Debuting the second batch of Saturday narrative......
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
DATING SOMEONE WITH DEPRESSION
Hi Stellz... Hope you are basking good?
I am an ardent reader of your blog and I have something bothering me, which I would like for you or your bvs to proffer solutions to the problem?
I have been dating this good man for some months now, but the thing I noticed about him is that he has depression issues and he has this unsure way of talking about his future. Okay, for further details, he finished with a 3rd class, but he is working in an office where he earns not up to 200k per month. His saving skills are poor and he is always talking about things he should have done in the past. Am not worried that he is kind of broke, am just skeptical about this depression thing, knowing fully well he is in his late 30s and I am in my early 20s.. Should I take a walk? Should I keep on encouraging him? Will he change? He is talking about marrying me, which I am not convinced about ATM.. Please your sincere advice is needed. Thanks/Kisses...
Keep on encouraging him but please do not marry him yet,his mind is not groomed to go into marriage yet.he needs to purge his mind of his failures.
Marriage is not yam that boils easily!
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NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
MARRIAGE PUT ON HOLD BECAUSE OF MOTHER IN LAW...
Hi Stella, thought about this for a long time and still can't reach a conclusion, please help me.
Ok, so I have a fiancé and he's really nice and wants us 2 get married this year but there is a major problem being that his elder sister isn't married yet and his mum has been begging him not to get married before her, she says it will make her look old.
when I got introduced to the parents, after sometime the mum called me and begged me to please give his sister time before I get married to her son, we really love each other, its like we are meant to be but if we get married i'm scared his mum may start hating me. my problem is, his elder sister never even goes out to meet people, she can stay in the house 4 a whole year and not go out, sometimes he even pays for her to go out but for where, I feel it's because her parents are rich and they make her very comfortable.
My fiancé is so frustrated and so is everyone else, the thing is, now he says he wants me to get preggy so the marriage can happen but I don't want pregnancy before marriage although I want to get married too. now he's saying I don't love him enough and I'm not willing to make sacrifices, to me I feel getting preggy will help us get married but suffer afterwards because I feel his mother will hate me and what is worse than having a mother-in law that doesn't like you. We are both very young and I don't feel there's any rush but he feels he will loose me if we don't get married, i've assured him countless times but he says I wouldn't understand.
I am going for service this year and he wants me to serve in the same state and live with him but I can't because we aren't married yet. I need advice, It's really killing me because there's not much I can do without hurting anyone, i'm caught in the middle.
Wow!!.let me read comments,this isnt easy.
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NARRATIVE NUMBER THREE
ABORTING A FOETUS BECAUSE OF GENOTYPE
Good day Stella,
please i need your candid advice on this issue.
I got married two years ago and we are blessed with one baby boy who just clocked one.Few weeks to my delivery when i was asked to go for a genotype type at the hospital that i was using for antenatal i discovered that i am AS and hubby is AS too. when our baby clocked one i went to check the genotype and blood group and he is also AS and O+.Glory be to God for that because i was already weeping even before the result out as it took longer than usual.
The problem now is i just discovered that i am 4 weeks pregnant and i am scared because of the genotype issue. i made inquiry about at the sickle cell center at idi araba and i was told i can know the genotype of my fetus at 12 weeks. The amount is quite expensive to do the test and hubby is suggesting i go for an abortion which i am scared of doing because i have never done such before.
I just wish i had not made this silly mistake. God have mercy on me. i do not pray to bury any of my children. CRYING BITTERLY.
Getting pregnant again was a stupid thing to do after you got lucky the first time BUT the deed has been done,please i beg you in GODS NAME,DO NOT TOUCH THAT CHILD GROWING INSIDE YOU...
If you are not lucky again after the babys birth,then live with the consequences.I pray a miracle your way in Jesus name....
Hey Stella bae/korks ... I have really missed you. Will be back later to read the narratives.
ReplyDeleteThe chances of the 1st two children being SS is very very slim. Ask people with this same prob...don't abort, however, look for money and do that test. You just might be lucky to have an AS child again.
DeleteBLOG ANALYSER: @n1 take Stella's advice @2 don't get pregnant biko, u pple shuld find a way for her to get in to a relationship @3 it is well, God will do it for u. Go on ur kneels
DeleteLol @ marriage is not yam that boils easily
DeletePoster 3 the truth is that when you have a child with SS you would understand and regret not aborting not to save u but also to help the child because he wld blame you for life. Check the genotype and abort it's only when u meet parents or siblings of SS that you would understand
DeletePoster #2: how old are you, your fiancé and his sister? You did mention you two are very young. I have a feeling the ages will help us understand clearer. Age is SOMETHING more than a number. What does he mean by you will leave him and when you reassure him he tells you, you wouldn't understand? WHAT will you not UNDERSTAND? A man that wants to marry you badly because he is afraid you might leave him for someone else if he doesn't isn't a good sign. I would watch out for that. Seems you both have some tweakings to do before walking down the aisle.
DeletePoster#1: please don't marry him. . .yet. He needs to find successful friends and hang with them often. Also get involved in weekday church services. The word of God has a way of making us understand the tactics of the enemy. These things will help boost his self esteem.
Poster#3: I don't believe in destroying that which I cannot create. So I think your best option is seeking God to perform a miracle like he did with your first. Maybe also sending an email for financial assistance to do the test at 12weeks?
Reading things
DeleteDont get preggers P2... Serve in his state thou.
DeleteHmmm poster 2. Please pray abt d issue.Both of u pray together. Then ur fiance should go over to his parents house and have a heart to heart talk with her.. Let him tell her she's causing u guys pain.. And dt nobody's destiny is d same...even siblings.. He should just talk. Make her see reasons.. How long will u guys wait? If after all,she's stl adamant, abeg go ahead and marry... Just make sure ur hubby is d one in d fore front not u...even when d mum calls u to beg, tell her u've bn trying to convince him but he said no.. Plz don't get pregnant. He shud brave up and be a man and stand up to them and do what he wants. Tkr
ReplyDeleteI will just read comments
ReplyDelete@poster1 : dis is the time he needs u,encourage n help him get out of his depressing mood
Delete@poster2 : ur case is dicey,and I don't think d lady in question is even ready to settle down. Please get pregnant and settle down jare Inukwa wait 4 someone dats not serious.
@poster3: didn't u n ur hubby go 4 genotype b4 getting married.
Mehn Stella,this 3 are much....
ReplyDeleteOk, where do I start from??...
Poster2,you can't continue waiting for your sister inlaw that is not ready to settle down...
Grab your man,make love to him and get pregnant jare....remember there are 1 million girls waiting for this opportunity that you have.....
Forget your mum in law,her time don pass...
Do your thing and don't listen to anybody...
Poster 1,
Take a walk...
Don't ever think of getting married to this person abeg....
Poster 3,
So you didn't go for genotype test before getting married...
Hmmmmm....don't bring a child to this world to suffer....
Caring for a suckler is not beans...ask around...
Please abort the child biko....
This is my opinion,don't come under my comment to tell me how abortion is a sin...
I know that already...., sin is sin... Kpomkwem ....
Nne,d way I love you and your comments eh....you be madam hooo haaa.lol.Anyway,to the matters at hand,Poster 1,I don't know what to tell you honestly.
DeletePoster 2,try and talk to you MIL,let her know that you understand where she's coming from,but that she should also see reasons with you.Talk to the sister in question,let her know how her actions are affecting you,she should stop being selfish and let you both marry if she's not yet ready to settle down biko.
Poster 3,abeg....don't mind Stella,I have twop cousins who are sicklers,trust me the only reason why they are still alive today is cuz they are abroad.One of my mom's friends had 5 kids,three out of the five were sicklers,and note that I used 'were',cuz they all DEAD now.And I also used to think one could outgrow it,but they all died as adults.My dear,from your writeup,it doesn't seem like you and your hubby are financially bouyant,and trust me,it takes a whole lot to take care of a sickler,it ain't easy at all.Don't ever make the mistake of bringing a sickled child into this world,you will ever regret it.Abortion is a sin,but there are times when it's the only option.Be wise.
Linda Eze you dey craze ooooo. LOL
DeleteI love you die! A thousand likes for your comments, you re the only REAL person here, others na fake n hypos.
DeleteNk4Christ
Linda i disagree with u..Telling her to abort is being insensitive..we are talking about huma being here..Caring for a sickler is not beana true true but living with guilt for aborting dat baby will be worse..D baby might turn out to be AS or AA..U can never know..Never advice someone to abort..Its not good biko..Let her suffer and raise dat child..No be to open legs collect prick be d issue,na to bear d consequences be d koko.
DeleteThe boss of this blog, abeg chop knuckle joor! Love your suggestions esp poster 3, biko go for abortion if baby is SS. Biko make we try go for genotype to avoid such pains in our marriages. Goodluck to all.
DeleteAll this people that advice others "don't listen to anybody" beware of how u recieve advice from them. How can u tell a human being not to listen to anybody, this case is too sensitive. If her mother in law dislikes her eventually, will u be there to help a young, pregnant frustrated wife? My sister, ur husbands loyalty lies with u and his mom and no matter how much he loves you, he won't like u to disrespect her! Tread wisely. Tell ur guy to explain to his mom that the sister should make effort, and that you can wait for only 3 months at least! Serve in the same state if that's what it will take. Your decision to wait a while shows ur a wise woman, keep it up
DeleteSorry to do this dear but i will have reply to you...truth is i get you, i really do...but im SS and i ask myself (im 31yrs old) , would i have been better off aborted? My answer, despite d painful episodes n near death experiences is NO. I am happy to be alive...i do not blame my parents and i am happy...I guess when you get the fact that there are no mistakes with God, you accept your circumstances and live against all odds. Sickle cell is not a death sentence...doesnt always end in death ( i am living proof) and so y sentence ur baby to death when d giver of life hasn' t?
DeleteYou didn't go for test before marriage? Hmm
ReplyDeleteSo what makes u feel that baby wouldn't be AA?
Where are thou faith?
So couples with AS genotype have just a kid?
Something is telling me dat d baby will turn out to be AA..God is a miracle worker oh.
DeleteOkay.......
ReplyDeletePoster 2. I was in the same situation. My hubby to be is the 2nd born/ middle child. He has an older sister and a younger brother. We planned together to get pregnant and have a baby to speed up our marriage. The main reason I agreed was because my mum n her family always spoil my chances when I bring home a guy they tell him bad things about me or threaten him behind my back n the guys breaks up with me. So I never took my boo home. I told him everything about me n agreed to the pregnancy thing. Let me tell u I faced the pregnancy alone my boo's father did not take the news of my pregnancy easy. I was abandoned by my boo and his fam. Tho my boo called me everyday and sent me money when he could. I did not see him thought out the whole pregnancy. The day on my sons naming was the day his sis got married. My son is 6 months and he has seen him once his mum n dad av not seen my son but me n his lil bro are besties. My boo begged me everyday to have patience that he will sort everything this year. This year we are getting married but babe all I faced I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteTo think his mum n dad loved me during our bf n gf days o talk less of ur mother inlaw begging u to let the daughter get married first.
So babe no try am o, I don talk my own
Wow! Scary! God help me.
DeleteNa wah oh..Did i just read dat ur mom and her family are spoiling ur name at ut back? Are u sure she is ur mom?
DeleteThe problem is your boo. He isn't man enough. why should a parent tell an adult what to do? Seriously, he has a Lotta growing up to do. How will he even handle being a husband and a father? Or do his parents still feed and house him? Cuz I don't just get this gist.
DeleteShe is my mum o
DeleteWetting I for do Na my cross, Na so I dey bear am.
N2 I repeat DONT DO IT.
You will be the one to carry the baby not him. You will never understand until you are pregnant, I have been there so don't do it until he puts a ring on it.
sure his lil bro is not your baby's daddy?
DeleteNo he is not o Irene, he was the only one that was there for me when I was preggers. My baby was born on his birthday my due date. So he loves his nephew like kilode.
DeleteIRENE B You have a comprehension problem and you are incredibly stupid!
DeleteCome on Irene.. What kind of question is that..
DeleteGod bless you Amaka! Imagine the stupid question...
DeleteN1, walk away from him biko .for how long do you want to keep encouraging him? A man in his late thirties that can't take charge of his life. I don't have the patience joor.
ReplyDeleteN2, if you love your fiance, then you would go along with his proposition considering the circumstances.
If it will make you feel better, the two of you can quietly have a registry wedding with just two of your closest friends present as witness. Then you can go ahead with your plans of getting preggy.
If you decide to wait for your fiance's sister, you might end up not getting married.
N3, if I were you, i'll wait for the 12 weeks test. The amount you will spend on taking care of a sickle cell is no small thing. So think twice.
My friend secretly snuck off to wed a guy she's dated for years in a registry because her folks didn't like his denomination..
DeleteHe died last year...
His folks are not aware she was a Wife,her parents think she just lost a suitor..She can't mourn openly...
But in the eyes of the law she is a widow.
@poster.be wise!
Think of yourself first! If you were comfortable with everything your boyfriend suggested,you won't be here in the first place!
What is he sacrificing? His sperm?
What about if you have issues in his family tomorrow? Won't he hide behind your apron as usual?
The intense hate you are avoiding from his mom will still come if you get preggie.
Let him handle this issue while you step aside!
That's a sensible reply but love is not all about fun and games. Love is sacrifice. That's why Jesus died on the cross, yes love is that deep. We all mistake love for convenience, and that's totally wrong.
DeleteMadam first narrator:- from your story I see that the elder sister is making Zero effort at meeting the opposite sex,, maybe she isn't interested at all in marriage, maybe she's had a bad experience she don't want to disclose to her family, should I suggest sending her to a counselor? She might feel comfortable and open up! As for you and your boo, it's up to how long you would be willing to wait for his sister.. a mother in-law that will hate you will always find reasons to. So, bothering about her hating you later is pointless. My elder bro suggested pregnancy to his now wife because her parents refused his proposal to marry her saying he wasn't a member of their church, even after he offered to join the church to enable them get married her parents still refused.. the next year when their daughter announced she was pregnant the family prepared everything about the marriage in less than 4 months.. lol. So darling, if you trust him enough then it's worth taking the gamble. Good luck! And keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteSpot on! But then everyone has their own unique experiences, what worked for the goose may not work for the gander. The real deal is if she is ready too take the plunge!
DeleteWhat do you feel at the bottom of your heart? Will you be able to bear the consequences and accept full responsibility if any action you take backfire?
N1: Pls, stand by him, let him know people are bound to make mistakes nd several People are not proud of their pasts but just av to let go in order to be happy. I think he needs to work on his confidence level.
ReplyDelete@ poster 3,,go & sow a seed in d life of dat baby u are carryg,,as u are sowing tel God what u want,,sow in d life of a little baby with genotype AA & see God work miracle in ur family,,,@ poster 2 tel ur boo to wait after ur service,who knows God mighty favour her sis,,@ poster 1 dont rush into marriage wiht dat man,,wait a little..
ReplyDelete@ poster 3,,go & sow a seed in d life of dat baby u are carryg,,as u are sowing tel God what u want,,sow in d life of a little baby with genotype AA & see God work miracle in ur family,,,@ poster 2 tel ur boo to wait after ur service,who knows God mighty favour her sis,,@ poster 1 dont rush into marriage wiht dat man,,wait a little..
ReplyDeleteCorrect,sow a seed and pray ,tell God wat u want n ur baby wud have d genotype u want
Delete@ poster 3,,go & sow a seed in d life of dat baby u are carryg,,as u are sowing tel God what u want,,sow in d life of a little baby with genotype AA & see God work miracle in ur family,,,
ReplyDeleteN2: your mother-In-law to be is a very selfish woman. Her son should talk to her again nd let her understand that the Sister's destiny is not tied to his. I also suggest a low-keyed wedding when she finally agrees. Pray very well, pls.
ReplyDeleteHmmm lemme read comment like stella sugar too
ReplyDeletePoster 3 pls check the genotype of the feotus before u determine the next step to take.. Before then start praying and sowing seed for your child.. Wwhatever you do pls dont bring in a sickler child into the world i have sickler siblings its not easy on the patient, parents and other siblings..
DeleteI saw a woman that came to TB Joshua's synagogue with her four children 2 boys and 2 girls all with yellow eyes, see her looking hagard from caring for them.. wen i asked her why she didnt go for tests she said her friend married AS and it didnt affect her kids so she went ahead.. needless to say she didnt hv my sympathy.
Poster One.. Let him tell his parents you are pregnant now and le,ts gauge their reaction.. if they give their approval then you can still go ahead to get pregnant.. If they object then you are in luck.
Poster 1:
ReplyDeleteIs he taking medication for his depression?
Was he clinically diagnosed?
Abi na you diagnose am?
An unmanaged depression patient is a time bomb.
Let him seek appropriate medical attention first.
Poster 2:
So your fiance is not man enough to confront his mum and the shenanigans going on in his family but he's man enough to impregnate you and use you as a pawn in his family's crazy chess game?
If the 2 of you are willing to wait for the sister whose wedding date is as unknown as the mathematical "x", go ahead and wait. But don't get pressurised into something you are not willing to do. You shouldn't be the only once making sacrifices.
Poster 3:
They decision issues between you and your husband o.
Whatever you do, sha make sure you dont bring an SS baby into this world. The poor child doesn't deserve it.
Very irresponsible of you and your husband not to know your respective genotype!
Lmao!
DeleteI was looking for where to perch until I read your ist comment.." na you diagnose am"lmao!!!!
Frankly speaking, poster one did not shed light on the depression problem..that he spends too much is not indication enough na..Or are there more instances?
A lab here ran a test and decided to give me AS!! Now I have done two independent tests during my first and second antenatal and they are both AA!
My folks are upset(cos they insisted my childhood tests came out as AA). If i meet the owner of that lab ehn! Hmm
@poster 3,Sorry about your predicament. Dunno what else to tell you.
Poster 2.. If you don't love him enough because you refused to take in outside wedlock for him..it means his momma also dislikes him for not allowing him marry the woman he "loves"
You must look out for yourself in this relationship! Make sure outrageous demands are not asked of you!
What role will he be playing in all of this?
If truly he wants this to work,he should be the one sweating it out not you..After all your mom didn't ask you to postpone your wedding!
Nne,carry your two legs and go for your service..Let him call you as soon as he sets a date to see your people..or what if Sisi does not find a suitor soon?
Truth is bitter to hear, but you just nailed it!
DeleteYou spoke sense into my soul. Your arguments are provocative and stirring. "If he's not man enough to confront his mum, why should he be man enough to impregnate you?"
DeleteBut then family issues are dicey, it's not always a black and white matter.
All I can suggest is that the poster, think hard and long about it, if you are sure that you can stomach the results of your subsequent line of action, then go ahead with it.
@ poster 3. May God almighty intervain in ur case that's all I have to say dear.
ReplyDeletelong throat so any salary below 200,000 naira is too small. you better think twice because of greed.
ReplyDeleteP3 if u guys can manage n chheck d feotus genotype, it will save u lots of heartache!
ReplyDeleteSome risks ain't worth taking.
P2, ur Fiancé never start!
Wetin come bring that kind leg?
Get preggy first?
Serving in d same state shouldn't be an issue unless u want a change of air.
Hopefully u won't follow d elder sis n clock menopause.
P1. Mbok leave d guy.
When he's ready to be a man, let him contact u.
Sounds like he got complex issues.
Can't deal abeg.
Poster #2,98% of mother in law always want their way,and there is not much u can do,don't get preggy yet,but pray abt it n plan ur marriage,cos we all can't ve d same destiny with our siblings.maybe d girl dey possses sef una no knw.
ReplyDeletePoster #3. Do not abort,I repeat do not abort. Just pray u get lucky. Besides didn't u go for genotype/blood group test before getting married?anyway,am wishing u luck from here.
Poster 1, pls pray if you are convinced about this guy. The Bible says the heart of a King is in His hands He turns it the way it should go. Pray & ask the Lord to turn your MIL to be in your favour and watch how it goes.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, lots of us are trusting the Lord for babies and you have 1 & expecting another. The mistake has being done if you call it that. Pls in the name of God & whatever you hold dear, don't touch that foetus. Trust God to do a miracle. The Bible says with our words we are justified and with our words we are condemned. Speak life over your foetus make declarations and when you give birth come & share your testimony with us. You & your hubby can hold hands & agree that your baby won't have sicle cells when he is born & it shall come to pass. And if two shall agree concerning a matter it shall be done...God can be trusted cos He is faithful. Cheers
Lady T, I sense u r my church member. By their comments, ye shall knw dem...lol!. Wat church do u attend?
DeleteWow..I'm tongue tied..poster 3 for the love of God abeg don't kill that baby..I noticed u said fetus..no mother would refer her baby as fetus..even if its one day old..its like u already have ur mind made up..but pls have a rethink..hmmm poster 2 no carry belle marry o..if ur man can't convince his mum that he wants to get married this year,OYO is his name o..don't involve urself in that family matter..you're not a part of that family yet..biko..let them resolve their issues..tell ur man that if he really wants to marry u,he should convince his mum or forgerabouit..poster one run for ur life..you're not a therapist or psychologist..that's what he needs..u better retrace ur steps before the depression will rub off on u biko abeg
ReplyDeleteposter 1 : your man is not grateful, earning more than 100k is something in this hard times, hold on as stella advised, such men complain about everything, he's not depressed, just not grateful
ReplyDeleteposter 2 ; If i were u, i don get belle long time. when will d sister get a man and get married?
Poster 3: keep the baby irrespective of how things will be
D love of my life is AS, and am AS also, but we have decided to get married. It's so sad honestly, we've tried breaking up severally, but we just cldnt stay apart. Pls always ask for genotype b4 u start dating, will save u a lot of heart ache. I wish I did.
ReplyDeleteBetter dnt marry him
DeleteNikkybaby! For d love of God undecide to get married except ur ready to check fetus genotype @ 12weeks n abort if its SS. Which ll definately give u heartache. Sickle cell can be eliminated by prevention. If u go ahead and get married,d stress will make u and ur fiancee unlove eachother. The pain sicklers go tru when in pain is out of this world.
DeleteNikkybaby,DONT.
DeleteWhen that child eventually goes thru crisis n intense pain,the love of your life will turn and blame you.That love will disappear
DONT MARRY HIM
DONT MARRY HIM
DONT MARRY HIM
DONT MARRY HIM
DONT MARRY HIM
DONT MARRY HIM
There is nothing God cant do when we believe.My parents have 3of us, we never bothered about SS disease until when wr had our last child ten years ago, and happened to be the only SS patient,my immediate sis and I are carriers(AS) .It want easy anything,if you have seen where a mother(who had her child at 44)cry and wishes the pains her child is going through passes to her, the pains where so unbearable.
DeleteWe kept believing in what God can do,believe you me its been 2 years my sster hadn't been to the hospital she pratically lives and we believe she has been healed, so, it depends on your faith.I will be careful in my choice of partner brcause now I know, my parents probably when they got married in their time,checking of blood group and type wasn't that important as it is today.It is not easy to leave a relationship especially when nothing actually went wrong on both sides(to avoid an ex always in the present chronicles) but use your head,pray and ask God what He wants you to do(be sure you are sure what God wants for you,God wont come down o when crisis araise,so,pls be sure).It is well my sister.
To the pregnant narrator:pls dont abort,those looking for the fruit of the womb will do anything to be in your shoes,so,think about it.Have faith in God,nithing is impossible and He wont do anything without thanksgiving, just have faith in Him.
Narrative 1,all he needs is encouragement so keep encouraging him. Narrative 2,give them a time frame to work things out for her or you'll leave. Narrative 3,dont abort ur baby just keep praying. Miracle still happenes
ReplyDeletep1-Depression manifests in many more ways.
ReplyDeleteplease don't go ahead with marriage just yet.
Recommend counselling for him. He needs it.
P2- The problem is his mum. The problem is his sister. He should know how to talk to his family to get them to agree to what he wants. I will advise you to encourage him to deal with his family. He knows them best. He knows how to handle them. He should be man enough to talk to them instead of asking you to get pregnant. That sounds more like making you the sacrificial lamb instead of facing his family headlong. There will be many more issues in marriage that will require him protecting you instead of asking you to make the sacrifice for both of you. Sorry to say, but your boyfriends suggestion leaves a lot to be desired especially since it is his family creating the problem, not yours!
P3- Why are you anticipating problems where there are none? Why can't you wait to do the test before deciding what step to take? One baby tested SS at birth but as she grew older she tested as SC. Today she is a medical doctor, married with 3 healthy boys! She lives in England.
SC kwa?
DeleteHiaaannn...ati SS, ati SC..they're siblings abeg. And I'm sure one of the two tests was wrong cos genotype no be infection...here today gone tomorrow...its d same thing throughout one's lifetime
DeleteMy brain is jet lock right now ,no comment
ReplyDeleteP3 My parents were both AS. They didn't have an SS until their 7th child. Its all a probability baby girl. Take the chance. Life is all about risks. What if you have married an AA, but each pregnancy terminates on its own. Or you have still births. Baby girl. Life isn't exactly 1+1=2.
ReplyDeleteTake your chance.
Where is your Faith?
Poster3, sometimes genotypes are misdiagnosed nd u might be lucky ur baby is AS
DeleteIt is well
ReplyDeletePoster 3
ReplyDeletePlease no matter how much it cost to check the genotype please do so, your baby might be AS.
But how come u never checked your genotype before marriage?
Even before your 1st child ?
If that child is AS you know what to do.
Poster 2
Talk to your fiancee to see reasons and wait a little longer.
Make friends with the elder sis , hook her up if that's possible.
Poster 1
I guy that earns 200k a month is not ment to be broke.
Help him build up himself and you guys should manage well, before thinking of marriage.
Poster3, you think say to born sickle na beans? I pity u oh hmmmm! I was gonna write to Stella about it b4 I saw dis ur ignorant story....I don't believe u thou u obviously knew but took a risk cos u feel men re scares. If u dare have an SS baby u will knw d difference btw 6 and half a dozen
ReplyDeleteLoooòoooooool.... I agree with you on every level.
Delete@Poster1 do exactly wat Stella said.
ReplyDelete@poster2 do whateva wud mk u happy,as ur happiness matas most,for me I wud say ur marrying him nw shud be ur decision alone. My dear overtaking is allowed in marriage,u wud b amaze at d peace,joy&breaktru ur marriage wud bring to dt home&his sister.
Poster3 better go look4how to run dt test,cos wen u witness wt sickle cell kids go tru wen aving crisis,my sister u go weep. I repeat u go weep. No amount of love wud mk anyone in his/her right senses @dis age bring a child into such agony. So my dear tink twice pls.
Poster 3, he who has ears let him hear o please check the Genotype and if its SS GO FOR AN ABORTION, no child deserves the suffering sicklers go through abeg,
ReplyDeletePoster 3 . I feel like using cane and pepper to flog both of you!!! Both of you should beg for money to do that test if not if u have an ss child ull regret the day u were born.
ReplyDelete***HEALING-RAIN***
ReplyDeletePoster1
Now its depression,if you decide to marry him later,it will be bipolar and he will vent it all on you. Better walk now than after.
Poster2
Tell your mil to find out from her recluse daughter if she wants to marry or be a nun in the convent first before she stalls your wedding. Why can't your fiance put his foot down and go ahead with his marriage plans?
Poster3
You and your hubby should have thought of that before turning 360'o on the bed na. If both of you can conceive then birth it.
That baby didn't ask to be conceived.
***HEALING-RAIN***
ReplyDeletePoster1
Now its depression,if you decide to marry him later,it will be bipolar and he will vent it all on you. Better walk now than after.
Poster2
Tell your mil to find out from her recluse daughter if she wants to marry or be a nun in the convent first before she stalls your wedding. Why can't your fiance put his foot down and go ahead with his marriage plans?
Poster3
You and your hubby should have thought of that before turning 360'o on the bed na. If both of you can conceive then birth it.
That baby didn't ask to be conceived.
Poster:Go for the test @12 weeks
ReplyDeletePlease do not bring an SS child into this world
No child deserves that kinda suffering...that's why u were supposed to go for a genotype before marriage
Poster 2:Your fiancé should face his family squarely first
Do not get pregnant if it's not what you wanna do
My own now is that o married d most quiet person on the planet! Gosh! Sometimes we can drive from here to ibadan in silence. Even the whole day can go without talking except three words like come and eat, good morning, how was ur night etc just that! Gosh! Even small small words of affection for where? Hel say he shows it. I am a talker l like to also listen but Even wen i bring up conversations i talk all thru n his words are more of statements dt ends wit full stop. Before marriage he said he was d quiet type bur i didn't know it was ds bad. Iv been thinking of going away for a few days to my parents house maybe Hel miss me n want to talk more wen m bck. Pls someone advice me. Thanks
ReplyDeleteLailai.
Deletel hv a coz like that. we call him ogbi(dumb)behind his back then
Leave him alone,he wont change. Just make him laff and love his hobby too. Oga is a voracious reader and i am one too
My dear,no marriage is perfect and as little as the problem you just stated seem to be so does it look big to you because you are the one feeling the pain .
DeleteNow let me state something, they say opposites attract and that's exactly your case in every problem there is always a solution and that's how I want you to see it.Start by accepting your situation and not running away to some places thinking he will miss you, he might and come looking for you but the problem remains unresolved and rrmember you still have like 50 more years to live together,so, how many more times to you want to walk away for him to miss you in 50years?#Think about it!
Like I have read some where, marriage is a gift where you see a lot when you start unwrapping ( while some have the too doting hubby,some a dirty wife,to some and angry and stingy hubby, some an abitual sex demanding wife and the lists go on)this is just one of those surprised gift for you,you want to throw it away?NO.
Having your head off is not the solution for headache.
Marriage is like a course work,while some are easy to pass, some we go all night and put more efforts in passing them to get the desired grade,same goes for marriage for it to work.
You will do the work and its called SACRiFICE.You wont do it,yes you will.Continue to be the talking type, talk about life,talk about God,talk about love,talk about nature,talk about your future,your unborn kids,ambitions.....take him to some realm he hadn't been to and see him react.
Not everyone will be the same you know, how will opposite attract is the are made of the same stuff?
Sweetie am like ur DH.I don't enjoying talking a lot but when am with my family members its different also you don't want to see me with my close friends.I think ur problem is that he is not ur friend yet, you guys don't relate as friends. Try being his friend and you will see the difference.
DeleteThanks dearies! I really appreciate.
DeletePoster 2, your boo's mother is just being selfish, for how long are you guys suppose to wait for her daughter.
ReplyDeleteYou better go ahead with your wedding, there's no way you can always please people to your displeasure. For how long will you be doing her bidings, whether you like it or not you guyz will still if she's the domineering type.
I'm not in support of pregnancy out of wedlock sha o
Poster1.pls dnt stop encouraging your man,he needs you now at this time of his life.sit him down if he can go for a deliverance at MFN and before you go into that union with him make sure he his mentally ok. Poster2.do not get prego for ur bf before you guys get married if not your mother in law wil say it's your plan.since your bf's sister is the indoor type and hardly goes out then they should bring in a man that will meet her inside her house and take her out!!tell ur bf to put her profile in the next single N mingle post you never can tell were luck might come from. Poster3.since you made the mistake of getting pregnant again it's all your fault but don't even think to abort
ReplyDeleteExcuse youuuu!!! That advice stella gave is the wrongest anyone can ever give... please my dear if the foetus is ss please run and terminate it, cus if u dont your baby will grow to hate u for life, thats if it doesnt die before growing... infact now in civilised countries AS can marry yeah but they get to test the baby and if it is ss theyre adviced by a gp to terminate it.. please instead of asking advice from stella or bvs go to a doctor.. kmt
ReplyDeletePoster 3- pls do not abort your baby, put your faith in God. Worst case scenario the child may be SS but that isn't the end of the world, you will love your child all the same. I'm in my late 20's and my genotype is SS but when you look at me you will never know unless I tell you. The last time I went to the hospital was over 2 decades ago, I'm as healthy as the next person, I'm not saying you won't pass through any challenges, but with a healthy diet and healthy lifestyle your child will be just fine.
ReplyDelete200k!!!Depressed/broke?hmm
ReplyDelete@p3 plsssssssssssssssss let d child live plzzzzzzzzzzz,just believe..
@p2 your case get as E be oooo!!!I fink u should start setting ur sister n law up(blind dates)cus be like she hold ur future oo,but makes no sense 2 me,ma advice is if u can wait fine,if not keep an open mind for sm1 else....
Poster 1,ur guy needs deliverance o! how wil u earn 200k in d Nigeria of now and stil cryin fowl! Dont push him to marry u now until he gets himself meanwhile he needs serious prayer.
ReplyDeletePoster 2.Look closely and see whats wrong wit your man's Elder Sis.Most elderly ones are usually under a caurse especially when their parents are not d prayerful type its not only her its general I just believe u pray more about it o its not just somthin u can solve with money or brain.Wake up in d night fire prayer do it for a month and watch things give way for u and your hubby cos devil doesn't like leaving his victim.
Poster 3.I had better pay what ever amount it is to see dat ur coming kid is not gonna be SS cos I tell u. ..u are not ready to go tru d pain of seeing ur child live in all tru his/her life dear its gruesome!
Poster3,at least do d test before u start crying abt na?shuo!
ReplyDeletePoster2,getting pregnant is d only saving grace for u two,afterall are u going to tell mother Inlaw u did it intentionally?and again marriage rule 101:don't try too hard to be in MIL good books oo,cos they never will like u dat much whether u do it their way or not!....its been so from time immemorial,they are never loyal.so pls do what u need to do and don't worry abt ur MIL.
So 200k is small?. That your man is what sef. He should go away.
ReplyDeletePregnant poster,
You are wrong to have gotten pregnant again now. Have you seen a sickler before?. I had one as roommate then. It was scary during her crisis.
Nne,pls carry belle fast. Dont wait for his sis to get any married
mstchewwwwww#innursekehinde(doctorsquarters)voice
Just passing buko.
ReplyDeletePls. Someone Shud Help Me Wit A Phone.. Seriously Mising Assignments Nd My Sdk Fam..
ReplyDeleteN1 I can't help u use ur brain, but a salary Btw 100k n 200k is ok. Just help him plan n save n invest. N2, in dis 21st century ppl don't blindly enter marriage without proper test, but u av made d mistake already. Wait till d 12week n conduct d test first, if it's ss den abort bc no baby deserve to suffer bc of ur ignorance. But pray well n av faith, God still do miracle, he will hear u. Goodluck. N3, getting preggy to trap a marriage is wrong bc, being d pawn in a game of chase is risky bc u will die off without d player regrettin. So use ur no 6, if dd guy can't stand up fr d love he claimed he has fr u, even if u get preggy n trouble comes up bc of it, he won't still stand up fr u bc u re just a pawn in his game of chase. Dt ur situation is like a coin with two sides, it can favour u n it can still destroy u. So think twice n balance d two sides so dt u won't get hurt at d end. Goodluck too.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha he say you should get pregnant first so that his own mother will ALLOW you two get married. Does that sound like a man. These are things you children will not watch out for. You think marriage is boyfriend and girlfriend matter. His mother is obviously in charge. I think you should Matt like his mother says, not becaue of the sister but because he is too young.
ReplyDeletePoster 2; getting pregnant before marriage involves fornication and that's the real issue. Okay supposing you get pregnant and the boy decides to heed to his mom's advice to wait . . . don't you see that you've become "usu"; the bat -not living up the tree or down. Then abortion will be offered and the consequences are enormous including losing not just your life but your soul.
ReplyDeletePOster 3: do not commit murder of an innocent, the consequences are grievous. You will cry for all your life and eternity. You did not make a mistake, If you love God, he says that "in all things, he works for the good of they that love him . . ." He will work for your good if that's the case. I think you need to study your scriptures and pray the more.
Regards.
HB
Reading 3 chronicles, sometimes one forgets 'which is which'.
ReplyDeletePoster 3, How could you not take precautions after the first one? Don't abort the baby. Who knows, the baby might just turn out to be AS as well. People have testified about Genotype change miracles so pray about it also.
If the baby comes out with SS, then it'll be a cross you have to carry.
Abortion is a sin before God.
Poster 2
It's unfair they are making you wait until god knows when but why the rush tho? Can't you both wait for like 6 months to a year?
I'm skeptical of a man who'd use pregnancy to trap his own family.
People engage in pre-marital sex like it's no big deal. Please lay the right foundation for your marriage so you don't come up with more chronicles in the future.
Poster 1
Leave the guy already coz you obviously don't love him.
1. Tell him you'll take a walk if he doesn't stop living a depressed life and putting himself in a condition where he'll be pitied. That way he'll adjust. He shouldn't waste your time mbok.
ReplyDelete2. Pray about this and let God touch the heart of your mum in-law. Your man should also stand his ground as to what he wants or else he'll just keep being mum's boy.
3. Do not touch the unborn baby. Pray to God about it. He'll make it right. When you escape from this by God's grace, please stop having kids excepted God tell you to. Yes cos some people know how God speaks to them.
Women o! Always doing the most when not necessary. Poster 2: let your husband be a MAN! Why should you be the one to sacrifice and get pregnant. Let him stand up for what he believes in and tell his parents his decision. This is not a good precedence for him to want to hide behind you...this implies weakness. The ball is in his court...let him address the issue with his parents. If you know what is good for you DO NOT GET PREGNANT. My 2kobo.
ReplyDelete#2
ReplyDeleteHey Dear, I would want u to stick what or future mother in law says o.... Getting pregnant first would only complicate things more for u and strain ur the relationship between u and her...
Continue using ur woman power on ur Fiancé, always assure him u love him to wade off the feeling of insecurity....
Since you both are still pretty young waiting a year or two isn't that bad...love is all that matters
#3
I just wish u could check d genotype first before any other action is taken....
I personally won't advice anyone to bring a child in this world to suffer...
-Bonnechance!
Lemme sit back n read comments...
ReplyDeletePoster 2: how old is ur boyfriend and his sister?
ReplyDeletePoster 3: are u a learner? Getting married without knowing ur genotype? If u birth a sickler i will look for u and give d baby a gun to shoot u
postal 2 do not do anything to that baby ooo.even if the baby is As you can have bone marrow transplant done on it as early as 14months old. its the new hope for genotype incompertible couples, its just a little expensive thats all.
ReplyDeletePoster3 your marriage, your choice. The only blog visitor to deal with the consequences of your decision is you.
ReplyDeleteBear that in mind when taking action.
#1: Keep on encouraging him. Certificate no be money. He can still make it good in life without the certificate. If his mental state does not improve, do not put your head, if not, you are on a long thing o.
ReplyDelete#2: People like us wey no dey go out no dey marry on time. Give her a little time, I don't want you to enter a family where your presence will be seen as an obstacle.
#3: What would you do if the test says the fetus has sickle cell? You abort it? I don't want to start blaming you for the oversight of not checking your genotype before marriage. Rose
Agreed @ Lady T. Please do not touch the baby. The Lord will keep the baby safe and free from harm. Know of a couple husband has SS genotype. He is a good Husband, Father, Brother. He provides for all his family. Only God knows the future. Please do not abort the baby. Nothing is impossible for God He can change your baby's genotype. It is well with you and yours IJN
ReplyDeletePoster 1 jst keep encouraging him...God always brings pple our way for a purpose, so u never can tell...urs could b to help change his life...u gotta b smart too don't put all ur eggs in obe basket
ReplyDeletePoster 2....well u prolly need to talk to ur to be sister Inlaw in a friendly manner tho..marrying a guy is marrying his family too...n trust me twill be like he'll if he's mom doesn't like u cos twill jst extend to d whole family....n u gotta b very prayerful too
Poster 3 aborting it should b d last option my dear...its so risky n it's deadly...am not a doctor tho buh frm what iv heard AS couple can gv birth to atleast 2 children dat won't b SS...so my dear jst keep praying....prayer fixes everything!!!
Insanity. 100%.
ReplyDeletePeanuts, I agree with you. I think not all ss has crisis ofen. Other factors may be a contributing factor. My relative encountered one who was 60 something in usa. He never had any crisis. He came with a problem that could be liked to his genotype and that was how he discovered. Rose
ReplyDeletePoster#1 I don't understand ur story o. Are u saying u guys don't have sex when sober? If so why are u still married to him? Guess he is only taking what he wants, how he can.
ReplyDeletePoster#2 Tell him ur parent warned u dat if you get pregnant before marriage then they will disown you. Abi his mum is running his life let ur family also run yours.
Poster#3 cry to God. I pray this one will not be SS, then u can close shop. It is well!
Sweetie fear not the solution is here just here ,is the sister healthy n pretty?if yes link me up with her ill marry her comot for your way
ReplyDelete532FA1F9
DEAD the nigga said fear no lmfaoooooooo. I swear I love this blog
DeletePoster 2 oya link am ooooo
Pahahahahahahaha
Poster with genotype issues, go to luth at idi araba, college of medicine ask for prof Ajayis Lab, he can do a test on your baby and the price wont be as expensive
ReplyDelete@poster 2, e clear say na small pikin dey worry you. I can not get pregnant, i can not live with him cos we are not married bla bla nla .., pls come back and tell me this when u are 33 and still not married. Now u have someone who loves u so much and is ready to face the storm wt u and u are there doing goody 2 shoes. Ok o. Pls only 1 advice for u: hold this man strong. Hold am o!!
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, you go first, who are you where do you attend?
ReplyDelete