I'm a young woman in my early 30's,been married for 9 years and been with my hubby for a total of 11 years,hubby is in his mid 40's and we've got 4 fantastic kids together.
My story is quite long but I'll spare you and my fellow SDKer's the bore.You see in 9 years,I've suffered emotional and physical abuse,mostly emotional,he insults my mum and siblings not to their faces though.even in front of kids,he curses me.When he goes thru financial troubles,he blames me,anything bad that happens 2 him,he blames me,to him I'm a WITCH as far as I'm concerned.
This is a man I've stuck it out for time and time again,I've supported him unconditionally.I don't nag or trouble him,never cheated,I've been a good wife.He has turned me into a wreck,a woman without a voice,a slave..
I made a decision this year to leave and I made my intentions known to him last week.He's not taking it well at all ,he's really disturbed and worried.He has promised to change but the v unfortunate thing here is that I've got no more love for him and my mind is made up.I've told family members and they've had a few meetings with him,but my response still remains NO.
Only dis morning my mum who means the world to me called and told me that if i leave my marriage,she will have nothing to do with me again as long as she lives.I've been in utter shock cos to an extent she knows what I've been through.She said ‘’please stay for your kids sake,I stayed with your dad for your sake’’..
My hubby said if I leave he will take the kids and I agreed,my mum says I can't leave my kids in d hands of another woman as they are all under 9 that I must endure...
Even if he changes,the love is gone.How do I live with a man I no longer love and how can my mum give me such conditions?
please I want only sensible advice and YES for 9 years I've prayed and fasted so don’t suggest it .
thank you..
*i am short of words in this case......Why dont you leave him with the kids first and go on holidays somewhere alone to clear your head first?
God sees your heart and knows your struggles poster.
ReplyDeletePut it to God n he'd give the final say.
James 5:11 says-As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
Hmm... My suggestion is, why not try a temporary separation? Your husband. Seems to be showing some remorse and maybe a desire to change.
DeleteFor the sake of your children and all the years you've shared, why not give him another chance?
Let the period of separation be a time of working through the issues that caused the problems in the 1st place, going for counselling; think of it as a second courtship.
Who knows, those dead emotion can be rekindled. Don't give up just yet. Give it another try, and if that doesn't work, may God show you your next course of action. I wish you well.
I agree wit u Nki n Stella try separating temporarily 2 get ur head cleared. As 4 ur mum, its an empty threat she will come arnd. Goodluck wit woteva decision u take n I hope it all ends well.
DeleteStella did u say she shud go on holidays? What if she comes back to meet another woman in d house? That one na anoda GOBE ooo.. Madam pls listen to ur Mum, na she knw wetin she see ooo... Make ur mata no go later b "HAD I KNOWN" #mypieceofadvice #okbye
ReplyDeleteU need space
ReplyDeleteHmn...my own marriage is just 3 yrs old and I'm tired already. Hubby treats me like I don't exist. Hardly has time for d kids and I. Always tired and never around on weekends. D love has dwindled and I'm counting my remaining days in his home. God knows I have tried to make things work and I'm tired.
ReplyDeleteso far he doesn't beat you and he gives you money for house keep,please be happy.
DeleteThat he doesn't beat her and give her money 4 house keep is that how a hpy marriage is measured. Fool! Go and learn how to manage ur home if u av one.
DeletePoster,does he beat you??does he cheat on you??...if the above questions is no,then you don't have a reason to leave...remember,marriage is for better and for worse...
ReplyDeleteMy dear,you have to endure ohh...OR are you eyeing someone else outside??
Nothing dey there ohh...like Stella said,take a break,go on a vacation and cool your head....
Don't suffer your children because of your own selfish desire...
Lastly,stay and work things out with him...
Lindaeze,didn't u read wher she said she's sufferin 4rm both emotional and physical violence???so wot does dat means???
DeleteIn other words I hav been so scared of settling down wit my fiance, I kip telling him to hold on but truth be told, I just don't knw if I can live wit a man, take directives from him, bcome selflessness and all for the rest of my life. Plz mothers in the house how can I change this mindset. He wanted our wedding to be last year I said no this year bt I don't think so now again. We both lov each other and all, plz help me
DeleteLinda;that for better for worse is neva for me at all..just imagine what she has been going through for nine years and u are sayings its for better and for worse...this is no longer for worse but the worstest(English kill me)..u see that aspect of insulting her and her parents even in front of her kids,its just unacceptable..no man in his right senses would do this..for me I would simply give @ poster the advice for a divorce cos when love is lost in a marriage;it can hardly be built back and intact just like before..@ poster;don't call ur mum on phone,go to where she lives and spend like 3 days with her then have a discussion with her and state ur reasons to her reasonably as u stated here..unless she doesn't want ur happiness,that would be when she would still give u the condition of staying with ur husband no matter what(even if it would cost ur life)..beta still if later on u ve a change of mind to stay in ur marriage,then I wish u well...NOTE:don't do things cos of society or what they would say..ur happiness and that of ur kids matters a lot now..choose wisely and remember that a Divorce is always legal
DeleteLinda;that for better for worse is neva for me at all..just imagine what she has been going through for nine years and u are sayings its for better and for worse...this is no longer for worse but the worstest(English kill me)..u see that aspect of insulting her and her parents even in front of her kids,its just unacceptable..no man in his right senses would do this..for me I would simply give @ poster the advice for a divorce cos when love is lost in a marriage;it can hardly be built back and intact just like before..@ poster;don't call ur mum on phone,go to where she lives and spend like 3 days with her then have a discussion with her and state ur reasons to her reasonably as u stated here..unless she doesn't want ur happiness,that would be when she would still give u the condition of staying with ur husband no matter what(even if it would cost ur life)..beta still if later on u ve a change of mind to stay in ur marriage,then I wish u well...NOTE:don't do things cos of society or what they would say..ur happiness and that of ur kids matters a lot now..choose wisely and remember that a Divorce is always legal
DeleteBube,you need a deliverance...*Spiritual husband at work...*rme
DeleteSmall martins well done u get sense for ur young age keep it up,u even get sense pass madam big mouth.
DeleteDo u hav a job? 1st tin 1st
ReplyDeleteSori to say this.no insult intended,but does ur mum really love u?if u die of depression or something along dat line,wont anoda woman dat she is talkn abt come and take ur place.i am strongly of d opinion dat u shld leave him however i dont want u to leave ur children behind cos they are young,cant u take them with u.do u have some money saved up ?so at least u can travel somewhere with the kids?i hope u have not been giving him everythjg u have for d past 9yrs?if u dont have anything yet,then pls sit down and strategise,dont rush anything,cos i wont want u or ur children to go hungry.trust me,leaving a man takes adequate planning and strategising.some women even take up to a year,just so dat everything works out well and u wont have to come back and beg him.i am i support of u leaving him for your own sanity but i am not in suppport of ur decision to leave ur children behind.which woman wud readily welcome 4kids?tink abt it.and we wud be here if u need more advice as u go on.GOOD LUCK
ReplyDeleteThis is a very sensible and matured advise. Never commented here be4, but cldnt help myself wen I read this. Thank you for this. Poster pay attention to what this person just wrote here.
DeleteThank you jare. You want to leave 4 children behind just like that,how selfish of you, did they ask to be born? You aren't happy in your marriage but you kept popping out kids till you had four of them,now you want them to suffer because you are not happy. What kind of mother does that? Better think we'll and organise yourself better before you leave.
DeleteWait, you agreed to leave your children? To be possibly brought up/abused by another woman?
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of mother are you?
Worst worst, get separate bedrooms if you can't stand him that much
U dummy can't u read she's tired, her cup Is full and pouring.she doesn't mind giving her arm just to be happy n hv inner peace.U can't buy peace oh!
DeleteThis is serious gobe !!!
ReplyDeletesimilar case here hmmm I am feed up with mine too. I am praticaly the bread winner. He works but always complain that his salary is not enough. He abuse my parents too. mocked me about my past relationship because I told him everything.
ReplyDeleteWe have 2 kids, I clothe them, buy food in the house. I work three days a week and get working and child tax credit. He thinks that since I get all these money for the kids that I am responsible for their upkeep.
I have no single love for him anymore .He complains I don't initiate sex, how can I when am emotionally disconnected from him. I never deny him sex but he wants me to initiate it.
I make sure his food is ready all the time. I can take care of my kids alone but his family don't want me to leave, his mum said if I leave he will commit sucide that am God sent to his son.
He keep malice unessesary.always wants to be begged. I
So my dear I understand what you are going thru. If I leave this man. I will wash my hand off men.
Marital issues right,left and centre.. we single ladies should just calm down.tke things easy,to avoid had known..Officialy not interested in marriage for now..Prob just too much.Poster please calm down nd give it another shot,don't rush things,just cuz of the KIDS biko..
DeleteNa wa oooh. So many broken homes on rampage. May God see u thru Nne
DeleteMy dear this type of marriage is very common in uk. The question is did u take care of his financial needs while courting cos thats where it started. You gave him d opportunity to leavr it all to u. Mrs O
DeleteYour are not alone. I have no feelings for my partner too because he's very abusive towards me and very selfish now I don't find him attractive again. As a mum of two, sometimes I do have flings becos I can't die of boredom.
DeleteNa wa ooo marital issues everywhere. which kind life be this self? I had to turn down a marriage proposal cos I wouldn't want to experience issues in the long run. To him he feels I want to make all the money in this world b4 I settle down, not knowing I am only laying a foundation fr myself and my future kids to fall back on . Reading issues like this really makes me so scared of venturing into marriage. Worst of all, I rather be a single mum. @paster and anon 10:13, the Lord is your strength, for me, seperation (temporary) is the only way out. Give him space.
DeleteTell his mum to call him to order then, where did our generation go wrong????
DeleteHe beat you? No! Only say hin dey tell you bad bad words wey they vex you! Learn to grow metal skin!No allow those bad words affect your mmarriage! Sometyms learn to ignore him when he pour out those unimaginable words on you! With tym he will learn to stop especially when he sees that you are no longer moved by such words! Learn this! As long as he is not hitting u, siddon there jeje! As for your mum, you know nau! No mother wants to see her child return back home after giving them out for marriage! Abi you don find another boyfriend ni? Btw no advice is insensible! Pick the ones you want and jump over the rest!
ReplyDeletePepper ose oku!
Poster no offence but obviously ure beginning to like some one else...for u to agree to leave him with ur kids.I believe u shld go ona vacation wt ur kids.like a week or two.den come back and see if u can still try.but if u dey go d vac no contact ur new crush....cos ure obviously liking someone else. *rme
DeleteU obviously can't read, silly girl
DeleteShe can read, problem is she can't understand. You see, that's a big problem.how dare you insinuate such Sylvia?
DeleteThe Alex
Bush rats! @anonymous and the Aex! there, so as no fit read, what effort have you made to make me read and understand what poster meant? As una sabi every, wetin una dey here dey do? See them, old school headmaster/headmistress! Teaching the baba Ajasko style!
DeletePepper ose oku!
Stupid anonymous dat can read better keep ur insultive tongue to urslf.
DeleteThe Alex how dare she accept to leave her kids with him cos she wants to leave...if she's leaving she shld take her kids abeg.I don't support staying in a marriage cos of d kids,if ur life is at stake..u march!!! But wt ur kids.
Sylvia, she has a right to leave her kids if they will be better off with him for a while and return for them later like she said! You can't possibly love her kids more than she does now can you? Only have a problem with your accusations!
DeleteThe Alex
Way too many BV are living in sad marriages,
ReplyDeletePlz if there are appreciative wives on this blog.
And you know deep down your husband dey try.
Plz be grateful and send ur stories to stella.
Lets try and be neutralizing all these sad tales.
ALL MEN CAN NOT BE DIS BAD!
MY FATHER IS A GOOD MAN!
May una give single girls hope biko.
@Stella, am not being insensitive, plz be givin these stories appropriate time, its too early. AM WEAK!
@ Madam, #Kpele!
Asin ehn,d tin tire me sef o,seriously,nice opinion o,dats y I follow dis page *marriage is beautiful ,dem de give u hope wella
DeleteExactly Pinkshell, we really need goodnews to neutralize this bad bad tales.marriage no dey sweet me again biko..kedu ife bu ifee..kai!
DeleteMy dear, ur not as weak as I am o. Are all marriages bad? Plz make una gv us singles hope small.
DeleteNice 1. What I think women need to tackle is the sort of men they rush into marriage with. Most of the marriages nowadays are just not natural. Is either the wife entered into in in a desperate manner or the husband tricks the woman into the marriage just to eat and dry up the babe money. If we keep ignoring this points and dancing to wedding every Saturdays ; then let's keep calm and expect more of the domestic violence.
DeleteLmao pinky. Well you know am a good man? Olachi knows that too.
DeleteFaithoverfear
Stella is a feminist. She doesn't need to be posting all these nonesense untrue stories while she still stays and enjoys her own marriage. Funny enough most of the women posting all these stories aren't being entirely truthful. No man marries a woman to maltreat her. Some women are evil while some disrespect their husbands yet they come here to claim saint. That was how the one that married a lebanese and wanted to give birth to a halfcast came here to tell her own lies. I know u won't post this but atleast you read it.
DeleteI think I agree with you Pink shell.
DeleteThe stories I read here leaves me wondering if I'm one of the lucky few who married a good man that loves and respects me,my family and our marriage. Since I got married I have never had any serious issues with my hubby, just a lil argument and misunderstanding here and there which we resolve within a short time.
@Poster, he promised to change right? Why not give him a second chance and see if he will really change (don't ever allow him hit you again). Make him understand you are willing to stay back only if he changes for good.
Meanwhile I suggest you both should see a marriage counsellor ASAP. Does your husband know God? Does he fear God? Draw him closer to God. You both need God in your life.
If he starts fearing God, a lot will change for good in his life.
Marriages are filled with ups and downs, ask our parents. It's our ability to face and tackle our marital problems that makes our marriages what it is.
You both should make concious efforts to always respect and tolorate each other, with time, I hope everything will work out well and the love you both once shared will resurface a thousand folds.
But if you must leave, please go with your kids. Don't leave them to suffer in the hands of another woman. It's only a woman that can take proper care of her kids.
Hmmmm, but this one you agreed to leave your kids behind, I hope you are not already having an affair or something cos it's strange to hear a woman agree to leave her kids behind so easily.
May God give you the grace and wisdom to do the right thing.
The Lord is your strength.
Nne, marriage is not easy o. Even when you are with your God-sent husband it's still a lot of hard work. My hubby is a good man but as a human being he has his faults just like me, but I can't say same for my dad. My dad was terrible to my mom and it put a dread for marriage in me then but I thank God for the kind of man he gave me. My advice is for you to know what you want and go for it.
DeleteMy father was a wonderful husband n father,my 3 sisters-in-law talk about ao lucky n blessed they are to marry my brothers..am seriously workin on myself too n am very sure my future mother in law will pray for me everyday n thank God for sending me to her daughter n thank my parents for raisin such a good youngman
Delete@Pink shell, this Is the first time you make sense, if you will continue like this trust me the sky will be your starting point!
Delete@pinkshell I tire o,d stories I read here tire me,I thank for blessing me with a good man and also my marriage. Na wa o.
DeletePoster give him a little space,try to forgive him and see him from a diff side,dis one he has promised to change. Do not leavev ur child under the care of another woman and as @Genny baby advised,pls u guys shld see a marriage counsellor
#Seconded! D thing don too much. All men can't b that bad na??? Ahah
DeleteIF HE SUDDENLY BECOMES A BILLIONAIRE, I KNOW SAY YOU WILL START FEELING LOVE.... MAY BE BY THAT TIME IT WILL BE HIS TURN NOT TO FEEL LOVE ANYMORE....WOMEN
ReplyDeleteDon't mind the yeye woman, na one man don dey deceive am outside. By the time she leaves her marriage and another girl enters, she will be the first to write to stella and say another nuella has broken her home. Seems things aren't going too right for the man now and that's why she wants to leave. Her eyes will soon clear. This is why we single good men are afraid to get married. No good woman out there to marry, all they do is marry 2day and run off 2moro when they face any little challenge. I think its better to remain single and have baby mama.
DeleteStory. U are as insecure as the poster s husband. Shey na money go make you a complete. Rubbish! All these stupid men that think money s everything. Oga abeg go park well. Even u be trillionaire with this bad character u are less than a real man. He doesn't have n he is this bad, if he is a billionaire tomorrow, he will do worse. So guy PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP!
DeleteAnon 11:59: Exactly! You speak no lie. They're the type that money worsens their character. God forbid bad thing
DeleteTake Stella's advice, go on holiday to clear your head and then if you still feel the same way after the holiday, do what your heart desires. I don tire to de hear all this marriage palava.
ReplyDeleteMy sister, e no tire you reach me...
DeleteOh lord marriage matter everyday! Am sick of dis ooooooo. Madam dnt mind ur mother,she dosnt love you,U shld stay in dat abuse,wen d same children she's talkn about can stay at d boarding house,til u get settled somwher else! Plsss leave now,b4 he gets violent ooo. He can't change .Another man wil cherish u,its jst d matter of time,ul be fine.Men alwys tink der d best tin dat can happen to women,I pray God wil bless me wit a God fearing and the man God realy choose for me,I pray my luck for a good husband will come in it wil be permanent,amen. PERSONA PERSON (PP) salute stella.
ReplyDeleteMy only question to the poster is:is itt dat he started being abusive suddenly or he has always being like dat?if it has been on since,then why didnt u walk away when u had one or two kids?why now?i wouldn't blame ur mum cos leaving behind 4kids to the unforseen isn't wise.i just hope it's not like another man is distracting u outside already....pls don't be like a proverbial duck dat leaves it's kids at d slightest chance.cos the way u sound,i have a feeling ur hubby isn't dat bad!
DeleteGet five love languages by Gary chapman or if u can't buy it Like dese pages on facebook* marriage is beautiful* and *Garychapman*,go 2ru their previous posts even upto 2010 den ur marriage wil b whole again,pple hav gone 2ru worst situation dan u nd de come out strong,its all abt sacrifice,wen u read pple's story on marriage is beautiful den u knw dat even d whites ar ready 2 keep deir marriages,Gudluck
ReplyDeletePoster I second dis
DeleteAnd also like this page on facebook 'Together 4 Ever'.
Deletemadam let me ask you a question? do you work? do you contribute to the homefront? most men blame their wives when the chips are down especially when they are the sole provider and the wife contributes veryyy little or nothing.
ReplyDeleteTry to add to the homefront if you've not been doing so. then consider a vacay with the kids, you both need some space away from each other to re-build lost love stolen by pressure tension and frustration.
if all of this doesn't work, situation aint changing and the love is not re-igniting, carry your kids and run!
#yes I said so!
madam let me ask you a question? do you work? do you contribute to the homefront? most men blame their wives when the chips are down especially when they are the sole provider and the wife contributes veryyy little or nothing.
ReplyDeleteTry to add to the homefront if you've not been doing so. then consider a vacay with the kids, you both need some space away from each other to re-build lost love stolen by pressure tension and frustration.
if all of this doesn't work, situation aint changing and the love is not re-igniting, carry your kids and run!
#yes I said so!
Nigerians! How it is that you are aware that your child is going through abuse of any kind, yet insist that if she leaves you will have nothing to do with her, beats me hollow!!!
ReplyDeleteHome is where a child should run to when in danger, whether that child is married or not. Now you have chased your daughter away, I hope if (God forbid) she returns home finally as a corpse, you will sing, dance and celebrate.
"Endure because of your children " is the DUMBEST statement ever! Kids do NOT do well in such a toxic and hostile environment. Trust me, the son(s) may grow thinking it's okay to be abusive towards women, the daughter(s) may grow up thinking being abused is acceptable since she has seen it all her life. Or they may grow up aggressive, hating marriage and people, scarred for life. And for what?
A woman should stay in a marriage where there is no love, one in which her life/mental/emotional health are endangered because of the usual suspects: Culture, her elder sister Tradition and their first cousins "What-Will-People-Say", "It-is-well" and "It-is-not-my-portion." Parents OPEN YOUR EYES.
Seconded! God bless you....Emotional torture is as bad as the physical one. You want her to commit suicide ba. Life is not that hard. Learn to love yourself and appreciate yourself. I feel majority of men that treat their wives like this grew up in a toxic home. Get a good job or business and set up a plan for your kids. Don't leave your kids with that husband of yours. I grew up in that kind of home and watch my mum cry and suffer. I still wished she left my dad andd moved on with us. I am very sceptical about men or marriage. I don't want to pass through what my mum passed through. Being married doesn't validate anyone. It's not a visa to heaven. There is no need spending the rest of your life in a loveless marriage. You deserve better.
DeleteDeep breath* My sister how old are u again?? How many kids hav u got???...and wch country are u residing?? Nigeria I presume. Am tempted to call ur husband names buh I wil choose not to cuz its obvious it wnt do any change. His character depicts one that goes chasing stones wen he obviously has a diamond at home. It's also very demeaning to insult ur partner infront of outsiders let alone ur wife, buh like I earlier said, I choose not to call ur hubby names. Am sure by now u must hav known what my answer wil b. Woman if u made tru wiv him for 11years and he has truly changed like he said. Pls STICK TO HIM! Love love love, yea I knw dt esp wen its no more there. B rest assured that since uv loved him before, u can love him again. D kids deserve better if not for anything else buh to erase the memories of d ugly incidences and hav a gud perception of ur hubby. Childhood memories are one that wil always remain wiv u. Pls mk it beautiful for them. I truly hope he is changed for good. Just see him as ur friend and am sure wiv time.....
ReplyDeleteThank me later..*winks*
God forbid bad thing!even my friends envy me a single girl.....the way they sound on the phone when I call them MRS just makes me believe all isn't well with them. Or is it the ones that call to tell me how they are no more in love with their husbands?they always sound depress on the phone....hmmmm,I really have to stop bothering myself about marriage cos it's really not a bed of roses,one complain or the other everyday!
ReplyDeleteMy only worry now is having kids
Because I hear having kids late isn't good and am already in my early 30s.
And I'm scared of being a single mother.
My wait will never be in vain o
God will not give me a load I can't carry
I sometimes wonder how these women still manage to cope in such homes
Me?i will just run mad cos I can't stand stress for a day
And everybody knows this about me!
Madam,u have to go to ur mum and make her understand why u just have to walk away from the bondage called marriage!
My dear,pray for the right man and enjoy marriage..
DeleteYes,Husband and wife dey quarrel the same way you quarrel with your siblings...there's no way you can live with someone without fighting...
So sweety,change that mindset of yours and give marriage a trial...not every woman is sad in their marriages...
Aunty, I will be 35 in august and before this year runs out I will be a grandma by God's grace.if I may ask, since u want to be a single mum is it a single man or a married man that will father ur kids? I will advise u to try adoption cos this route u are taking will be ur death that is if u are going through married man route and d man has a wife like me.
DeleteEzewanyi grandma @ 35! Well done #Inugo
DeleteKeep rubbing it on our faces.
Sebi if u wan do wicked, u go quick comot saint from ya name.
Good to know! Yet you always accuse Rita Dominic and Genevieve of ignoring marriage!
DeleteThe Alex
Thanks Linda Eze,I sure will! And madam ezewanyi, please go through my write up again and stop saying trash!i never said I'm not going to ever get married! I said my wait won't be in vain! Who cares if u were disvirgined at 8?i now see reasons why u f@$& from door to door!and I won't be surprise if u come up to say u are 60years old morrow!
DeleteLair lair pants on fire!
God knows i cant stand married men
cos i'm too emotional and cant share my man!
If the kind of marriage ezewanyi is into is the only marriage left on earth
I rather remain single!
may God not let me end up with a man i will cheat on like ezewanyi does to her hubby!
F$&@ off my post if u don't know what to say
Liar*, I'd rather
DeleteOmg! My apologies, I thought I was subtle.
DeleteBut I no dey wicked nah.....
@diamondkay I had this fears wen I was single too but God brot d very right man for me(no boasting),how did it happen? Prayer.
DeleteI pray and do not allow it bother me,occupied myself with my job. Do not be discouraged by the stories u see on this blog or any other blog,or stories u hear frm pple. Marriage is beautiful and u will experience it
@diamond kay, d only think I can see from ur comment is fuck ..fuck..fuck..na wetin? Did I hit a raw nerve....picks teeth....aunty agbaya, u no get shame. I don repent , I no do that thing again.ntoii ya fu bu ogi!
DeleteAgadi in ur 30s....tueh! U dey find who u go born for? Are ur parents no more together? Instead of u to talk true say nobody dey price ur market, agbaya say she dey fear marriage.
Hian!
Tufiakwa gi!
Omg! I just sinned ...I need to do penance....I was just ordained a dame.....its all ur fault " zinc" kay
U are very funny @ "zinc"kay, see ur kpomo mouth like am very emotional. I ve a very fantastic life , d type u can only dream of.....I ate my cake and still ve it....God is merciful. U ve given up on life and am giving d shock treatment. Haba! U wanna be a single mum, fear God oooo...which single man will put up with that? So na married man u dey find, abi e get another type of man wey dey apart from single and married.
DeleteBaby mama to be and very proud of it and it will be d death of u if d man has my kind as a wife.
This is backsliding ooooooo.......
It is well!
Goodnight my dear according to Linda Eze to u.
Ifelemechimmuo.
U have turned ur hubby into a vegetable with ur jazz!
DeleteI see why wives connection banned u from their blog!
When u go there to talk trash and act like the illiterate that u are!
Ass wipe!
Cheap cunt!
I will say it again and again that I rather remain single than thread in ur path!
Cheerful giver!
Hope u didnt go to Rome to seduce those faithful men of God with ur greyed pussy o!
DeleteCos u are possessed and need serious deliverance!
Adviser nowamagbe!
Agbiwen!
Ugbiki!
Olekiah!
Bring it on biatch!
I'm damn too ready for u!
MARRIED WOMAN OF EASY VIRTUE! EZEWHATEVER I'm talking to u!
Do u realise u are talking to a Dame, I dont do such things again .however, I remembered a trip to italy some years back, I met Anthonio.....oh la la...memories dear...
DeleteAint u tired of this same line, they chased her out of wc, a dead blog, d owner even drops comments anonymously on her blog, who still goes there? She came here to beg me to come back .....I dare u to go there and paste ur earlier comment there idiot old cargo like u going for a family to destabilize with ur immorality.
DeleteHe whom d God's ve favoured, let no man stand against him lest he be called a heathen and cut down..
DeletePls be guided "zinc" kay.
Am running late for a meeting.....see ya later and dont do what I wouldn't do.
DeleteWinks*
Aunty Stella!u have to approve all my comments to this local breed dog called EZEWHATEVER !u are holding back some of my comments!
DeleteAwwww.....sweetie...dont cry....stella knoes am a big girl so can handle myself....while we are on it take ur drowning useless self to d garbage where u belong.quote me again to confirm that u are a worthless animal and on this note am done with u.udene fegge mmuo.
DeleteStill counting ooooooooo.........
See this ashewo Oshi! fool! Loose woman!aunty Stella knows u will cry hell if she let out my comments!shes avoiding heart attack from u! U know,all u say doesn't get to me!u know why?because u are just one irresponsible married woman I see around and I honestly don't envy "smellos" like u!
DeleteU give the few good virtuous women bad image
If u were my mum,
U would have longed be dead!
Prostitute wife!
I spit on u!
TUEEEEEH!
Cry?for who naw?a wayward woman like u?God forbid bad thing!lmao!nothing a dog like u will ever say that will get to me!
DeleteNever!
If Aunty Stella could just approve my comments!choi!
U go for dey admission now!
Lmao!
How can eze wanyi be your mother when you are actually older than her?
DeleteAm beginning to think stories pple read about marriage breakups and divorces are part of the reasons why more people are breaking up even when they can work our their issues. Because of the prevalence of breakups and divorces these days, pple now see it as normal running off their marriages. Poster, I will be very frank with you, its better for you to stay and work out your marriage rather than walking out. Those men outside urging u to leave the family you've built already, will so fuck you and at the end of the day, they will discharge you. 'No offence, but you are a liability' After 4 children, you want to enter street abi? Hmmm I pity you. Better work things out with your husband or better still, take a 3 months compulsory hols as stella suggested and clear off your head. What happens to the word, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE?? . Don't say pple like me didn't advise you oo. Some of the women that are divorced aren't happy ooo. I don tell you now ooo.
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteGbamest! That's the truth poster, try and work things out with your hubby since he doesn't beat u. Those guys u are likely to meet outside when u divorce will only be there for u in a very short, so for how long would u continue to search for love and be changing men one after the other, when u could actually devote your time now and work things out with your hubby.
DeleteA liability huh? You have already concluded her future? Who died and made you God?
DeleteThe Alex
Dm, what nonsense r u on about "since he doesn't beat u"? Did you read the post at all?
DeleteWats wit sum yall sayin "shebi e didn't beat u" weytin com b physical abuse?
DeleteY do I ave a feelin dat thr is mor 2 dis tory dan wat I just read. Poster, it seems you already had ur mind made up, ppu go just yarn frm now till 4eva na weytin dey ur mind u go do.
May God c u tru wit wateva decision u eventually make.
Ola
Wats wit sum yall sayin "shebi e didn't beat u" weytin com b physical abuse?
DeleteY do I ave a feelin dat thr is mor 2 dis tory dan wat I just read. Poster, it seems you already had ur mind made up, ppu go just yarn frm now till 4eva na weytin dey ur mind u go do.
May God c u tru wit wateva decision u eventually make.
Ola
'shebi, he doesn't beat you?'
DeleteIs that Nigerians do not read the articles or do not understand the meaning of 'physical abuse'? Goodle is your friend oh..hian!!
Just back from rome just in case y'all been wondering where I was.....
ReplyDeleteD truth of d matter is that u sold urself cheap to ur husband(physical and emotional abuse).insults ur mum and siblings cos u leaked ur families secrets to him.
U want to leave d marriage but wont let u go with d kids (responsible man)
U are not a nagging nor troublesome wife and according to u, u are a good wife.let me tell u truth, u started on d wrong footing cos I ve seen cases like this and its always one pattern. ...u were trying to be a "good" wife, u sold ur family for kobo, told him intimate secrets about urself which he stored in his memory to use against u in future and which he has.u want to leave ur home, u will regret it if u do cos u are not thinking straight now, u only despise ur hubby which is ok considering d circumstances but which can still turn to love and maybe by then another woman is in d picture....
I am tired of typing I wanna unpack my bags but I will leave u with d following advice.remake ur self, talk less, give him space, wear a cheerful look cos he is trying to break u and above all practice indifference.I agree with ur mum.
Word
DeleteJust shut the fuck up
DeleteJust shut d fuck down
DeleteAnuofia
If you are not married l really think you should not open shop on this one because you are not in the best position to advise her. They say who never go no know. Poster dear l really feel for you and what you are going through. if l got your story correctly l believe he doesn't physically beat you which is also the reason your mum said you should hold on. If that is the case l suggest you should. even if the love is gone,you've got to try. Those kids are your future. After four children and you want to go and start again with another man you dont know yet? ho! l beg you. Try counseling if you have not already done so then tell the head of your extended family to call for a meeting so you guys can talk it over. Above all pray, pray and l say again pray. Cheers
ReplyDeleteYou didn't read where she said 'physical abuse'?
DeleteThanks everyone 4 d advice,and to answer the ones who asked if there is someone outside I'm eyeing,d honest answer is NO..I'm more concerned about rebuilding my self mentally,emotionally,financially and otherwise and Men would be a distraction @ dis point...I agreed to leave my kids because I don't want our separation to be messy and i can tell u for free dat eventually he will give d kids back to me as he doesn't ve d wherewithal to raise them,I don't mean financially though.This is not about money,by all standards,we are very comfy.D problem is d abuse has started to take a toll on my health.Which sane man will tell his 8 year old child to go and call dat ur bastard mum or useless good for nothing mum for me,which sane man?once he beat and stripped me in front of my cook and security guard..I've given this marriage my all,I mean my all d only thing left to give is my blood which is a luxury I can NEVER afford.if na prayers,I've prayed,fasting?i ve done marathon,mumu sef I don become just 4 dis marriage to work.my brothers and sisters I don tire,I'm bruised,I'm drained,I'm empty,tortured,abused but I refuse to be damaged.By d way,I've got enough to start my new life,I've got a business.
ReplyDeleteWhy you no give us this full jist before say hin beat you, strip in front of your cook and security guards! Obviously you are married to those rich men that take their wife as their maid! Abeg if you have finally decided to leave, better take your kids wit you! Don't ever think he doesn't have the capacity to take care of them! Even if he doesn't, he will definitely grow one! Be wise in your decision!
DeletePepper ose oku!
That means,you need to seperate from him for now and make sure you carry your kids along...good luck...
DeleteThen just leave, itz not a death sentence o, if u r sure he'z gonna give bak d kids, fine! But if not, try all possible means 2get your kids, as for ur mum, jst 4get abt ha threats, she is not u nd d fact dat she survived d abuse doesn't mean u can too, we r stronger than each oda...
DeleteGod will see u through sist....hmmmm
DeleteHa!
DeleteIn that case poster please run for your dear life but take those kids with you.
The Lord is your strength.
Na wa oo. Telling a child to go "call dat ur "bastard" mum or "useless" good for nothing mum" who says such things? it seems your husband is short tempered. Na wa! I think your husband dan see you finish!. The best option is to give him space. Yes! Seperation!! Stay off him If passible b/w 8mths- 1yr. If you re not around him he will feel your existence, value and respect what he has. While at that, try and re-evaluate yourself, make yourself busy, leave the kids with him; stay off the house. After like 4months, once or twice a month go to the house and visit the kids (I said the kids and not him). There Is no way the kids will be with him and they keep asking after their mum that he won't hv a rethink. "Use your Head and not your Heart". Above all, still commit everything into God's hand. Ask God to show you the way forward. I wish you all the best in this journey.
DeleteNo no no way,this is too much abeg. Strip u in front of his cook? Some men are animals o. Either u leave d marriage or give him space. It is well
DeleteMrs C. D is that you? If you live the high brows of the island then its you.. And if it's s who I think this is,please leave already... You have been saying you would leave and you don't .... Everyone around you knows how he strips you in front of your cooks and maid and beat you up... If this is you just move on already... If you had put this info initially,wouldn't have advised you to stay and work things out...
DeleteI am soo Sorry about all u are going through...i really am.My heart just broke reading dis Second part.wot kind of a Man does dis?just Cant wrap it around My head.m soo Sorry.wil say a prayed for u tonight n always.whatever u decide to,God wil back u up.n pls sweerie,promise me u wil take dose four gorgeous kids wit u.dont even think twice about leaving dem behind for an animal to raise.i am soo Sorry baby...u wil live through dis...u shall ride above dis.and no matter what he has said n done,i know u r a strong woman.and u r Beautiful and u stil have soo much to give.he is bloody bastard and yes u won baby! He didnt drag u down...he tried buh den u rose above it.keep ur head up darling....keep it up...Dere r loads of peeps Who love u...loads....n never u forget that Darling.God bless u real good!
DeleteDear Poster, leaving your marriage especially the four innocent kids you brought into this word shouldnt be on your mind at all. There is no perfect marriage out there and a good woman will build her home. What were you thinking about when you had 4kids within 9yrs! Please go back to the drawing board, talk to your husband, give him a chance, check yourself and see what you are doing wrong. In all, dont leave your kids to be trained by a strange woman, if you MUST leave, leave with your kids. #Jesus Baby#
ReplyDeleteHow do people encourage women to stay in a violent marriage? "For better for worse" is written NOWHERE in thé bible. If you make vows and the other party doesn't hold up their end of the bargain, why do you feel obliged to holding yours up?
ReplyDeleteEndure! Keep enduring. One day you will snap and do something beyond crazy and I promise you, these same people shouting endure and don't leave will be the same ones shouting and asking why you didn't simply walk away.
Shame on your mother. Big shame on her for chasing you away from your home. Selfish women like her don't deserve to be called mothers. Like a previous poster said, I hope she has a party if God forbid you return to the same house as a corpse. God I am so angry right now. This is what makes people commit suicide then commentators will say it is the witches in thé village that killed you.
God bless you!
DeleteThe Alex
I ve been married for almost 7 yrs n l ve come to realise tht in marriage, u keep falling in n out of love with ur partner. Dear poster are u sure u r nt seeing anoda man? If u r sure u are nt n your hubby hits, u then take some time off, let ur mummy help you take care of the kids if she can while u take a break to think things thru, but if u must live pls my sister don't leave ur children o l beg u. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteDede
I ve been married for almost 7 yrs n l ve come to realise tht in marriage, u keep falling in n out of love with ur partner. Dear poster are u sure u r nt seeing anoda man? If u r sure u are nt n your hubby hits, u then take some time off, let ur mummy help you take care of the kids if she can while u take a break to think things thru, but if u must live pls my sister don't leave ur children o l beg u. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteDede
Well its sad when love is lost in marriage a thing we can't control.I'm just tired of so call dv.
ReplyDeleteI can't shout this enough but women....BUILD YOURSELF!!!!....if you can't build a carrer,build a business,build your self esteem,build your character,build your relationship with God,build your home!!!!
ReplyDeleteDo you work, if not find one ASAP, find avenue to make money . what makes you happy ouside ur husband and kids, find out what they are, what am trying to stay is get a life outside ur family but dont negelat ur kids. Go out with friends, do some shopping, if over weight, work on yourself, look good. Ignore ur hubby and make urself happy, you are giving him too much attention that's why he is getting to you.Take your kids for a holiday this long vac.
ReplyDeleteAnty stella, pls enof of al ds sad stories abt marriage. U dnt gve d single ones hope of gettn married. Instead we gt scrd of marriage. Ma boo has bn ready 4 marriage for a while nw bt anytym I enta ur blog n read ds stories den I get dscouraged.
ReplyDeleteYou said he abuses you emotionally and physically but especially emotionally.. Does that mean the physical abuse has stopped? If it has,then please stay and make your marriage work.. If it hasn't,then strategies a way but WITH YOUR KIDS...DO NOT LEAVE WITHOUT YOUR KIDS. I believe marriage go thru a period where both couples fall in and out of love especially when they have been married for so long.. I asked my mom one time about this falling in and out of live and she told me it happens all the time.. Situations and problems can push you far apart but if you walk on it and retrace your steps you would get it right again
ReplyDeleteThe key is taking your mind back to the good times but of you have shared.. The good things that have happened during the period of your marriage and all.. My mom said the thing that works wonders for her is going thru her wedding pictures and seeing how happy she was that day,then remembering why she chose to marry him... After all these,that love that disappeared reappears... The men also have a way to jog there memories when such befalls them.. I also asked ny dad and he explained it to me..
My point here is this,if you know the physical assault has stopped,please try and go on a vacation with the kids else where.. You can even leave them so you think clearly.. Take a week or 2weeks break.. Go with your wedding pictures and videos and go down memory lane. If all that doesn't work for you then do what your heart desires... But remember the grass is not always green at the other side.. The only people o support them leaving their marriages is those that are constantly abused especially when you don't have bad mouth...
@ Poster I understand how you feel. If he changes you will be surprised that you still love him. But you are soooo pained at the moment and can't believe he's the same person you married. Why don't you involve his parents or any member of his family that you know he has great respect for to speak to him. Leaving is not always the best. Try and work it out, endure, give it another chance just because of your children. The way you described him, your own is still better than some people's own, trust me I know what i'm saying. If he doesn't change and you still want to leave, please NEVER leave your kids with any man.
ReplyDelete*deep sigh*..Madam sorry about your problems. My problem with your case is the children, they are so young! Madam just think about this for a moment..do you want another woman to raise your children for you while you are still alive? this are children you carried in your womb for 9 long months! Madam, what if the other woman is wicked? do you know she can destroy your children? What will now be your gain madam when you look back at old age? I know it is very very difficult to live with a man you don't love. If you were financially strong i would have suggested you sit your husband down, tell him you don't love him any more, tell him you will take care of the children's education and every other thing and get your self a nice apartment in a fine area and live your life but as it is i can't give you such advice because i can see from your story that you don't have that kind of money. Please madam stay for your kids until they grow up. Madam please i hope you are not doing this because you have found another man? Think deep madam.
ReplyDeleteFollow ur heart.
ReplyDeleteWhy why why all this happening. end time things.
ReplyDeleteGbenu buruku e soun jooor. End time ko begining time ni
Deletesorry to hear about your issues with your husband and i think i understand where u are coming from. but i believe if something can grow, it can die and if it can die, it can also grow back but a whole lot depends on him proving to u that he is worthy of u. so i would say, take a trip as stella says, clear your head, then come back and give him one more chance. if he proves to have changed, trust me, the love will come back. you have loved him once, that love is not dead, it just has grown cold and it can be fired up again but it will take a lot of hard work from both parties. but peace is always within reach if both parties try
ReplyDeleteI agree with pink shell on that,marriage wahala on sdk blog is too much o,pls I'm not tryiing to be insensitive,are there not people that have beautiful marriages biko write to stella to encourage us atleast to tell us marriage can be beautiful,all this marriage wahala it is discouraging seriously....... Madam I think there is still room to work on your marriage,pls try for the sake of your lovely children...pls lawyers does a man have the sole right to take the children during separation/divorce?
ReplyDeleteStella, I am highly disappointed in you, in times like these it shocks me when you put up some comments that are damaging! You are a woman, and a mother; please exercise discretion. Dear poster, I am a wife and a mother; but under no circumstance will I stick it out in my marriage if I'm put through what you are going through. Please u don't deserve the physical abuse and you don't deserve the emotional abuse. You deserve to be happy and raise your kids in a nourishing, stable environment. Your mum is only speaking out of fear and 'what will people say'. Same thing happened to my elder sister, she finally got divorced and five years later, she's happier and my mum is so proud of her. She's now the gem in the family. Please leave that marriage, start planning towards it, it's not easy, I know, please go to an NGO and get help. It is well with your soul, it is well with your children. You will never lack. In Jesus Name. Amen
ReplyDelete@Poster your mama sef! rme...is it until you die of depression that she will know when to be a pillar of support? as for the person who is asking if he beats her abi you have not heard of emotional & psychological abuse? those ones are equally deadly in case you don't know.
ReplyDeleteYou wear the shoes so you know where it pinches most...if you feel you can stay for your kids fine, if you can't take the abuse any more then meet him in court & demand that your kids stay with you since he can't prove that you are an unfit mother. As for you mom; ask her if she prefers a broken depressed clueless woman as a daughter or one with sound mind.
I have seen what emotional & psychological abuse does to women & its not funny.
As much as is easier said than done, do take it easy ma'am,take a break and give it anoda shot.
ReplyDeleteThe sad truth is - marriage is outdated.
ReplyDeleteNo one is ready for long suffering.
In this day and age, the worst thing a woman can do
To herself is marry a man.
We see the outcome of modern marriages
all around us.
Women wake up,!
Dear Poster, I know where you're coming from. Have been married for 16 yrs, with 3 kids. Have suffered both emotion and physical abuse in my marriage. The last one in 2011, was so terrible, yet I couldn't leave cos my parents esp. my mum refused. There's no way i'd ever leave my kids behind, cos he's a terrible father.
ReplyDeleteThe violence mellowed because I became a mumu for peace to reign, but i'm far from been happy. He says terrible things about me to my kids, which they come to tell me. My first son doesn't like to repeat what his father says about me so as not to hurt me.
The worst part is i'm currently unemployed! Ah i've suffered this past year. I used to feed the family including my husband's sister and brother, and do everything for my kids. My husband was working, but I dare not ask him for money, or I get beaten up. Since I lost my job, it hasn't been easy living with a stingy man. I feel like a maid or less. My husband just walks out of the house without saying a word to me. He can come home at any time. Even my kids feel sorry for me. I'm very unhappy.
@Meno I feel your pain. It is a terrible thing for a woman not to have any source of income, especially when she has kids. I have been there and it was not funny. I will say a prayer for you my sister, because it is not easy. Nigerian women have suffered greatly. Maybe you should try going into business while looking for a job. Just a suggestion which I am sure you have already thought of. Kai! These men do not know what they have till they lose it. African Men, the greatest liars and emotional abusers. I do not blame them, their Fathers taught them with their actions, their mothers said nothing and society encouraged them. God dey, one day e go be better for women in Nigeria and Africa! My rant don end!
ReplyDeleteStella it is 11pm. I cannot sleep because I just found out that my husband of many years with 6 children is having an affair! I am one of the women who don't believe in going through my husband's phone. But lately he was acting funny, I decided to go through his phone. What I read made me lost respect for my husband. He was begging these ladies and asking them for their sexy pics. He promised to treat one like a queen and another a treat to a Chinese restaurant. He lied to them that he only has a baby mama! Funny enough, am not angry or jealous, just processing the info through me. I won't confront him yet so that he won't lock his phone or begin to delete his conversation. I don't blame the ladies, he lied to them, and I would tell a friend to call them and hint them that he is lying to them. MEN! I was waiting to do my midnight prayer but I changed my mind because he is not worth all the sacrifices I make. My prayers would be solely for I and my children. I just needed someone to talk to and get it out of my chest. I don't blame wives that deal with their husbands. Single ladies please be careful of irresponsible married men like my husband.
ReplyDelete@ anonymous 6.20am - pls take heart my dear. I know too well how you feel right now. It's right that you shouldn't confront him yet but make sure you take pix of all these evidences because they always deny when they think you have no evidence. Gather up all the evidences in several forms before you confront him.
ReplyDelete