Playing ‘Her’ Game...A True Story.

This is a true life narrative,sent in by someone who wants to remain anonymous whilst passing a very important message across.

              

Here goes.....

''I have recently read about marriage advices given by different people, most, I will say, are quite interesting and true. Some have made me do  a self-check on my marriage and my relationship with my husband. 

My candid advice to all is to focus on the content of the letter and not the writer.

From my experience as once a single girl who has been married for seven (7) years, I know for a fact that you can keep your marriage spicy if you play ‘her’ game. 

Whose game you may ask? The other girl/lady/woman’s game.

Ladies, moment of truth: Life is a game- you are either a player or you are being played, the side you choose is your choice. Play the game or you become a casualty.

I attended the best university in West Africa, the greatest I dare say. I was in love at a tender age of nineteen (19). It was raw love, we were the toast of the campus and for six (6) years it was rosy, until I graduated. He met someone else and I had to leave (well, I dumped him, I’m a lady, guys don’t dump me…wink), but at that moment, I promised myself NEVER to leave for another woman again in my life except it becomes life-threatening . I love my life ,life is sweet, even though heaven is sweeter, I’m not in a hurry to go there.

Fast forward to when I met my husband, I dare say we were each other’s rebound, we were both coming out of a relationship that had battered us. who says rebounds  dont  work out? We have been together for ten (10) years, married for seven (7) and blessed with two wonderful children. 

My husband was at a crossroad, he had to make an important decision in his life that would shape the future of his life and after dating him for six (6) months, I decided to break it up against his wish.  To allow him decide on his own and not influence his decision in anyway. After he had settled in his decision, we reconnected and he told me he had also reconnected with one of his ex but he truly wanted me…ooopppsss!!!!  

He did not let me be after then, it was obvious he wanted me. My constant response to him was: Go clean up your mess and then come back. After a while, I told myself : let me be the other lady for once . as I previously wrote : you either be a player or you get played , I decided to be a player. I decided to give him enough reasons to leave the other girl, showed him the things he will miss if he does not choose me.  Hey, I am not talking about sex.

To engage in the game, you need to investigate and know your opponent well, spend more time learning about your opponent, because if you know your opponent, you have won half of the battle – This principle works in all areas of life.

• I didn’t stress him – while the other girl was nagging him for not coming to see her, for coming late, for not going with her to see Aunty this or Uncle that.  I would tell him: Babe, you’ve been working all day at the office, it’s too late to come to my house, you should go home, eat dinner and go to bed. You have another busy day ahead of you tomorrow.  Call me when u are ready to sleep, you can tell me about your day. He calls me; we pray over the phone together and talk till we sleep off. I wake him up with a text message declaring God’s blessings over his life as he starts the day. Guess what: He would stop over at my office with my breakfast, just to see my face…oh how I miss inner marina under - bridge rice and dodo.

• I made my company so warm and comfortable for him that I became his confidant in no time. I made him relax, never laughed at his failures or weaknesses, always encouraging him. He says I am his greatest cheerleader. I would ask him about his plans: his 2 years, 5 years, 10 years plans. I shared my plans with him, to make him know that I was not just about now but more interested in his future, our future. As much as I spoke about the future, I would constantly use the pronoun – We, Our, so as not to intimidate him with my plans – guess he wasn’t because he had his. We would engage in intellectual conversation, I looked for ways to have fun with him. I maximized every moment we spent together,

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• I remember once, it was performance review in his office and he had done so well, he wanted this promotion badly, it was during the period all banks were getting listed on the stock exchange market, selling shares, he needed to sell shares. I was so involved that people were asking when I started working for the said bank. I showed him I was interested in his success. Needless to say, he got the promotion. 
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Of course by this time, the other lady was out of the picture. The other lady and I helped his process of making a decision very easy; she did by constantly fighting him about me, complaining about me while I was always ready with open arms even when I knew he was just coming from her. I kept my focus on my goal, refused to be distracted by her – call me a wicked girl, remember, some girl played me too. 

When I had my throne back, I had to tighten up. I continued doing everything I did then, till date, 10 years after. I realized he enjoyed it all, and it gives me great pleasure to see the joy in his eyes.

I still send him bbm / text messages declaring my love and affection; get him gifts for no reason, support him in all his decisions as we build a future together.

-When was the last time you told him you love him with no aso-ebi/ human hair strings attached? 

-When last did you tell him how lucky you are to have him as your husband? Even if he is not a good one, at least he is yet to divorce you. You might say it’s better if he divorces me, well if he’s that bad, go to the court and file a divorce paper. 

-Do you celebrate him as a provider only on father’s day?

Why not take time out of your ‘busy’ schedule (madam with 2 children, 1 nanny, 1 housemaid and a driver), lodge him in the hotel on a Friday night, get the wine, the masseuse/ masseur, watch a lovely movie on your laptop and get it steamy for the rest of the night. Hotel is too expensive? Send the kids and maid to the grandparents that are eagerly ready to have them anyway and make a hotel out of your home.

Stop by at Mama Cass / Bukka Hut , get him lunch, repackage it in your dishes in a lovely picnic basket, and drop it off at his office with a little note: ‘ I promised never to leave you hungry, have a beautiful afternoon handsome! ---- That is if you are too busy to arrange the lunch from home.

He is travelling ?: write short notes, declaring your affection and hide them in places he will discover: stick them on his boxer shorts, on his shaver, on his tie, in his shoes…  how he will forget about you..?

Keep yourself clean – I am so happy seeing a lot of women doing all to stay in shape now, keep it up. Spice it up in the bedroom, research new styles and ways to spice it up….all you need is on Google, make it your best friend. Dress well…Now not like ‘her’ (I mean the skunk girl), you are a respectable married woman, cover up and be classy, keep the skimpy for the bedroom. If you don’t know fashion style, get a stylist or don’t be ashamed to ask a friend to help out picking your clothes. Dress your age.

Support him by contributing to the house; most women do this already because men never leave enough ‘Chop Money’ anyways… most have decided to turn a blind eye to effect of inflation on foodstuff prices.

Keep the kids and house clean. 

Educate yourself – let him be proud to introduce you as his wife, knowing that every time you open your mouth, you talk smartly and intelligently. Drop that entire ghetto talking; if possible, go to a finishing school or again Google: How to conduct yourself as a lady? Read books, magazines, know what is happening in your environment, in the world. Watch CNN, SKY news; don’t station the TV permanently to African Magic

If you suck at cooking, while learning how to, order food from caterers. 

Become interested in one of his hobbies: soccer, basketball, if he goes to the gym, go and work out together.

Allow him time to himself; don’t choke him, give him time to miss you.

Will doing all these mean he will be faithful to you – maybe, maybe not, but he if ever wanders,he  will run back. 

I do all these to raise the bar, to make my shoes too big for anyone to fit in.

The bible says, the children of this world are wise in their own eyes- my sister, please be wise…above all continuously pray for him.

If this saves just one marriage, revitalize one marriage, then my work is done….Ladies, don’t be played.''