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NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE

DEATH THREATS FROM PHYSICALLY VIOLENT HUSBAND.

Good morning

I have been keeping this mail for too long not knowing whether sending it is a good idea or not. By I am sick and tired of not speaking out.. All the time,I see domestic violence story and people ask what the are still doing with the supposed partner,I just say to myself this people don't get it and that's cause I am in the same situation.. I have a husband who rather he's the boss and you there slave.. Everything has to to hi sway.. He beats me up at any given opportunity.. Made it impossible for me to have a life.

Since I got married,I don't think I have been happy. Yeah,I same the signs by I was a naive young girl thinking things wouldn't be that way after marriage because that's what I was meant to believe by him. Every time he hit me during courtship was always a mistake and we had a long distance relationship where I saw him once in 3months..

Even when I was pregnant,the beating didn't stop,at some point I became scared I was going to loose the baby because of how he kicks me and hit me all around the house. 

I decided to stop answering him when his talking or angry but that didn't change him as it even infuriated him the more. I still got beatings even when I don't respond to his argument for keeping silent because he thought that was me snubbing him,when I talk,it is that I don't have respect..The whole beating caused my baby to be delivered prematurely...

I don't do anything or have friends because I am not supposed to to out or hang out with anyone. Since I wasn't born here,I don't know anyone.My life is just a lonely and a depressing one. I want to do something for myself but I can't do anything because I am caged here. 

He makes sure money doesn't get to my hands so that I don't have enough of anything to do something of my own. He makes sure he buys everything in the house leaving me with nothing

I have ran back to my parents place times without number but they keep sending me back. My dad has warned I never come back again to his house. He doesn't see anything wrong with what my husband is doing because he did same to my mum. All thru my growing up,my dad was always beating up my mom and she stayed. 

Now he wants me to do same and I don't want to. Looking at my mom,I know she's not happy at all. She was confided in me and  told me she wished she leaved to find happiness and to know what it is.

Stella,I am ready to leave even this minute but where do I go to? Most times I wish I had anyone I could stay with them for sometime so I can get myself together and get something doing. 

I fear for my life.. All he does now is issue death threats so which he tried to carry out but failed. I am just so confused,depressed and tired.. I don't even have anyone to talk to. I am just so tired.

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NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO

LONELY IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

Dear Stella

I really do need your advice and will like you to post this on your blog for comment. I find myself in a situation beyond me and need advice.

My life these past few years has been one roller coaster after the other. My Finance passed away early last year and it was the worst pain I have ever experience in my short life. I am 31 years old, a hardworking female and I consider myself to be really attractive. I have a well-paid job and currently doing an MBA 10years from my post-quadrate degree so money has never really being a problem to me.

Following the death of my late husband to be two months before our proposed wedding, I drifted into depression and could not come to terms with reality. I spent a lot of time going from church to church, reading books, reading the bible and in clubs looking for comfort and unfortunately no one could help taken away the pain, it was just something I had to deal with and it was a really hard journey.

Early this year, an ex-boyfriend contacted me and wanted us to rekindle our previous relationship. We have dated a few years ago before I met my late partner and I recall we had major communication issues.  Apart from the communication issue, he is a good man. He is not rich but has a bright future. He is God fearing and loves people – both qualities that initially attracted me to him.

I thought well about it and decided to rekindle the relationship as we never had any serious reason for a break-up.  He is based in Nigeria and me in the US so we visit each other frequently.

But Stella the problem here is this…..this man can happily go for a week without picking up his stupid phone to make a 5 minutes telephone call to check up on me. I have discussed this with him and he says he will change but he doesn’t understand the meaning of the word change. To be honest, I assumed he will make more of an effort but as times goes on I realize I put more into the relationship than he does.

I asked him why he has this problem with communication and he says it just in his nature and does not know how to communicate or spend long period on the phone. Stella this is correct because he is a very quiet man but I just don’t understand how a relationship can flourish with very little communication. We do not Skype, neither do we face time, sometimes it takes him days to reply my messages but when we are together he really is attentive and does a lot to please me.

I am very tempted to two –time him and just date someone else but then I also wonder if am asking too much from him. Stella please help me ask you blog visitors …… I am lonely in this thing we are calling a relationship and need to hear other’s opinion before I date another without dumping my laid-back boyfriend.

*you already know how he is and you cant change him.you sound very passionate and a die hard lover.you know what you want,if he isnt filling up the space then quietly let him go.Communication is the key to a healthy relationship