NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
DEALING WITH AN OBSESSED EX
How does one deal with an obsessed ex? I am Yoruba and he is Ibo. My family objected and he did not fight for me so I moved on. He got married though right before his wedding he wanted us to run away together. I pitied the bride and refused. Please note that we are not sleeping together. He even invited me to his wedding and I refused because it is not proper. Now he has kids and will not leave me. It is even worse.
How does one deal with an obsessed ex? I am Yoruba and he is Ibo. My family objected and he did not fight for me so I moved on. He got married though right before his wedding he wanted us to run away together. I pitied the bride and refused. Please note that we are not sleeping together. He even invited me to his wedding and I refused because it is not proper. Now he has kids and will not leave me. It is even worse.
I have a boyfriend I am serious with. Anytime I try to stop talking to him, see drama. So he said if I come to his child's birthday then he will leave me alone. I told my boyfriend and my boyfriend wants to drive me there. Knowing how he feels about me and my boyfriend na soldier in fact the potential problem that can happen is very scary.
How can someone be married and so obsessed with another. Truly if we didn't have the issue from my family we may have been married now as then his friend hinted me he was getting ready to propose, reason why I told my family about him and they objected. We had a very good relationship, maybe that is why I feel bad that he has become so unhappy like this because he is a good guy. I have tried everything to let him go, he refuses.
Infact if I try to ignore him, I won't have peace. *tears*
You sound like you are also unconsciously holding unto him..if you dont want,you dont want!..he cannot force you.please walk away and leave him to face his wife.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
DATING AN INSECURE PERSON AND THE CONSEQUENCES..
I have been dating my current boyfie since July. I can sing his praises all year, as he has being my support system beyond what anyone can ever envision, sometime in November he left for the states on business, all was well between us, if anything I think we became closer.
Fast toward to last week, we just started quarreling for no reason in particular. He even changed his flight to the 17th or so stating he hasn't completed his business.I was upset being that I had missed him greatly and I am also leaving soon for my masters.
So I was sleeping on Saturday night like I do on every other night, I wont lie I heard my phone ringing but was to tired to pick cos I have been in the prayer zone for a while and have been having little or no sleep... Well,plus I have been having anxiety attacks.
Yesterday morning I noticed my phones ringing fervently, but I couldn't pick.. It was Sunday, I dey church.
As I was on my way home I called him,only for him to start accusing me that he called me last night and heard me moaning as another man was screwing me. Initially I thought it was a joke o... it had to be.
Only for him to say I insulted him, that I was moaning like a cow while another man was on me... At this point I was the one insulted and furious.
I called back hoping he was going to say he was playing, he didn't want to talk to me again, saying he called me at about 6 am cos he wanted to talk to his girl and he heard me for over 20 mins moaning while screwing another man, and him spanking my bum.
I got off the phone, sent him my call log from my Google+ back up (meaning I can't alter the call logs) and told him to send me the recording of the sexcapade since he said he recorded it. till this minute he still hasn't sent it. instead he is saying I should go and finish all the men in Lagos ( I went to lagos for my interview and waiting to collect my visa/passport).
He has always been insecure when it comes to me, he thinks I would sleep with people when he isn't around.
So my question are...
1).is this just he's insecurity getting the best of him??
2). Is he trying to let me down easy, thus this false claims??
3).is there any other way to prove that it's definitely not me he spoke to?? Cos truly I was asleep, or any other reason this could have happened??
4). Should I just completely forget him, and accept it as God's will ( I have been asking God for directions, since I wouldn't be around, and I don't know how I would make this long distance relationship work for the two years I'm gone).
5). Or have I presented myself I such a bad light that I'm a cheat, abi a
moaning cow, that he would think I would sleep with someone else.
Please bv's I need advice... any advice at all on how to handle this, cos I'm truly broken right now, have no idea on what to do. Have been crying,my Sunday was just ruined.
Would really like to get your opinion about this, especially aunty stelz, goldscent,miss genny, moi, general's wife,pink berry, adorah, bloglord..... Can't even remember my favourite/analytical bvs anymore... My head is just frozen, infant my entire body.
*hmmmm....he is probably joking or hallucinating.why dont you wait to see him face to face before you make any decisions?
Trust issues like this in a relationship aint funny.
I dont know what else to say honey.
I trust blog visitors to handle this well....
Stellosky good afternoon, how you dey? Let me sit and wait for comment
ReplyDeleteAbi na...if you don't want someone, u don't want. change your number very easy. You sef still wan do
DeleteHeard u moaning, heard d guy slapping ur bum hian dt hin ear na satellite dish oooo he heard all dt just thru the fone
DeleteAbeg he is giving u the red light, the guy aint interested anymore
Wat a lame way to lay a girl off
Mtshewww
Poster 1,
DeleteWhat exactly do u want to hear? Women are gifted on how to block off someone they truly don't want. Are u a man? U know what to do, Buh because u are also still inlove with ur ex, u are putting the obsession* blames on him! U are the obsessed one. I suggest u confront ur demons and conquer it... Arrange and meet him in a public eatery, be sincere and voice ur heart and soul to him that day (good and bad), let him do so too... Afterwards, iron out reasons why u both have to move on and let him see it too. there and there, delete contacts, block the blockables and walk away without looking back. Make sure u ask God to guide u before this! all d best*
Poster 2:
I doubt u need advice as u have already ass licked the people's advice u want (don't get y u pple do this rubbish)... however, I don't feel u should end things just yet. I am not for any of ur listed reasons. The distance is big and someone that is insecure is insecure. It is ur duty to make them *secure* if u truly love them. Even u indirectly wants out cos'f ur masters. Hold on till u see him on the 17th before jumping into conclusions. All d best*
Lie from,the pit of hell. How do you make someone secure when they are grossly insecure. If you do not give them any reason to think you are cheating,they have to deal with their own demons. She is not meant to be with this guy. Later he will say you are screwing half of yankee. You better shine your eyes
DeleteN1:
DeleteIt was true love, but then it didn't work. From all indications, he still loves you. And then hidden somewhere, you still have something for him.
I suggest you cut all contacts. And move on.
Don't pick his calls so he would know how serious you are.
Don't be the reason why another woman would weep. Okay?
You know these emotions can get the better part of us. You may think you trust yourself, but anything can happen.
Cut off all ties Nd move on.
N2: sweety stop crying. Get a grip if yourself. Your life has not ended.
It's either this guy has serious issues or he just wants to break up with you. I think it's d second option because this incident has never happened before. Right?
For the sake of all things new and shiny, he doesn't even have proofs. He is just playing with your emotions and with how volatile your emotions are now he is obviously having a field day.
Call him and make him understand what happened and ask him what is the next step. It's more likely he would tell you he is not interested or he wants sometime to think.
And then, this may just be the answer to your prayers. *laughs.
Maybe God has something better for you.
Honey, don't settle for less. Don't settle for a man who would always drum into your ears that your sleeping with all his friends just like that
Don't push anything.
Let it play out
And please you would heal.
He obviously doesn't trust you
Ask God to help you thru it.
Okay?
* hugs
You have a great future ahead of you.
Ps. I hope your not engaging in pre marital sex. It breeds suspicion in relationships. You can ask around.
The truth is that we all have this instinct, God giving signs if things would ever go well. So I guess u know the ans for both 2 posters
DeleteIf you truly love dem...you make dem secure......love love love...word for days abeg
DeleteAnon 4:16 shuoooo**...
DeleteIf u have nothing reasonable to say, why attack urself under anon? If u have never shown unconditional love to someone in ur lifetime, don't poison the souls of those who can.
#shiftonesidejare#
*it's not by force to reply my opinion u hear?*
#i'mout#
Poster 1, you are still holding on to him, you might as well just cut off all links with this man.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, this man is trying to get rid of you!
Poster 1, pls change your num, you re not ready to move on,you re still in love with your ex. Poster 2, your boo is looking for excuse to break up with you, so at this junction just ve an open mind that anything can happen n wait for him to return n see what happens.
DeleteWhat annoys me about dese stories is dat d 2 posters alredy nos d answers to deir questions.i mean poster 1,if u really dont want him anymore change ur number..dats wat i did.so its obvious u are enjoying al d attention nd drama about to unfold...poster 2 i hav notin to say to u as u already no d bv's advice u seek.
Delete@ My Opinion,an insecure guy is insecure to the root, there's nothing you can do in this world to make him feel secure. I live with one and can tell you all. If mine had a way of fixing an ass monitor, he would have, but I doubt if he would feel secure still. He got me a driver (which I know is his spy), even as all I do is go to school run and back. No grocery shopping, practically no visiting friends, all in a bid to secure his trust. But Na lie. I should state here that the driver is an old rickety guy o. He uses the young driver.
DeleteAnd you still live with this guy?
DeleteAnon 10:26, restrategise. Give him a taste of his own medicine! It's time for u to start acting* insecure... (follow him up too, have his time and he'll reduce the madness)
DeleteLove changes a lot believe me! U follow men with the mirror back* rule sometimes!
All d best*
Poster 2
ReplyDeleteThe answer to your question is No 2 and 4
Shikenah
Some of these stories have become so desperate and sad. How can someone tell me i called them and i was moaning and I KNOW i slept alone and that didnt happen yet i put up such depressing story. What sort of remote control is such a man using on me that would make me start to question my sanity. What sort of manipulation is that for Christ sake?
DeletePoster 1 you are a woman and a married one at that. Every mature girl in this world KNOWS what to do when they dont need a man no more. If you are still struggling with that certainly you have your eyes on that man too. Just grow up please!
@1, is very obvious u still ve feelings for ur "married" ex, stop picking his call and stay 1 million miles away from him,,abi una dey live for the same house
ReplyDelete@2, give him space a beg,I don't like men who feel their girl friends phone must be in their pant 24/7. If he doesn't trust u now he still won't trust u after marriage.
N1- if your truly don't want any more of you ex, loose his number. You said he doesn't want o let go but you haven't let go of his contacts.
ReplyDeleteCut off totally from him and that solves it.
N2- oh please! Dude is just making up excuses. He wants out already. Prolly he has another girl in the picture, looking for excuses to end it with you. Be wise! Connect the dots.
My thoughts exactly. P2- that's the first thing that came to my mind. 1st he shifted his coming back, now stories that touch. Me thinks he us looking for excuses to call it quites. Pause for a while, don't beg, don't do anything....stand tour ground and don't even cry again. Why are you even crying ehnnn? Don't do that. You did nothing wrong. Use your head and don't let nay man make you feel this way.
DeleteP1- You are not serious, if you wanna make him stop ypy will!
Pipi lee where are you biko. Am missing you crazy. #ilovepipilee
DeleteMadam poster, he is insecure just like my bf. My bf calls any number that sends a strange sms to my fone...he also accuses me of not saving some numbers so he won't know who is calling...if u can cope, go on. If u can't, abeg move on. No guy is your life.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, its ur decision to make wether u will go to the child party or not cos I don't seem to understand what he will gain except he has a plan to kidnap and probably rape you. Also u have not given the guy a red card.why do you still pick his calls or return his s.m.s if part of you don't want him.I think his obsession will vanish if u want it to
DeletePoster 2, the only thing I have to tell u is that ur boyfriend is looking for a way to end the relationship. I had a frnd it happened to .just from nowhere her man changed,its a similar story too,d guy travelled out and d next thing is he is getting married to a supposed ex. wait for his return and let him tell u face to face what his problem is. at least u v asked him to provide a proof
You do know your boyfriend is the type that will be abusing you when you get married. Una no dey use your eyes take see these mad men
DeleteThank you Anon 4:17. I just taya for we women sometimes. Na from clap this abuse thing dey enter dance. Close marking go soon turn slap. Let us be wise and save ourselves from future BV chronicles that touch oh!
DeletePoster num 1
ReplyDeleteWhen a woman says NO,and means it..most sane men understand..i don't know how strict you have been dear..and oh,he might not be unhappy ooh..it will just shock you! You don't need to go to that birthday if you don't want to!! Don't be blackmailed please...and another piece of advice,don't get your man involved! You will be amazed at how events will turn out and you end up losing your man...
Poster num 2
Moaning like a cow? Is that the way he talks to you? I am shocked to say the least!! Spanking you on the bum?
Oh well,i know men have different strategies of dumping..."it is not you,it is me" and this is tactics he is using now...if you were having. sex with him before..please stop for now...relax and watch things unfold...
And this tactics*
DeleteSpot on!
DeleteOn point!
DeleteRemember a relationship without trust is useless. No need.
ReplyDelete@poster2,add two plus two together, it is that simple
Delete1] My dear what u need to do is cut off all contact with that man nd move ib with ur life cos from ur story, u sound as if u still want him back. Let him face his wife nd u ur bf..!
ReplyDelete2] Dear I think the guy is just looking for a reason to dump u, if not he should ve sent his call log to u already to back up his claims. Just wait it out nd see wat happens..!
I actually don't want him back. Matter of fact after our break up, if they check out phone logs I have never for once called him or texted him. Matter of fact I don't pick his calls. He sends me texts. Before I thought maybe if we are friends and I am cordial he may finally just let go and things will fizzle out. This is after I had tried all I could. I have used different tactics. He won't let go. He also always wants to discuss major life decisions with me and values my opinion. He even puts it to use. He tells me about everything going on in his life. This is even when I don't even respond to his texts. It's really bad. Honestly, I don't know how to be wicked to him because he is one of the best people I know with a very clean mind. I even knew his wife when we were in a relationship, she was his friend. And he moved on to a relationship with her 2yrs after we broke up. He told me all that when it was going on. I know he really loves me and any chance I give him may destroy his marriage. He is not even a player at all or a "sharp" guy. If anyone was sharp in the relationship it was me. Though he is very brilliant and successful but he is an aje butter and not street wise.
DeleteU do no u cld block his number rit?..if ur fone doesnt support it den call ur network provider to block him..its so easy.if u really dont want den threaten to tak it to his wife.dere are a gazillion tins u can do..jeez.
DeletePoster,for your mind now..iwu ukwu sugar!lol
DeleteCalled or texted him first* and I hardly respond
DeleteAre you a learner? Had a similar experience. The guy went to get married to another lady whom he claimed I didn't like but is forced to be case his family were on his case . Tells me virtually everything that happened in the marriage then. I was feeling funky thinking the guy loved me. All na wash. Today, guy has 3 grown up kids from the marriage to a lady who he claimed he didn't like.....took me a few years to wise up. Thankfully, I wasn't seeing with him just hoping he'll one day come back. This is almost 20years ago now.
DeleteMary leave that poster alone jo! A woman claiming she does not know how to ward off man? I just think that is an attention seeking sob story.
DeletePoster 1,u are complaining and praising at d same time, u don't really know what u want.
DeleteNarr. 1- I don't think you have done enough to make him stay away.Go for his son's birthday with your man and mention it in the presence of your man that he should stay away and even delete your contact.
ReplyDeleteNarr.2- Is either he's joking or trying to get rid of you but do not know how to. He might have met someone else during his last trip.
It is well...
I Didn't take notice of any problem in dis 2 narrative!!! Don't have any thing to say cos d 2 narrative can easily be handled.
ReplyDeleteN1, I was reading and getting angry with you at the same time, hear yourself! He is married but he doesn't want to leave you alone? Madam you are a liar! You are the one holding on to another woman's hubby. Any man or woman that says my ex doesn't want to let me go is the one that doesn't want to let the ex go, why? because the moment a man or woman decides to end a relationship you will know how to do it. N2, if you know you are honest with your boyfriend then give him a little space, he should be the one apologizing by now.
ReplyDeleteNo 1: I think u still gat soft spot for him cos u feel he was good to u bla bla bla, dats y u care abt hw he feels nw. The thing is, he is nw married, y can't he allow you face ur relationship. Or u too allow urself face ur relationship nd stop caring abt hw ur ex feels. Cut every link between you two. I know it's nt easy for someone u once cherished, buh it's for ur good nd ur relationship too. If it's possible leave dat town sef. EX is EX haba!!!!
ReplyDeleteNo 2: Are you sure ur bf is nt looking for an excuse to hurt you?? Girl be wise ooooo. As long as u r sure you didn't do it, y should u feel bad if he accusesu. Dats jes to show you the kind of person he is. He wants to hear word from you to know if you were with someone. See, Shey he didn't even record anything buh he's still forming vexation, Jes free d guy nd stop crying.Wat kinda guy would love to see you feel bad unnecessarily. He no worth am abeg
In every relationship, if u can't handle the person or d heat, GET OUT n quit complaining! Haba...it is not by force oo...if u can stay, then stay n stop d complaints.
ReplyDeleteSwerry just calm down and wait for 17 or so when he wud cum and trash it out....his expression wud tell you more...asking him questions and let's see what wud happen..i seriously know how u feeling just calm down everytin wud b fine trust me
ReplyDeletePoster one: I feel you still want to maintain the friendship between you and your ex, and your are justifying that feeling, with it was a good relationship, he is a good guy, etc
ReplyDeleteWell honey, you know what. He is now married. Just ignore his messages, don't reciprocate , even when he throws tantrum about your silence, ignore him
Did I hear you say you want to go for his child's bday, pls wrong move I beg, to wait avail if I may ask, I think you should cut him off entirely for now, so he can focus in his family and you can focus On Ur relationship.
*what
DeleteI hate auto correct.
Sigh
I am not in love with him at all. Matter of fact I moved on immediately after we broke up. His parents even encouraged him and told him to go for his happiness, but it was too late. He did not get married until 4yrs after our break up and he has been consistently begging me or trying to get back with me. When he said we should elope it was to get married. Now I am just clearing up some issues you all may have. I will not change my number because of one person. I have had this number for a very long time. I have tried it all. Sometimes all he wants to do is just talk. If I give him a chance to even sleep with me I know he may end his marriage. So I have never slept with him after we broke up. This is poster 1.
DeleteThough I did genuinely love him but I have moved on sincerely. He has not.
DeleteWow! I was referred to this post by Iphie D's comments on the murdered hubby's post. @ Iphie D: hello my sugar bunny, can't keep up with posts lately, crazy itinerary.
Delete@ #1. Awww! Honey, you've got it bad but you're in denial. Perhaps you really can't see what is hidden in plain sight. You are still in love with your ex and, going by your comments, he loves you too. You guys are obsessed with each other. Initially, I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt until I started seeing your reply to most comments. You can't monitor and reply comments if your heart is indifferent. As a matter of fact, your story wouldn't even be posted if you've really moved on. Baby, nobody moves on looking backwards.
Some terms you used also betrayed you. When a woman is done with a relationship, trust me, she's DONE. You wouldn't even keep the line of communication open to hear all the lovey dovey pillow talk. You would be so nasty to him that he would have no choice but to let you be. You are even still stating that were he not married, you guys would have hooked up. You feel sad he is miserable? Really? But he is obsessed with you and you are not? Awwwww! Sweetie pie, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...chances are, it ain't an ostrich.
Do you realise your tone is like that of an excited love struck teenager, giddy because her long lost love has returned because he can't go on without her in his life? Unfortunately, love is too strong an emotion for you to will away with the wave of a hand. Like a drug addict who never agrees s/he has a problem, that doesn't change the presence of the addiction. Sometimes, the heart has a mind of its own, it may go in the opposite direction to reason and rationality.
I feel for you, my love, I really do. Yours is a sad tale. Unfortunately, marriage has complicated things so you must learn to let go. Most importantly, please don't commit to any man yet, until you are ready to love again. It appears there are 3 miserable people already, please, don't add a 4th. #e-bearhugs.
#2: Guys, let's cut her some slack. I know it wasn't prudent of her to name names of blog visitors whose advice she values more but, that shouldn't stop us from sharing. After all, other people may benefit immensely from whatever advice we proffer.
DeleteBack to the issue at hand, sweetie, insecurity can be very unattractive in any relationship. However, it may not be safe to rush into conclusions because, there are too many variables. Some people feel insecure if they are dating out of their leagues, some out of shear jealousy, some because they've seen or experienced something that aroused suspicion. Then, of course, some use it as an escape route when they want out of relationships. So, honey, which is it? You're the only one who has an idea which is the closest category he falls under.
As for the calls and the moaning and butt smacking, he may be trying to see your reaction or maybe he's just paranoid. You know what I find disturbing, though? It appears you have already checked out from the relationship but out of guilt or uncertainty, you're trying to justify the break up. You know how fastidious a lady's love is. It defies reason and commonsense. Even when everybody tries to point out her guy's flaws, she snaps into "mama bear" mode and defends him to high heavens and makes excuses for his inexcusable actions. So when a lady exposes the faults of her man and even lays him on the volatile SDKB slaughter table , I look with my eyes squinted because, that's usually the 1st sign of trouble in paradise.
Baby, the choice is yours, really. I only ask that you be honest with yourself and remember that you should always try to work on your relationship because, if you guys can't handle crisis or you bail at the slightest confrontation, you'll take the same attitude to home when you get married. The caveat, however, is be sure your relationship is worth working on. If not, please take a bow gracefully.
Poster 2:since u sent the guy ur call log and he is still acting up, it's possible that he is looking for a way to walk out of the relationship. Assuming u picked and couldn't hear him well, I would have said it's a network problem. Again, it's possible the line he called and heard "a cow moaning" is another person's line and not urs. Just give him some time and if he doesn't come around, kindly forge ahead with ur life. If he is meant to be in ur life, he will definitely catch up.
ReplyDeleteposter 1 tell ur soldier boyf 2 threaten him,poster 2 it cud b call divert
ReplyDeleteNarrative 1: Having an obsessed person in one's life, equals total chaos. My ex was obsessed, to the point that he broke into my house one day through the kitchen window. That guy could give me 40 missed calls in an hour, it was that bad. I ran for my life. I like peace, I wanted quiet. It was horrifying. If you don't want, you don't want. Stop answering his calls. Stop all forms of communication, you're indirectly telling him you still have interest.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know how you people remain friends with the 'ex'. Abeg once I dump you, I don't know you again, we have never met. Simple.
Narrative 2: Say what? Na so dem dey take start oh. Next thing, na break up. These black guys are not loyal abeg.
A white man will tell you straight up, if he's tired he's tired. No long thing.
Well said gurl
DeleteLoll
DeleteJayem you funny o. 40 missed calls in one hour.?? Na you kill Jesus Christ???
Lol
Insecure men? I can't deal abeg!!!
Jayem sushi you don't like peace! Mechie onu GI.
DeletePoster 1 let him go and make him let you be, I mean stop feeling bad that he is unhappy or he will be dramatic if you try to stop talking to him. You guys should have initially fought hard for each other( well I guess you guys tried but the family objection was super strong?). He has moved on and so have you, make e be like dat o. All this he has been a good guy, u don't want to see him unhappy abi what did u say again, na story! I doubt you can both remain good friends as things are now, its not even advisable. You can make him quit his obsession for you if you want to. You've subtly encouraging him that's why he won't quit.
ReplyDeleteI have never encouraged him. However there is no where I will have the mind to insult someone that never did any bad thing to me and treated me with utmost respect. Since the issue came from my family, I did try to let him down gently and reason with him. However, we don't have unnecessary discussions or even talk about sex. Believe it or not he will do anything to just have the chance to sit down at a restaurant with me and we just gist about nothing. These were things we both enjoyed doing when in a relationship. We were very compatible that we could be home together all weekend doing nothing and still not feel bored. When I say he is a good guy, he is a very very good guy. The break up though I know really caused a lot of problems for him and I know the impact it had. I don't try to rub my happiness in his face or disrespect him in any way because I don't have a right to. However I talk to him firmly but he refuses.
DeleteBabe,u hav to be firm cos if dis guy really loves u,he wld see dat he ia hurting u.he has had his chance nd dere is a reason it didnt work out. He is insensitive nd selfish nd if gently is nt working den u nid to mak him see u are serious d hard way..trust me if u dony cut him off completely its gonna kip coming bak to haunt u especially wen u are married nd ur hubby does somtin dat upsets u.
DeleteWell, your decision is up to you. The advice given here are just suggestions, you only, have the final say on how to handle your matter. No matter how strong his obsessions are you can make him leave you alone without insulting him. If ignoring him is termed an insult then you still have space for his obsession. This obsession cycle will not end if you don't completely cut him off. If you are firm enough in a little while he will let go.
DeleteKo
Aunty Poster number 1, all this your English just shows you are clearly not ready to move on. No one is saying insult him or whatever. We're not preteens anymore. The fact is that you are encouraging him. You have no business 'sitting and gisting about nothing' with somebody 's husband. He should go do that with his wife. Ever heard of psychological intimacy? Cheating isn't always sexual. Face your boyfriend and let him face his wife. When you're ready, you'd cut him off. And you don't even need to change your sim. Ignore him totally. Don't even respond to the most mundane of messages. Cut off all contact. Any normal person will get weary of reaching out if he gets no response. You're not ready
Delete(1) your ex just wants to have sex with u for the last time before he finally washes u out of his system! Be wise, be very very wise. (2) unfortunately dear, I've been in exactly same situation, he even stays in America. In my case, he accused me of being a whore just cos I lost my phone n he couldn't reach me for 2 days. When a man wants to dump a woman, he comes up with different excuses. He calls u different names, destroys your self esteem, labels u a whore and generally tries to bring u down.
ReplyDeletePoster
DeleteAs in ehnnnn, if he calls me and I don't pick his call, na to open fbi investigation on my head, as if I dont have a life.
N1
ReplyDeleteYou enjoy the fact he is still obsessed with you. You still want that guy, fact!
If you truly don't want him anymore, you know how to treat him and he will never disturb you again.
Tell yourself the truth, you know you still want him. Search your conscience.
That's all I gathered from your story.
Hear yourself, "right before his wedding he wanted us to run away but I pitied the bride and refused".
Really? You pitied the bride?
Oya clap for yourself for being so kind and sympathetic.
I put it to you now that you are leading him on somehow, you may not even realise it yet.
Block his number, block him from all your social media handle.
Ignore him if you see him anywhere.
Piss him off!
Threaten him with police or anything.
Are you not a woman again?
We know how to make guys we don't want run far away from us.
If I'm wrong and you truly do not still want this guy and you don't enjoy the fact he is obsessed with you, do the needful ASAP.
Poster 2:
My dear you have the answers to your question in your questions number 2 and 4.
Please dust yourself up and move on. He clearly doesn't want you again. Instead of coming out clean about it, he is being a coward by making up false allegations against you.
A clear conscience fears no acusation. Stop feeling guilty for a crime you are not guilty of.
Don't allow him break you.
Be strong ok. Let him go, his loss anyway.
Stop worrying my dear.
Such is life.
We sometimes have to kiss 1 or 2 frogs before we meet our prince charming.
God will send your true man your way soonest.
All the best.
Yes I pitied her because I won't want to be left stranded on the alter either. You sound so bitter. Are you sure you are secure in your marriage? Because I don't know where all your unnecessary talk is coming from
DeletePoster 1, she ain't bitter, she just told u the cold hard truth! U enjoy the attention n u feel secretly happy that someone is willing to do anything for u.
DeleteSolution: get over urself n move on!
Poster u get bad mouth o! Kai!
DeleteHahahahahaha!
DeleteOuch!
For your silly mind, that was a below the belt punch right?
LMAO!
I'm not surprised a confused husband snatcher in the making like you believes every married woman is sad/insecure.
Like you will ever know what martial bliss is even if you do 100 years fasting and prayers.
No be curse oh.
I don't blame you sha.
I blame my cute fingers for bothering to type a response to your sob story.
I know your type, you don't like to hear/read the truth.
Sorry to disappoint you, Genny Baby doesn't mince words. I don't look at faces, I say the truth the way I see it and I also appreciate and accept constructive criticisms too.
If you like take offense or call me names, I don't give a fuck!
This is just a blog after all.
All the childish stories I read from people like you about fake love for your exs doesn't move me at all.
I'm a hardcore realist.
If the "love" was that real and was meant to be, believe me, you would have been the one in his home as his wife and the mother of his kids.
God is not a confusionist.
Better cut off from that guy or get ready to shed more tears after he tears your pussy into shreds with "love".
We all know that's what he wants.
Biko zuzupuo from here let me see better people.
Errmm poster! You brought an issue to this house..just sit back and read comments..don't justify anything..you should have added all these in your narrative...do not go round attacking people! if this your post had just two comments,i wonder if your quest for advice and answers will be satisfied!
DeleteAbeg ooh
@poster 1 she's actually rite. U are enjoying the attention,u know what to do and u don't want to do it. Maybe u're not fulfilled in this ur relationship dat's why u don't want to let him go after all he's married and u're still single after 4 yrs so na so so igbo guys dey chop ur kpomo yoruba guys no like ya punani?
DeletePoster 1,"ara e ko otito oro" meaning "the truth is too bitter for you to accept". You keep responding harshly to those who are telling you the truth.
DeleteSince you already know what you want and you have decided to continue with the "pity game", y bring your story to this blog asking for people's advice and opinions?
You are so intelligent that from people's comment,you know those who are bitter and sound insecure in their marriages, so y ask the "bitter and insecure" people questions?
My advice: Continue with the "pity game",attend his son's birthday party,you may even spend weekends in his home if he invites you because "he was such a nice guy and you pity him" and at the end of it all,come back here and tell us how he dumped your sorry ass and probably lost ur new le boo to d "pity game".
NB:You are free to cuss me out too but i think it will be better to cuss out my fingers bcos na dem type this comment.
Good luck!!!
Hahahahahaha @ zuzupuo...reminds me of my mother
DeleteAssociation of insecure wives. Hahahahahha. Keep being bitter in your little lives. Sleek reek the baboon ITK, so if you type Yoruba it now means what. My dear to the left. All of your talk here is for the birds. Give your advice and move on. Stop displaying bitterness. If you insult, I skip the comment. As for the story teller who has nothing to do than to write epistles, go and count stones.
DeleteGhen ghen. But truth be told Genny u talk thrash sometimes tho. It's cos some pple hype ur epistles so u think uv arrived. When u talk too much u make less sense so stop forming Madame adviser. God catch una posters shebi u were kissing ass asking for specific bvs to advice. Ntorrr. And u poster, u are a foolish girl. See painment na. Nor be u waka come ask questions? Now dem answer u u com dey flex. If u knw Wat to do den fuck outta ere man
DeleteHa ha ha ha ha am really enjoying this drama
DeleteMadam poster it seems you don't like the truth ?
Genny baby you have said it all my dear.
Poster please, insult this guy, threaten to tell his wife.
He will leave u alone ASAP, that's if u want to.
Thank God. I came back to dis post. Na so I for miss drama.
DeleteThe two stories does not make any sense to me. Reason I didn't comment yesterday.
Hahaha.
All of this bitter responses because I asked a question? I must be right then. Most of you here are married women full of regrets. Insecure and unstable. Trying to scare singles into not talking to the useless things you call husband. Looks like a waste of time, you all on this particular genny's post have nothing to offer in advice. I skipped most of it. Lol. Senseless stories from insecure and unhappy desperadoes
DeletePoster 1,u don't need anybody's advice.Please babes,u already know what u want.
DeleteN1. Nne you are holding unto this man, and I guess you are liking the attention too. But please know that entertaining these advances is not right don't encourage it. You are not a child and if you want to put an end to it you can is as simple as that. I know you both shared something but that is in the past, his wife and children are his future now.
ReplyDeleteN2,
Nne I identify with you I use to be in a relationship where the guy was always accusing me of being unfaithful meanwhile na him dey do things ooo. I never cheated on him anyway he would usually make such accusations. in my own case i ended it. I was raised in an abusive family and my father na baba when it comes to cheating and accusing mumsy so whenever i dictate that in a man na run me dey oo. Nne the decision is yours. First I guess it will be good to get an audience from him first without the whole cursing and talk then you can decide. If he is not giving you an audience I suggest you write him a letter.
God Bless
IN
Poster 2: so let me get this straight, this relationship is barely 5months right?
ReplyDeleteWell, you mentioned that he has been your support system, I guess he is already feeling like he is already emotionally involved and maybe he feels insecure because, he doesn't know how deeply you feel for him, some men, esp in distance relationships needs frequent assurance , that they are yours and you don't have someone else in the side .
I think you both should sit down together, confront him in a lovely approach, table your concerns, if you really love him and still want the relationship, reassure him of your love for him, since you will be traveling soon, you both need to be in the same page and you both need to discuss measures that will enable your relationship thrive through this distance
All the best.
On*
DeletePoster:
DeleteI have told him I love him, and God knows o truly do. Even though he says he doesn't believe me.
Because of this same individual I stopped wearing make-up,because he accused me of liking the attention I get from men. I don't go out or hang out with my friends again sef, cos he would use that one to quarrel forever. So at what point did I have the chance to find this superman that would make me moan like a cow??
Called him today, he is supposed to help me do something.he just said when it's done he would send me a text.... Text kwa??
Can't even believe this is my life right now.
Sabongida the guy don tire, he's simply playing on her intelligence and making her seem as if she's at fault
DeleteWow!!! @ poster, if that is the case. Then you leave him to keep brooding over nothing, I beg give him space. If he truly loves you he"ll come around
DeleteIf it is a scheme to dump you, he would just let things slide.
Can u imagine. You even stopped make up because of him
Wife beater in the making!
DeleteFleeeeeeeeee
Why will you stop making up because of a man? And you even stopped hanging out with your friends?
DeleteA relationship is supposed to make you flourish and nor depreciate.
When you start giving up things you love to do because of a man, then there's something wrong somewhere.
This malaria did not allow me access my phones yesterday!! Phewww!!
Delete@poster 1, if u read well, u will observe that most of the advice is directing to one position, do u thing all of us will be deceiving u?? Plz do the needful.
#2.My dear, just let that guy be and concentrate in ur life.
I know u might brood over this but its better u left now, he has even given u the go ahead other with this is flimzy nonsense!!
If this guy marries u ee, u will regret ur life am not exxagerating but am judging him from what u are saying.
Tomorww wen u eventually marries him and look back and forth,No good friends then i wonder how ur life will be.
This is an oppurtunity that God just gave u, flee and never look back. While u will be out doing ur masters, God will gv u a man that will appriciate and make u fulfilled!
Confused much dnt knw wat to say
ReplyDeleteNarrative 1# like stella said leave man alone because you too is obsessed with him,I don't want is I don't want,what is all this you are saying,some family with tribalism
ReplyDeleteNarrative #2# I don't understand all you are saying oh,is obvious he does not trust you or is he trying to ditch you,see him face to face and discuss it
Poster 2, your boyfriend is accusing you of cheating on him because he most likely cheated on you just before he called you. Cheats always accuse others of the exact same thing they do. They feel euphoric when they cheat and get away with it but will go berserk if they think their partner is cheating. I think your boyfriend is accusing you so that you won't be suspicious of his shenanigans.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you've been asking God for a sign regarding your relationship, well there you have it.
P1, u still like this ex of yours, if not, u wont condone all this rubbish. Free him please, he won't force u if u stop taking his calls. Dude got over u too quickly, abeg face ur bf. Ps; no1 cares if yall had sex, it doesn't dictate the end result of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteP2, dude is catching trips with u. Option 4 as u stated up there. If he wants u still, he'd make effort to. He obviously needed an excuse, bang! There u go, moaner. Lol
Number1 report to his wife and relocate what hapned to changing mobiles.unless u also obssesed just pretending to us- as for number 2/ dump the fool
ReplyDelete@Narrative 1>Art thou ingesting intelligence from the thresholds of tutelage??
ReplyDeleteTranslation: "Are u a learner??"
As far as dat guy is an Igbo guy,he never had any intention of marrying u..dont believe what his friend told u oh...U should have waited for him to propose first or meet ur people before u conclude that ur parents rejected him..Who are ur parents to reject an Igbo man?
If u want dat guy to leave u alone,give him pussy make he fuck..Na dat ponmo between ur two legs d guy os after..Its not dat he loves u(he cannot love u more than his wife and kids), he just want u close so dat he will sex u..I guess he spent money on u before d relationship packed up..He will never rest or leave u alone till u bless him with ur 'downstream sector'..Dats how a typical Igbo man behaves...Stop dreaming about him loving u blah blah blah..Face ur new relationship and stay away from him...i guess u love him too..
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Who be dis again? Hahahaha,na wa o
DeleteLol, most of the guys that have proposed to me are Ibo for your information. And these are ibo guys that will never look at your side in your wildest dreams. The best ibo guys the whole tribe has to offer. Young, handsome and rich. Faithful too and only interested in me getting the best from them. Sorry to disappoint your sick mind. I just don't know the culture or the language or the food. And guess what, they love my cooking. My Yoruba soups and want to die on my neck. Just wanted to clear the air up on your insane assumptions.
DeleteHehehehehehhe..chizoba has killed me o!. I knew poster ws sitting on long thing d moment I read "my parents objected and he didn't fight for me". Why did u think he didn't fight? The simple answer is, he never intended marrying u!!!!! Forget all those talk of running away with him just before his wedding. All that one na talk and talk is cheap. Igbo men hardly marry outside d tribe. As a mata of fact,d guy no even love u sef..he just want to continue sleeping wit u after he already married who he wants to marry so Nne,forget story o! If really u want a man to stop disturbing u,u know what to do or are u a baby? Stop forming that 'he is obsessed with me' ish..
DeletePoster 1,get off ur high horse joor. You brought ur story out here for total strangers to do the thinking for you and you still have mouth to abuse/insult them. Imagine you saying "ibo guys that will never look at ur side in your wildest dreams", "sick mind", "insane assumptions". Who you be sef? You are so uncouth and how on earth will a "good man" not leave you for a woman who can tame her tongue?
DeleteObinrin so iwa nu, o ni ohun o lori oko. mtcheeewww. Stella,abeg we dont want to read stories from proud goats here.
@poster 1,when u know u can't stand insults or jibes why did u send ur story?...oshisco
DeleteYou are dumb bitch. I left him, remember??? Like I said, and proudly too, a dirty rat like you can never pull the guys I pull. If I am proud, no problem, it just shows that I am better than you. No bragging. Your picture is here and I can see it. You, a proud defender of baby mama's is deluded enough to lie to people here that you are married. No ugly, you are a baby mama hoping to marry. Winks
DeleteBitchplis... Bitch please.
DeleteMadam poster if u can't face the heat, get out of the kitchen.
DeleteI think its wrong for Chizoba to insult her parents. What is d meaning of who are her parents to reject an Igbo man?
DeleteHaba, we should try and give advice with sensibility nah.
#1. Get a new line, transfer all your contacts and send text 2them to save ur new line. Then get a nokia torchlight and give ur old sim a permanent resident, abi which kaind akuko na agbaka moto be this...?
ReplyDelete#2. If le boo doesn't have a reason to trust you, give him one nau. Have observed that men that are supportive tend to be like that...
Poster 1 seems like u feel pity for him. Just remember hei is a married now and so arw you. If u feel you guys cant have a mutual relationship then try and stay away from him before regrets come.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, your man might just be feeling some type of way. Dont end it immediately cos of this incident,try and explain to him more that you were asleep. If he persists and changes he's attitude then give him him some time to himself.
Poster one, as frightening as it might seem, let him go first(in ur hrt and soul) then start being firm and if possible mean and insulting to him that's d only way unless all these story is an excuse to jump back in bed with him.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, ur points were too long
a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Poster 1.. Is obvious yu are still in love with this dude or why will still be having his number on ur cell phone.
.
.
Poster 2... I suggest yu see him face to face as stella said.....
*GLO BRING 3G TO KONTAGORA*
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Lmao @ the statement; I PITIED THE BRIDE AND REFUSED.
ReplyDeleteHehehehe!
Y u pity the 2be bride na?
U for elope, may d guy sama u belle, n make u a single mother, nobody go tell u, ur eye go clear.
Madam u pitied ursef, nt the bride.
CLdnt finish ur read sef, I smile at some men's tot process #Aswear.
To some men, if u are pretty n u got breast n vagina, u r not entitled to brain cells.
P2; dating an insecured man is too much work.
U av to keep proving tins, u keep assuring, u must be nxt to ur fone always even wen u aint in d mood to tlk, av less to none male frnds, n be ready to discharge frnds uv known even b4 him.
Av bin dia #WipesSweat, but wen d pressure to get married wz bcoming unbearable frm his side. I told mysef I ddnt wnt to do dis full time.
Mayb u love d guy so much, n u tink u can manage it, den go ahead(as no 1 is perfect).
I have been in this exact shoes before, so I know what you are saying! My two cents-walk away cause he would keep doing it? I forgive him and regreted it when it happened to me!! But if you want to stick your head, pls do but be prepared to cry alot of times which you don't need!! Goodluck!!
ReplyDeletePoster 1: how rich is this ex of urs? If he's on d middle class, ask him for a ridiculous amount of money.. no be person go tell am make he leave u.. he justs wants to av sex with u.. and obviously. Ure enjoying the attention.. u av to resolve within urself that u want to cut off every communication bfor comin to SDK's blog..
ReplyDeleteNarrator #1 Please let the man go, stop indulging him with whatever little attention you are giving him at the moment, let him go and fix his marriage if there is a problem there. You both need to move on from each other if not you are just going to end up having an affair with him down the line, in the process ruining your own future happiness. Ladies please listen, Nigerian men don't leave their family for side chics or mistresses o! They will rather leave their wives miserable at home than take that giant step of actually leaving her. Enough said.
ReplyDeleteNarrator#2 Hmmmm lets hope he is joking, which if he is, it means he is only testing you and that in my opinion is a juvenile thing to do. Or he might just be looking for a way to end the relationship and that is a really childish way to go about it. Having said that, regarding the alleged phone call, sometimes when calling Naija (even though you have dialled the right number) calls still connect to the wrong line, at least it must have happened to me a few times, if he does have a recording he should produce it.
However if he is just looking for a way to end the relationship, my sister just move on, it means he is not yours and your prayer sessions are working by eliminating him from your life before you get too invested in him.
Elena Pope.
Poster 1 : you are hanging on to him hence the way you feel. Let him go cut off all links.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 : My Dear the man is just making excuses he has found someone else.
Technical advisers,we plenty for this blog .chizoba am ibo ,and i know for sure ibo guys marry from any tribe ,so this your racism stop it abeg .after we go say na oyibo be racist ,
ReplyDeletePoster 1-you dont have a problem ,stop creating one.you know what to do ,stop playing mario with our head.
poster 2.ngwa use your number 6 sense ,we need to know if this your bf game is dumping things ,we have different method of dumping ,so first pretend to dump him and lets take it from there.
Bootylicious..as painful and racist as this may sound..MOST Ibo men and women are choosy about fellow Ibos,not to talk of other tribes..that is the bitter truth dear...
DeletePoster 1, I was in the same situation as you and I can tell you categorically that you still have feelings for him. In my case my married ex told me that he will commit suicide the day he hears that am getting married to someone else. Well, I got married and he didn't commit suicide lol. We kept talking on phone and I even looked forward to his calls. We were even planning to hook up and do dinner or something when I visit home until I started taking some of the advice being given here regularly on how to forget exs and their antics.
ReplyDeleteWell, I made up my mind not to be used and deleted everything about him. Dude has finally understood am done with his chapter in my life and has moved on. I advice you to make it categorically clear to him that you don't want and he will get the message when he sees how serious you are to get rid of him.
Poster 2, stop making frantic efforts to reach him or explain anything to him. If he still loves you and is sensitive to your feelings then he will realize that he is hurting you with his baseless accusations. But prepare yourself for the worse and channel your energy unto other things so that even if he decides that he doesn't want you again the pain won't be too much. Just bear in mind that it is pure torture to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you. Keep an open mind for dialogue in case he decides to work things out but if not move on with your life. Any man who doesn't trust you is not worth your tears.
Hmmmmmm
DeleteHmmm Iphie dearie I hope am safe? Lol
DeletePoster 2- I am sorry to announce this to you but your 'boyfriend' is over you and he is looking for a way to break up with you. This man is no longer your man. His heart now belongs to someone else. My advice for you is to move on from him. Break up and go and do your masters, start afresh and meet new people. This is definately not a case of insecurites. DONT BE FOOLED. Enter 2015 with a new and fresh perspective and I wish you the best in your masters and your love live.
ReplyDeleteN1, if you know you don't want anything to do with him again I will advice you let your new man handle it. Tell him you are off him and he doesn't wanna let you go then lets see if he wont leave you alone for Christ's sake he's married. N2, the guy just wanna discharge you but don't know how to go about it so he's using every opportunity to do so. Just my thought, I might be so wrong on both.
ReplyDeleteBuhahahahaha @ 2nd poster, no offence buh I just had 2 laff.
ReplyDeleteWhich 1 is "moaning lyk a cow again? Mtcheeeewww, abeg na strategy 2 dump u, na 2day?
Girl, wise up abeg!
To d first = u ar happy sm 1 is obsessed wig u e dey sweet u well I can feel it
ReplyDeletePoster 1,ur ex seems to be still attracted To u quite alright buh from wot I gleaned,u are goading him.
ReplyDeleteHe is now married,pls run and run from him.
Poster 2,ur dude is suffering from acute jealousy and paranoia.
Or he might just be needing more attention from u.
Whatever d case may be,i dont dig that lewd stunt He pulled.and let him know u dont play like that!
Poster 2- I am sorry to announce this to you but your 'boyfriend' is over you and he is looking for a way to break up with you. This man is no longer your man. His heart now belongs to someone else. My advice for you is to move on from him. Break up and go and do your masters, start afresh and meet new people. This is definately not a case of insecurites. DONT BE FOOLED. Enter 2015 with a new and fresh perspective and I wish you the best in your masters and your love live.
ReplyDeleteMk I wait fr comments ooooo
ReplyDelete~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
After typing an epistle , I clicked on preview and it disappeared .sad much ...
ReplyDeletePoster 1, u're the one indulging ur ex,tell him off once and for all.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,next time u speak wit ur guy ask him what he's up to. If he's no more interested let him say and u'll understand no need for games. Break up is break up don't mata how nice or mean u do it. Me i prefer u tell me in a mean way sef. My head go work quicker dat way.
poster1 listen to stella
ReplyDeletePoster2 My dear I pity u o,in the first place he knows u didn't pick his call that nyt and he also knows he didn't hear any moans, he's playing with your head and trying to get u agitated, I really don't understand why men do that bur my advice is BLANK HIM ABEG he's not serious all na SCOPE
Poster 1 stay away from that birthday party and delete every form of contact u both have and move on with ur life with ur new man,the emotions u are wasting on "wat could have been" should be used on building ur new relationship,no u can't be friends either unless u meet at a gathering and say hi and keep it moving.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 that ur bf na sharp guy looking for a way to let u down easy,its good u are going somewhere else for awhile it will really help u to move on hopefully.
Poster 1) if he loves u as much as he claims, y is he still with his wife and also having children. Face ur life, future and d new man in ur life. Tell him off. He has a home and should let u have yours.
ReplyDeletePoster 2) lolz to his claims. I think d dude is definitely done with u and has moved on. Just looking for a way to discharge u. This xmas, he wants someone new. Stop calling or sending sms. U ve done ur part by sending ur call log. Let's see what he's up to when he gets back. Time will prove it. Cheers.
poster 1 stay away completely, not to rule your joy.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, I thought you said you gave being in a prayer mode. Maybe God is answering your prayers by letting this guy misbehave.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, no matter what let this guy go. Give him the cold shoulder, hard but it's doable. All the best.
@Poster 1, you need to let him go and mean it. That is how an ex was playing this game with me, meanwhile na him leave me go marry over one silly reason o. When I noticed that he wants to cause wahala between me and God, I deleted him and warned him seriously never to call him, said he will kill himself, I told him to go ahead. Now his 'bad' marriage is suddenly doing well, rubbish. Some men can lie for Nigeria. Thank God for DH that restored my faith in men.
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, maybe his behaviour is the result of your prayers. Wait till you see him face to face though, but I think he is looking for a reason to break up.
1 from what I read here you are still holding on to this man.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't want to marry u , that's y u guys dint get married.
You have a relationship to build, please drop this guy like a bad habit
Cut him off, stop taking his calls.
2 your man is just insecure, some men are like that, he thought u were with a man that's y u dint pick his calls
It's obvious his fabricating a story just to know what you will say, to see if you will admit to that.
Don't leave him please wait till 17 and talk to him.
Poster 1, have nothing to say to you bcos na curse go end am, not totally your fault, personal experience join, my ex bf told me he still had feelings 4 his ex who has bin married for three years and dey still send daily I love you messages to each oda, I just get angry wen I hear stories like this bcos u don't know aw much u re hurting d significance other of dat person but also abusing d sanctity of marriage, use your head a beg, if you really want to break it off, then do and let his wife enjoy him biko, would have bin better if u ran away and didn't pity d wife than dis 1.......
ReplyDeletePoster1: u sure still have feelings for him, was once. There, but u really have to find away to get rid of the feelings and move on, because you are the one who needs to move on.
ReplyDeleteLet me advice poster 2: I'm in a LDR myself.. I'm in the UK and he's in nigeria and let me tell you its not easy. You have to take it one step at a time and trust each other. Communication is key.. I'm sure you've heard that a lot but it is. The relationship won't work if there's too much insecurity. Click on my blog name, and read my blog post about LDR.
ReplyDelete1- you must make each other aware of your schedules if you're not going to be available all day- then make time at the end of your day to catch up.
2- if there's a time difference then communicate via chats or emails then call when there is time.
3- don't accuse each other of cheating and don't pick fights for no reason.. Choose your battles.
4- have a long conversation about the things he does that you don't like and explain that if he can't make changes, then it's best to go your separate way.
5- get busy! Spend time with family and friends.. Find a hobby and make sure you spend time with yourself. Don't make your entire life about him and don't be so desperate to call and text all the time.. Especially if he's in the wrong.
Lastly.., a good man knows when he's messing up. If he hears you out and makes changes then good.. If not, leave it. There's plenty men where you're going LOL. Good luck hun x
Poster 1 remember that ugly guy who chased you some years ago, but he looked like a frog and was so broke but he was crazy about u and u managed to fight him off... Well use those same skills to fight off this your ex, he is no good for you and you know it.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, heart break loading.... He wants to leave you, moaning indeed!
Poster 1 nd 2,everybody is saying d same tin..hw weird is dat?means we are all right.
ReplyDeleteposter2 my dear from ur post, i can deduce d ff:
ReplyDeleteur man is way older than u.
he is manipulative, ie tries to make u feel bad or inadequate or generally tries to bring u down.
he is lacking in bedmatics and endowment.
and finally he is absolutely insecure.
he feels u re too good or pretty dt he wants to cage u n make u feel less of ureself.
he may actually really love u, albeit in his own possessive n jealous way.
MY ADVICE, dont let him manipulate u into always begging. stand ur ground n let him knw u dont roll dt way once u re sure u re innocent. be firm with him n stop trying to be someone else to fit his specs. pls be urself. let him love u for who u really re.
as for d matter at hand, stop calling and begging or tring to explain. just reassure him dt u love him so much n ll never cheat on him n stop calling him pls. when he is done with trying to use ur head n make u feel guilty for wht u didnt do, he ll be d one calling...then see him on d 17th. i really dont think he is trying to dump u though.
Poster 2.
ReplyDeleteWe had a long conversation this evening that ended in a screaming match, and I'm even more furious than I already am.
I asked him if I should stop calling him, and to my utmost shock he said "yes please" I should stop, then he went round in circles that he would still do all he's supposed to for me but he can't be with someone he can't trust.
Saying he knows how I am when he makes love to me, and I was all of that but it was like a beast arose in me and I was vomiting dirty words when another man was in me.
I blame myself, now I know why abstinence is widely preached on this blog, if we weren't sexually involved abi this nonsense wudnt have happened.
I know I asked God for a sign, but I didn't think it would leave me as the accused.my friend just made a valid point saying he's ways are not like ours"
I think I would just put my head down and have a quiet holiday with my family and wait till next year when I leave for my masters.
Even as I type this finality and trying to take the high road, I can't stop the tears that is flowing in rivers.
My heart has literally stopped beating, even my hair hurts..... Truly can't believe this is my life....
If only I could get some closure on how exactly this happened, have even been wondering if I have sex in my dream that I'm not aware of.
Honey...don't beat yourself blue and black because of a man who doesn't give a hoot about you.
DeleteMove on already
Abstain from pre marital sex. It breeds suspicion. A man/woman that can hold himself / herself during courtship would have to a vvveeerry large extent the trust of his/her spouse.
We learn everyday, don't we?
And you pray and so you want to love God more. Abi?
Just seek to please God and move on. The best is yet to come. Okay?
After attacking me up there???
DeleteAnyway, @ this point, i'll advice u keep calm and ignore him. Don't call him again. Just be urself and assume he doesn't exist for now (for ur sanity sake)...
One day, someday u will know the truth of what happened!!! All d best*
Am sorry dear
DeletePls I want to get something clear, someone calls you and you don't pick up, how was he able to hear you moaning like a cow? #confusedmuch# ability na telepathic phoning?
DeletePoster 2:
ReplyDeleteHe is now holding on to that he called me twice after that and I didn't pick up my calls and after that my phone was switched off. truthfully I put off my phone because my ringtone was disturbing my sleep. And it's not like it's the first time I'm doing it. We argue and quarrel over it, but he's aware I do it a lot cos he's phone conversations never end, I have a very bad case of insomnia and I have a very small window when sleep comes to me, and if I don't take it na so I go they shine eye for 48hrs on end.besides we talk on an average of 8 times during the day, so there is almost nothing to talk about.sometimes I end up jisting him about a movie I watched .
Poster 1, you are encouraging him. Better leave him and move on.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, that man is finding ways to get rid of you. Give him space and see how it plays out.
Stelastica wetin u dey do wit comments today na?? Biko post comment e ya, Abi u wan use my comment sew Christmas cloth
ReplyDeleteAnd I am not a robot
SDK take my comment on this post make sandwich…chai chai chai..Too lazy to type again.
ReplyDeletePlease Stella allow me share this story with BVS. Quite lengthy I must say. But it's in line with marriage, as I noticed that these past days a lot of issues shared on this blog are more of relationships misunderstanding/ unending issues. People should realise that there are certain marital/relationship issues that defy counselling from even relationship experts. And as such some advice we share here, although good, may not work for so many people.
ReplyDeleteMy friend of 20 years.. I'll call her Betty. Betty and I are more like sisters, from when we were very young, as our parents were very close too. So I would be right if I called her my sister. Betty got married before me, like 4 years ahead of me. We are so close that people think that we look alike. She's a normal lady with her flaws, same way I am not perfect. But we enjoyed each others flaws and we fight a lot too. She got married to a nice man and they would later have 2 kids.
I also got married and our family became one just like our folks enjoyed each others' company. Then something started to happen to my dear Betty that I couldn't figure. I had sleepless nights because I was trying to understand what was happening to my friend that she became so distant, would always look lost when we gathered for parties or whatever. Her calls to me became minimal, she stopped going on summer vacation with me and mine. I was perturbed and very unhappy.
I didn't want to ask her any questions not unless she told me. But I kept watch on her. You know we always have those crisis moments in our lives, and sometimes we want to be left alone. I didn't want to intrude because I also go through the phase sometimes. But Betty's was taking too long, hence I was worried. Then came a time that she visited me more than she would in a week, I knew that each time she visited there was something she wanted to say, but then, she would hold back and go home. Then return to me the following day again with the same confused state of demeanor that seemed like she was trying to cover up something. I watched her and didn't prompt anything, I knew she would get to it soonest. ....
Continues
Finally she let the cat out of the bag. It was a process that affected me and I was so depressed that my dear friend had been going through such a phase in her marriage. Betty would reveal to me a monster that her husband had been for over 3 years. What? 3 years and I didn't notice a thing? Her husband, let's call him Paul...Paul to me was like a brother. He was such a sweet man and I adored him. So it took a while for me to process what my friend revealed to me. Her sleepless nights, days she would leave thier house at wee hours of the morning to sleep in a hotel because Paul would make her life unbearable... etc. Yes she chose to sleep in hotels instead of coming to mine because she didn't want me to know what was happening, moreover, she quite understood the level of likeness and tespect I adorned Paul, and wouldn't want to destroy the bond. I understood her plight.
ReplyDeleteIt tool me weeks, and then several months to get into the details of my friends marital woes..but I had to be calm for her sake to avoid severing the already bad situation.. So I said to her that all I could do was pray for her and have her be a little bit more patient. Honestly I felt bad advising a fellow woman to endure the nonsense, but I realised that NO matter how close I felt or I am to Betty, I was still an outsider in her marriage and wouldn't take the liberty for granted. So I was particularly careful with my choice of words, and at no pint did I advice that she left her marriage. Trust me, I wanted so bad to take her away from her horrible hubby, but I was limited.
With time, her coming to me became therapeutic because I engaged her in things other than to seat all day and talk about her home. I created activities around us so that her mind would be off it at least when she was with us. So she started to spend more time in the day with me than stay home and sulk all day. It worked. Then 2 years ago Betty was to celebrate 10 years of marriage. Lol. 10 years of marriage that wasn't worth celebrating...(according to her). But to our utmost amazement, Paul was excited and he wanted to throw a big 10th year wedding anniversary. He came home one night and said " Betty, our anniversary is next month and I am going to have a big party. Will print some invites and give you some. Don't worry I'll take care of everything, all you have to do is dress up and show up for the party". This was what he told her and she was shocked. Starred at him and said to herself, what are we celebrating?
Continues
She came to me the day after in tears. I even joined her and we both cried very very well. Afterwards we had a lengthy talk. She said, what is my life now? This man shoves everything at me without asking for my input. He treats me like a slave even in the presence of our kids. I have lost 3 pregnancies due to his abuse, he's never sorry, he insults me even though he took my career away from me after our first child. I don't ever know where he goes or what he is doing. He takes me out to functions under compulsion just to show off in public. And once we are in the car it's silence as usual. He gives me money quite alright, affords my holidays with the kids. But I stopped collecting his monetary treats that's why I wouldn't go on holidays again with your family. And she went on and on and I started to cry again because all she said were all news to me. I didn't and never suspected anything.
ReplyDeleteSo I told her, Betty we will prepare for the anniversary. We will get you a lovely dress to wear, you will choose to be happy on that day for me and not for Paul, or at least for the kids and your family. We will play along with Paul to ensure that the day is a success. She said no way, but eventually I prevailed over her. Ironically, her husband rang me a few days after, that they were planning a big anniversary party and that he had been trying to contact my hubby to inform him. I feingned ignorance and yelled with so much excitement. I even said to him that I wondered why Betty hadn't told me yet. Paul said, "maybe she wants to surprise you" and we both laughed.
Betty and I got a good beautiful dress for the party. Everything was planned well, top notch I must admit. I was even the one that got the cake maker and everything was good to go. Two days to the celebration Betty rang me and said there was a problem. Oh not again, I exclaimed. Has he cancelled the party? Has he chased you out again? What is it Betty? She said...oh no, none of that. The problem I have is that I do not know what I would say when it's my turn to appreciate my husband on that day. You know how we attend these kind of functions and everyone always seem to have fantastic flattery lines for thier spouses, glossed over accolades that makes marriage seem like a child's play etc. She asked if she would have to adopt the same template. And for the first time I was at loss of what to suggest.
She came by to me a day before the event, and asked that I helped her write out her words. As she didn't want to rely on her own words because emotions may kick in and it would fail her. So we, for a few hours, deliberated on the appropriate, yet simplistic accolades one could even render a loyal pet dog. No extravagance with words, just the usual..you have been a good father and husband templates. We were done and ready for the D day.
Continues
The day finally arrives and I was kind of hyper-ventilating because of Betty. Oh she looked so adorable after she was nicely made up and dressed in her Fuchsia and black dress. The kids looked so happy and cute, and Paul who has always been a "charmer" wasn't left out. We proceeded with the part, and guys, it was such a colorful event with a good turn out. Then came the time for the couple to appreciate themselves before the dance dance dance. My God... I was jittery and I rushed to the bathroom to hurriedly compose myself. I rushed back because I knew Betty would look out for me for moral support as she mounts the podium. Hers was to come first.
ReplyDeleteShe got up with all smiles and elegance, everyone gave her a standing ovation. The ambience was serene and quite emotional. She read her lines carefully as we projected, and she thanked her hubby profusely. She kept it simple and nice ending with a big hug to the kids. It was Paul's turn. At this point my tension had subsided because I knew the day was cut out for fallacies anyway.. Right from Betty to Paul. I kind of knew what to expect. But I got the rudest shock of my life....
Continues
Finally....
ReplyDeletePaul took the mic and looked straight at Betty. Then he said...."Betty my beautiful and lovely wife of 10 years, mother of my adorable children, what you have just said of me are all lies and you know it. You know I have been nothing close to what you attribute to me. I haven't been the best husband. I haven't been the best lover. Although I have been a good father to our kids. Betty you are a brave woman and this party I put together was to invite those who were present at our wedding 10 years ago, to be present today again, so that they can witness my apology to you. And possibly plead my case before you so that you can forgive me. This is why I arranged this anniversary that I consider a renewal of vows between us. Betty I have realised my mistakes and I hate myself for watching you endure the pains without telling a soul about it. Betty I am sorry, please forgive me".
At this point every guest in that hall, say about 150 guests or so, where all crying. Betty was finished, she was wailing, and Paul joined in. Me? You don't want to know. Even my husband left the venue amidst tears. I need not inform you that that was the end of that party that day. We were too emotional to even continue. I got back home thanking God that I didn't ask Betty to leave her home. This party was were every member of Betty's family and other casual friends knew that Betty was having it rough in her marriage. I remember how Betty's mom rang me the following morning to ask if we were all joking or what Paul said were in fact true. I said, Mummy, he didn't lie. She cried and dropped the call.
I narrated this story because there are so many Betty's out there confiding in so many Mrs Zulus out there. Mind you, Mrs Zulu is not the star here, neither did she completely rescue Betty. All Mrs Zulu tried to do was to create a serene atmosphere for Betty while the ordeal lasted. Mrs Zulu didn't try to play the Messiah, and she allowed Betty control her home herself. Albeit Paul restored his own home with the same hands that he used to nearly break it apart. Now the question should be, how many Pauls out there would save thier home on time before it is too late? And how many Bettys will be patient enough to allow Paul experience the guilt of his reckless abandon?
This will not work for everyone, I know. But whatever your situation, ensure that you surround yourself with the right people and don't expose your home to those who would mock you or have no solution to proffer you other than to further damage it.
Thanks for reading
Wow?!!
DeleteMrs Zulu I love you already
God bless you for being a good friend.
What you said is absolutely true.
Reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures : proverbs 24:3-6.
By wisdom is an house builded. By understanding it's established and by knowledge it's chambers are filled with goodly treasures.......
God bless you
Nice tale from a movie excerpt. I remember the scenes so clearly. The message good, don't know if a price is won for best advice. This is a clear case of the hand of Esau but the voice of Jacob. Nice try waterloo or sorry mrs zulu.
DeleteI've read this somewhere before. Nice try for recreating it.
DeleteHello Lovelace we meet again. Welcome.
DeleteThere's a place called Grand square shopping mall in central business district Abuja. Store B2 to be precise. It's a store where mostly baby items are sold. Go in there and ask for "Betty" the owner of the store, not her real name but she would know. You'll get her real name when you get there. She's heavily pregnant, about 5'7 tall. Refer her to the lies and fiction Mrs Zulu narrated here. Seat down and listen to her story, maybe you'll get to see facts to further prove it. I suggested pictures.
After that please do come back here and let me know your findings. Afterwards I'll respond to your comments above.
And what's the name of the movie please?
Thank u.
Hi mrs zulu, it is a surprise that you had to single me out to direct me to a phantom name and address. I will not say the movie because i have nothing to prove or gain in doing so. Maybe you should ask others the book title too. Let me say this your likes including sisi eko who had to carry her parasitic self as usual to announce your entrance to reply me are jobless, insecure and live fake lives. Your need to be accorded replies praising you fictitious lives shows how vain you ladies are. It is a pity that all fallacies written by you and your ilks will continue to expose the sick mind behind such. People bring real problems here and the owner of this blog is as real as you can get. So you guys vying for the best advice can continue to do so. Maybe Stella will make a plaque and send it to your various homes. Merry christmas.
DeleteTHIS POSTER 1 GIRL IS SOOO RUDE.
ReplyDeletePEOPLE ARE GIVING YOU HONEST ADVICE AND YOU'RE INSULTING THEM. IF YOU DON'T AGREE, SAY SO POLITELY. YOU'RE LUCKY THEY EVEN REPLIED TO YOUR CHILDISH PROBLEM. YOU'RE NOT A HUMBLE PERSON. IT SEEMS DIS YOUR GUY JUST DODGED A BULLET (WHICH IS YOU)
YOU JUST SHOWED YOURSELF.
Lol, e pain you die. Hahahahahha. You want to kill yourself typing in caps, straining your neck and getting hypertentsion over my childish matter. Get a life. He dodged a bullet and is chasing me all over Lagos for 6yrs. I bet you trapped your own husband to bear wife. Eyah pele o.
Delete6yrs poster 1 u no go go marry sef. Na so so chase them dey chase u?
DeleteNa soso Chase and marriage proposals. You think I am like you that will jump on anything that comes my way so I can come on stella and proclaim marriage. Or I will suffer through war, starvation and famine to get married. There is life outside of marriage. Advice for you. Hahaha
DeletePoster no1 pls face your husband and allow this man to marry his wife. Do you hear that. Most women have ex- issue including me, but i told mine point blank and he moved.
ReplyDeleteposter 1, u both have feelings for each other
ReplyDeleteI have read this story before. Mrs Zulu, is it your story? or your copied and pasted and made it yours?
ReplyDeleteYou mean this isn't Mrs Zulu's original story?
DeleteI've had an experience that has a bit of Posters 1 and 2's issues. This guy was good looking, well to do, caring and all but I just couldn't deal with his obsessiveness. He would come to my house at 6.00/6.30 am just to check if I slept at home. Asked me to destroy my sim, throwaway my phone n get new ones cos he didn't want any other guy calling me. Refused me getting a job on my own, cos he didn't want me working in a different state, instead he paid me salary as was obtainable for my level in federal civil service pending when he got me the "perfect" job.
ReplyDelete6months later, he proposed. I refused. He chased me round the whole town, by then, I had left town, called it off with him o, but he wouldn't listen. He was deluded. Believed I wanted to be with him but was just giving him a tough time.
He'd go and tag himself on my FB pics, post all sorts on my wall. Got my siblings' #s and kept calling them to talk to me.
He called me one time for almost an hr, begging n pleading I stood my ground. He then launched into this nasty tirade about how many girls would give an arm, a leg and a boob just to date him and I refuse to marry him. How he will change my life and will be all I need. I told him to go marry these other girls... note this guy was almost 10yrs older.
Now he eventually got married som 1yr 6mths later. And I had peace or so I thought. The calls started again. Monetary offers, asking me to just see him, how he married cos I pushed him to another woman bla bla bla, how I wasn't yet married at the time, that If I say d word he'd send his wife packing. I didn't reply. I waited out his rants, he got off the phone and I blocked all his lines, twitter, FB, deleted him from BBM (after telling my then fiance the whole story wchich he listened to and laughed at). He got another line and called me, I simply told him I've had enough. If he tried to contact me agin, I'd show his wife his calls, texts and FB msgs + munched BBM msgs.
He got the message...and let me be.
P1, if u wanted to get rid of this dude you would have, and you still can. Let go of whatever residual feelings you have for him.
P2, really sorry you had to go through all of this with the insecure, insensitive prick. Thank God you've come to the realisation that it's done. Let him go, concentrate on the life you have ahead of you. One day, your very knight in shining armour will come and u'll find happiness. One day too, the truth behind his actions will come to light. E-hugs darling!
sabongida , i like the advice you gave poster 2. If that guy heard you having sex on the phone two things could have possibly happened.
ReplyDelete1) call switching, where you call one line but a glitch connects you to a different one. The effect is you pick but he hears someone else on the phone.
2)You picked that call in your sleep and trust me there are times when you have no idea what is coming out of your mouth in those "sleeping muranya" moments.
Try and cheer yourself up, he is not trying to run away he can tell you straight up that it is over, no need to beat about the bush.
Clear his doubts please if you really love him.
Insighful comments from the women here.lol.
ReplyDeleteWomen have grown accustomed to the tricks of men.
Poster 2, Yes he has some insecurity issues and has very good reason to.
Do you know how easily these girls hop into bed knowing that you have a gf and they have their own bf.
I am NOT talking of prostitutes here. regular girls o
I will worry if i were in a long distance relationship myself. I hope you can make him trust you.
My people say when you accuse someone of crimes he didn't commit, he will confess to the one he did.
This is the manoeuvre he has employed to extract the truth from the situation his insecurity is drumming up in his head.
Poster 1 if u r not ready to hear the truth den get 'da f**k outta hear wit ur poison mouth
ReplyDeleteposter 2 y not turn the tables and dump his sorry ass he has confidence issues
To the 2nd person fighting her boyfriend, please I know what your boyfriend is talking about, it happened to me before and it's because of the phone card he was using to call you! To him, he dialed your number but the phone card company dials this sex line and that's what he was hearing. If this hadn't happened to me before I'd agree with others that he's making a flimsy excuse, but I know what he heard. Is he using Rebtel or another phone card he bought online?
ReplyDeleteAll d people wey poster 2 call their names for advice, never finish talk oo lol poster 1 pat d dude no mind if u don't want t him, don't respond to his texts, with time he will chill out
ReplyDelete