Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narratives

Some things happen and we just cannot explain how we find ourselves a part of the story...it is well!

NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE - received feb 10th

MAKING DECISIONS WHEN YOUR LOVER CHEATS

Dear Stella,

Thanks you so much for creating a forum like this. I am a regular blog visitor and I enjoy what goes in and out of your Blog. Straight to my story.

I started dating this girl Feb 5, 2013. Although I had known her before then but she was in a serious relationship then so I had to cut off as i'm a guy that doesn't like to disrupt someone's happiness. We met again Feb and we started dating on the 5th, she told me she was no more with her BF but he's refusing to let go and still disturbing her. 

I asked her again, if she had made up her mind to move on and she said yes thinking it was going to be an easy thing. We started dating then and this suppose ex was doing his youth service then and I was still waiting for my own mobilization as we all went to the same institution.

As we started going on, the love was growing as I am a sweet person,fun to be with and I love to make people around me smile and happy. The ex heard that she had started dating someone else and unfortunately for him, the ex knew me then in school but we weren't friends. We were just one of those popular big boys in school then. 

The ex started disturbing her again( seriously this time) and sometimes he will call the girl's dad,sister,brother and even mother. They had dated for almost five years actually before she let go of him due to the fact that she couldn't condole his abuse and drug usage. I stood by her all those times and assured her that I won't let go of her no matter what. I love this girl so much and I never imagined we will reach this stage.

Well, I did all I could do to get this guy off but till today, the guy still tells her he won't back off until she gets engaged. But during those first years of our relationship. A lot happened and it gave me so much worries but  I had promised not to let go of her no matter what. During those times, she eventually had sex with the ex but she claimed it was rape actually but I know it's all bullshit. 

Even my ex can't tell me I raped her if we get too close. The guy was the one that confronted me with the story that they had sex, I was angry, annoyed,sad but she begged me that he just wanted to separate me and her that he raped her because her dad sent her to him that very day. The girls dad is an automobile dealer so the guy got a car through the girls dad.

 To cut the long story short. I forgave her 'cos I loved her and we started moving on. Although we had so many challenges, but we held strong.

But recently, I just finished my youth service and got a job somewhere in Lagos but I couldn't cope and I moved to ibadan and got another job through her family link. But we've been having issues and she claims we lack communication and its not helping the relationship but I wasn't sure how I lacked the communication as we talk everyday.

She's also having her IT in a firm in ibadan and met a colleague which she claimed is a friend(you know girls na) I started noticing their closeness and she denied that nothing can ever happen between them.

We had our two years on Feb 5,2015 with so many ups and downs. So today I decided to pay her a visit during working hours. We were playing and joking as she was surprised I had a time to visit during work hour. As we were joking along, I collected her phone and told her I will check it and know what she has been upto all this while. 

She was a little bit angry and I calm her down that this is not the first time we do this to each other so i'm checking it whatsoever. I went straight to her chat with the supposed colleague friend of hers and I was scrolling and in the chat it revealed they had sex twice and one even happened on Saturday. I'm still in office now and not balanced.

I started imagining if communication was worse than cheating,flirting and drug abuse (which her ex did) and claimed she never cheated on him.

Please BVS, what should I do. I don't take cheating likely 'cos I believe if you do it once, then you can't stop it from you. I love her still but I don't think I can go on. Thank you.

Awww you sound like a good guy in love with a serial lover girl,the type you can comfortable call ''obo atanla''.

If you cannot forgive her or forget what she did,please move on. 

...........................................................................................................

NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO 

WHEN LOVE FALLS APART IN THE DIASPORA

Stella,i am so confused right now, each time i read chronicles of blog visitors it had never occurred  to me that my chronicles was on its way, I am shattered, i am lost, i am broken. I can't move forward neither can i move backward , right now i wish i could just end this.

 I met him in my final year in school (2012 ) I  was 22years at that time, though he was based in the Uk but our communication was very intact, it wasn't so obvious we weren't together,  from BBM to watsapp, skype, calls.... just name it, we communicated. It went on like that.The problem started when he came home December 2013 and i noticed he was having an affair and i asked him .

 he obviously denied it. Further snooping confirmed this, after bringing the facts to his presence he acknowledge and he promised me he was going to end the relationship. 

when he got back to the Uk 2014, he told me he had ended the relationship and i trusted him, he began to process my travelling towards Dec 2014,  fortunately i was given a tier 4 visa for my masters. we had our mini introduction ceremony and we are planing to get married later this year. 

The second day of our introduction i found out that that same lady he told me he had nothing to do with her claims to be pregnant and he denied it that he never did anything with her. 

This morning he confirmed to me that the lady is pregnant, and that he already has a child with a German woman.... I dont know what to do, i love him and i really wish we could work things out but i am scared if i would be ale to carry on, i am in a strange land with no one to turn to, no one to share my thoughts with, i just need someone to lean on and tell me its going to be alright..... Now i am even thinking of packing my bags and going back to Nigeria. 

 Stella and blog visitors,please tell me its going to be ok.

Why should you pack your bags and leave?what about your masters?you want to bring your life to a standstill because he cheated?abeg take off that mentality fast!...Beg him to confess all and see if you can take it.

  

Even if you leave him,dont return home,find your feet again and show him that you are better off.

If he is a changed man overnight and ready to work things out then please reconsider leaving but have the ''trust in God,tie your goat mentality''