who dumped their single friends when they get married! Single, married, divorced, baby mama, in a complicated relationship....I don't care. Marital status isnt a personality trait and I tend to bond with people cos of their personality. It must help that I'm a strong willed person and I'm not easily influenced too.
ReplyDeleteMy dear....I thought it was just me. I know some people, even when they just get a boyfriend...poof! No take light! It's when dude does her dirty you'll be getting phone calls at 11pm crying talking bout dude is driving you crazy....weird! Yeah...true story. As said, one has to be self-assured and never lose yourself to anyone!
DeleteI have a friend that's married now and I try to chat with her but anytime we chat, she's always telling me to go and married and that I'm getting old but I take it as a joke most times. she says its like she can't continue being my friend cos of dat so I just leave her make she dey her lane...
ReplyDeletei just hate people like that, as if we will all get married at the same time.My dear ,it is not how far but how well.
Deletemy own opinion don't keep hanging around friends when you are married. you can never know too much of anyone. you think you know someone but one day the person throws in a surprise which makes us human.even your spouse; you sometimes feel that you dont know him or her.then i strongly believe in that adage of our forefathers that it is only someone you know that will kill you.since time nemorial .example Caesar was killed by brutus.Jesus was sold out by his own and denied by his right hand man peter .then men naturally are animals and have high libidos. so just like a rat; don't deliberately keep fish for it.is better he is the one that finds the fish by himself than you being the one that gave it to him on a platter of gold.my family is my life so I will not call in temptation when its sleeping. don't want stories that touch.
ReplyDeleteThank you jare. I was surprised by a friend few months ago. Story for another day. My very close pals are still single, old friends from way back but are getting married one after the other
DeleteHi ladies! When ur friends are made in Abuja and you get married Abeg dump dem Abuja girls r home breakers and bunch of sadist among den.
ReplyDeleteBuahahahaa! Geographical location....a new dimension to it. I feel you. The ish that goes down in Lag especially among the so-called "1%". Hmmmm....but I hear Abuja is pretty bad too. Smh!
DeleteNice topic2 debate on.
ReplyDeleteMe dnt rilly av a ride or die frnd. Just me&my fam. Then a few frnds who graduated in my set. We only role frm a distance( ie mainly on social platforms&most of dem re married.
Note these single sisters wud still gt married smday,so I treat dem wt respect.
My DH is my best friend and i am his best friend. He is possessive and doesn't want moi keeping friends. I am used to it.
ReplyDeleteTMI Da UYI
ReplyDeleteYou are wrong.
What's there to talk about? ermmmmmmm, How about career, food, new recipes, politics and what's going on in the country, asking her about her own relationships and advising her, God and Godly things, Church, children, business ideas, managing money, TV shows that you both watch, the internet, celebrities.......
I could go on and on.
One of my friends dumped me after she got married. I was her maid of honour o lol.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! The funniest thing is my innards won't even bring me to see their hubbies "like that". I remember once one of my married close friends an I were gist about something and long and short she mentioned her hubby's ass was first and hard. I gave her this look like ewwww and I said Errr...why would I want to know that. Yuck! She might as well have said it was my brother she was talking about! So for me I never understand peeps who say they keep their friends far away from hubby so there is no story. Unless y'all know how you used to "run" when u were still single...*wink wink*
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the fuckery I'm reading here.
ReplyDeleteSo because one guy has out a ring on it, you suddenly develop a moral high.
What If he drops dead? You're single again!
What if he walks out? You're single again!
A good friend is a good friend, and that's it. A bad one, well that won't be a friend anymore.
To the single gals, enjoy it and don't envy married women. Trust me, you'd get the hang real soon.
To the married women, if being married is your last bus stop, you need a factory reset. Better enjoy your single friends before y'all become old cargo.
I'm married by the way!
Honestly you need to filter through your friends and know the good and the bad. Once you've done that babes we need our girls oh. Chai everybody has their place. Family, friends & husby!
ReplyDeleteLet them be only your onw,And not for strengers with you.Let your fountain be blessed,And rejoice with the wife of your youth.As a loving deer and a graceful doe,Let her breasts satisfy you at alltimes;Always be enrapture with her love. Proverb 5:17-19
ReplyDeleteNew king James version.
please cut off friends after married to avoid family problem and to obey the word of GOD
You are the best ma man...
ReplyDelete