Hiccups here and there in several marriages...what is the secrets of our ancestors and parents?
Nigerian Soul singer and funky guitarist, Olufemi Sanyaolu a.k.a Keziah Jones and his beautiful wife, Smooth FM On-Air Personality, Hauwa Mukan are no longer together.
This is a sad development....couldn't the situation have been arrested before it got to this`they are so beautiful together!
Permit me at this point to use the F word....What the fuck is wrong with marriages these days?
How did our parents manage to stay so long together?
I keep asking myself d same ?. It takes more than love sha.
ReplyDelete...because so many people are marrying for the wrong reasons. Love is empty. It is what the couple put in it that makes it become meaningful. the sacrifices from both parties, the compromise, the selflessness we put in it, that's what makes it work and glowww. Marriage is a team work. Wher one party is redundant, the marriage collapses.
DeleteI ask the same too but before I got married, through God, I was able to get some answers which guarded me in my marriage preparation and I can confidently say they are true. Here are some reasons:
Delete(1) God should be the foundation of your life. Note - not your relationship or marriage only, BUT your very existence. Love God wholeheartedly, walk in His ways and you will attract same to you to settle down with. The bible says, "can two walk together except they agree?". Agreement here is faith, belief and religion. Yes! You cannot be unequally yoked and expect to have a smooth sail. Also, note that some people give their lives to God out of desperation to get married, for money and all sort....BUT believe me, God is not mocked. If you are to serve Him and seek Him, it first of all should be the reason why you exist and not for what you want from Him, He is indeed a jealous God; and some people will say He's not answering their prayers even when they believe they are "born-again". Remember "GOD FIRST".
(2) After number 1 above, Unconditional love should be your reason for marriage from the beginning of your search (men) and your waiting (women). The kind of love that God has for us should be your goal so that no matter what, that person can never be wrong to the extent of harming yourselves. Unconditional love has no reason for manifestation i.e. when you're asked why you love such person, you can't even come up with ONE reason.....you know why? It is because it is selfless, the type of love that you can't afford to harm or hurt the person you say you love, because that will be hurting yourself. Unconditional love is when that other person's happiness is what gives you happiness for real. BUT, note that this can't be done in flesh also, it is by the spirit of God.
(3) Destiny Compatibility: what do I mean by this? you need to be united with that person that makes you want to fulfil your destiny and that you can help fulfil theirs. Everyone has got a destiny to fulfil and not until you find that one person who encourages you to be a better person, you won't be satisfied. You'll just keep jumping from one marriage to the other. Your spouse should at all times encourage you to want to stay in tune with God (who is the basis of your life), and if you have a talent that edifies Him, your spouse should always encourage you to serve Him better with it, because, it will make room for both of you. Remember, the bible says "iron sharpeneth iron". This also is by the Spirit of God.
There are so many reasons but the foundation is GOD. I know some people will say a lot about failed marriages and liken it to our parents, please note that the things that our parents condoned in marriages are termed as abominable these days, even though they stayed long in the marriage. Most of them endured the marriage for the sake of their children and then, cultural or traditional integrity so to say; meanwhile, marriage is to be enjoyed. So, I still go with my one and only reason - GOD.
Ladies - "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her"
Cheers!
Hian madam Stella! The secret of ur ancestor's successful marriages eeh kwa? My 1cent advice be say,u go carry this ya kwession go meet ya ancestors cos na dem fit answer u and again gif u everlasting solution ,I nugo?
Delete@ Taye.... Thank U!!! Very beautifully written..I have copied and pasted on to my email so I can read this daily!!
Delete@ anon 5:28 - you're welcome dear. May God help us all.
DeleteCheers!
PEOPLE NOW SEE DIVORCE AS NOTHING, ITS REALLY GETTING OUT OF HAND.
ReplyDeleteYeah. Too sad. Ppl equally see cheating and desecrating their marriage as nothing. The equal and opposite reaction is divorce and unrest/unhappiness in the marriage.
DeleteThe guy is gay!...he can't stay married...*shikena
ReplyDeleteFor once LELBJ, I won't cuss you out. This comment is spot on.
Delete2 Years???..Hmm…Why marry in the first place??
ReplyDeleteR they both blind? Our parents hv wat is called patience n endurance. We lack so much of dos virtues today + we allow westernization affect us n our culture
ReplyDeleteFirst of all,before people delve into Marriage these things should be checked:
ReplyDelete1) Compactibility: Most Hubby&Wifey are so incompactible.No matter Ђδw friendly they pretend to be,they can't be friends.
2) Love: Some people will always say Love grows..Yes it does but not in Marriage.Love before u marry,don't marry before u love.
3) Financial Gains: Most people are married to the wrong partners.They marry them based on the financial benefits associated with such union and if the gains are not forth coming,they become so uncomfortable with the marriage and it leads to "Break-Up".
4). Lies: Most marriages are built on the foundation of lies.Some guys appear false just to get a lady,along the line;they decide to tie the knot.Now tell me Ђδw possible it will be for the guy to own up to the lady that he appeared false initially. For instance,most guys/girls claim to Come from Rich homes and if these people are joined in matrimony,what do u think will Happen.
5) Sex: This is where the truth lies..A marriage where either of the Couple are Sex-Phobic what do u think will happen. Most ladies experience vaginal dryness during sex due to some Hormonal imbalance and it makes them enjoy less of Sex,likewise the men..Poor erection or quick ejaculation,it destroys the Beauty of Sex...However,these could be put to control but most marriages with issues like this heads to the rock because Promiscuity will always be.
Stella, commitment o..
ReplyDeleteCommitment to make it work by fire by force..
Commitment to know when to make blind sacrifices even when it hurts..
Commitment to know when to let somethings go even if it is killing you..
Commitment to bring up their children in a balanced home (a normal family setting)
Commitment commitment commitment!!!
Some people are more committed to their jobs these days! They receive insults everyday on the job yet they stick to the job..But their spouse? hell ir raised at the slightest provocation..
God help this generation!!
Answer: Surulere.
ReplyDeleteNot again,what in God's name is happening to marriages n 'till death do us part'....2yrs is d new standard I guess...ills of 'WESTERNIZATION'....smdh,too bad....dear future hubby,I'm gonna stick to u like glue till death do us part...wat ever causes brk ups should be mended....no perfect marriage anywhere..it requires,work,work n work....so help us God,amen!
ReplyDeleteThen,in cheating and battering- surulere. Women liberation and western culture have thus opened the eyes of so many women and people not to endure till they die inside their marriages. So many things are taken for granted now unlike the days of old. Men turn their wives to punching bags at the slightest quarrel. Women too have their own 'skoiskoi' for body which men are not rdy to tolerate. Divorce is the norm of the day and no regard for the psychological effects on the kids, who in turn will grow up and emulate the characters of their parents and it goes on and on. That is the world we find ourselves in now.
ReplyDeleteEverything is fucking wrong with marriages. Pple date with eyes closed n when they get married the eyes are suddenly opened. It shld be d other way round. Date with ur eyes open, complain abt thins u don't like, talk abt issues, don't manage the guy cos u are desperate to get a ring. If he doesn't change or she doesn't change move on n date some1 else...una hear? wen u eventually get married, close ur eyes half way. Don't nag! Patience is virtue they say. Love is never enough in any relationship oooo. God will resuscitate any other marriage dt is about to crumble.
ReplyDeleteNote: if ur marriage is abt to crash, pls find Dr Olukoya's book "Prayer Rain" check how to resuscitate a dead marriage. U will surely have testimonies if u pray the prayers n improve on urself.
Twinnie
Everything is fucking wrong with marriages. Pple date with eyes closed n when they get married the eyes are suddenly opened. It shld be d other way round. Date with ur eyes open, complain abt thins u don't like, talk abt issues, don't manage the guy cos u are desperate to get a ring. If he doesn't change or she doesn't change move on n date some1 else...una hear? wen u eventually get married, close ur eyes half way. Don't nag! Patience is virtue they say. Love is never enough in any relationship oooo. God will resuscitate any other marriage dt is about to crumble.
ReplyDeleteNote: if ur marriage is abt to crash, pls find Dr Olukoya's book "Prayer Rain" check how to resuscitate a dead marriage. U will surely have testimonies if u pray the prayers n improve on urself.
Twinnie
Eya.......
ReplyDeleteShout out 2 linda eze,I met her yesterday in my office.she came 2 confirm nd book her ticket.immediately I saw her name on her passport and I quietly looked @ her face,didn't knw wen I shouted linda linda SDK commenter.we laughed ehhhee.honestly linda u re very very beautiful nd friendly(no homo)abeg.ur husband must b lucky 2 hav u.why dnt u send stella ur pictures 2 feature u in one of those beauty of d day!!nd I use 2 cuss u out b4.thank u stella 4 dat free advert post coz she said she got our contacts 4rm there.and thnk u linda 4 d patronage.pls,come again will neva hate on u again lol.stella pls post this,I wnt linda 2 see it
ReplyDeleteAwwwwww.... This just made me really happy. Its a small world!
DeleteNice one! 1 reason why blog world wars should be discouraged.....Enjoy your new business relationship!
DeleteThat's my sweetheart oh!! No homo!! She says her mind no matter wat ppl thinks of her that y verach loves Linda Eze!!!! Don't jealous me oh....
DeleteStella d thing don tire me oh, I just called off my engagement cos I realize there was no point marrying someone I didn't love just to bear Mrs somebody. I was happier wen it was just my daughter and I. I have decided to hv one more child and take care of my kids. My sis says one needs a companion in old age, but when I luk at my parents they dont keep eachother company, they have never sat down to have a proper chat without cursing eachother. My dad goes to his town alot to be with his brothers while my mum is always in one siblings house or the other. I dont see the need of getting married anymore. I am 34 and d first time I tried na soso beating and heart ache. Anyone that cant accept me as a single mum will be totally deleted from my life, I will just hold my peace here in uk and make myself happy. Ive told them to show me one happy married couple. Marriage is so overrated in Nigeria. Mrs O
ReplyDeleteMrs O n u are single?
DeleteHmmm. I'm sorry to hear you have a bad impression of marriage. I really hope you find your hearts desires.
DeleteMarriagev is hard work and I think people nowadays don't want to work for it.
This couple, I think their major problem was the long distance. Distance isn't good. Especially early in the marriage. You need to be together to build a solid foundation.
Mrs. O, dnt close your heart †Î¦ L♥√...its not a sin †Î¦ remain single but pls, if you fins L♥√ again, try †Î¦ enjoy α̲̅πϑ give â„“̊Ï„̅ a try. Btw, I'm married α̲̅πϑ not only that, i married my friend!
DeleteMarriage is like fine wine, if tended properly, it just get better with age. A wise woman pray. Praying for your husband means laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God's power to transform you, him, your circumstances and your marriage. No marriage is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together. Its a man's job to respect a woman, but its a woman's job to give him something to respect. When there is no way out, let God in. As far as I m concern, A man without God is a man you can live without.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is sad. I remember looking at their wedding pictures and thinking what a cool, artsy great looking couple. They looked so good together. Just reminds me that it's not looks or the feeling of "love"that keeps a marriage together. It takes so much more - patience, perseverance, faith, commitment, sacrifice, compromise and the love of God. This is why it's so important to commit these things to God before you go in.
ReplyDeleteOur patents stayed that long because there was no civilisation. Honestly, most good things have worked to our detriment because we too overdo.
ReplyDeleteDon't be surprised to see most marriages crashing having the social media as a major contributory factor. We just can't handle good things walahi.
I went to visit a married friend over the weekend and I noticed the husband and wife were glued to their phones and tablets all through and honestly I was wondering. If they are so attached to their systems, when will they have time for themselves? And what is it in their systems that they are doing?
Internet lovers whom they chat with often have taken over their hearts and they drift and drift and further drift apart. Most husbands are slaves to pornography while so many wives are being deceived day by perverts on the loose. The devil must truly be smiling........
God, please send me a husband that will marry me and stay with me like in the days of old, we will grow old together in love because what I see these days alarm me. Lord take the wheel!!!
you are talking about technology and not civilzation. you do know a lot of Naija parents lived, schooled and married abroad. thats why there are plenty yankee, EU and Canadian born citizens.
DeleteMarriage has become 2 minute indomie and it is overrated sef. But the society won't allow you hear word. Any argument you have, the next thing that will be said is, no wonder you are not married. Gosh, as if marriage validates anyone. Having said this, marriage is good and God created Adam and Eve for a reason. Our parents were able to stay together cos they vowed to make it work. Funny enough, how many parents actually got married? My dad and mum went to the registry when I was in SS3 and they were happily married for 38 years until death snatched my dad. Our parents, especially our mums were tolerant and prayerful. How many women and men are tolerant today? Divorce has now become an option and in the days of our parents, divorce didn't exist in their dictionaries.
ReplyDeleteI remember a post I commented and Julit asked, Oluyomi, are you married? If not, sit down. I shook my head and wondered how a woman could have said that to another woman. So, marriage has now become a yardstick in judging someone. That's part of the pressure I am talking about. Anyway, her subsequent comments have made me realise the kind of person she is and I've stopped wondering who she is.
Anyway, the moment everyone decides to make their marriages work no matter what, then I believe divorce won't be an option anymore. Well, what do I know?
Julit na person? Since I saw her reply to a guy who travelled n came back to a dirty house,asked his wife why d place was dirty n d wife asked him if she's a slave: dat was wen I lost respect for dat julit.I pity d person dat'l be so unfortunate to marry someone like her
DeleteOluyomi spot on!
DeleteOur MUMS & not parents were tolerant & prayerful,
When our fathers brought in a second woman, our mums
swallowed it n kept quiet, the 3rd woman came in still our mums
refused to acknowledge d many troubles coming in.
Women were treated like second class citizens.
mtcheww!
Men should also part of d making-it-work-team abeg
Sorry Keziah, so much love him
a lot of parents got married even Yoruba ones, yours didn't and don't use that as an example.
DeletePls God should come to our aid in recent marriages
ReplyDeleteThis dude needs deliverance from marriage breakups and destruction abeg cos his first marriage to singer Akure ended exactly 2yrs after they married. He needs to visit the nearest MFM cos he is a deliverance candidate otherwise he will keep repeating the vicious 2yr cycle of marriage,I don talk my own oooo
ReplyDeleteGod! I'm really so scared of marriage. Its like couples are nt being patient enough with themselves. The rate of divorce is so alarming and scary.
ReplyDeleteIts nt even biblical except on the ground of infidelity. Anything excluding that is not right. People have throne away the 'commandments' in the bible and have decided to move along with the trend 'divorce'.
Just two years? Wow! I'm so disappointed at this generation. What are we gonna teach our children? Or what examples are we gonna show them?
He has the spirit of polygamy in him. If he doesn't go for deliverance, he will keep going round with different women. That yoke needs to be broken now, else it will affect his children too.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck is wrong with marriages these days? - My opinion...emphasis on 'my'
ReplyDelete1. Absolutely nothing. There's nothing wrong with marriage, it's the people who enter into it who are at times 'wrong for each other' or just plain 'wrong'
2. Our parents endured...blah, blah, blah...is that the truth? How many times in our hearts as women did we say "I will never allow any man to do to me what my father is doing to my mother" or "Can I really marry a Nigerian guy?"
3. Our mothers may have seemed to endured because they did not have a lot of choices. It's still a man's world, imagine how worse it was 20 - 40 years ago
4. People study long and hard for an education, 6 years primary, 6 years secondary and 3 or 4 years in University and retire at 65, yet most people do not consider it necessary to carefully study something they will be in for the rest of their lives.
5. Let us be honest marriage in the traditional African sense is a man and many wives. Men would impregnate one and when he's tied of her moves on to the next wife. So how do people expect this behaviour to suddenly vanish after many years of practice?
6. How does anyone expect a marriage with the parties living on 2 separate continents and operating two different homes to work? It's not rocket science, but I know there are people out there who believe in long distance marriages
7. Lastly, so it didn't work? So what? Live moves on abeg. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward had one of last century's greatest love stories, yet he was married when they met, but he eventually he left his wife for her. They were together for 50 years till death parted them.
Long and short of my epistle, It is what it is.
Yet una go dey abuse single mothers , you are better off as a single happy mother than a battered sad wife who comes out pretending to be happy ...
ReplyDeletePls tell them, I have chosen to remain a happy single mum. I was shattered as a wife, slept everyday in misery. I am back to my happy jolly self. No point going back that lane for me. End of chapter. Mrs O
DeleteHow will the marriage last when the groom's hair was bushier than the bride's on their wedding day?
ReplyDeletelol
DeleteNa wa ooo.
DeleteHappy Valentine's day to them
ReplyDeleteAww Mrs O may u find love again. God will put a smile on ur face a again *Hugs* #Belle
ReplyDeletePeople act as if there were no divorces back then. In yorubaland, maybe not. In northern Nigeria, plenty women divorce and remarry. Even ibos did, why else the provision for returning bride price. Honestly it's mostly among yorubas that a divorced woman had no premium per se. So she stays in a loveless, often times abusive and polygamous union and we hold that up as a standard for today?
ReplyDeleteLots of marriages broke up in the past abeg, they just didn't make it to social media
Gbam. Best thing said here.
Deletethey both look gay to me. guy as a homo and girl as a lesbo. Galore please confirm.
ReplyDeleteThose days, if a man was tired of one wife, he took another. No woman was talking about sexual satisfaction, etc. they suffered in silence to avoid stigma. Bad people have been in existence from time immemorial. Rose
ReplyDeleteTaye! Very well said....that's the only fool proof way to stay in any marriage. Thank you for being so clear.
ReplyDeleteTaye! Very well said....that's the only fool proof way to stay in any marriage. Thank you for being so clear.
ReplyDelete