There is something i witnessed on Sunday February 2,2014.
In the afternoon of Sunday,i had a discussion with a Nigeria female who is well known and we talked about that Miley Cyrus remix song where the Nigerian Parents beat their child for misbehaving…she found it really funny and asked me if i had seen it.
I told her that i had and that i didn't find it funny because that was kinda supporting that it was okay to beat children….i hate anything that has to do with beating a child as punishment…i believed there are other ways to punish a child…..(notice the past tense)
she told me to watch it again and have a laugh and that Nigerian parents are the best in when it comes to instilling discipline in their kids…..she went on and on telling me most of us turned out right because of how our parents disciplined us..i agreed and promised to re-watch the video with an open mind.
I went out to dinner a few hours later and as i ate some people came in and i watched them…two obese grown up women and their very old and smiling parents…..The father was really old and walked with a limp whilst the mother looked tired and needed to catch her breath.
One of the daughters had a dog and kept kissing and petting the dog…by this time i had stopped eating,my cutlery was hanging as i watched them.
In this Restaurant,you have to go order for your food from the kitchen counter….the two grown up daughters sat down and sent off their limping father to order for food for the four off them……..my cutlery dropped in shock.
The old man came back practically dragging the drinks he had ordered,he arranged them on the table and was about to sit down and wait when his daughters sent him back to bring glasses for their drinks….he replied ''oh,i forgot''
He came back with the glasses and the other daughter sent him off again and he went…..and they they sent their old mum to get them something again whilst they browsed on their phones and giggled.
My mouth hung open in shock as i stared and starred and starred…….The girls noticed my open mouthed stare and frowned.
When the little pod on their table vibrated to show that they could go and pick up their food,one of the daughters said ''Papa,food is ready for pick up''
The old man limped away to quickly bring the food ……by this time my open mouthed stare had turned to anger..i felt like cussing out these two ladies…..
What i saw cannot happen in Nigeria,never!….children do not send their parents on errands in Nigeria
My mind went back to the Miley Cyrus' song and i said a ''thank you God'' for having a Nigerian orientation.
What do you have to say about the Nigerian way of instilling discipline/respect in a child?
stella am stil bothered that u didnt find dis video funny
ReplyDeleteis ur sense of humor made of concrete?
Was going to send u a mail on something similar. Nigerian discipline of a child is ok to an extent(not the over harsh type). I can't imagine my kid saying to me 'don't be silly mum!'
ReplyDeleteLol! D harshness dnt make some kids turn out fine,but hardens dem d more,but kindness makes some kids better! So i think d turn out is relative!
ReplyDeleteI watch American films and i baffle at d way oyinbos bring thr kids up,they value their kids feelings n opinions,but in naija,ur parents force thr opinions down ur throats and see whr dt has brought us!
I blive d oyinbo way is beta bcos in d long run,dey av a beta sense of right or wrong compared to naija pple! Look at the way dey run thr govt and make ur decisoin. Charity begis at home
If urs are,my parents are not autocratic,they listen n respect ur views....it depends on d parents' attitude sha...my parents are very reasonable,esp my dad(God rest his soul)...wen u misbehave,they discipline u mildly n correct u...5 minutes later we'r all laughing together again.everyone looked forward to d mornin n evenin prayer n weekend breakfast/sunday lunch cos dos were d best times...how I miss those days
DeleteWow! A lot of gud ur parents did u! Now run along!
DeleteI really love naija orientation of bringing up kids....that's how one of my sister's 10 years old son that stays in LA told me FUCK you Linda when I visited....he even called me by my name....no respect...the worst is that you can beat them.....you need to see the way he talks to his parents....my sister is in a very big mess and she is regrettin....I advised her to bring them down here when dey were still small but she refused....Call it old fashioned or child abuse,I don't joke with my CAIN...I have 3 of them....each of my children owns 1.....
ReplyDeleteLiving abroad is not the problem. Your sister is the Problem. A 10 year old using the F word is unacceptable even for the most laid back Oyinbo people.
Deletebull crap your sister has no morals herself.....i have lived abroad and my friend whose kids are born and still living in london never use swear words....the girls call aunty and are respectful to elders and i have seen their mum beat them but not like u want to kill them....again i see alot of nigerian families who do not teach their children manners...i have white friends who do not use swear words and are respectful though the only thing is they can say their minds on anything and have the freedom to choose on any matter.....there has to be a balance and even the bible says that....while you do not spare the rod and spoil the child the bible says parents should not provoke their children to anger......the problem with raising kids abroad is that you have to work hard at home to teach them how u expect them to be cos the society gives to much freedom....trust me some oyibos spank their kids but some totally do not dicsipline and thats where the problem is from...
DeleteIts a 50/50 thing. Parents should allow kids to voice their opinion(s) but shouldn't forget that they are d parents. Sometimes that whip comes in handy but shouldn't b overused.
ReplyDeleteSome parents take things too far,the best way of discipline is to be your child's freind
ReplyDeleteMy mum only flogged me ones in my life cuz I joined peer pressure to steal with my cousin(unforgettable memory).but even my mum is against beating she'll tell u only certain kids need it but as a nurse she'll try to even check if the child has mental issues which abusive parents never do.
One thing we all Nigerians need to understand is that there is a difference between discplining a child and abusing that child. Punishing the child with house chores, smacking them or even flogging them is acceptable when the parent tells the child what they did wrong, and immediately remove the negative reinforcement once the desired behaviour is displayed. Constantly flogging them, cussing them out, or even injuring them will only harden them, make them resentful of you and will not achieve anything at the end of the day
ReplyDeleteAm sure carrot and stick is not nigerian language.We nigerians,overdo somethings even when we know the consequences.Its not about location (home or abroad),its about discipline.In my view,there is no way a disciplined parent will bring up a brat.The basics like respect towards others is the start,simple words like sorry,thank you,excuse me ,please.
ReplyDeleteAbi o.
ReplyDeleteYou see unruly children in malls/public places, screaming their heads off, rolling on the ground for flimsy reasons, sweeping goods off supermarket shelves and generally holding their parents to ransom.
For where? I beat my kids in this Oyinbo country that I am. Outdoors, I use "eyes" to talk to them and they comply immediately. That's the specialty of Yoruba mothers when we were kids. You looked at your mum's eyes and body language and understand the message at once. No amount of pleading from a hostess will make you take a drink when your mum's eyes clearly says "No".
Neighbours, family friends, teachers were allowed to discipline a child. I still have marks from a teacher's cane, my mum applauded the teacher. These days, values are being sacrificed on the altar of westernization. Some kids that live in Naija are not any better than those spoilt daughters you saw. But at least, there isn't an enabling environment for such rubbish in Naija. The restaurant manager and other customers must correct the girls.
Well said Goldscent Diamond... The problem is not where you live but how you raise ur kids....I live abroad too and I punish my kids thoroughly when they misbehave and then I call back later on, hug them and make them promise not to repeat same mistake again. They are my kids and I love them dearly, but I also know that if I spare the rod, then I am spoiling the child. In trying to raise Godly children, I have come to realize that I must raise my children in the right path... Yes, I punish them when necessary... I have seen kids seriously misbehave in schools... At my son's class the other day ( my son is in pry 1), I saw a black African boy repeating shouting at the teacher cos he was instructed on what he should do... To think that they are just 3 black kids and 21 white kids in a class of 24... Well, I told the teacher dat any day, my son behaves like that in class, he should be punished and the white teacher was like huh? I said yes.... Make him skip playtime, make him sit alone in the computer room for sometime, just some kind of punishment.... I believe in punishments, I am one very strict mom... I am still waiting for an opportunity to discuss the boy's very rude behavior with his mom.... You don't just have children... You must be ready to assume full responsibility for them....
DeleteAs a growing child, the fear of my momma was d beginning of wisdom for me.... All she had to do was to look at me... And watz more, I have turned out well... Momma raised an achiever and for that, I am forever thankful.
Again, as a parent never forget the God- factor, committing your children to God and helping them build a relationship with him.
Always resorting to the rod is not a good idea tho but my mum would beat me and then, sit me down afterwards. and have a really good talk with me. My mum introduced us to God right frm childhood and its been great. Due to her upbringing, we don't step outta line. my brothers who are all grown ups won't even touch alchohol or cigg, but me dey drink sha but na coded. Lol.
ReplyDeleteMy bros are fantastic cooks, and my mum's upbringing keeps us all in love.
Parents shud inculcate rod and communication and always endeavour to lift their kids in prayers.
Interesting topic, thank u Stel.
nothing wrong in beating a child but no injuries, putting pepper in tohtoh, denying food and all that crap some parents do......if you think the nigerian way is better how come we still get all kinds of stories everyday about how people misbehave even on this blog? what sins do the oyibos commit that nigerians dont commit? when i was young i can count only twice my dad beat me...yet i had friends who use to jump the fence in their parents house at night to go to parties, commit abortions like how many times but at home boys dont dare come near their house and flogging was a constant activity.......my dad use to allow our friends and even male ones to the house. my parents have not had cause to suffer any disgrace cos of us and beating was not a constant thing in our house.....so the issue for me is balance.....you should beat sometimes and then communicate.....i hope with this few points of mine i have been able to convince you that a mixture of the nigerian and oyibo way is better....lol
DeleteStella!!!!! Ma parent beat me shege oooooh.we had Cainsssss plenty in our house...Ma parent don't talk much d Cain will do d resetting..Even got cained by ma dad in ma 1yr during one of d holz.. Am grateful cos it made me better....But won't train ma kids with rod biko!!!
ReplyDeleteI had the same experience while growing up my dad beats me like crazy, I was even scared of him. I started being free with him when I grew up and got married. I just realized now that he is not that bad. That doesn't mean that I'll train my children that way.
Delete