I sent in the story LIVING WITH A SECRETIVE SPOUSE and this is what i have decided.....
It's almost 4 am and my blood stream is pumped up with adrenaline from my 007 James Bond moves I have been doing with my husband...
I read all the response over and over again, I cried my eyes out at some of them, laughed out loud at others and smh at the rest but in a good way and finally I have decided snooping is what I really want.
I sorted out my priorities and discovered that what bothers me more is how much he really owns as that would solve a whole tons of crisis creeping up in our marriage concerning budget etc and that is what I have put myself to find out.
In less than two hours of making sure he's fast asleep. I got his account numbers through his super protected phone, snapped his ATMs cards and I hope I can walk boldly to his banks and ask for his bank statement.
If as his wife, am not his next of kin I don't know how that will play out. But I have plan b and c already laid out. Now I know the saying... When a woman makes up her mind to be a detective there's nothing stoping her.
As for the rest like his car when it is right I'll bully him to drive his car, if that doesn't work, I'd just take the damn keys and drive out. If he's cheating?! Oh well his loss because I won't leave him like I always thought I would but I'd make his life miserable! He'd beg for a divorce... No more good wife syndrome here comes a militant.
Don't wonder why I decided to fight for what is mine roughly, my brothers and sisters before I came to Stella's blog I have tried all options, talk, cry, plead, throw tantrums, pacify and pray but all to no avail so now am fighting for me.
He wants individual privacy good, I'd give him that and more but not until I satisfy my curiosity.
A super-duper, colossal, incredible, Stellalicious thank you to everyone that took their time to read my story!
Oh Stellastica how can I thank you enough for posting my story for Osho-free o?
You all are amazing!! Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!! And God bless you all .
Amen..
*LOL...Okay wish you all the best...stay positive.
Lol.... and stella's blog has created a rebel ooo.. go poster, follow ur heart n do what makes u happy
ReplyDeleteYep! Go 4 it gul!!! When a girl makes up her Mind... Just dnt over react if u find out his cheating on u. Good luck Bae.
DeleteU r beginning to create problem in ur marriage with ur own hand...clap for urself.I pray it's not too late b4 u realise d rubbish u r doing(creating problem where there's none)
DeleteLol. Buh I kinda like d fact dat u hv eventually decided on wat 2do. I luv takinq responsibilities 4 my actions. B ready 2do dat 2. Cos I bet u will receive d shocker of ur life wif wat u will discover. Gudluck
DeleteMy dear poster, PLEASE take it easy with your husband. I see him as an introvert and maybe shy. Don't go to search for things that you will latter regrate. 'COS it may cost lives. Trust me, he will change with time. I've passed through WORSE situation. With patience,perseverance and PRAYERS i'm smiling now. Don't listen to bad friends. Anybody that tells you that her husband treats her like a goddess, nwanne BORROW LEG JOIN YOUR OWN AND RUN AWAY FROM THAT PERSON. Work your marriage out. You shall overcome. Just be patient.
DeleteI'd applaud ur decision to an extent. And that is his legal documents, health reports and financial statetments. Cos there's nothing as painful as living with a man as a wife and something tragic happens (God forbid) and u realise his sibling is listed as d next-of-kin. Knowing his state of health is also important, as per congenital or terminal ailments, STIs n all dat.
DeleteAs for his social lyf...hmm...I pray God gives u wisdom to go abt wat u'll d out o.
I'd applaud ur decision to an extent. And that is his legal documents, health reports and financial statetments. Cos there's nothing as painful as living with a man as a wife and something tragic happens (God forbid) and u realise his sibling is listed as d next-of-kin. Knowing his state of health is also important, as per congenital or terminal ailments, STIs n all dat.
DeleteAs for his social lyf...hmm...I pray God gives u wisdom to go abt wat u'll d out o.
Dear poster that is good for you,but do not break your marriage because of your husband's bank account statement. Like they say curiosity kills the rat. Do not come back here and cry had i know.
DeleteHmmm I love strong and assertive women because I am one myself. But I dont think I like the tone of ur 'vengeance' mode madame. I commented on ur earlier post but I do not subscribe to the 'violent taketh it by force' approach because it will NOT pay in the long run.
DeleteHere's what I think will happen when u start this wahala. It will not be btw u two again, he will tell his family that u grabbed his atm card illegally and proceeded to the bank to request his bank details unlawfully. And they'll think u have a hidden agenda apart from just wanting to be a part of his finances. Some may even suggest that perhaps u want him dead. Trust me, pple can be crazy.
Ur hubby is not likely to inform them that uv been having issues about this prior to now, what u now do is what everyone will see and judge. And when u start to regret ur own actions, Stella and the rest of us the SDKers will not be there to receive u.
I suggest that u thread carefully madame. These are his individual rights mind u, though u should know because u are his wife. But if he's not doing as we all expect it to be, No one can force him. Mind u within marriage there's still every right to have individual rights and privacy. There's no guiding law in the constitution of marriage that says that he MUST submit every detail to his wife. Although it is bad, but eh! My opinion. May God help u.
Poster you did not tell us how long you have been married. A lot of men take a while to completely open up to their wives after they have earned her trust and respect. Are you such a wife to be trusted and respected???
DeleteTrust me millions of men have been ruined by their so called wives so maybe your oga is waiting untill he's sure he can fully trust you. Also you don't know his past experience with trust issues cos they say once beaten twice shy. There's so much you are not telling us.
When u get all these info and he finds out, then that's the last u will ever know cos u will erase the small trust he had for u.
In ur early post u said ur husband loves you and I believe he takes care of his responsibilities, so y all these. Nnem respect and trust are "earned" and not forced.
Respect ur marriage and be patient. Even bible says a foolish woman tears down her home with her own hands.
Get some wisdom my dear.
My 3 cents.
Go girl
ReplyDeleteLol madam poster, I don't know what part of the world you live in but you CANNOT boldly walk into the bank and ask for details of your husband's account if it's not a joint account. Unless he is dead and you have to produce a power of attorney to prove that he can no longer handle his finances.
DeleteYour plans do not seem well thought out. They seem like rash actions of a woman scorned bent on smoking out a rat. Maybe you should see a marriage counsellor before you cross a line that can't be uncrossed.
Go wat? Sorry madam poster but u sound very stupid nd greedy. Now, I can actually understand why ur husband hides his financial details frm u. Not every woman dt cries victim is one. Som men made a big mistake of marrying materialistic wives, hence d need to hide acct details nd assets. If he provides most of wat u need, why go to this extent to find out his worth? U hav ulterior motives, but get ready for d outcome cos, definitely u can NEVER succeed in coercin d truth out of dt secretiv man. Wen u loose ur hom, dnt cry to ds blog.
DeletePoster couldn't comment on d initial post cuz I was a bit under the weather. I pray God gives you the wisdom to handle this. My bible verse of d day Jeremiah 20:11
ReplyDeletePoster, I'm begining to think all you want is attention. Snap his ATM cards from here to Aba, banks won't give you any info cos its unethical to do that. Do whatever you want to do and get a life already. Must you tell us everything? Hian!
ReplyDeleteHope you also tell us what soup you plan to make for him tonight. Shiooor!
Abeg swerve outta here. You lack human compassion. Mtcheeeeww
DeleteSmh 4 pepo like u!i pray u don't get into such a confused situation where all u need is to vent,speak 2 som1..Anuofia!
DeleteHow can she be looking for attention when you have no idea who she is? Do u know her identity? The poster came back to say thank you and all you can say is tag her an attention seeker. If she didn't say thank you, you will still call her ungrateful abeg swerve oh! U think from ur anus
DeleteCould this 3 Anon be one person? #Just a question!!!
Delete@Didi, the poster is obviously the 3 Anon above. Let her continue with her CIA project, she wud soon find what she's snooping for.
DeleteHahahahahahah....poster,I commend you for that....you are taking a good bold step...I don't think the bank people go give you his account details ooohhh...OR,do you have someone that works with the bank he use?....well,good luck in your investigations and please tell us how everything went so some of us can learn....
ReplyDeleteYes o! Pls keep us updated as to how and wat u discovered. So pple wif such cases will read n learn, mbok. All the best.
DeleteKeep us updated...we'l be here to wish u 'happy divorced life' we u finally mess up ur home
DeleteLol. I love ur military spirit woman... don't be left in the dark 4 2long....
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
ReplyDeleteKay, hi five, baybee.....drive d damn car, jeez.....in other countries, u need to see the cars they use as cabs.
ReplyDeleteAs for the bank statements, madam, I dunno o....I just think you should leave the financial aspect and deal with other aspects first.
Well, goodluck.
Poster... I totally agree with Mrs D.
DeleteLeave d bank bullcrap for now... Be strong.
Now that's the spirit sis! I love ur decision...
ReplyDeleteAll the best with ur decision
ReplyDeleteEven if you are the next of kin, the bank CANNOT give you his bank details, except you present them with his death certificate. The best you can do is to use his ATM to get his balance.
ReplyDeleteAnd planning to be a 'bad' wife won't make him come around, you'll just push him away and add cheating to your problems
So wat shld she do?keep lookn like ode?didn't u read her sayn she has tried all options?cry,pacify,plead etc..wat else?I tink she has taken d rite step in d rite direction!guys who tink dey can fustrate a woman till thy kingdom com shld learn 4rom dis..no woman is a mumu..if she gives u peace n u say bomb dey ur head,den b ready 2 get d oda dirty side!shikena
DeleteExactly my thought ok
DeleteExactly
DeleteU wan go request for bank statement? #onechance
ReplyDeleteMy dear he could have a seperate account where he's stashed up the money. Wash your eye with dettol and spirit. Leave this guy alone and face your meat. Do you. Allow him provide what he has to provide for. If he doesn't do it and it's important to you, do your thing joh! Forget that gist of two become one, when the chips are down all man go answer e papa name. Fight for you and your ultimate goal should be your happiness. Good luck and yes I agree to militancy. Do not accept any form of amnesty if you no see result.
My dear jux tak it easy! Fight 4 wat s urs but sufrisufri ooo yes men r smart but I think women r smarter,but dy feel dy r d all in all 4getin dat yes dy r d HEAD but we r d NECK and witout d neck d head canot move. All d bst dr but ur plan C shld be if it back fires u v somwher 2 go & u ve enough in ur acct to sustain u for d time being....Go Lady Go
DeleteSholamatty
Regret will be the end of this saga which you have started. Respect yourself and stop the snooping
ReplyDeleteMadam don't go &giv urself HBP oh..that sh*t kills faster than cancer now. Anyways,na u sabi. Woreva rocks ur boat.. #Happysnooping#.
ReplyDeleteJames Bond stuff shey?
ReplyDeleteOLUWABÖßßÝ
Pls dont dare go to d bank.
ReplyDeleteI advised u to snoop but snoop with caution.
I did not see anything cautious in this ur response.
Dont go and dig a hole for urself.
I beg u not to go yo d bank cos if u go yhey wld never give u he's balance.
I work in a bank. Next of kin does not give u license yo gunds, even if God forbid ur hubbu dies u cant touch d money unless u ve a court order.
Plus if u go to d bank dey wld probably tell ur hisbands acct officer who wld tell ur husband.
Do u want to expose urself like this?
Be wise o
Nne, it seems you have a good marriage except for oga's secrecy. Why u wan ruin am?? At least oga no de maltreat you and so on. From the way you sound, it seems you don't have a job??? Why don't you try and busy yourself with something that will remove your mind from all these Nancy Drew moves you wan do. Well if na wat rocks your boat, so long as you steer in in the right direction and it does not capsize. *but part 3 no go still bad to hear too. Nti na ako mu uko*
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand Poster is why are u so bent on the financial aspect#scratches hair#its sending a wrong signal sha...infact if he finds out he will accuse u of planning to kill him before his time cos of inheritance!
ReplyDeletePersonn say he no wan share him money,leave am na!look for a way of managing with ur own!
As a matter of fact anyway,most african men are selfish!if they are the ones making the big bucks,they will never agree to joint acct or letting u know what they are worth,but I notice if it's woman making the money,they will want to manipulate or even coerce her to do a joint acct,dats when they will remember 'the two have become one'blah blah blah!....women be wise!!
Exactly o. She forgets that most pple advising her are not even married themselves. Or dont have the same issues.
DeletePoster, if u still have ur mom around or an elder with wisdom, I suggest that u spk to her about this. No mother will encourage u to start what u are about to. Well, no good mother. Even if ur hubby is bad, there are methodical ways to get what u want from ANY man without force. It is called WISDOM. But the borrowed 'wisdom' which u garnered and is giving u a wrong signal now, shall soon be confounded by foolishness from above. A word they say is enough for the wise.
See dis woman o! Who told u d bank will give u his statement/balance? U're on a very long thing mahn! Look 4 another thing 2 do or say cos dat will neva happen.
ReplyDeleteDear poster make sure u kip us posted in d course of ur investigation plus detection as for now *lips sealed*
ReplyDeleteMy issue is that my bf is arrogant o! I have tried talking to him to no avail. Forr example he can't ask anybody for help simply coz he doesn't want to be talked to anyhow, or told no or give the person something to hang over his head!
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't know how to be regular like d close of day gist when u get home etc.
Am I over reacting or what?
i don't think you need all this bruhahah...to me its like you are jobless and have too much time to snoop around...calm down and don't push the man gosh! don't take a move that you will later regret and come on here crying crocodile cry for sdkers to pray for you. Shior!
ReplyDeleteWomen sha!
Sweetie don't rebel o..be smart,thats different from rebel. DEMAND a monthly upkeep,its your right same way your body is his right. Open an account and builld it up with his money,from your story your husband isn't poor or managing. Be pleasant now more than ever,clean up your looks,look your best at all times,further your studies/vocation..already have a developed skill? Polish it properly,broaden your horizon,keep your business to your self (he's secretive abi). Snoop around to know his moves,but NEVER EVER use it for brewing trouble (you'll only chase him away) Be good to your inlaws,above all dedicate your free time to the service of God,you'll have less time to notice his BS and he will notice you not noticing him anymore. .. if you need someone to encourage and pray with you once in a while do call; +2348061273721. Selah!
ReplyDeleteDon't go n make a fool of ursef @ d bank woman, nobody is gon giv u nada! If it's snooping u wanna do, fine, seems u've made up ur mind 4d worse...
ReplyDeleteU'll av to exercise patience o, if not he would suspect somtin is fishy
Just keep using his sleeping fingerprints to get d infos u need everynight, he gets alert from his bank each time he makes transactions na. You'll get to see his balance one day or prolly his pay slips through his company's email acct.
Check his mails often (that's if he has it registered on that iPhone bt am guessing he should) u'll get som infos
Then check his BBM chats to find out if dere is another woman, Mayb a constant gf or he is serial cheat.
His whatsapp too, his media folder, pictures, videos, voice note. There is one app called media hide, check that too... when ur doing dis, do not act, he shouldn't suspect u at all just be calm and when done wit ur findings, u'll have to strategies and prioritize if not u'll module everything up.
Come back to giv us gist u hear?
Goodluck...
Hmmm....expert!
DeleteDidn't you read her first story where she said eh finer protects all the apps you are asking her to go thru? The woman has done her spying before she came crying to stella so now her last option is to snoop. I agree with you to say she shouldn't go to the bank that will be a bad move on her side
DeleteWonder why you seeked advice at first whereas your mind have been strategized on the war to wage into ur home.. I just pity you maka chi, you sound more like a troublesome wife, looking for trouble where they seem to be none if you had a job doing i doubt you be this jobless snooping around ur husby.. Get a life madam poster that's if this ur story ain't fake cos u are now making it a big thing as u crave for publicity thru ur prolix. Not ur fault sha, if you had paid for the first am sure u ant have the "CHANGE to write the second and send in.. Come to think of it, this account balance of a thing u are hell bent on, i just hope u ain't trying to eliminate ur husby thinking u are his next of kin to allow u bring in ur small boyfriend. Its a new month so you better rise up and dust ur self and shun this noise making and wasting of blog visitors efforts, energy et al in bid of advising a woman that knows it all already... I wish you a happy suicide as you plan well to waste your happy home
ReplyDeleteN:B; forgive me sdkers and aunty stella if i was rude pls sometimes some things are better tackled the hard way... You guys really need to see reasons with me and call out on this abusive trouble busybody house wife to mind her business and let the sleeping dog lie biko kwa. Thanks
@i_ChoPtas_Not
What if your hubby reads this blog? You two fit each other. James Bond and Jane Bond. Ha ha.
ReplyDeletePoster.....dis us serious ooo...i hope d steps u are about to take are not too extreme and i hope u dont cause more harm tha good to urself and ur home......as for the acct details......NO BANK WILL GIVE U except u know someone inhouse.....it is well...
ReplyDeleteNo bank wil give his details #fact#
ReplyDeleteMadam, just go to the bank like that? You are a real learner gan ni. Unless you have an inside person of oh, don't try that shit before they call the po-po on ur behind. Listen and listen well, try and access account info by phone first, see if he's protecting it any code before you walk blindly into the bank. That's his money we talking about baby, unless it's crumbs, then he won't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteThat's d spirit babes. Goodluck dear.
ReplyDeleteYou have time,find something to keep yourself busy instead of creating issues for yourself. Your snooping won't answer your questions and you won't like the end result. Being a militant won't make you a better wife either.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Anyway sha, I hope it won't get to the stage where we'll have to send e-kleenex
ReplyDelete@Poster why go through so much stress? Why don't u check his email since u want to snoop, because his consolidated statement for the month must have been sent to him. That is the new policy for banks now based on IFRS. Going to the bank with his atm is extreme, if anything goes wrong he can accuse you of wanting to kill him so u can have his properties. You want to know how much he has? Check his email.
ReplyDeleteGoodluck!
Your mind is made to be a detective .goodluck
ReplyDeleteU rock girl. Stop being too suspicious and just relax. Okay?
ReplyDeleteRide on babe
ReplyDeleteYou've chosen to play a dangerous game but as long as you've prepared your mind for the consequences of your findings, you should be fine. By the way, no bank will give you your husband's statement without his permission. Good luck trying though.
ReplyDeleteBabe you know in your heart all is not well. All the snooping will not help, what if you find something bad...will you confront him? I fear secretive men o and I know they can be quite dangerous. Let us not hear "my husband is pummeling me" story abeg. Just face yourself, get your own bank account up. This man will soon pull out a shocker soon and then you will really need all your resources. Like someone said up top. God will help you. All these bond moves are for the trained. The cry cry emotional woman will end up betraying herself.
ReplyDeleteNa wa oo. Some people are praying for peace, while others are working very hard not to have it. Hmmmm...don't worry ur husband babe go dey here dey advise u under anonymous say ride on.
ReplyDeleteMe I will not tell anybody sorry or join in prayer wen wahala happen oo. A word is enough for the wise!
Stella its right time you stop posting some thing like this here abeg,,this is from a brainless pikin,u go bank nd u collect another person infos_?simple seek for a divorce than to be doing such,becos surely he must force u out from his home very soon,you are breaking ur own heart madam,nd then u will not find any friend to stand with,noon
ReplyDeletePeople saying poster should enjoy her marriage clearly don't know anything about marriage. She's not.enjoying but suffering. When your husband can't share even his car with her but with his brother,mehn,that's bad. Although I don't think you need to know the exact amount he makes cos of his ego,but he needs to give you a round up figure...
ReplyDeleteInstead of going James bond on him,this is what I think you should do
1. Look for the password to his mails,there you would find his account details.. You would see the statement of account there... Banks send that monthly... Since he feels you don't know his password,he wouldn't delete it
2. Demand for monthly allowance. Its your right.. He needs to take care of you. If he doesn't bring money,keep yours. Don't even cook with your or.buy any house stuffs until he starts bringing,then you both can make your budget for the month
3. Demand for the car keys,that's if you are a good driver. If you are not,go and learn. If you are,demand for it. If he refuses,take the key one day he's home and drive out without telling him. When you come back,tell him the car is safe and sound
4. If you want to know if he's cheating,go thru BBM,whatsapp,pictures,videos,voice note.. If he uses iPhone,check media hide..
5. Take good care of yourself and look sexier than he met you..
6. Keep your own secrets too. Just smile all the time.. Sing,laugh,rejoice,he would keep wondering... And men don't like wondering... It burns them
never disclose or use whatever you dig against him. Don't even mention it,cos he would know you snooped. The beat snooping is when the person you are snooping on doesn't know you are snooping on them. Apply wisdom
wisdom is very profitable to direct. Any other thing you have concerns about should be tackle with wisdom. Don't go declaring war you wouldn't be able to finish
You can then decide to do whatever you want to do with the info's you find. Learnt all this when I was with my ex,thank God I left the liar with my virginity intact,he didn't deserve it..
madam,take everything easy and importantly,keep praying.. It might take months,years,days or weeks but all would work out the way you wish it to be..
Madam...did u marry him cos of his bank stmts? I thk u re focusing on unimportant things.I pray u guys dnt start having problems bcos of ur actions.U said u prayed n nothing happened? It means u have not prayed enough! P.U.S.H! Pray Until Something Happens!A lot of pple want answers immediately they pray.God may be testing ur patience but since u want to fight the battle urself, I wish u well.I pray u 'll enjoy his mercy.
ReplyDeleteI ll also advise u add value to urself n enhance ur career.If u re earning well, u wont be bothered abt what hubby has or doesnt have.
ReplyDeleteU said it all @Qutie,nothing to hide except she shudnt discuss anytin wt her inlaws....stop jisting/opening up to d man....but b alert so u can get his password...datz hw I got my guy'z facebook password...I knw all hs moves...I found out a lot...I was shocked..bt now I'v gotten over it cos He changed to good...but I still hav hs password n I monitor him 4 life...lol ...Detective dey sweet o, but its heartbreaking o cos d thing go dey push me mke I go check agn everytime,n if I no do am,I no go rest...."Nurse yalo"
ReplyDeletemadam, in as much as I agree with your fact finding mission,please and please, go about it calmly. gra gra doesn't pay. (bully and all)
ReplyDeletefor his bank details, no bank will do that except if you have a friend/relation who can do this codedly for but its unethical and a job risk for the banker.
let me just conclude by saying, snoop discreetly, get your details, facts and figures and act like you know nothing.
your goal is to know more about your husband. do not let the process or the facts destroy your home.
cheers
madam, in as much as I agree with your fact finding mission,please and please, go about it calmly. gra gra doesn't pay. (bully and all)
ReplyDeletefor his bank details, no bank will do that except if you have a friend/relation who can do this codedly for but its unethical and a job risk for the banker.
let me just conclude by saying, snoop discreetly, get your details, facts and figures and act like you know nothing.
your goal is to know more about your husband. do not let the process or the facts destroy your home.
cheers
madam, in as much as I agree with your fact finding mission,please and please, go about it calmly. gra gra doesn't pay. (bully and all)
ReplyDeletefor his bank details, no bank will do that except if you have a friend/relation who can do this codedly for but its unethical and a job risk for the banker.
let me just conclude by saying, snoop discreetly, get your details, facts and figures and act like you know nothing.
your goal is to know more about your husband. do not let the process or the facts destroy your home.
cheers
madam, in as much as I agree with your fact finding mission,please and please, go about it calmly. gra gra doesn't pay. (bully and all)
ReplyDeletefor his bank details, no bank will do that except if you have a friend/relation who can do this codedly for but its unethical and a job risk for the banker.
let me just conclude by saying, snoop discreetly, get your details, facts and figures and act like you know nothing.
your goal is to know more about your husband. do not let the process or the facts destroy your home.
cheers