Once a cheater ....always a cheater?
''Hi stella, am new to you blog and I have been reading a lot of posts and I appreciate the way your SDK family gives the right advice so I wanna tell my story.Thanks
I am a 22 yr old almost final year student studying law. I had a crazy time in my early days in school. Partying, guys and all that. If u can name it, I definitely did it. Had some issues and after my folks pleaded and cried and all that I settled down and now am doing pretty good and believe I have my head screwed on tight. ( btw,I honestly want to settle down as soon as I can. No running from pillar to post looking for kids in Jesus name, cos have heard this is the best time for all that. Even my mum has been asking if am engaged cos the way av been acting so responsible shes impressed).
At a time when I wasnt looking for a relationship, I met someone ans he just swept me off my feet. He met all my friends and was even the first guy my mum ever met with me. Started coming to my church and I was in heaven.
When u hear him talking about his future plans ehn, you'll almost be ready to start getting fitted for a wedding dress and house hunting. Lol.
Anyways, two months into the romance, I went on vacation to America and we skyped every day till I got back. He got a new phone and I wanted to scope it so am looking through his pics and I see lots of one chic. Asked him and he lied about her name and says shes a random friend till the girl and her cohorts started harassing me on social media telling me am a boyfriend snatcher and they have been dating for 3 years.
I no get liver for wahala so I freed him. We got back again and the girl came up to us and had a confrontation and instead of him to say a word, he just drove away and left me and my friend.
Its a year in February that we started and during that period I have broken up with him like 3 times. He has times when he goes Awol and I cant reach him then he comes back with no explanation.
I said no more late last year and I kinda moved on.
Then I saw him again in January and he started begging me and he was a changed guy. I decided to give him another shot cos I honestly do love him. Till I started seeing naked and kissing pictures of him and another girl.
Plus I saw pics of the former girl too.
Was at my wits end but he said all that was when we were not together and hes really changed. All my friends have told me to let go but I feel maybe this time hes really changed.
He says I run away from any little issue and I never want to work for my relationship. And that has got me thinking maybe I should hold on tighter. We have sex once in a while but I can say for a fact that our relationship is not sexual at all.
I wonder, will my staying there not make me look foolish cos i believe a cheater will always be a cheater.
I really dont know what to do, is there any chance he could be for real or should I just do my final relay race and keeping running forever?
I know there are married women and men and older more sensible people than I am on this blog. Ya'll are smatter and more experienced than my friends so I would like your advice. If I get insulted I dont mind, as long as I get good advice which I know I will.
Thanks a million.''
*make i siddon wait for blog visitors advice...if i tell her to drop him now na me una go begin cuss out. #yimu
22 is not too young to settle down. Its also not too young to use your brain.
ReplyDeleteWork for what kinna relationship? The kind dat d guy will be having multiple affairs? The one that other people will be giving u issues at your age? Mtcheww.......
Can I av one of dose stool pls....*ese n romi*
DeleteGirls Girls Girls!!!
We'll always be looking for ways to justify our stupidity...tooh all d best ooo
My dear did u not see an earlier post about that girl that her father gave her the advice of the 3 C's do not stress yourself up, if when ur not yet married he is cheating on and off is it when u are married that he will stop, then it will only sky rocket into his right. Please let go and be patient. Pray to God he is not a wicked God he alone knows the plans he has for us.
Delete@hot mama
Face ur studies na! Haba?! Do u seriously need sum1 2 tell u wot 2 do?
DeleteDon't u think u're too young for dis drama? Wat is wrong wit dis generation? @ 22? U're from a family dat is doing well from ur story , don't u think u wil find a good man soon? Abeg I tire to type. Pls examine ur brain.
DeleteMy dear tht guy isnt ready to walk down the isle anytime soon, of course, or else a girl pins him down with pregnancy and drag him there. His still enjoying his youth and so shld you by facing your studies.I'm not saying your too young to get married but you dont need to fall into the arms of an unserious guy cos your desperate.Be patient, let it all play out.A serious guy wld come and once you meet him you wld know and you guys wld get down to business in no time.You dont love tht guy and he dosent love you, your both infatuated.His enjoying the fact tht he can have his cake and eat it anytime he wants with you. Stop giving him tht pleasure.Better to be single and available than to be tied up to an unserious guy......Mrs D
DeleteStella abeg shift for me make I sitdon wit u on dis matter
ReplyDeleteNa wa oo....some guys ehn!.... I sha won't settle for less!..."My bf's sis told me point blank "babe, wld u rather date me brother knowing he cheats and might never change, cos I know him too"...I was stunned!....and I won't let's dos saying off my mind as I run for my life!...my bf parents r pastors, and I know he was well brought up, buh peer groups made him d serial cheat he is!....and he ll never change!.... Now I just hate d fact dat I wasted 4yrs of my life breaking n making up!
DeleteTruth be told, d guy can neva change..My candid advise FREE HIM and move on with ur life,since uve decided to be good nw DNT SETTLE FOR LESS.
ReplyDeleteDear poster.. u re a beautiful side chic and I also do think u re bored.. dats why u Kip accepting him back.dump his sorry ass and move on and try to change ur lifestyle so as to pave way for a good guy like me#sipsMoetnChandon#
DeleteDear Poster: sex or no sex, a guy who wants t respect n adore u wud do dat wtout any stress. U r still too young, kindly move on n stop gambling wt ur heart.
DeleteYou have to let this guy go, my husband strayed abt twice when we were dating, I forgave him (ignored all my friends advice cos I assumed they were jealous). He was an angel in my eyes, focused and hardworking and he eventually became successful, been married 5yrs and I'm looking for a way out now. I tot he changed but I was just blinded by love, I can see clearly now and I want out before things get violent.
DeleteDis ur story get as e b sef. Dis guy get ur pix for e phone @all? If d guy still dey wit d babe wey e dey date for 3yrs now dat means u na side chick ooo. Girlie o use ur brain.
ReplyDeleteThere's a yoruba proverb that says...what u will not accept when u become a rich man, u should start to reject it from when u are a poor man. C'est finit
DeleteDear poster, in your case, the handwriting is painted on the wall in bright colours. That dude ain't meant for you. He's slick and he seems to know your mumu button.
ReplyDeleteDo your heart a favor....turn around, start walking and never look back.
It is well.
If you marry this guy, be ready for repeat episodes of the nasty drama going on now.
DeleteMrs Side Chick, yes answer me Osiso;you are still single.God will send a good man to you,SURULERE.
ReplyDeleteYou said while in school, you were bad and now you have changed,did you change because you want to settle down or because you know those things were wrong,because you sound like you changed because you want a family; you don't sound genuine or repentant;and am sorry to say from the way you sound you might only keep attracting cheaters and even settle for his likes.
You saw naked pictures of him and another chick,that looks very irresponsible of a bachelor,they attack you and you still stayed;that means his your type, no self love, no class,no respect for someone you want to marry,you need soul searching my sister,work on yourself first, you need deep cleansing;your change sounds hypocritical.
Nothing more to add jare. You don talk am finish😄
Delete@Kaycee: u always speak like a matured. Ur comments r always full of wisdom. *wink#
DeleteGood analysis..great advice. Hope she reads this....Mrs D
DeleteGood talk Kaycee, the only time u do not make sensé Is when it to to GEJ issue
Delete@leap Orobo;thanks dear,hope you are good?
DeleteStop fooling Kaycee he doesn't always speak mature
DeleteThe guy is not serious. Stay away from him. God will provide you with a good man.
ReplyDeleteIf you marry him, you'll suffer. Just prepare for empty house and cold nights. Now that you have the chance, one word: RUN! He's a liar and a cheat.
ReplyDeleteStella I dey bring popcorn mk we chop tgeda as d gurus in rlatnshp reply our dear poster! Oya shift na ahn ahn!
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't knw why pple are just rushing for dat institution called marriage. Believe me or not. U are still very young and I will advice u not to engage ursef in an everlasting problems? Maybe d reasons why he's really not disturbing u abt sex is bcos he's getting it somewhere else. As an SDK fellow reader, we are one family here and so I would advice u not to take d guy seriously. And remember AIDs is real. Bless u #INTERNATIONAL OBSERVER#
ReplyDeleteAbeg stella comot make I lie down joooo
ReplyDeleteU don become original agony aunt.
*rme
Nne biko ,adjust dis ur big waist ,i wan dey middle.
DeleteEzenwayi's babe!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat goes around definitely comes around..people tend to forget that. You are right, there are a lot of shameless girls who wants to reap where they did not show. It's just a matter of time when the wrath of God will befall them, they will now turn to spirikoko after. They want to reap where they did not sow. Sleeping with a man does not bring you any respect when It's not done right. You become an object of no value. Hope our ladies can learn before it is too late.
Deleteam very sure the seat will take 3 ass, stella , annon and mee, cant shout
ReplyDeleteIf you truly loved yourself, you won't settle for that kind of relationship you are in.there are better guys out there who will love you & wont do anything 2 hurt you.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, please there is a vacant seat inside a bus about to move on with your name on it. Please get on the bus before it leaves the station before it starts raining .....
ReplyDeleteLike!
DeleteThis is not relationship, d guy is not serious, move on, u will meet better guys just make up ur mind and let go of him.. Have similler experience but I was bold enought 2 move on an am happy with my new guy thou he keeps calling but I don't pick his call or sms cos he is a distraction 2 me.. Take my advice and move on
ReplyDeletena by force??free him na..nawa o!
ReplyDeleteDrop him fast and don't look back. If I got this advice year back I would not have married my serial dishonest husband who even lies sometimes to people that he is single and free.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, Run, Run, Run!!! and start praying to God to give you a husband who will be faithful, responsible, hardworking and God fearing all the days of his life. Also, pray you will be a faithful wife. It goes both ways cuz temptation is high these days.
Pls live him alone as he is a destiny killer. I just left a relationship similar to yours n trust me it was d best decision I ever made. Pls stop sleeping with him too as there are so many girls out there with so many terrible spirit in them. Also remember that there are alot of std's out there.
ReplyDeleteHaha.. I hope you have learnt your lesson. If I may ask, were you aware that the individual was in a relationship before hand or you wanted him by force despite your knowledge of his relationship status. I hope your marriage is working well for you now that you have left the toxic relationship. If not, please pray on your head for God to forgive you of all the souls you have caused heartache. The thief can steal forever, but one day it will catch up with them....
DeleteLet him go. I just got out from one. He is a destiny killer. And trust me i am doing alot better. After i decided to let him go,1yr after that I was married. Now he is going about asking pastor's if he has been caused. Pray n tell God to expose any man that want to come n steal from u.pls don't sleep with him again bcos majority of the girls u see out there carry one terrible spirit or d other. Or even disease. So be very careful.
ReplyDeleteI believe a relationship dat ll make it shld grow progressively. Dis ur relationship wit dis guy is so annoying:d breakups n makeups don too much. N as if u r addicted to him maybe not love. Just try staying away from him for a very long time like a yr.get very busy wit career maybe him head go correct well den.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,that guy is still cheating. I know u know d right thing to do and I understand how difficult doing what we know is d right thing can be esp when emotions are involved.
ReplyDeleteDon't just end d r/ship without a backup plan so start meeting new people,distract urself a lot more,get new things to occupy u wif n have it @d back of ur mind that u aint got no bf no more,cos I know u must have made d said dude d centre of ur life,if u call him so often gradually start withdrawing till it doesn't matter anymore if u get to talk wif him or not,by doing these u'll untangle urself from him so if u eventually breakup(most likely when u c worse things),u won't feel so miserable. Trust me if u breakup wif him without doing all these u'll feel miserable afterwards n will end up wif him again.
My dear i'm in the same shoes as you,I studied same Law,we have the same issues,i mean I and my Bf we've had our issues and sorted them out,but there came this girl that said he's been dating him foe 2years now, lots and lots of issues came up from it,but my Bf never mentioned having a gf not to talk abt for 2years! We've been very cool and I felt like he was the one,before this girl came along!my Bf will always tell me to give me time to sort thing out with her and told her the same thing for her to give him time to sort things out with me! How did I know,she called me,during xmas period and told me,and almost everything she told me,was what he told me too,and this guy is the only guy i've truly loved,and I dnt just love him like a Bf,i love him like a mother would,like a sister and like a lover! Co's there are some things he has done that a gf won't tolerate but I did,whenever I try to leave,he comes begging and saying I shouldn't leave him,he can't do without me Bla Bla Bla,we are 7months old but it feels like i've known him all my life,but my Bf can lie for africa,dnt get me wrong,i lie,everybody lies,but my Bf?! He can lie for he world,he can produce a suitable lie to something with a spilt second he calls in *thinking on his feet* and Yes he is a lawyer,a very smart one @ that,but his lying skills are over the bar, Jeez! He took me home to his family and all met his mum and he was like he has never brought any girl home that i'm the first girl he is bringing home,i didn't believe that one,so one day his sister and I were gisting,then randomly she said it,but with the way he lies,i dnt know what to believe again I even told him that I won't be surprised if the house he took me isn't his house and his mum isn't his mum,but for the striking resemblance,sometimes he makes me feel like the only girl in the world,sometimes he acts the other way round,i'll call him @ night and he's line will be on call waiting and automatically I assume he is talking to that girl,he tells me I assume too much and what i'm I left with,i could go on and on but I know i've bored you enough let me stop here,he says all these will make us stronger but i'm getting weaker by the day,pls pardon my typo,i really sad,and I dnt know what to do,pls I need SDK family to advice me,and dnt cuss pls thanks
ReplyDeleteHe clearly doesn't respect you, already takes you for granted and doesn't fear God. Please don't ignore the signs you've started noticing. I pray God provides you with wisdom to do the right thing.
DeleteWhich is? Leaving him?
DeleteI hope you know that he will continue his lies after marriage, those things never stop. Also, you will never trust him, won't be good if you eventually marry him and you don't get to trust him. You will feel he is lying even when he is saying the truth. He also lacks the fear of God.
DeleteMy advice is for you to move on, however you can stay if you can handle more lies if you eventually marry him.
Please drop him very fast! U are not too young to have a stable relationship that will lead to marriage.... Try and concentrate more on ur school since u are already in ur finals. Forget that guy!
ReplyDeleteBabe, trust me, I knw wah u feeling. U n I know d best sol is to kick his f**king ass to d curb buh ur just stalling. Pics of babes? And they r stl in his fone? C'mon gurl, kick him first! And do it hard! Like seriously, u r taking too much tym waiting on d relationship accepting his cheating d*ck and all! I'm pained cos I knw u've grown to have feelins for him inadventently and he is cashing in on that. Babe, I say, that is not a potential long-lasting marriageable guy. He's only buh a dick! Chop it n him off!
ReplyDeleteOkthatsall
Babe, trust me, I knw wah u feeling. U n I know d best sol is to kick his f**king ass to d curb buh ur just stalling. Pics of babes? And they r stl in his fone? C'mon gurl, kick him first! And do it hard! Like seriously, u r taking too much tym waiting on d relationship accepting his cheating d*ck and all! I'm pained cos I knw u've grown to have feelins for him inadventently and he is cashing in on that. Babe, I say, that is not a potential long-lasting marriageable guy. He's only buh a dick! Chop it n him off!
ReplyDeleteOkthatsall
Babe, trust me, I knw wah u feeling. U n I know d best sol is to kick his f**king ass to d curb buh ur just stalling. Pics of babes? And they r stl in his fone? C'mon gurl, kick him first! And do it hard! Like seriously, u r taking too much tym waiting on d relationship accepting his cheating d*ck and all! I'm pained cos I knw u've grown to have feelins for him inadventently and he is cashing in on that. Babe, I say, that is not a potential long-lasting marriageable guy. He's only buh a dick! Chop it n him off!
ReplyDeleteOkthatsall
Obviously,he is a serial cheat and they hardly change..You deserve better darl..let him go pls.
ReplyDeletesiddon ke? of course she should drop him. The guy na useless oloshi scum bag. Change ko. Change ni. You try sef. After the first confrontation with the other babe, i for don jaaar. My sister Run comot from there. You are way too young to be dealing with this mess biko. I do believe cheaters can change but this guy right here is not it! Free that damn dog.Thank you
ReplyDeleteHehehehehehehe..SDK this your chair is a lot more comfortable ,Lol. All this small girls self! well, madam the hand writing is written on the wall so what else do you want us to tell you? mumu, hold tighter you hear? Men do this things because of girls like you. YOU ALLOW THEM SO DON'T BLAME THEM.
ReplyDeleteAunty Stella, see as u like yourself reach, correct cusin sia,lol. If na us now u go give us all those ur yeye sia.
ReplyDeleteMy adivse is to pray for the man, and hear from God. This guy has cheated on you so many times and you still went back to him and if he says he is a changed person now, I belief he shouldd have deleted past pictures on his phone and labtop , he is not suppose to still have them. I wouldn't want you to get married to this guy. There is a probablity that he might cheat on you in future but if you say you are ready to take the risk. Some guy have cheated before and they repented and also not all who say they have repented do. I wish you well and don't 4get to always pray for the right path.
ReplyDeleteYou're just 22, you're still very young,leave the guy and let someone better step in.you know deep down Ur heart tht that guy isn't meant for you,infact there is no relationship btw you two but you don't wna accept that.a guy that wil just go Missing for no good reason then come back to your life like its nuttin , a guy that's having multiple affairs with pictures of him kissing another girl on he's phone and he's putting it to your face!you're not just the side chick o,ure his last option.stay there and be saying you love him while he gives you STD cos I'm sure he doesn't use protection with dem girls nd he'l come right to u unprotected
ReplyDeleteHe is an emotionally unstable guy dat falls in and out of love,if u are not an extremely jealous type,u can manage him.but for sure if u wantt the truth,hes a serial dater dat keeps many women at once,he can't do without it,so u make up ur mind,can u cope with that now and in d future when u are married??
ReplyDeleteSilly girl. U are 22. Ve not finished ur first degree nor ve u gone 4 nysc nd are thinking of marraige. Do u think marriage s same as bf-gf matter. From ur message u scream immaturity. Ur mate are working in multinational u are still in uni and not facing ur books u are still a gal and a silly one 4 dat matter
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Did you type this with your correct senses? At what age did you finish your first degree? You just come to blog sites and start spilling rubbish.this is my first time commenting here, I just had to reply you. Mstcheeeeeeeeew
DeleteANGELRAY SAYS,
ReplyDeleteCheaters don't change ok, come borrow my leg so dat u go run fast.
ANGELRAY SAYS,
ReplyDeleteCheaters don't change ok, come borrow my leg so dat u go run fast.
Aww,I love it when girls graduate early like me.. Although mine own discipline was for 5yrs plus service 6,(yes am boasting,whoop whoop.) And please who says 22 is too young to get married? I married at 22 ,I have twin boys and my marriage is 3 yrs old.. I am 25 and loving my self. Get married early to a good man,have kids on time and rest...
ReplyDeleteback to the matter
Please do yourself a favor and leave that guy. He is not meant for you. Even if you settle with him,you would never have peace of mind. You would always be wondering what he is doing and who his with when he's not with you. The cheating would stop only with serious prayer and time,are you ready for that? And know it might never change too. Do not put yourself thru emotional and mental torture please.
End the relationship,walk away and never walk back to him again. Your own man would find you.. Make sure you have changed. People keep saying they want good men and that they good men are not available,the truth is,have you made yourself the kind of person you would be attracted to if you were to marry yourself? You can't be hopping from one man's bed to another and want a good man. Neither can you be sleeping with married men and expect a good man. You can't be doing what the supposedly bad men do(cheating,flirting and name it) and expect a good man. Make yourself the kind of person you want to attract
Which wan be dis VIP seat wey Stella com carry nau.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...nobody is cussing dis girl bcos she don already dry wait una cuss. Hahahaha she knows how to catch una!
Anyway poster without being told u know wot to do. U just want someone to help u make that decision. 1st he has plenty pix of one girl on he's phone n she's just a friend. Lol is he a photographer?
I'm not going to give any advice on this issue cause sincerely u know what to do.
Best of luck!
That's the problem with ladies! The hand writing is clearly written on the wall that he's a cheat. But ladies will go into it believing he will change. And Next thing BOOM! Shit just got real. Same person worst cheater
ReplyDeletePoster,break up with this guy asap....he will never change....his type will even marry you and be claiming single....move on with your life biko,their are better guys out there Who will cherish and respect you....you are still young to be desperate with this guy.... Focus on your career first before thinking of any man...
ReplyDeleteMy dear if you know what's good for you, pick race sharp sharp and don't look back! Let me tell you, in marriage people become very relaxed and revert to doing what they are used to. If you make the mistake if marrying this sweet mouthed womaniser you will age fast!! He is obviously a ladies man and you do not need such drama. Marriage is hard enough as it is without you walking into if knowing you saw the warning signs and ignored it. Hope this helps!!
ReplyDeleteHallo Leona, oteela. How u be? I won't comment on dis post. Poster n other complainants refuse to tell themselves d truth. U wan mk I tell u ba? Oya marry him but biko don't ever cm to sdk to seek 4 another advice. Desperate to be in relationship/marriage. Whatever happened to self love?? Stella and co vacate d seat I wan lie down #Belle
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, its once a cheat always a cheat...
ReplyDeletePoster 22 is not too young to settle but would u rather settle with an unstable dude? Someone uld v headache over? He's a liar and a cheat n d handwriting is in bold 16sized gothic fonts. If I were u ild drop him like hot coal. Uv got the advise u need, if u stick with him, please don't come here n complain o, cos ild definitely lash u out. As for the poster in the comment section, r u high by nature? U won't leave d boy? Love takes two n three is crowd. If he can't man up n own u yet wants to v his fish n eat it what the hell r u waiting for? Ain no future there. Be wise.
Dont accept the blame for his irresponsibility:
ReplyDeleteNothing to gloss over or "fight" for. He has no respect for you or any of the other girls, you are not in a relationship.
Do a cleanse, dont look back he is bad for you, a respectable boyfriend would never put you in a situation where you have to "fight" for your love.
Respect yourself, build your life, at 22 be concerned with school, starting a career and adding value to your life. Cool down on the man thing when you set your life right you will attract the right men.
Have standards no one should determine for you what you want
Just a quick one for poster: Know the difference between a guy that's not perfect and a guy that's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteSo, if u can place your guy into one of the above , then u might have the answer you are looking for.
Cant bliv peeps stl stuck in situations like dis in 2014. Babes I was in ur shoes exactly ur age in 2007...dis guy n I have been goin back n forth for 3 yrs...he wl keep sayin d oda babes r side chicks...he actually wasnt datin dem bt twas stuffs like friends wt benefit...he wasnt sleepin wt me was keepin me...bt he lies..he tries to play smart..
ReplyDeleteSometimes hes around n all over me..oda times he is seriously missing. .
U av only on option...LEAVE HIM...stellas blog wl stl be here...dont come back in d future to giv us stories dt touch. ..grab ur future now...build urself. ..respect urself...and grow...any good man out der wl want u....
And for ur info...he wl keep comin back...
Mine did d same for 5 yrs...in 2012...he involved all his families...even his pastor kept callin n talkn to me..
Truth is at some point I tot about goin back to him...involved my male cousin ...we sat down n analysed everythin...he loved me no doubt..bt he cannot give me the kind of commitment I want...dt kinda marriage wont work...
Along the line I met my husband 2009...up til now...I have almost nothin against him...he cares too much...
All dos while my ex was disturbing my life...u cant bliv my husby gave me some space...he told me marriage is a lifetime commitment..
And altho he really loves n wants to have me...we both need to get it right otherwise...na both of us no go get peace. .
He encouraged me to pray abt it...he was always callin to reassure me of his love and to advice me as a friend n brother....he let me visit my ex..he allowed me have healthy discussion wt my family n cousin...and wen d whole episode was over...he was so happy I wanted him....I think that strengthened our relationship n till now he feels like he won a conquest to have me...he adores me too much...we married now...n its bn bliss ..
That man that wl worship u is on d way...dont settle for less. ..improve on urself...face ur career...build up on virtues n u wl be shocked at the calibre of men that wl throng u...not all des man for face boy for brain type...
God wl help u.
Remove ur high heeled shoe nd run wt ur bare foot cos dat wl b faster.d guy s a cheat nd believe me once a cheat always a cheat.talkin frm experience.d guy wants to keep u nd at d same tym u shld accept hs cheatin ways.
ReplyDeleteDon’t Get Married If….
ReplyDeleteIf you’re not ready to delay gratification when your are angry. To hold your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly…. don’t get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Marriage is for the mature.
If you’re not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, your muses… don’t get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In marriage you don’t lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God’s blessing: little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming!
If you are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt….. don’t get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don’t abandon your spouse to your relatives. It’s betrayal.
If you are not ready to pay bills…. don’t get married. Love does not pay bills. Kenya power will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and your gazes at each other, O so romantic.
If you are not ready to let go of your opposite sex “best friends” and invest that into your spouse. To like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with them, above anyone else… don’t get married. Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends.
If you are not ready to stop competing with the Joneses…. don’t get married. Let the Joneses buy their yatch when you are still walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross the oceans but you may be going through the road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people.
If you are not ready to be an open book. To tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection…. don’t get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in the marriage. It doesn’t enjoy being ignored and the more you snob, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the “neat” and “all together lovely” image that you are struggling to maintain.
You are both a good writer and a good adviser. Wow
DeleteI love the way you write...so straight to the point and yet so simple. God bless you for this writeup. And may your life be beautiful..
DeleteGod bless you for this write up anon 12:06
DeleteIn short you have said it all. Please poster don't ever make that mistake what you see right now with this guy is what you will get even after marriage. marriage na see finish o. so don't be deceived. before I got married the guy I was seeing who I am unfortunately now married to was as quiet as a dove. what I don't like he won't do. Wetin I marry am finish? he join me for UK finish he go tell me say make I fly. now that he don dey earn better money we he nor even smell for naija na so him wings just dey spread o. He hardly ever pampers or takes care of me this guy go say sebi me self dey work? To think he was even expecting me to pay part of his indefinite money I thought was the height of the joke o! I am just totally fed up on this rubbish called marriage. everyday na regret I just dey and marriage never reach 5 years. It seriously sucks! Everyday na so I just dey regret and wish I can turn back the hands of time I just feel say knowing where I took him from if I now leave him na me go lose pass and he knows. cos what have I gained? he Don gain pass free paper to yonder as a result him Don settle now, better job don enter earning good pay that he would never have dreamt of. Sex nko? that one na another story can go 3 months without touching person I just tire. He feels now he Don arrive every time I just wish I get liver to divorce him cos I hate him so much worse part I don born for am took in almost after we marry. young girls marry man where you live don't ever go to Nigeria to go pick man else you go regret am for a very long time. may some cases the man appreciate am but very rear. very very rear most times it doesn't end well and this my own I know say it's a matter of time I dont see it ending well. Did I see the handwriting on the wall no before? No I didn't at all wish I did I for just Don run try tay
DeleteIf you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming…. don’t get married. Don’t take somebody’s son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions and your chips fungaz. It never ends well. It’s romanticized in the movies, it’s being fronted as the only “realistic” way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse and your children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease, fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts, broken dreams and conniving.
ReplyDeleteFinally, if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush ofa risque life and to settle down…. don’t get married. The great Colombus [who we were told "discovered" America, Have you ever wondered if the Native Indians who were in it, knew that it existed ] had a diary that was long sought for. People wanted to read about the wild journeys, the sea tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the death and the danger they must have encountered. When it was found, there was great disappointment. Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: “This day, we sailed on.”.
Marriage, like life in general, has many “we sail on” days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal everydayness of it. If you depend on wild romance, all night sex [ha], romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look for a way out. The “boom twaff” moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an everyday basis. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments.
I pray this helps someone. Remember singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. You are either ready or you’re not: You decide!. But please don’t marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives . A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating.
Marriage is for the mature and in many ways, we the married, are still being confronted with the demand to grow up day by day. If you are not ready for that demand, don’t get married!!!!
Rightly said. Marriage now is a union where you play smart with your partneras if you are into drug bizness with him. Pls all singles,be careful before saying i do. Be a good woman and wait till u find a good man too. Wetin eye dey see for marriage,mouth bo fit talk am.
Deletehmm well said! marriage is sweet if it's to the right guy that would cherish and value you. but if you marry useless self centered man like this my own you are in for it. Marriage never reach 3 years and so much regret it's just quite sad. singles don't rush into marriage and don't ever manage a guy and his silly ways! If he ain't straight now, he'll never be straight after marriage. The only result you will get from marrying such a man is a lifetime of misery and unhappiness. It's not worth it!
DeleteRUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN,GOOD GUYS TSILL EXIST.....YOU DONT NEED TO WORK FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP.CHEERS.
ReplyDelete2 words.
ReplyDeletePURSUE HIM.
I don't have any cent to add. Eye dey pepper me self
ReplyDeleteAunty Stella, see cheating naa. The seat u reserved for urself is so comfortable meanwhile you always offer blog visitors wooden stools. Lol...Poster, leave that man my dear. Give yourself some respect, love yourself or do you want to be treating STDs from this man. When I was your age, I had someone like that. I stayed bcos I was young and foolish then I started reading books and discovered how wonderful and precious I am to God and to my family and friends. I realised I was beautiful, smart, educated and charming... i began to see myself as an above average woman. I dumped his silly ass, it hurt and I cried. He believed we would get back again as we usually did but this time I was done. I met my husband just two days after I dumped the cheat! Sometimes we have to let go of something to receive another thing. You can't receive a gift with ur hands filled up or closed. I'm married and very happy now, my husband adores me and he is a very good cook.lol...i love men that cook. meanwhile mr cheat didn't just let me go o, have you seen a grown man cry? He was crying and begging for me to come back but my mind was made up, he couldn't believe he had been dumped. Yes, he is very rich but sometimes you look beyond the money..my husband and I are hardworking and very comfortable too. A word is enough for the wise, raise ur standards my dear! You deserve better.
ReplyDeleteWalahi girls should please be smart. Dear, what are you waiting on again now. Abi should we attribute this behavior to your age and inexperience. Look, this is not how you start a relationship or exist in one. The person asking you to pray is not serious. Pray that what? Lord, please reveal if my boyfriend is the one? Is this how you want to live. Let him change and face another woman. Not every man is your husband, rather not every boyfriend. That's what it is called dating, you check for compatibilities. This one is only out for his own pleasure. Scheming all these women and you knowingly put yourself in it for the sake of settling down. You will marry this one and never be settled. You will be searching phone, fighting off women and just having unrest. Abeg, marriage is nice but it isn't worth your peace of mind. There are good men out there and this your bobo no be am. Please once again dear, be smart. Break this off and experience the world a little. With this type of mentality, you are not yet ready to marry. You might end up marrying a big time schemer.
ReplyDeleteStella .space still dey ?make I join sit down , no hard feeling cos I straight like ruler
ReplyDeletePoster, remain with him please oh so that u can have sob stories for us after he has married u. By then, fingers crossed, he'll be shagging ur friends and he won't even bother hiding it. Stay with a cheat u hear because u asking if u should even stay shows that u don't even have respect for urself therefore, u deserve the man who has no respect for u. Invite us for ur wedding oh so that we'll wear black to attend. Ekpa ( fool in urhobo). Mumu! Ode!
ReplyDeleteeven ur English can make him continue cheating, nd u r almost done with sch oo.....well, i wud advice let him go, he doesnt deserve u at all, der's someone out der who is ready to treat u like the queen wch u r. much love
ReplyDeleteeven ur English can make him continue cheating, nd u r almost done with sch oo.....well, i wud advice let him go, he doesnt deserve u at all, der's someone out der who is ready to treat u like the queen wch u r. much love
ReplyDeleteLady chill. Its called auto correct and touch screen syndrome. Or does the english sound like an uneducated person ranting? Bye
DeleteYou are just 22 but you seem so desperate. Nne..Pls leave that guy ASAP......concentrate on your studies your own guy is coming.
ReplyDeleteBreezy
You're going to church and you are "having sex" with a man you're not married to; what really do you want to achieve with your life? There is one you did not tell us; abortion; or are you infertile?
ReplyDeleteOne word; Repent!
You are a hypocritical fool...idiot
DeleteAbi o dats y I too like mysef, no time f "iranu". Once u msbehave, I drop u like bad habit. I dnt give room for continuous make up n break up: most guys wud see me as being arrogant but I just can't play 2nd fiddle.
ReplyDeleteIn the loving name of God,pls don't get married to a man who cheats in this way you have narrated.
ReplyDeleteHe has not even for once come to look for you to show remorse,he always waits untill he runs into you.
Ps my dear marriage is enjoyed only with the right man who knows tha a woman(wife) is a favour from God.
He's a "sly" fellow wit a sly tongue
ReplyDeletelol!
U bera drop him like a hot fryin-pan
Drop him awredy!
Babe drop him like its hot, am sure you know what to do but you just need additional push to help you walk away. Take a long walk from him and never look back. All the best
ReplyDeleteSweetheart! Let go of him. it might be had to let go of someone you love, but if he doesn't love you back, there is nothing you can do about it. If you want to be happy, you've got to DELETE him completely out of your life, you will find find somebody else. Life is a lesson, we learn everyday.
ReplyDeleteMake no contact with him.You have to be strong to do this, even if it means changing your number.
Take care and be strong.
Babes @ 22....u are too young to put urself thru all dis troubles....He said u should fight for ur relationship...really??? Do you really want to tow the "fighting" lane...The HANDWRITING is boldly written on the wall and ur eyes are very clear enof to see it....make ur choice.....Stay with him and keep fighting over him all the days of ur life OR move on and find a someone who will love you for who you are.....ur future is ahead of you and you still have a lot of work to do to give urself a bright future,,,do not let any man add the troubles of "FIGHTING OVER HIM" for u......you talked about ur early school days and ur bad behaviors then,,,make sure ur change is a genuine one cos u can only attract your type.....ACT WISELY..
ReplyDeleteAnon 12:06 tnks 4 dat beautiful write up my fiance & I couldn't stop reading over & over again....I even saved the link to this page so I can read whenever...thank you & God bless
ReplyDelete