Sigh!.....
Two people come together and bring something to the table,it is so wrong to leave it all for one person to do...
But what happens when the other party is not bringing anything because there is nothing to be brought to the table?
....Nothing except a miracle happens!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
SHOULD A WOMAN BE THE BREAD WINNER IN A HOME?
I have been married for about a year. I love my husband dearly. We have an adorable daughter. My issue is that ever since I got married, I can't remember not feeling exhausted and drained From the financial weight weighing me down.
I work for an advertising firm and earn an average of $1,000 dollars monthly, but before 2 weeks are up its all gone. On household needs and family. In all the months of marriage, hubby has not brought in more than 300k. From when we were dating sef. Rent, food, bills,was all on me.
I met him when he had nothing but I thought it was a passing phase. He is handsome,a great guy and intelligent. But he has never known financial independence. I know its barely a year. And I have never insulted him or thrown it in his face. In fact, I have been very supportive. He praises me on that always. But how long will I respect a man who has never even given me money to make my hair?
Or bought me anything,Not even for our daughter?
Haba. I just feel tired. He keeps praying and believing things will change. I believe too but I have moments where I just feel weak. Only God holds the future. He is not lazy or so I think. But it appears favour hasnt smiled on him. Now he is chasing one business or the other. Yet nothing.
He is a great guy but they say you can never tell the true character of a broke guy. If it continues like this, I pray it doesn't affect the marriage. He is always stressed, unhappy and worried about the situation. And I on the other hand wonder what lies ahead on our journey to forever.
There are days I wonder if I made a mistake getting married so fast. We dated for 14 months and We took the leap when we discovered I was pregnant. Though he had already told me his intentions but was waiting for money. Is anybody else going through this?
Some days I am so unhappy. I am in my twenties and still very young and beautiful. I came from a comfortable home and used to have guys dying to spoil me. I am not asking for too much. Just for him to meet me halfway at least. Please dont judge me or insult me. I just need mature advice on how to approach this. Is it okay for me to just keep quiet and keep smiling while I am dying inside? Should a woman be the breadwinner and how should she handle it if she is?
You may blame me because I knew the situation and still went ahead and you are right......
Thank you.
Money should not be a problem since you say he's a good person,I know the feeling.The only person you can have a talk with on this is him...tell him you dont like the things he doesnt do...its simple isnt it?
REMEMBER THAT YOU NEVER KNOW HOW GOOD IT IS TILL YOU LOSE IT........Dont become a victime oh.
make i find chai siddon.
Poster, i can feel your pain...but if you love this man, just be a little patient with him, as far as he is not lazy and is trying every means possible to provide for the family. Marriage they say is not a bed of roses #my2cent.
ReplyDeletePlease click on my name for Fashion/Fitness/Beauty tips
Seconded. Sibce yoy said he is not lazy, keep hope alive and while at it pray he doesn't change when the money begins to roll in. Some men can be very ungrateful at the end. I do not pray this for you.
DeleteSecondly, try not to have a berry blast of your emotions. Sometimes when that feeling is beginning to eat you up, you don't even know when you explode over a little ish, thus making utterances that were better screamed in the mind only.
It is well with you. You are a strong woman. You will smile soon
Stella thank God for this Poster. I have being thinking of how to write you but am always stressed out. Its over 2yrs now that I have being paying rent, school fees and all the house bills even dustbin sef. Hubby lost his job n has been trying to get 1 since. my pain his he has become so lazy he doesn't help in d house chores or help take care of the kids after school while I run around to supply customers n restock. Doing things for my kids isn't stress at all but when I have to do a man job like talk to electrician or plumber to fix things isn't funny. When he had money he never invested in me or my business. Now my main issue is he want me to invest all my saving into a property becos all his mate has properties. Pls fellow BVS should I give him all my money just to make him feel good?
DeleteSeconded. Give him time and pray since u said he s not d last type. Good luck.
DeleteSince he is a good man I will say stay,keep believing its well.
Delete*since
Delete*you
Oversabi autocorrect turned autowrong. Mtchewwwwww! Rme
,My dear just pray for him too,since you said he isn't lazy and he is also a goodman while not exercise patience.is never easy anywhere oh,there ar women who ar ever ready to support him so far he is their hubby,hope you read the six hundred and something comments of stella hipsy post on ladies looking for hubby.Biko nnem manage him with time everything will be ok. A rich man can become poor tmorrow and a poor man can suddenly and instantly become rich.if ur rich man turn to a poor man after marriage, will u run away for the second time scouting for another rich man ?please think twice.
DeleteIf he is not a lazy person, just hang in there. It will get better. Make sure you are there to reap the fruit of your labour when the harvest comes. Stay strong dear.
DeleteAin't you lucky. I am in the same situation except mine is super lazy. Even when I push opportunities his way. He spends on himself when he has and even chat indecently with girls but insist they are just friends and I should trust him. Worse still is that he seems comfortable to be broke. He doesn't help out financial, homefront even to clean the car na story. All he does is watch football while I cook and even has d audacity to tell me to please get him water after taking his food to him despite getting home late. Some Naija guys sha. Anyways, still better than the insults from family and friends when I didn't get married on time. It is well
DeleteAt least he's not like my dad. Its 30 years and I've never seen my father provide for more that 3 days straight and my dear...I've started working and I've taken over..the man is horribly ungrateful. He's bad and he ain't got no worries. Thank God ur husband cares. Just tell him u need a vacation.. For a few days...u will find peace
DeleteDear poster, consider your self lucky that his a good man and his trying to make something happen. All u need to do is encourage him more and tell him it's going to get harder if you guys don't sort it out. Give him ideas, ask people for help. Do whatever u can to uplife him before he brings you down.
DeleteMy own situation is 10x worse than yours. When I met my husband he had a good job and I had a job too even though that wasn't the job I wanted but I had one. We got married and I got pregnant immediately which I wasn't happy about cos I really wanted to get a job in line with the career that I wanted. 4 months down the line he lost his job for the most stupid reason on this planet. I was upset but I just encouraged him to get another which he did 2 months after he lost the job for some more stupid than the 1st one. Ha I was dying inside and I made my feelings known but at d same time helped out to get another which didn't happen until a day after I gave birth. I said Lord thank u only for him to lose the job again after 3months. And since then he has not been able to get anothe for 3yrs. I have provided for the household and done everything that I can. And anyone that stays in the uk will tell u that shit is not easy. I'm sick and tired of it On top of it all his family members are saying its because he married me. It's because he married me that he has never been able to do anything for his child. He can't take care of him even though his at home and I have to pay for child minder and pay rent and bills. Hmmmmmmmmm I'm done can't take this shit anymore
Mine was doing well and I was able to save while in school. He lost his job, my savings have been exhausted and I'm still in school. *sigh* I pray he gets a soon. He is a good man
DeleteIt is well poster.
DeleteIn a marriage, a woman is meant to be an helper and not the bread winner. In this case since he has not gotten a job I think you are playing that role of being an helper although in a mucher bigger way. I think you should still be patient with him and give him time, at least he is making effort to get something doing. If he had a job and you are still the bread winner, I think its wrong in that case. Just be patient with him at least for sometime more since you signed up for this, like you knew this from the onset, its a big burden, very tiresome most of the time, but that's marriage for you, marriage requires a high level of patience.
ReplyDeleteMay God help him to secure a job soon and may God help and bless your marriage
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Pls, y ur at d prayer don't take in again it'll add more pressure on u, focus on d child u ve. I put pls oooooo, don't say I didn't tell u b'cos raising children is money. #Pokadotz
DeleteLol!
DeleteSee your life?
Running helter skelter.
You go on LIB and remove the designated title you've given yourself cos of giveaway, then you run back here and adopt it.
No shame.
Smh.
Well, you say hubby is a good man. So why don't u be patient? It's only one year. Indeed, you started that way while dating. So you must talk to him about how u feel right now. So he understands your plight. And stop looking back. Don't be like Lot's wife in the bible. All the toasters and spenders are in your past. Look at the future. It may seem bleak now, but tell me who isn't afraid of the future? Only God knows it all.
DeleteFrom what you say, he is trying but nothing has clicked. At least he's not lazy. Pele
He's d bread winner in bed for now..so provide wat u can n let him keep u happy in bed.
ReplyDeleteCranberry, Straw berry, Bluberry na onli u waka come?
DeleteNice one blackberry, she herself said the guy is a great guy so why is she still complaining?? Woman there is no husband anywhere ooo. You better love the one you have. Remember the guy that received 200 mails + yesterday just because he said he's looking for a wife. Some pple don't know the value of what they have until it's gone. You said he is hardworking, handsome, and loves you, what then are you complaining for?? There are so many rich women out there looking for a husband that would help them spend their money oo just to answer Mrs. Appreciate your man and stop complaining.
DeleteNaira in bed, dollar in provision. But nne, why convert your earning in dollars, while you leave oga own for naira naa? Dollar de fluctuate naa.
DeleteWhy do u keep saying there's no husband out there? God forbid oh! I reject it for myself and my loved ones.
DeleteMost of those rich women looking for husbands and big time butches with fucked up attitudes looking for who to oppress. Women too should be appreciated, not only men.
Since you are married , just keep praying, but believe me when I say most broke guys are good until they have money, that is when you will know their true colour,
ReplyDeleteSince he is a good man. Just keep calm! Take him out for shopping feed him well. Buy him designer clothes,shoes and perfume.
DeleteSit on a sofa,cross your legs and observe his movement
It' s well dearie,just have patience # very important #... always is not forever..since he tries n it dosn't workout my advice for you is to * pray* both of u..trust me it works.
ReplyDeleteI will wait for the comments
ReplyDeleteAt least he isn't a lazy man..
And doesn't cheat!
ReplyDeleteOr he just hasn't been caught yet.
DeleteLol
Or he just hasn't been caught yet.
DeleteLol
U guys like putting fear or doubt in2 married women which is not gud! Pls poster,b patient wit him,n if u can get him a job,pls do provided dat he is ready 2 work.........pls ignore dos dat will tell u 2 leave ur home cos frm our single mingles, there are thousands of lady's looking for a husband even if na tia one/tokumbo! Favor will smile on him sooner than u think.
DeleteQuicksilver, erase this mentality please!
DeleteOr he's too broke to cheat...
DeleteCan we hear enough about this cheat-no-cheat already? Naija men.... *sealed lips*
DeleteN1, what you are going through can be exhausting but from your story he has always been like that. You said he is a good man? well let's hope he remains a good man the day he make's it big. Some men turn to monsters once they make money. For better for worst remember???
ReplyDeleteMoi nnem, I almost married a broke ass dude all in d name of infatuation not love jare. All tnx to my mum who opposed d proposal to d last. He was working wt a private firm, his salary was a peanut. Maybe cos dude na fyn tall gud luking hunk I fell 4 him. Nne, I was dating dis dude n was bringing cups of rice garri frm my papa house. Choi! As if I was blind folded. My papa was a big biz man so we were comfortable by God's grace. When dude engaged me I had to lie to my dad n extracted 500k frm him n gave dude to luk for a better accommodation cos he was staying in a one bedroom bq while I was living in a duplex in my father's house. Oriegwu! My mum prayed n prayed n God heard her prayers. First tym dude n his pple came for introduction in my villa mum didn't go bt popsie went. After dat one my mum insisted dey must wait till my elder sister marries dat one na 'discharge'. At d end of d day God helped me n we broke up. Today I'm married to a comfortable guy dat adores me. We r blessed wit kids. Did I mention dat d oda broke dude used to beat me on top my papa money. Smh. Moral of d story- BROKE DUDES AINT LOYAL. They ve complex.
DeleteDear poster, I can only imagine how you feel. There is a thin line between faith and facing reality .i can tell you a someone with a good heart who looks beyond material things. And because you are human, you sometimes feel this pressure and weight you are carrying.
ReplyDeleteYou have described your husband to be someone with great potential.
All I can say is that my dear, you see MONEY is a VISITOR. It comes and go. Pls persevere,though it may tarry, The Lord will definitely act according to your desires. Just continue in your support and keep encouraging and praying for him.
All the best. Hugs.
Shut up!
DeleteYou dey form beta pikin, thief.
No be money and car dey make u dey chook eye for shinayomi mata?
Oloriburuku
Seriously!!!!!!! What insolence. U dont don't even know me. And you form these baseless accusations.
DeleteInsulting yourself.
Anon she dey form beta pikin because she dey look for husband na.
DeleteDesperado!!!
Sabongida Ora Cutest, u haven't sent me d mail or dint u get it? Hope u r fine? Anonymous 2:50, how dare u insult her, what's ur business in dat? Stunted anonymous
DeleteNice advice stella, you have said it all.
ReplyDeleteSeriously if he's a gd guy, continue but watchout guys like this end up not letting their wives know when they have and u may not know till u just hear he's built a mansion somewhere. Be careful, don't let him use u as a ladder. Men are heartless, mine showed me pepper! He even abandoned my son and I in the hospital and told me to pick the bills as usual after a cesarean only 4him to go deposit 4 a car where he ended up being duped.
DeleteJust watch out... men are slimmy!
Ha @ anon 5.19, are you for real?...some men are wicked sha!
DeleteI'm sure if he didn't get duped you wouldn't have heard about the money. Na wa o.
@anon 5:19- Chineke meee! Pele dear
DeleteSay what? Oriegwu o.
DeleteMoney is not everything in marriage but it helps ease tension in marriage. My dear poster, in your case, you took over the role of a man right from the days of your courtship and he left it for you.
ReplyDeleteYes, you met him when he had nothing but a man with conscience would go extra mile to put a smile on the face of the person he loves. At least, let him try first.
My dear, free yourself from some loads, let him take his responsibility as the head of the family. That means your hubby's duty is only to impregnant you??? You came to help him as the helper and he left everything for you. Check very well, he might have someone he spent his money on.
Abeg, look well, if you continue this way, you will end up not saving anything. The earlier the better.
Seriously? Did you really read the narrative? Which kind advise be this?
DeleteThe matter tire me oh, its not like he found a job and refused to take it.
DeleteI understand what SDK first son is saying. Some people perform better under pressure. Maybe if he is out on a hot seat he will deliver.
DeleteI think you should talk to him about it and let him understand how you are feeling. Take things easy all the same.
ReplyDeleteNo way! Talk to him? And make him feel less of a man? By talking to him, he will be pushed into depression. Madam don't. It will be well. The lord is your muscle.
DeleteCynthia is rit @bloglord...she has to let him no if not very soon tins are gonna get ugly.i feel her pain.am married nd my hibby is d only one providing.its nt bin easy as i feel really inadequate.wit 2 kids nd living in dis expensive lagos,dere is only so much one person can do.somtimes dere is strain on d marriage cis of finances as mony is always sooo thight but i blive a turnaround will happen soon *sigh*
DeleteTrue!!!
DeleteDon't talk to him.
He would just die.
As in emotional death.
God would help you poster
Thank you Cynthia. Bloglord and mma cee. You are so right. Even some days when he has to ask me, I see him die inside. Telling him would just kill him.
DeletePoster, just be patient with him and intensify your efforts in finding him a job...all the best.
DeleteU knew all ds finz n u still got married so suck it up nd keep managing
ReplyDelete~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
Smh
DeleteHmm this mata pass my power,make i wit 4 the married women in the house. chai stellastical am so luving this ur new chair. i hope say u no go take my comment speak german as usual.
ReplyDeleteI think is rather too early for u to complain, u knew his financial status but u went ahead to marry him, u should ve tot about all this before getting pregnant, the only solution is to endure cos don't expect me to tell u to leave him, na wetin u sign for,
ReplyDeleteI just hope he won't change when the money starts coming cos broke guys are always loyal. People should know that love alone cannot sustain marriage.
Hmmmn, broke guys are always loyal truly...I hope he doesn't change when the money finally comes.
DeleteHmm this mata pass my power,make i wit 4 the married women in the house. chai stellastical am so luving this ur new chair. i hope say u no go take my comment speak german as usual.
ReplyDeleteI think is rather too early for u to complain, u knew his financial status but u went ahead to marry him, u should ve tot about all this before getting pregnant, the only solution is to endure cos don't expect me to tell u to leave him, na wetin u sign for,
ReplyDeleteI just hope he won't change when the money starts coming cos broke guys are always loyal. People should know that love alone cannot sustain marriage.
Things will change very soon....everytin will soon fine...Just trust God
ReplyDeleteIn addition, since you are the only source of steady income into the marriage, and you earn enough, the two of you should cut your budgets, plan well on how the spend the money wisely, cut cost and don't spend unnecessaryly, don't spend on things that's not too important, may that way the money can still last the whole month and you will still have some left to save.
ReplyDeleteThere are couples that both parties don't earn up to that amount that you alone earn, their Salaries combine is not up to $1000 and they still manage it well and still save and are living happily.
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@ Alloy I agree to ur input. Well said. Some don't earn up to that still manage and save up and live happily. I know its not easy for one person to always do everything. in all the say, continue, pray and continue to encourage him and God will see u guys through. IJN
DeleteAlloy ur head dey house jare, it's beta u spend on necessary runs for now n try to manage while he looks for a job .. U knew all dis n married him so try and manage till sometin Gud turns up
Deletegbamest!!!
DeleteAlloy you are right. Trust me, there is no frivolous spending. No cable sef .Had to stop paying that. Now we only watch the free Christian channels. Lol. A child is an added responsibilty as per expenditure. When you add food, rent, household items, transport,plus supporting his hustle, etc what is there to save? I am not complaining. The only way out is to maybe move to a cheaper place, which would be far from place of work and just keep praying.
DeleteSee, anywhere in the world, a responsible man is supposed to provide for his family.
ReplyDeleteI have no respect for a man who consistently, on the long run, allows his wife to pay all the bills. It's not fair on the woman and it's a form of abuse.
Forget that he's not lazy. If you lose your source of income and the family was staring at hunger and homelessness, won't he do something about it? There's dignity in labour especially abroad. If he's willing to fend for his family, he will. But he's not willing. He's complacent because you are there.
But then he can't give what he doesn't have. The first step is to get involved in his ability to earn an income. If entrepreneurship is not working, he needs to get a job, no matter how lowly. Tell him you both need to start planning for the future and you need him to tell you what he's doing/planning to do for money.
The discussion doesn't have to be confrontational. It's what people that care about each other do. You can't be scared to talk honestly with your husband. If you don’t do it now, you might be carrying this load for a long time.
He really needs to up his game n b a man.. He relax de wait for woman to provide. That ur hubby henn
DeleteThanks. I met my bf jobless he got a job and wan still continue his stinginess I no gree o coz I no want this kind of your story that touch. Can u imagine that it's just 10k he finally agreed to gv me as monthly allowance from his 98k salary. He defaulted at 1st and took many more drama&prayers to get him to remain steady.
DeleteI advise u however to keep leaving certain slacks for him to pick up. You'll be disappointed when he fails o but keep up with it and allow him realize his position as a man o. No small man anywhere if&when he makes it my dear, you'll have some he owes u his all attitude and he'll not accept it from u. Truth is that in d end can break your marriage in d end leaving you with plenty resentment. Allow him pick the slacks and live on as little as u can,save your cash and start other investments.
My 2cents
Goldscent, there have been days there was no food o. Even for our baby. Somehow God made a way. I secretly resent that he doesnt want an office job. He claims it isnt what he wants. He just wants to make it big with business. I have been supporting. In my mind I feel he should do something no matter how menial. I would support. No o. He has big ideas. They are smart but will we eat it? I would do anything just to provide for my child. I expect at least that attitude from him. I feel he is directing his energy wrongly.
DeleteI just had to comment. There is something wrong with ur situation dear. If he is waiting to hit it big in business and he isnt doing anything else to make money then he is a lazy man. don't deceive urself pls talk to him and tell him to find something that bring in some money in the meantime no matter how small. like someone said earlier there is dignity in Labour. it is bad that a man can't even drop 5k for the family. There is no respect in it. ur daughter sef won't respect a father that can't provide pls dont raise her to think it's fine for a man not to provide for his family. excuse any typos just had to give my 2 cents.
DeleteMy dear poster, stop covering up for a lazy man. Any man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel.
DeleteHe even gets jobs but refuse to take them???? What rubbish! That man is taking you for a fool. What happened to starting small?
Anyways, I dont blame him. You gave him the impression that you were the man in the relationship and trapped him down with marriage. So reap what you have sown.
Blunt.
What does he mean by he does not want office job...he should start from somewhere abeg, Rome was not built in a day.
DeletePoster am sorry to say this but if your husband is refusing an office job and is only hoping to make it in business, then he is selfish and lazy. He is your husband so you should be able to tell him how you feel. Communication matters a lot in marriage.
DeleteHe needs to get even if it's a menial job to help out at home no matter how small. He is still the man of the house.
I am experiencing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI have been married for over 2 yrs and hubby hasn't been able to secure a job. Its been tough but God has been faithful. I believe God will answer our prayers soon. Lets just hold on. Please if anyone has a Maintenance Technician Job FOR HUBBY kindly indicate. we will be very grateful.
He can try something else
Deletebut why marry an unemployed man??? Who then paid for the wedding? Na wa o. I cant seriously date an unemployed,talk less of marrying one.
DeleteMy 2cents
@ Lola Racheal, your head is valid!
DeleteFor the first time,Stella finds herself a decent chair to sit on.
ReplyDeleteTo the matter, I think the poster should empathize with her husband,put herself in his shoes.
In Nigeria presently, we see a lot of wives who are unemployed,where the whole burden lies on the men, yet everyone sees it as normal,even so called feminists, yet the husbands don't complain.
Dear poster,this is my advice for you, speak with him extensively on how he could generate more income,since he is intelligent and hardworking,even if you have to sacrifice somethings for his investment. And again,try to cut your spendings,adjust it in such a way that you don't get broke quickly.
CHESSMASTER
I disagree with you. From what I've been seeing and hearing lately, it's the other way round. These days most single income families have the wives as the breadwinners. Most of these men claim to be businessmen or entrpreneurs when in fact their wives are feeding, clothing and housing the family. The truth is that women are silent about it so that they won't hurt their husbands feelings
DeleteLIAR....even here in Nigeria,so many women have become breadwinners of their home even when some have husbands that work. Most men these days just leave their responsibilities for their wives while they chase side chicks and spend what they cant give to their wives on them.
DeleteIts not d fault of d men though,its just that some women like to behave like super heroes and by the time they want things to flow normally,its usually late,like in this poster's case.
I'm here to join the family,BVs please welcome me..
ReplyDeleteWelcome Judex!
DeleteWelcome Jude!
DeleteAaaaawwww
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a good girl,reasonable too...and your hubby the way you described him isn't bad too.
As long as he has potentials,is not lazy...still looking out for something..i know you will smile soon...
Remember this,in as much as it might hurts now,you feel exhausted..you can't save..you can't put your feet up...don't think negatively..always try to avoid situations where you talk down on him(it will be tough) you are a wise woman...
Every married woman will not want such loads on her shoulders,no one will ever pray for this situation..but my people say..mgberede ka eji ama dike..don't let friends make you feel worse,stay on your lane...look out for job opportunities for him..if his line of business is not working out,maybe it is time to re-strategise.you are already in this together and you must make it work....also spend according to what is available...try as much as possible to cut down on some things for now..you have the whole time to jolly later.
Remember never to divulge everything that happens in your home to friends and families...just share your concerns with him,guide him and always prod him on to look for opportunities or better still look for a white collar job that can bring in something into your home...this is a heavy burden,but remember some success stories you have heard..don't dwell on the bad ones...If this man is wise,he will never forsake you when things get better...because it will!
*hurt*
DeleteIphie dearie. God bless you. Great advice. I have never divulged any of this to anyone. I felt safe here under anonymous mode. I needed to load off cos its been weighing me down. Thanks a lot
DeleteIf your family is good. Find a way around to get them to help with a job, biz idea something. It should be done in a way that won't put him b also won't make him too comfortable in his present state..
DeleteBut if ur hubby is serious he will take d office job haba
DeleteMy dear just hold on.. A miracle to elevate him wud happen so.. Try n talk to him abt ur fears nd worries but let him know u care.. I pray u pass this phase of ur life
ReplyDeleteSoon*
DeleteThank you Jenny. I will let you guys know when the miracle arrives. Richard cards will be distributed. Lol
DeleteI can totally relate with this, its sooooo annoying even though you love the person, you cant help but burst out at times. well you have to be patient, I'm sure its killing him inside that he cannot provide for you and your child, at least he is looking for something to do unlike some lazy men that would sit at home and even collect money for you to go spend on other women. your hubby is making an effort and I think you should be patient.
ReplyDeleteYou painted him as a good man who is not comfortable with your situation, that's a plus. But, my worry is by the time he gets something doing and start earning money, will he assume his responsibility as the provider of the home. From the little he earns now he should be able to do something to show that when things turn he will be the man he should be.
ReplyDeleteDear am glad you realize your initial mistake, by being the man in your relationship instead of the helper. Encourage him and pray he starts earning money before he becomes too comfortable with this arrangement.
My fear exactly. The deed is done. His kind of business is periodic. He hasnt earned anything in months. I really hope something changes soon. Thank you
DeleteIt's well sweety God will do it....just keep hoping and praying for him too becos ur prayer as a woman will do wonders onto him....pray also dat he remembers you when d money come rolling...I know of a girl that is marrying next week who laboured, toiled to make her man happy @ last he got this oil job....and he is spoiling her silly right now...he keeps asking her how or what he can do to ever pay her back....so sweety be patient
ReplyDeleteI know someone who was in this situation, it can be very demoralising, buh with time everything wld get better. Today that man is a multi billionaire and doesn't stop talking about his highly supportive wife,she doesn't work cos she doesn't need to...she has everything she wants and lives in luxury!just keep praying,we serve a God that is called the on time God,we wld do our part and leave the rest to him!
ReplyDeleteI believe. I claim this story IJN! God can do it. Thanks for the encouragement
DeleteI claim too. Lord Jesus pls help us!
DeleteChei, it feels like I sent in this story but in my case, he's not my husband yet but I'm so scared of what the future holds. It's not easy o. We've been believing God that he'll get a better job but nothing seems to be happening.
ReplyDelete...but I love him dearly, too much if you ask me and I don't even know why!
Better leave now so y Dnt send Stella chronicle oo lol
DeleteYou*
DeleteYou better engage ur senses now to prevent stories that touch oo
DeletePoster laughs.......Sammy, maybe he is great in bed*winks*. Its okay to be supportive but be sure your love is strong enough to weather the storm after marriage. I pray things change for him. Amen
DeleteI can assure you that if it was a man with half your monthly income as his take home,he wouldnt even complain of being the sole breadwinner nor complain of stress. But such is life, as it is the man's duty to provide gives you right of complain. I hope you are not getting wrong advice from friends yet nor being wooed by another bloke yet?
ReplyDeleteOoh phuleaseeeeeee
DeleteHe is the man, so why should he complain??
I will take my time to reply you @Mr Tmi. Y I disagree with ur notion is that, a woman gets pregnant, delivers d baby, do all the chores pertaining to the baby n husband, cooks for the family n u still expect her to carry the burden of providing for the house too. Habah na! Fear God o! It is jst too much for a woman to do all these activities. What's d role of d man then? Only knacking n watching TV. Pls do think about it. Men Pls try n provide for ur wives. if that's d only thg u can do, we will appreciate it. Thks
DeleteTenderheart
Hmmmmmm you said this started while courting him?? And you didn't address the situation....well I think you're gonna have to learn how to live with it. All the best.
ReplyDeleteyou are just putting yourself under pressure dear.
ReplyDeletethe good thing is it bothers him that he isnt making money and u hav said it all yourself that he isnt lazy just that luck hasnt smiled on him yet.
just keep praying and encouraging him...and when you wanna bring it up.. say it in a loving way like: i cant wait for my husband to be blessed so he can spoil me silly, take me on vacation, buy me any hair i want etc. and then kiss him and say u believe in him and he will make it soon.
this will encourage him to work her and think smarter. btw: smart work pays way more than hard work
To work her = to work hard*
DeleteWell said!
Thank you. Noted....
Deletemy dear as I was reading your post;I was scrolling to see where you wrote that he is lazy and nonchalant towards the problem; but I didn't see it.Here you painted a picture of a wonderful man that most women would want even without money; pls marriage is for difficult situations you carry the other along. marriage is never sweet my dear and it has its ups and down.let me tell you there are women who married very rich guy;but tomorrow everything vanished like thin air;they had to leave with the woman's income.some men lost their great paying jobs and their wives supported them.pls pray for you husband and give him all the love that he needs. don't even let the person close by to hear that you are carrying the family and support him.you know my dear;an adage goes like this: you don't know what you have until you loose it.may it never be your portion.
ReplyDeleteMe too,he painted a good picture of a man what do you want people to tell rather than to be patient
DeleteNo he isnt lazy but he isnt job hunting either. Just pursuing business ideas which need funding (smiles, guess who is the fall-back? I pray for him daily and feel bad for even worrying. It is indeed for better for worse. The worse part just came first. I havnt disclosed to anybody. I never would. I try my best to protect him, even go as far as lying to people about things he has done. It is well
DeleteAm not trying to b rude here Bt ur hubby isn't helping matters.. A man who has an atom of dignity left wud take up d office job nd if he loves u so much he wud do anything to b a man and provide for his family.. That is an intelligent nd hardworking man.. Pls talk sense into his head
DeleteYMayb u suld hv a heart to heart talk with him, I kw if he have he will not ket all d financial bording b on u alon, pray to God for him to hv a job and cater fir d family
ReplyDeleteAnd what language is this please? You should be in school and not on blogs trying to comment in a language even you do not understand. Am talking to you Yetty.
Deletehmmm...poster I think ur husband is a good man. I used to date a guy that didnt have anything. I met him jobless and was picking all his bills as well cos I was working at the time. we were talking marriage until the guy met another rich babe wey get money pass me. he moved on and was leaching off her as well. Thank God we broke up...PS he married the rich bank girl...When I think of the money I spent on this guy hmmmmm....it is well...Please keep praying for ur hubby...He is a good man. If u can pull strings to get him a job, that will be great.
ReplyDeleteThank you.Your ex was just after the money. While I was dating hubby, I stumbled on a message (while 'accidentally' going through his phone messages of course). His was asking his friend for a loan. His friend said he didnt have and asked him to ask me. Bf said no, he couldnt do that. That he wishes he could give me all I deserve. Maybe one of the reasons I stuck. It made me sure he wasnt a scam. I pray things change soon.
DeleteHmmmn...oriegwu!
DeleteBut let him do office job nd b a man not choosing jobs!!! So if u r d one jobless he wnt take up d office job? Dis is upsetting me biko lol
DeleteHI Poster, hmmm your story was me about a month ago. infact I wrote to Stella but she never posted my story. I met my husband and we were both jobless. later I got a job and he started a small business. we dated for 1 year and throughout I handled all the bills mine and his (house rent, pocket money, every single thing I did for him) because he's business wasn't growing. Reason I invested so much is because I knew he was a good man. of all the men I had dated he was the only one that really adored and treated me like a queen not because I had anything as a matter of fact we were both jobless initially remember! my family footed all the wedding bills because my mom saw that I really had a good man in my life. My husband is the kindest guy ever, he is loving, respects me, adores me, he is everything and I love him. we got married 6 months ago and I continued carrying all the financial bills. he satyed a great man, he did a lot of things to make up for the money he wasn't bringing in. but there were times I cried, wept, wailed to God to intervene but his business wasn't growing. I was drained financially and sometimes I even snapped at him. then I started begging him to pick up a job since he's a graduate but he insisted on his business. infact I felt he was just being selfish because he knew my salary could sustain us. late salary wasn't even enough to sustain us so i started borrowing. I started praying and my mum joined me in praying for God to touch his heart and get a job. but the more I nagged him about getting a job the more he wasn't going to leave his business. Then God intervened in a mysterious way. I lost two pregnancies in four months out of our 6 months marriage and then my doctor told him that its because i'm stressed. my husband felt so bad and we really talked and I bore my heart to him crying that I was really sad and drained from carrying all the financial load. guess what?!!! in two weeks my husband dropped his cv and got over 4 job offers and he finally picked one. Now he earns more than I do, he takes care of me, we fight less and even his business started to pick up. so my dear long story is only GOD can touch a mans heart. if u nag, complain it woundn't change anything bare your heart to God the bible says the heart of Kings are in the hands of God and he directs it in whichever way he pleases. I pray that God will turn your situation around because I understand and I feel your pain. but trust me if you married a good man, he will remain good whether he is rich of poor. infact he will get better when the money comes because he will realize you were there for him when he had nothing. DONT LET OTHER PEOPLES BAD STORIES MAKE YOU FEEL THAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL CHANGE WHEN HE HAS MONEY. PRAY TO GOD TO BLESS HIM. THERE ARE GOOD MEN AND I PRAY YOUR HUSBAND WILL REMIAN GOOD LIKE MINE. WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE
ReplyDeleteAww I thank God for your family dear Mrs Rachael...your story is really inspiring.
DeletePoster I suggest u be more patient with him, since u knew all these things about him b4 u got married. Be prayerful nd hope for a change..! Kpele
Good one.
DeleteMrs Racheal. You just touched my heart. This is exactly my situation. I have borrowed join. Mine doesnt have all the certifications for a great white collar job. Mayb why he keeps focusing on business. God will give me strength to carry on. He is great in every other aspect, I must say. I pray he will remain the same when God smiles on us.
DeleteAwwwwww....happy for u Boo.
Delete@ Poster,he is a good man. Be more patient.....keep taking it to GoD in prayers.
And whatever u do,pls don't nag!
Dat would make him feel like a failure and make him resentful....
Don't think I don't know how u feel,I do....
I really do...
The Bible says dat a man who can't provide for his family is like an Infidel....
Buh hold d faith! Be patient a little longert darling....It wil end in praise.
GoD wil give him a breakthrough....Something major...
Jisike nwanne m nwanyi...Warm hugs.
Sorry about your loss@ Mrs, may God restore all that you lost. @ poster, he seems like a good man, I pray something good turns up soon for him.
Deletemy dearest please be patient. As i was reading this ur write up, something told me to tell u that u will laugh at last. Mind u i'm not joking i have a gift of prophecy so to say though it hasnt fully manifested. But please be patient ok, it will all be fine, it may not be now, it may not be nxt year but just know that u will laugh at last. write 2day's date cus it must surely happen. Just manage n try not to get preggy again. just do the most important things n leave d rest to God. Where ure going is full of joy n laughter n people will envy u but they wont know ur story.
ReplyDeletePls pray for me too. I need it in my life. I am looking for the fruits of the womb.
DeleteAmen! It will be so for me. The lines are already fallen onto me in perfect places.
DeleteYou are blessed.
Poster....
Amen,amen n amen.
Delete@ Anony 3:14,ur breakthrough is close dear.very close.
You said that he is not a lazy man but favour has not smiled on him.Hmmmm, why then are you blaming him?he is not God.If he was lazy and caresless about the situation,then,you have every right to complain.My advice for you is that both of you should come together as man and wife and go to God in prayer,ask God for Mercy and Favour because all your husband needs now is encouragement and connection.Both of you were not even prepared for marriage you went in to it because you were pregnant.He is your husband o,so,you must stick with him whether you like it or not.
ReplyDeleteWell,u knew wat u were getting into and you did.I'll say u were in love and followed your heart but now, u are in it and there is no going back.I'd suggest u talk to him about it, choose ur words carefully, pour out ur heart and withold nothing.I pray u both find find a lasting solution soon.
ReplyDeletehmm I feel your pain woman.. sincerely I do.
ReplyDeleteRemember some years back when I dated a lazy but cute guy, he almost milked me dry. His daily allowance of N1000 never misses, sometime self I do pay upfront just for him to keep body and soul together(all in the name of staying together thru thick and thin(yimu)).
fastforward to few months later, I became tired and unhappy about the situation, I told him and he kept assuring me that things would be better soon (until when!?) Omo menh when the matter chock me I run leave am, but he kept begging me and even got so violent at a time...to cut the short story short sha.. it was 5years ago and now we both are still single (me in a better position and him still struggling to get his life together)
Lmao. You guys should reunite noww make e chop the one way you don manage save. Lol.
Delete*just joking. The guy's first name should be leech. Mr Leech! Kikikiki
Nneoma, biko, MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING O !
ReplyDeleteYou said he is a good man , He appreciate your contribution . Sweetie , I know your pain , I know your anger and frustration . Don't let it overshadow you . You are both still young . Marriage is not suppose to be butter, whether rich or poor , Talk to him, Ask your family and friends for help since you said your people are comfortable . IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM AS YOU SAID, HELP BUILD THAT HOUSE THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE !
Support him in seeking a better life, please don't nag him . work with him, together you will get there together .
They said that tomorrow is a new day , you never can tell what your tomorrow will be . IT SHALL BE WELL DEAR .
Well,u knew wat u were getting into and you did.I'll say u were in love and followed your heart but now, u are in it and there is no going back.I'd suggest u talk to him about it, choose ur words carefully, pour out ur heart and withold nothing.I pray u both find find a lasting solution soon.
ReplyDeleteYou never know how or when God wants to bless you. Keep being the good wife you are. I can imagine how you feel. My mum had similar experience when almost everything my dad had got burnt to the ground during crisis in Jos but she kept on supporting us all in good faith and today things are better.
ReplyDeletePls whr do I find good food to eat in Kd hunger wan kill me. NAF club is rubbish. D house I stay.....*sighs* My best bet is to chop clean mouth n I can't find any fast food joint. I stay around NDA can't eat mama put though. Make una help me abeg.
ReplyDeleteI did my nysc in NDA,I had mad fun there.anyways that was a long time ago,I love food planet at independence way.nice places to eat too at kasua..its far from u though but its cool.howz kd? I miss that city *Reminiscing*
Deletetry food planet. they av nic food and very affordable
DeleteThanks anon n her majesty will definitely try. @ anon Kd is fine busier now than ever. I guess pple r relocating from d insurgency ravaged areas.
DeleteJust be patient things will change for him for the beat and you will testify
ReplyDeleteMy sister no be only you. You should be happy at least you still have a good paying job.
ReplyDeleteMine a little job of 30k but a lot of responsibility thinking about how the kids school fees will be paid and other expenses. Last week, I asked him of how we will foot the bill of the balance of the children school fees which I paid, got a shock of my life he didn't even respond (not even a comment) !!!*eye filled with tear*!!!!
After-all other women are doing the same (with some instance) he will always say to defend himself.
Still more that 50% of the school fees to be paid *all on my salary {which is chicken change to many}*
God give me a good job oooooo!.
My neck will soon break is care is not taken. God's intervention I need ASAP ! !
It's true that when a man doesn't have, he becomes humble. But a man u've known for over 2years, you Should know that type of person he is. With or without money. I think 180k is enough to sustain a home of three. The only logic behind it is PLAN PLAN PLAN. And u must be saving every month. How does 180k go in two weeks and u guys are just 3. When u pay ur tithe, budget a certain amount for foodstuff and house up keep, ur hair, whatever else u need to do, where does d money go biko. I know it's not easy. But trust me when I tell u a whole lot of women are d breadwinners in their homes today. U are not alone. If God has blessed u financially,plz help ur family. Before money comes every month, make a list of what's going to be spent. Please don't envy any body, hv no regrets. U might have been married to a wealthy man who treats u badly. Have faith in ur hubby, pray for him too. From all u said, he's a good man. Believed in him. Somethings wud Come up soon. Before dt happens, enjoy ur marriage. There are people who r comfortable with d man earning less than 180k and d woman isn't working. All It takes is planning. Goodluck and God's grace.
ReplyDelete180k is the amount with devaluation of Naira o. Lol. Less than that.1000 dollars is just a round figure. Actually I get debited part of that to repay a loan I took to pay for rent and other miscallenous. We are trying to manage but nothing to save. Like you said, I will plan better. It finishes maybe cos I also have to fuel his movements and hustle. I have sacrificed, even went without making my hair for months.And this is a former fine girl o. Sounds so funny. I will manage better. Thank you.
DeleteUr hubby shd take up d smallest job naa.. Person de get shame Bt I no understand dis one wey no want office job, if he were my brother I go yab am
DeleteThanks Mrs Racheal. I hope the poster will learn from your experience. Experience is the best teacher.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you said he is a good man abi, he loves you and you love him, thats enough to keep you guys going. Money shouldnt be a problem as long as he shows he is not happy about the situation. Dont stop doing what you are doing, God will one day cause his favour to shine upon both of you. it is well with you.
ReplyDeleteDearest BV, i completely understand what you are going tru as i am in a worse condition, Sincerely when you settle for less, you get much less than you deserve and settled for. Your marriage is barely a year and atleast hubby has been able to contribute about 300,000 naira, thats good.
ReplyDeleteHere is my story.....
I was a big girl back in school with a sound SUV, i graduated with good grades, and went for service. Met him during my service year, we were both serving in thesame LGA. He had NOTHING to his name, i noticed he was not organised also but felt maybe it's cos he had nothing, Long story short, he moved in with me, and my financies started going down, we had our introduction ceremony a year latter, and married another year after. I opened businesses for him to manage, they both went down the drain, i sold my SUV and bought a smaller car, things got worse and i started begging for money from family members. I eventually got a job and moved to Lagos, left my car with him and a cyber cafe to manage but after a year, he could not raise rent so he had to sell my the car and cafe and joined me in Lagos. Our Marriage is over three years now and that is five years since we met, Not once has he contributed and he gets angry when anyone finds out i pay the bills, Now i am pregnant and i have health issues plus i have not been paid at work for a while now and i told him i would have to resign, Imagine his response, ''How would we manage if you resign?. He is dirty, i get home from work late and clean up after him, he is teaching in a private school with 25k salary, i cant remember the last time i enjoyed sex, right now, i am low in blood, sugar and protain, not been feeding well with my condition and he is still believing God for a Miracle, I regret marrying this man, I get alot of ''is it because i dont have money? he thinks he did me a favour by marrying me.
Oh did I say why i really married him? I wanted a God fearing Born again Christain, Oh and he LOVES to go to church, he has just been made youth Pastor... Sorry for the long Epistle, Let me end here and leave the rest to ur imaginations. I have asked for a seperation.
Wow. Your story is touching. I feel your pain. I don't even know what to say. My hubby is very born again ish too. Fasting and prayer constantly hoping it would change. I even wish mine would take a teaching job for even 15k. Anything will do. I know he feels he is too big for that. Business hustle till it pays. I am trying to be strong. I dont want to imagine worst case scenario. Take heart and hope all goes well with you.
DeletePoster
I strongly believe that a man should be a man.many marriages are failing because d man has refused to be a man.my take in this is that before u marry please make sure he has something doing.that is different from been materialistic.at the end of the day,most marriages pack up cause women can't manage success.they are not programmed to be d provider.a time will come and she won't take it any more.be wise pple.
DeleteOh lord!! I don't even want to imagine the rest dear..The lord is your strength!
DeleteKarma! After doing runs in school you went to marry God fearing man, you never see anything.
DeleteNa the married men wives curses dey follow you so. And yes! Your husband did you a favour by marrying you. Nonsense!!!
Gosh na wa o tins I read here.i thank God for my husband. I dont work and yet I dont lack.i get anything I want and the best at that.God I am grateful
DeleteDecent chair indeed...its not easy BV but you have to continue doing it since you both are in love...try not to complain much...cut down on your expenses, and try to increase your savings so you both can start a business with it...goodluck
ReplyDeleteMy story was a bit similar to yours. Hubby was broke when we met, but I knew he had prospects. we prayed and he decided to start a business, and to the glory of God the business is making money, and he has taken charge of the affairs at home, and along the line he also got a job. Right now I'm the one partially in charge of the business. why not have a heart to heart with him, find out what he really wants to do (apart from office job), help him with the capital and pray for him? I'm sure you will come back here with testimonies. Mama Ebube
ReplyDeleteMama Ebube, we have talked about it severally and I support him. He comes to me with all the business ideas to seek my input. Though he doesn't outrightly ask for money for his business I always assist and say we r biz partners so he doesn't feel bad. Though none of the ideas has worked yet, we are still on it. I pray for the same faith he has. Our testimony will come soon. Thanks
DeletePoster....
Let him do d office job Abeg which kain talk b dis?
DeleteMy darln, I would advice u endure a little more. Its difficult, but u say he is a good man. I believe also it was true LOVE, dat brought u guys together. Contrary to Stella's advice, I don't think u shld discuss this wit him, men hv Ego problem. Try doing a joint account, no matter Ђδω little he contributes. You be d costodian of funds. Wit love, tell him u will be giving him monthly allowance frm d joint account. He still needs to feel like d man. Watever u buy, u will now see it as not only u, but BOTH of u. Concerntrate more on helping him find a better job. The Load will be less. Above all pray for him, in LOVE. My one penny.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, since you said the man is a good person and you are already married to him, be patient with him. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Although some men are ingrates, give this one a chance, God will not allow you to suffer in vain.
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful aunt married a good man who had nothing, my family members nearly drove this lady insane with their verbal abuse. They told her how she did not know her worth, bla, bla bla. Today, God has proven them wrong. The man is doing very well, coupled with humility and the fear of God. I pray your own case will not be different. You shall reap the good fruits of your labour. Rose
Amen. My family has made comments too because of my background but I just try to ignore. God will do it for us so we can share our testimony. Thank you
DeleteMy dear I have carried mine for six years just like urs he is a good man he is not lazy we are waiting for God's favor on us and I know He will favor us. With little he gets he pays all the utility bills buy gas those small small bills but I do the major ones knowing he can't afford for now some time I complain. But He is a really good man. Just try and do the ones u can do my dear is well you think you are the only one wearing that shoe until you talk you will see women that are even my mother's age going through the same thing by the time the advice you you will keep quite. My mother will always tell me that I don't know tomorrow I should treat him with respect so what do I do. I grow up seeing my father provide the family with everything but now my case is the opposite. The Lord is our strength for even giving good health and Job the take care of the family just say thank you Jesus is not easy but we shall overcome. I know a family that both husband and wife are not doing anything if you are the woman what will you dodo. Thank God you are doing something and that ur husband loves and appreciate what you are doing believe me I understand you I have been there longer than you. It is well my dear
ReplyDeleteThank you anonymous. I also grew up with my father providing all we need. I have never even complained to hubby. Just holding it and trying to endure. We have prayed our way through it thus far. God will complete it. Amen. Anonymous, whoever you are, God is going to surprise you. Before the end of January God will do something great in your family. Please come here and testify when it happens.
DeleteMy heart is welling up to tell you so. God bless you.
sometimes these men who av not stood on their feet yet r wonderful hmm, Mr o.. has no job his wife takes care of him and his 2 kids she is so in love.When mrs O is @ work mr O brings his babes home to do d do.He clubs at will with d car mrs O bought.Now imagine mr o standing on his feet it will be helele.
ReplyDeleteBut poster u posted d story of a good man, one of the best there is therefore be calm.Believe God and look out for jobs for DH.A time will come it MUST pass.But the second u notice any change in character nne shine ya eye.tupu i gba loss.
I feel u should b happy,the fact you even have to give should make u smile,his ur husband remember?ur (family)I kw its wrong fr 1half 2 carry all of the burdens,just saying he might b like this for d nxt 5years n d day u decide 2 leave he gets big,ask urslf who's gona refund all ur investments,time?uv started it marriage is really for better or for worst n I believe u meant it wen u said it,give him a nice meal n talk 2 him,if his aiming 2 high he can drop a lil low,de r lil jobs dat pays "na whr u work u go chop"wish ya fam luck
ReplyDeleteBe patient dear and talk to God about it,HE answers prayers.
ReplyDeleteBe patient God is in control
ReplyDelete@ Mrs Rachel, your story really touched me. You need to see the way I paid much attention reading it. Thank God for ur life and I pray things will keep getting better for you and ur household.
ReplyDeleteIf you can add up Mrs Rachel's word with Prov 30:10 down then you can overcome it all. Mom has never nagged on dad to provide so i'll say talk and not quarrel ,try and help with mouth advert, hint him of offices you believe he can conquer. Respect God in your request and not be a commandant. Good luck sis
ReplyDeleteaunty stella why are you always sitting down? every time sit, chair, seat ahhaaann, I hope you wont develop back pain from this your constant sitting down, biko endeavor to also be strolling at least even if its once in a while.Anyways poster I remember an aunt of mine complained about this same issue to my mum not too long ago, exactly as you've written it and I think they have been married for the same length of time too, wait ooo sister Ifeoma is that you, are you poster, didn't mumsy tell you to always tell him to bring something or whatever he has and if he complains that you should tell him that you guys would manage whatever.I remember she also told you to be saying they've not paid you yet or you're broke if he complains that you have money and are asking.Anyways I will just sit back and read comments, but sister I know this is you, yes it is you, the way the poster wrote, is how you talk.Tell brother Philip high though, he is actually a really nice man. Dont worry things would change soon.#strollsawaytocallmummy#
ReplyDeleteThis is the mirror image of what I went through!!!!
ReplyDeleteNow I will talk to you like a sister.
1. He does not provide because he knows you do. He married you with the full knowledge that you will provide and if it gets too bad your wealthy family will jump in.
2. You know he is lazy so stop fooling yourself.
3. He's helpful around the house, right? Even men who look after their wives help out. It's no biggie and no replacement for a real job.
3. He is hoping and praying for things to improve? That's called relaxing.
4. My ex was sweet, loving and chilled until he earned some money and showed his true self. Your case will not be different. No woman's case is special.
4. His family are secretly blaming you for his situation. Even though you met him like this.
5. He get's moody whenever you get upset or bring up his issue but since you want to be happy you quickly resolve things.
6. You are used to and like good things and even though you wish he would at least once in a while provide those things you wont stop because you want to enjoy your life.
7. You lie to people about what he does.
8. He is great in bed and always willing to do whatever you want.
9. You don't really know his
friends and he kind of keeps you away from his family. It's because he doesn't want anyone to spoil his free ride by letting slip who he really is.
10. If you ever stop providing, he will show signs of leaving.
11. Everything he tells you about his exes and why they broke up is a lie. It was the money.
situation.
12. Re-consider your definition of a good man. He hasn't been tested so trust me, you do not know his true character.
Don't end up like me. lauren79hayes@gmail.com If you want to talk.
so u live with them to be able to say these things ehn.some people are just somehow. why not work and give advice based on what she wrote as you've got no proof to reason otherwise. pls dont send her a mail poster, people like this would rather break u than make u
DeleteMadam poster, it will be well. I know what we women go through. Out of 100% marraige, you will find that 80% are women who bear the burden of the family. Only prayers can do the work. Dont loose focus. Me too i don nag my man tire, but I know God will smile on us very soon. Continue helping him to be the man. Dont nag him too much ooo before the guy provoke
ReplyDelete@Agudiegwu jude, you are welcome to this wonderful family, but first thing first, Please meet Bloglord to write and mark your name on the blog register.Thank you.
ReplyDeletePoster am sure ur hubby appreciate wot are doin cuz we guys are nt foolish.It has happened to me b4 n d gal is nt even my wife,just a gf n she really tried for me n help me wen i needed her nt dt she pay my house rent or feed me bt she dont collect a dime from me even hair money n shes loyal cuz she had gud job.Her only fear is dt hope i wont change or disappoint her wen tinz rozy for me cuz i hav a gal am datin b4 i met her den bt dt 1 is all abt my money n she tink wen am ok i wil choose d oda gal bt am nt a fool or an ingrate,Tinz are beta nw n am very ok n she dont believe it wen i propose to her n our weddin is on 13th of dis month.We guys are nt fools n i cant loose a gud woman just becuz am successful nw.Just hold on tinz wil change for ur hubby.
ReplyDeleteIts really a tough one....May God strengthen you..
ReplyDeleteposter.. yes, love is not enough sometimes but at this point what could u possibly do? quitting the marriage is not much of an option now, especially with a child involved. Thank God atleast u have a stable job. Keep supporting him like u have been doing while u guys dated, pray(cliche i know, but it works), and please do not rub it on his face that u r the breadwinner. Who knows, some day things will get better for y'all... but in the meantime pls cater to the family God gave u. kisses..
ReplyDeleteHmmm, this is a tight one. Can you set him up in business? Marriage goes with alot of patience and sacrifice. Why not teach him how to fish instead of fishng for him. With time it will get better. Relax dear, it will end in praise for you. E-hugs
ReplyDeleteAm sorry to deviate. I want to learn tailoring in Aba, anybody with information on how to go about it?
ReplyDeleteMadam don't use your own hand to spoil or scatter the home God has given you,just be a bit patient with him,since u earn some money,try n get him a job,even. If its little God will definitely favor him. my dear a lot of women carry d load of the family,prayers my dear,prayers.
ReplyDeleteUr case is better. He appreciates u n still feels guilty for not doing what he's meant to do. Just keep praying for him.
ReplyDeleteStella you take this matter serious ooo cos this your chair dey comfty to think wella.
ReplyDeletePoster I won't say I understand you totally cos am not in your shoes but I have found myself doing this and that for a boyfriend not because I was a fool but becos I cared and I had enough to give us. But in the longrun the interpret it as foolishness and stupidity cos dey feel they are smarter.
Since you are married and you know him so well not to be a lazy man,maybe you should still chill for him and continue to encourage him...Don't make him feel less of a man...If he is truly a good man like you said,he will surely remember your good deeds....
Pele. The Lord will help your hubby and you as well!!!!
For the first time I read comments that made me feel there are real people here,
ReplyDeleteThank God we know money insnt everything, there is a better tomorrow my dear just hold on it won't be like these forever, trust God to intervene,and you are a good woman too
I feel you @ poster. You should be thankful that you make $1,000 on the average. Some people are worse off. Keep supporting and pray for him as well, am sure with time things will work out fine and we will read your testimony on the blog. It can be hard but you need to be strong and be there for your man.
ReplyDeleteGoldscent making sense since 1900..
ReplyDeleteDear,
ReplyDeleteJust keep praying to God for financial security for him,you can ask him to take a teaching job or better still start a little business.
Staying without doing any dream job will not help,don't despise the days of a little beginning.
It is well.
Shallom
Dear Poster,I understand how feel but you knew this and u were already carrying the burden even before u got married. From the way you described ur hubby, he is also not happy about the way things are but he cant give what he doesnt have. that's the truth. But then speak with him(not nag) and make him see reasons why he has to take up ANY job for now no matter how small the pay may be and while at it,he will look for a better job. At least whatever he gets from d job will cater for some things in ur home and keep you sane too.
ReplyDeleteKeep supporting him but i just hope he wont change when he gets a good job or still make you carry the burden just because he thinks you have been doing it and you should probably continue doing it. *e-hugs
men r nt ingrates. whn i graduated from school, i resolved to only dated a gal that can atleast take care of herself while i search for my way forward. i meant a gal dat suits that yet still in school. i got a petty job of 10k monthly and she was always supportive. 4 months leta God showed up with 1m plus and when i was in camp i gav her d ATM to the Account, i cant 4get hw good she was. we r now happily married.
ReplyDeleteDid you go for marriage counseling before your wedding? From experience and studies, money trouble is one of the things that can break a marriage. It is advised that the man, the provider should have something doing at least. You are feeling a lot of resentment, and no matter what he does you'll still feel that resentment.
ReplyDeleteWell, you have married him, no turning back. Keep praying for him. If he is as industrious as you say, with your prayers, God will surely answer.
Poster be patient and prayerful.
ReplyDeleteYou can cut down on some personal expenses for you, him and your child. Don't be cooking rich foods, go for quick, easy meals for both of you except for your daughter.
Please go for family planning now, to avoid getting pregnant soon.
Try and put a little something aside in case of the unexpected, even $50/monthly.
The matter pass me oh Aunt Stella ,abeg I really need This type of Chair for my room as My Christmas gift. Bless a Sister in need
ReplyDeleteMy dear you have to endure,rembr men respect working clas s ladies,i ll b glad for contributing,who knws luck may smile at him one day n he ll cherish u d more wen dat time comes,Dont forget the golden vow wch says 4 beta 4 worst.But meanwhile i need a job badly,i reside at portharcourt,.would b glad if am granted any opportunity.
ReplyDeletePoster, be a little patient ok. It's not easy, but he's industrious and that means things can change at any given time
ReplyDeleteLife is such a mystery
ReplyDelete#iam Bond#
Awka Nigeria
@ poster,no condition they say is permanent in life.My joy is that u praised him of being a great guy,don't give up on him naw,don't let go naw that u ar all he has,keep pushing together with him as the saying goes," nothing ventures, nothing wins".
ReplyDeleteAm proud to finally be a part of this wonderful family.
#iam Bond#
Awka,Nigeria.
Stella, I sent U my testimony few months ago. It will encourage alot of us.Will send it 2moro.Hope U would share.
ReplyDelete@poster, amen. Please ehnnn, a little patience. you will definitely be in my prayers tonight. Mama Ebube.
ReplyDelete