Domestic Violence - Blog Visitor Almost Strangled To Death By Hubby.

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This is a domestic violence related mail but please before you advise on what to do,read this mail over and over again because interestingly this is the first domestic violence mail i will be reading that confuses me..

''Good day Stella,

Its with a heavy heart that I write this. I am 31 years old. I live in PH and have been married for 5 years now. I have two beautiful kids. A boy and a girl. I am married to a man I dated for 8 years so you could say I’ve known him for 13 years. We’ve had our ups and downs in our marriage but then again what marriage hasn’t.

 In the last two years violence started creeping into our marriage. At first it came with slaps and most times, honestly, I had it coming. I am a lawyer and any honest female lawyer will tell you (especially the newly inducted ones) we dey run our mouth like shege Quoting all the 'quotables'. That was me.

 So I wasn’t so surprised when I started getting slaps. This was a man that never hit me when we dated. 8 years. Fast forward to present day, precisely the 6th of September. By the way my husband drinks. He drinks like a fish. Vodka is like water to him. I didn’t see all this when we dated. And No, it wasn’t long distance. I know he drank Heineken but never spirits. Well that’s the order of the day now.

He came home on the 6th by 12:30am, he woke me up to bring my daughter that he wanted to play with her. I said “What!!! At what time? He insisted. I obliged, I don’t like arguing with him when he’s drunk. I brought her. He told her to stand, she started crying that she wanted to sleep, I begged him to let her sleep but he refused. That’s when her screams became louder “Daddy I want to sleep, Daddy leave my hand I want to sleep” The screams broke my heart and I finally broke her free and she ran to the room to sleep. 

I followed suit. By 3 am he woke me up. I had my baby boy cuddled in my arms, he told me to get up and follow him outside the room that he wanted to talk to me. I did, He said I disrespected him and that I would regret it. That I should never question his actions that he knew what he was doing and wasn’t drunk, he wanted to teach her a lesson. I said ok that can I go and sleep now? He dismissed me. I climbed the bed to sleep. He woke me up yet again and told me to sit up. He asked me the following questions. ‘what is my name’? ‘who am I to you” whose house are you living in”? I answered all and Stella the next thing that happened was a shock to me. 

He punched me in the face. I saw stars but I’d resolved in my mind that I’d react if any form of violence occurred. I switched on the light and lunged at him. I scratched and kicked and pulled at anything I could lay my hands on. He hit me so hard, I kept hitting with all the strength I could muster. To subdue me, he put me in a headlock. Stella, I have never had a near-death experience, I haven’t even been in an accident before but I can say that I saw all I’d miss if I died. 

I screamed and screamed and screamed till I started losing consciousness. My sister in the next room had to run in that’s when he took his hands off my throat. Stella I saw myself dying, I saw myself missing my daughters wedding, my sons’ first steps. I cried. As I type this the tears have not stopped rolling.

 I went to the police station the following morning to make a complaint and write a statement. The police officers stated that in domestic issues they don’t involve themselves. All they can do is counsel both parties and that I should bring my husband. I called him over , after much talking and counselling, he became friends with them. They advised me to be respectful to my husband.

So it is now my fault? I know some may feel I shouldn’t raise my hand to my husband but I had to defend myself. I didn’t want to be his punching bag. He says the reason all that happened is that I was rude to him… I need your help Stella. Its been three days and I’m still bitter and angry. He has apologized but I cant get over all that happened. 

How do I heal? Some will say leave him, but leave him to where? I don’t have a job…So I cant even sustain myself or my kids. I have tried and applied to several places to get a job for the past 2 years (since the violence started) but it has yielded nothing. 

I am a graduate, 2 first degrees and a Masters. And nothing. I told my mum and family about it and her words were “you are married, so stick this one out. We gave you out, you cant come back here” Where do I go to? Who do I turn to? Ive prayed and cried to God for change but it seems God is doing selective answering. 

Please I’m reaching out on a limb here. You can insult me if it makes you feel better but it is he who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches.  

What would you advice I do?''

*You said you were not surprised when the slaps started coming in?.Hmmmmmmm.....