This topic might not go down well with you,especially if you are living in denial.
The reality of it is that some people are even in marriages where they do not have their spouse' attention.
If you find yourself in a situation like this,instead of living in denial and taking certain things for granted,please putting on your 'working' shoes and begin to find solutions or get out of that hell hole you have confined yourself into......
...then again I just might be wrong!
What do you think? how do you think a 'situation can be remedied?.has anyone ever been in a situation? Is anyone in a situation right now but living in denial?
Come on,you know what a situation is!
Lets go!!!
ANGELRAY SAYS
ReplyDeleteSometimes the best solution is to walk away or be miserable for the rest of ur life. Nobody is worth dying for shikena.
My dear ehhh, I ve a very young girl who has deliberately preferred d situationship in her life, this girl is less dan 25 buh her story is like a 40yrs old cos of stupid love. D so called hubby doesn't care of her existence one dime. Well, she wedded him oh, yes u heard right. She footed all d wedding bills including d court weddings, he can stay 1yr withot dialling her nos, she cries like derz no tomorrow. Now she even tryin to get pregnant by all means thinking d baby wud ignite a mutual spark. She gives him hundreds missed calls he nuh pick e nuh reply only for her to use a cleaner's nos to dial he didnt pick initially buh he returned d missed call buh instead of callin d alarming wife's he dialled d strange nos ....d wife got hysterical n wen he realised its d wife dt used d nos to call him he hung up,#Smh I cant use d rest of my life praying to God to save myy marriage oh wen I can pray a thanksgiving prayer of gratitude of wat d lord has done. I ve stoped pitying her cos she was warned buh she believes hes Gods chosen husband to her so her mindset is messed up that it wud get better. Always borrowing to feed, cant even afford a full meal, her parents have left her to be married oh cos she refuaed to listen to them, forgetting that wat d elders see sitting even if u climb iroko u never see it! D tori plenty I cnt fit to type it all oh.ignore any gbagauns biko, d sun is too much today, like kilode...lol
DeleteI remember, my first bf, doh it's was a distant relationship, the guy was so non challant, I will call n he calls back wen ever he likes, n sometimes claim. He didn't see my calls. I remember I called him one night he didn't call n I used my frds numb wic he doesn't hav n flashed him. He called bback immediately, even disturbing her. If I dnt call sometimes it takes him dayz to call back with no excuze@all. I got tired and told him nxt time it happens we r tru n he repeated it. I didn't waste time o. Ended it. It was my first relationship but I hav seen love n care, that was it
DeleteI had a bf dt was misbehaving n not given attention, even to dey extent of lying that he didn't see my calls, but saw a strange numb dt call n he was disturbing her. If I dnt call him, he will not call for dayz. Warned him but he repeated it, I refused pickin his calls n he never called till today. Good riddance. Am way happy and better. Doh I n my bf r not together Menh that guy payz attention like craze. If he doesn't talk to me in 4hrs he will so disturb me for hourz.
DeleteHmm my dear women bvs its so terrible hw we keep hopin dat a man who will claim loves us nd still want to ve multiple relationships outside..hw does dat add up.Men say wat dey want at d heat of d moment nd once dey r done wit wat dey want zooom dey go to anoda...If u live in d US try nd watch a show called iyanla fix my life abt a man wit 34 children with 17 women nd yes he fathered dem all.u need to hear d confessions some guys were givin der abt hw nd why dey treat women d way dey do..nd trust me most of dem were ryt abt womens actions.Hw can u open up ur legs wide for a man who has multiple children nd u even find out dat most of his baby mamas r due at d same time wit u..nd u still dnt learn u shuld take a walk,nd den u gt preggy for d 3rd,4th time for d same man..come on women wake up..hw do u xpect to get attention fro such a man..he is divided ..so women needs to be crful of d decisions dey make in life..the show its on OWN chanel 49 on infinity cable..cheers.
DeleteHmm my dear women bvs its so terrible hw we keep hopin dat a man who will claim loves us nd still want to ve multiple relationships outside..hw does dat add up.Men say wat dey want at d heat of d moment nd once dey r done wit wat dey want zooom dey go to anoda...If u live in d US try nd watch a show called iyanla fix my life abt a man wit 34 children with 17 women nd yes he fathered dem all.u need to hear d confessions some guys were givin der abt hw nd why dey treat women d way dey do..nd trust me most of dem were ryt abt womens actions.Hw can u open up ur legs wide for a man who has multiple children nd u even find out dat most of his baby mamas r due at d same time wit u..nd u still dnt learn u shuld take a walk,nd den u gt preggy for d 3rd,4th time for d same man..come on women wake up..hw do u xpect to get attention fro such a man..he is divided ..so women needs to be crful of d decisions dey make in life..the show its on OWN chanel 49 on infinity cable..cheers.
DeleteA relationship is common sense is relating wt another!, communication etc, u cnt b begging for attention frm ur partner, u two are supposed to crave to alws communicate wt eachoda like an unbreakable bond,
ReplyDeleteMama Stelz if you like, talk from today until tmrw, naija women can never learn. They rather die there even where the man beats them. Tufia!!!
DeleteThis matter ehn. I read through comments and as usual the thread long of advice is " if he doesn't pay attention to u get busy with work or the kids to get ur mind off him". Like seriously, are u guys kidding me?
DeleteBiko whom did I marry? The kids or the job I want to face? Or the hobbies I want to engage in? Please I did all of that as a single lady. And the purpose of marriage I thought was for companionship...until Sdkers various suggestions.
Please remind me again, did I not meet the man before I met the kids I bore through him? Is the marriage sorely for having kids alone or for me to first and foremost, enjoy my husband and then attend to other secondary responsibilities which also includes the kids?
If u don't know let me tell u what i think. The kids in every marriage remain secondary, like it or not. It doesn't mean that u do not love ur kids, it just means that protocols must be observed in marriage. What about those who have no kids or are yet to have one? Please tell me, would u suggest that they get busy with their neighbours' kids when hubby abandons them? Or is the job and money they make enough to fill the loop holes in their loveless marriage?
Yes every woman should be independent and busy, don't lazy about and irritate ur hubby with idleness. But it doesn't end there people.
If u didn't want me why did u ask me to marry you? Would be happy to get busy knowing I have no man to share my thoughts and challenges with. But the day u asked that I drop my father's name to bear urs was the day I bloody heck became ur responsibility. If u no longer wish to carry on attending to me, kids or not please divorce me and let me face my life knowing that am single yet again and would resume my lonely life.
I cannot be married and lonely, and would have no one tell me to ignore u and get busy with no kids or tellymundo or whatever u call the tv program. Hell freaking NO.
We are either living as husband and wife BUT never as room mates. Is he mad ni? Why would I beg and crave ur attention and subject myself to be a damn furniture because I have to manage an egocentric man? Who born the Maga?
Why are women reducing themselves to nothing and dying of depression for a man who chased after u to marry him? Oh, divorce isn't an option right? **yinmu** be deceiving yourselves u hear.
You are already divorced if for two years or more hubby has refused to fuck u or eat ur food. Infact you are not only divorced but u are WIDOWED!! You love her no more? Fine, let her go.
With the exception of the usual domestic misunderstandings that lasts only for a while, which everyone has to go thru. Anything else that has become permanent should either be stopped or u pack ur shit and leave the man. That's all.
I love you sisi eko, where should I send your kiss to?
DeleteGod bless u jare.
Delete@Sis eko pls try to summarize your write up or better still send in your epistle so stella can do a post on it. please stop attaching your comment as reply on the first comment. you are becoming a bore. No hating just an observation. Thank you.
DeleteSisi Eko,I Love you. God bless you plenty for me. :*
DeleteSisi eko..I love you. This ur talk is so detailed and this is d simple thing I keep drumming in my mum's ears. .. no need forming, if its this bad, then its over nd its best u move out!
DeleteLove lace u think I send u? Why read or reply my boring comment? Am I an entertainer? Is this ur family compound where u can dictate to me here? Pls mind yourself and skip my comments henceforth. Who are u to tell.me where, how, and what to post? Rubbish.
DeleteThank you sis, I love your comment. Chop kiss
DeleteSisi eko, I soo love u for this connent cos thats exactly what am going thru, the kids come first bf me n love lace hold ur peace my friend
DeleteExactly,life is too short to be unhappy...
ReplyDeleteMarriage is mearnt to be enjoyed not to be endured...I keep thanking God for my marriage..no negative stories what so ever...
I thank God for ur marriage! Just keep praying,don't stop praying...d devil knws how 2 make us women relax b4 he attacks, when we least expect!... i'm a married woman too.
DeleteMama sudiq
I know some people who have been in situationships, it's a terrible position to be in. I just wonder why would anyone belittle him/herself that way.
ReplyDeleteI'm just going to wait here for the comments.
Best Blog ever,u doing a great job ma'am;-)
ReplyDeleteIhekire Tony
ReplyDeleteI might be guilty of this, though it was because of distance, but I tried my best.
Chai Phrinkies poor gal. Yes Tony u r highly guilty of ds. Ur best wasn't enof.
DeleteI've been there.. Done that.. Bought a tshirt lol read about it on my blog and share your thoughts please
ReplyDeletehttp://brebrechats.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1
hi stella,i don't usually leave comments here but am in a situation like this at d moment and am hoping that God intervenes in my case.my husband and I have separate rooms,we don't even sleep together anymore.wen I complained about having different rooms.he said it was wat he wanted.he doesn't care about me .he doesn't pay me compliment.i have to kids and I am a very beautiful girl.it wasn't like this wen we got married.i am lost.i don't know wat to do about it really
ReplyDeleteAnon, r u working? Perhaps try to find something to do either work or business wise to occupy yourself, thereby ignoring him. Concentrate more on improving yourself and kids, as opposed to waiting for him to come round. When he sees you no longer have his time, he'll either retrace his steps or step aside.
DeleteClick my name for all your celebration cakes n cupcakes, cheers
My sister, 1st thing to do,take it to God in prayer...next thing is get busy,men hate it wen u equally ignore dem,face ur kids,forget sex for now,hold on to God n prayer now. I ve told my hubby, 'if u like build mansion.....na d same room we go dey sleep'.
DeleteMama sudiq
Get a shuga son and make your self happy...
DeleteEeeyyyaaa anon 12:52
DeleteWhy not sit him down and talk?
Something might be eating him up you know.
The outcome of the discussion should determine your next line of action.
Remember marriage is not always a bed of roses. What matters is how we tackle whatever challenges we encounter.
This too shall pass by God's grace.
Best wishes from me to you.
@ mama sudiq. I think ur advise of no sex will backfire a hundred times over. She can do all u've said without denying him sex bcs that may eventually push him into some whore's arms.
DeleteLike he's not getting that already
DeleteAbi ohhh, Regina my sister
DeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteYes oo..der is dis guy I was dating,calling someone is him biggest p,he can gv excuse for africa.i do everything to get his attention but as soon as u tell him him u re not interested in d relationship,he will call till ur battery drains den after one week back to normal.sometimes we know a man doesn't want us,we even know he has someone else taking his tym but then we keep hoping that he will take us serious or we can walk our way into der life.some men keep some women cos of wat dey get from dem sex or money.. even when women know they re been used dey still wanna keep der hope alive by listening to all d trash the man is telling dem..if not,how can a man chase u out of his house by midnyt cos of anoda and come back d next day to beg u and u accept??WOMEN STOP LIVING IN DENIAL
ReplyDeleteIf u are single and not getting the required attention needed in ur relationship, then u had better find ur square root, coz whn some1 loves you, they'd make out time 4 U, without making up excuses and lying..
ReplyDeleteBut if u are married, plz do all u can 2 gv ur spouse ur attention. If u ain't getting enough, keep trying ur best 2 get their attention coz it is necessaryyyyyyy
*lips sealed and watching*
Perfect!
DeleteSo I should kill my self cos of one mans attention abi?
DeleteI am in this situation as I type.My hubby will do all sorts.and everyone keep saying, you are the woman build your home.I will keep pushing and looking at his face.We have children so I always want the house to be as peaceful as possible. But alas the more I do and give in , the more hubby thinks he is right.He is totally abusing it now.So every other week he will look for trouble out of nothing, knowing fully well I will beg and give in.I have turned to the man now.always looking at his face just so there will be peace.At the moment I am so full of resentment almost at the point of no going back because I feel so empty.I am just living for my kids now.This time I am tired . slowly falling into depression as I feel so unloved.Sorry I am rambling just that I am so tired everybody saying don't push him into the hands of another woman. What about me.Who looks for my attention. Of course outside there is always someone looking at my face.but I swore never to do that.Right now I feel so unloved that I might start looking for it in the wrong places, be it someone or by drinking...Children make some decisions very difficult.He is waiting again.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I won't blame you if you sought solace somewhere else, some men actually deserve it, just be sure that if u eventually decide to go down that road, use protection so u don't get life threatening disease in ur search for happiness
DeletePersonally, I won't blame you if you sought solace somewhere else, some men actually deserve it, just be sure that if u eventually decide to go down that road, use protection so u don't get life threatening disease in ur search for happiness
DeleteMy dear I think you should slow down with the too much attention. Stop begging him whenever he offend you. Ignore him. Don't deny him food or sex. Greet him in the morning and then focus your attention on the kids. Play, ,laugh with your kids. If your hubby is in the lounge go to the bedroom or kitchen. Don't start any conversation with him. Except its about your kids.
DeleteMy hubby was like him the first two years of our marriage. He could keep malice for Africa .I begged and begged but he didn't want to listen. One day i decided, enough is enough. I started ignoring his childish act, and he stopped. Now he's the one looking for my attention. To the extent that if I don't kiss him good bye when going out he will be moaning like a baby. I still love and respect him as the head of the family. I have peaceful home now.
I feel bad for you.
DeleteI can only advice dat
1. You find a distraction, get smthg doing if u aren't working, something to occupy u, so u don't av to sit and stat disecting ur hubby's attitude.
2. Takia of ursef, tk ursef on a treat, value ursef, get ursef a gift of gold earrings, buy ursef smthg expensive, feel ur own worth.
3. Takia of ur kids, watch cartoons, laff, eat popcorn. Etc.
4. Play d part of a good wife, prepare him good meal, and warm his bed(make sure u are nt found wanting). And yes smile for no reason.
The secret is, if a man sees u r not moved, e panicks, n tinks, oh smthg is mking her happy(na dis move I dey use for my bobo, e keeps wondering if I av his replacement in sch as I don't react to his attitude). And don't forget d power of prayer.plz don't allow ur hubby's attitude dictate ur mood. #Cheers!
Madam,pls don't look outside, but stop looking @ ur hubby's face, try for one month,no give am attention,do ur nomal duty! But anything else ignore him,if he wants to strt a fight just walk away, men hate it wen u ignore dem, it works!...if he is still a single married man, he will adjust,but if he is not....erm dat 1 na gbege o
DeleteEyaaa...
DeleteGet a shuga boy nau..
I feel bad for you.
DeleteI can only advice dat
1. You find a distraction, get smthg doing if u aren't working, something to occupy u, so u don't av to sit and stat disecting ur hubby's attitude.
2. Takia of ursef, tk ursef on a treat, value ursef, get ursef a gift of gold earrings, buy ursef smthg expensive, feel ur own worth.
3. Takia of ur kids, watch cartoons, laff, eat popcorn. Etc.
4. Play d part of a good wife, prepare him good meal, and warm his bed(make sure u are nt found wanting). And yes smile for no reason.
The secret is, if a man sees u r not moved, e panicks, n tinks, oh smthg is mking her happy(na dis move I dey use for my bobo, e keeps wondering if I av his replacement in sch as I don't react to his attitude). And don't forget d power of prayer.plz don't allow ur hubby's attitude dictate ur mood. #Cheers!
Awwww anon1:30
DeleteSo sorry dear, you sound so unhappy. I can feel your pain from here.
Have you tried having a heart to heart talk with him? I so much believe in communication. Have you involved someone he respects like your priest/pastor, an unbiased family member or even a marriage counsellor?
If you have tried all these and he is still not making efforts to change, then I'm afraid I have to suggest you separate for a while. Maybe that will make him know you are serious.
No one deserves to live in misery in the name of marriage. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured.
If you don't like the separation idea, then I also suggest you try not to allow him determine your happiness. I don't mean you should go and cheat, no. Try as much as possible to ignore him. Keep out of his way and don't ever try to show him how unhappy you are. I think he derives pleasure in seeing you sad. Don't give him that satisfaction anymore. Do the right things you are meant to do as a wife but don't go any extra mile trying to please him.
Find other things that will make you happy and keep you very occupied. Concentrate on your kids. Try to look good for yourself and always look cheerful. Hang out with friends at a reasonable time. Make calls to your good friends or relatives and chat away happily. Get a good hobby. I believe that by the time you channel your energy into other things rather thank always looking at his face, he will be forced to want to get your attention again.
Hope you are close to God, he alone can turn your situation around.
Warm hugs from me to you.
Go and watch Mr $ Mrs.
Delete!!omu Iya dun!!
Thank you all.I really feel i am with family here.There are things you cant tell real family to avoid conflict,So thank you all,This blog had been my escape.
Delete@ Eka Joy or Hatred, pls get off this blog. You think people sharing their thoughts here are joking.One understands the Queen of this Blog-joking. A man can forgive anything but adultery. Anybody advising you to get a sugar son wants to takevyour home. Take the advice of PINK SHELL.
DeleteAm a man.We do pass through different phases. Until you can grow to replace our Mum, we can rarely confide and trust in you.Too many chew gum wives on this blog.SDK pls put an alert that beware of chewgum advise here.
This is my story, bin dating this guy for over a year now buh won't let mi meet any of his families, I don't even knw where he stays since he relocated to another state cos of change of job, I aff to beg him to call mi, to text mi even to share his day with me. Aff tried to leave the relationship buh he always says he loves me and everything will fall in place @ d right time. Am just so confuse right now cos I truly love this guy and all my family members love him as well
ReplyDeleteSeriously,when I see some comments,I begin to wonder. You ware waiting for everything to fall in place? Then you do not know what you want for yourself. Chances are,if your heart/mind tells you something is wrong,then something is wrong. Over a year and you do not know his family? Girl,wise up,take time out and think. Truly think of what you want. Be selfish while thinking. I advise you to walk away now before you commit. I think the problem with most ladies is that you fe if you walk from this one,you won't find someone else=Low self esteem. Fall in love with you first and watch every other thing fall into place.
DeleteAs for me,I don't have time for a loveless relationship. Heck,I have never been in love before. i haven't reached the peak of loving myself yet,I am too busy loving myself and advancing my degree to crave for a mans attention. Tueh!!!
Xoxo
The guy nah spirit. Na inside water he dey live.he get wife 4 inside dat water nd twins.his name is not his real name.na chochaku dem dey call am 4 der.
DeleteWill it be so hard to look in d mirror and tell yourself...'I am beautiful,i deserve to sleep and wake up smiling'...u love him and your family members love him but do they know that you are not a part of his life?if after a month,u have not met d members of a man's family and you have been together for a year,well u are not in a relationship. ..love won't give u pain darling...free yourself my dear...Love and marriage are two different tins.
Delete@anon 1:10 is this what love means 2 u? if it is, then I'm sorry to break it 2 u dt u are on a long thang. Hear me whn I say dt U R DATING URSELF! He doesn't wanna meet ur family, he lives in another state and u hv 2 beg him 2 call U?
DeletePlz dz is not what love is and u definitely kno that he doesn't love u, so it's hi time u told urself d friggin truth!!
*lips sealed and watching*
Two words dearie "yahoo boy"
DeleteVery typical of a married man.
DeleteWhat are u waiting for? Holyspirit ministeration?
Are you still a learner??..don't tell me you are putting all your egg in one basket...
Deletewhat are you still doing with him? Girl you deserve better.
DeleteMy dear its well. Was almost in d same situation..three months into d r\ship I was always doing most of d calling n texting n even arranging f us t c cos he is d very busy type then one certain day I told mysef "babe u need t apply brake." I asked d Lord t take charge of my r\ship dt I was tired of trying t make it work all alone afteral na d guy toast me not d oda way round. I also told d Lord t teach d guy how t luv me n teach me also. It worked f me n its almost 7months now. @ times wen I dnt check on him all thru d day; he feels empty. Just b ursef dear, if he"s too busy t check on u then he isn't worth d stress. Pray, giv him som timE. If he doesn't com arnd, delete him frm ur life.
DeleteMy dear, u are learning, wen I met my husband, he was in another country 12 hours away, he paid and took me to see his house and people sharply with his last money
DeleteTell yourself the truth. Does that sound normal to you? Stop wasting time in that situationship and move along..
DeleteI'm not in any situation rather i am the one putting my hubby in this situation, he keeps believing all will be perfect but i dont know what's wrong with me, i keep making him miserable, and i hate that i do that, i try very hard to change but its not working...am sure i love him kos i tend to talk about him at any given opportunity... but not the way he loves me and deserves to be loved...God help me...
ReplyDeleteHehehehe. No go Instagram begin yab girl wey go snatch am begin love am ooo.
DeleteA wise is enof for the word*burbbbbb*
Then get out of dt marriage and set him free! Set him free so that he can find someone that deserves him and would give him the kind of love he craves...not all witches fly and u are one!!!
Delete@Renne Bern- Words right out my mouth oh! That's how they will now start abusing single girls who see a Lonely man. Woe betide 'x' if he now has cash to spend...:
Delete9
***HEALING-RAIN***
ReplyDeleteIn a situation
Am walking awaaaaay from the troubles in my life.am working awaaaay..........(craig davis)
Back when I was younger, I knew someone like this, the only time he seemed to like to call me was either when he needed money from me or sex and after he gets it, he goes back to his non caring mode, but bcos I thot I was in love, I personally made excuses for him not till I met someone that was the exact opposite, and for years he's been d one doing all d chasing, thank God I don't forgive easily. Abeg if someone isn't giving u some degree of attention, take it from me, he's not that into you
ReplyDeleteOne thing I really don't like about Nigerian women and relationships is the fact that they try too hard to practice what they read online and see on TV. Those in the University will tell you 'hhmm... Me I can't date a guy in my class o' just because someone said it. The working class girls want a man who will make their relationship look that of Beyonce and her husband or what P-square sings in their love songs.... Promising to take a girl round the world. Some will tell you they can't be in a long distance relationship, just because someone somewhere said it.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, why do people give themselves such rules. In as much as you have to be certain about what you want, then you shouldn't put your love life into such limitations just because someone said so. It would come a time when you will need to be together, a time will also come when you need to be alone.
I have always told married women that they don't need marriage counseling. Only you knows exactly what is wrong with your marriage and only knows how best to fix and not marriage counselor who is not there with you in the marriage. Infact sometimes they make matters worse trying to figure out who should or shouldn't be doing what? Do not take your family problems out side!!!!!
GOD BLESS NIGERIA
Thank you God for my marriage.
ReplyDeleteI am such a happy single girl, that sometimes I don't believe it. U can't even neglect me, cos I won't give u a pinch of attention until I know I have your FULL attention. Who has time? Mschheew! If husband no come, I go buy better sperm for sperm bank, become single mother. I work hard and I will cater for my kids, with peace of mind. Who has time to be making men feel on top of d moon? Is that the way to heaven? shiioor!
ReplyDeleteIf your bf is feeling like a superstar, better move on and find someone who treats you like a queen. If its your husband, well I pray God gives you the grace, as I am not married and can't give marriage advice.
Awwwwwww...
DeleteMy kinda girl...
You just spoke my mind.
U sound so much like me....Relationship can b a total waste of time if u ain't with d right person. I have made up my mind to shower myself with love from moi(me,myself nd I) and my family members. Ds are pple I know Will always b dere for me
DeleteEnd d relationship! He doesn't love u...pls mooove on! Pray God gives u ur own man!
ReplyDeleteMama sudiq
Wow!!! This is so me... Dating this guy was in Nigeria but travelled sometime in July last year, heaven knows I was so faithful to him, he never returned back the love, imagine when I say I love u to someone and he just murmurs something really funny but I let it slide, happened for 6 months but I never complained and kind of got used to it, he's still away did everything to forget him but I've not been able to, reduced d times I call him... and only recently he came outof nowhere, I thot he had changed but he's still same... I've done everything to get him out of my thot, to be honest, it's been so hard. I can't even say yes to the so many asking me out, becos I bliv they all just want to sleep with me...
ReplyDeleteU can't say yes cos u believe they just want to sleep with you??? Will they force u to sleep with them??? Forget the idiot and try another guy and tell them u are not eager for sex. See how it goes first before making conclusions. That's how we end up with stupid people because we think there is no better one out there. Stay there and be doing your self.
DeleteMtcheeeew!
I may be harsh but I actually believe in divorce. Its not as if you jump and leave your home when there's a slight problem. But it amazes me when some women stay with a man that beats them, brings other women home, doesn't give them money and doesn't even sleep with them. Abeg I can't stay with such a man. Is being a single mother a sin? Why do some people kill themselves just to remain MRS?
ReplyDeleteI believe that most times, relationships aren't always black and white.
ReplyDeleteSome men aren't expressive verbally but their actions are deeper than their words.
Some men aren't charming, are not romantic but they are better men. They always have your back.
Some men are so charming, runs to open car door for you, gives you this and that, is already in love with you within two month, calls you every fucking time. ..Scary
They love the idea of love
They are always in love with a new person every two years, does same shit for that person.
Dopamine at work.
Eventually they marry you...you see the wickedness behind that charming smile.
Stella forget that.
A man can call you 24/7 and still be the worst person on earth.
He can be ontop of a woman and be calling you.
He can introduce you to his whole family and still dump you.
He can give you all the attention and still marries another.
XOXO MYSTERY
You are soooo right. My bf belongs to the 1st group you mentioned above. He isn't expressive verbally but with his actions my oh my!. I love attention, but I am learning to adjust since I know his kind of person now. Honestly, it can't get better than this. #Daydreaming#
DeleteAeegurl...
Xoxo my blog paddy,u are cray!lol@dey love d idea of being in love....dopamine at work'.funny but true!pple dat are a quick to fall in love,fall out d same way!dats why I don't trust pple dat meet u suddenly suddenly and tell u dey love u,how na?when dey don't even know u?...has to be dopamine at work for real!used to date a guy like dat when I was single:d relationship and his love declarations skyrocketed at d speed of light within a month of dating,always calling,wanting to be with me every hour,all up in my face and space,hmmm ok!infact if I dare say or act like am not interested,he starts to cry like a baby begging me even in public!ha!i sha knew dis can't be love,but something stronger dan love#rme#i just dey look am,i indulged him cos I was also enjoying his company nyway I wasn't in love with him(which was my saving grace),d nigga woke up one sweet morning' and told me he doesn't feel anything for me anymore!i asked him are u for real?he said dats how it happens to him and dat he's so sorry,i just laffed out loud!I didn't even bother cos I knew his kind of love will have to be like dat!now imagine being married to such a man,when he falls out of love with u,knowing dats a marriage and not what he can walk away from,he just stops giving u d attention,dats where d attention problem thing starts actually....well for me the solution to the attention ish' is to totally ignore d man when he starts,he will think u are getting ur groove somewhere too,then he will chill!#two can play d game.mtceew
DeleteHummmmmm
ReplyDeleteI understand this situation perfectly . I'm in it at the moment.I don't look for any extra attention, but i know i could do better.
ReplyDeletei looooooooooooove attention, i have been in a relationship where the guy was attentive and the one the guy wasnt and so i know. when the guy who wasnt attentive was misbehaving, i was trying so had to make things work. this was bcos i just ended a 2yr relationship and i didnt want people to think i was the one with the problem. i did it for like one month, told him to up his game and he refused.some days to christmas, i sent him a msg saying he has to change cos we were gonna be long distance soon and if he's unattentive ow we are together, i dont know wat wld happen when we are apart, brs refused. i exed him, couldnt carry such baggage into the new year. fast foward 4months later, i got back together with my ex and life has been beautiful, just the way it was before. always talking, even though we are thousands of miles apart, we are best friends. life is too short to stay in an unhappy relatonship
ReplyDeleteStella am an addict reader on ur blog! I love u so much for this, u should do more.anytime I ping my bf, he takes time to reply, whenever I cal him to find out what's up! To my surprise he wil say he is surfing facebook, like who does that? Nd he claims to love me so much nd am only being paranoid, dunno what to believe anymore#confusedface
ReplyDeleteSurfing facebook?like facebook is a sea abi and he d fisherman abi?#issorite!u should know by now what he's catching' from his surfings'!
DeleteU need to watch urself dearie
@ queen bee, na small boys dey use dat kind language ( surfing) which matured man go say surfing. Abeg
DeleteThe common factor I see here is women who find it difficult or simply think its demeaning to express their feelings to the man in the relationship!
ReplyDeleteWhen u have said yes, you have said yes, STOP the unnecessary forming.
If he doesn't call you o girl call him naa, your phone will not explode.
If he does initiate the sex, you initiate it, it won't make u a hoe!
If he doesn't tell you about his day, tell him about yours for christ sake!
No one will know what's on your mind, una too like witch craft! Repent jare
Lmao
DeleteTell them.Many ladies are loosing their homes based on chew gum advice from 16year old girls on some blogs.How do you ecpect an unmarried girl to advice you who has been married for sometime.
DeleteHmmmm, no give me attention, I attend to myself. Shikena.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
ReplyDelete@ 3 14 i totally agreed wit u.
ReplyDelete@ 3 14 i totally agreed wit u.
ReplyDeleteOver-attention they worry me, can I give out some attention?
ReplyDelete***HEALING-RAIN***
ReplyDeleteIn a situation?
How can the situation be remedied?
Married and singles listen and hear me well
Know and accept the fact that in actuality,there are no two humans that are completely compatible,some are more suited to one another than others are.
Conflict is inevitable whenever two or more people live in close proximity to one another.
How this conflict is handled and the level of commitment to work through it will make all the difference in the world for any marriage.
Choose to accept and appreciate your differences,learn to love the way that God loved us.
His Holiness was and is totally incompatible with our sinful nature.
How did he handled the conflict?
He sacrificed his Begotten son on our behalf that we might be made compatible to him.
The only way two people will be compatible is through SACRIFICE! (Ask those who have been married for more than 7yrs)
It may be painful and will take great effort but it will be worth it at the end.
Marriage is a place where your christianity is tried the most because it's a school you don't apply head knowledge or logic but wisdom.
But then like Stella said,l might be wrong.
Very philosophical...
DeleteIt is not only women who beg for attention in a relation. I know of man who has been married for 14 years. Despite all the attention he gave to his wife, his wife does not give him her time. She is ever to busy looking for money, on her phone, going out even on Sunday when they should go to church together. She goes alone and leaves the man to take the children. For the man to be with his wife. He will need to book an appointment at least a week.
ReplyDeleteYou what that man after going thru a period depression for six years found a girl that had done for him what his wife of 14 years had not or refused to do. hold his hand, lean on his shoulder, send me text, cook and eat with him, allowed him to open his feelings up to her and appreciated his for his worth. The surprising this is that the relationship is not sexual but deep feelings for each other is there. The man confessed that for the first time he felt love and received love from a woman by the way she acts and talks with him. They both know they cannot marry but their friendship is great!
God I thank u for my marriage. God bless my hubby.
ReplyDeleteOh Stella, this is my story oooo. That's why i left my husband. I beg him to call me, i beg him to text me, i beg him to spend time with me, infact, my story should be a blog post. He will leave the house for work, sun-sat, 6am to 10/11pm. I never see. After a while of begging and crying, i carry my baggage and waka comot ooo. Life is too short to be miserable. Especially when its the person you are to spend the rest of your life with making you miserable.
ReplyDeleteDs post got me feeling guilty.
ReplyDeleteHe has all the time in the world for me, but me naaa...i no just understand...am on stella's blog when I am supposed to be lurloxing my boo.
chai! I have to change before they pack my load outside..where would I sleep then? stella's blog??? hian!
baby I will have your time plenty now.am sorryyyyyyyyyyyy
Bloglord, na thing same thing dey worry me now, since I put to bed, I don't have time for my man, he works in d bank, when he comes back from work, it is either I am reading blog or sleeping. D thing dey pepper my husband die, just don't know what to do, he loves me so much. Stella blog don carry me go. Lol. God help me
DeleteMine doesn't seem to care about having a close relationship with me and I'm meant to be his wife. I am learning to not care as well and I'm focusing on my kids. If things persist by the time they are old enough to leave him for uni, I'm leaving too. I have only one life to live and I intend to make it a good one.
ReplyDeleteHaha I had to do a double take cos I could have sworn I typed that. If we make it till when the kids are old enough then we leave together. Until then I am currently in the process of calcifying my heart. Make ee just turn to stone one time so all him idiocy no go de pain me. Hiss.
DeleteLove is overrated! Love urself den u wil bother less about some1else loving u.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.... I feel really bad reading this cos it seems to have brought memories, bad ones at that! I wouldn't say I'm in that category because for a while now, I've shut my heart and thrown the keys away loooooong ago.
ReplyDeleteI won't go anonymous on this for any reason whatsoever. The preacher is one person on the outside, another person in the house. I was imagining this afternoon, when people say a woman should 'fight' to keep her marriage, what if its a marriage that has kept her constantly sad all along? She should fight to sustain her sadness I guess? #phew! I don't even know where to start from. The preacher would sleep with all the choir girls in the church, any Woman who comes to him for counselling, he would find a way to woo her by being sooooo concerned and nice, which most times works for him.
He would go all out to solve marital problems while at home he would be keeping malice with me!
Girls call him 'midnight call', he can't put the phone on handsfree, and when I talk to him about these things he would say he is a pastor, anybody is free to call him at anytime.
A lot has happened, to the point where I felt he married me to fulfill the desires of the church. and cos of that, I decided to stop taking communion for about three months! Till some elders in the church came to ask me what was wrong(when he travelled) I didn't disclose anything to them cos I knew they just needed some info to pass around.
Fast forward, I gave birth to my first girl, instead of him to be all 'anxious' like most first time fathers, he went to retrieve his 'sim'.... Hmmm
Second delivery, he didn't even ask how the caesarian section went and up till now, he never saw what the cite was like after each delivery! On the second week of my delivery, he told me he wanted to visit a friend at Lagos, he went a d didn't call all along, I called so.e hours later and he said he was at berger, since that time, he didn't pick my calls again. At a point, gia number was busy, I was glad he would pick, as soon as he ended that call, he didn't pick my calls. When he returned at night, he said his phone was in his pocket! Hmmmm.
I've been away from him since January though... And funny enough, I don't have feelings for any of these .men hanging around. All I do is take care of my kids from the little I have.. They are my treasures! As for the preacher? Attention is no longer available! I remember when I was nursing my baby and we had a quarel, he picked a cutlass and wanted to use it on me! I had to run into the room and lock the door. I haven't walked away yet, cos we visit when necessary, but that one is so sure! I detest this man with a passion!
I was really touched by this your narration when i read it. And the fact you didn't go under anonymous just made me respect you. i think you are very brave for speaking up. I was just wondering if your husband's ministry is a one man church or something like em Redeemed and co where they are accountable to their pastors and co. With his attitude, i am almost tempted think he may be helped if those he spiritually looks up to have a word with him. Uhmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Even if he is a boss of his own church, surely there is someone he looks up to that may help intervene if his behaviour has gone on for so long.
DeleteIn all i wish you the best in your home. Make yourself happy and continue to develop your skills and invest in ventures that gives you joy and peace.
Unreciprocated Love could hurt so badly.
ReplyDeleteI dated a guy for 2years and I did most of the begging. I was always the first to apologize and he was always right. My family and friends saw wot my blinded love eyes couldnt see. Till I attended a wedding with him and I realised I was the Assistant Girlfriend when the elder brother asked about the oda Girlfriend he had previously introduced to them. I walked away without saying Goodbye. It hurt so bad till I discovered the principle of Self Love; I fell in Love with myself and got my groove back.
I am still single not because I dont meet men but bcos I hv made up my mind not to settle for situationships.
My dear Ladies, when a man repeatedly makes excuses for not returning ur calls/msgs or acts like he owes u no explanation for his actions, then he is not that into u. DONT FORCE IT.
Anita O.
To all these women claiming they are staying in unhappy marriages because of the kids, don't you know kids thrive in a healthy and happy environment? They can sense when their parents are miserable and it can affect them physiologically. Don't stay in bad marriages because of the kids. If you have tried all you can and it still isn't working then leave. Please. You and the kids will be happier for it.
ReplyDelete@preachers wife,mine is a similar case bt even worse.
ReplyDeleteI had my ist baby thru cesarean,i saw God almighty and passed out bt God saved me,it did nt go down well wit my inlaws,my hubby did nt even know were d scar was,How re u feelin did nt even cum out of his mouth,I let it go trying to save my home.he was jobless,everytin was on me,my head said it would b Gud Oneday dnt worry.i took in again and dis time it was a boy,bt I lost him thru anoda operation,he died 3days afta delivery,i started walking d nxt day wen I knew he was intensive care,i prayed and called Al d pastors I knew.When I hold my son's hand d machine fixed on him reads high bt wen I Liv his hands,it reads low.i stood for hours wit pains and fought wit d nurses and doctors cos I didn't want to liv his hands,bt I needed rest.Bt I still lost my boy.rite on d hospital bed my hubby started trouble,i begged God to take d pain away.My hubby said his children wld b limited cos I ve had two cesarean operations and told me point blank dat he hated me.he has practically abandoned me and our daughter cos I liv wit my parents nw,he has gotten a Gud job.As I write dis story I m in tears,i wldnt want dis to happen to my enemy.I m a graduate frm a Gud university and I know Oneday God wld answer my call.To all dose women goin thru pains may God almighty giv u d strength to pull through jst as he is doing in my case.Amen
P
The Lord is your strength dear. It is well
DeleteEvery girl has a story. A guy I ve loved all my life and vice versa suddenly became free and for the first time I felt I found him but just a week together proved me wrong. It was the most miserable moment of my life. Nagging, Petty. And to think I was going to leave something better for him. I cried and cried but he is who he is. I almost turn to slave o and guess what? Love making was horrible. Anyway I still cry for him but gotta move on. Hard but will get there though I still love him silly. Matters of the heart. No one can advise u to leave until ur head/heart says so. Advisers...great job U all are doing but do we listen? No! Heart decides. Thx Stella
ReplyDeleteFor all the posters, please try to watch the movie "Mr. & Mrs". Its a Nigerian movie. You never can tell what you might learn from watching. The storyline is similar to the pist.
ReplyDeleteIf your relationship isn't going the way it should, my dear walk away. You are created to be happy with yourself and thank God, even God wants the best for us, and why can't we do same to ourselves? Stop pleasing boys.I was once in a relationshp thinking that both of us will settle down after d guy had dropped drink on my head, but when I went back to sch tho from house, d chances of 'we' seeing everyday became minimal, so I made a comment one day that 'any man that doesn't contribute to my academic pursuit can't talk shit to me so far he is not my husband'. Along the line he started behaving somhow, so I concentrated, he stopped me frm coming to his plaz wit stupid reasons not knowing that he was dating nurse in dia company leaving in d same qtrs, when I wrote my final paper early 2009, FEW DAYS AFTER I took my time to investigate him properly, and I got d actual info, summarised it n came up with 3 gud questions, meanwhile he wasn't a graduate n d nurse had been helping him financially n me no dey give'am money as I neva get beta job then,called him, he came down to our house cos I was staying with my sister then, I asked d questions, no reasonable answer, na dia e end o. Went for my service, d guy will call n call, I told him off, one day he came begging that I shldn't forget him in my success, today I'm married n I believed he is.
ReplyDeleteMy #2cents - IF YOU ARE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH, RUN AWAY, THOUGH IT WILL HURT BUT JUST AWHILE
Jenny we need to change o! all these small small hoes are not smiling. before our hubbies begin to get fed up of our nonchalant attitude towards their needs.
ReplyDeleteu get?
av bn following diz blog 4 almost 2 years now, n diz will be my 1st time commenting on here. Gosh" 9ja girls can complain abt everythin,they always find a way to pen point everythin wrong abt men. men re diz men re dat. but wen come to bn real abt themselves d pen dnt work..fake ppl..hain
ReplyDeleteBeing unhappy and unsatisfied is the worst feeling. It's so easy to telling people to walk away from someone that they love.it takes time. We stay in relationships sometimes hoping that that husband we once knew will emerge again. Sometimes he does. Both most times he doesn't and it's hell. If you are in a bad relationship, open your eyes and recognize. Find yourself and when you do; your decision will be easy to make.
ReplyDelete