Oh WOW!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
DEALING WITH FAMILY ISH IN A CONFUSED AND PREGNANT STATE.
Hi Stella, I know you are good. Thanks for the great job you are doing. I need your advice and bvs on this matter. Thanks for taking your time to read my story even though its long.
I am the second daughter in my family and I was raped when I was 16 and there was nobody to talk to although I stay with my mum and younger ones while my dad and elder sister live together in our home town.
My mum found out i was 5 months pregnant, I didn't even know myself becos there were no signs and symptoms at all, even no protruding belly. My dad is a very strict man and he always insults my mum for anything we did wrong.
They took me to a doctor and I had an abortion which resulted in heavy smelly discharge. I couldn't tell my mum cos i thought it would soon go away.
I gained admission when I was 17 and I went to school, meanwhile the discharge was still coming out and this time around it was much and I had to use tissue every 3 hours in a day and with serious smell. I went to see a doctor with the help of my friend and they told me I had vaginal infection, so I started treating it with the money they do sent to me from home.
I also had a boyfriend who helped me too, for 4yrs I treated it from different doctors and did a lot of tests. Stella the money i spent on the treatment was more than 400k cos at a time I started doing all this promo jobs in supermarket and bars to get money for treatment.
All these while nobody knew what I was going through at home ,I prayed, fasted , got injected ,inserted different drugs prescribed by doctors and even creams and vaginal wash. I even went to all this women who sell "agbo" maybe it would work but all to no avail.
So 2014 April when I finished my final year exam, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time and he told he felt something sharp inside me like blade. So that same month I had a very heavy menstruation which was painful (I do have heavy flow but not with abdominal pain) some bones came out of my vagina like 8 and it was big and also green in colour.
I called my boyfriend to tell him about it. We were so happy and I also noticed the discharge stopped immediately after my period. This was a miracle I never expected this because the discharge was for over 4yrs, God is still working.
I went to see a gynaecologist and she advised me to get married early that I have the tendency not to get pregnant becos some things had been tampered with inside my body.
After my convocation in june , my fiancee propose to me and we had sex again and I got Pregnant. I was happy but the only problem was my parents. My dad wants me to do my Master and PhD and he's a type of person that boasts to people about me.
I got my call up letter in November and am serving right now. Meanwhile in my family they dont get married early except when they are over 30 and getting close to fourty at times and after marriage another issue is getting pregnant again. My fiancée is ready to get married to me anytime and I will be seven months pregnant in the same week with the family burial i am supposed to attend and due by April.
I told my sister about the pregnancy and she was happy for me cos even right now she doesn't have anyone dating and she is 8yrs older than me. She knows my Fiancee and they have talked about it. She told my mum about it and my mum has been sad since and doesnt call me anymore and she told me not to even dare mention it to my dad.
My sister has been talking to her since and till now my dad doesn't know. We have a burial in a weeks time and he is expecting me at home for it and I don't know what to tell him cos I know he will disown me for not coming for his dads burial cos he doesn't even know am Preggy and also I didn't go home for Christmas too and he is angry becos of that.
Let me add that my fiancée rented a room for me and he is willing at any time to meet my family and he has been good to me. He promised to get my masters form for me after my service and he has been depositing money into my account for business after giving birth. He has also been taking care of my expenses all these while. He knows my sister becos she has being to my place thrice when she came to lagos.
Stella am confused right now and don't know what to do. I will be 22 in a months time.
Will my dad ever bless my marriage after giving birth? so far he doesnt know anything now cos he won't agree for me to get married at this age, I know he won't call me again if I didn't go for the burial. My mum too is angry but my sister told me she is just pretending to me that she has talked to her and she just even bought my own clothe for the burial but she doesn't call me.
Please Stella and bvs what do I do?
Sorry for any mistakes and I will appreciate your advice but please take it easy with me, I have been thinking all these while and my bp is high and my doctor told its not good for me right now.
Thanks in advance for all the advice i will get.
OMG OMG OMG....What a story!...I lack the wisdom to give you any advice on this right cos if you see me sef,as i was reading my mouth was hanging open.This ish is really complicated and i pray someone in the commentary section offers advice that will go a long way.
let me read comments darling.
send me your number and i will call you okay?
Sigh
ReplyDeleteMy tummy was churning while reading this. I put myself in your shoes and immediately got out of them. I no fit abeg. I'm so sorry dear about what is happening to you. You're the cause of your problems (sorry to say). You should have been open to your parents from the start no matter how hard they were, or at least your mom. They would definitely have understood what you were going through but you decided to carry your cross alone. If your mom was aware it'll have been easier talking to your dad. Speak up NOW. NOW is the time. No more secrets. Take one of these weekends and go home. Beg your dad to come home that you have something very important to discuss with him. Hold a family meeting with your parents and discuss it. Make sure your elder sis is present since she's the one that understands you and will support you. Make sure your fiancé is present too. You can even go to the doctor that advised you to get married early and beg her to attend the meeting with you so she can explain things to your parents, so they don't think you are framing up stories. Do this before the burial so you will not take anyone by surprise. Believe me, if you do all these, your dad that you think is as hard as rock will not be able to even raise his voice at you. He'll be shocked and too sorry at the same time. My dad used to be a "terror" to us. A similar event chaned his life. He melted like akamu. He didn't kill my sister afteral. All the best honey. Plenty hugs and kisses. Please and please remember to come back and tell us how it went. One love.
DeletePS: Let your dad also know your fiancé' role. The role he played in getting you out of the mess all these years. Especially the financial support. Believe you me, your dad will forever respect that guy for being brave.
Delete1st and foremost I thank Almighty Go for your life. The Abortion u had was not properly done. They didn't evacuate the foetus hence all the discharge n smell. You are 1 lucky girl. Many woman have died from improper evacuations either abortions or miscarriages . The infection gives u a serious fever u go into shock n die. Tell ur parents what u went through for 4 years. God loves you and continue praying that God touches their heart. Kisses and hugs.
DeleteSnow white u just typed what's on my mind.
DeletePoster good luck as u hid to good advice u get here. This one pass me.
When Naeto C sang "finish work" he had Snow White in mind. Poster pls do as she said. Wishing u all d best.
DeleteSnow White is just da bomb, poster i suggest u take dis advice nd do it as soon as posible
DeleteBabe, no advice except that u should just glorify God. He loves the heck out of you. Meet your parents and tell them what happened, tell them how that guy helped u, ( I acknowledge snow white's advice). Pray for a safe delivery nne!
DeleteHmmm well, I read from a lady whose family do not communicate well. I read from a lady who is afraid to speak to her father, and whose mom is also afraid to speak to her husband. This is a fundamental issue. This is why parents should leave room for deep relationship with their kids, especially with their daughter's.
DeleteEven if u didn't have the abortion or issues from the scratch, u would still be in this position. Because it seems like your father wouldn't give his daughter away until she achieves all he desires of her academically. Not bad but times have changed, ur dad should understand this.
This shouldn't be a problem. Face your challenge at once. Your father is the challenge and you may be shocked that when you tell him he won't get as angry as u imagine. He may even know already.
He won't kill u o. Go to him before the burial, anything he wants to do let him do it. At least he won't kill u or ask that u abort your baby. Thankfully u have a man....so all he should do is give his blessings. you are done with school biko marriage should be next. I wish u well dear.
SNOW WHITE UNILAG ASHEWO
DeleteSnow White you comment is awesome pls poster do as she has said.
DeleteThe Lord will see you through and have a safe delivery.
leme add to wot SW has said,pray verywell b4 u go,let God melt ur father's hrt,goodluck
DeleteUr womb was tampered with during the abortion. I suggest u talk with ur mum nd tell her everything ursef since she's the 1 that took u 4 the abortion. Let her know all u ve been going thru. Then all of u will do family meeting with ur dad nd u'll tell him everything. The truth will set u free. If possible get the doctor sef to stand in 4 u. He will only frown while ur trying to make him understand. Thank me later. http://incomebite.com/?user=2004
ReplyDeleteit is well. i have a feeling this would end well for u. ur dad would be supportive
DeleteThere is a place i know. where everything is light and fun Do u knw dt magical place of tales? It's an ART: join usSOUL TALES
meeeehn.. Things are really Happening.
ReplyDeleteU are in a cross road. And that which determines ur future is paramount.
U can follow ur mind for the best. It is very imperative for you to attend that burial, at least to pay your last respect as at when due.
Anyways. Call Stella Sugar. She may tell u an obvious bitter truth.
The only way we can step forward to our future is letting go of our bitter past experience.
I know u are strong poster..
This is serious o.. . I Waka
DeleteMy Darling, your father is not the owner of ur life oh. These days that husband material are scarce and you have one taking care of ur needs and all, you are still scared to tell your father about him. My Dear, talk to your mother about the issue and you guys should build enough courage to face your father. My dad is like that too but if I tell him about getting married today, he will agree by force cos it's my life and happiness that matters. So I wish you luck
ReplyDeleteMehn, you're one lucky girl oh! After all this u still got pregnant, this is a big miracle, make sure u thank God for his mercies upon your life cuz this is his handwork! Do as Snow White advised, explain things to ur parents, they will understand.
DeleteHoney I read your story till the end. I have an advise for you, attend the burial with your fiancé irrespective of if your dad will be angry or not speak to you again. But let it be on record that you attended. Seems like you are already showing hence you are scared for him to see you.
ReplyDeleteYou are not 18years. Many girls get married at 20. At your 22 you have finished service. And God loves you so much that you got pregnant after bones came out of your vagina *shivers
And He also gave you an understanding fiance
Abeg if popsi dey find masters and PhD pikin he should go and born another one. If he objects to your getting married pls apply and do registry wedding next month. You don't need him for that.
Please always respect this your fiancé oh and pray for him.
She got pregnant outside wedlock, dey shld ve done it ryt. Wat dey did was wrong & shld be sober, its a dishonour to her parents. Pls calm down & stop giving such advise. U'll b a parent smday.
DeleteNne ur own I agreed withir make him himsef go do d phd hissss
DeleteNarr 1. Thr is no need to be confused. Your dad hasn't been close to U. Its his fault indirectly Whatever has happened now and for the fear you hav. He all dis while has been far away from you.
DeleteDo this. Call him and tell him about the pregnancy. If he tries to shout at you or blame you for anything, tell him about all those years he was away from you and how strict he had been that consequently, had pushed u away from getting a fatherly advise. He would as usual want to blame your mum later. Don't worry about that (your mum after all doesn't call you). Send him a text telling him how supportive your fiance has been (and how he has been fatherly 2U) and how He is ready to marry you anytime just in case he feels threatened about how his people will view you and him.
I'm sure you have nothing to be afraid of. You are matured enough to make your decisions.
The Lord is your Strenght.
@Precious...Shut up there..Are you a virgin?
DeleteNa wah ohhh,am just gonna read comments
ReplyDelete********LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*********
Am speechless
ReplyDeletePoster I'm so sure you are from Imo state. They are the ones who finish their first degree, second degree,masters and PhD before they start looking for husbands at their late 30s -40s. That time no husband again for them and they are left single for life.
DeleteBack to the matter. Send a text to your mom that you need to call and and explain everything to her. Tell her the pains you went thru after the abortion she helped u oversea. Leave no stone unturned. Make her husband what the doctor told u about getting pregnant and why you decided to start trying. Tell her you love le boo and would wanna settle now and plan your live. Noy everyone is meant to hold on to till after all the certificate. Tell her to talk to your dad Beforr the burial because you and your fiance would be coming to the burial and you wouldn't want your brain to be bothered or disturbed. As you and your baby need a peaceful serenity
Nkan Be o
Deletemewa nsele #sigh
DeleteI folo u dey speechless.
Deletemewa nsele #sigh
DeleteQutie,Imo babes kwa?
DeleteStellz lend me one of those your ludacris chairs.
ReplyDeleteuuuuurgh, your story make something moving in my tummy.
*breath babe breath*
im alright
My dear ist of all your family mayb having spiritual issues mayb an ancestral curse. coz u say there is delay in marriage and also pregnancy issue ...u people need to be delivered out of it and I think u just got your own deliverance..but I want to ask? All these while u were treating the infection didn't u carry out a scan how come the bones were not found or u were just doing self medication from those phamacy. ..well u are lucky to be better ..I would tel u a story my mum told me about one of her best friend.the lady has an only child a boy. .my mum told me while they were in school the lady got pregnant and she was the one who advised and pressured her not to get rid of the baby as we speak that's the only child she have and til now she has my mum to thank for it .She later got married to one chief and this is 22nd year of their marriage no child from her it was just last year a younger lady gave birth to a boy for the husband................................ ..I have alot of stories I can give to u my aunt too was pregnant after nysc,the husband to be is a medical doc is USA suddenly he changed that he wanted an abortion after much pressure and suffering she didn't give in... as we speak she's a big director here in fct she never got married again in life those twin she gave birth to are the children she has today ...and the husband too now carries those children on his head..He sends money to them and takes care of their schooling ...it's a pity u have such parents abortion is never a solution U would regret not getting married or having that child in the future..your parents have lived their own lives they should let you live yours
ReplyDeleteAm telling u that might just be her only child in life and her parents would just make her loose all her children.my dear forget parents oh tel them your mind this is your chance to have your own child your sister is already 30 from your calculations hmm be wise...how useless can parents be taking their own children for dnc what a world we live in
DeleteNne..face him! Go to the burial,let all hell let loose,let him know and do his worse! Haba!
ReplyDeleteWetin sef,you are really scared and I feel for you.if he embarrasses you and walks you out,he has the knowledge already,the next step will be to dobale and start begging for forgiveness so to get his blessing.he won't shoot you down. No matter how hot his anger becomes it can't boil yam.babe for your health and unborn child,pls stop panicking and thinking inugo? Jisike inu?.
Make una fear God ooo, we re talking abt her father her, if d man goes in2 will be happy for her abi, poster mind d advice u pick biko ooo.
DeleteYou this precious sef, aw e take dey do you for body, you no dey advice na to counter other people own...truth be told...what's the worst he can do, he has to accept the situation and its high time, she told her parents what she has been going through....
DeleteTell ur dad..no mata ow angry he gets, he would alwz love u and tht child, mind u befor the burial.. pls.. u owe him tht respect.. the good part is ur child has a dad, who is willing to even go all the way with u so wht the heck? I hav bin thru this road befor secret in such situation makes matas worst. the earlier the beta, who knows dadi might work out a sharp sharp marriage right befor birth.. pls u rili do need deliverance.. get it done befor u give birth for the good of the child and ur future... go to SCOAN..
Deletehmmmmm speechless! words fail me poster. pls go for d burial.. Talk to urdad.. if he decides to disown u then..fine byt dont chicken out without even trying
ReplyDelete.This is complicated no doubt.
Tell your dad,tell him everything from day 1. I believe he will understand you perfectly and possibly go on with your marriage. It's better he knows now before its too late. He will be so mad at you en if you just appear with a big stomach. This your mother sef she should be ready to face every bashing that comes oo cos she has a hand in everything. Besides I think she's only after her own interest and not yours. God bless your friends and your husband to be for they have really tried for you o. May God make things easy for you dear.
ReplyDeleteYour mum should be the one to inform your dad,well thank God you did not go for another abortion.the mistake has been done already pls don't go to the burial ground unless your mum and dad are inform about ur pregnancy.every parents will be upset after sendin their kids to sch and she comes back prego your bf should have use condom.....pick ur phone now and call your dad with the help of your man
ReplyDeleteUmmmmn,this is serious,I really dont know what to say but I think you should go for the burial so that your dad can see things for himself,he definately would get hurt,but time heal all wounds.Am sure he will forgive you and bless your union.
ReplyDeleteMy dear start packing ur bags and get set with ur fiance for the burial, but b4 then beg ur sister 2 speak with ur mum so both of them can go see ur dad first and put him in the know. Showing up at d Burial ground with a protruding stomach and a man without prior knowledge is disrespectful and might b too shocking for him to absurb( nor go kill d man with shock 4 burial). Now whether or not he's so mad that he called to warn u never 2 step foot in his compound for d burial my dear still go n again with ur man Becos if u ask me that gathering is d best place 2 let loose cos there, u might ve d help of some uncles and aunts 2 speak with him n calm him down. If e nor still gree my dear jejely go n birth ur child n if possible face registry and wait till he's ready 2 accept ur bride price. #myopinion#
DeleteJesus Christ of Nazareth.....
ReplyDeleteHave mercy!
Deletewhat so surprising abt dis story really?
DeleteFind a way to let your dad read this post, his heart will melt knowing all you have passed through. Or anytime you will tell your dad about it, start the story from the beginning like you just did, just saying you are pregnant won't make any sense to him. Good luck
ReplyDeleteoboy nor b lie o,makin brain,ur sister should help u on dis advice,
DeleteOh dear poster,I feel like hugging u right now but I can't...you are barely 22 and you have suffered what a 26 year old lady like me has never even imagined!Sorry ya...
ReplyDeleteThere are men everywhere but your fiance is unique.I admire guys who stick with their woman in good and in bad times!
Pls don't allow your father to ruin your life for you,I will advice you not to attend that Burial.Your mum is too soft that's why your dad bullies her.Talk to her and assure her that nothing will go wrong,if she continues to keep malice with you,leave her alone.Wait till 2 days to the buial,plan with your sis and ask her to lie to your dad that you are terribly sick...infact,you are in a coma sef(God forbid).
If he disowns you,better!
Stick to this guy and wed him in court.Case closed!
Pls don't think too much,think of your baby who is on its way.Gookluck.
I love u ryt now E hugs 2 u
DeleteYour dad dont have who can talk to him? like his brother, sister, mom or a pastor? Find someone he listen to, table ur matter and make them reason with u but if i were u, I will see him after giving birth, no matter what. Parents are small god meant to be respected and honored but not to allow them live our life for us. U will agree with me that its by the grace of God that u're pregnant again, not all are lucky. I will do all i can to protect that baby in me, Relax and dont get high bp on a matter that will pass away. After giving birth, go see him with gifts, get some elders to help beg him and try to get closer to ur mum. Safe delivery!
ReplyDeleteU're one lucky girl to have such a good man. #Green bones came out of ur vjj??? Oriegwu
ReplyDeleteJezzzzzzz....
ReplyDeletePoster,lemme first of all commend your man for sticking around...
Please don't ever hurt him...
Please tell him to see your parents concerning the marriage...I got married at 21 and no you are not too young for marriage...
Your parents won't kill you if they find out you are pregnant so you better call your father and tell him the Koko and no he will not disown you...
My sister, I will advice you to let your dad know your situation before going for the burial, hold on to your guy and let him marry you before he changes his mind... It's not easy to see someone who has been there for you during hard time
ReplyDeleteLet your dad know cos not telling him and showing up with your belle will hurt him more... I pray he forgives you......
You are not too young to marry my dear, at your age I already have 3 children and am still happily married ........
Wow. So complicating really
ReplyDeleteMay God step in for you. This is a daisy situation but life must move on with or without ur dad's blessings
ReplyDeleteHmmm miracle indeed! Thank God. U re already preg so try keep dis one n go ahead n marry ur guy. If ur parents didn't accept, do court marriage n secure d future of ur child so dt he won't be a bastard. Den wait with time am sure ur parents will come around I wish u luck.
ReplyDeleteThere comes a time in a person's life when "selfishness" will be the only option available. Please do whatever will make you happy. Have the baby and get married. They might be angry now, but they will admire your courage with time Take charge!
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm,u cnt continue to hide,u r already 7months pregnant n ll soon give birth.go to the burial expecting the worse,u cn even give him a clue bfor going.explain every thing to him bt dnt mention d previous abortion.cook up something dat lead to d infection.ur dad ll understand,if not nw den lata
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, whatever anyone thinks, whichever way anyone choose to react...do not let it get to you to the extent that you will think of abortion. That shouldnt be an option sef, cos from ur story, i can say that ur pregnancy is advanced.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you still travel to see your dad. I think its better for him to see you in ur preggy state than just hearing you have put to bed a couple of months later. He will get angry but i dont think it will get to the extent of him disowning you...(e nor easy to disown pikin, my dear...all na shakara). Go on your knees when he is alone(probably with your elder sister) and beg him. Cry your eyes out to him and tell him the reason you had to get pregnant quickly was based on ur gynaecologist's advise. If possible, go with some of your medical reports to back up ur explanations. I'm sure ur dad will prefer you having a child at an early age than for you to wait for some years against your Doctor's advise and at d end, you start running from pillar to post trying to conceive.
As for your mum, there's no big deal. She's only "forming" anger because your dad may likely blame her for you getting pregnant at an early age and out of wedlock. But I can assure you she will cool down once you have sorted yourself with your dad.
Above all, pray before travelling that God should soften ur dad's heart towards you even before he sets his eyes on you.
You are even lucky your guy sticked with you all thru, at least, that should ease your tension a bit. After u have sorted youself with your dad, then you will arrange how ur fiance will meet him.
It is well!!!
am really speechless
ReplyDeletePoster I think you should keep that pregnancy, find something to tell your family dat happen on your way to the village for the burial that way your dad will see it as an act of God. As for the marriage part I don't fink it will work for now just hold on till you put to birth but make sure your mum and sister knws your plan at every step and start your masters if you can at less your dad will see that your still attaining the height he wants you too.
ReplyDeleteMy sister, I will advice you to let your dad know your situation before going for the burial, hold on to your guy and let him marry you before he changes his mind... It's not easy to see someone who has been there for you during hard time
ReplyDeleteLet your dad know cos not telling him and showing up with your belle will hurt him more... I pray he forgives you......
You are not too young to marry my dear, at your age I already have 3 children and am still happily married ........
@ poster thank God for healing you.now coming to the abortion side.the doctor that did it was a quack. he didn't remove every bit of the foetus and that's why you saw bones after. the remains there was what caused the infection and smelly discharge. you are one lucky girl.you are so lucky that the prolonged infection didn't damage your womb.
ReplyDeletenow coming to the issue of your dad and mom; I don't understand what there problem is. yes you are still very young but not a child anymore.you are also a graduate so why the fuss.pls this is not an issue where I will tell you not to go on with your marriage without your parents consent.you were a victim of rape which left you pregnant and nearly caused infertility for you.you had to take in immediately in order for your womb to be well adjusted. so is not your fault. infact you are lucky that you got a man who is willing to marry you.if your parents were not the type that were unnecessarily up tight; you would have confided in them when you were passing through all these. especially your mom.pls go and talk to your mom first before your dad.but read my lips never you back down because they refused. if you are sure of your man; go ahead and marry him in court first; if they will not accept your dowry from him.when they come bk to their senses they will give you their blessings. I don't know what is wrong with them.their kids marry late and when they marry pregnancy becomes an issue.and here their daughter is so lucky to get pregnant for a man who cares for her at a tender age after passing through this problem and they refuse.is just not right.parents should stop putting their children indirectly into problems or tight corners.its well with you.
Thank you for this explanation. I didn't understand the meaning of the green bones. Nne very sorry for your plight, but sooner or later, you gotta face your dad. Your mum should be an intermediary. If your mum can't talk to her husband, your dad, I wonder how she intends to help you out in this situation. I am happy your fiancee is one of the good ones. Some would have disappeared with the baggage you came with. Be a good wife to him. Your dad will come around sooner or later when you face him.
Delete@ poster i felt ur pains,,i pray dat ur dad wil understand,,It wil all end in praise for u....
ReplyDeleteBreak d jinx babe!
ReplyDeleteLate marriage jinx
Break it.
U r young
Don't let anybody sway u
Follow ur heart.
Wow
ReplyDeleteYou should have informed your parents from the beginning
As it is right now. I think you should stay away till after the baby and when your dad comes to lagos take him to the doctor to explain things to him,am sure everything will be sorted,
God you are 1 strong woman, you went through a lot,be thankful to GOD for good health
Ronald pls come and air your undiluted words of wisdom to this young lady ..
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that you are pregnant , considering you did an abortion, that complicated other health issues.
Secondly !!!! Your parents took you for that abortion at 5months gone , that was risky .
So pls they should bear full responsibility for your reproductive life . Trust me your dad will eventually come around .
What stops you from giving birth and still further your education , my dear nothing ....
It's just a matter of time. Take It one day at a day with sweet Jesus, u already have a very supportive fiancé !!!
Don't worry atend the burial!!! I'm sure ur mum by this time has already giving ur dad hint.... Because na so my mama dey do, she can do abroko to her husband.... So sometimes I don't even like telling her certain things.
You'll be fine dear.
This is truly a miracle. Bv my piece of advice: get married to ur fiancé ASAP. It is you who wil stay/live with him and not ur family pls.
ReplyDeleteRonald pls come and air your undiluted words of wisdom to this young lady ..
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that you are pregnant , considering you did an abortion, that complicated other health issues.
Secondly !!!! Your parents took you for that abortion at 5months gone , that was risky .
So pls they should bear full responsibility for your reproductive life . Trust me your dad will eventually come around .
What stops you from giving birth and still further your education , my dear nothing ....
It's just a matter of time. Take It one day at a time with sweet Jesus, u already have a very supportive fiancé !!!
Don't worry atend the burial!!! I'm sure ur mum by this time has already giving ur dad hint.... Because na so my mama dey do, she can do abroko to her husband.... So sometimes I don't even like telling her certain things.
You'll be fine dear.
Jesus Christ. My dear you are really blessed to even be pregnant today. Forget your dad, he will come around in time and if he doesn't, well... Someone should break it to him the way Igbo's break death to close ones.
DeleteApparently you have been carrying the rotten remains of your first child for 4 years. You are one hell of a lucky lady.
Be happy. Where you are today is way better than where you would a been. Ie childless. Plus You got you a good man. Your bp should be fine my dear.
Bones came out of ur what?....your TOTO?
ReplyDeleteOmg
It is well with u...
@Calorie
Calorie?
DeleteLol at calorie....
DeleteYou guys on this blog won't kill me with laugh...
Loooolest...
Oxygen and Magnesium! 'Some bones came out of' where? I don't understand that part at all.
ReplyDeletePoster God will see you through. Your parents will defintely come around when they see how supportive your fiance is. God bless.
********** Blessed Mrs **********
poster,do u knw dt thinking wit pregnancy could result to eclampsia? So plez,stop thinking and allow ur BP to come down,before u stat fitting.. Hand everything over to God in prayer,and believ it is done.. Shalom.
ReplyDeleteSweet heart, your father will not kill you, he will only get angry. The deed has been done so just travel home to your mum and beg her to follow you to your dad and beg for his forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteIf i were ytou, i wouldnt bother going to the burial either since its too close.
Plz if you are igbo, make sure he approves b4 u put to bed dear.
All the best, make i go read chronicles of hope
Pinky berry please explain that part if she is Igbo, She should make sure her father approves b4 he put to bed.
DeleteDear Chinyelu onyeaka, from the part of igbo where i came from, if a woman gives birth out of wedlock w/o a dowry then the baby will automatically become her familys' and not the real father. And in this case the real father which is her fiancé is willing to accept them so she shouldnt deprive him of his wish which is to have his baby because if not na her surname the baby go bear, if na girl, her wedding go be for the girl papa house etc.
DeletePin ky Berry is right, if dowry isn't paid the baby is automatically the father's child even if the fiancee marries her later. That is Igbo trad at least in the part of Anambra where I am from.
DeleteMy humble opinion is to call your father ahead of time to explain what is on ground. I don't think its wise to carry that pregnancy to the village at this stage and with the situation on ground.
Poster, you ve to be strong for you, your baby and your fiance. Nothing in life is a mistake that is what you should know. Call Papa, explain your condition. Allow him to vent, its expected. When he has cooled down call him back and tell your story. If he is still listening get him and your fiance to talk.
No parent would hate their child this much to ask for an abortion at this stage in pregnancy. Let hubby convince him of his sincerity to send you to school. Do same for Momsie. All these will be stories soon.
Hang in there darling, God has a purpose for you that's why he gave you a second chance.
it is well with u... I will remember u in my prayer..
ReplyDeleteWoooow
ReplyDelete*speechless*
No meaningful advice I can give..
Just come get a hug dear
You'd be fine by God's grace..
Gals......u na geh mind oooo! Poster tell d guy that impregnated you to go see ur father b4 d burial.
ReplyDeleteAt 22 i think you are too young to get married but now that you are already pregnant there is nothing you can than face life bravely, and bear whatever comes with it, you have to be strong for youself and your unborn baby and please dont even think of abortion just bdcuase you are trying to please your father
ReplyDeleteYour comment will be visible approval
22 is too young for marriage ke? Until she enters menopause before she's ripe I guess*smiles*
DeleteWhat are you saying?
Delete22 yrs to young to be married
Please most gals got married that age and have been managing their homes so well. I'm one of such. And so are many. Team early marriage if you find the right boo
A alloy my man, I agree with you jare. What does anyone know at 22? If you git married at 22 it's because you were too lazy too continue educating your brain (or you couldn't afford too) or you became pregnant and decided to make the best of a bad situation like this poster. You people should stop justifying marrying at 22 abeg. You all know you don't wish that fir your daughters.
Delete22 is too young ke....na from 12 my mama don dey tell me say...your mates are married in the north, ya here crying....Lol. Not young at all
DeleteWhy do people keep saying 22 is too young to get married ,in the 60 s and 70 women get married at 16, western world at 25 some white women are done with child birth,the arab women get married before 18 so what are you guys talking about ,some folks are still fools at 40 ,and some folks already had it all before 30.I rest mu case.
DeleteMy dear you have to be brave, you can't live your life for your parents, trying to please them is what got you into the first mess in the first place, talk to your pastor and maybe he could accompany you to meet with your parents, your fiance too should be prayerful....
ReplyDeleteYou will get through this with a cute bundle of joy, just be strong in spite of what anyone thinks at the end of the day, it's your life. Xoxo
My dear ...any one in ur shoes would hv done d same thing...u jus need to gather mind n strength to face ur dad n tell him d whole story...u hv gone through somuch in life ...u can jus tell him wat d doctor said ...am hapy for u oooo cos d infection was a disgrace ...n dat guy truly loves u ...dats y he stayed wt u all dese while .
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmm,your parents took for abortion which resulted in a virginal infection and now you are pregnant your dad might probably want you to have an abortion again,
ReplyDeleteDon't know what to tell you oh
Poster, pray about it and explain to your dad that you need to get married now to avoid having a child out of wedlock. I wish you the very best. Please never subscribe to an abortion.
ReplyDeleteYour situation is somehow and i really don't know what exactly that can be done now.
ReplyDeleteYou had issues after your abortion and i really don't blame you for getting pregnant but you could have told your family about what you were going through then,maybe your father would have been in a better place to understand.
Just go for the burial, If your father wants to kill you cause you are pregnant,let him do, All die na die...Your dad must be very harsh for you to be this scared of him.
Thank you.
DeleteShe should have told her family about what she was going through. They would never dare suggest abortion the second time.
If she starts telling stories now they will not believe and feel she is lying.
It all depends on what the poster wants. If you want to go for the burial then send someone he respects to him asap.
Don't just show up with the pregnancy oh.
And if you aren't going then don't tell him yet. Deliver the baby before you do so so that evil eyes won't kill your baby for you.
Don't forget that apart from your dad there is foundational yokes in place. Such powers won't be happy at such breakthrough.
Child and husband in one swoop.
get marred 2 ur guy nd have your baby.having a baby is very important dn't let ur dad ruin ur life.after a while ur dad will come around...........my opinion o
ReplyDeleteget marred 2 ur guy nd have your baby.having a baby is very important dn't let ur dad ruin ur life.after a while ur dad will come around...........my opinion o
ReplyDeleteWow!!!
ReplyDeleteI need to rest my brain.
I suggest you talk to your dad it might not be as bad as you think,I knw he will be disappointed but when he sees his grand child he might forgive and forget everything.All these strict fathers sometimes they are the sweetest if you really get close to them,my dad is a typical example
ReplyDeleteI'll rather join stella in waiting for comments.........it is well
ReplyDeleteOh lawdy lawd! Sorry bout all these u are going through. Most important thing right now is your health n your baby's, pls stop thinking n try to stay strong. Go see ur mum asap n beg her, tell her all you've been through, she's your mum, she'd never neglect u. Your dad on his own might make matters worse, just sew a maxi dress n attend the burial. With the help of ur mum try not to spend more than 2days n apologise to your dad fr not coming home for xmas. When u put to bed, go home with ur fiance and baby, ask for his blessings. Im very sure he wont decline. Again, u have to stay strong. (My opinion) it is well.
ReplyDeleteFour years of smelly discharge? that must have been the remains of the incomplete evacuation of ur aborted feotus. wow! u have really carried the cross for ur own sin. this narrative is a kind of testimony in disguise though. my dear, u cant hide ur pregnancy forever, if u can feign illness to avoid travelling, then good for u. but better still, the guy should quickly go and meet ur people be4 d burial, so dt ur dad will see that he has no option, but to allow u to get married since u re already pregnant. it is well. i hope u get wiser counsel here. cheers. visit my blog at yugoprecious.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteWhat sin is she carrying cross for? You mean getting raped as a juvenile and having her mom take her for an abortion? Or having a medical professional advise her to to get pregnant early seeing that it might be difficult later to conceive? The only mistake she did was carrying this cross alone. She should have told her parents from day one of the discharge and all the abnormally painful periods she was having for four years! Imagine! They should have known about it along with the bones that came out and all and the doctor's advise. Chai! But the deed has been done and most people here have advised well so let me stop here. Poster it is well. Be bold and strong. God be with you.
DeleteThis girl was RAPED!! How did she commit sin?
DeleteAnd her folks took her for a risky abortion without even checking up on her!! She was 17 for pete's sake!
She has been wronged by her folks,the doctor,the rapist! Everyone let her down!
Am even surprised you held on and didn't have sex with that guy till recently,i must commend you dear,because in this age and time,young girls are doing hideous things!
Call for a meeting before the burial,i know you folks will travel at least a week before the time...explain everything you have been through to your family,please do this without your intended for now.
Don't shock him with that bump on the burial day,your dad seems like the people pleaser-mr perfect-family kind of man,this will not go down well with him.
Let them know that a kind,young man is coming to see them officially after the burial..tell them his role in your life,and also your doctor's report...
Attend the burial with your man....making sure he pays his respects to your dad,maybe a bottle of these wines they take to burials..
Am sure we will hear your testimony soon..
Dearest,as you embark on this journey,always put God first,respect your hubby,use your business money wisely,and go back to school if you wish!
Never discuss your issues with your dad,apparently he is not a role model....don't go about telling your inlaws these stories...
May God bless you and that kind angel!
My jaw dropped when i read that 8 green bones came out of ur vagina
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
U and ur sister have to convince ur dad to let u get married
He can't be that mean
Thank God for your miracle. I don't know what advice to give u oo. May God show you the best way to handle the situation.
ReplyDeleteseriously Stella, no be only u open mouth read. i was practically gawping, hissing and shaking my head. i thank God for u my dear girl, God has finally sat on ur predicament.
ReplyDeleteI dont see any reason why u should sit marriage out now, especially with d track records in ur family. your mother is a woman and a mother, i advice u sit her down and tell her all u've been through with d discharge thing and all. tell her it is a miracle you found a man who is willing to stick with u even in ur Quagmire. if u can warm ur way through her, she can get to ur dad.
the Lord be with u.
Tell your father and mother that you are pregnant and you are getting married ,finito ,all die na die.
ReplyDeleteHello dearie I think you should talk to your father first before going for the burial. Don't start by telling him u were pregnant o.......
ReplyDeleteStart by telling him you were raped. At age 16.. And tell him everything you went through or even copy and send him what u wrote on this blog, or modify and end the conversation by telling him how ur boyfriend stood by u and is willing to marry despite everything then tell him what the doctor said and then drop the bomb telling him u r pregnant.
Now he may decide he is going to forgive u and allow u cme for the burial or he may decide never to see you again now it is up to him.
But u need to tell him what you went through, however pray before having atheist conversation.......
You don't have any problem cause your hubby loves, supports and cares for you....... So even if u r disowned there is someone who cares for u......
Sweetheart pray, it will be fine and try to relax........
Chai, touching story bt ur parents wil stil hav 2 find out, itz so unfortunate bt as long as he's willing 2 marry u n stil further ur education, dts gud. Ur dad wil b angry cos of pride bt I blive he'l forgive u definitely. So pissed rite nw, had a wardrobe malfunction.
ReplyDeleteyou are a christain I suppose, can you get your pastor involve in this? fast and pray about this as well...it is well with you.atinuke
ReplyDeleteArrange a private meeting with ur mum with ur sister present. Beg her and tell her all that u passed through after the abortion. With her support, u have no problem. U guys would from there strategize on how to tell your dad. Trust me, he won't kill u. But u suggest, after the strategy, u should talk with both ur dad and mum together in the presence of someone u know he respects and cos of the way ur dad is, maybe ur mum too should act shocked like age is hearing the news for the first time. Trust me, u'll be fine.
DeleteMeanwhile, in the process, appeal to ur dad's emotions. Tell him u know he has so much believe in u and this, won't make u stop halfway. you'll be fine OK?
Fast n pray in pregnancy? Make una de fear God o. Hian
DeleteMy dear, you need a life beyond your parents. Think about your unborn child and how to raise your home.at 22 your parents should reason with you. He has accepted his responsibility, so I don't see any issue here
ReplyDeleteWith all these naratives the earlier you make good use of the opportunity you have the better for you. Whether good or bad your parent has their own cross and you have yours.
ReplyDeleteYou can attend the burial but I suggest you go with your fiance and probably some elderly people before the burial day, call you parent have a heart to heart discussion with them, (though it will be tough) let them understand that you are still on the track of acquiring a masters degree and a phd as they desire but you will at same time be building a family to avoid stories that touch; in future.
Get your mum aside, possibly with your sister or an aunt let her know all you have been going through since the abortion and let her understand better the reason for your actions and pass same message across to your dad.
If you aquire the whole degree in the world and no child to call your own in marriage I bet you, your very own parent won't be glad and they will be singing a different hymn.
So face the challenge of breaking the news to them and settling down whatever the situation. With time they will forgive you and move on, especially your mum.
Just be resolute in your decision.
Poster just beg ur mum to talk to ur dad b4 u go home..dunno wat oda advice to give uu ohh....but plz don't tink too much God will help uuu
ReplyDeleteMy advice Is kinda long so read it carefully, first go to ur mum with ur fiancee and make sure she forgives u, she MUST forgive you. Then send people to go help you beg ur dad before the burial, make sure u do the begging before the burial, after begging and begging there are two things involved; its either he says u bring ur fiancee nd start ur wedding arrangement or he insist u give birth buh do ur masters nd phd before getting married, either way make sure u attend the burial so far he already knows bouh the pregnancy. If he insists u do ur master nd phd before marriage, don't argue with him, provide he would be the one to fund the programme, Then when you are alone with ur fiancee, ask him if he is willing to wait until u complete the two programme, if he say yes then good for you, buh he most probably would say he can only wait for you to do ur masters. If he says he can only allow the masters then do ur masters dat wud be 2years den work for a year, by then u will be a 25 year old single mom. If at that tym ur dad is still insisting on the phd, as I said earlier don't argue with him, just tell ur fiancee to impregnante u again, and if after becoming a 25years old master holder with a kid and another pregnancy ur dad still doesn't agree to ur marriage den my sisiter see a very hot pastor cus he must be using u gals for charm. Why else would a father insist her 25years old masters holder daugther who already has a child nd his pregnant with the second for a man who is ready to settle down not to get married?
ReplyDeleteChei! You are dumb sha.no offence
DeletePoster, it is what it is and here is my advice... U re pregnant already, if ur mum cannot tell ur father the situation of things, then travel ahead of other members with ur fiancee to see ur father and ask him to forgive u but give his consent for ur wedding after the burial. On no account should u abort the baby. If they refuse, go n give them time to come around. Also give ur life to Christ and pray more.
ReplyDeleteOhh wow! U saw bones? It's a miracle u r pregnant again my dear and u r quite young. Just do d right fin
ReplyDeleteAm the poster of the story, am greatful to everyone that took there time to commemt. Am a Yoruba lady and my sister told me to give birth and after I will come home to inform them of my plans about marriage. And after the marriage I will tell my dad about the child. She said I don't have to come to the burial so far all my cousins aren't coming.
ReplyDeleteOh good for u then, pls stay strong.
DeleteI quite agree wit ur sis considering ur health(bp) and again d offence wil be lighter if u did not show @ d burial in order to save ur dad d embrassment too. My advice is dis visit home wit ur fiance after d burial to meet wit ur family, and proceed to court wit ur sis n doz beside u on dis for a court wedding. Evrytin wil fall in place after ur baby's arrival,,,,,,,,,safe girl!!
DeletePls stay strong dear. It's well with u.
DeletePoster..i would advise you to visit your dad with an elderly person with records of your health history. He might be upset but he will surely understand. And if possible, after the burial..let your boyfriend visit him and tell him of his intention to marry you. Things might seem very difficult but have at the back of your mind that" this too will pass". I wish you all the best and safe delivery.
ReplyDeleteGod truly loves u dear. Your parents love u too. I'm not supporting abortion but I think they had to do that for u, so u could goto school. Thank God it paid of. I think you should inform your dad urself over the phone before you go. So that he's aware from the horses mouth and also, so he doesn't suffer a heart attack seeing preggos you. I'm suggesting this because if he suffers a heart attack, ur mom is too weak to handle ur younger ones alone.... and safe delivery in advance..
ReplyDeleteWhatever decision and subsequent action you take, make sure your fiance is with you. You guys should either tell him together on the phone or go see him together. Make sure he is with you every step of the way, not only for your sake but that of his child (I don't trust your dad).
ReplyDeleteSorry for what you went/and still going through. Keep praying and take care of you.
Wow, Stella me sef open mouth; I only have a word of prayer for you " that God will go ahead of you and cause you to have favour in you father's sight". Pele
ReplyDeleteGod bless you my dear. Sorry to hear you were raped. God bless you. You are indeed a strong woman. I know you know God has forgiven you. The fact that you under the shadow of the Almighty you under his protection. 4yrs endurance and all.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, fear didn't protect you when you had the foul discharge. Your focus on the Lord and determination for healing did. Same goes with fear of your Dad's opinion. YOur focus on the Lord, determination for peace will see you through. Tell the Lord you are afraid and he will heal and provide.
The heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord.
I will also advice you that as you go for the burial. Be inconspicuous.And rest that God loves you. Not everyone should know your business. Only your parents and siblings should know you are getting married. Mum's the word to the whole family.
Reason being, delay in marriage in your family. Parents living separate lives. Rape assignment to also delay your future and your perspective. Not everybody that smiles at you is wishing you well.
I bind every controlling spirits and Jezebels to be brought down and exposed in Jesus Name. God bless you.Do no be worried sing Jesus Loves me this I know.
from my inbox
ReplyDeleteI was once in a similar position as the poster. I was someone my dad always brag about but when the mistake happened I met with people for advice just like she is doing now and thank God I followed the best advice. First I told my elder sister who met with mum and after their discussion they called me and she asked me some important questions about the guy and his family who they're familiar with though. Then my mum had to meet with some family members that can approach dad as he's the tough type and when they explained everything to him, trust me it wasn't funny at all even though I was not there. He told them that he doesn't want to see me or even the baby so I packed out of the house. As God would have it, I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and after a month something happened to my dad that made him sober so I had to grab that opportunity to meet him. I didn't enter the sitting room to meet him directly but my elder sister did and immediately she entered with the baby in her arm, dad was shocked at first and he asked what was happening then my sister tearfully told him that the baby was mine so as he was just staring at the baby, I was peeping from outside then my sister waved me in then I quickly rushed in and knelt down before him sobbing like the prodigal daughter asking for his forgiveness o. That was how the whole bruhaha ended o. At the end he was even carrying the baby and calling him sweet names. That is my story and I really pray and hope you don't go through it roughly the way I did during the whole "leave my house immediately" ish cos I didn't find anything funny at all then. Wishyou all ythe best and by the way my boy is already 14 now and am very very proud of him. I hope you post this my long comment o dear Stella best boo of life.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeletelemme try to make this very brief.
1. do not attend the burial. Don't!
2. Keep praying for your fiancé to always be this loving and supportive and stay true and committed to him.
3. call your mum, sit with her and tell her all you went thru after that abortion hence the reasons you took in. Much as she is disappointed, deep down she will understand. she may keep acting disappointed to save face from your dad.
4. I pray for your safe delivery. After the baby has been born, go with the baby and your fiancé to see your dad. at that point your fiancé is going to ask for your dad's blessings for marriage and all other explanations can follow.
PS: the sight of a new born softens the heart of a father especially if you are a child he favours.
all the best!
you see...
ReplyDeleteI just posted my comment and saw stella's - from my inbox.
it is well with you
Sweetheart, from your write-up, I gather the live issue is how to confront your dad and get his approval and blessing for your wedding in spite of the pregnancy? Because the other issues have been overtaken by events.
ReplyDeleteFrom the picture you've painted of your dad, it will be less than smart to happen on him with a protruding belly and an unfamiliar man by your side. That abruptness will be too intense even for the most rational parent. I'm afraid the threat to your blood pressure will be secondary to that of your dad's. He is already emotionally destabilized by the death and burial of his father so you can expect an overreaction. He has to cope with the fact that his plans for you as per furthering your education are now thwarted, his brain has to slowly process the idea that his 22 year old daughter has been knocked up by a man he knows nothing about, therefore robbing him of the "fatherly satisfaction" of vetting his prospective son-in-law. Oh! Let's not forget he's waiting for you to purge yourself of the disrespect of not showing up for Christmas. No, my darling, attending your grandpa's burial with out 1st furnishing your dad with the current situation report will cataclysmic!
Find a way to persuade your mum and your sister to meet with your dad and inform him of your condition. Baby, you have to brace yourself for whatever the outcome will be, because this is the price you have to pay. It could have been worse, at least you have the father of the child supporting and taking care of you and is ready to marry you. It's not an idea situation but what's done is done.
Now, the most important part, honey make sure you take good care of yourself and try to avoid any form of stress. I don't want to scare you but the 7th month of pregnancy is critical because it's very easy to have a pre-term delivery(God forbid). From what you wrote, you are carrying a miracle in your womb, honey, do whatever it takes to make sure your actions don't rob you of that priceless gift. Time, they say, heals all wounds. Your dad will come around eventually. All the best, my darling.
#e-bearhugs.
Hmmmmmmm,God....
ReplyDelete~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
The deed has being done. You cant do anything about the preggy for sure. I suggest you just find a way to get your mum on your side. Surely she must understand.
ReplyDeleteMy dear the best you can do now is to make a possitive decision and stand on it,,later all will come back to you with respects,,
ReplyDeleteask your husband to be to go ahead before you to meet and talk with your father asking him your hands in marriage,maybe with his parents,let only your elder sister leads them to your family house,after them explaining all to your father he must understand ,let them includes to him that the issue is about dead or life as doctor has said,then later call your father and pleased for ur mistakes and tell him all about the rape,good luck and always standing stronger,from swiss
Better....be strong love...
ReplyDeleteBetter....be strong love...
ReplyDeletekeep that child you are lucky to have gotten pregnant because what you have usually leads to ectopic pregnancy
ReplyDeleteAs a doctor would advise you do series of scans to ensure your pregnancy is in the right place.
You are also lucky to have a good man that is ready to settle down
pray and ask God for forgiveness and go and meet your dad
explain all to him
if he gets upset it will only be for a while he will get over it
just make sure you and hubby are independent so you won't have to go and meet him with your expenses
keep that child you are lucky to have gotten pregnant because what you have usually leads to ectopic pregnancy
ReplyDeleteAs a doctor would advise you do series of scans to ensure your pregnancy is in the right place.
You are also lucky to have a good man that is ready to settle down
pray and ask God for forgiveness and go and meet your dad
explain all to him
if he gets upset it will only be for a while he will get over it
just make sure you and hubby are independent so you won't have to go and meet him with your expenses
keep that child you are lucky to have gotten pregnant because what you have usually leads to ectopic pregnancy
ReplyDeleteAs a doctor would advise you do series of scans to ensure your pregnancy is in the right place.
You are also lucky to have a good man that is ready to settle down
pray and ask God for forgiveness and go and meet your dad
explain all to him
if he gets upset it will only be for a while he will get over it
just make sure you and hubby are independent so you won't have to go and meet him with your expenses
keep that child you are lucky to have gotten pregnant because what you have usually leads to ectopic pregnancy
ReplyDeleteAs a doctor would advise you do series of scans to ensure your pregnancy is in the right place.
You are also lucky to have a good man that is ready to settle down
pray and ask God for forgiveness and go and meet your dad
explain all to him
if he gets upset it will only be for a while he will get over it
just make sure you and hubby are independent so you won't have to go and meet him with your expenses
You should have told your mum about the pregnancy before now. You are 7 months gone and your parents don't know about it. That is very unfair, at least you should have told them that someone wants to marry and that you are already pregnant. They may be angry initially but they will later cool down.
ReplyDeleteI will advice that you tell your dad about it before travelling for the burial, it will not be fair for him to just see you with a protruding tummy without any prior knowledge. If he says you should stay away from the burial then do so to avoid any unnecessary stress. But try and beg him to forgive you. May be after the burial which I doubt because the family is still mourning or after putting to bed the guy will come and do the necessary thing. Don't be afraid but stand your ground, they will eventually give way.
You knw you wolud av to let them know eventually, my candid advice, am sure dere would be smone in your family that your dad would respect or probably close to or mayb his pastor, imam u knw . Don't go telling him all by ursef, u would defintely go through a lot tryin to make him see reason so prepare.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I almost throw up while reading this, u know what dear, the deed has bn done and even if ur dad disown u has God did? No, what u will do is this, since ur mummy was d architect of d first abortion that nearly take ur life,she's d cause of what u'v gone thro, call ur mum and tell her all u'v bn thru all this yrs, she shld give u all d support u need now, don't mind whatever ur dad will say dear, ur life and ur unborn baby is what is as take now and u shld also consider that man "ur fiancée" who stood by u all this while, its not all man that can stand this, he's truly in love with u. Abi ur papa go like u more to gather all d certificate in the whole world and @ the end u go bigin de find husband and pikin @ the 11th hour? Pls appreciate God when he answers prayers oo.
ReplyDeletePoster: Follow your sisters advice. Don't go for the burial. Too many complications will come out of it- your dad boiling in anger at seeing you heavy, including the unpleasant airing your ishs before relatives and friends at a burial ceremony. All your cousins won't be coming so which one is your own? Stay away.
ReplyDeleteLet me help from my own experience.
I have a junior sister who fell into the exact same situation as yours (minus the infection). Doctors had advised her to get pregnant quickly but she didn't tell anyone. What happened was that when she found she was pregnant, her fiancé came personally to talk to my mother, begged her and made his intentions known. My mother was sad initially because my sister was a very brilliant girl and we all had high hopes for her. She stopped calling or talking to my junior sister. But I spoke with my mother and reminded her that from our calculations, she (my mum) also must have got pregnant at that age (22) and she hadn't even finished school by then-and it was also out of wedlock!. I stood up for my sister. I called my elder sister in Canada who also spoke in the same tone to my mum. My mum thawed when she heard both our opinions. So my mum agreed to speak to my dad and take whatever blame he would put on her. He was annoyed at first but later calmed down when my mum got so many family members to speak to him. All this while, we kept my junior sister away from him. Eventually, he agreed and a quiet but decent wedding was done 2 weeks before she put to bed!
So darling, the handling matters a lot. Take it one step at a time and use your older sisters to help you out-including the one living with him!
Poster: Follow your sisters advice. Don't go for the burial. Too many complications will come out of it- your dad boiling in anger at seeing you heavy, including the unpleasant airing your ishs before relatives and friends at a burial ceremony. All your cousins won't be coming so which one is your own? Stay away.
ReplyDeleteLet me help from my own experience.
I have a junior sister who fell into the exact same situation as yours (minus the infection). Doctors had advised her to get pregnant quickly but she didn't tell anyone. What happened was that when she found she was pregnant, her fiancé came personally to talk to my mother, begged her and made his intentions known. My mother was sad initially because my sister was a very brilliant girl and we all had high hopes for her. She stopped calling or talking to my junior sister. But I spoke with my mother and reminded her that from our calculations, she (my mum) also must have got pregnant at that age (22) and she hadn't even finished school by then-and it was also out of wedlock!. I stood up for my sister. I called my elder sister in Canada who also spoke in the same tone to my mum. My mum thawed when she heard both our opinions. So my mum agreed to speak to my dad and take whatever blame he would put on her. He was annoyed at first but later calmed down when my mum got so many family members to speak to him. All this while, we kept my junior sister away from him. Eventually, he agreed and a quiet but decent wedding was done 2 weeks before she put to bed!
So darling, the handling matters a lot. Take it one step at a time and use your older sisters to help you out-including the one living with him!
Poster: Follow your sisters advice. Don't go for the burial. Too many complications will come out of it- your dad boiling in anger at seeing you heavy, including the unpleasant airing your ishs before relatives and friends at a burial ceremony. All your cousins won't be coming so which one is your own? Stay away.
ReplyDeleteLet me help from my own experience.
I have a junior sister who fell into the exact same situation as yours (minus the infection). Doctors had advised her to get pregnant quickly but she didn't tell anyone. What happened was that when she found she was pregnant, her fiancé came personally to talk to my mother, begged her and made his intentions known. My mother was sad initially because my sister was a very brilliant girl and we all had high hopes for her. She stopped calling or talking to my junior sister. But I spoke with my mother and reminded her that from our calculations, she (my mum) also must have got pregnant at that age (22) and she hadn't even finished school by then-and it was also out of wedlock!. I stood up for my sister. I called my elder sister in Canada who also spoke in the same tone to my mum. My mum thawed when she heard both our opinions. So my mum agreed to speak to my dad and take whatever blame he would put on her. He was annoyed at first but later calmed down when my mum got so many family members to speak to him. All this while, we kept my junior sister away from him. Eventually, he agreed and a quiet but decent wedding was done 2 weeks before she put to bed!
So darling, the handling matters a lot. Take it one step at a time and use your older sisters to help you out-including the one living with him!
Abeg what has she done that warrant her to go and beg her mum for forgiveness? Was is her fault that she was raped? Her mum is suppose to ask God to forgive her cos she was the person that took her for abortion!! She's not suppose to get angry with her, she is suppose to be thankful that God even send a man that cares abt her and stand by her.
ReplyDeleteYou are lucky to have a man who has been helping you carry your cross. If your pregnancy is not showing, you can attend the burial. If it is, don't go if you are Igbo, as this will upset your dad the more.
ReplyDeleteWhatever be the case, never abort this pregnancy! Rose
Dis one pass me o
ReplyDeleteThank God that after everything you have being through you have come out victorious... Follow interesting stories at helentas.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteDear 1st of all... if you mum wouldn't listen or call you. . Tell your sister this whole story let her tell your mum. if she knows you went through all that and it could affect your womb trust me she will help you tackle your father. By all means make your mother know this story the exact way you have told us. if your mum can get to understand you she will manage your father. You are so lucky to have a supportive fiance not many of them are like him.
ReplyDelete@ Stella, I'm soon new to your blog and this will be my very first comment. I'd love to commend Ur impressive way of giving back and encouraging others to too! Givers never lack, Ur blog is very different as U available detailed information on stories even shared on other Naija blogs, for that I duff my hat..ride on!!!
ReplyDeleteTo this ish @ hand, my sweetie let me tell U a little story about me then U can deduce which way U want to swing!
I am the 1st of 5 very well educated kids from a well to do family also a Muslim, at your exact age is met nice handsome man who was well behaved, matured and well read too willing to marry me but a Xtian. We were so in love with each other and he adored the ground that I walked on, I took out 2 press for him not because he wasn't ripe for marriage but because of our religious issues not from us but from our parents most especially my Mum.
Anyway, we eventually parted ways but he was the love of my life! Years down the line is met a Muslim man to marry & was it a mistake? Oh, yes I big one because it was the opposite of the bliss I had experienced with the man I walked away from because I wanted to satisfy my parents wish!!!
My dear I had a son from that marriage but had to run for dear life owing to domestic violence and aggression!
At 40 now in a loving relationship with guess who a Xtian and guess what my parents apologised to me for their myopic views back then and are urging me to get married Asap to this guy and have other kids!!!
If U search your soul and you know this guy is worth the risk my dear your soul will thank you years down the line and as for your parents they will come round and proudly hug you when you become a success!!!
A word they say is enough for the wise and only a fool cuts off his nose inspite of his face, darling.
I commit U in God's Hands and pray that He leads U and guides U to and through the right path, Amin...
All the best, Lady Tee...
Tell your mum abt it and find a way of meeting her you and your fiance without your dad knowing abt it, then tell her what she did and the damage and how it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Tell her that both of you plan to do a registry before giving birth. She can tell your dad.
ReplyDeleteI know someone who got pregnant by a non-Nigerian guy and when her mum died, she was 7months preg n had to lie that she has exam, it was after everything that her dad found out and was angry by that time she has done marriage registry. The man disowned her but somehow somehow, he changed his mind that was via prayers o, they came back Nigeria n her dad was so happy to see his grand son.
My dear, your case is not new just trust GOD and don't think over it cause of your pregnancy. YOUR MUM shld get in, she needs to know everything even what the Doctor(s) said. Goodluck.
My dear, call your mom and explain everything to her, shes a woman i bet she will understand. if what the doctor said is true, will your parents bear to have a Gods given opportunity of you getting pregnant go just like that? none of this was your fault and good thing your fiance understands and is there for u. who says a mother cant get a masters degree and Phd?after speaking with your mom, you people can now go and see your dad, maybe a day before the burial. above all, pray for Gods grace. p/s, i dnt suggest you go the first time with your fiance warm up to ur dad before involving him.
ReplyDelete