Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Domestic Violence Alert?...Blog Visitor SOS

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Friday, June 27, 2014

Domestic Violence Alert?...Blog Visitor SOS






She dropped this comment on the STAYING CELIBATE AND DATING POST but hasn't gotten any replies because that post is hot and trending on this blog.........Domestic Violence or spousal verbal,physical,emotional or financial abuse is wrong!....please read.





''Please SDK's help out

My fiance beat me up yeasterday and after apologising and even crying(d ist tym I have seen it), blaming it on stress and challenges he is been going through lately.

This is the ist tym this is happening, in the past he would joke about slapping me, beating me but never got around to do it, but yesterday I was shocked to my marrow. I visited him and has been at his place for a week now-we have our marriage plans on. Day before yesterday, he came back moody, I asked what's wrong and he said work and family challenges but he is ok. 



Then yesterday, he got pissed I left the house without informing him(he wasn't even at home) I cooked he didn't eat, so I just I kept to myself. Only for him after few bottles of achholic drink(for someone that isn't into alcohol, only takes when he is not happy which I don't like and have told him it is cowards that do that) entered the room, locked down the laptop I was playing games with and started calling me names. I didn't want to argue so I just stood up to leave the room. That was when he rushed me pushed to the bed and the scuffle started. I haven't cried like this ever before. 



This is someone every girl out there wants to have a piece of because of his character. I told him amidst cries that am leaving today and calling the wedding plans off.

He aploGised last night but I was bent on waliking out. This morning, he woke me up to apologise again and narrated all he has going for him and how bitter he is that the world hasn't been fair to him from the onset. It got to a stage he started crying and swore he won't lift his hands up me again or even touch alcohol. I was touched so I hugged and comforted him.

But I am still scared. Should I still go on with this or walk away or even give us a break. I know. Challenges won't stop coming. And I can't promise we won't argue or piss each other off. I am still scared he might hit me again. And then walking out of a marriage is seen as a taboo!

Please share your thoughts, I am so confused''!



*Look well before you leap oh

163 comments:

  1. Hmmmm
    If he beats you once he is likely to beat you again. It may not be now but he will surely repeat it.
    Since you guys are not yet married, I'll advice you look well o.

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    Replies
    1. Yep. I agree with Genny. He'd definately hit you again and you can be sure he'd cry and apologize and blame it on work pressure or some other random stuff. I know it's not easy walking out of a committed relationship but I advise you strongly consider what the future of your relationship will be like. Sometimes you gotta think with your head instead of your heart hon. And know this- Love is not always enough to make a relationship work.
      What Is Your Relationship Or Marriage Deal Breaker? Click my name to read more and share your thoughts.

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    2. A man who had the nerve to hit you will do it a million times over once he gets a reason to. If I were u, I would walk away but if you want to stay, buy a casket and keep on the side because he will definitely kill u. A broken relationship is better than a short lived life.

      Delete
    3. Or marry him,but anytime he has stress issues,pack out to ur parents house till d demons of beating associated with his stress have passed_over!#ha!#joke
      My dear,pls leave dis man o!cos all I see is a man dat can't handle pressure and stress(btw pressure will always come,except in d grave!)and worst part he transfers his aggression in a very extreme way.
      Marriage is not a do or die affair,another man will come!this is God's sign to u to takeoff,i believe u have been praying.

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    4. The Blessings of the Lord adds No sorrow..†̥ђα̲̅†̥'s all!

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    5. Life, family, work and even friends can give any man stress and even make him so frustrated. It becomes an act to balance all these and still be able to function well. A test of a true man is being able to absorb all these stress and not make it affect his life and loved ones around him. If he's lashed out at you physically now, what guarantee do you have that it won't be repeated. It's not like whatever is causing his bad moods have magically vanished. It's unforgivable what he did and there's no excuse whatsoever. It's easy for us to say leave him jare, but I kinda understand where you're coming from. Though it's risky, test him one day to his limit and see if he'll be physical again. Then my dear you have your answer on whether to stay or leave, and when you do, please tell your heart to take a hike and let your head rule.

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    6. Honey take a walk while you can.
      He does it once, he'll most definitely do it again.
      Mine was verbal abuse, bullying and insecurity.
      It hurts cos I love the guy. He's a ladies man but we're done.
      I just can't deal.

      Delete
  2. Remember a monster tears its ugly head once in a while initially then gets bolder and believe me,it can't be tamed too
    Don't be counted in lineup of sad statistic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If he hit you once,he'll do it again. Run sister,run.

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    2. Now where does forgiveness come in here? We've been asked to forgive and forget. If she walks out I people will say she's not forgiving and forgetting. If she stays her life is at risk.

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  3. Seriously, look well before u leap. I dnt even kno wat to say cos wedding plans are already underway, else I would av told u to take more time and study him before u commence plannin for d wedding. Good Luck

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  4. this is the best time to leave that relationship... you have seen all the signs, most people relax and show their worst characters after marriage. take a bold step and walk out, the guy seems like a coward, blaming the world for his problem.

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  5. If he took out his frustration on you once,you will always be outlet and subsequently your kids.
    You have been warned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. IYALAJE OF SDK BLOG27 June 2014 at 20:36

      My thought exactly.. Once a beater is what? My dear DAT act will occur agn certainly...but this is gonna b hard for her.

      Delete
  6. If he took out his frustration on you once,you will always be his outlet and subsequently your kids.
    You have been warned.

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  7. Forgive him and watch him closely, I believe that people can change "the saying once a hitter always a hitter" is wrong IMO, people change, just like the caring and loving spouse can just change and become a monster, a monster too can change.
    You know your Fiance's personality more than any of us here, most people will tell u to leave him,thats for sure, if u know him well then u will know if yesterday's incident was a one off thing, or something that u knew would always happen,from what you described I think it was the alcohol that pushed him, forgive him and watch him closely, if he tries it again, leave!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I beg to disagree with you on this. They never change. They'll cry and swear with there life.
      In my case I loved him almost more than life itself but I had to walk away. My dear I use my hand break my own heart o; I was shattered but I knew I'd get over him. My head and my heart dey well aligned o my dear...love alone is not enough

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    2. Hmm. My hubby while we were dating had this really terrible bursts of anger and before you can say jack Robinson, has started a fight that always gets bloody. I've even had to bail him out of jail once, that's after begging his victim for a whole day not to press charges. But in all this, he never ever raised a finger towards me and funny I never felt threatened. Now after 9 yrs married and 3 kids, he's much calmer and former situations that gets him riled up now doesn't even anger him again.

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  8. I think ds is just d latest trend. I got beaten by my male colleague recently. This is smone dt almost attempted it d first time nd pple begged for him. He also apologised nd sent text messages apologising. I forgave him. A week later he verbally abused me nd I was determined to report him. I had typed out his offense when I decided to report to my boss. She told me she was going to tlk to him dt u shouldn't mk a formal complaint. Stella to cut d long story short ds guy eventually assaulted me outside my office. I have pictures to bck up my story. Alot of pple say we ladies sometimes push men into doing ds things bt I totally disagree. I av never dated any violent guy. I always stay away from trouble nd it was a shocker when ds happened to me. Cant say much on ds blog...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait... What exactly as the ish between you and this your colleague? Why you? Does he report to you or you guys report to the same person? As he assaulted anybody in your office before?

      Am just trying to think about it all.. As in, what ka fa? U get?

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    2. say the truth,he has had sex with you.that what gives him the nerves to hit you.you better respect yourself. i hv dated a hot tempered person,when the madness start i run away,or i leave him to talk to himself,you know all the proud ekiti guy.i never waited for him to hit me.and the fool is talking abt marriage hahaha is me they wanna use for sacrifice lie lie

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    3. Naturelle you are just a stupid idiot..... You did the same so her story must be same as yours abi? Loud mouthed bitch

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  9. There's always a first time to everything
    This will probably be the first of many beatings to come and he'll always blame it on stress and family ishh which is inevitable.
    Just like aunty Stella said' "look before you leap"

    Cinderella

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  10. I advise you to leave cos he would surely so it again. Leave now before its too late. Shout out to Madame Stella and all blog visitors. The Real Pepper , Queen Linda, Mammy water, Galore, Iphie dearie, Patt Ogar, Dr Oke, Dr Oke's crush and all other people! Happy weekend to y'all!!

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  11. God always has a way of helping us out by revealing things about people in full glare. But because of useless sentiments, we ignore these signs God shows to us and cave into pressure, leading us into A lion's den. God has tried for you o. Its left for you to listen to him or not. If you go ahead to marry this man, you are in serious soup!! He tells you he will slap or beat you. I always take it seriously when a man JOKINGLY says so. He is actually saying the truth. Now he has shown you that he can do it.

    What kind of man pours all his frustratons of the world on you, claming the world has not been fair to him? What did you do to contribute to it? why should he blame you? is he stupid? What does he mean by that? does it look like the world is fair to everybody here? You better RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! If you marry this man, each time he beats you up, you will be blamed for it and surprisingly, you will believe him. You will keep pitying him. He is usng reverse psychology for you and you are there playing dumb!!

    A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE O!! LIFE NO GET DUPLICATE!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. a million like.you will knw people true character when they are under pressure.the man will keep hitting you ,whenever he is frustrated.you shld hv packed your things and left his house but no you still slept in his house.just marry him already cos nothing we will say will change your mind.BTW go and learn teakwando and boxing cos you will need it

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  12. When is your wedding? you might need to call off the wedding if you haven't paid for anything so that you can give the relationship a big break.

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  13. He has shown you exactly who he is. No sane person will "joke" with beating you. Na from clap we dey use enter dance. My ex once for no reason just play tapped me on my face. I just smile for my mind say, oloshi, e funny abi. I dey laugh you too. I just begin dey plot my vamoose. When i left him, he told me i was very foolish to have left him. haha. Imagine. Wetin i for no hear for that marriage if i marry am. Foolish will just be the beginning. My dear, run with your load on your head. The signs are there. He will take it out on you everytime he has problems in his life. He will get drunk and beat you to stupor.

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  14. Na wa oo. Lemme not give any wrong advice here. Let's hear what other blog counsellors have to say. Pele. God is in control.

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  15. Truth is he has always been a woman beater but has managed to control himself which he suddenly couldn't again especially since wedding plans are already on going.poster, he will still beat you, pound you if you get married.its better to be single than die a young married woman.A big writing is on the wall for you to see...well, some girls would ask for advice but know deep down that they wouldn't walk out making you look like enemy of progress.

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  16. Hmmmm....as Stella has written..."look well before you leap" and I reiterate..."look very very well before you leap"! He has started and trust me, this is just the beginning and each time he will cry and apologise until the day your family comes to pick up your corpse #God forbid#

    I am married and trust me, better to look well than commit yourself if you feel walking out is a taboo. NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO TOUCH A WOMAN NO MATTER THE STRESS AS WE ARE THE WEAKER VESSELS!

    I'm out!!!

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  17. my dear, forget d cries, begging and promises - he will beat u again and again, as well as drink alcohol again and again. if u're going on with d marriage plans then be ready to be beaten as well as carry pee and shit of ur hubby when he's drunk. let me inform you that he cannot manage pressures and it will turn him to a beast when pressured. dont allow any excuses, walk now or be READY FOR WHAT COMES AFTER YOUR WEDDING....... Mrs. sam

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  18. I can imagine what it feels like. Since he is apologetic and has promise it will never happen again + its the first time it is happening, forgive him; Give him a benefit of doubt. Sometimes frustration can take a better part of a man. Nne biko forgive ur man and carry on with your wedding plans.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right dear but I suggest she take a break from him.

      Delete
  19. Take a fast and ask God to show you if this guy is really meant to be your husband.
    But come to think of it, hes being stressed up that's why he beat you. In future everytime he is stressed up he will beat you. Cos there is no guarantee he wont.
    Take a break from the relationship and really think. Like you said once married that's it. Don't rush into it, be convinced beyond reasonable doubt you are sure you want to be with him and he is the one. All the best.

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  20. Poster pls pack your echolac bag and leave his house oo. You can only stay if you are a direct decent of Mohammed Ali. Please don't let him reconstruct your skeletal frame like a bad jigsaw puzzle. A broken engagement is far better than a broken face. I once heard of a story of a beautiful young lady who married a wealthy young dude. She had all she wanted but her husband always practised taekwondo and jujitsu on her. It continued until he made her paralysed. Didn't stop there, he pushed her wheelchair off the stairs the day her friends came to see her. I think you should use the exit but you can stay if you like oo. If you want to stay let me also encourage you, there is nothing God cannot do, he can change, prayer is the key, this kind goeth not out without prayer and fasting, etc. I sincerely pray that God gives you wisdom to make the right choice.

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    Replies
    1. Lwkmd! Miss Sap you're too funny. Say na 'if you want to stay let me encourage you', follow type encouragement on top. You're too much babes. You too sabi. Poster think well o. From your post you clearly know what the options are and what the consequences could be in future. Choose well.

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  21. My dear, sorry to say but i think your man has abusive tendencies. he was stressed and moody and then had few alcoholic drinks... and he thinks thats enough excuse for him to purposely look for your trouble and still beat you up inspite of you trying to avoid it.
    The circumstances he was in is one that can occur often esp after the marriage...and if your method of keeping silence and avoiding him couldnt deter him...then my dear, kindly run for your life or else he will use you as an outlet for his life frustrations anytime they occur.
    FYI; its usually the most admired men by outsiders that are devil incarnated on the inside..making it difficult for others to understand what you are going thru when it starts, coz to them..your fiance is an angel

    ReplyDelete
  22. I always tell ladies this: never get married to a boy, marry a man. If you see a guy that has not seen REAL problems and overcome it, he's still a boy. A guy that doesn't know how to handle the pressure that comes from failure in some of life's tests is still a boy. Please, marry someone who has fallen and picked himself up before and is not afraid to fall again; knowing that in life, there are up seasons and low seasons. Trust me, regardless of who you are, in life, dark days will surely come. A man that has been through storms before and survived it as a single man will fare better than a guy who hasn’t been through such before when they get married and have kids. When the single guy that hasn’t been through storms before gets married and down seasons come, he’ll just resort to DV or some other stupid bad habit.. You're very lucky you're getting to see this side of him now before you sign the dotted lines. I believe it is God showing you a sneak peek of what’s in store for you - should you decide to go ahead with your marriage plans. For what it’s worth and for the sake of your sanity, break up with him now and stay away from him. I know it’s hard but trust me it’s a bitter pill that you must swallow to get back your well-being. The decision is yours, but remember that those in DV marriages today always saw the tell-tale signs yesterday and they still went ahead.

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    Replies
    1. 1million likes. God bless u for this comment. Gbam!!!!!

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    2. Poster I hope your reading this!

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    3. On point! God bless you!

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    4. Well said!

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    5. Very well said. Poster let that guy go. A man who can't properly handle the challenges of life without resorting to violence and the bottle is not what you need.

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    6. Bless up Fiery Ray!

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  23. a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
    .
    Like they say nobody is perfect and judging frm everything i read it shows that this dude really loves yu to heart and i think he deserves another chance.....
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

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    Replies
    1. I guess this is the kind of advce you will gve to your sister abi?So a man beating up a woman smply because he is frustrated is an act oof love abi?

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  24. My dear poster once he has started it will continue like that o. Pls think about it, God has already shown you sign that it's a no no. My two scent o!

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  25. Pls guys..I jst got a south african visiting visa that's to expire by September bt wz given only 10days stay instead of 4weeks..pls its there a way i can extend when I get there or wht can I do..cos I won't b able to finish wht I'm goin for in 10 days..tnx.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hide and seek tins.....*wink*

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    2. Wetin u do dem wey dem giv u only 10 days na? U hate Mandela?

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    3. @Paz,this your question get as e be,I'm laughing my head off abeg. Help me ask am well.

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  26. My dear, same as my ex boyfriend. The abuse will never stop trust me. Walk while you're still intact before he disfigures your face.

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  27. My dear....I think this guy has anger management problem......the honest truth is you are the one in the relationship... You know this guy personally.... You only can make a choice to stay or not....
    He may repeat it again he may not...life is a huge risk especially with matters of,the heart..so are you ready to risk being spanked while married?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah Dimples depends on the spanking ooh...bottom spanking is nice ooh
      *runs very very very far away*hehehe

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    2. Hehehehehe..... Not bottom spanking with love......*scratches head* ohooooo....no spoil me iphie... Spank na spank jare.....you know what I mean......

      Na really bottom spanking sweet o abi na nice

      Delete
  28. Eyah. Sorry dear..Well...i'd advice u take a walk now dat u still got the chance to.. a broken engagement is beta dan a broken marriage..my cousin walked out on ha trad day. Cnt begin to narate wot happnd bur he beat her on d mrng of the trad & dat ended it all..d guy's family wr shocked to dia marrow..lol.. A man dat beats a woman is a beast, coward &worse than an infidel..

    ReplyDelete
  29. Once a hitter, always a hitter and he'd continue crying and begging you.
    It's up to you to decide if you can endure the *once in a while* beatings you can go ahead with the marriage but if you can't endure, please its not too late opt out.

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  30. MY DEEAR, HAPU DIS GUY. I KNOW U LOVE HIM BUT TAKE COURAGE AND LEAVE HIM. NOBODY IS HAVING IT ALL SWEET IN LIFE, HE'S PROBABLY DEPRESSED OR WORRIED ABOUT STH BUT WOULDN'T SHARE IT WITH U, RATHER HE TAKES IT OUT ON YOU, WHEN U KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT. LIFE IS STRESS, MARRIAGE TOO WILL COME WITH STRESS AND CHALLENGES AND IS THIS HOW HE WILL RESPOND TO IT? BY BEATING U UP? HONEYMOON LASTS ONLY A FEW MONTHS AND REALITY SETS IN; U DUNT WANA BE A PUNCHING BAG FOR HIM WENEVA HE'S UPSET. UR LIFE WILL BE MISERABLE. AND D LEGAL SYSTEM IN NIG IS UNRELIABLE. DUNT LISTEN TO UR PARENTS AT THIS TIME COS U ARE THE ONE WHO WILL LIVE WITH THIS GUY. THANKGOD U NOT MARRIED YET. BIKO LEAVE HIM.

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  31. If age is still on your side, take a walk. But if you are above 27 just endure . Getting a man to the altar ain't easy nowadays. Suzie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So Suzie, because she might be older than 27, she should marry a man that can kill her after marrage whenevr he is frustrated or angry? Is this the kind of advice you will gve to your sister?

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    2. with this mentality,it cant be easy

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    3. Geez! ! Some Nigerian women and this "marriage for validation" mentality!....With this age thing as reasons for getting married, it's no wonder many marriages are packing up/becoming just a formality these days. I am woman and I shake my head for you anon 6.53

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    4. Na wa o Suzie!there are still very many gud men out there.
      But,be it unto u according to ur faith!#

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    5. Dear Suzie I actually feel sorry for you. This your mentality is just sad.

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    6. Suzie.......i pity your life. you mean desperation to answer MRS can actually push u to marry a monster???? eeyaahhh......pele sogbo??? the mentality of some women,, ehn......e get as e be.

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  32. Hmmmmm….The guy will beat you again, walking away now that you are not married and no kids is the best. Good luck.

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  33. I'm speechless really! But wat if u r married and thinqs crumble more? It means he will always take out his frustrations and miseries on u! In d end its urs 2decide! Pray too!

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  34. More stories be rolling in after more beatings!!
    Nothing justifies beating your woman.. Can he be in such a foul mood and beat his female boss? I doubt!! even if the woman insults his life, he won't.
    The fact that he beat you for no reason at all even makes it worse!! My dear, just tell him it;s ok and take style leave the house and never look back..The man will always beat you! take it now or see for yourself later..

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  35. when did engagement become marriage? stay there o dnt borrow leg and run.

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  36. I will suggest that you both go for an anger management / stress management counselling...I am very impressed at your reasoning because truly, stress will never stop coming up. It is an integral part of our lives but must all learn to handle and manage it well. He is not the only one that needs the classes, u both need to go so that u can learn how to help him de-stress when he is stressed.
    I will advise you postpone the wedding....dont call it off just yet....give him one more chance..he is probably not a monster but he obviously does not know how to manage stress, thus turning to the bottles. ...if after d classes he still turns to bottle when stresssed...then you can take a walk.
    Im writing this from experience, the first and only time my husband slapped me, I called d cops, the prosecutor later said she can see we were a good couple n from the story, someone was obviously stressed up, she demanded him to go for stress n anger management, i attended few classes with him....7 yrs after, he has never again raised his hands on me..i can identify when he is stressed, he has learnt to use his words to express his fears rather than his fist. I have learnt to adjust myself n kids when daddy is upset which seldomly happens now....im grateful to God...I prayed fervently for him then, against spirit of anger....im sure some pple will say y did i called d cops , im glad i did, retrospectively, hubby is glad I did cus our marriage might have been destroyed....dont throw him away yet...thats an imperfection dat you both need to work on...but postpone to give more time to nip this in d bud n be sure it is nipped before u say I DO

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    Replies
    1. Well said @ anon 6.58pm

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    2. Madam your husband slapped you..her boyfriend beat her up!

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    3. Madam you were able to call the cops because you stay in saner climate . He still has the tendency but is scared of the heavy hand of the law. As for the poster, walk away from that marriage or suffer and watch your children suffer from the countless beatings that will surely come. A word is enough.....

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    4. you are lucky you arnt in nigeria.are there such classes here? even if there are the nigerian men wont attend bcos of pride

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    5. A relative attended the anger management class where he paid 50k, two weeks later the pounding resume. May be the thing dey run for his blood ni o

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  37. Ode broken relationship is better than broken marriage, go n ask Uche she will tell u, marriage isn't a do or die affair oooh! D guy is a maniac....my dear sis run for dear life before u die bcos of marriage!

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  38. How long have you guys been dating? If u av been dating for 5yrs and he has never hit u in 5yrs till nw...den u cant draw your inference based on this 1 occurrence. Challenges would definitely occur, but i doubt he would do it again.m

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  39. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.......I wld advice u not to go on with the wedding.......if he can't handle the stress b4 the wedding...then he can't handle after the wedding....what you can't change during courtship would be almost impossible to change when married

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  40. maybe u should provoke him on purpose and watch the extent of his reaction since he has promised not to do dat again.
    then u can now make your decision after that.
    NB make sure you ve an escape route when provoking him o, just incase the unthinkable happens

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  41. Dear Poster,he's gona repeat it again,wait till you guys are legally married..He's a battery..

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  42. My 2kobo is, if you decide to carry on. Please don't come back here and tell us how your husband beats you. You here?

    He is beating you because he is stressed.
    So whenever he gets stressed after the marriage, na so you go dey chop cane? ?

    I repeat, don't come back here and cry oo.

    ReplyDelete
  43. No matter what we say here she wont leave.
    She is looking for validation to stay and "Be patient, marriage is full of ups and downs advice"
    From my experience she wont leave. He is crying begging and blaming the world tomorrow it is you who will be responsible for his misfortunes. Abusers are always apologetic, after the threats its now real, now he is begging tomorrow aftermarriage it will be "Do your worst".
    The poster is already excusing his nonsenseand explaining it, she will go nowhere, she will "manage" and marry him then come in a few years to say "Stella remember me? Had I known"

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    Replies
    1. gbam.women are like that,they knw what they wanna do but will come and ask you for advice and if that advice contradict what they hv in mind they term you jealous

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  44. I honestly think you should give your relationship a break and stay apart for a while. One thing about men is, once they start something, they are prone to continue. Staying away from him for sometime will make him ponder on his actions and think twice of hitting you again. And don't forget to pray...prayer solves all issues.

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  45. Fiancé ni husband ko. You over stayed your welcome in your boyfriend's place and he used beating to tell you. Ladies stop going to LIVE in your boyfriends' houses. If he hasn't paid your bride price, he is still a prospective. How can you go and stay for more than 2 days in a man's house? Well, that's none of my business

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  46. Pepperlicious ose oku,where art thou???????

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  47. Sweetheart i noticed your post on that celibate story. Please be veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy careful but our women are quite desperate. they will not want to let such a man go because of marriage and ''what will people say'' drama. Its your life though, violence is very very real.sophieee

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  48. Pack urs shoes and run for your life, once a beater always a beater, if he has started beating you at this point, he'll strangle you when you guys start facing real life challenges in marriage

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  49. He will hit you again dear.
    Next time it will be worse than this.
    And he will cry more!

    Once he gets married to you,you won't have much choice..time will come when he won't even bother with the tears and stories...

    Personal experience: I once dated this dude who my folks met and liked..we were going to get married..One day he discovered this guy we knew back in school differently(we went to same uni but didn't know each other then) asked me out back then in school. This my intended knew I was keeping myself..but the day he came to see me in the town I was staying,before he confronted me with the issue,he had drank...the bone of contention here was if I kissed the guy back then in school.lol..i thought he was joking ooh,didn't know he had been drinking..i just answered nonchalantly that I couldn't remember(i didn't feel that was even up for questioning,after all he knew I wasn't sexually active. My people,the next thing I heard on my cheek was gbowaiiiii!! I saw the violence in his eyes..he swore that it will never happen again. Begged for days,crawled on the streets,called all my friends,my folks..but I knew he was violent..Am happy I didn't marry him...other things happened and revealed he was evil..
    I held on and my Boo Boo found me(bliss,just bliss)
    Poster,if you have mind,walk away..you will meet that guy that won't lay his fingers on you even when your mouth is running like tap...this one you never even sharp mouth and he dealt with you like this..imagine when issues of life come calling .like you rightly said,you can't promise that there won't be arguments.
    Good luck hun!

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  50. Pls walk out. U are lucky the signs are coming early. U may live to regret it at last. He will definitely hit u harder or even to death if u eventually marry him.

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  51. Stella which one is look before you leap?dnt advice dis girl 2 leave her man o. Frankly speaking. It is wrong dat he beat you up,very very. Its d first time nd he atributed it 2 chalenges.infact he was nice enuf 2 confide in you. He begged cried nd all. Go on wit your marriage plans. Challenges will come watchout!provoke him one more time intentionally nd see wat he does!

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  52. Kai!
    Dis babe is so inlove, see as she's making excuses for d guy.
    1st, it was his 1st time
    2nd it's d acholic drink, n e isn't a drinker.

    Madam, its okay to marry him, nope uv spent too much time togeda to get to dis stage only to break up.
    Plz kindly get a packet of IBUPROFEN ready, for weneva husband to be is stressed, cos u are d stress reliever.

    On a more serious note, if u no u can cope wit d beating, plz by all means, marry him, and conc on d oda favourable attributes WITHOUT COMPLAINTS #ShinesTeeth!

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  53. ... Wishing you the best poster. Let other more experienced BVs advise you on this one.

    Aeegurl...

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  54. Dear poster sorry about your predicament. This is a very sensitive issue but in my opinion I think you should put things on hold and stretch out the relationship. It may be a one off but you can't take the risk. Somehow it seems he's been holding off doing this for a while and just let go! If he's been talking about beating you it could mean that's his nature. Please be cautious for the sake of your future happiness. God bless

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  55. WHAT DO YU WANT? YU JUST LEARNT A PART OF HIM WHEN HE'S FRUSTRATED.I DONT SEE YUR REASONS TO CALLING-OFF YUR RELATIONSHIP. NOW,YU JUST HAD A CASE FILE YU NEED TO STUDY & PERFECT YURSELF ON.
    THE QUESTION IS TO YU NOW,ITS NOT A BED OF ROSES,SOMETIMES THINGS CAN GET REALLY UGLY....ARE YU READY TO TAKE THE PLUNGE?.THERE'S AN EVIDENCE,HE'S NOT A WIFE BEATER BT UNDER FRUSTRATION,YU WLL HAVE TO PROVIDE A PUNCHBAG OR BCOME THE PUNCHBAG....BABE, HE IS THE DEVIL YU KNOW

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  56. Dear Poster pls pls pls WALK away. I know its easier said than done cos ur weddn is close I guess and u love him. But believe me what u will go thru later in that marriage might destroy your life forever. So please talk to your parents about it and remember its your life, ur bed. He had no excuse I don't care if he lost his job that day. And oh don't forget that he will surely hit again.
    Pls let's not forget to pray for our country Nigeria everyday. God bless and keep us safe Amen

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  57. 4 words 14 letters...Run for your life!!!

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  58. If he is the type dt always seem so quite, as in gentle man style, leave asap cos he wnt change rather he will keep blaming his misfortunes on u n u know wot dt means.

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    Replies
    1. It is quiet and not quite. I have corrected this same word on this blog several times nah. Eg: "It is not quite the same. He is a quiet man". *wink. Oya tell me thank you.

      Delete
  59. One word : RUN.. don't marry a man that resorts to using u as a punching bag when he is stressed or down; abusive men never stop.. Once he hits you once he will hit you again.. Pls escape while u can, do not subject your life and your future kids to an unstable man. Ebuka

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  60. My sister run! If you go ahead without teaching him a lesson, he will do it again. Apparently, your fiancé has anger issues. Domestic violence isn't just about him hitting you physically, there's also the psychological and emotional trauma of being ridiculed or spoken to like a lesser being. A man doesn't need all the money in the world to treat a woman right, it starts with respecting her. If you decide to leave,leave with your self respect/esteem intact. Don't be battered,bruised and bitter.

    P.S: pray a lot too

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  61. I do not look twice when a man shows himself in this way. He beat you up and cried and apologised...this is typical of an Abuser. You are not married yet, run while you can. Heck, people run when they are married let alone a single person. Be wise and do not sit there waiting for him to "change". I pray God helps him and he changes but do not sit around and wait for him. You might suffer a few more bruises before he turns a new leaf, if he ever does.

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  62. Cassandra baby27 June 2014 at 20:11

    Hmmmmmmm

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  63. U need sit and think well. Suggestion here isn't d only thing you need. Is just beyond vexing and walking away. I do not support men hitting women vice versa. But just pray, think and God will direct your path. I really feel your confusion. It is well poster.

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  64. Cassandra baby27 June 2014 at 20:11

    Follow ur heart

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  65. Oh bebe, most times they say alcohol makes people do the things they always wished they could do in the right senses. So most times, people drink and its easier for them to carry out their plans. To be frank, I don't really know if I should tell you to run, but I think you have to give yourselves a break. Life being too hard on him is not an excuse to take it out on you. What if life continues to deal with him continuously? Which mean sey you too would be dealt with as he too likes. My dear, make I hand over to others. Stella, I like how you relate with your blog visitors by at least reading through if not all, most of the comments dropped on your site. It shows you connect to us. I didn't read up to this bv's section sef. Thank you.

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  66. If he hits U once, he will hit U again and again. Leave him and let him deal wit his issues first. U r not married to him. U can still leave.

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  67. If he hits U once, he will hit U again and again. Leave him and let him deal wit his issues first. U r not married to him. U can still leave.

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  68. Once a beater,always a beater
    So I heard!

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  69. Sweetie.....ts obvious you like him from your story as you tend to defend him constructively. "He doesn't drink,he only drinks when he's not happy"

    i am sure you know few guys/men that are heavy drinkers so much so that they never assault you sexually or even tap your booty when they are dead drunk. Being drunk and hitting you is an excuse...and more excuses. He took out his frustration on you...PURE AND SINGLE.
    Yes we are human, and hes probably taking most of the wedding responsibilties financially but that does not mean he should hit you. Ok dear

    You have to listen to your inner self, that self that made you post this for advice, that self that made you question "IF" you should call this wedding off.

    in the long run,No one is going to tell you what to do. so do you

    @SDK....you dey instagram

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  70. My dear,once he lift his hands at you once,he will always wanna do it wenever u guyz have a figh...have a rethink b4 u enter into dis marriage stuff.

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  71. Mehn this poster should RUN RUN RUN....
    Don't even look back while running....its still early to leave,forget those crocodile tears...dude will never change...just thank your God that he started early...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bia,
      Ur own advice na so so RUN, RUN for ya life.
      If na so everybody dey run, we for get plenty athletes for nig.
      BTW wu wld marry d abusive men, n giv us stories dat touch?

      Delete
  72. You guys should please stop coming here to ask d same questions every other day. DV is not acceptable, leave him alone! But if you want to stay so u can bear Mrs very soon then be my guest.

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    Replies
    1. Abi o. In the name of answering MRS, she will go ahead and marry him. We have been reminding women times and times again to say NO to DOMESTC VIOLENCE. Women no dey ever hear word.WE ARE ALWAYS ARCHITECTS OF OUR OWN MISFORTUNE. We will come and Start disturbing other people when we refuse to listen.KMT

      Delete
  73. abeg make I borrow anonymous use for dis comment27 June 2014 at 20:24

    U knw him better n u knw in ur heart of heart if it'll happen again or not.
    Wen hubby n I were dating he hit me once n apologized like his life depended on it I broke it off n refused to take his calls. Then he came to my house to beg,after much I took him back n we resumed dating. Four yrs n no kids later he's d sweetest man I've ever known,he has neva touched me,not even wen I slapped him once over a suspicious number I found on his fone(story 4 anoda day). He's been sweet,I knew it wd neva happen again dat was y I 4gave him. In d same vein I once dated a rly sweet guy too,he neva hit me but some tins he said(out of joke) made me knw he cd hit me n continue it,6yrs later he's married to a frnd of mine n I see d damage he does to her,n she's like "its not possible for a man to to hit his wife" he nearly even hit her on their weddin day.
    So its left to u,do u rly think it'll happen again? Don't answer dat question wit sentiment.good luck dear

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  74. Once à woman beater,always à woman beater!One Word for ur guy-COWARD!N for u dear,RUN Baby RUN!

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  75. He will do it again, marriage is a very serious committment.. Use your brain o

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  76. poster please run for your life na from clap person dey enter dance

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  77. TRINA love, please don't be hard on her,i understand how she's feeling cause have been there.Poster i suggest you watch him close for a while and bear if you must,but if am being ctitical i will say you should just take a walk cause every woman deserve the best.

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  78. Nne no oo please start loving him from afar!! I'm sure you'll find a better person. Please leave oo you will soon become 'it was a mistake' God forbid!! I'm sure you'll find a better person soon .

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  79. I dont comment. I am a man. A married man and I have lots of male friends.My advice is simple. Please, do not marry this guy.

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  80. I doubt if this lady will listen to all these advice.I dnt usually like advisng ladies who are blindly in love. You can see she even felt pity for the guuy as he begged.She loves to be beaten and begged. And iam afraid that is what will keep her glued to this guy. Ladies are usually stupid when in love. Its a lost cause advising them.

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  81. Life is full of challenges. How is he sure that challenges that are bigger than the one he is currently facing will not happen in the future. There is no excuse for hitting a woman. My dear, the decision is yours. Pray for God's guidance. Rose

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  82. My dear, I think you should read the DV diaries. If you want to save yourself from permanent hurt and misery, leave this shameless beater and find a better man that will treasure you. It may be so difficult to do so now, but in the next five years you'd be so happy you did... Trust me.. Since it seems you are now his avenue of relieving stress, it will be the best that you leave. All the best!

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  83. Babes,,pls walk away now cos tomorrow might just be too late. The way we handle our challenges goes a long way and even defines our personality. Marriage comes with its own challenges,,and ups and downs are just a part of life's spices.....Now the question is: Is this how ur man will continue to handle life's challenges and marital issues(if you marry him) and take his anger out on you??? If the answer to the first question is yes(which is most likely),,are you ready to become a man's punching bag or his means of expressing anger and displeasure???

    He has done it once and will most likely do it over and over again. pls be wise!!!

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  84. Same ol' same ol'. Ok nah. Run ( who go catch you), take a walk ( na exercise?where u wan waka reach?), tempt him again (this one go be one blow, seven akpus. Ask egor), be patient (until wetin go come happen?), leave him (who go come enter one chance for im hand?)pray (ok naa but remember to pray for Naija too). Which amongst this do you choose to do, since you've already defended him.

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  85. Please house, i need a job seriously, i am a Graphics Artist and also an Admin Person, i am open to any kind of job to put food on my table, please help your brother, don't let me die of hunger, my email is emeperorking2@gmail.com tel: 07038541721

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  86. NOTE:WHATEVER IS AN ISSUE BEFORE MARRIAGE CAN ONLY GET WORSE AFTER UNLESS OF COURSE BOTH OF ATTEND SOME SERIOUS COUNSELLING CLASSES.

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  87. I'm just gonna say this: a man who is raised by a queen will treat every woman like a queen - a man who is raised by a monster..... Well, go figure! And a woman who finds herself with a monster and stays - is equally a monster on the inside... #simplysaid!

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  88. I am not a fan of domestic violence, so I will say NO to this. Once bitten, na 100 times......... complete am poster. I pray for wisdom for u.

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  89. Seriously,it's time women start learning taekwando and karate, cos if men knw dt dia women can fight, they will think twice b4 using them as a punching bag(s).

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  90. Same thing happened to me...he cried nd apologised nd swore wiv d holy bible dat he wouldnt hit me again so i went ahead nd married him.....lo nd behold he hit me worse dan d last tym on our 1st yr anniversary,i can neva forget cos i had to wear dark shades for a week.....i am happily a single mum now....*poshbabe*

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  91. Thank you so much Stella. Thanks to all SDK's. Its a relief reading your comments. I left his place today and told him I need my alone time.

    I have taken to the prayer option, I really need Gods guidance. I advised him to go for counselling and try to forgive everyone he felt have wronged him. For me now, I need time to think and plan my life from hEre. Thanks once again

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  92. It is probably a coincidence that I watched a film (a true story) entitled "Murdered by my boyfriend" last night. She was literally murdered and yes, by her boyfriend and baby father...

    All I will add to everyone's comment is that you are worth much more than you are giving yourself credit for. If he has stress (like the rest of us), he needs to understand that you are on his side and not against him. If he doesn't then he shouldn't have asked you to be his wife!

    Not worth the stress, baby girl, its a love thing, not a pain thing...

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  93. I swear down, he's gonna hit you again.
    You better sit up or walk.

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  94. This poster is old enough to discern right from wrong! Leave the scumbag! but if you love him and want to hang on to your relationship, please scroll up and heed to Pink Shell's advice........ All the best!

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  95. Even if wedding plans are in top gear and commitments made, postpone for now, don't call it quits but postpone., explain to your vendors. Having to wait another one year won't kill you.

    Both of you should go for like 6 months counselling, it is not a matter of him crying and promising never to hit you.He needs to be counselled on stress management, anger management, being a man and husband, patience etc

    Lets not write him off completely cuz he slapped you, let's give him the benefit of doubt. Though he strikes me like a violent guy cuz i don't understand why he constantly jokes about hitting you.

    It is even good he exhibited this traits before marriage, what if he did this after, confide in one or 2 family members explaining the need to postpone the wedding for now. Do not force things to happen, watch him, do not be desperate, shine your eyes, better to have a failed relationship.All the best and stop making excuses for him.



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  96. A young girl married a young man who had a temper while they dated. She complained about it and he would beg and promise to change. yearssssssssssss later they got married but his behaviour never changed. He continued with his shouting and beating when the need arose. The one that broke the carmels back was a severe beating she recieved, it was sooooooo bad her arm was dislocated. Only then did she pack her things and leave her matrimonial home. She swore never to return back to the home. She left her children about 3 or 4 of them. The man continues to train them till date, he has not married another wife or brought another woman home. The woman lives somewhere on her own and sees her children often. Her arm is healed but a finger from the affected arm remains useless till this day. Ladies please be very very careful. This is a family i know personally, i dont mean to scare anyone but i'd rather push aside an impending marriage and trust God for a man who will not lay a finger on me. Peace is indeed priceless. Ask the married women . Sophieee

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  97. Dear Girl... I am someone who's experienced domestic violence from a relationship.
    This guy I would rightly say was every girls dream man, he was popular, good looking, and had everything going for him oh, I thought I had found my Prince Charming.
    Till the day he gave me the first slap of my life, it did not stop there after all the crying, begging and pleading.
    He would do it again and cry like a baby, making up different stories of stress, blaming everyone else.
    Girl walk away for your self now before it gets too late.
    My story is that I walked away and now I have my peace of mind.
    I don't live in fear of some man laying his hands on me or questioning where I go or what I do.
    I am married now and I have my peace. I can't imagine living with a husband that would hit me everyday.

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  98. Dear poster, you are not the exception to the rule; you are the rule . In this rule, the victim gets beaten and beaten till there is an intervention (death or packing out).

    Dont think of the cost, dont think of what people will say, just get out of it. Believe me we Nigerians forget faster than you think . The next muscician embarrasing us at the Bets award and your gist is history. Friends will talk, pple will ask " but why?" Ehn ehn ! Should dat make you sacrifice your life?

    I believe deep down you know what to do. I pray you find the courage to do the needful .

    Cheers!

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  99. Dear poster, you are not the exception to the rule; you are the rule . In this rule, the victim gets beaten and beaten till there is an intervention (death or packing out).

    Dont think of the cost, dont think of what people will say, just get out of it. Believe me we Nigerians forget faster than you think . The next muscician embarrasing us at the Bets award and your gist is history. Friends will talk, pple will ask " but why?" Ehn ehn ! Should dat make you sacrifice your life?

    I believe deep down you know what to do. I pray you find the courage to do the needful .

    Cheers!

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  100. Babe for goodness sake, y are you making excuses for a man that physically & psychologically took out his frustrations on you?
    I will not make such excuses for my husband because he will take responsibility for his actions not to talk of a fiance abi boyfriend.
    Continue to make excuses ok? Until you find yourself at death door because believe you me, this life ain't fair to anybody & your yeye bobo will continue to use you to relieve stress. Inukwa! Call off the wedding plans & tell your parents why you did that & see if they won't give you there full support (my people will treat his fuck up join sef). Don't allow people to use your age as a yardstick cos you are better off as single & still living full of God given potentials than married & living in bondage & hell.

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  101. PD Young Billionaire28 June 2014 at 02:48

    Get over this relationship already!!

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  102. The one thing i can never ever accept in a union is physical abuse. Its not healthy for the kids, it will poison their minds and create in them the wrong impression about marriage.

    If the coward could beat you over such stupid excuse, then my dear brace yourself for series of beatings to come.

    Yoy already know what the future is going to look like for you guys. Use your tongue and count your teeth.

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  103. This is the scary part. Him using you as an aggression absolver is a no no. Let him go and join a boxing group or something or buy a boxing bag which he can box whenever he feels like venting his frustrations on someone.
    You deserve better
    You are God's beautiful creation. Don't let one man rearrange your life and destiny because you feel you are in love.

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  104. What convinces me that he is an abuser was his failure to take responsibility for his action and went blaming it on the world and others.
    One who blames others for his actions and decisions is not ready to be a man.
    Me I bet 1000$ poster will "pray" and say "God revealed his is the one for me".
    The truth is most women know what they are getting into but marry to cover shame

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  105. Real men don't hit women.

    I was engaged to an unreal man who hit me in the presence of our 2 years old. Pushed me out the door with me holding the baby. Didn't care the child saw the violence.

    I went to work sometimes with bruises and pain on my legs and arms.

    Even while I was pregnant, he twisted my arm, pulled me from the bed almost yanking me off of the bed. He threatened he would put cannabis in my tea while I was pregnant. 2 wks after giving birth, I found myself on the floor. He pushed me. 1 hour later he sent me a text saying he loves me and the child.. he was sorry.

    I take pictures of my injuries but delete them because he would apologise later. Today, I regret that I deleted those pictures but I still have a few.

    Silly me, I stayed on because I was scared, I didn't leave because of our child. With people in authority saying "a child needs the father"

    And no one believed me because the monster would pretend the face of an angel.

    I stayed until the night he attempted to suffocate me with a duvet. I saw black...then I realised "a child needs his mother"... My child needs me.I need to stay alive for my child!! No one would love/care for my child like me!! I called the police!! but they let him off because they didn't believe me... even my then lawyer asked me if I wasn't the one that bumped myself against a table or something. Only him, me and God know the truth. plus his best friend who he confessed his evil act to.

    I gave back the ring...It is not worth my life.

    Today, I sleep with my eyes closed, no bruises, no pain. I am only concerned for our child who visits him and comes back complaining that father hits and yells at him...Authorities still say "Child needs the father".They said they can not prosecute till they find bruise on the child.

    So poster, this is just a bit of my story. Just make certain the ring your fiance is offering you does not come with a lifetime of pain.

    D.

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  106. My Sister, go and read the domestic violence dairies Stella has on the right side of her page, I think it will help you.

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  107. Poster, guess u r waitinng for God to come down personally and tell u that it won't work with that woman beater u call ur boyfriend. God has shown u signs that it won't work and u r here making silly excuses for ur boyfriend. That he has challenges doesn't justify his beating you. Challenges will always come in life cos life is full of ups and downs. So for every time he faces a challenge, he will take it out on u. Pls walk of that relationship before u end up like Reeva Stekamp. Better walk away before ur situation degenerates to oscar pistosis( d fear of using the bathroom in ur boyfriend's house)

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  108. Poster u knw him more than we do so I will advice u postpone the wedding and watch him first
    Cause all men hv that beast in them
    Wish u luck on what ever you decide

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  109. I am usually wary of men that let their emotions swing to the extreme, I don't want to conclude but there's a 90% chance that he is abusive and he will do it again. Be watchful and pray it's still early so can take a decision on how u want ur life to end up. Ur safety first I beg u.

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  110. Forgive the epistle but I have promised to share my story with every woman facing DV or the threat of it, in the hope that we can stop entering into evil hands.

    Poster, eti e melo? How many ear u get? Don't break engagement, don't postpone marriage. End that relationship now! These abusers do not change! It gets 10,000 times worse when you are married and worse still when you have kids and he thinks you cannot leave bcos of that. I went through it for 10 years b4 God delivered me. The pain of marriage breaking after all that suffering and impact on kids is better imagined than felt; particularly when you know you walked into the trap against all advice and common sense in the name of love.

    And at the time he first hit me (when we were dating), I broke up with him o! We went through 3 month separation during which he brought everyone to beg and swear it would never happen again, he was now changed. Mesef I chop mugu com marry am. Fast forward to 1st year of marriage; I recall coming home from my aunt's house at 8pm (with nanny and baby in tow), having left him at home to visit my aunt at about 1 pm. He asked why I was so late and I said I thought I could spend some time with my aunt since he knew where we were. I asked why he didn't call me if he wanted us back much earlier, I would have come.

    The next thing I knew slaps raining down; me lying on floor, him sitting on me and choking my neck till I blacked out. It became worse after that o - plates thrown at me for not serving food appropriately, beatings and abuse for coming from work after 6 pm, beatings for not greeting well, for not answering my phone (I was in a meeting)...list is endless. I remember being dangled over the balcony (1st floor) and informed that he will drop me, I will die and nobody will ask him anything. Na sorry everybody go talk. Na im I come begin beg for my life o! Begged to be left alive to take care of my kids. God saved me. Many more horror stories of abuse verbal, emotional, physical, public, private, local, international, you name it. My husband was able to dish it.

    I stayed bcos it was tough to leave and ‘deprive’ my kids of father and complete home + it was my Christian and wifely duty to stay. Believe me, a marriage (even to the devil himself) is extremely hard to get out of. God helped me and he found or ‘fell in love’ with his next victim and kicked me and my kids out. For which I am so grateful to God. As for that girl, she has snatched her own punishment. Na to dey pray for am from far.

    I share my story to show you that this thing is not what you need to hang about working out if you have not entered the trap yet. Abuse is about the abuser and he can’t stop unless something drastic happens to him. Don't put yourself and your unborn kids through this. I take God beg you. Wait. You will meet someone with whom you can have a real marriage not a battlefield. Better to have broken marriage plans than broken life (plus broken kids) after years of suffering. You can’t imagine how much I regret bringing my kids into this situation. Save yourself and your unborn kids now o!

    That love will clear from your eyes sharparly when you enter and see living in bondage. Take your ear hear word now o! B4 dem take beating perforate am for u. God bless u Sis.

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  111. Hi stella,

    i will advise the lady to postpone the wedding and watch him closely.let me share a personal experience.
    while growing up, i use to pick on my immediate younger sister and would equally hit her on the slightest provocation, then one day i spoke to myself if i keep hitting her it means i would loose my self esteem and also hit my woman when i eventually get married. Believe me that was the last time i ever touched her.
    i dated my wife for 8years and we are married for 2years now and i have never raise my hand on her.
    what i'm trying to say is. People change and please the most important is Marrying someone who equally fears God.He doesn't have to be a church sycophant but he must fear and respect the principles of God.
    Thank you

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  112. I was once a victim of domestic violence. Men will continue to apologize and blame it on stress, family challenges, and the common one 'devil'.The day I make up my mind to walk of our home and till now I never looked back.He begged, everybody begs.Never and never.Domestic abuse makes a woman incompetent, gives her low self esteem..No to Domestic violence.

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  113. My dear forget taboo. Even those that marry after years they divorce. Won't you rather marry the right person from the onset? Don't listen to anyone because they will not be there with you in that marriage. Leave now. You are young and single everyone wants to have a piece of you too. Don't sell yourself short.

    ReplyDelete

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