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We will all grow up old and wrinkled one day and every parents wish is that their kids grow up to remember them and take care of them......but right now when you are dating someone who has made taking care of his parents a big deal,what should you do?stop him?leave him or tow his line?
Read blog visitor email.
''Good Morning Stella, am an addicted reader of your blog. right now i am confused and i need advice from you and my fellow SDK readers.
I have been dating this guy for over a year now. he's very loving and am 100% sure he dosent cheat. Has a good job that pays him quite well. thing is he is the only son and he takes his family too seriously.
I am not saying he shouldnt be Concerned about his family, but he always makes it known to me that his family is very important to him and he can not abandon them. he went as far as renting a house about 5mins away from his parents house.
Another thing is he is so stingy and conscious about money. He Has never for once given me money for my hair, clothes or even fuel for my car. even to cook for him, he Expects me to bring out my money and i dont have a job. but he takes care of his parents well even though They receive pension and he is talking marriage.
my fear now is did at 27yrs old and not getting any younger, my parents are on my neck to get married. but if i marry such a man would i be happy for the rest of my life? So am scared Because the family have issues. he lost his 4 siblings in mysterious ways, his two sisters havent given birth after 8yrs and 12yrs of marriage.
i do not know what to do anymore. Stella and my fellow SDK readers, advice me please. what should i do?''
*All i have to say is that with this your attitude and mindset,if you marry this guy,the marriage will be dead on arrival!.
Every who grows up and makes taking care of their aged parents their priority is a blessed child and will live long.
Change your mindset because at 27years you sound like a frustrated 50 year old spinster.
My dear if to say as he dey take care of his family na so he dey care for u den e better but since u said he's stingy to u please mydear run for ur life jare he too sabi only he own...... I hate stingy men!
ReplyDeleteIn marriage people remain who they are, if you feel uncomfortable with all these above and you are my sister who has come to me for advice I will tell you not to marry. Wedding ceremony is not the end o. Na to settle for marriage and clearly here its almost impossible. You already believe there is evil in the family you too go enter no born come begin de call him parents wizard and witch. At 27 you still have time.
DeleteForget d stingy part jor,d girl wants d guy to channel everything he spends on his parents/family to her ni...all dis girls sef,I just tire for dia selfishness...for him to be taking care of his family like dat,don't u think he'l be so responsible wen it comes to takin care of d family he'l create?...e be like say one of ur friends dey date one yahoo boy wey dey buy brazilian hair for her dat na y u dey say he stingy
DeleteAbeg, leave the mofo! I can't stand stingy men o.. Am a Leo n I need love m care abeg.. U can see the signs already,his family will control his life n yours. I have two boys n I want them to be close to me in future but I don't want to be that close? (5 mins walk ke?) U better run o..don't come back to SDK and say u r in hell o...
Delete*am out*
Stella biko thank u,I dnt know why some girls ar very selfish,if the parents didn't nurture him ,tell me who you would av dated.Some parents during bringing up a child,sell their valuables just to see their children become something in life,when they grow old and expect their kids to take care of them,you will then want the man to abandon them and face you.That is why men can never stop calling us gold diggers,be independent get something doing ,marriage is not a gateway to riches ladies,besides he arnt married to you yet and you want him to spend only on u,am sure you wouldn't like to hear such done to ur own parents by ur brothers wife.please leave that family to avoid been a nuisance to them.umunwanyi na anya ukwu
DeleteStella biko thank u,I dnt know why some girls ar very selfish,if the parents didn't nurture him ,tell me who you would av dated.Some parents during bringing up a child,sell their valuables just to see their children become something in life,when they grow old and expect their kids to take care of them,you will then want the man to abandon them and face you.That is why men can never stop calling us gold diggers,be independent get something doing ,marriage is not a gateway to riches ladies,besides he arnt married to you yet and you want him to spend only on u,am sure you wouldn't like to hear such done to ur own parents by ur brothers wife.please leave that family to avoid been a nuisance to them.umunwanyi na anya ukwu
DeleteDear poster, GET A JOB!! If u marry him without a clear cut plan to your future, you will be frustrated. Or better still, move on. obviously he will always take care of his extended family and your kids (if you are lucky to have him become so concerned) but not u.
Deletewhy? I have a father that's exactly like this. He doesn't know how to give my mother money for her hair or clothes, she has to fall back on us children. My mother is 57 and a grandmother. Yet, she has to work now. Why? Because when she was younger she didn't work for most of her life while doing family and now she's older and no matter how much contribution her kids give her, she has personal needs to attend to. She keeps complaining everytime about how she doesn't have a husband who will just hit money and throw 100k or 200k on her, or buy her a brand new car like most women her age enjoy after building with the man. Whether she has perfume or toiletries or not, he doesn't really care. After almost 40 yrs of marriage let any of his family members come with needs, he will rush to help. My father isn't a bad man, he doesn't cheat and is very godly but this issue of not taking care of his wife, not concentrating on buying his children clothes and personal effects while we were growing up, but rather focusing on extended family members has caused alot of problems in my home. So as I dey so, I dey run for stingy or 'i love my family too much' kind of man. A man should love his family but balance it up with his main partner his wife, so no one feels cheated. The,bible says: for this reason, a man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife. I am against total neglect of extended family, cos as I dey so I still dey send my grandmother money, but extended family should not take place of me and my kids and I. As a girl, i cant remember ever having good clothes to wear as a child,not even my siblings. We will wear one uniform till its made in Nigeria sign begins to show or ut becomes too tight and neighbours start complaining. One school socks the whole year, no pocket money to school, one school bag for donkey years. When i entered uni, it was worse. 5k every month for allowance. Lol. Babe, boyfrnd became useful. My father wasn't poor, but he cant just give. Why? Extended family members!!! Babe, my eye dey tear oh. Either i follow my career which i have started and make enough money not to depend on any man, or my husband should just not be stingy. I have experienced it and its not funny. One of my brothers is still suffering from serious depression on this neglect matter till now. Babe, its not too late to ask for Gods favour, shine ya eye.
anybody Wey wan abuse me, Na u sabi oh. I don talk my own
Evie see your mouth like love and care. Money is love and care right. Don't go and work o be hanging on men for "love and care".
DeleteHello starmate Evie,#dancing#am Leo too,we are special and am not surprised we think alike!for me stingyness is a sin!i can't stand stingy pple abeg,so poster better run cos if u marry dat man,he will collect ur money and add up to give his parents!and sorry to say,i suspect dose his parents,hope they are not remote controlling him or in a society or sumtin?with the series of evil occurrences and snares around dat family,pls talk a walk,cos from every side,there is nothing to gain from marrying them:stingy boy,bad luck family!abeg o!
DeleteDear Chikito,you should rather thank your father for his foresight in raising you up without being too much dependent on a man. I'm sure you are successful now,although it must have been painful but I know you'll be laughing now.I've passed through the same thing with my dad. He is a devoted family man but doesn't spoil at all.His favourite saying is "what is hard to bear,is always sweet to remember".Only the necessities are provided,the rest are termed luxury by him.We later found out he was using money meant to buy toys and all those ephemeral things to buy shares of blue chip companies in our names. Today all my peers that their parents spoilt silly in the 80s are struggling with life.My father is always smiling now feeling accomplished as all of us are doing great.
DeleteAlso, I know from past experience especially if your dad is from a very deep and traditional setting,his taking care of his extended family is to prolong his life and that of you her children. That you are alive today is to God's glory and his wisdom not to neglect those extended family members. I'm sure this must have happened in the tough years of the 80s,those kind of people can afflict a family out of jealousy or feeling of neglect.
In everything and all circumstances Chikito,thank and praise God.
@Anon 11:46- I understand u dear. But don't worry, there's more to it oh. Those family members now are at logger heads with him. They abuse him now even after the trained and bought cars for them in their university days. Their leg don strong. I don't have shares, intact from my university days I've been doing business to fend for myself, from money my married bf gave me. Ashamed to say oh, I didn't have a choice with a 5k allowance, no house rent, not to talk of clothes money or money to even do hair as a grown up girl. I don't ask him for a dime and God has helped me I am comfortable now. A graduate with an okay job. One day when he came to complain to us after d family meeting, that when his,mates were buying properties he was training long list of siblings from ploygamous home who don't even send him recharge cards now and are even insulting him, I told him I am not interested. They should sort out their differences. Dem dey show am oh! Pepper. One was barren for years, he sent her to America for years so she can have child, paying medical bills, now she sends him txts saying he doesn't exist to her. They are doing court cases where all d money she took on pretext of business and never paid back is coming out. This is one alone oh. D rest he can't even talk. Yet i was sleeping with a married guy to as little as feed in school!! My dear, I am,burnt everyday. I am sorry. But can't marry this man described above. I see trouble ahead. In all honesty, only God can help ppl like that.
DeleteIf I get shares, I for happy na! But like u said I am alive to Gods glory, and I am very tough now. Shit from ANY guy dey smell me,for nose. U fuck off or behave. That simple. Don't know why u ladies are so crazy to rush into marriage. Man wey serious will work things out with u. Not neglect ur needs
DeleteHis children* slip of hand.lol
DeletePLEASE DON'T MARRY INTO THAT FAMILY!
DeleteThere is a spiritual affliction in the family.
The man would not change after marriage. You would fight for every kobo before he would give you money to feed not to talk of taking care of yourself and children.
You would be seen as a rival by his parents and they would not give you peace in your home.
Listen to the stories of neglect.
stella nawa for ds mean advice! poster, u already knw y ur guy is behavn dt way. lost 4 siblings??? obara Jesus! God help ds family pls. poster u may b d blessng dt family needs. talk tngs thru wt ur guy n if he insists on not changn, u eithr walk away or try loving his family wt him if u rly love him. d best way to a man's heart is over loving wt he lovs...
ReplyDeleteStella, ur advice was too mean biko! Dear poster, there 's nothin wrong with him taking care of his family. Just bear with him, with time he will set his priority straight. As for the misfortune that has befallen his fallen, u might be d solution they are waiting for but u must be prayerful. Every wife or woman have to prayerful; u must be able to pray for urself, ur man, ur children, infact ur family against evil men. I honestly think u can make d man give u what so ever u desire but u must be ready to work hard urself. Pet and pamper him, cook his favorite food for him,while he's eating; uu can stylishly tell him what u need. Look for those things he likes doing and participate in it. Try not to nag and always be a leaning shoulder. Best of luCk.
DeleteStella, am very dissapointed @ dis ur advice, why are u reading it d wrong way...poster, better run, he's going to make u miserable n even mk u begin to dislike his parents, trust me, I knw wat am saying o
DeleteI half way agree with you but which one Is pet and pamper him again to give her money. Advice the chick to go and find work. This is his family. He is the only son, which rubbish is she looking for. She is a girlfriend, he is not her father. Naija girls can be gold diggers Abeg.
DeleteChai! Stella that was harsh!! I love guys who take care of their parents cause I don't joke with mine at all I can give my last dollar to mum n dad and stay hungry.But a guy who doesn't spend on u whilst u r dating I doubt very much if he will change when u marry him so maybe u need to change ur startegy in relating with him and just maybe his aradite palms might loosen.Y'all should learn to be like we calabar babes who knw d way to a mans heart,gud sex,gud food loadsa petting n tlc,amazing massages when they get back from work.our hygiene level is outta this world dats y we can get any man we set our minds on and if all this fails u better look before u leap or when u leap u carry ur cross quietly .Best of luck but please let d young man take care of his folks biko
ReplyDeleteGirls should stop forming independent to their boyfriends.yoruba girls are guilty of these......
ReplyDeleteHow can you be dating someone that does not contribute to your well being?...upon say you no get job...
Trust me girls,a man that does not spend on you have someone somewhere that he spends on...
Poster,marry him if you can get a job and ignore his stingyness coz some stingy men don't change...
But I will advise you to leave him because if you end up getting married to him,my dear sufferness will be your name...
Pray,ask God to give you your kind of man,trust me,It works...
Yoruba girls are guilty of it right? But too much money talk with u igbo girls are also affecting any serious relationships with guys you people go into. Most of u are still single and fustracted. I will prefer a yoruba girl over ur over bearing demanding igbo girls rubbish.
DeleteAfi fustracted. What the heck is that? Its FRUSTRATED mehn.
DeleteWhen will bbc resume? *thinking*
Linda when people say igbo girls are gold diggers, you will be the first to insult. Why must you spew such nonsense. Yoruba women form independent. So it's igbo women that are leeches? Biko, lekwa that chair...sit in it. Ladies, tie yourself to man for your needs and watch him deal with you. In this day and age...Mschew.
DeleteHahahahahaha, Stella ur advise made me lol. Dear poster there is something called compatibility, its obvious u two are not compatible, people share diff values. I ll advice u leave the guy and find smone as selfish as you are, u dont ve a job and you are able to fuel your car???, pls poster look for an orphan and marry and leave this golden child alone.
ReplyDeleteStella that your comment is too harsh biko, she's asking you for advice not insult, remember you can't know how it hurts unless you're the one putting on the shoe. Mtchw!
ReplyDeleteStella, I respect you and what you are doing here on this blog. But what you said wasn't called for. I remember your late mum very well and the wonderful role you played. I can't judge you and I won't even try. This your comment surprised me. You of all people should know better. I'm sure the poster doesn't want him to abandon his family, all she just wants is for the guy to give something back. You can't love without giving... @ Stella I still love you and your blog no matter what sha.
DeleteAbi o
DeleteI bet you 100% the guy gives her. This babe has a car so she definitely can afford fuel somehow. Naija women, your boyfriend is not your father. Maybe the guy is not really seeing her as wife material. All that marriage talk is to keep her legs open.
DeleteGod knows am so allergic to stingy men. Dey naturally piss me off. My dear, we can advice u from nw till tomorrow bt u are d one wearing d shows and only u know where it hourts. D only thing I will say is Do not marry out of pity or with d plan to endure. If u are nt comfortable pls get out nw.
ReplyDeleteMadam, how Tony? We no dey hear from am, hope he's fine tho'
Delete....(Cont) or get POS so he can be paying u regularly without any excuse
DeleteSpot on@Phrinkies
Delete#GetWellSoonProfDoraAkunyili
*Prayer For Nigeria in Distress x10 Daily*
Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteI think you should, perhaps, leave him and look elsewhere.
Aunt Stella is right (somehow) but I understand you still.
It is good for a child to be a blessing to parents, bla, bla, bla- true- but I'm concerned he seems to be stingy towards you.
You could talk to him about how you feel about his never assisting you (not even when you want to cook for him) or again, you could just leave it, leave him and move on.
You also sound like you think his family might be cursed or fighting some sort of curse- hence your allusion to the mysterious deaths of his siblings and inability of his sisters to conceive- if you're truly worried, then seriously pray about it and if you find you lack peace, please, move on already!
Its not worth it finally, you need to be happy.
You have a car but jobless? Lmaooooooo.
ReplyDeleteYes very possible to have a car and no job cos no be everyone come fronm hungry background.ok? Parents give cars to their kids after graduation some dey add house join so anonymous 11.32 am park well abeg
DeleteSo your parents will give you car and you will be expecting your boyfriend to fuel the car for you? Akuko na egwu!
DeleteAnon ode, as far as u hv a bf is not like u r broke bua he shuld at least give her some gift. Kanye still gives kim gifts. Yes he shuld give her money for fuel cus she burns d lil fuel she have to come see him. Poverty hv taken over your shrinked brain.
DeleteHmmmm...ihe nke a kalikwa mana okaliro Chukwu so nwanne....seek it to God in prayers and not blogs...
ReplyDeleteGod wil def see u tru..amen
Stella u r wicked..can't u read btw the lines,.the guy expects her to bring out of her pocket to cook and he's taking care of his patents and u r abusing her lik this..if its ur sister would you advise her to stay...woo my sister blog visitor ...I dnt know why ppl get so pressured to get husband I understand its not ur fault ..but my advice..before u even pronounce R..abeg RUUUUUN
ReplyDeleteSame thought!
DeleteI was shocked at stellistica comment.
It is all about balance
She didn't say he should not take care of his parents, but also her as she would soon become his wife.
This kind of man would leave the home responsibility for her while he spends all his income on extended family.
We are all whipping sentiments, IF SHE WAS ONE OF OUR SISTERS, WOULD YOU CUSS HER OUT?
If the lady was the type that carried her own extended family on her head, WHO WOULD BE READY TO FOOT THE BILL IN THE MARRIAGE?
Please lets be objective on this matter.
Poster, please get a job first, then the decision is up to you if you want to marry him because you know him better while we are only basing our decision on what you told us.
If you were my blood sister, I will you to pick your slippers and run without looking back!
@poster,Ȋ̝̊̅ dnt have any issue with your boyfriend taking care of his family,becos that is everybody's dream but my main ish is,u said u've been together with this man for a year and he has never given u anything for real?pls break up with him and move on if not he iƪƪ continue wen u guys are married. For example,Ȋ̝̊̅ was dating one guy for four have never asked him for anything and he has never given me anything.two weeks ago my subscription expired and Ȋ̝̊̅ asked him if he could sub for me becos Ȋ̝̊̅ was broke,he told me he was saving up even went as far as telling me he jst collected his salary buh he's saving up*jst 1k*i was really sad cos Ȋ̝̊̅ was always chatting with him constantly we've only met once and we were already dating immediately Ȋ̝̊̅ sub on he pinged me meanwhile Ȋ̝̊̅ have ignored his calls for three days.Ȋ̝̊̅. Told him hw Ȋ̝̊̅ felt for him nt doing d@ for me d@ was the first time Ȋ̝̊̅ was asking him for something he didn't feel remorseful instead he was saying so becos Ȋ̝̊̅ was his gf he has to sub for me Ȋ̝̊̅ insulted and deleted him off and he hasn't contact till now*ps we were never intimate and even a kiss sef so fuck the niggar*@poster pls flee
ReplyDeleteWen a guy refuses to give u anytin,it doesn't neccessarily mean he's stingy...he might not like u n thinks givin u anytin is a waste...I know wat am saying o
Delete*meant we dated for four months. We were never intimate nt even kiss sef
Delete@bitchpill,are u for real? Becos d day Ȋ̝̊̅ asked him for d sub he said no that he won't becos if he does I'm gonna use it to chat wit other guys den d next day wen he called he spent up to 9mins on d fone and wen Ȋ̝̊̅ asked he said he wanna save up. Ȋ̝̊̅ really do love him,Ȋ̝̊̅ tot he also loved me too*lol*d day Ȋ̝̊̅ sub and he pinged,he told me*he saved up becos I'm still a kid and Ȋ̝̊̅ don't knw hw to talk dat Ȋ̝̊̅ should learn hw to talk first*hmmmm*anyways its all gud he hasn't contacted for two weeks after deleting him off and its cool*ps:he's 26 and I'm 19
DeletePls focus on ur studies and leave boyfriend matter
DeleteHisssssss........small children
DeleteCommon Face ur studies
Honey abeg face ur book. 19 kwa??? Enough frogs to kiss o!!! E go good if you read ur book first before frog kissing. The boku Wells so no rush. Another one will stroll by.
DeleteChildren tinz.
DeleteThe writing is on the wall clearly.... Stingly and worships his family. 27 is not too old. I am 27 and il be getting married next month and will be giving birth in august. Although I wanted to do everything at 25 but God had other plans. I met my hubby to be at 25 tho. God has better plans for you so just keep calm and don't let desperation get you into a desperate marriage.
ReplyDeleteThink very very well over the pros and cons.
Beta stop cooking. Where r u getting d moni? If him no c food e go bring out moni. If he's not Wat u want, don't settle 4 it den.
ReplyDeleteConcur Daniel.
DeleteYou are already using your money to cook for him when you are not yet married?
This is a RED flag!
BTW, where do you get the money from when you are not working?
Omg! Stella, I luv u , luv u, luv u.... @ poster u're a wicked being. Put urself in d shoes of his parents nd besides wat are u doing wit a guy dat can't fuel ur car or make ur hair wen u don't have a job? U re too desperate bitch.
ReplyDeleteOhhh pls shut ur hell hole. Hw will u feel if ur dating sm1 n he cnt even say 'babe I saw this gown n I tot of how good it will look on u so I got them for u'. Its nt bad to date sm1 that loves his fam bt he shuld b able to show u some love too. I perfectly understands what the poster is say so if u dnt shut up. Stella u r sooo wrong with that advise. Sometimes its better to keep quiet. At poster tell him hw u feel that u r nt against him loving his parent n u cn love them very well to bt he shuld show some love to his own home. Everybody needs sm love. I jst pray he will b matured enough to understand you. If he wnt change move on.
DeleteHe is showing love to his home. He isn't married to this chic. Na gf tins. OP, you ma stop cooking for him and spending,on him. Find a man that s compatible with your needs.
DeleteA man that does not give during courtship, we definitely not give after marriage!
DeleteHe that is faithful in little, would be faithful in much!
When you truly love someone, you show with words and action, no matter how little!
He should have a monthly amount he gives his parents for upkeep and also plan for his future.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBest advice ever
DeleteHe is stingy to her cos she has shown him that she has money
DeleteThere is nothing wrong in a child taking care of his family but it is very wrong for him not to take care of someone he claims he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
DeleteStella if your daughter comes to you with same story, will you ask her to marry him?
My dear I can feel ur pain but I want to let u knw dat we re all diffrent piple wit diffrent way of life like stella said any child dat takes care of his or her perents is a blessed child he might be Stingy yes dats his neture but not taking care of his perent is out of it ok. becos he has been doing it b4 he mate nd if stop now his family wil neva be happy wit u. Just dnt talk abt him taking care of family talk abt his stingyness towards u nd knw hw to make him change If he truly loves u nd want to make u his life partiner. All I can tell u is to play along wit him in his family side nd knw hw to make him change in ur own side too. Its well. Pls dnt do wat u will not want ur children not will not do to u
ReplyDeleteThe problem here as far as I am concerned is not this man taking care of his parents but rather the fact that he is 'aka gum', araldite.
ReplyDeleteSome women don't like that, it seems to me you mind. At 27 yes old, I understand the pressure on you to get married, but can you deal with what is on ground??? You must answer this truthfully. He has shown you who he really is, so will you accept to marry him just like this. You can't change him o. Remember he is an adult set in his own ways.
Are you ready to be a praying woman cos as you can see, there are spiritual issues to be sorted in his family.
I would want my children to look after me, you would too.
Therefore speak to this man about his araldite nature. It could be that he doesn't know that you sometimes want money off him. Some people are quite thick and need you to spell everything out to them.
You also decide to over his weaknesses and focus on his strengths. All of us have weaknesses - you do too. Marriage is not a bed of roses, but you can choose to over look certain things and make your home peaceful. I do that.
Pls my sister have it in mind that you can not change him. If you are not sure then don't leap. You seem to have doubts.
1000 likes tinker bell!
DeleteYou already see a lot of stuff wrong about the man you love and plan to marry.
ReplyDeleteNow sit down and answer this question: do you honestly think that those issues you have seen will just disappear just like that the day you get married?
Now, the second question: worst case scenario - the issues don't go away after you get married - what will you do?
My dear, answer these 2 questioons honestly and you already know where you stand. But probably beause you don't want to confront the truth, you keep living in denials.
From my own personal experience, you never see any blemish or negative issues in a man who will be your one true love!
Dear Poster, I think you have valid reasons to be worried. It's a good thing he takes care of his parents but it woulda been nicer if he extended his generosity towards you. That being said, honey you don't need a man to pay for your hair if buy gas in your car. Pls get a job, business....whatever you can do to be financially independent. It's good to have a man spend on you, but it's neither safe nor wise to be solely dependent on a man financially. I don't think you should marry the guy with so much doubt and uncertainty in your mind, the union seems doomed already. Lastly, don't let anyone pressure you into marriage. At 27, you still have sometime. It's not how fast I....na quality matter.
ReplyDeleteWhen In-laws Become Thorns- click my name to read more and share your thoughts.
1000 likes Omalicha.
DeleteMy dear u just av to leave dat guy bcos even wen u r married to him he will not change like sum people r saying is bcos u guys r dating dat why he will not spend on u pure he is just a stingy person d fact dat he is concern abt his parents doesn't stop him frm given u moni , he doesn't even give u moni to cook in his hux dats not gud at all wen u r married to him trust me tins will go bad nd do u tink wen he is married to u dat u will b his pority?
ReplyDelete12:36, 1000 likes!
DeleteThat was how my stingy ex was..at 1st I was forming miss independent. Then one certain time I was very broke Ehhh. My mum was not around and I needed money to buy suite for my project defense. I told this guy and he promised to send me money by next week. That week came and passed, then I decided to call him and remind him cos the defense was already close by.....this guy told me that he already used the money to buy suites for his female pastor in church. That he made a pledge..........Jeeeeezzzzz...I was mad with anger.
ReplyDeleteOmo that wz the beginning of the end of our relationship oo. since he can't help me for the first time I asked, I felt so bad. I never visited him again nor allow him to touch me. Even when he asks for a kiss I tell him to go and kiss his pastor.
*suit* you mean?
DeleteHahaha!!! Bae, you wicked o!!! Make he go kiss I'm pastor kwa? Slapping things noni.
DeleteStella did u even read d story well? She is nt saying he shldnt take care of his parents but y so stingy? Even to d extent of nt bringing money for food yet him go cho. Am. If anoda man starts taking care of her now, he ll start shouting she is cheating on me plus its nt necessarily doing sumfin big for her but little things count..poster u can talk to him or run..dis one ll,allow u trek under d sun wen whona marry
ReplyDeleteIf u marry him be prepared 2 work ur ass out and make ur own cos ù will never spend on u and be ready 2 cook with ur money 4 d rest of ur life
ReplyDelete1:44, 1000 likes
DeleteAnty stella haba haba! Too too harsh na shuuuuuu,na advice she ask 4 na.Babes dat family obviously needs strong deliverance,if u can cope fine if you can't you know what to do as per ur bf's stingyness d brovah cnt chng stigyness is in d blood.
ReplyDelete*Sweetness*
My girl's hubby is a practicing medical doc while my daughter is still in sch....her tuition was paid in full and my hubby still gives her her allowances but d hubby wants none of it....my point is when they were dating he didnt really shower her with gifts and I was thinking d guy was stingy.my dear once u guys get married his priorities will change and U are not getting any younger....
ReplyDelete*tell ur mum to make enquiries about that family its very important.
U sound like a correct mum!!! #SideGist
DeleteAwwww
ReplyDeleteHe lost all 4 siblings
Coupled with so many family problems
To me he's trying to stand in the gap for his parents.
He's an unfortunate being
Carrying baggages of responsibilities
Poster if you aren't spiritually competent....fly away!!
If not....you're entering a war zone
The money own no concern me at all.if he like make he stingy. BUT babe!did you say his siblings died mysteriously?If you know you don't go to MFM (and I am sure you don't cos if u did you won't be grumbling about his parents) better scram. His sisters don't have kids?what does that suggest to you? BATTLE! Woh!if you know you no fit Waka the kind of Waka one wakas when one marries into 'Ile ologun' better scram.
ReplyDeleteI don talk my own. I wish people that come from spiritual battle homes can give you examples of what it is like you will never voluntarily enter one.
Haha.. I come from a spritual battle home and its not easy, I swear.
DeleteImagine my mum hasn't eaten breakfast for 6 months now.
Poster read my lips RUN!!! My ex was like that. Felt miserable... Take dat bold step. U don't wanna lEave ur parents comforrtable home to hell fire. NB* I lov me men who takes care of their folks. Its not bad 4 him to balance it. Stell u are becoming annoyin these days as if u dint read whr she says d aka-gum man expects her to cook 4 him froM her pocket money weY her parents dey give am. #Belle
ReplyDeletePls u better fly on.he's doing great taking care of his parents but why the stinginess towards u?u better fly on.mtscheeew.@ 27 ure dis desperate to marry.what's wrong with you?
ReplyDeletePoster u started all this cuz u started forming miss independent when u guys met n now he is so comfortable with it. Stop doing things u do start saking him for money sweetly then if he is always making excuses run. Also never stop him frm helping his parents. Work on ursef n talk to him
ReplyDeleteDear lady, go look for another husband.. How dear you complain that your man is taking care of his parents? Where were you when his parents were taking care of him? Put yourself in their place, won't you want your kids to take care of you at old age? EVIL WOMAN!
ReplyDeleteI don't joke with my father and as a matter of fact I remind my husband to send his parents monthly upkeep, I remind him to call them, my dear at that age they need all the love and attention. They are his parents for crying out loud and they are old.
ReplyDeletePls go and get a job even if the salary is not much, take care of yourself and pay your bills.He will come round to spending on you when he marries you and if he doesn't, sit him down and discuss it.One step at a time.
As for cooking for him, ensure you collect every kobo from him to cook for him.
Finally, pray to God for direction, it is well with you.
Stella that 'your advice' is too harsh mbok.
ReplyDeleteits a good thing that he takes care of his parents. the problem should be why he does not take care of you too? he probably hasn't done anything for you since you guys started dating...its something you have to correct before you finally get married. about his family's history with misfortune, you need to find out what exactly is the issue with the family before you finally tie yourself with all that, that is the essence of this investigations the Igbos conduct before marriage.
ReplyDeleteposter you need to be on the same page with the person you are getting married to or intend to as the case maybe. This is the drill you see all the things you listed such as the strange family problem you perceived they have might just be what it is because your mind works more wonders than you can imagine so it might just be so and you might join his sisters, If he's stingy he will I repeat never change. I think you should allow him take care of his parents he will soon find a woman he's comfortable giving his money to .pls make the right decision because my cousins husband loves his family so much that he will rather build a house for them than buy anything for her or their little daughter who is going to be 3 soon and daddy has only gotten her a gown all her life.God help you dear.FLAMEs
ReplyDeleteDear lady, permit me to say you sound desperate to get married. Take your eyes off your age right away. Marriage is for life and is designed to be enjoyed not endured. Get married cos you love the man you are with and have no doubts about him. On this one I agree with SDK. Completely nothing wrong with taking care of his family. But you already are seeing a handwriting on the wall. Take a seat and think carefully is this kind of guy you want to be with for the rest of your life.
ReplyDeleteFast for a few days and ask God to reveal this guy & His family to you.
Don't be in a hurry to get married.
Dear poster if u tink he ll change when u get married pls think again. Am from a family where my dad takes care of his own bt I never saw or heard he gave my mum 10naira 4 hersef or her people. We as kids we had d best cos wen it comes 2 caring 4 us my dad never holds bk bt i cnt say same 4 his wife. Now we grew up wit sentiments b4 any of us will send 5k 2 my dad mum already got more dan twice of dat. N 2day as mch as love men dat takes gud care of their families if u Dnt show/give me same love I walk. Dear poster it will never change u either choose 2 live wit it or RUN. Atleast my mum lived wit n still loving her husbnd 4 over 36yrs bt i knw dere were times wen she locks herself in d room n cry.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, this is my 2 cents advise; 1. Don't use your money to do anything for him again cuz that's how you got to where you are now, trying to form bigz girls tyns.
ReplyDelete2. I'm married & speaking from my experience & that of others, no man changes for the better after marriage as it pertains to vices or bad traits. It gets worse if people can be candid. Therefore, if he's dis stingy now, add scrooge & worse to it if/ when you get married. At the end of the day, the decision to stay or leave is solely yours, Good luck.
5:09, 1000 likes!
DeleteMarriage ain't manage dear poster mbok!
ReplyDelete#i no fit shout oooooooooooooooo
#GetWellSoonProfDoraAkunyili
*Prayer For Nigeria in Distress x10 Daily*
Gods way is not for anyone to take care of parents at the detriment of your immediate family......leave him alone u are not too old.....he will always be stingy to others and use all his money on his parents.....they have serious skeletons in their cupboards so flee for your life...marriage is not a do or die matter......if your parents keep pestering you just ignore them and stay away from them for a while, when they see u wNt to be left alone they will chill....
ReplyDeleteWell said
Delete7:44, 1000 likes!
DeleteStella and her stupid comments...he is stingy to her yet spends money on his parents who collect pension......no matter how much he takes care of his parents if u cannot take care of someone u are in a relationship with then that's wicked and irresponsible.....some men are selfish and only spend on their family.....babe run for ur life.......and u asking why she has a car but jobless do u know if she was working before? Learn to use ur brains and reason some things out before typing senseless comments and questions
ReplyDeleteSee how some women on this blog reason, spending money on his parents that toiled day and night to make him somebody is selfish.If they had not make a success out of bringing him up,will u marry him? If he'd turned out a tout or layabout will you marry him. Instead to pray to God to bless him so he can continue to do that,you are here whining. He will surely take care of you too when you are married. Isn't it evident that by taking care of his parents he is not stingy. Women please beware of any man that neglects his family that raised him. He will do that to you too.
DeleteMade* error corrected o
DeleteBut you understood her point ain't it?
DeleteDictionary.
Moi you are a total idiot......u obviously talk from your anus You call a mouth......dose the poster sound like she doesn't want him to take care of his parents? Stupid bitch u call ur self a calabar babe is it not your types who fuck men and siphon all their money? Idiot, cos man wan take care of his family maje girlfriend or wife dey suffer....that's bullshit and totally irresponsible.....she has a legit reason to cry out and if she know what is good for her let her run away fast...
ReplyDeleteBefore you, he had his folks....after you, he will still have them......You have no RIGHT whatsoever to challenge anything he does for them especially since it is not with your money.....Instead of you to say you are worried that he doesn't spend on you like he does on his folks....you are writing crap bout a responsible man. You are the kind of woman every mother-in-law prays against as wife for her son......
ReplyDeleteHahaa..run for Ʊя life nah..itz a bad sign..The blessings of the Lord adds no sorrow..pray pray pray (pastor's voice)
ReplyDeleteLove is patient, love is kind - 1 Corinthians 13:4a. A man that is truly in love, can do anything to please the one he courts. He is patient and kind in his dealings with her. The same goes for a woman in love, she tends to nurture and forgive where others wouldn't. Someone in love, truly in love, will share the little he has. Poster, search your heart, the answer lies there.
ReplyDeleteNa she start to use her money dey cook. Me, even before we start talking serious relationship, i trash out this issue with a guy oh. I'm a selfless person, but i cant release all that goodness to an undeserving guy. I'm 26 and I'm beginning to feel d heat. But God help me.
ReplyDeletePlease leave the young man alone.
ReplyDeleteHis parents must be devastated by the tragedy & him been their hope and only child who miraculously is still living, it is only natural for all of them to be as close as a cult. I mean they are all they have.
My advice is if you can not join the band wagon of accepting those parents as your second parents? All the things you do for your parents; washing, cooking, joking, running errands etc you better start doing it for them. Call them mummy and Daddy and perhaps they will see you as their child too or something close to that.
Since their home isn't far from his you found check in on them regularly. If they are the way to his heart then love them as intense as he does.
Once stingy man sees you loving and caring for his parents he will see you as a team mate.
He will also start to shower cash on you. In fact if he gives you buy something little for him and his parents.
Na so e be o this life.
If its too much for you then walk away now. A broken relationship is better than a broken marraige.
Dear Poster, u said his 4 siblings died in mysterious circumstances n his sisters who have been married for long dont have issues...hmmm..Thats not a good trend.Do you want to get married n start fighting spiritual warfare?Those kinds of battles are worse than the war against Boko Haram o.Its like u want to put urself inside fire.Think seriously n pray.If u have peace after u have prayed, then go ahead but if u still have ur fears, pls walk away! Marriage is not 2 mins instant noodles o., its for life.Its better to marry late n marry welll.I wish u all d best.
ReplyDeleteToo superstitious for my liking. Their deaths and inability to conceive could be medical reasons for all you know.
DeleteAnon 12.04pm..u feel that's superstitious? Okay, collect the guy's number n marry him.
DeleteLike anybody would be, I was very skeptical about using a love spell or any spell for that matter but I was absolutely shocked when Eddy called me after I had you cast my spell for me. It wasn't 24 hours that I had my spell cast that he came back to me (practically on his knees). He broke up with me over a month ago and now we are happier than ever. Thank you all!" Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteyes oooh, since his investment is now on his pastor.
ReplyDelete@Amy; yea suit.
No probs with a man taking care of his parents, but he should also show the woman he loves and wants to marry some attention!
ReplyDeleteStella, sometimes I marvel at the your advice and the judgment you give. Come on, if she were to be your daughter or sister, would you have said this? Dear Poster, I would advice you make your fears and reservations known to him. Ask him for money and some things, if you don't see changes in his attitude or him giving you the little things you ask for, then I say drop him fast. A home and marriage were the man doesn't drop money for regular upkeep spells doom later in the future. I for one can't stand stingy and selfish men, they disgust me.
ReplyDelete11:25, 1000 likes.
DeleteStella, sometimes I marvel at the your advice and the judgment you give. Come on, if she were to be your daughter or sister, would you have said this? Dear Poster, I would advice you make your fears and reservations known to him. Ask him for money and some things, if you don't see changes in his attitude or him giving you the little things you ask for, then I say drop him fast. A home and marriage were the man doesn't drop money for regular upkeep spells doom later in the future. I for one can't stand stingy and selfish men, they disgust me.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why people will see fire and jump into it. If you are happy with the way things are today, then marry him. But you are obviously not so what is your problem? Why can't you move on?
ReplyDeleteWhy be with someone that is not contributing anything to your life? Both of you are supposed to help each other so it is his responsibility to take care of your needs. Even if you are financially independent, are you ready to use your money for food, school fees, kids clothes etc if he continues spending all his money only on his family? If he can't afford it, I will understand but to have and not give is a sin.
Apart from his stingy attitude, his family seems to have so much negativity around them. The reason that you are 27 is stupid.
Move on or marry him and shut up.
YOU know the right thing to do, you can feel it in your heart. You just want people to 'advice' you as if they will suffer with you when you enter am. As YOU lay your bed, na so e go be.
Abi o!
DeleteLol. I,bought a car almost 2 yrs before i started working. I did one deal with someone in lekki who sold,bullet proof cars. Linked buyer and seller and made about 2million naira. Used 1m bought a tokunbo yr 2000 car, paid for makeup school in Tara 220k (at d time) bought some,makeup products thru some girl in UK and added to my box (150k) paid tithe (200k) then went to Dubai with my friend. 4day trip flight, accommodation and hotel for two,cost 400k so we paid 200k each. Then miscellaneous. After which I started my regular with small makeup jobs here and there, that were not even paying. I was even a corpse,then sef. Ppl will be asking me: why do u need a job? When u have car? *yimu* transportation in Lagos isn't easy oh. And d car was easy to maintain. Some,of u have suffer mentality. Because u dint hv job, u eont buy car and u will be letting those small small money ppl dash u fly away. My dear, my car even made me get a good job, cos,I was well packaged at my interview.,no matter how small, car is necessary in Lagos. D day wey u no get money for fuel, sidon for house. Now, u sef poster find something doing pending when u get a nee job. There are small small deals u can do in Lagos and make money oh. House agent, car sales agent, ppl who need sales girls become an agent for them. Ahn ahn! U have car nau... Enter road!!!
ReplyDeleteAs for that guy, biko he reminds me,of one guy I'm seriously dodging. My problem is I'm a strong woman. I'm a Leo, a weak man can't handle me. Any form of weakness: mummy's boy, stingy, a Mr. Never knowing what to do right, Mr. Always making excuses, Mr. Not knowing how to hold a woman,down and be responsible for her, is NOT meant for me. I jump am pass. If u wanna be a man jn my life, sit up. U don't have to feed me, but my dear u will show some form of responsibility. I no fit shout oh, but this ur guy no be am. Except he doesn't see u as a wife he wants to marry. Cos if he does, he will be ready to accommodate u in ur good times and bad. He should,advice u to look for a job sef or even help u send out CVs if he knows he can't pay bills.
you don't seem to me like,someone who is smart though. To be honest. U seen like a walkover kind of babe. Why would u ever use ur money to cook for a man u haven't married? Its different if you went to d market on ur own to surprise him. Not that he expects u to do that. Na ur husband?? Why would u drive to his house when he has never fueled ur car? One day tell him: I don't have money for fuel, I'm not working and u can't fuel my car for me, to d best of my knowledge. So when I can,buy fuel I will come. He's not doing u any favors, u sef cut all privileges. No sex, reduced calls. If u are very useful to him he will feel d space and sit up. Abi na u dey force am for marriage? Mscheeew!! Yeye dey smell!!
I was a *corper* then
ReplyDeletepls overlook typos
@Anon 12:04 - biko, tell her oohh!! better trash it out now or forever hold ur peace.
ReplyDeleteI tell u, u go hear am hot if things go this way. HOT!
Dear poster, i just read this story to my mum. And by the time i got to the 3rd paragraph, she said "Where is she going?" by the time i finished she said "Tell her to gerrout of that place!! And enjoy her spinsterhood till further notice" Lmao.
ReplyDeleteCorrect mama!
DeleteDon't mind SDK, sometimes she falls my hand!
It's mostly spinsters or siblings that are cursing the poster!
Any woman married in Nigeria knows the poster is courting trouble!
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