Is it okay to marry the friend of an ex?.....very close friend?
She says.....
'' Last year I met one of my now ex boyfriend's friend through him befor though I had never heard of or seen him b4. As we talked he became more interested in me and wanted us to arrange a meeting since we lived in different states in America. e
So i quickly told him i couldn't cos i was dating his friend and i didn't want him to get everything mixed up cos i was just trying to be friends and nothing more. He told me he was surprised that I was dating his friend because I wasn't the one he knew, he went on to tell me some things I didn't really want to find out but I listened. He still insisted he wanted us to date but I was too heart broken to even think straight, I confronted my boyfriend and told him all his friend said and we broke up.
Fast forward months later and I had cut communications with both of them but some how my ex boyfriend and I started talking again but strictly as friends cus he got married and is expecting. One bright and sunny day my ex's friend just called me up after about 8 months of no communication saying he just wanted to check up on me, from then on we started talking again and he got more serious this time and actually wants marriage. I talked to my ex about it considering all the drama and he said he was fine with it as long as I am happy.
Thing now is I don't love this friend but life with him is very promising, he is very financially stable and knows how to spoil a woman (we met for the first time in my city when he came to visit and he spoilt me silly)he is respectful and accepted my no sex rule without any objection, he has all the qualities of a caring husband but there's really no affection. Another thing is if we end up together, he knows my ex and our meetings will always be awkward cus he knows how much I loved my ex and also that he was my first. Please I need advice whether to consider this guy after all the episodes (cus as long as this might seem it is a really brief summary of everything) or should I just cut off completely and totally this time around.?
Thanks in advance, I appreciate every one's time for reading my very long epistle''.
*What do women really want?Release yourself and get to know him better abeg...if he
agrees to your 'no sex' dating,then you got a good man..the ex you loved a lot deflowered you and married someone else.....go figure.
Love is very important just follow ur heart cos no 1 can decide for u
ReplyDeleteMy dear you are talking about money! Echt! What if the money is not there tomorrow? Then what? This is partly why the rate of divorce is increasing day by day! If there is no love, there will be no peace, think twice before you leap!
DeletePepper ose oku!
Looks like you're somehow still stuck on ur ex, dunno if I'm wrong but if u don't love this guy do not marry/date him. Before u end up fuckin ur ex on the side. Look for someone else
DeleteYou only love your x because he was your first, that is how it is in life we tend to love our first a lot because we don't know better. Anyway take your time to know his friend & be careful this could be a set up o
DeleteLove is paramount in a relationship/marriage dear,without love,it will only b Hell on earth,u can neva b happy,reason y som women sleep wit deir gatemen!if u love a man,u can endure d usual simple fights nd misunderstandings in marriage,but if not..hmmm!u will jst see ur self over reacting ova every Lil thing,b wise dear,much as finance is ok,but u can rule out LOVE in marriage!!!
DeleteFollow you hrt dear
DeleteAlso Check this post..
PHOTOS; Checkout The Dangerous Backside Of This Kanye Booti Queen Judy Bigbu ... ..Click to View
Open urself and see if u can fall in love wit him. But dnt marry him if u eventually don't fall in luv. Love is very paramount in marriage cos wen d money goes, u hold on to luv and smile.
DeletePls try and learn 2 luv dis guy if he is really a gud guy as u said.in few weeks time I will b gettin married 2 d most wonderful man on earth.i never liked him. Had no affections 2wards him and there was certainly no chemistry. But he has been good 2 me for 9 whole years without giving him a chance. Hhe got serious about getting married and I talked 2 my mom and pastor about him. After meeting him I was advised give him a chance. I did and I learned to love him. I got 2 knw parts of him that I never knw and right now I can't do without him. We kissed for the first time 2weeks ago and it was sooo magical.well we decided 2 save ourselves untill our wedding 9t (hehhehhehe). He's a wonderful man. So my dear poster if u think d guy is ok (as he is good) Abeg agree 4 him o. I tell u the truth d love will surely come but pls be sure u are right about him
DeleteMy dear follow ur heart. Although I love comfort, I will also tell u to try and open ur heart for this new guy cos u never can tell what the future holds. Good luck.
DeleteInteresting story. There is nothing wrong with you, being with your ex's friend. The problem is that you don't love him. You will end up using him, hurting him and yourself. You need to completely get your ex out of your system, get your bearing. Then u can resume dating. All the best.
ReplyDeleteBabes...open up...date him...get close. ..if things go on fine...marry him. U cannot always love someone you are nt close to...
DeletePls forget abt d money...it shldnt b part of ur decision making process...money is nt d ingredient for d cake.. its d icing. ..if thats all uv got den u av nt cake...
U also cannt live the future by remaining in the past...so dear brace up bt rmbr to b sincere to urself at every point in time. ..
If after giving him a chance u stl dnt love him...pls run along and carry ur dignity with you...no sex before marriage. .. (even if u r no longer a virgin)...all d best!
a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Dont marry him....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Poster,you better grab this dude...
ReplyDeleteGood men like him are scarce...you will fall in love with him when you guys settle as husband and wife...
Opportunity comes but once..don't miss...
Lol, you are so predictable.
DeleteHappy birthday to your son, a bigger and better him we pray
Linda you're so predictable, I didnt see your comment but I had already commented that she shouldn't be like you. You no fall my hand, thank you.
DeletePoster your bf dumped you and got married a while later, can't you use your brain that himself and his friend planned the snitching? And its still the same friend you're thinking of dating? Give yourself brain
NKOTB
Don't go there! 4 so many reasons pls b stay off. Do u want 2 b with a man who will constantly remind of ur ex? Do u want 2 b wit a man who knows ur past too much? Do u knw how much he knws abt u (men dey gist a lot o), did i jst read a line which say he told u he was surprised u dated ur ex n told u tins abt him u didn't want 2 hear? Mean tins I suppose, what kind of a man is he? Ain't dey friends? Spoilt u silly n u tink he's gonna b dat sweet 4 ever? Plus don't 4get U DONT LUV HIM! Pls kp u search on
DeleteFinally!!! I was wondering if no one would highlight the fact that this guy ratted out his friend! Clearly loyalty means nothing to him. How can a guy who's just meeting his buddy's girl run his mouth like that without considering your feelings? Who does that? If this whole ish isn't a set up then this new guy is not deserving of you. Guys are loyal to one another and a snitch is a no nooo! Please put financial benefits aside and and look at this from a different angle. I don't know any man who knows his onion and how to dice it, settle for his friend's sloppy second (no insult intended please, am just analysing the facts). Guys can be mischievous, probably your ex disclosed some "tricks" about you and his ratty friend wants a taste of you as well. Surely you owe yourself a good man who will love you and protect you. Honey please don't sell yourself short by settling for immature dudes. Something isn't right with this setting, don't ignore your gut feeling which is already flying a red flag because that's why you are seeking advice here. You have doubts already.
Deleteif no sex is ok ,omo but this days you gat to test what u buying oh ,before e go be lil man down there ,i cant dat my ex friend ,just cant ,
ReplyDeleteWhat about after "testing", and he did not marry her? Have you had a second thought on that?
DeleteSo for how long will she go on testing?
That's the problem with we women, when we see someone that loves us we ignore him but prefer the trash. Sweetie its better u marry someone that loves you more than you do, love is just few a percentage of marriage, with the necessary things at the right places, the love u crave will definitely come. I feel you shd give this gentle man a chance and u will not regret it. Best of luck.
ReplyDeleteSorry Queen Amy but I beg to differ. One of the problems we women have is the speed with which we assume the most remote attention from a guy,is love! What makes you think he loves her? Because he agreed to her terms or because he "spoils" her with material things? You see why over 90% of the comments on that help vs love thread, believe love doesn't exist? Of course love still exist, just that it's so rare and most people confuse passion, attraction and desire with love. A guy who loves you wouldn't hurt your feelings by opening the can of worms, rather he would prevail on his friend to tell you the truth and not string you along. So are you saying once a relationship ends the next guy who comes along must love you? Men are hunters by nature, of course he would be all lovey dovey spendy spendy until he catches his prey( you). As for him being a "gentleman"...Queen Amy, you dress this guy with borrowed robes, in my opinion. he's more like a player. Give it time, in due course the true intentions of a person will always surface. These are still early days.
Deleteyou are still in love with your married ex!
ReplyDeleteits time you let him go, and remain in your past. Give this new guy a chance, although 'telling on' a friend is a huge turn off, he did you a whole lot of good
Just follow ur heart,never rusH into tinz concerniñg marriage...but I will say, marry sómeone who loves u and not someone u love.
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteMarry someone who loves you more than you love him.
Give him a chance, and the earlier you get rid of your ex from your heart, the better. cos it seems you still have some feelings for your ex.
Btw, you dnt need to consult your ex over any thing any more. Whatever you're doing should be between you and your God, you dnt need your ex approval whatsoever.
Above all, ask God for direction.
I dnt trust that guy he is a snitch.i cnt date my ex frnd.it is obvious you want the guy already so dear go ahead since thats what you want.all the best
ReplyDeleteLet everything abt ur ex go @poster. I dnt knw why he is into you bt for happiness sake let him go. He knws so much abt u if u dnt knw. Hw can u date a guy that knws u were once having sex with his ex. Hv u had a serious misunderstanding with him? So u will knw d trash he says when he is angry? U better calm down. I always follow my policy "let everything abt ur ex vanish with him" to avoid stories that touch.
DeleteJust shut up! I always find ur comment irritating. Always acting like u know it all
DeleteThank u anonymous tot I was the only one who found her comments irritating.... She doesn't think at all.... Pity the man who will marry you.... Olodo elenu boli boli
DeleteAnon 2:36 .it is your headache if you find my comment irritating also it isnt my fault you are a dullard
DeleteAnon 5:52 hahahaha you shld be bothered about the man beating u at home not who i am going to get married to,2ndly you dnt hv to like me comments cos im nt here for you to like me so save your 'like' for your generation.
DeleteHmmm.......
ReplyDeleteu and I both know ur ex can still ve u anytime,anywhere and anyhow.
U still ve feelings for ur ex and unfortunately for u he doesn't care.....brb,jose is serving his world famous breakfast. .....
Anwulika AKA Ezenwanyi
DeleteTobere AKA Okija wife
Jennifer AKA Caribean princess
Next pls!
Lmaoooooo
DeleteAnonymous AKA imbecile
DeleteYou know the answer within you!
ReplyDeleteWhy ask us for confirmation? We aint 'ifa'.
Please do that which will make you happy in the long run. Becos @ d end, it's ur hapiness dat matters.
My dear,dem don table ur matter 4 circle nd decide to 'Chop and Screw U'. A frnd snitched on his other frnd just bcuz of pussy nd u are feeling cool with d snitch,even ur ex didn't make his frnd pay 4 his act of betrayal. Seems u don't know d ways of men @ al. From ur post sef,u sound like an material girl(olosho),carry go,make d frnd sample u nd dump u. Renegade says so.
ReplyDeleteThis a tough one. The first paragraph is not very clear to me, i.e., how you got to know this new guy.
ReplyDeleteBased on the fact that he is your ex-bfs friend, I would have said he's a no-go area, but since your ex has moved and is already married (shocking considering the short space of time involved. Are you sure he wasn't two-timing you with his current wife? Anyway, that's a different matter entirely!), I don't think that should be a problem.
My issue is, according to you, there's no affection. I know some people are of the opinion that financial stability and comfort are the essential things in a marriage, but when there's not even affection, I didn't say love o, where do you even start.
This is a recipe for resentment, irritation and frustration.
My advice is, let this man go. It's not fair to marry him when you don't feel anything for him and he obviously does for you. Either that, or, slow down on the marriage talk for now and just be friends for a bit longer and see if some emotion develops, then take it from there.
I was waiting for dat part where u wld say 'I love my ex' (u need to see my face wen I got to dat part)
ReplyDeleteMy dear u av various options
1. Trap him with belle.
2. Get mama dolphin's digit.
3. Try juju
NB; all dese options av d same goal which is to ruin his marriage, but I can assure u ur happiness isn't guaranteed.
'Any woman who hangs around a alredy taken man(weda married or engaged) is a LOSER, stop short changing yasef!'. By mua Pinkshell. #ShinesTeeth
I just pray I don't come across people like you in my life anything juju scares me moreover you haven't seen when guys will sedate a girl and remove the child without the girl even knowing
DeleteMr lyca
Dry gal..hiss!
DeleteMr lyca sounds like a confused guy. @ 12;38 okponu aiye ati orun ni e. U can't differentiate comedy frm serious ish. As dry as ur ass.
DeleteKeep quiet miss enlightened
DeleteMr lyca
Mr. Lycra, plz how old are u? Cos I saw ur comment on d throw back thurs.
DeletePinkshell d comedian..buhahaha..who lie give dis ape?I say it again..dry gal..hisss
DeleteHehehehe! See as u dey contradict yasef, u dey laff n yet am dry. BTW get a blogname, after sendin ur comment use 'Name/Url', I wnt to no wu my new stalker is cos u don't sound aggressive.
DeletePink shell bcos u saw my comment on TBT it's you that can't differentiate between comedy and real ish even my little nephew can tell that comment was a joke anyways if u care to know am only 12 years
DeleteMr lyca
Poster get to know him beta. De love will come if he is de one. Ur ex has already moved on and is married so I don't see anything wrong in dating his friend. Just take ur time dear.
ReplyDeleteif you do not love this dude, there is no point.
ReplyDeleteyou loved your ex but it didn't work out. you don't love this dude but he looks good for a husband.
my dear, you will find yourself entangled in a triangle. sooner or later into your marriage, you will keep going to your ex for sex and affection (cos that's who you truly love) and who knows, u may start having issue of trust with this guy(your husband)
think hardddd and if you decide to go with this dude, you really got to discipline your emotions. as in DISCIPLINE!
Blog lord very true, I was in same situation, I married some one I did not love when I was in love with someone else due to family pressure. It took me a lot of work to be able to let go, it won't be easy oh. Especially with the fact that your ex still want u. Please be careful.
DeleteI think u should give him a chance
ReplyDeleteAll these love thingy is overrated
Love is just an illusion
All u need is a man that treats u right...hope u like him atall?
So u don't end up with someone that irritates u
My dear poster, listen to me! It's better for ur man to love u more I'm telling u....love grows woman! Ur ex is married n has totally moved on so wots ur prob? My if u no wnt am abeg I can drop my contact so he can contact me ok? I think then u will knw getting a correct guy in dis day n age isn't easy! U better hold him tight.....who cares if he's ur exs bestee...mehnnn get ur act right n dnt piss me off
DeleteAm with Stella on this one.
ReplyDeleteWhen a man cares emotionally and financially for a woman she will almost definitely start loving him.
Open your heart to him and you may be surprised how much you will fall for him.
Love is so overly rated in my opinion.
Poster I think that's a lot of drama going on there. Do you really want to go in there. Anyways these days there are different reasons why people marry and you have said yours. But the drama is too much ,if you marry him, he might be bitter in the future use some info he knows against you. Personally I wont go ahead. Your life your choice........lena
ReplyDeleteyeye girl, hold on tight to this man. it is rare to see a man that will abide by the no sex rule nowadays. Know you have found a good thing. Pray seriously about it and go the love will come later u will see
ReplyDeleteIt is not hard biko, say what you know. It's all about discipline
DeleteI really don't dig this “soon to be union”. Along the line, your supposed suitor will reminisce about your sex life with his friend. I am aware that men are scare, but isn't it possible to date and marry another?? #JustSaying#
ReplyDeleteWomen and our love for eating garbage as if there is some award for eating the most trash.
ReplyDeleteYou were a side chick never a babe, a man loves and wants you you are there whinning over a married man who had no regards for you even while dating.
Stay there you need no advice. Keep hoping for a married man sad soul
LOL!
DeleteHaba easy now...
Humans are always complicated, you give them this, they want that!! Sip my green tea.Whatever choice you make, that a'int my business.
ReplyDeleteNice I.d ....I hope you can keep up the magic ...
DeleteEven God doesn't understand what women wants.....clear ur mind and forget about ur ex who has clearly moved on and never loved u as much as u wanted,give dis new guy a chance and see how it goes....where u met him is not d issue but ur happiness
ReplyDelete*what women want*
DeletePls dont even attempt it ooh....If the guy does not end up marrying u nko? U'd be screwed in their eyes forever... I am talking from experience. ...it was only after me and the second guy broke up.my eyes just cleared, and funny enough, they are bac being good friends, while me I am now seen as a hoe...but sha do what ur mind says, cos people are differnt..urs mind work out
ReplyDeleteFrm ur name, ur story is definately true, " suckable pussy", d guys were jst dere to suck ur pussy dry n dump u, hoe,ashawo kobo kobo
DeleteStella is right, just give the guy a chance. maybe you don't have feelings for him now cos u're still seeing him as your ex's friend that cost you your relationship! Just give him a clean slate and allow him show you whether he actually loves you or feels that you're a good girl and that's why he wants to marry you! #One Love#
ReplyDeleteGive him a chance.From ur narration,u still love your ex but babe,he is married to someone else. Like a good guy who's over you,he said,go ahead with his friend. So what else?
ReplyDeleteThe affection you need will grow with time
ReplyDeleteHope he doesn't know too much about the relationship with ur ex, cuz he might use it against you later(ppl change)
Your ex has moved on, do same(you dnt need his approval)
All the best!
TessY You.
women!!! confused beings. ur ex abandoned u nd he is now married nd u still here considering him bfore making important life decisions.....SMH... i wonder wat else u want wen u gat a good man, jst fall in luv wt him nd marry him...
ReplyDeleteTesting.. Testing... Testing...
ReplyDeleteDats a tricky one,jst b careful.dear stella am in a similar situation and am goin to go anon on dis one!!!am in one of d universities in d north and am in a rlationship.ma boyfrnd finished frm ma sch but he is in bak home nw.we av bn 2geda for 2yrs and I totally luv him....he is caring,God fearin,cute,an easterner.I am frm d south,ma pple r nt hapi dat am dating an igbo guy but I luv him.he has talked marriage so we r planning small.Early dis year wen I ws home ma ex came to see.he is married with 2 kids but we talk frm time to time.he came with his younger broda.me n ma ex dated for 3 yrs,I only met his broda once.dat day he tuk ma no,we all gisted n parted.months later he called dat he ws jst checkin up on me.fast4ward,he is in luv with me.he is cool,calm n decent.am begg'n to fancy him.everyday we talk,I see dat am drawn to him.his broda hs warned me nt to av anytin to do wit his broda.I like dis guy.I luv ma boyfrnd!!!!!am rily confused.wot do u tink.cuss me out if u want!!!!!!!!!!anon Y
ReplyDeleteIs ur head a town crier.
DeleteOle ni e, oluju kokoro
DeleteLoooL
DeleteUr ex's brother wan chop clean mouth
Face ya boyfriend
Infact na u sabi
The main ingredient which is love is not there, How is it possible to marry some one you don't love? So this days it is all about money???? My dear if i were you i will cut the two of them off. So this is what will happen in future if you marry him, you will find out that first thing you over looked which is love is important and before you know it you will start going to your ex for satisfaction and that may lead to break up. Think deep! This two are no good.
ReplyDeleteSpot on! Couldn't have said it better. You are one intelligent sombori.....lol
DeletePoster,think about this advice. Cheers
My dear since he agreed to the 'no sex' thingy it means he's a good man. Pray abt it nd follow the voice ofthe spirit.
ReplyDeleteI'm now confused, what is with agreeing to no sex thingy. Why are women giving so nuch power to men by making them believe that they are the only ones entitled to sexual satisfaction? So when you get urges what happens, u will go outside or still give in after pretending "no sex thingy" nonsense and ingredients. If he is good, please sample to be sure the chemistry is there. Agreeing to " no sex thingy" is by no means a pointer to the character of the man o. He fit gree and be steady collecting outside, he fit gree because he has hidden issues that he doesn't want to disclose I done talk my own. As for being his friends bestie, if it were me, I wil waka go another corner. But as u wan dey there , u are a grown woman so u should be able to tell what a man wants. But please my dear, explore you sexuality. If u are witholding for religious or personal reasons, good for you, but not because you are giving a man rule on "no sex thingy" you will just be cheating urself. You vagina is a part of ur body, not a weapon and not a commodity. Hope I made sense.
DeleteCourtesan, correct!
DeleteStella said it all,get to know him
ReplyDeleteana ajugheri nkanka ajuju. No, cut off from him and send me his details since ur still wallowing in d past cus of an ex that married someone else. How come girl dont have sense? get to know him first n see if u will even love and forget abt ur ex, no be only them first disvirgin abeg.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,what if God is blessing you with a good man through your ex,won't u rather accept Gods blessings than trying to save face and look good in front of your ex n co?
ReplyDeleteMy take? Open up to love again n to this new man,n watch how it turns out.
First of, this current boyfriend of yours is shady, why is he gon throw his boy under the bus like that cos he likes you? The whole truth should have come from your ex, the whole thing is just suspect to me.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you don't love him, don't date him or marry him because he's financially stable. Listen to Stella's advise and take the time to know him or let him go.
Jeez, too complicated. What do girls really want? Love or money? If he goes broke tomorrow (God forbid), then there is no love to sustain the relationship.
And I'm sure he has other friends, do they know about the whole drama? Sounds like a messy story before the marriage sef.
Poster you're just a mufu.. your ex is married and expecting and you're still here speaking grammar. Dude won't even care about cuz he's married and couldn't give 2 fcuks with what you do with your life or whom you date. My advice tho is some friends can be tricky and just want the box so don't give it to him until you're engaged and be careful of snitches cuz that's what your ex's friend is, infact forget him and date someone else or is that the only guy on your case or its the money that's attracting you? Don't be a money monger or a gold digger, you marry someone for money you won't be happy in the long run. Don't be like maime and linda eze
ReplyDeleteNKOTB
Love is a gradual process but hey its all about comfort abegi u fit farshi d guy send me his contact biko u won't regret u did.
ReplyDeleteMy dear love is a choice not a feeling. Go ahead and your feelings will catch up. Chidinma.
ReplyDeleteDumbass girl! He spoilt you silly, you chopped his money and refuse him shining your congo? The guy is mugu 1..
ReplyDeleteNa you know jare, I dey go mama nkechi's shop make I go try the new shepe wey she get.
My dear shake the dust off, release yourself and fall in love. Meanwhile i wonder why girls find it difficult to let go of their ''first''
ReplyDeleteHmmm...dis ur story sha..no 1,though not justyfying ur ex boyfriend's cheating ways buh who in d world snitches on his own friend? Hé called u up n started telling u,u werent d babe hé knows dat his friend is dating.Nne,dat for me is à no no.den again,u cant conclude hé is nice,hé knows how to spoil à woman n bla bla...sweetheart u just met him n ofcourse hé wil try to impress u.point is dis:u DO NOT know dis guy.so,take à chill pill about marriage n all dat altar talk.get To know him first...really know him. Good Luck babe.
ReplyDelete@ Poster, I really exercised my brain cells to get d true picture of ur story. U must realise n come to terms that ur Ex is in your past now. He prolly has moved while u r still reliving how much u had 'loved' him. The words r 'Ex' and 'Loved'. Let em b indications that it's over n u must b receptive to another person n happiness.
ReplyDeleteU loved ur Ex n made fun memories wit him cos u gave him a chance. So give this new guy a chance too. U prolly (informal) didn't love ur Ex instantly, love must v grown on u given time. So give this new guy a chance n let love grow on u again.
It's getting boring wit d Love Love Love thingy n it's misconception. Its obvious u v found common attraction to this guy, now allow these attraction n compatability to metamorphose into love. Our parents didn't 'love' each other wen they were betrothed but love happened on d way n they had d best of it given sacrifice, patience, understanding.
I know am a learner but love is overrated.
Mr K mavo? I'm going to send you a request on FACEBOOK. Checked our your page but changed my mind.
DeleteSweet mother,I hope you ain't about to do the unthinkable?
DeleteBwahahahaha. .........anon, hmmm......
DeleteAnonymous please what's the unthinkable?
Delete@ Sweet Mother. Oniovo. Omaganre o. Bet u noticed I v not been active for like 2yrs. I only post pix sometimes for Cloud Storage. Tho I respond to msgs or b'days frm there. Bet u v been fine. Do have a lovely week ahead.
DeleteYour problem poster is not bcos he's ur ex's friend but bcos u don't love him enuf?...right!so if you are not down with him take a walk.u are lucky ur ex has moved on and has willed' u to his friend without hard feelings,so I don't see a problem here.
ReplyDeleteSincerely speaking u can marry ur ex boyfriend's friend
ReplyDelete.. u've told ur ex sef and he approved which is even an advantage but even if e no approve sef it's very ok for U to marry him sweetie... but this one wey u no come love am so, oga' ooo.... my advice is this... i think if u continue to be around him, communicate well with him he will grow on u and u wouldn't even know when u will be screaming love.... money de, maturity de, and he respects u. Haaaa babe no worry u go soon de shout I love u pass.... long and short is give it a trial #hugs
Please don't get seriously involved with him. He told you things that made you and your ex break, it should have given an idea of the kinda person he is. Forget all the things you think he is right now, your eyes will clear when he marries you. And my dear, the kinda things he will be saying to you then, only God will save you.
ReplyDeleteWoman.....u better let go n live. Take it one day @ a time, why r u already thinking of awkward meetings?
ReplyDeletePls don't be deceived by his early agreement with your no sex, it could be a ploy to win your heart. closeness brings affection, affection increases love and love give it all including sex. Are u very good in bed? Maybe your Ex has told him of your sex prowess and he wanted to test the water no matter how long and what it takes. A man that took interest in his friend's woman and backbites the friend just to have you is not a good man in my opinion. pls shine your eyes, dnt be carried away by his riches.
ReplyDeleteSpot on
DeleteStellasticka but if the feelings are not there she can't fake em. If u don't like him as much, let him know and move on. Not d end of the world
ReplyDeleteWhy did he expose his friend I am not supporting him all i am saying is why didn't he just chill and mind his business , moreover u don't really love him, this is marriage please don't settle for less,and
ReplyDeletetrust me your ex will get him back, he is forming not sending, of course he can't stop you from getting married, but
,he broke the(bro code) any body that can snitch on his friend must be very dangerous am sure he was very jealous of his friend. Moreover what do you want to tell your kids? I used to date daddy's best friend before.dont be desperate please
Mr lyca
Mehnnnn......you come to a forum filled with faceless people to seek advice on a life-changing decision you need to make???.........yeahhh......NEXT!!!
ReplyDelete1000 likes!!!!!!!
DeleteYou just said you don't love him, haba how do u want to marry someone you don't love, then tomorrow when u meet someone you love, you will be cutting free show outside your matrimonial home and you might even end up cheating with this your ex.
ReplyDeletemarry someone you love, material things will definitely follow once you are hard working...
Some chicks sef! Please pass the guy over if you dont like him. Aint nobody got time for drama
ReplyDeleteWOW! WOW!! WOW!!!
ReplyDeleteGLO(500)
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GBAM! GBAM!! GBAM!!!
Dear poster, there are 2 sides to a coin. He is your ex boy friends friend. Have you prayed about it? Your new boyfriend maybe genuine. But the only way to know is to pray & ask God to show you if he is for real. Marriage is suppose to be for a life time, if you pray & are convinced then you know that you will be able to face your challenges together.
ReplyDeleteBut if for any reason your heart is not settled about him, then there is no point. There are no guarantees in life. It is only in God we can have guarantee.
Was in your shoes a few years ago and almost dated my ex's friend too. My ex and I broke up when I found out he was cheating and he showed no remorse so I left. Who came calling to ask me what happened? His friend and that's how I fell hard, he was my ex's opposite. Very calm and cool headed but what saved me was that he wasn't in Nigeria. He liked me and knew about my ex's cheating but never did he say anything bad about him or the cheating when we began to date over the phone. Who got angry? My ex. Lmao...Did I care? well, he never came back to naija and I lost interest in the distance thing jare. But i will advice you to study this guy first for like 6 months and know him very well before dating him, know his family and why his pas relationships ended and all that. Character can't hide forever and pray too. If he is good, then date him. When someone truly loves you, they don't care about your past cos it's what they can't change. He probably told you all that bcos he felt you were a good person and didn't deserve all that cheating. No rush please, take your time and study him first. He sounds like a keeper to me anyway with the no sex thing. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteBabes,,pls be very careful. Guys really do not expose their friend's paroles/cheats just like that...."he just called you up only for him to tell you u were not the girl he knows with his friend".....i hope this whole thing is not arranged/planned by the two friends to intentionally cause the breakup between you and ur ex(which has already happened)cos according to ur story,,months later,,ur ex is married and even expecting....meaning his wife was around the corner all the while......Why did ur ex bf's friend call u again 8 months after u lost contact with him???He agreed to all your conditions just so he could manipulate your emotions to get u to date him...dont let them use you as "PASS ME AJEKU EBA"..pls be wise,,think well before you make your final decision...
ReplyDeleteBabes,,pls be very careful. Guys really do not expose their friend's paroles/cheats just like that...."he just called you up only for him to tell you u were not the girl he knows with his friend".....i hope this whole thing is not arranged/planned by the two friends to intentionally cause the breakup between you and ur ex(which has already happened)cos according to ur story,,months later,,ur ex is married and even expecting....meaning his wife was around the corner all the while......Why did ur ex bf's friend call u again 8 months after u lost contact with him???He agreed to all your conditions just so he could manipulate your emotions to get u to date him...dont let them use you as "PASS ME AJEKU EBA"..pls be wise,,think well before you make your final decision...
ReplyDeleteTotal rubbish. Young lady it's wise you flush your ex and his friend from your life. If your ex is the kiss and tell type, do you know what he might have told his friend? I hate it when ladies can get over he first fucked me.
ReplyDeleteA crossword. What has the ex told him about you? what is his motive? it should be given second thought indeed.... Visit segunakinleye.blogspot.com for the latest news, gossips, opinions and commentaries.
ReplyDeleteEvery one is now a blogger
DeleteIf u don't love him,then let him go.
ReplyDeleteAm a man nd am married to a woman I really do not love..i missed my ex whom I really loved cos I tot she was stubborn,rite now,m full of regrets,wld hv been happier if I married my subborn ex dan dis dry wife of mine..I miss my ex so much!!!3yrs gone nd my life is boring..poster,pls put love first,notin like it
ReplyDeleteKai
DeleteMa Dear!!! Please move on n be happy, ur ex is happily married n Ure still there wallowing in tot of what to do n what not to do...
ReplyDeleteBottomline
This is prayer Answered!! Please make best use of this opportunity n move on.
Sometimes we use our husband for boyfriend and our boyfriend for husband... People need to be more careful, there are people God brings into your life to serve as a link to someone/something else and we end up messing it up! The friend sounds like a great guy (the amebo he did on his friend scared me but turns out he was telling the truth...). Marry him biko and you guys should cut off from your ex who could deceive a VIRGIN so easily...SMH Cut him off before his evil nature will make him break your home!!!
ReplyDeleteThis love thing,I donot understand it.This happened to my former colleague .she was like 34yrs then,has no relationship with any man at all.alway regeted that she came to Lagos for her youth corp cos that was what make her to stay back in Lagos.she believe if she was in the east,boys that come home for Christmas would her married her.we called her all kind of names and always remind her she is rusted .fast forward ..........In 2010,she received call form a guy who happened to be her best friend ex that he wants to marry her.how do they meet.when my colleague best friend was till dating dis guy,her friend begged her to follow her to meet her future mother in law who came to Lagos,On getting there ,the supposed mother in law started hugging my colleague ,calling her my wife and it takes the man to convinced his mother that it was the other lady he intends to marry that he doesn't not my colleague ........the relationship did not work out.the other lady married .....after like 2 yrs the guy mother insisted that he go and look for that lady that followed my former girlfriend to his house.the guy has no choice than to connect his former girlfriend who now link my colleague and the guy together that she doesn't have a problem with the relationship since she has moved on with her own life .my colleague got married within 3month cos the mother in law could not wait for long to have her has daughter in law...Everything was like a flash before all of us.......madam rusted is married....she has 2 beautiful boys now.....things happen my sister ooooo
ReplyDeleteI don't know why,but there's something "OFF"about ur ex's friend. Something is not quite right. And I don't like men who snitch. I'd advice you to either be very careful,or WAIT for your own man. Don't let loneliness or heartbreak confuse you. In as much as e try say e give u gist about ur bobo,but the way he went about it sha... Na. I absolutely do not trust this dude. Be very careful. My advice is cut off totally from ur Ex and his circle biko. With the Help of God,your Own will find you without Drama.
ReplyDeleteConfusing but be VERRRRRRRYYYYYYYY CAREFULLLLLLLLLLL...a snitch is an evil person o...looks like a small crime but can only come from a bad heart...
ReplyDeleteNormally I would have said let go of your ex and everyone connected to him. But life is damn too short to be over protected. It's okay to make take calculated risks, if you fail simply try again.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine got married to this guy. After marriage he started using her to practice boxing. 6 months later the marriage was over. She got a divorce and married his best man 1year after. The guy practically worships the ground she walks on. It's been 3yrs now and she's thankful all the way!
The only reason you can't feel anything for this man right now is because your still in love with your ex. You need to let go of your ex completely, before you make mistakes you will regret for a long time. Trust me even if your ex was still single and you give him another chance, you probably end up where you are right now(alone and hurting). When people don't want you in their life, you need to understand that it's not because your a bad person and it's certainly not the end of the world. It just simply means they don't deserve your "good thing" and there's something/someone greater and better for you out there.
So stop holding on to stale cheese, pick up your cutlery and taste a new cheese. Who knows you just might like it even more.
Soo, I think you should take break, give yourself sometime to think. You can ask the new guy to give two weeks to think about the whole thing, and see how you feel about it. Don't communicate with him in that time, so you can think clearly.
Hope you find the answer within you. Good luck.
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DeletePoster dn't let heartbreak drive u into the arms of ur ex's friend. Something is not right abt that guy. A guy that snitches like that is capable of other hurtful things too. Just be careful.
ReplyDeleteTANI.
Same dilemma am in at the moment! But mine is slightly different. Met this fine black dude(my kind of guy,*winks*) at a friends party he was all over me and we got talking and exchanged numbers. On our first date we talked about everything and I mentioned my university, and dude said thats where his ex graduated from and mentioned her name! She is someone I know from a distance we only talk once in a blue moon i.e, festive period and mayb when she needs my favour cus we live in different states. Ever since he mentioned it, I am confused, dont know if I should go ahead or not...
ReplyDeleteNigerian women would one day push some gullible people to make the mistakes of their lives.. The question is , if you had said this guy is not loaded and financially okay , the comments would have been different.. It seems that when posters want people to like a guy they are talking about they always tend to add "financially secured" "Rich" .. As soon as you add that , all our naija babes will just be flooding in with positive comments(which offcourse is what you wanted).. Well me , as a big mouth abj babe , I go tell you the truth.. Contrary to belief, based on experience , money is good for everyone , I have seen beautiful girls leave good guys to marry militants , so its nothing surprising anymore and the funny thing is they will pretend like they are happy in the marriage to make their friends jealous but the truth is that LOVE conquers everything.. I am in that situation now , and am not talking about forcing your heart to love someone considering the things the person has.. I am talking about loving someone and they end up having the things that you want in life as you guys grow. At what time do you want to start getting to know someone and finding out if you love them or not ? Some even say stuffs like marry him first and then you will fall in love ? Ladies , why do we do this to ourselves? WHY ? Family pressure? Peer pressure? Whatever happened to you working hard to earn your own money ? What has the world turned to ? Someone comes here and post something irritating about a guy , but just cause he has money you want to girl to overlook all that and marry him ? WOW !! Poster , let me advise you, my husband is right by my side saying this, any guy that snitches is friend to get a girl , its either , its planned or the guy is not loyal.. If he was not loyal to his friend , he cannot be loyal to you..And men can pretend until you end up under their roof as a wife , thats when the true color starts showing.. I think its alright for a woman to live with a man for a bit before marriage.. SIMPLE.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, try and know him nah.biko does love fall from the sky?is it not until you open up and get to know him and see the qualities in him before you start to love.he's already a good guy and has panned out a while even after knowing you've slept with his friend, he still agreed on your terms before marriage.please go and allow this dude to love you and allow yourself to love him back.your ex that you loved nko,is he not married and having a child with somebody else entirely, Biko move on with this guy.let me tell you something, it's the relationships that initially start out with no love that end up lasting really long.you will soon fall head over heels for this guy, if you allow yourself and your only regret would be why you took so long.forget all this don't marry somebody you don't love, check all the failed relationships and marriages, how many do you hear failed because there was no love? God be with you as you decide on this your situation.you are blessed!
ReplyDeleteI can tell for sure that you will cheat on this guy, right now the snitching on his friend will look good to you , but when you marry him and acts disloyal , it will always bring you back and then you start hating him.
ReplyDeleteMy mom's number one rule when it comes to marriage is , if he is worth cheating on then dont marry him.. Regardless of who you cheat on him with ( I am talking about while dating) I couldnt find myself cheating on my husband when we were dating , I just couldnt do it , not cause he was perfect but because I decided to make lemonade out of my lemon every time there was short comings.
Another poster said she married someone due to family pressure? LOL.. You made your bed , so just relax on it jeje... I mean , who still marries someone they dont love or someone they hope they will love in the future out of family pressure? My sister is there , richer than me offcourse but whenever we go out , I always look happier and cant wait to go home , she wants to always hang out every time till late cause she cant stand her husband ... She said she thought she will love him as they grow but , nothing !! When they were dating , he seemed the coolest guy , but what do you have , the coolest guys dont make the best husbands sometimes.. Your best friend does.
My dear, there's no two ways about it, it's u n u alone... the reason is that u refused to format ur system (i.e) "ur mindset" u were too carried away by so call ur EX-B, n if u will tell us d truth here; u might still havn s*x with ur EX despite that he's married. Until u let Hagar & Ishmeal to go ur Isaac wil not com, it was wen Hannah let Shiloh's delicious meal go, den Samuel came, evn 4 d Israelite to enjoy d land of milk&honey, dey let onions, carrot go in d strange land! der4 off ur mind n spirit 4rm ur ex n focus on ur line...try 2 mak use of d opportunity around u!
ReplyDeleteAnon 12.51pm, I really like your story. I'm happy for your colleague, God works in miraculous ways.
ReplyDeleteI guess u still think of ur ex dats why d feeling is not forth coming. Girls should stop being friends with exes. momtohquality
ReplyDeleteAnon 1:46.....pls go ahead and date the guy IF you both love each other. Your case is very different from the Poster's case...You are no so close to the guy's ex,,you never knew the guy while he was still dating his ex and you were never the cause of their breakup....so you are good to go.
ReplyDeleteGod is Love...God first, Love first.
ReplyDeleteYou have to set urself free and allOw love lead d way madam.personally I won't date my ex's friend for anytin in dis world esp wen I do not have love for him,. I will advice u to follow ur heart,we all have diff destiny's,seek d face of the lord and ask for direction. Do not enter marriage for the wrong reasons,he might be financially OK now but one can't tell for tomorrow. All d best dear
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why we hear of cases where ladies have been engaged to some dudes for 5 years and counting, because some guys use the promise of marriage to get ladies locked down and keep getting what they want from those women only to dump them and get married to someone they just met. Who told you this new guy wants to get married to you? You've classified him as "husband material" has he classified you as "wife material"? Why do we women (most not all) get all giddy and hopeful that all guys who appear caring and sweet, have marriage on their minds? From your story, this knight in Armani amour just got in touch with you 8months post the breakup just to see how you were doing and you've already tagged him "husband material". Girrrrl com'on now! Don't rush into anything because you ex left you and got hitched, clearly he wasn't the right one for you. For those who say love is overrated, what is overrated isn't love but that crazy emotion masquerading as love and making a caricature of one of the strongest, if not the strongest, force in the universe. Just because you haven't been lucky in love or the wrong person took advantage of you and left you with a broken heart, doesn't overrate love. People should stop branding the slightest emotionally attraction as love because only very few lucky people get the privilege of experiencing the greatest gift of all, love, in their lifetime.
ReplyDelete