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'' am a Yoruba lady married to an igbo guy and we reside in the UK.
I recently lost and buried my father and my sister and i flew my mum to the UK to be with us so we can take care of her and she can rest for a little while while we sort out her new living arrangement back home without her husband of almost 50 yrs.
The plan was for her to spend a few weeks with my sister and her family, then come to mine and do the same before going back home.
Now my husband and in laws refused saying this is against their culture in igbo land that my mum can not sleep over in my home as it is against their tradition n culture for a widow to sleep over in her children's home until after at least 6 months.
This has caused so much bitterness and resentment in my heart towards my husband and his family as i feel i have been deprived of being there for my mum at the one time she needs me the most in her life. I am her closest daughter and this is a woman that has given all her life and never asked me for a favor or 1 kobo in her life.
My mum is Yoruba not igbo and we are all Christians too, supposed born again.
My igbo people conversant with igbo tradition and culture, are my emotions not in place? Am i overreacting? Is there really a culture like this? what exactly does it say? ''
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I don't really know how its done, maybe some of back home can enlighten us.
ReplyDeleteWhich kind of English is dis"some of back home"
Delete*u*
DeleteThis Yoruba lady has simply com to tarnish our image.
DeleteThere isn't such in our culture at all.
If ure being truthful,your husband n his people simply don't want ur mummy around.Believe me,igbos are the most accommodating i've seen in this world. Why? Igbos are very migratory in nature. They cannot to be hostile to strangers because most times they are often strangers talk more of family.
Poster you posting this here will not help matter but will worsen the whole issue.you should settle it behind the closed doors.
Deletewhy didnt you just keep quiet?
Deletein my place nothing like this.Maybe your in-laws are angry with your taking your mother over seas.It is purely a personal thing not cultural. In my own point of view
DeleteBia madam poster,in a way,Igbo culture forbids that. If ur mother is still mourning ur father,it is very wrong and forbidden for her to sleep outside her home. It contravenes the Igbo culture and tradition for Nwanyi ajadu ( mourning woman) to be traveling like Lewis the traveller and Ajala travel all over the world. Or do u want to bring curse on ur family? We are ndi Igbo,unadulterated ndi Igbo,I know u won't understand bcos u re ofemmanu and as it stands u pipos tradition is upside down but u respect it ooo,why can't u respect our own? Let ur mother mourn ur late father then,she can even stay with u guys titi lailai . But make sure una no dey speak ngbatingbati for that house ooo,also make sure u dey give ya horsband better/ correct food ,no be amala ati ewedu,GOodluck .
DeleteI've heard of such tradition amongst the Ibos (I'm Ibo).
DeleteThere is a saying, 'onye kwe, chi ya e kwe'. In other words, what you believe in would definitly affect you.
Unfortunately your husband believes in this tradition cos it is feared that 'death' or something would follow the widow into your home.
You just have to accept it cos he's not doing it to spite or hurt you but outta fear.
Marriage is for better or worse.
Endure it, Bear it. It will soon pass.
Xoxo
Mrs Akudo and Porsh, what???? She should abandon her mother because of her husband's tradition. Na una dey forsake all because of one man and then he will turn around and show you PEPPER. This lady is not Igbo and her mother is not. Akudo, you have spoken like what they normally call us. Haba how can you sound so ignorant.
Delete@Mrs akudo..pple like u shud be thrown off a bridge...raped by a shark and eaten by it...what kind of comment is this?? do u av to degrade yoruba cos u re igbo?? Unadulterated igbo indeed..man eaters..oloshi oloriburuku...is ur tradition dt is upside down...stupid ass muthafucking bitch!
Delete@mrs akudo u r stupid.is this the advice she seeks?shes not igbo u shd educate her.not come here and say nonsense.i no blame u.i blame person wey leave her race go marry pple wth annoying backward cultures.bloody irritant like u
DeleteMrs akudo,oloriburuku ni e
DeleteM-amie missed her medications again.
DeleteThey keep contradicting themselves. Do they even have culture at all. Awon one ale navigation. Afipaji Baba.
DeleteNa okija wife send memo
DeleteIn d days of old, no1 gets close to a widow except she is a widow also for her period of mourning but now, times have changed. It is believed that death lurks around your mum for now, but I don't think it matters.
DeleteThe problem is that your husband doesn't want it and if anything happens after you insist, he will blame you. Why doesn't your mum stay with your siSter and you can always go visiting. Sleep over if you want to. It is true that you are a yoruba woman but the moment you marry a man, you become a part of his culture too. It would be the same if you were igbo and married a yoruba man. I feel sorry for you cz I know how you feel.
M-amie it's now official.....The stupidity genes is in your DNA......
DeleteMamie you are so stupid and always sound retarded.....what if that is what they told her? Will she know what is their custom or not? Is that not why she is asking the igbos to clarify? Gosh....which man gree marry dis kind Olodo put for house sef?
DeleteAkudo nwanne Iwu aturu! You be complete nmee, goat. Chai. Make your point and leave the trashy talk about peoples tribes.
Delete@ poster: sorry NNE..but the thinking is backward
Mumu Akudo r u trying to advice her 2 abandon her mum just because of a superstitious believe. Those traditions were made by people n r meant to be broken. How many of our traditiond or superstitious believes r still in existence. My dear sister akudo borrow urself some brains n learn how to do what is right. Pls visit my blog to promote ur songs n to see n listen 2 d latest songs in naija www.lyrical4ces.wordpress.com
DeleteMrs Akudo, your comment is highly offensive, am ibo as well but am so very upset at ur words. U sure deserve all d insults, abuses n curses u get. Let's try n b civil, I know a lot of people are frustrated by d state of the economy, where u can hardly feed urself or wear good cloths or even live in a porch neighbourhood. Stop taking ur frustration on others, it can only get worse. Stay positive. Chao.
DeleteMrs Akudo, I have never ever heard a person sound ignorant, uncivilised, tribalistic, and illiterate all @ once. Clap 4 urslf.
DeleteJustPorsh managed to make her comment sensible. Go gurl.
Mrs Akudo, may u nt lose ur husband o (say amen) so that ur kids will nt abandon you for 6 months as u cld bring them badluck (u already are, madam).
Mrs Akudo, what you typed is wrong and acidic. You have to apologize. I am Igbo BTW.
DeleteMy friend, they dont have respect for anybody nd very rude . because it will be difficult to control ur mom. .only what an igbo man kns is don't don't thy are all the same.
DeleteI'm not igbo or yoruba but dat is a crazy culture.pls poster take care of ur mum I beg u n dammm tradition
ReplyDelete@ mrs. Akudo,what sort of igbo extremist re u? I m usin a small case 4u cos pple lik u re worthless! Jezz,n u re a woman? I m nt yoruba n hv never bn so irritated like ds. Slikky
DeleteItz jst tradition, if u pplr feel tradition iz retarded and stale, y do u pple still ve traditional marriages? A woman in mouring shldnt move arund 4 @least 6mnths. Ur husband means no harm itz jst tradition. We believe itz payn ur lst respect to ur husband. U might be yoruba buh d moment u gt married to ur husband, u became igbo by marriage so endure my dear sista. After 6mnths, am sure ur husband won't ve a problem wiv ur mum stayn wiv u. Goodluck
DeleteAbeg ooo..ur hubby and family aint igbo at all...you know there are different types of igbo...maybe he is delta igbo or all these south south ppl...Jor ☺..which one is she can't stay with you ppl..na lie.
ReplyDeleteU dey craze y u dey involve delta.POC e no dey happen for our side
DeleteI suspect they are probably from Delta. My Deltan mother in-law too always comes up with all sorts of traditional practices that are always strange to my 'real' ibo friends. Although I suspect the woman creates her own lies/traditional rites and practices.
DeleteIts sad that your husband will support his family to deprive you of being there for your mother.
What do you know about Delta Igbos? We don't have such a culture please. Get your facts before u start to dey finger another people
DeleteWalahi you got me thinking the same cause I have never heard of this
DeleteI even think its a lie, they are just using it to justify their actions
Do not feel bad my dear marriage comes with diff issues
And wch south south person claims to b igbo, tribalistic boffun. It's miscreants like you that are dis nations problem. Now run along little gal.
DeleteNo culture like that in the South South ok! You sound angry with ppl from South South?
DeleteMrs Akudo I am Igbo but I cannot believe the CRAP that just fell out of your mouth. How did God create some people? I am amazed at your utter stupidity.
DeleteMonkey, remove south south from this issue abeg!
Deletea south-south person can never claim to be igbo...so please, educate yourself
DeleteHoney am a correct ibo chikita n dere is nuffin like that,ur husband n his people r just backward in their tinking or dey don't like ur mother, na him one time my aunt dey tel me cocoyam is forbidden in my village I chop am nuffin happen I even do cocoyam soup ontop,ur husband n his people r barbaric
ReplyDeleteNo dey're not,it's true,a widow doesn't step out until she her mournin period is over,it's true.doh mordernization and christainity is takin over bt traddition is traddition,gv ceaser wat belongs 2 ceaser. Especially if u're not dat spirikoko and ur faith can't carry it,most of u sayin it doesn't exist are proly not more dan 30yrs old and township brought up,go back 2 d east and ask ur grandmas,it happens in almst all eastern states
DeleteStupid Tradition! What has the dead got to do with the living?
ReplyDelete~HOLLYROBB~
Hummm dis one pass me. Over to igbo/Yoruba.
ReplyDeleteWhich kain culture? I'm Igbo and I never heard such a ridiculous and stupid thing!!! These ur in laws , are they educated? Sit ur hubby down and explain how u feel. They just make one to be ashamed to be Igbo. Can u imagine. Chidinma
ReplyDeleteHer hubby is already sitted. As you are ashamed to be an igbo girl BEST for you,then turn to be a yoruba person and delete that Chidimma you wrote as your name and start from today to answer Bukola or Yetunde as the case may simply be. ONYE ARA K'IBÚ.Who even wants you amongst the BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING NDI-IGBO? Join the yorubas thats where you belong Yetunde like you.
DeleteKpakpando, nkita lacha gi anya there. Kitikpa jide kwa gi dorisia gi kirikiri ebe ahu. Otu gbawakwa gi afo there. Mkpi onitsha di ka gi. IDIOT!!!!
DeleteThe tribalistic comments here made by bigots is a true reflection of the state of the country. We should keep deluding ourselves with the dream of ONE NIGERIA.
DeleteHi poster, sorry for your loss. I am Ibo and I lost my dad in 2012. Still trying to recover from the shock. There is no such thing where I come from, a small town in Anambra state. In fact, after my dad's burial, I brought my mum to be with me in Abuja (she stays in Lagos) for a while. The only thing am aware of is that unless necessary, she was not meant to be out late/ at night. (She was out late on several occasions my dear). This is the first time am hearing of this tradition. I am not the best person to ask though, as we stopped frequenting our village after the passing on of my grand mother several years back.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your hubby and make him understand your worry. Your mum needs people with her at this time. My mum was grateful for the company at the time. But in all things, please apply wisdom with prayers.
All the best dear.
All I can do is sigh. I am so sorry my sister. Funny cultural practices I swear...very stupid at that. I know every tribe has practices but our own too much abeg.
ReplyDeleteI would say lies from the pits of hell! Could be specific to their area though.... Never heard of it.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of culture will restrict someone from comforting her mom? Am sorry but this isn't right,at this age and time we should be way past that na. There are somethings that shouldn't be heard of... They should try and compromise knowing u are not from their side
ReplyDeleteDear you are not overreacting at all. I will feel the same way if I were in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteI'm Igbo and I know there are some traditions like that but that was then na, haba. We don't keep to most of thoese things now. I feel your husband's people went too far. They claim to be christians yet they reason like pagans. Smh.
I am Igbo and have never heard of this practice but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist. Calmly talk to your husband alone and try to make him see reasons (which you shouldnt have to do in the first place) but marriage can cause some issues. I pray that you resolve this in Jesus name...amen
ReplyDeleteYou probably misunderstood it. If your dad dies, you can't take your mum away immediately. She has to stay and mourn her husband for six months at least except she's very sick then u can take her away.
ReplyDeleteThank you my sister. All those saying 'lies from the pit of hell, bla bla...', there is something called tradition. She is to MOURN her husband for 6months. Poster calm down abeg, your husband is so right
DeleteAnon, igbo tradition does not govern the mother or daughter abeg you guys should rest.
DeleteHelloooo, she is NOT ibo for christ sake!
DeleteDull girls! This isn't Brazilian hair. The boy is Ibo. Ibos mourn their deceased spouses for at least six months before they go back to their normal waka! It's not anything that carries a curse if you don't but that's what tradition says. I'm not saying she should abandon her mum cos I'm Ibo and I won't leave my mum either. But tradition is tradition. Shebi na una dey sabi shout tradition for this blog well well? If the mother was a minister I'm sure after the burial she will get back to work sooner than anyone thinks.
DeleteWhat trash are you all talking? So if she is not ibo she must then shave her hair and mourn for 6 months? Which idiot told you people a woman married to someone for 50 years will not mourn? A stupid tradition that only seeks to oppress women yet the men like dogs will be given a woman to sleep with.....doesn't that tell you hypocrites who call yourselfs Christian but do not really know this God that some traditions of men do not need to be upheld? It is ur likes who will in the name of tradition oppress women when u have the chance......this tradition is stupid, barbaric and those who abide by it need their brains examined.......arrant nonsense
DeleteBut d woman in question is yoruba, y in God's name should a yoruba woman follow ibo tradition? Dis really beats my damn imagination abeg, ur inlaws serious do not just want ur mum to visit shikena...
DeleteShe is NOT Ibo, poster's mother is from a different culture, kinda seems like the inlaws are imposing their culture on her, which is wrong. People should make up their minds, are they going to stick to Christianity or traditional religion, you can't be doing half and half.
DeleteI'm an Igboman resident in the Netherlands and here is what i know about this thing.
ReplyDeleteIn the traditional igbo society,(remember, I said"traditional"), Women who are morning their husbands are generally exempted from doing a number of things until after they have finished mourning their deceased husband. This normally takes between 6 months to 1 year. However, I'M NOT VERY SURE IF THESE RESTRICTIONS ALSO INCLUDE TRAVELING, BUT I CAN IMAGINE THAT IN SOME PLACES, THAT COULD BE THE CASE. However, its all about choice and in this case, only your mother can decide how she wants to mourn her deceased husband and not your husband or any other person. Your husband is definitely overacting. As far as i'm concerned this is not an issue at all. It could possibly be that this is how its done in his part of Igboland but your Mum is not Igbo and apparently, its done differently in Yorubaland. You need to manage this situation very CAREFULLY. Activate your woman power and talk to your husband. Only you knows how and the best time to talk to him. You must never see this as me versus my inlaws kind of thing (although, it looks like one), because it could snowball into a family war that could make life miserable for you in your marriage. Please avoid that. Talk to your husband, get his close Igbo friends to speak to him, he will change his mind. Good luck!!!
Nice comment so far.
DeleteAwww. U sound so mature n nice. Good advice
DeleteGbam! U said ma mynd.Eve E Ume
DeleteCorrect advice! God bless you
DeleteA 1000 likes for dis comment
DeleteCorrect person with correct comment...best comment so far not that useless@mrs akudo comment...
DeleteWell done Sir. Wonderful advice,unlike all the dullards above. And please leave Delta out of this brouhaha!
DeleteAbsolutely brilliant.
DeleteVery matured talk.
DeleteI hope she reads your comment! One more like for you!
Deletegreat comment!!!
Deleteshe should also be careful cos the man apparently believes in the 'evil-lurking' thing,and she he change his mind cos of her insistence, if anything (God forbid) should happen afterwards, the man will definitely blame her
My sister u just need 2 tak it easy o,u can stil try and let them see reasons to what ure sayin. Bt I dnt think tride has anytin to do wit dis o. May b mama in-law wan control her home. Abi na mama's booooY??. It is well.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for d comment to roll in
ReplyDeleteNot sure which part of igbo has this culture but its possible
ReplyDeleteIgboTIC thingz.....mtcheeeeeeew! #Yes, a Looong Hiss@that!
ReplyDeleteMe, has never toasted an Igbo girl in my Life; and never will I.........
I'd rather marry a Sudanese!
But this guy, you worwor o
DeleteThey would not even marry you
DeleteGo and make money
C the mouth you want to use and kiss self eww
No right thinking igbo girl wil ever stoop so low to date/marry a jobless persn like u. Shinning teeth evrywia like a burnt goat.anumpama
DeleteYomiiiiiii! I biri njo aka! Ijoro njo eji apu court sai! Get an interpreter
DeleteWhich kind custom and tradition is this. The man did not die an untimely death as he died at a ripe old age. I am Igbo but i have not heard of such tradition. May God help us all as we have seen the light and still want to go back to the dark ages.
ReplyDeletePLS TALK WITH UR HUSBAND, ITS NOT LIKE U MUM WLD COME AND STAY 4EVER, I PROMISE U IF IT WAS D OTHER CASE UR HUSBAND WONT EVEN ASK 4 UR PERMISSION, MA DEAR A MOTHER IS NOT REPLACEABLE USE UR HEAD
ReplyDeleteI have never heard a thing like this.....except your mum is Igbo....,Which part of the eastern part are u from?.....in my place,when a man dies,his wife will stay in the villa for 1month if she wants ooo before going back to her base.....and come bck in 3 months or 6months time to remove her mourning dress.....Poster,your husband's people is just being jealous....that's all
ReplyDeleteEziokwu ka ikwuru... But not if you want o, at least 1 month to show some respect naa.
DeleteHeartbreaking! Why would they say her mum shouldn't come around? That's too bad. Do they want the old woman dead as a result of loneliness? If it were to be the husband's mum,will he say his mum shouldn't come around because of some superstious culture?* Make we dey try chuk awa sef pin and see as e dey pain for body before we chuk another person,biko*. That's why I don't gbadun the Igbo culture*their culture get k-leg*. And mind u,don't come and cuss me out cos I'm both Igbo and Yoruba(half cante ni mi).
ReplyDeleteAnyways,lemme take this long seat ___________/ while I wait for M-amie(minister for fair-skin complexion talks and tribalistic affairs) to come and explain to us the brain behind that aspect of her culture.
U no dey Fall my Hands for this blog @ Debby-J
DeleteFair-skin my teeth............awon Pela's client gbo-gbo..........
Lolz @ half cante..madame na half caste.
DeleteShut up,it is not half caste it is bi_racial or mulatto
DeleteNa SDK teach us half cante
DeleteDear SDKers
ReplyDeleteAm sorry to deviate your attention from the main topic of discussion right now, reason is that I have a problem that won't let me rest and I would like to share it with u and possible get a solution. Please is important to me.I've been married for 7 years now to a man that nags all the time we have three angelic kids and we reside in Denmark. for the past 6 year, I had no job, basically occupied making babies and my studies but now i work with him.
He nags at every slightest thing I say or do,I take care of everything that has to do with our kids and home except the financial aspect, the school activities inclusive. whenever he asks me to do something and I dear say am tired, he will scream out immediately "you don't love me!" i need to get a concubine, I can't waste my time being unhappy with any woman!. because of this, I do everything even when am exhausted for the day, I still pretend like am not and beckon to all his calls just to make him happy and save my marriage. In our home, I must bake bread for the family everyday, cook at least four times a day and then he will ask me to bake other pasteries and I dear not say am worn out. The other day, he asked me to do his pedicure I was really exhausted, it was already 10pm I told him to leave it for the weekend he got upset! and said, if it were other women, they will hurridly jump at it but you, I dont know what kind of woman u are! u are tired all the time, I pay the bills in this house, u nothing! do your house chores, u are complaning of tiredness. I go to bed sometimes 11pm or 12pm just because I have to seat next to him until his ready to go to bed, if I don't, then "u dont love me" will be the next phrase. I wake up everyday except weekends at 5.20am to make his breakfast, make his launch, make breakfast for our kids and their launch box and then prepare two of them for kindergarten while the smallest of them still stays home. when they come back from school, I have to make launch, prepare them for the next activities maybe for language class, swimming class or sports depending on the day and then take them there. I don't drive cos he was not interested in my going to driving school, I only started last month to learn the theory aspect after fighting hard to get it from him. we live in a house that is not his choice not because we can't afford one but because he doens't want to spent his money buying things or leaving in a house that tomorrow he will no longer own *his assumption*. now the most painful one is whenever he starts nagging, its accompanied with hurtful words like bastard, go to hell, I will divorce you,you are useless to me, I don't even know why i married you! to cut this story, I will swear with my life, I have never slept with any man since I got married to him, we haven't even done our white wedding all effort to get it done was seen as my means of trying to share his property with him, he don't care about what I put on, I dont have a single box, every cloth I wear I bought from sales aout of money I squeez out when he tells me to go and buy food stuff. I cry almost everyday but I wipe my tears because of my kids, I am not from a broken home and so I do not wish one for my kids they are my joy and I can give in myself for them. Our sexual life is dropping drastically and I found out that I dont desire sex from him anymore, its alway 2minutes sex, and i dont get wet for him I dont know why, please help! I type with tears.
OMG!!! This really heart wrecking...
DeleteWhy are pple not commenting on ds post, Why not send it to stella's mail so u cn get better help nd advice on stellakuko@hotmail.com
May God comfort u nd lead u aright
I read your story earlier on, under the story of the Nigeria military guy who got an award from the queen, and I responded. Maybe you should go there and check if my response has been published.
DeleteEyah! Na you do yourself like house girl. Whish kain stupid useless marriage be dat?
DeleteYour husband hates you,he doesn't wish you well at all and truth is, when the kids are all grown to a level they can survive with their dad alone, he will send you away.
Take charge of your life, marriage is not everything.
This is really sad, pls first pray, then decide to be happy,marriage is full of ups and down, but try and talk to him about this first, see what says, he is ur husband, u should know when he best listens,re-assure him that u love him, tell him, even when u don't meet up With his need, let him know he is still d love of ur life, but if he is hell bent on making u miserable, pls let him go, marriage is not by Force.
DeleteHmmm madame ur story is very touching...I noticed dere re no comments on this ur post..is better u send it straight to stella's email so dt pple can advise u on wat to do..
DeleteMy dear, hurry up and take a job that will make you leave home. He is taking you for granted because you don't have a personal income. Continue to be good to him, but be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove. Some people do not appreciate what they have until they lose it. Rose.
DeleteMy dear, pls take it to God in prayers.He will surely restore Ur joy.
DeleteYour home is already broken my dear. What kind of man calls his wife names and tells her to go to hell. He isn't doing you any favour. Get a life pls. Don't raise your children in that kind of negative environment. Verbal and domestic violence is a vicious cycle. It will affect them. And he keeps threatening you. Bull crap!
DeleteMy dear... I feel you completely... I stay in Europe too with husband and kids.
DeleteHave you considered going back to school... Getting a masters and relocating back home to naija with the kids, he can come with you or come for visits as he wishes.
A man loses all respect for you when you don't earn anything... Getting a degree would give you a job when you get back home... You can always come for visits with the kids, tour the world with your kids.
Europe is really very depressing, especially if you live in a non- English speaking country.... Back home you would have your friends and family and your kids to keep you happy.
Please give a serious thought to this... Upgrade yourself and go back home... Start searching for cheap courses you can do at any Uni in Denmark there.... All the best.
My dear I imagine that he took u abroad right? That's always the brain behind such a man like himself. What I see here is a man who wants kids and not a family that includes a wife. Love is absent here, necessity and tradition has become the order of the day.
DeleteAn Egocentric man who wants to remind his wife everyday that he is the boss with the balls, I paid ur bride price, u are answerable to me, u must wait up on me like a PA until close of d day. The next time he tells u that crap about what other women are willing to do for him, tell him to fucking go ahead. Trust me he won't do it because he is a self centered stingy man and no woman leaving in Denmark or anywhere abroad will take that shit from him without having him pay tru his anus.
You have to redeem your self esteem, u are his help mate and not his slave. If u work with him or for him, he should pay u some salary. You should request an income since u dont even get money to buy yourself reasonable outfits. I see him as someone who wouldn't even allow u any social events or friends, so perhaps he'll start to query why u need nice clothes etc. Do not let him confine and ostracise u from normal life pls.
He's living his life as he wishes and u should be entitled yours. Please madame do not just read all comments without putting the reasonable advices to use.
While I will not ask u to be rude to him, I expect u to challenge him. You will not enjoy sex with him because he doesn't treat u as a wife or a lover...but rather He sees u as a baby machine and a steward. Pls emancipate yourself and renew your rightful vows with him if u must. If he won't change drop him like a bad habit and move on.
Depression can kill faster than being physically battered. It will make u look 3x older than ur age. Above all ask God for help.
Dear poster please leave this man.....I don't have the energy to type and analyse everything but from what you have said here all he wanted was kids and a woman to take care of him.....he does not love you one bit......don't leave immediately though, try gather some money.....am sure he will not want you to work so u can be at his beck and call.....if things get desperate go and report to a shelter for abused women......yes you are being abused if all you say here is true.......pls don't take things lightly cos I don't want a situation where frustration can explode and lead to violence......May God give u wisdom
DeleteWhat kind of stupid man is that, if it were to be him would he have sought your opinion before bringing in his mum to your house? Abeg, go and take care of your mum however you can, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ANOTHER MUM. Don't let him stop you, if he wants to leave let him leave. What rubbish. This is why I always tell girls make sure you have your own money o, job, business anything, cos all these men wanna treat us like waste product. Nonsense!
ReplyDeleteSweetheart my heart goes out to you for your loss. We live in the uk and not in the village soplease let him remember that. This traditional nonsense has broken a lot of relationships. It doesn't give you free ticket to heaven
ReplyDeleteWish I knew about the Ibo culture, but I don't think that's true
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of this culture, but people have different funny cultures. You are not overreacting . Many Igbos take their parent away after the demise of the other to relief his or her grief. Take it easy and resolve it amicably. Intertribal marriage is not easy. Rose
ReplyDeleteSo called Christian, yet he wants to use culture to traumatized another human being...not just another human being; his MOTHER INLAW. Such gross stupidity. If he was married to a Chinese or British woman would he and his family even dare to think about flexing their cultural muscles? Rubbish! #DomesticViolence.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk Memphis...ds topic is very annoying...woe betide any husband who tells me this rubbish! jeez..
DeleteThis why I can't marry an ibo,the culture and customs are just too much and they have a way of victimizing non igbo when they marry them,it is better they keep marrying themselves.I'm nt a tribalist I'm just starting what I have seen...poster just explain it to your sister so your mum can stay longer with her nd you can be paying her visits.
ReplyDeleteThis is ridiculous... From the comments above, you can be assured dis is not a known tradition. I am Igbo, Anambra and i can say tis is the first i hv ever hrd such. Your husband's relatives should have zero say in this matter as your mum is not igbo. sorry but if your mother-in-law becomes a widow, then, they can talk about the tradition. Just clarify, which part of igbo, let us find out if it is true or if your husband (and family) is just scared of having an in-law living with him.
ReplyDeleteStella i be wan gist SDK n d whole house abt somtin weey I don confirm now,so 2 no say na true. Bt may b not on dis topic o. If u post somtin abt d person (na lagos babe sha) I go gist nna. Bt mak I giv u small,Naa she dey style musicians n film peps dis days n jst get baby o
ReplyDeleteNa Toyin lawani nah. Wetin happen? She don get belle again??
DeleteToyin? Abeg nack us d story.
DeleteI am not aware of any such tradition, but the Igbos are spread over Abia, Anambra, Ebonyi, Enugu and Imo states. There are also Igbo speaking people in Delta and Rivers. It could be a tradition specific to ur husbands village.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, why would ur husband bring this issue to the knowledge of his folks in the first place? That seems weird to me. Ordinarily, the decision of whether or not a relative should visit, should be b/w a
couple. I hope his people do not have an undue hold over him.
My advice is for you to clarify from someone from the same village as ur hubby, or if you don't mind sharing it here then maybe someone from there can confirm.
When you do get this info, pls tread with caution. See if you can get your husband to change his mind. If he doesn't, for peace to reign in ur home, there's really not much you can do about, as unfair as that decision would be.
All the best and sorry for your loss.
The hubby's family just want to show they are in control!
ReplyDeleteThat's very mean of them.
U always speak my mind so l dont bother commenting. Thanks.
DeleteNot really sure abot traveling but widows mourn their husband between 6 months to one year, but ur mum is Yoruba so it should not affect her, just try and talk to ur hubby ok.
ReplyDelete@Dimma pearl
Stella where do you get these Emojis that you use this one is too funny lol! Poster tell him that you are now in Oyibo land so he should leave his fake culture back home
ReplyDeletePls where's ur hubby 4rm, just asked my dad & he says nothing of such happens in igbo land oo, anyway just take it easy ok!
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Abeg make I sit down.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Make I cook food first.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteUr husband self na wah, why must his family know ur mum is coming to spend some time with u? He is a man and should handle things without involving his families. For abroad again he is talking abt yeye culture . My sister bring in ur mother, if he don't want tell him to go and look for where to stay until ur mum goes back. Nonsense with all this cultures that's why Nigeria is in bondage, we can't live and marry ours without contradiction. We do not have such culture and as every tribe got theirs.
my dear its very possible in some areas
ReplyDeleteSTELLA WERE IS MY PREVIOUS COMMENT NA
ReplyDeleteHmm, never heard of this before, i am not igbo or yoruba. Now madam , this is my advice to you, don't let the devil use this to come into your home, please don't fight your inlaws. ( i don't like what they are doing to you ) In marriage you must always put your husband's culture in mind, sit your husband down and have a talk, if it is true that it is really his culture then madam you have to accept it as one of the cross you have to carry. What you will now do is talk to your other sister, share the bill with her and plead with her to help house your mum, but madam how come you did not discuss this with your husband before she even came? Good luck. Please don't fight your inlaws.
ReplyDeleteMy people its until something happens that you will learn some certain cultures. There are a lot of them that are used in everyday life but when it comes to marriage, birth or death you will hear different types. An example : when my hubby lost his dad, the mom was so devastated likewise all of us. Sometimes I heard her cry but we couldn't go to console her cos they said it'd only fellow Widows are allowed to sit n stay with her or else we will join d widow group
ReplyDeleteI had to stay away even when I new she needed me. Am not from there place n I respected that culture. Somehow I feel they know best n they know some repercussions I don't know most times I just listen. But not sure what to do if it has to do with my mum.
I knew some people would say things they know nothing about.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't really get the message! A woman in Igboland is not allowed to leave her husbands house during the mourning period which is often 6-12months period. Except on very rare circunstances. During this period she wears a black or white attire(that one nah her choice). The aim of this is to show respect for the dead and also help her receive favour from people when ever they see her in this attire. Yes, she could go anywhere she wants but must not move in with anyone during this period.
Paragon7ven.
Paragon the woman in question is NOT igbo. The widow I'd Yoruba...read again
DeleteI knew some people would say things they know nothing about.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't really get the message! A woman in Igboland is not allowed to leave her husbands house during the mourning period which is often 6-12months period. Except on very rare circunstances. During this period she wears a black or white attire(that one nah her choice). The aim of this is to show respect for the dead and also help her receive favour from people when ever they see her in this attire. Yes, she could go anywhere she wants but must not move in with anyone during this period.
Paragon7ven.
Must they now force the igbo custom on everybody,didn't you read that the poster mum is not igbo so that yeye custom is null and void
DeleteBut the poster and her family are igbos. The poster is igbo by marriage, so she should bear it......
Deleteexactly!!! she's now igbo by marriage and unfortunately her husband believes in it..so she has to be diplomat and find a way to take care of her mom til that time is past
DeletePls calm down n talk it oot wt ya honey.
ReplyDeleteWhy you go marry Igbo ?
ReplyDeleteOde
DeleteAbi o that is the same question I'm asking myself
DeleteUr husband is from Enugu, Nsukka dey are very strict wit culture and stuffs like this.
ReplyDeleteMy dear i understand exactly how you feel and am sorry for ur lost but the truth is ur hubby and his family memebers dont like ur mother thats the bitter truth, what i know is that a widow is supposed to mourn her hubby for atleast 6months during that period she will wear white thru out cos my mum did she mourned my dad for 6months but traveled back to where we live cos we were based outside nigeria.
ReplyDeletethat said dont allow that to cause problem between you and ur hubby pls let ur mum remain at ur sister's place cos it will even b bad if she comes to the house and ur hubby doesnt give her face or acting funny towards her, i know u really want to be there for her but you can still be by going to see her from time to time at ur sis's place and also sending her money for upkeep please take heart o. somethings we just bear all in the name e of marriage.
I'm a typical igbo man ( OKORO feeling funky) and I've never heard of this before. Its either (1) Your husband is looking for a reason to quarrel with you, (2) doesn't like your mum and is using that as an excuse, or (3) story is fake. *Okey Equipment*
ReplyDeleteHave a good day!
Yes in igboland if some one loseses ones spouse u r to mourn him/her for a perod of 6 mounts/ 1 year. During. This period u r to do that at ur home u r not supose to sleep outside or stay late there r some activities u r exampted from pls let ur mum morn her husband after that she can even live with u there no problem but allow her to morn her Husy pls.
ReplyDeleteOzuo can't you see she is not igbo,or did the ibo man marry the poster mother?.so why must she follow the customs? Anuofia
DeleteWhat has the husband's family got to do in issues between them,I sense some 'pokenosing' family things and babyish husband too.
ReplyDeleteWhen my beloved dad passed away 2 years ago, my siblings and I did not think twice about my mum coming back to the UK with us for 3 months so we could take care of her and let her not continually think and feel sad about losing my dad. It is ridiculous for them to think this way however I think you need to appeal to your husband. I pray things work well for you And your mum
ReplyDeleteTalk to your husband and in-laws, have them explain this peculiar culture and how it affect your lives. Try to reason with them and please be careful what you tell your mother as well about the situation because you don't want to cause her to recent her son in-law and his parents. Now, if this explanation is not gelling, nne you can find another husband but not another mother. Tell your husband, you will be going to your sister's house to take care of your mother daily. You make preparation for his meals, take care of the household matters but go and be with your mother. Give your sister small money for an make she carry buy extra food etc during mama's stay and your visit but please do not let anyone make you abandon your mother in her time of dire need for comfort.
ReplyDeleteYour husband and his people are very inconsiderate, I can't imagine a person tell me that I shouldn't go and take care of my aged mother after a devastating loss of her partner of FIFTY YEARS! You are either a Christian or a Pagan, you can't be both! You cannot be in church claiming Jesus as your Lord and Savior then you leave there and begin spouting superstitious beliefs about widows and death. Like say your mama go carry spirit of death enter una house den dat mean sey death go come run rampart for una house PUHHHLEASE! Girl, go and take care of the woman who give birth to you, raised you to be the woman he saw fit to marry! There has to be some compromise in marriage and a man should stand by his wife sometime against his family especially if its a matter than means a lot to his wife.
God bless u
DeleteGbam!
DeleteThe most popular union seems to be the one between the Igbos and the Yorubas. With this in mind, I have compiled a list, specially for everyone who is currently in such a relationship. If you have been pressured into breaking up because of tribal differences and you have no idea why you should – or if you should, then I am here to help you make that decision. Please read, digest, and understand the lists below.
ReplyDeleteReasons Igbos Should NOT Marry Yorubas:
1. They’re dirty.
2. All they know how to do is party.
3. They eat too much oil.
4. Their women flirt/sleep around too much.
5. Their men will ALWAYS cheat with a Yoruba woman.
6. They are loud and obnoxious. You can hear them from a mile away.
7. They are wild. They are the real “Akata” people.
8. They are Nigeria’s problem.
9. They don’t understand the Igbo culture.
10. They do too much juju.
11. They betrayed the Igbos during the Biafran war.
12. And to top the list, they are not Igbo.
Reasons Yorubas Should NOT Marry Igbos:
1. They’re rude; they have no respect.
2. All they know how to do is chase money.
3. Their pounded yam is as hard as stone.
4. They don’t put enough oil and spice in their food.
5. Their in-laws are wicked! The husband’s family will always maltreat the woman.
6. They cannot speak Yoruba, and even if they can, they do not know our culture.
7. They will sell their brother for money.
8. They won’t let us play our fuji music at home.
9. They’re Nigeria’s problem. They keep trying to divide us
10. When their women die, their bodies have to be returned to Igbo Land to be buried.
11. They eat human beings.
12. And the mother of all crimes, they are not Yoruba.
Chai! See analysis. Hahahahahahahahahaha
DeleteYou are mad, schizophrenia sturves!
DeleteWhat sense have you made now?keep thinking with your anus o,Anuofia
DeleteLmao..u re a fool I swear!
DeleteOmg.....lwkmd....
DeleteNumber 6 and 7 of yorubas disadvantage and number 3 and 7 of igbos got me laughing.......MAD NIGERIAN
Madam Poster, am so sorry, your husband is a BIG LIAR. I am a confirmed Igbo. Tell him to tell those stories to the ebbs. Am so angry in the spirit. Make people fear God o. I can stand on top of the roof and shout this. .... Those are not Igbo culture.
ReplyDeletePlease go and rent the best holiday apartment you can afford near to ur residence and put ur mum there for that period. You and her grand kids should visit as often as possible.
ReplyDeleteFlipping the bird at those bloody outlaws called inlaws
The man should stop lying please. Alot of people married to spouses not from there tribe lie about unknown traditions to perpetuate wickedness. Just like my ibo friend married to an Edo guy, come and see LIES.
ReplyDeleteI hate all these stupid culture and tradition things that make no sense. At times I break them deliberately just to prove my point. I'm not Ibo.
ReplyDeleteIn ma 26 yrs of being an ibo, dis is d first tym im hearing dis. Guez u misunderstood dia culture...let him xplain it beta to u...
ReplyDeleteI know a widow is not supposed to sleep in someone's house b4 the husband is buried (in my villa, arondizuogu), but after the burial? I have no idea. Maybe is ur husband peep's culture. If u can clarify b4 insisting bcos these things kill.
ReplyDeleteI know a widow is not supposed to sleep in someone's house b4 the husband is buried (in my villa, arondizuogu), but after the burial? I have no idea. Maybe is ur husband peep's culture. If u can clarify b4 insisting bcos these things kill.
ReplyDeleteI can only have one mother in this life...that is all I know.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmm!!! I came late on dis oh chai!!!
ReplyDeletemy sister,,be careful with dem oh!! No let dem igbo animals finish u oh!! Dats how my fada inlaw makes me angry alwayz with dis their mumu CULTURE of a ting!...........OKIJA WIFE
Hmmmmmmmmm!!! I came late on dis oh chai!!!
ReplyDeletemy sister,,be careful with dem oh!! No let dem igbo animals finish u oh!! Dats how my fada inlaw makes me angry alwayz with dis their mumu CULTURE of a ting!...........OKIJA WIFE
STUPID IGBO PEOPLE, STILL PRACTISING THEIR IDIOT CULTURE, ONLY GOD KNOW WHO GIVE AM VISA SELF, DEM DEY CANADA TOO, THEY HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH ABOKI... MSHEW, TELL YO MUMU HUSBAND TO GROW UP, THIS IS 2014, 21ST CENTURY...
ReplyDeleteMonie one or culture is stupid. Grow up. You need to. Every tribe has a bad side of their culture which shld b abandoned. Remind me, how old are you again?
DeleteHmmmmmmmmm!!! I came late on dis oh chai!!!
ReplyDeletemy sister,,be careful with dem oh!! No let dem igbo animals finish u oh!! Dats how my fada inlaw makes me angry alwayz with dis their mumu CULTURE of a ting!...........OKIJA WIFE
Your love...papa chuboy Animal.
DeleteYour son ...chuboy animal
He who lives with animals must be an animal in the jungle.
Hmmmmmmmmm!!! I came late on dis oh chai!!!
ReplyDeletemy sister,,be careful with dem oh!! No let dem igbo animals finish u oh!! Dats how my fada inlaw makes me angry alwayz with dis their mumu CULTURE of a ting!...........OKIJA WIFE
Na wa for Mre Akudo oh which comment b this one na ya jes a local woman form the past trying to exist in the present wetin concern you with the food she cooks for her husband mchew blogger for the marriage to last jes endure wateva ur in-laws say its only for a while six months will soon end lets c the new story after den in the mean time i dont think its forbidden to go n c your mother so go n see her m sure your mother will understand
ReplyDeletePeople use your brains, her mum is yoruba not ibo...huggghhh
ReplyDeleteStupid girl! When dem tell y not to marry us, u no go listen, now look at ursef! I pity u, u never see any thing yet.
ReplyDeleteDiff btw ibo n Yoruba or any other tribe no b small thing o! Na u take ur hand bring all these upon ursef! Stella post my comment!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOoooops!
ReplyDeletesince Ur mom is yoruba dat tradition doesnt apply nah habaa n U guys r supposedly born again so wot fucking tradition shld hinder U from taking care of Ur mom.....pls do wot's right!!!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, there is no such law dat outrightly prohibits Ur bereaved mother from stayg over after Ur father's demise.Prayerfully resolve Ur hisband's reservations about Ur mum.Have U been n good standg wit Ur inlaws? I tink there s some issue with U or Ur mum.But U nid to eschew bitterness and genuinely 4give and pray 4 wisdom to trash issues out with Ur husband
ReplyDeleteI strongly feel for you. Your husband and his people are not been truthful to you. There is no such culture in Igbo land. Probably there is some thing they have seen in your mum your husband does not like.
ReplyDeleteThey see something in her mum they do not like???
DeleteYou no get two mama o, even her mother in law isnt her mother forget all that talk. I will honor my parents anyday anytime. I am not one for divorce but I would ask my husband to think if his mum had to pass through the same, if he would leave her hanging. Then I would make preparations to bring my mum closer to me. She needs her daughter, the man and his tradition can go somewhere and sit down. Her spouse/this lady's father is gone and one man that has probably only be a thorn in her side is trying to put his tradition on her...ok na.
She has probably swallowed all sorts from her inlaws for the sake of this same man and he can not make her own joy complete? Lady, do the needful sha. As a married woman I can only say, I have one mother and a man like this does not take precedence over my mother. I bet you she has had to run to the same mother when he treated her like a dustbin.
What's going on Stella post my comment now
ReplyDeletePls SDK for the lady in denmark,pls help her find a means to post her article so she can get help.a home where there is no joy and you live like a househelp in your own house then you can die quick.from what she has said about the husband which i don't know if its the situation because (na according to her)the man is being wicked.for advise madam pls i want you to know that a woman who says yes to all her man says will definitely lose her respect.you have given him enough reason to feel he is your alpha and omega.challenge him with respect.give him some words to think and the next time he tells you how you only take care of the house and you don't earn a dime.tell him you resign from working with him that you want to go look for work where you get paid.you need a savings.God no gree bad thing if the unexpected happen where do you start from?when your kids are still little.such man has no plan for you or your kids in his WILL.u don marry u don marry na prayers u need he will change as i pray he change because i know how it feels when you can't be happy in abroad.because even the white ppl nor make am easy like that
ReplyDeleteOMG, This scary now I see why my dad is always saying I can't marry igbo no matter how nice he is, their culture just too plenty to keep up wit.
ReplyDeleteThis poster might actually b first daughter nd it's her Big responsibility to take care of her mother in Times like this.
I don't see any reason y we should abandon our own family in Times Llike this all cos of one husband way no know the soup your mama cook to make u become who him marry.
If you know how much ur Mum suffered to make u great for the man to marry then u ll know wat to tell both husband nd his family to make ur mum stay wit u.
Me way b Say @ age 4 my mum abandoned her career nd many more to sit wit me in the hospital 4 1yr so I can walk nd many other things she had to do.,no man ll make me abandon her @ her time of need
I stay employed for reasons such as this. Your husband and his people will scoff at you when it comes to catering for your people. God forbid that I can not look after my family (including your kids o) the way they deserve because of my husband and his people. Lady I hope you do what you need to sha. Pls Igbos, naijas in general, let us stop oppressing people with our traditions, especially nonsensical ones. You have no right to tell me how to mourn my loved one.
ReplyDeleteFIRST OF ALL,IT IS VERY VERY WRONG FOR YOUR MOTHER TO TRAVEL OUT OF HER HUSBAND'S HOME TOWN UNTIL SHE MUST HAVE MOURNED HER HUSBAND AT LEAST FOR 3 MONTHS THEN,REMOVE THE MOURNING CLOTHES BEFORE TRAVELING TO ANYWHERE..MEANWHILE,,A WIDOW IN MOURNING DOES NOT SLEEP OVER IN ANYONE'S HOUSE WHETHER HER KIDS OR NOT.IT IS DEEMED AS A BAD OMEN IN IGBO LAND..AS YOU CLAIMED TO BE YORUBA,IF YOUR TRIBE HAS ANY CULTURE AT ALL,AND YOU LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND,THEN YOU SHOULD BUY HIS OPINION AND WAIT FOR YOUR MOTHER TO FINISH MOURNING HER LATE HUSBAND BEFORE BRINGING HER OVER TO YOUR HOUSE.YORUBA WOMEN ARE SO GLUTTONOUS THAT'S WHY SHE COULD NOT WAIT TO MOURN HER HUSBAND BEFORE LOOKING FOR ONE OWA MBE TO ATTEND.WE IGBOS ARE STRICT WITH OUT CULTURE AND TRADITION SO,IF U CANNOT COPE WITH IT,THEN BUZZ OFF !
ReplyDeleteYou re a BUSHMAN PERIOD.
DeleteEpic cave man/woman
DeleteStop abusing him/her. He /she is actually right; apart from d insults that followed his/her point. Poster's mom is not igbo but went into an igbo home. Why not respect an igbo man's culture in his own house? Or you now want him to act Yoruba? Primitive as it may seem, respect it or find a Yoruba man to marry if you r not up for d cultural differences
DeleteFOR THOSE OF YOU RANTING CRAP HERE ABOUT THE MOTHER IN LAW NOT BEING IGBO AND SO ON.GO TO SAUDI ARABIA OR DUBAI AND KISS OPENLY SINCE YOU ARE NOT MUSLIM AND THE LAW DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU..AIR HEADS !
ReplyDeleteNnem ukwu strict with culture! Who told you the woman is heading off for an owanbe party ? That's someone's mum you know? People like you are the reason they say we Igbos are disrespectful. Stay strict with your culture until mmiri ncha aba GI n'anya.
ReplyDeleteReally whatttttt???
Yoruba women are gluttonous? May God have mercy in you. Get some exposure Nkapi! Stop the GENERALIZATION.
It is very wrong to travel out of her husbands home? Really? Make she follow the nan go grave nii?
You think every one is particular about the so called "mourning clothes" like we are?
Live and let live now. Let people be! Free the young lady her father's death and her mothers emotional turmoil is enough to deal with and hey....she ain't buzzing off!
@anon5:30,,,I know is CHIMPAZEE dat furk ur mama in d bush wey dem take born u!!! Animal generation oshi!!!.......OKIJA WIFE......sdk post dis oh cos I dey para now!
ReplyDeletewell the truth is that above all, christian faith overturns every other believe..so the question is why even bring cultural believes that has nothing to do with biblical teachings.. also ur husband is ur partner so his priority should be ur happiness and not some strange cultural believes...
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, your husband doesn't want your mother in his house yet, why r you pushing it? And having him ridiculed here? Igbo traditions differ in many villages. Yes, they do mourn their dead for some months but the way each person/family goes about it is also different. Some still shave their heads. Some don't. Some wear only white/black earrings, some don't. I would not say your husband is a liar. He probably is being truthful. And that's d culture he probably grew up knowing. When you married him you knew he was igbo right? Abi he lied and said he was Yoruba? Most Nigerians know igbos love their culture and traditions like, going to d village during Xmas with a new car, building houses in d village that you won't live in, land matters etc. I AM USED TO THAT.
ReplyDeleteThing with most Africans, when you marry them, you r marrying their families and cultures despite how westernized they may seem. If you respect your husband, then respect his culture and wishes. Its either he is into that culture or he doesn't want your mum in d house yet. Some ppl bend d rules some don't. Whichever way, see if you can reason with your husband as to allowing your mum stay with you particularly at this time. If he doesn't agree, then allow it! Your mum can stay with your sister for a while then come to yours later. Then again, why can't she wait out the 6months? Is she going for medical treatment? Its not too long if you ask me. Don't let her be d cause of problems in your home. If d oga of the house doesn't want her now, then its fine. Discuss and plan for another time. There is a mourning period for igbos. Most ppl just don't stick to it. And nobody on this blog can tell you "he is lying" or not since they r not from his village. I mean, even different villages in d same town may have different practices. You haven't mentioned a town so how dare they!
If your husband wants her, he will alllow her. If he doesn't, stop pushing it. Its only for now. She's had her marriage. Build yours
It's true, it's a tradition in d ibo land which states dat wen a woman losses her husband she shld be left to mourn him 6months b4 any one even her close relatives are allowed to sleep over @ her place based on the belief dat d spirit of death still lurks arund d widow. Happened to my mum wen her younger sis lost her hubby and my mom moved over to her place to help her out bt my mom didn't even last wiv her up to a week wen my dad started dreaming of death, caskets and seeing dead pple in his dream, my mom moved bk home immediately! B4 sumfin bad happen 2 us all. It's a big taboo for d igbos to do such. It's always advice able to knw d customs and trad of oda tribes esp wen it involves marriage. I advice u lodge her in an hotel, check on her regularly bt dnt sleep over, u re married to an igbo person dat automatically makes u igbo& so is d trad and customs. A word is enuf for d wise!
ReplyDeleteIf u don't know ur customs and tradition I suggest u ask ur parents dey wud definitely tell u becos every tribe does. Esp those pple d "IGBO LAGOSIANS" who hv lived all their life in Lagos and dnt knw their roots or any fin abt their culture shld ask questions b4 coming here to say wat dey dnt knw or wat is wrong. It's a Taboo in igbo land to do such! D man is only protecting his family! And if u love ur hubby and family, I wud advice u do as he says cos d consequences is stronger than u can imagine. #Enuf said#
ReplyDeleteThe poster and the widow are not Igbo but the poster is married to an Igbo man. The Igbo man has his cultural believes that ought to be respected in so far as you want to reside under his roof.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster respect your husband, send your mother to where your husband's belief is of no consequence.
Bring your mother back when your husband deems it ok for her to properly enter his house. In as much as you are married to him, you owe him and his family that resoect.
Odibendi dili ha.
the way i see it, the man is protecting you and the kids (his family)..it's his village, he knows how it happens...pls listen we younger geneation we like doing gragra until we put ourselves n trouble...
ReplyDeleteif he had been firm on his Christian believe, it wouldnt have gone this way but apparently, he really believes what he is saying...so pls listen so you dont regret...a little more time, and you mom can come stay forever...
ask yourself...does this man hate me? or my family? remember, you are now an igbo woman and try and cope..it will soon pass!!
@poster, tradition is tradition and to Africans, it should be respected. For example, a non-Yoruba lady is married to a Yoruba man and it's binding on her, by culture, to kneel at every point in time to greet her husband's relations. Secondly, she is expected to refer to her husband's younger ones as 'brother Kunle or sister Bunmi'. The above and so many others are the tradition of the Yorubas and it seems like a taboo if these traditions are violated. I know for sure that the Yorubas frown at such. So, as one person's culture is important to him or her, so is another's. My humble advice is for you to try and find a balance in order to enjoy a mutual relationship with your husband and his family members. Remember that cultural issues are bound to come up in such a relationship - even though you were married to an Indian. You may be staying in the UK and living under an illusion that African tradition does not count but do not forget that even the 'Oyibos' also have culture that they hold dear. Best of luck!
ReplyDelete