Hello Stella. I have been confused all night and I cant seem to find a way out. honestly, for the first time in my life, I started considering options to end my own life. my wedding is due for sometime in May but has been called off by me.
Just after invitation cards were sent out, my fiancé's family raised their voices to say he was not due to get married. they claim he has not done enough for the family to be able to get married. when I went to meet with my supposed father in-law to explain what the other family members are saying, he told me to my face that his son has to build a house, buy him a car and train his younger ones before he can start thinking of settling down.these are people that use to pretend to love me.
His son only earns a salary with which he can provide the basic needs of his family, and that I can attest that he does so well but cannot afford to build a house right now. he has two younger ones he is seeing through the university. my dreams are shattered and I have accepted to call off the wedding but my fiancé is still begging that I stay with him.
My dilemma now is that I am a few weeks pregnant. please don't judge me for having premarital sex, I already blamed myself. am a graduate but right now, I have no job. where do I go from here. am seriously considering having an abortion to make my life less complicated but my fiancé is against it. my life is just a mess! what kind of home would I have without d blessing of my husband's family? his sisters have been calling to insult me and accuse me of controlling their brother.
if they was no pregnancy, it would have been a lot easier to face d shame of a cancelled wedding. please I need your candid advice, what would you do if you were in my shoes?
*why do parents make life so difficult for their children?how much does your child have that you want him to build a house for you?why couldn't you build the house if it is so easy?this is pathetic and a thumbs down.
I am sorry but i am not in the right frame of mind to give advice,i am so upset by this story.
That's why it's not good to date a guy from a poor home. He automatically becomes bread winner even when he earns peanuts
ReplyDeleteUseless comment!
DeletePeople will cuss you out but guess what? You are right! Poverty sucks. It's cancerous. I hate it
DeleteSeriously I concur with you. This is purely African mentality
DeleteIs it rich ones that are available? The rich guys are marrying rich girls. Even poor guys are running after rich girls with wealthy families.
Delete#lifeissues#
Ashawo is dat why u re doing gumming body with alhaji sikiru? Ur day is coming
Deletepeppermint
So true!
DeleteHonestly, poverty makes people shameless. If every young man has to build a house for his parents before getting married, how many would be able to marry?
DeleteIt's because if conditions like this that the rate of armed robbery and yahoo yahoo will keep increasing.
Peppermint, you must be from a wretched, poverty stricken lineage.
How would you eventually cope in the marriage with such spiteful sisters in law? Not to talk of the father in law?
DeleteHonestly, Anon 1:16PM, poverty is a disease walahi
i'm so angry rite now.........your fiance is not firm, e should take a stand by telling his family must marry you. i see a case where the family sees you as a lazy girl dat'll drain their son by marrying him, its not abt him building a house or buying a car for them; its about them not wanting you to marry their son. My advise is this START A BIZNESS THAT WIL FETCH YOU REAL CASH TO TAKE CARE OF YOU & YOUR CHILD JUST INCASE........u jst might not know the future. Let your parents into the issue what ever their advise is stick with it. God be with you and be strong, please dear not just for you but ur unborn child & those dat love you. (abortion in this case is zero)
DeleteOk I feel u poster. I refused 2marry a quy I dated 2yrs wen I discovered he was d bread winner in his family. I am workinq but I cudnt cope cos once he has settled one ish anoda pops up its uqly head. So I refused. Ppl cussed me out but I didn't mind I wasn't ready 2slave 4 anybody. Its unfortunate dat u r preqnant. Poverty is seriously a deadly disease I don't wanna b associated with it mbok.
DeleteN his unreasonable father... Did he buy a car n build a house 4his own father? Rubbish! Dis is so annoyinq
DeleteMy advise is this: pls don't touch the pregnancy. Leave it. Ask the guy where he stands; if he's also of the opinion of u waiting till he has built house for his lazy, Poverty destroyed father pls walk away, yes, with ur baby and make sure baby doesn't get to bear his name ever! If he is of the opinion of getting married now, then go ahead...provided he's not a push around! I have a friend married to a man whose family believes shd be the bread winner. She would have jumped away at this opportunity if it existed! Now she's stuck in a terrible marriage.
DeleteShe is 100percent correct
DeleteSpot on, very true
DeleteMarried school teacher who had Threesome with her students
Does this ur comment make sense even to u?? Pls change ur orientation.....
Delete@anon:1;20, hav u evr bn married? Shame on u.@ poster pls move on wt ur life and kip ur baby, trust me, am in d same situation, tot I was neva goin to survive it bt by d special grace of God am 5 mnths gone, poverty is not an option, marrying frm a poor and uneducated family is a problem to ones marriage. May God help u and me too.
DeleteI totally agree with you. Had my parents been alive when I married, maybe I wouldn't have married who I did. His mother wants to take over my family especially the financial aspect but my stubbornness in that area don tire am. Single ladies pls go for a guy from an average home or if he's from a poor home, has been liberated from the poverty mentality!
DeleteMy dear poster, if ur fiancee is willing to go ahead wit wedding now, pls do it. Forget what his family is saying now, they r not being reasonable, somebody must have planted that wrong seed in them. They will come around. For d sake of ur child go ahead wit wedding.
ReplyDeleteYou av a point but on a second tot. Marriage without parents consent is not advisable. They would just frustrate her. She shud tell ha inlaws abt ha pregnancy. U knw wen kids are involved-mercy is applied.
DeleteSee people giving nonsense advices! Ha ba! People fear God o! To marry a bad family is almost as bad as marring a "bad" man! Take it from those who have had such experiences..... Once you marry him/them by fire by force, you've defied their word (#1 offence!) Everything else becomes by the grace of God o, because no matter how much luck, joy, male children and/or wealth you bring into their family, there's always gonna be an issue with you, always a fault they're going to pick in you..... simply put, be ready for wahala!
DeleteNow unless your man has some balls and cautions them now or cuts them off completely.... you're on a long thing o! Even in future when wahala starts between you and hubby, na who you go carry matter go? Your fam? Well that'll work only if he has the utmost respect and adoration for your folks o!
My advice is this. Speak to your fam about the situation on ground about your unborn child cos I think that's the only issue here.... and also get a job or something business, freelance, anything! Good luck in your decision and God's speed!
Mrs-No7
The guy's people do not want him to marry her. It's very obvious. Quite frankly going ahead with the marriage in the midst of all this will not be good for her at all. A man that can not stand up to his people but he is begging you to still go ahead? Fail.
DeleteYou are pregnant and you can't change it. Start doing something to provide for you and the baby. If your parents can take care of you, have the baby then start a business or get a job. That man will come looking for you some day and you do not want to be in a pathetic state when he comes. Protect you and your baby before he and his family will come and take the baby away from you.
Children are a blessing and God will see you through.
From one woman to another pls run! I got to find out that my mother in law was against my marriage after the wedding and believe me its hell,that man will continue listening to his family they will always come first. My mother in law calls me names from prostitute to gold digger in front of her son and he doesn't say anything. Mind you I had my business and come from a wealthy home so its not like I married for money. Save yourself the stress go where u are welcomed
DeleteBut why did they deceive the girl up to the point that invites were printed and sent out? I am sure she didn't decide it to that extent all by herself now. If his parents are aware that she's pregnant, and they still insist that he cannot marry u, then to hell with them and their son. Is he God's gift to women?
DeleteMeanwhile he shouldn't act ignorant like he didn't know their position.. if his father called u and said that to ur face, it is because they've asked him to tell u, and perhaps he couldn't face u to say it. So his father is simply telling u what the entire family unanimously agreed to. so all that nonsense about ur bf saying u shouldn't worry bla bla is cock and bull story. What did u expect him to tell u? And besides, his sisters wouldn't dare to insult u if he didn't allow them. If his folks are like this, I don't care if tomoro they change their mind, and say Oya come and marry our son. Don't marry into that family even if Dangote is their first son....this one they've shown u is sneak preview to what you'll later face in that family.
Perhaps if u have a job it would av been better, but still, if u have a job before marriage, and say after u marry u lose ur job, this is the same thing they'll do to u o. Leave them alone...good luck to them. just face your life, try to get a good job, and someone else will come.
I pity the females in this family, cos this their father will sell his daughters to a rich man while the family will suck him dry. Its so obvious their background is poorly. Nonsense
Are u inlaws aware of d pregnancy?personally, I don't support marriage without parental consent but this ur pregnancy stuff tire meoo!
ReplyDeleteWell no matter what it is, abortion is never the best option, what off people that got pregnant and the guy rejected the pregnancy, what do you want them to do?
DeleteBut one thing I don't understand is, how can you and your man be planning a wedding and it has gotten to its secondary phase of printing and distributing IV before his parents got to know? And if they knew before all the preparation, why didn't they say it then that they want their son to get married yet? if they knew and kept quite till now, I must say that's wickedness
That said, you can't kill yourself, if your man still wants you, its a little better, its so unfortunate the kind of burden some parents place on their children, there by hampering the progression in life, and also its like the guy is not man enough to make decisions for himself, its his parents that presses the button for him, if he is man enough, his parents and family should not be dictating for him, getting married those not stop him from building a house or buying a car for them, if God bless him, he'll do all that
But really if that guy has shame, and loves you, and want your happiness, he will go ahead with the wedding, because his parents reason for not wanting the wedding to go ahead, holds no water
Your comment will be visible after approval
Hmmmmmmmn
ReplyDeleteThe bible says 'a wise man leaves inheritance for his children's children' not wait for his children to build a house for him...d father-in-law is a shameless old fool n so are d guy's siblings...if not for d pregnancy,I for say make u leave d guy o cos if u eventually marry him,u'l have so much problem with his stupid,shameless family members
DeleteBitchplis, I support Ў☺ΰ on this
DeleteBitchplis.......u made a very strong point..
DeleteBitchplis.......u made a very strong point..
DeleteI concur bitchplis!
DeleteAre ur would be inlaws aware of d pregnancy?Personally, I don't support marriage without parental consent but this ur pregnancy stuff tire meooo!
ReplyDeleteI hate to do this, but can't help myself 'dear poster, is your husband from Anambra state?'
DeleteP.S. I'm also anambra, so keep the insults.
Truth. Poster, your fiance's parents are exaggerating with the house and car thing. First, maybe, in their archaic mindset, they think he's too 'young' to get married especially if he just started making some good money(dem wan enjoy am first)
2. Bitter truth, they don't like u and its unfortunate that the whole family think same. It would have been easier if maybe the mum or another sibling were on your side. At this rate dear, they would surely win your hubby over.
Speak to your mum for better counselling. Cheers
Build a house , why im papa no build house for his children , lazy man , this is what you get from a greedy self centered family . If your fiancé is serious he will go ahead and marry you . My dear clean your tears don't cry for losers, keep your baby and God will surely see you thru .
ReplyDeleteMy dear, my sister dated a guy for 7 years and all his family pretended they loved her too, but when it was time for them to get married stories started coming out from all angles.
DeleteD guy's parents didn't want him to marry her, they said she's diabolic, that she controls him, that he spends all his money on her and of course d tribe thing. But d man having a mind of his own went ahead with d wedding, meanwhile my sister was pregnant too o.
Her case was terrible cos our house is a street away from d street where d guy's parents live. His younger brother even claimed to have slept with my sister before. But all those gist fell into deaf cos d guy knew what he wanted. On d day of d wedding nko, non of d guy's family came for d wedding, not one. Today they are still married after 16 years.
So love, there's nothing God cannot do, u have to be prayerful, really really prayerful and be dedicated to God, He alone can see u thru this. Pray that God gives ur fiancee a mind of his own, just be really prayerful.
Thank u
DeleteChukwu zoba gi nwanne.
ReplyDeleteIt is well.
I hope ya fiance didn't plan it with his family?
U know some guys are fucking spineless.
GOD will give u a man that is a man; a real man that stands up for himself.
I think she just want to reap where she did not sows. Let the guys parent enjoy their sweat on him. Now you want to tie him down with pregnancy.
DeleteMay God have mercy on u anony ! I strongly believe this is coming from the mouth of one of his siblings!shey u are a woman,abi?worse case will befall u IJMN!u think u can spoil somebody's joy and get away with it?just know that God is watching u......
DeleteA real man wud protect you from all this crap,pls flee from that family they ain't good news
DeleteAmen 2dat wonderful prayer @ diamondkay.
Delete
ReplyDeleteThe family of the guy though! build them a house before he gets married? issorait!
If not for the pregnancy, you would have walked away from the nonsense/dramatic family with your head held high.
what do you do now?
hey! don't even consider aborting.
you are in such a tight corner. hmm...
Dats what my friend inlaw did to her. Everything depends on ur guy if he wants hiS parents ruin him so be it. My friend went ahead and married her man. Her mum inlaw dnt attend the wedding. She is happily married. Infact when she put to birth she invited them only the dad inlaw came. My advice is tell ur man to go met any of his uncles or relation his parents respect to talk to them. Let them know dat his marrige will not stop him from helping them. Above all put it in prayers dat Gods will be done. Mrs P
ReplyDeleteI won't advice you to terminate d pregnancy since u still love each other. But if your fiance really loves u and wants d child then he has forget about whatever trash his family says and marry you. He shouldn't allow his family to control him and make decisions for him. If he can't handle this matter as a man and as someone who would eventually be the head of his family, then my dear poster you are marrying a pushover and a wimp. He needs to let his family know that u are already expecting his child but if they are still against d wedding then my dear call off d relationship cos its obvious ur in-laws are the very wicked type and trust me u don't want to be married into a family of wicked people. As for d pregnancy, I don't know d best advice to give
ReplyDeleteForget all that queen Hadassah,they can't do more than a dead rat!She should just hold on to God and He will sure see her true......Go ahead and get married to ur man because that is exactly what I will do!
DeleteMy dear u suld leave dat poverty-
ReplyDeletecalled future-family ASAP let dem
deal wit their own sheit
Wrongest family to get married in.
Buy me a car, build a house 4 me is d signature found in most poverty stricken greedy homes
Jeez! Gat to get muaself vaccinated
against poverty ...any1 knows dr.Phil's #? ...need an appointment
awredy. Mtchewww!
Stop crying....you have gone to the father-in-law and he has told you what you want you hear abi?The truth is must we all listen;No.Go to your husband and listen to what he says attentively; all these crying doesn't help in times like this;you have to go hard and fight for your future which includes you and your unborn baby.
ReplyDeleteWhen you cry and listen to all this rubbish so times, you make them feel like they are doing you a favour by marrying you,can you imagine the insult from the parent?Please, go strong and go hard,don't call of anything,listen to your husband,go to Ori-oke mountain and fast, because a father who could say such,me i don't trust,pray hard and help your husband build a future together, don't think of turning back at this times,its not their money, so they should back-off.
Your man also has to be mean,as in very strict,sometimes in life you just have to choose between your wife and your family,and it takes a man to make the appropriate and rightful decision which is your ??Just dry your tears and continue your plans,if his parents don't come,its their choice;they will attend your 10years anniversary; wedding must hold May,dance and be happy;don't mind anyone or anybody who doesn't support, they will understand better with time.
Let me read Ezewanyi's comment and Pink-shell's make i laugh.
You too like to write long gist. Wetin sef?
DeleteMy dear, please do not enter that home. They will always see you as a barrier!!. Get an abortion and move on with ur life!. I think you shld actively pursue job hunting. It is wise to be employed before you get married. It will hurt for a while, but the pain will abate and you will smile again!. The worst that usually happens in that kind of family, if they are diabolical is, they will kill him if he stops spending on them, or make him poor. Trust me, My Mum, always says that, you do not want to enter a family and from day one...it is BATTLE!!.
ReplyDeleteNa wa for some parents this is sheer wickedness,they cud have voiced they views before it got to this stage of marriage, selfishness on their part,wat sort of in laws wud dis type of pple make sef,hmmm,maybe u shud nt abort the child let his parents know u re pregnant, far gone and can't abort,it may change their stance on the issue,still they aren't good people.
ReplyDeleteDis is so sad!I feel really sorry and sad for you. I won't judge you cos you dated like every other girl did and now, it's like everything is falling apart.My advice to you is, to keep praying. Pick a seven days prayer programme from your church and fight this battle. May God be with you.
ReplyDeletemy dear don't harm dat angel in ur womb.Pls don't ever consider it again.This is the time u shld be with ur guy to prove u will always be there in diffcult and good time.Life has a way of playing with us but is left for u to be a victor or victim.U gals shld stick together n pray seriously to God.He is the perfect planner of events so let him take care of things.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame girls that run far away from people from poor background. They think poorly.
ReplyDeleteI swear.
DeleteIf you know what is good for you, u have kukuma said few weeks pregnant, go and get rid of that child and face your work.
ReplyDeleteThat is not the family to enter, if u refuse to hear and go ahead, you will come back to this blog and give the part two of your story.
it will be easier for you to find a man who will marry you without a child than when you have one, ask all the baby mama's out there.
And when you find a man who agrees to marry you, trust me that child will never feel comfortable in another man's house who is not his father. to love your own children is hard work talk more of one who isn't.
Leave religion, and morality now is time to apply sense.
DO NOT ENTER THAT FAMILY, OR HAVE ANY BLOOD RELATIONS FOR THEM.
If u have ears listen!
I think you are right sha.... This is the time to apply common sense... I married into a family like dat o.... If only I could turn back the hands of time.
DeleteControlling parents,dey wnt leave deir children to live deir lifes!nd 2 d sisters calln 2 insult her,i sorry 4 u cos rem 'karma is a bitch'...I nor blame una,its d guy who let u insult his babe!msheeeeew
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's about control; this family is obviously poverty striken and the son is their only way out.
DeleteIf u know what's good for you, u better stay away from that family, cos they'll always want one thing or the other from him. As for your pregnancy, I really don't know, best of luck
with whatever decision u take
Click my name for all your celebration cakes n cupcakes, Cheers
My dear.... Any girl who is unfortunate to marry into a family where the husband happens to be "the hope" of the family go hear am o.... Especially we Anambra people.... Unless ur husband is a strong man who is always there to defend and protect you at all times....FIAKWA to some families....
DeleteAm so sorry 4 u rt now, don't even no what 2say, it is well with u n ur decision
ReplyDeleteI can relate. Love conquers all tho.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm,pray,pray,pray until sumthing happens. To b candid wif u,I'm in d same shoes as u.I wld have said more abt myself,but hubby iz also an ardent reader so ill b decoded. May God help us.
ReplyDeleteI second your reply Anon 1:16...but then again there maybe something else! Why would this family start with these conditions just when the marriage date has been fixed? Or was this always on ground and she knew about it but decided to get pregnant as an option to see if it will make matters easy? I don't know much but my sense of reasoning will not just let me accept these conditions came impromptu! I just won't believe that she never saw signs.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sry,where were they when u guys were printing out ur wedding invitation cards? I can't ask u to abort its a sin.I pray God helps u though.e-hug.
ReplyDeletePoster,you be real mumuoooh....why did you call off your wedding?...if you really love him,....marry him...and don't abort that baby...most poor families gets jealous when their bread-winner wants to settle down....try and get a job and ignore them...hope your man is not a mummy or daddy's boy...
ReplyDeleteI can't ask you to abort but people saying she should stand by her man are asking her to stand by some really difficult times ahead, difficulty that she need not be a part of. What are your own people saying? I would never let my daughter enter into a home where she is visibly not welcome. Sisters calling to abuse you, FIL telling you your husband must do so and so (mind you, these are things he would do on his own as I believe you must honor your parents with the little you have) but these people have put stipulations. My sister, use your head on this one o. I know what extremely pushy inlaws look like and your marriage could completely break apart due to them. Be wise. You are not married so there is no for better or worse here. Let these people sort out themselves first. Meanwhile, if you can start thinking of how to support your child. Do not use desperation or fairy tale thoughts to enter disaster. Flip the script and see if your husbands people will even allow their son two inches near you. Abeg be realistic here. These are the things in marriage that even love can not get you through. It would be the sheer grace of God. Let God that is helping you now, let Him help you get over these tears and the hurt . It will only last a little but what you are about to enter can scar you for life. Please be wise for your sake and for the child's sake. Your husband needs to man up and face his family. How can they disrespect you by calling to insult you or telling you he can't marry you because xyz. When you are not desperate. They should relax and be on their own,
ReplyDeletePlease take it from someone who has been married for a while and has counseled many...the red flags are screaming in your face. It is not only cheating or abuse that should end an engagement, it is incompatibility issues as such. You marry a family in Africa and not just the man. You must support your child, he should support his own family and you do for yours but not under conditions as such. You should enter a family where respect is given to you and vice versa. There is no love conquering anything here, you have a chance to free yourself from what lies ahead.
ReplyDeleteYour child does not need to come into an environment like this. You also need to marry a man that is control enough to shield you from the insults and disrespect of family members. Take this as a precursor to life ahead. Do not pin yourself to something unnecessary. You never marry yet, you don dey cry...when you enter na die be that na. Young lady keep your head up and face your baby.
Poverty is really a disease. If not dat family blessing is important in marriage, una for just bone them n go ahead wt d wedding. Wot rubbish, must ur lives b on hold cos he needs t "settle" his family?I pray God touches dia heart.
ReplyDeleteWELL I WILL TELL YOU NOT TO ABORT THE BABY, NOT TO LEAVE YOUR MAN, IF HE SINCERELY LOVE YOU, GO AHEAD WITH HIM, HE IS THE ONE TO DECIDE AND NOT THE FAMILY. IF U R SURE THAT UR MAN LOVES U SO MUCH AND U LOVE HIM SO MUCH, NOTHING WILL COME IN BETWEEN THAT MARRIAGE. ALL U NEED TO DO IS TO GO TO GOD IN PRAYERS, HE WILL DO IT FOR YOU, ONCE GOD GAVE BLESSED UR UNION, U R BLESSED, THAT MARRIAGE IS BLESSED. SO JUST HANG ON AND PUT EVERYTHING TO GOD IN PRAYER, IF U DONT KNOW HOW TO PRAY, LEARN IT AND IF U DON'T BELIEVE IN PRAYERS, AM TELLING U THAT WITH FAITH, PRAYERS WORK.
ReplyDeleteI was in almost same predicament some 8 years ago. We were waiting for his parents to make the visit to mine for as we had fixed a date only for us to go see his uncle and he said almost same rubbish that his mother and father were unable to tell me to my face. It was hard breaking up even without a child invloved but was the best thing because he was mute throughout the whole issue and i felt i was the only one fighting. He's been married twice now and i thank God i never ever ventured into that family. My dear these are the signs and if He cannot stand up against these talks and warn them off you, please pack and walk. Because if you enter fighting you will continue fighting for a long time. For the unborn child i pray for wisdom for you to be able to sort that out.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I won't say you should call off your wedding so fast. First of all, its going to be a little easy since your fiancé wants you to stay with him. I believe you love him, so u should stick around and fight for what you want.
ReplyDeleteSince your father-in-law had the strength 2bring kids into this world, he should be ready to take responsibility for them.. That's not to say the fiancé in question should totally abandon his siblings, I just believe he should help them at his convenience and not impose it on him.
But on another side, I know there are some families that halt the younger ones education so the can train the eldest with the hope and agreement that he will take full responsibility of their education when he graduates,.. Hmmm. If that's the case hia, den d father may totally not be wrong in his agitation.. If not, madam Stella, pls snd the father-in-law one of those ur seats
Small Mrs
The truth is that ur guy's family don't like u,b/cos u're not from a rich home. I'll advice u keep ur baby,u can start looking for a job or u go learn any handwork.
ReplyDeleteSome stories are just bigger than life itself..its quite painful tho for a parent wanting their son to build a house for them,buy a car,take them abroad and all these useless excuses before the person can build a home for his own personal family..some men earn money which can be owkay for them,their family and other little expenses which I can't start mentioning but it just can't build a house or even buy a car..some have the money which can buy them a car but it can't build a house either..and that's just what some parents don't understand..they just see u own a car and they finalize that "this guy is damn rich but just don't want to spend on us"..not just knowing what that man is going through..mmttcchheeww!! This kinda stuffs are just too frustrating..@poster;I just don't know what best to say to ya but am sure God will surely see u through..also I know some sdkers will give u some advice which could help..sowi for what u are going through sha..
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry for your situation o. I say keep the baby and hope you find a job soon. I don't like all these guys from 'humble' backgrounds. their family members are usually very wicked and greedy. tufia!
ReplyDeletemy dear, just be calm wit urself & keep ur pregnancy let me beg you pls dont terminate it. i had d same experience jst dt i wasnt preg for d guy. His father is late & mother said her only son must build her a house she can cal her own & also rent out. When i heard i just said issorite & d plans ended. I'm not married up til now but it will happen one day one day. Ur guys stand matters alot in this.
ReplyDeleteYour son should first build a family house before he get's married????!!!..Really??? I hope this is not a plot between your boy friend and his family?..Hmm. just asking. #ismellarat.
ReplyDeleteMy dear don't enter this family, abort the baby and move on with your life or better keep the baby and get a job. All those people asking you to stand by your man won't be there to fight for you when the going gets worse. My mum made the same mistake and she spent almost half of her life running from one church to another. These people can even go diabolical. Person wey no like you no fit like your pikin remember that. If you were wealthy or have a good Job your inlaws would have been kissing floor you walk on. Getting married is not the problem, how long can you cope with that hate.
ReplyDeleteAnon4:00 I agree with you but I don't support the abortion. Not everyone has a success story, so getting married against all odds works for some nd ends in disaster for some. I agree that some may even go diabolical for it especially poster's supposed "parents-in-law" cuz people with such mentality would obviously not fear God. No rush o poster, please" genuinely" seek God's face and he will help you through this trying time. Please do not abort and just maybe your wedding will hold, if it's God's will, then it is.
DeleteAnon 4.00.... I support you completely.... These people will definitely go diabolical dat is for sure.... IT HAPPENED TO ME....They almost killed me during my first pregnancy, I survived to the glory of God.... Now, I am smarter, I do not go anywhere near them...jazz people..... But everyday when I kneel to pray, I ask God never to leave them unpunished....All of them shall pay for their sins.
DeleteMine went fetish! They turned his face away from me and my children. I cried bitterly and prayed. God pitied me and answered my prayers. But it was not funny! Poster, Don't marry him!!!
DeleteDear Poster.....this is really a huge one...in my opinion...that family is not the type of family you should enter,,,you have already started a battle with them and if you dare marry this guy,,,that battle will continue till Jesus comes......you have not entered their home and they already see you as a threat thinking u wont allow dia son do things for them and in all sincerity once u get married,,ur man will drop some of the load he is carrying from his family cos he now has a wife to care for and with the arrival of the kids,,,u should know ur home will turn to battle ground cos dis in-laws will compete and fight with you and ur kids to d last......but if u think ur guy is strong willed enough and will fight anyone on ur behalf(which i doubt from ur story) then you may go ahead but with serious prayers ooo cos d fight may not only be physical but also spiritual......as for the pregnancy,,,i dont know what to say about that cos i dont support abortion too but this issue is a delicate one...God help u as u make ur decision...
ReplyDeleteIts sad but people don't understand and I see no advice just cussing and swearing,life is so unfair...
ReplyDeleteAm a man,my family is not poor yet we are not rich,my father had business set back he never picked up from,my mother being a civil servant carried the family and now she is retired,I actually asked her to retire because she is tired... I have an only sister and an only brother with my little cousin living with us... My mother gave me her gratuity to start up my life,won't it be selfish of me to be thinking about marriage like every body is looking up to me... I decided to be single and not in any relationship... My choice my cross my burden, my mother at a point wanted a daughter inlaw and a grandchild and am just 26+ now poster I strongly believe that your story is not complete,people don't just change tell yourself the truth why did the love change,they talked about "control" of their brother what role did your own family play,invitation is out,wedding planed...,nigerians please let's help ourselves and use our brains and not mouth,please marry ur man since he is begging you, in the end its him you will marry not his family but don't let him forget or stop his duties at home,that house he will build for his father will be ur house,and that car will be ur car...
Please think again don't be selfish becos I know and have the picture in my head,as for my case I will take care of my family and when I see somebody that will take my people as her people I will simply take her people as my people as well... Goodluck!!!! remember two wrongs........... My name is chinedu am in ajman
Chinedu, I am Igbo too and I understand you.... You have spoken well.... But chinedu you are still too young to get marry at 26.... You have until 6-8 years to build ur parents and your siblings.... Chinedu these are things you should do before you bring in a wife.... Yes, so dat ur wife comes into a happy family and not a hateful one.... Ur sis should get married and give ur mum grandkids.....Marriage is a serious issue here.... Some families go as far as killing their Son's wife or killing her children.... So please do whatever you have to do for your family before getting married to save your poor wife a life of hatred.... Like I said you still have about 6-8yrs inugo.
DeleteAnon 4:30pm......ur story is a bit different from poster's story.....from ur story ur mum does not come across like someone who doesnt want u to marry bcos of d sacrifices she made.....it is you who has decided not to marry cos u believe in d saying: "to whom much is given,,much is expected"...unlike poster's father inlaw to be who thinks all his demands must be met before his son can marry......did d father consider d financial strength of his son???what if it takes him anoda decade to meet his father's demands,,he wont marry till then??dat man is been selfish unlike ur mum.........all d same,,its nice having it in mind dat u hav to take care of ur parents...moreso u are just 26 and u still have more time as a guy to hustle...
DeleteChinedu, u r 26+? Lemme assume we myt be agemates.
DeleteMy husband is 10years my senior and he didn't get married because he had to take care of his siblings. Now, his 2 younger ones work with nnpc n shell, his 2 sisters are medical doctors and each time I look at him, I am proud of him but that was his choice. His parents were always trying to matchmake him but he knew what he wanted.
Its very diFficult to get married into a family that doesn't accept you. So, poster, I advice that you keep your baby(your mum wiLl help you out, I am sure) and let the guy sort his family issues. If U find someone else, go ahead but don't tie yourself down with inlaw iSsues......
Your Fiance (not husband) has allowed his family to address you any which way, you are asking questions. If your man was firm, none of this would have gotten to you or a meeting would be called to curb this nonsense. As many others have said...take this lesson and run with it. Sometimes, God shows us things to ensure we do not fall in a trap. There is nothing wrong in honoring your family but I bet your guy does not have a house of his own. It is left to you but all I see here are signs screaming that you should run. It is not even about the money, it is about the respect they have for you (or lack of) and what lies ahead. Take it from me, love will not conquer this one. Your not so firm husband will just quietly allow you to "bear" the ill treatment from the family. God help you, if something happens along the line. You will be treated like the bottom of your shoe. Be sensible and do the needful now. Your pain will ease up sooner or later. Meanwhile, keep that baby. You were not absent when the baby was being formed so own up to that responsibility biko.
ReplyDeleteAnon 4:30, your story is a nice one. I see where you are coming from and I advice you to be there for your family but please know that when you get married, you have to think of your new family. What you need to do now is work on getting your Mum or Dad set up business wise. Do not bring a wife and kids into the matter and have them competing for your resources. It seems your Mum is not the typical and she will not make your wife's life a living hell but my guy, as women we know what we see. If you get new blouse, mother, sister and cousins will be squeezing nose because they did not get. Abeg na! Anyway this is why I always say, women have something before you marry. No one can talk to you anyhow because they know you came in with yours...it is not just their sons/brothers money. Then the man can take care of his family without them coming after you.
ReplyDeletehonestly,m as confused as you re right now...if m to talk ehn,i'll jus cuss out ur inlaws taya today...am jus so annoyed right now..so he shud build a house fr dem first??wen z he gon build z own,biko?? Whc kain rubbish inlaws b dz one,e gba mi ooo...pls kip ur baby,dnt dare abort it.dz might jus be ur trial tym...God will surely see u tru it...i feel ur pain,dear.pray without season...it z well wiv yu..pls dnt abort dat child.abortion z a sin.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I'm going to be honest with you. A guy that can't stand beside does not deserve a baby from you. This guy and his family have issues. If you go and tell them you are pregnant they will say you are trying to trap him into a marriage they oppose. You will never be accepted. Have a termination and move on. Don't tell him. Dumb the guy. You've dumped other guys so you aren't doing something you've never done. This guy and his family don't deserve you. God will help you find another man.
ReplyDeleteI feel for u. Its really not easy. U need to think deep. Its unfortunate u hv nothing doin bt it all boils down to d man and also poverty. I remember sm yrs back watch my friend went thru dis. Hers was bad cos she had d moni but dey tot it was their brother's. She did everything in d wedding , thy cm and started complaining hw she'd squandered his moni on wedding. It was hell for her bt smhw d guy loved her so much so she stuck to dat and she was pregnant and desperate to get married,so she was ready to fight with dem. Lol. It was hell after marriage, d guy tk sides with his family. Thy almost divorced,all dis period thy were living on her savings,though he had a job bt nothing big. Luckily he started a biz and it kicked off well. Thy still misbehave smtimes bt since he settles everybodi well,its not as bad as b4. Nw she doesn thv any moni and depends on him too. Their own poverty was so bad we was d only educated one cos he struggled to go to skull. My advice to u is start thinking fast of anything to do dat wil bring moni and hv a good talk with ur fiance. If he can stamp his feet on smthings den u can endure if nt I dnt knw wht to advice cos ir wnt be so easy. Bt dnt be in a haste to end things and u need to start wearing angerproof if dis guy is ready to mk it work.
ReplyDeleteIts such an unfortunate situation. But nobody knows tomorrow. We do not choose our inlaws. We only choose our husband. Now that you are pregnant, the pathway is already setting itself. It all depends on if your man is man enough to weather his familys onslaught. If he can stand up for himself and yourself-then go with him as he has requested. If he wants to go ahead with the wedding,then please do so.
ReplyDeleteDon't get cowed by the greedy in laws. They will all find their square root as time goes on- If your man sticks up for you. But if he doesn't and allows all those insults and abuses to continue without saying anything, then now is the time to bow out.
Mtcheeeeeew! U should have asked this question before calling ur wedding off...I hate Lilly livered and weak women...It's like u prefer being a single mother to being a married mother..For crying out loud,u are pregnant...If u dare abort that baby out of your stupidityu will live to regret it...
ReplyDeleteSince the guy is begging u to continue with the wedding,why don't u go ahead with him? Must u get his family blessing before u can live happily with ur husband? The only blessing u need is from God Almighty..Call their bluff and get married to ur man but don't stop him from helping his family...They will soon come around...Be nice to them!
But i don't get, they shud ve told u, u cant marry dere son before printing the IV now, well I just feel dey dont want u to marry dere son dat why dey r using this xcuse of him building a huse for them, but men to get bad inlaw is bad o, better not to marry from dem at all but dis one dat u r pregnant I really don't know what to say, just pray they ve a change of mind
ReplyDeletePeople saying you should go ahead with the marriage need to understand that a marriage is not just the joining of two individuals, it's also a joining of both families. Going ahead with the marriage is likely to cause a huge rift. Granted, your supposed husband doesn't want you to leave or terminate the pregnancy, but what would his disposition be in a few years? Probably not in talking terms with his family and resenting you, maybe secretly blaming you. The truth is no matter how much we sugarcoat it, his happiness would never be complete. which in turn would affect yours.
ReplyDeleteThe so-called family loved you till they saw Invitation cards. I really don't understand that part. Dint they know you guys were planning a wedding? There's a gap there. Something happened to cause the shift. Anyway my point is do not enter a home where you wouldn't have peace of mind.
It this all? Is there any other reason for their refusal?are you Igbo? Is the osu caste stuff involved ? If yes run as far as your legs can carry you.
ReplyDeleteAbeg mind my spellings and grammar, my fone got stuck couldn't mk corrections.
ReplyDeleteIs the guy from Abia state? That was exactly the same thing I heard from Nwaogu's family when their son wanted to marry me. I took off 2 weeks from the wedding and never looked back. That would have a grave mistake. Poverty is a sin!
ReplyDeleteD realistic fin to do is to abort d baby and move on,(Ask for God's mercy) dis guy who can't fight for u now, will neva fight for u eveen in d marriage. Even if u tell his family u re preggy, dey wud fink u want to tie him down wiv a child and u mite look desperate btw, how wud u take care of d child once he or she is born? Have u tot of raising a child in ur jobless state? My dear u better shine ya eyes well well and face reality mehn! U nid to 1st put ur two legs standing on d floor b4 u even fink of settling or having a child for a man who isn't ready to fight for u! You can't take him away from his family jst v it @ d bk of ur head, and his family jst showed u little of wat dey a capable of doing, don't wait and see d rest cos u mite regret or blame urself @ d end! Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteAsk God for mercy? This our God is very tolerant. "Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?"
DeleteYes, the man can't put his feet on the ground but its not the childs fault. Her mum will help her while she starts something, teaching in a small school around your parents house will help.
My dear, leave that man if he is not man enough to marry you. That his father is a wizard, ur spirit probably is disturbing him hence he doesn't want u as a duaghter inlaw. As for d witch sisters, don't worry na for altar man go disappoint them.... Karma is a bitch!
ReplyDeletePoster, same thing happened to me! We eventually got married after so much drama.Then my journey through hardship began! Emotionally, financially and spiritually, I suffered! I was seen as a rival! I endured all through the grace of God and my parents. He built the house and trained his younger ones to schools.Thinking I would be free from their demands after so many years is an understatement! They still want more!
ReplyDeleteMy take on this matter is that you SHOULD NOT abort the pregnancy and DON'T marry into that family because they would make life a living hell for you! Be thanking God for delivery you from a very unhappy marriage because he would be under their influence
Well said anon 4pm, minus the abortion part tho. Move on and keep the baby, that's the reward u get for indulging in pre-marital sex. If u refuse to, then be prepared to fight a war for the rest of your life. Kapish.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, pls kip ur baby, I passed through d same issue, in my own case they even delayed our getting married, I cried my life out cos I was also pregnant. I had to call their bluff n cancel all the wedding arrangements, n ds rily annoyed dem cos dey didn't belif I Cd, dey felt I was vulnerable cos of d pregnancy , even though my guy was insisting we go ahead but cdnt cos I saw he cdnt challenge his parent n stand for us, thk God 4 my parent n sis n also dat I was working. Involve ur parent, v ur baby n get a job,look ard 4 wot u can still do now 2 help ur finance. I pray God give u d grace 2 ovacome ds phase of ur life.
ReplyDeleteStay with him in what regard? As a live-in lover? Can't you too do a court wedding? Keep it on Dl? P.s- your man is weak!
ReplyDeleteGet rid of the guy and the pregnancy and move on!!
ReplyDeleteI am the poster and I really appreciate all ur comments and it has helped me to take a decision. just yesterday, my mother in-law came crying to me and begging that she is not a party to all these.my fiancé too has vowed to go ahead with the wedding not minding what the rest of the family thinks. my family is a comfortable one and all my 3 siblings are all graduates while he is the only degree holder and his siblings ND holders so the issue of gold digging is out of it. I have decided to keep the baby and go ahead with the marriage since I have the support of my fiancé and his mother. all along, the entire family were supportive and we even had a successful marriage introduction last December so am still baffled why this has to come up now. I have gone on my knees just like some of u adviced and if there is more to these that meet the eye, God will see me through. if I cant get a job with my degree (I have tried to get one, but no success yet)I will look for money to start a small business and I will support my husband to help him do what he must do for them. I really appreciate u all, and thanks aunty Stella for the opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear ur MIL is on ur side!please marry ur man and have ur baby in ur matrimonial home...
DeletePoster, anu e shemi( i pity you) You kuku see trouble before you go meet am. Good luck.,
DeleteMy dear u do NOT have to do anything to pls them. If u must support anyone let it be ur husband and kids. Forget about their frivolities and face ur own life and family
DeleteSmh for some in laws they are obviously bad people
ReplyDeleteFirst time to comment, I couldn't help it.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not for children but for adults who have decided (made up their minds) to be with each other for the rest of their lives. Did that young man really decide to be with you? If he did, all he should ask of his parents is their blessing. He should stand his ground. Did they not know when he proposed? Did they not come for introduction only to now change their mind?
His parents are just being mean & selfish. I have one question. The guy's father, did he build a house for his own father before he married?
My dear, if you were from a very rich family, they will be the one pushing/begging for the marriage.
Call the young man, seat him down and have a heart to heart chat with him on why he should carry on with the wedding.
Whatever you do in life, people must talk.
Step 1. You already called off the wedding? Wise girl. I wonder why people are asking you to still go ahead.
ReplyDeleteStep 2. Plan to keep your baby.
Step 3. Get something doing to make you financially independent
Step 4. Start looking towards a life without this man or his poverty ridden family.
You will survive, trust me. It happened to me. I was a graduate, pregnant for a guy whose family suddenly turned against me saying their son had to travel to the U.K to send money home to them so I shouldn't tie him down. I wept, I cried but in the end,I cut my losses, had my baby, gave the baby to my mother and went back to school for my Masters degree. He travelled to the UK just like his family wanted and that was the end. The relationship fizzled out. Today I am married to the best man in the world- a medical doctor,who has a chain of businesses-we don't have any financial problem at all. He treats the child I had for that first guy just like his own and he spoils me silly. To crown it all, his mother just loves me. Apparently, she also had a similar story like mine many years ago so she was able to accept the fact that her son wanted to marry a girl who already had a child. So poster dear, save yourself a lot of anguish. Forget about marriage into that family. But-Don't abort. Keeping the child may just be the very reason that the window of good luck may now open for you later. Children have a way of bringing blessings. Their angels are right before the presence of God. Dont abort.
Are we not the said inlaws? How do we treat others? Bc these inlaws we re talking about dint come from another planet. We are our own enemies. Imagine d sisters calling to insult? Forgetting that they will one day go to another gilrs brother. Be careful the way you treat other peoples brothers n sisters o
ReplyDeleteJenny
Are we not the said inlaws? How do we treat others? Bc these inlaws we re talking about dint come from another planet. We are our own enemies. Imagine d sisters calling to insult? Forgetting that they will one day go to another gilrs brother. Be careful the way you treat other peoples brothers n sisters o
ReplyDeleteJenny
i married a man who is the first child and the bread winner of his family.....you wont years down the line am yet to have a child cos the mother is being diabolical and still wants him to take care of the family first......i know this from personal revelation and what i have been told in the place of prayers....my own family is comfortable and they are of no burden but my hubby spends all his money on his family and himself......thank God i earn a very good salary so i have no financial burden.......thank God for his grace that has kept me and i know her days are numberered because God is using this experience to build me up spiritually and i know my children are coming soon......my dear poster you have not married yet so you have no vow of better or worse to keep......tell your family so they can support you while you keep your pregnancy......give this relationship a break so the man can decide what he truly wants....trust me this kind of family can go diabolical with this kind of mentality.....you dont need such drama in your life...keep your head up, this is not the end of life and better a broken engagement than a divorce..
ReplyDeletethis chinedu what the hell are you yarning there? so because they say she is controlling their son you assume they are telling the truth? families like your where one person carries the burden is a problem......my husband is in the same shoes and his family even dares to think what ever we do is their brothers money when even my salary is twice his own......all my five siblings are graduates and working theirs jobs but my hubby spends all his money on his family....they are always making one demand or the other.......honestly in hindsight i would not have married him cos the stress is too much.....Nigerians just have this stupid mentality of expecting family members to carry all their burdens without making any effort to help themselves......be there and don't marry till you are 40 because you want to take care of your family
ReplyDeleteYou are very sick like seriously you are mad,what do you live for?who do you live for...
DeleteSelfish retarded woman
Lol, poster, you are going ahead? Goodluck.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteTo the man:Genesis 2:18 And The Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him.
Genesis 2:24 this is why a man leaves his father and his mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh
To the mans family:
Proverbs 19:14 house and wealth are inherited from father, but a prudent wife is from The Lord.
See also Eph 5:25-26 and 31-33.
Young couple, pray on this and know that The Lord is with you.
To the man:Genesis 2:18 And The Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him.
ReplyDeleteGenesis 2:24 this is why a man leaves his father and his mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh
To the mans family:
Proverbs 19:14 house and wealth are inherited from father, but a prudent wife is from The Lord.
See also Eph 5:25-26 and 31-33.
Young couple, pray on this and know that The Lord is with you.
To the man:Genesis 2:18 And The Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him.
ReplyDeleteGenesis 2:24 this is why a man leaves his father and his mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh
To the mans family:
Proverbs 19:14 house and wealth are inherited from father, but a prudent wife is from The Lord.
See also Eph 5:25-26 and 31-33.
Young couple, pray on this and know that The Lord is with you.