Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

A narrative to serve as a lesson to others........

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

POINTING FINGERS OF BLAME WHEN A RELATIONSHIP BREAKS DOWN....




Okay, so on the chronicles  about the guy who claims to be an angel with a bad girlfriend, I would like to send this in as a side note to fellow female BVs. I think sometimes we let other things Deviate our attention from real issues. I am not saying the guy is making up stories, or a bad person.  But can he also do a self check? Can us young ladies not be so quick to conclude that a guy who buys gifts is automatically your dream guy?

My own story.

I met a guy about 5 years ago. I just turned 22 and was already through with uni, I had just got my first job. Tall, dark, handsome, British- Nigerian with correct accent, very nice, friendly, every woman's dream - or so you would think. After plenty persuasion, I decided to try him out. With the condition of NO SEX before marriage, which he gladly agreed to. I was on the right track- or so I thought.

Stella, this guy calls me at least 5 times a day, sends me lunch at work. I didn't know how to drive at the time, so he used to pick me to work and drop me off, as we both live in Lekki. It became so pronounced that my dad invited him in for tea, when he came to pick me one morning. He felt that was such a sacrifice for a young man to make. When he's out of the country, he arranges with a cab guy to pick me up and drop me off work, until he returns. Very at my beck and call. He would sing my name and show my pics to everyone to see. Facebook, Twitter.... I was the luckiest girl in the world, abi? He would buy me stuff in boxes on his return trips to Nigeria and come straight to my house from the airport. On my birthday he landed in Naija that morning with a cake in his hands, from wherever country he came from. Good abi?

But Stella..... This guys had issues.This guy can talk for Africa. On the way to work he would talk until I drop at my office. His mouth is a basket! I know all his family secrets and all that has happened to his elder sisters kids and husbands. Let a chicken pass that he knows, ah! He would give u d gist. He can call me at midnight to gossip about someone and when I want to sleep, he starts saying I have bad communication skills.

His sister got a divorce and moved out of her husbands house, due to his infidelity issues. This his sisters husband shamelessly made passes at me, severally while he was still married to the sister. And u told him. He would say "that one na dog na". Do u know because he was hoping to get a contract through the guy, he was still being friendly with him and hanging with him, without the whole family's permission?!! When his sister found out, she was mad! She banned him from coming to her house. I was equally pissed, cos everyone in Lekki knows that man is promiscuous.

He got me a new phone, back then. Bb torch. One day I was at a wedding he forced me to follow him for. Uninterested me was chatting with my sis, who had just gone to the US to birth her baby. This guy came to me, Infront of everyone and seized the phone. I was just seeing the phone moving away from my hand. Started shouting- "who is the Man U are chatting with? I bought that phone and I will break it!" I was so embarrassed. His friend, whom I was just meeting for the first time that day, now stood up and slapped him. And told him ever to embarrass a woman in public like that again. They started arguing. It was a scene. He accused his friend of sleeping with me and all sorts, there and then. That was the end of the party for us. I took a cab and left without the phone. He came to drop the phone at my office the next monday with flowers and chocolate. On his knees. All my colleagues were 'awwww....ing'. So how was I not to forgive? I would have been the bad guy right? No p.

Okay, so he drove me to nysc camp when I got my call up letter. Somewhere in one village in western Nigeria. He was a dream come true to be able to do that, right? My mum was so impressed. Stella, he smashed my phone on our way to camp. Why? My dad was supposed to do a transfer for me. I stopped to use the ATM, I didn't see the cash. So I was really trying to get across to my dad to tell him cos I needed to withdraw before getting on camp as I was going to a village. He was talking endlessly, I was nodding and trying to check for network bars along the travel route so I can make my call. He parked, seized the phone and threw it out the window. That I'm not giving him attention. I was so angry cried. I had to stop at one small shop and buy a torch light phone to use throughout camp. And I got into trouble on camp for trying to go out to withdraw money from the nearest ATM which was one hour away, by Okada. The same situation which I was avoiding. I knelt down on the field for 4 hours, on instruction from camp commandant. I got tmerrible sunburn (I'm light skinned) and serious malaria afterwards. And all nysc staff now had their eyes on this rebellious corper. Hahahaha. Good memories sha.

He used to count the days of my menstrual cycle. If my period is one day earlier or later, he starts a quarrel. Who are you sleeping with? You are taking contraceptives abi? Pretending to me that you are celibate? He would actually call to ask if my period has started. Dare I leave my phone near him and take an excuse, he would take my male friends and colleagues numbers (cos I never used to lock my phone) and start calling them to leave his gf alone. I was wondering why guys in my office, except one, were no longer associating with me. Even female friends who I chat with and send kiss smileys, he would send them text messages (thinking they are guys whose names I've coded) telling them to leave his babe alone. Ofcourse, they would think I am aware and avoid me. I used to get very upset about how people became so cold around me and I also stopped caring without asking. I lost a lot of friends. I found out 3 months after we broke up. His younger brother just confessed to me and told me. That my guy said it was a way of keeping me in 'check' and chasing all the 'flies' around me.

Now the plot.....

Stella, I can't remember most of the things be he did. But the straw that broke the camel's back was while I was on that same nysc camp, he kept calling to beg for all he did, on the road trip. Bombarded my small phone with calls. Being a mumu then, I forgave easily. He now called me to say that my sisters husband-to-be, at the time, is about to make the mistake and marry a slut. That my sister is a slot.

Now there was this guy who was chasing my sister before her husband proposed. And she was going on dates with him and all. She wanted proposal straight and not relationship nonsense, from her husband. My sister is very beautiful and intelligent and has a very good job. She was a virgin till her wedding night. Fierce looking and quite tall, but very naive - to those of us who know her when she's not in her heels.  So too many people were on her case, until she got engaged.

Anyhoo, this heartbroken guy went crying to his friends that this his babe just got engaged, bla bla. He's distraught. Who is your babe? Coincidentally, He mentions my sisters name. This my guy calls me to start insulting my sister. Me, knowing my sister is a virgin couldn't not believe that a guy who is proposing to spend the rest of his life with me would just start calling my sister names, without making enquiries on the actual situation. I called my sis that night and asked her who that guy was, she started crying. That he was chasing her and as soon as she got engaged, she told him she was taken.  (I had even met the idiot once, but didn't remember his name. He was just one of her irrelevant toasters to me. Trust me, she had them in drones) Yet, the guy had been disturbing her life that she had to Barr his calls. And now he goes about tarnishing her image. She was crying that night. And sent the guy a text calling him out for what he was trying to do to her reputation. The guy, knowing what he had said was untrue, denied it and said everyone knows that my own guy is a huge gossip and talks off point. The guy now confronts my own guy, who denied ever saying such. My own guy now calls me to ask why I told my sister and how I've made him loose friendship of so many decades ( that was his concern. Looking good Infront of others, to the detriment of everyone else)  I was in shock!! You mean I should hear about someone tarnishing my sisters image and sit down and watch? He said yea, that he would do just same. I just told him it was over, there and then.

Begging drama continued. Do you know on the last day of camp, this guy came to pick me up? I had to hide in a cab I hired with a fellow corper, while bending my head down so no one would see when we drove pass the gate. He told the soldiers that he was looking for his wife. Called my name, Caused a scene. Corpers were now shouting that they didn't know I was married. See trouble oh??!!

Mnwh, he had ordered my car oh! Changed all the electronics in my mums kitchen. "mummy let me give u state of the art cooking technology!" When I left him, everyone thought I was a fool.

Then he started, Stella this guy went round telling people who knew me Horrid things about me. It went on for over 6 months. That's how he came acting like a victim when his ex of 4 years left him. Sobbing about how he gave her his all and she moved on....  The same thing he did to me. Infact, I can't say much more. I don try.

What is my point?

Please can we ladies not be so quick to jump on silver horses? Once we hear how comfortable and 'nice' a guy is, we start wishing and hoping. All that glitters isn't gold. The mistake I made was I kept thinking he had flaws and he would change. I kept listening to everyone around me cooing about how 'nice' and 'caring' he is, and not listening to my own voice. When the repercussions came, even my parents had to step in and warn him to get my name out his mouth. They called. his elder sister and she was even apologizing. That she knows what her brother can do. They even apologized for doubting I made a wrong move by stepping out when i did.

By the way, this guy in question was 35 and still single, with an amazing job. While his younger brother was already married with a child. He is currently still unmarried.

Oh! Did I mention he went about saying: 'na small pikin. She no go sabi better thing. I forgave her for all she did to me, yet she dumped me like a piece of rag'. How can u forgive someone for an offense you created in your own head, based on assumptions of things that never excited? Hian!

In the end, I hope we all find true love and happiness. But self assessment does help, when a relationship has gone the wrong way.

self assessment always works instead of wallowing in self pity!