''Stella
Am an ardent reader of your blog and i sincerely enjoy how you post certain topics that deal with our everyday life challenges, the comments must have helped someone in one way or the other.
Okay, back to my question or topic, i want to tell a little about myself, i was once married and those were the worst days of my life, there were happy times though, but i was very depressed. My ex husband abused me physically and emotionally.
I thought of committing suicide severally since divorce wasn't an option, and then some days i prayed he would die.
I finally got the courage to leave after i could not take it anymore and today am a very happy person, extremely happy and my life has been beautiful. Now my problem is when am in a relationship and the guy starts talking marriage, i get really really scared and i end up running away from the person.
Now i have been doing some research and i discovered a large percentage of married women are very depressed and unhappy, what could be the problem?, a colleague of mine committed suicide cos she was very depressed and her parents insisted she must stay married, she eventually gave up and drank poison and left a suicide note. Please lets discuss this, i will really appreciate this and it might also help someone out there who is depressed.
How do we overcome it if truly being married is a major cause of depression. I want to get married again and i believe will learn a lot from others.
Thank you Stella for using your blog to make people's voice heard and changing lives. Keep up the good work.''
*most people are not mature for marriage mind wise,others going into it with a mindset and are shocked at what is served....marriage is not a do or die affair...just find what makes you happy and stay with it.
i however do not agree that marriage is a major cause of depression for women,some perhaps but then you are the only one who is responsible for your happiness...just find your g-spot in marriage and stick to it,stop listening and towing another persons line which might backfire for you.
if being single rocks for you fine,if staying married is your thing, fine.
Marriage is a beautiful thing if you find that person who brings out the best in you and tolerates your vices.....am out!
Marriage is a beautiful tin doe, Buh sm causes havoc, like stella, jes find ur g-spot, cos if u not ahpy within, no1 can make u ahpy, it starts wif urself
ReplyDelete@ Stella u said it all but walahi some men r devils!
DeleteI know some women dat r depressed in their marriage cos they can't walk out of d marriage.
I know it's not easy walking out o but AMA walk away! Happiness is everything , priceless!
Hmmmmm...my story too long!*crying*unmarried girls pls b xceedingly careful o!right now am at d verge of killing myself,SMH...after all d sufferins with him,kai dis man beat me 2days after I gave birth...I almost died!I wish I could jus get 20k,,am gone!
DeleteLet's hear your story, hopefully we can learn from it. So sorry about your ordeal. ......lala
DeleteYou don't have 20k but you have a device to post comments on blogs? Nonsense. E ti e ready.
DeleteIf i talk now some people will say am a old digger and cuss me out. (like i care)
DeletePlz Ladies, Marriage is all abt happiness. Marry that man that love and adore u even if u will be his 30th wife. Like i saidin the other post, some women r 1st in their husbands house but not happy while some r 2nd 3rd and 4th and as happy as anything u can think of. Take Ada my frd 4 example.
Plz let we women think wisely and see clearly b4 we enter oo. A broken relationship is far more better than a broken home!
You must be married to a monster my sister, how can a man beat his wife? Let alone d one dat just gave birth? Pls b thankful to God for spearing ur life, marriage isn't by force o , if u can't tk d heat get out of d kitchen.
DeleteWell said auntie stella.
ReplyDeleteI ve been married for over twenty years, I can tell u guys boldly that d secret to blissful marriage is tolerance,create a kind of mystery around itself,be a little bit stubborn,talk less to avoid see finish,look for his area of interest and be interested.
DeleteAnd above all be indifferent,don't be too eager to please him and pls look good and smell good cos some women can smell like ogili.
My hubby takes me everywhere,he loves me toooo much even though I showed little or no interest in him (that was then oooo)
Stop revealing ur family secret ,that was d first thing my mama told me.
Save as much money as u can suffice to say I carried calculator d moment I became Mrs
Depression? Not for my type
Once,my hubby stopped giving me money thinking I would beg him,I disabled d fuse in my freezers replaced d car batteries with faulty one,money dropped sharpedly
U can't be dull and married to a rich naija guy
Bye am at a wedding
I love your response. You are so right. See finish is really a problem in marriages...lol. As a woman you have to be very smart. I don't think it's normal to be depressed when married though, in my opinion it means something's wrong somewhere.
DeleteStella I love your reply, marraige is not for everyone and it's such a sacred institution that if you're not ready for the ups and downs then don't oh into it.
Wow ezewanyi finally makes sense.2014 will b a grt year
DeleteGod!!! Felt like u were talking to me directly.... God bless u.....
Delete.
DeleteSo many women are really sad in their marriage, I Hear diff sad stories almost everyday. I love yoU Stella.
ReplyDeleteSDK I beg t dsagree dat Marriage is a major cause of depression f women. Wen u say "major cause" then u r implying dat most of d time wot makes a woman depressed is marriage. I feel single ladies kud even b more depressed than d married ones.- we worry abt nt getting admission into d univ., not getting a job afta graduation, - even wen u get d job nko; ur boss' attitude can b a turn off, we worry abt nt being in a r\ship(wen u r in a r\ship nko- u worry abt, infections, pregnancy esp wen u dnt c ur period etc) Worries of life can leave one depressed. Am a young, vibrant, single lady who has bn n is still passing thru quite a numb of challenges dat can result t depression even pre menstrual symptoms menstrual cramps r one of those periods in d month dat I can just b irritated n depression sets in. All I am saying is dat marital status is not a function of one's happiness. U choose t b happy if u want to; how u view life is how u live it. As for me, av bn into a couple of r\ships wt wondaful guys who never took me for granted but things dint just work out. I believe dat God will giv me nt just a good man but d best who will adore n luv me like a queen. I try t b happy now as a single lady n hopefully marriage wt d right persn is gonna tripple my joy in Christ Jesus. Amen.
DeleteNo man shud b pivot of ur happiness cos u have only one life t live. Be happy!
you are stil single dear.... its kinda baseless esp wen u stated that you disagree wit stella....
DeleteAm married and have been depressed severally(was even admitted at d hospital for one whole week at somepoint) i can categorically say that its d several ishs dat makes some women depressed and not the word 'marriage' as it literarily sounds. Even the bible designed marriage to be a beautiful tin but ????.... All-in-all, i think we shouldnt expect so much from our men and actually prepare our minds for the worse. Get busy, have fun, be productive, be happy life is short o, manage inlaws well from the beginning cos 3rd party ishs r usually deepy and severe... above all PRAYER WORKS WONDERS
Is either u are married or u stay single thats life,but be rest assured that one of these two must happen. If decide to get married there are prons and coins that go along with it, depression is a disease that comes into a marriage when there are frictions between partners,now how matured in handle it plays an important role on the lifespan of ur marriage.
ReplyDeleteMa'ɑ̤̥̈̊m itz pros and cons not prons and coins.
DeleteLol!!
DeleteHa ha ha ha ha ha afi prons and coins na.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHahahahahaha
DeleteYet, society will tell you to be submissive, even when you realize that you married a du.mb azz.
ReplyDeleteThis is truly depressing.
I'm married to a good man.
A complete opp of what typical Nigerian men are.
My prayer everyday is dat he doesn't change for the worse.
This heart is too fragile.
If you were married to a bad man would you write it?
DeleteYou are told to be submissive not because it is a type of 'wifely fad' but because it is a biblical injunction, hence, it is right the thing to do.
DeleteI truly believe that once a woman can fulfil her part of the divine obligation- submission- all else will fall in place, likewise the man- once he can fulfil his divine obligation to his wife- loving her- all else will fall in place.
Now, this means that, whether the man be bad (whether he be a heathen even) or the woman be bad(whether she be a witch even), if the woman be submissive and the husband be loving, the best of the other partner will eventually show through- and I believe that this is where TOLERANCE and PATIENCE come in- you must be willing to "patiently tolerate" the other person's vice(s) whilst you carry out your divine obligations towards them.
Even the bible tells us that a woman can win over her unbelieving husband with her character.
Need I say more?
YOU NAILED IT!!!! VERY WELL SAID... GBAMEST!!!!!!!!! @diary of dido
DeleteNo diary of dido, u need not say more. In addition, I think that there are some men/women..who even when you practice with them all the biblical and practical rules to enjoying a successful relationship..will still default. That is after all is said and done.
DeleteWhat do u then do when the instructions God and man has given doesn't seem to hold firm the foundation of ur marriage? Rather than to resort to depression, think back to the first day u met him/her. Did u seek God before you went headlong? Were u patient enough? If no, will God pardon you and perhaps start to fine tune one whom He clearly did NOT choose for you? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Hence, if the rules God has given us to use as our marriage manual isn't working, then that person is not for you. Waste not a day longer with such. But most of us are always in denial, God cannot change for you what He did not give to you in the first place. If u like fast for 40days and 40nights, it will never work.
Instead of accusing any witch or any mistress for snatching your husband's attention away from you, or to blame them for ur being battered or treated with so much disdain and resentment by ur spouse, I suggest that u go back to the drawing board...ask your maker who your rightful spouse is. It is fundamental.. lest we treat issues from the surface alone.
Because, I tell you, many today have been married for 10-20years to a person who is NOT their destiny husbands/wives. Many have died as a result of marital agonies and pains, a chunk of them died in the ignorance of knowing that they lived their life with the wrong person. Most are merely cohabiting and enduring as room mates for convenience.
Marriage was instituted by God, so why suffer whilst you are in one?
If Per adventure God tells u who ur spouse is, trust me, God cannot watch u suffer in the hands of the chosen person. Else God will take the blame and shame. To every woman who is married but not enjoying her marriage today, If u are so confident u heard from God to marry that person,and today ur marriage is experiencing failure, not just mere misunderstandings, pls tell me, I will challenge God on your behalf. it's not even possible. Never
And if you married someone out of your own volition without asking God, either because you weren't so into God before marriage or whatever, and u are also suffering in the hands of ur spouse today, your case is different. But u can still make amends.
If u are enjoying ur marriage, never been battered or treated any less than u deserve. just keep thanking God. However, you are the one who needs to pray more fervently so that what u enjoy will not stop. Its not easy at all.
My point is this, if u are not patient to wait on God to highlight your partner for u, if u leave God behind and hurry unto marriage, you'll still wait for God midway should crisis begin. So why not wait from the beginning? Pls don't cry wolf when mystery envelopes your home and heart with sadness if you ignore ur intuition. These are the factors that cause depression and uncertainty. It would have been your fault, and Heaven will not take any pity on such until you do the needful.
Not only women suffer, men suffer too. So this applies to both gender. But marriage is blissful, I testify. Thanks Stella.
When u r married to a wrong person then u become depressed.
ReplyDeleteand how do u know u r married to a wrong person? wen everything/everyone shows u reasons why u shd not marry dis person and u go along thinking that "at all at all na winch" so u manage d person.
statistically 95% of persons who marry wrongly always regret it after marriage becos more often than not it is very hard to put up wit another person's bullshit fr the rest of your life unless he is d right one for u.
@amanda my case is opposite I told every one I don't love this man, we can't even have a simple talk at all, he is just not my type, my family will not hear of dt, they threaten to disown me if I don't marry him. Every one was just on me, u think u know anything , marriage is not about love, (but at least it's needed too) now am just depressed , I used to be this happy loving girl, now am just there. I can't even stand his touch, it more dn a year since we had sex and I am not looking forward to it, cause it just like choice rape, my wedding night which was my first last is the most horrific night of my life. I wish I could just leave the marriage but my family means a lot to me, i
DeleteLet me just stop here cause am just crying. Let him just divorce me.
Mind you I told him, why do I want to marry a woman who dose not love u, am doing dis for my mum.
Anonymous 11:13 ur case pass person o, but there s nothing GOd can't do, may GOd see u thru amen
DeleteSingular and Plural topics. . .
ReplyDeleteI'm just looking forward to dating that girl that will NOT talk about marriage@all!
ANUN mpama...so u follow dey do use nd dump???.........OKIJA WIFE
DeleteU no see his face bom boy mama ka na eficha ike wan follow adult talk. ewu kaduna
DeleteI don't believe marriage is a major cause of depression, yes i agree that some marriages are difficult , abusive and violent. Personally i hate divorce especially when the children are young because they suffer the most, i also don't think marriage is for every body and at the end of the day it is your life and your happiness is important, if you find that staying single make's you happy why not? i enjoy me time a lot so what i do when i am getting tired is just take my bag and travel for a while ( i am a business woman ) believe me each time i do that i come back a better wife and mother. This may not work for every body, it work's for me because i have a husband who give's me space.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk my dear. As for me, if I can't make me happy then no one can make me happy. If I still quarrel n have misunderstanding with my brothers and sisters that I grew up with, y won't I ve same with my husband.
DeleteNow d key is how u handle d quarrels. If your husb is hot tempered, hold your tounge and don't respond when he is talking. When he is calm, address the issue again and see if he won't agree with u thereby taking out physical abuse. (We women can push even a saint to kill us with our mouths).
Also, when you feel boxed in, take a trip( this works for me cuz wen I come bac, we are all like newly weds again), go out with friends, go shopping( do that which gives u pleasure) and desist from discussing your marriage with tom, dick n harry.
Above all, be prayerful.
Gbam and on point
DeleteI agree with u stella. Marriage is not d cause for depression. We're d cause of our being depressed. For instance ir friends re gettong married n I wnt to, u rush into it as if its a childs play, wen u strt getn d opp of wat u expect u den become depressed. U marry cos of money wen d money is nt der u become depressed. Ppl marry bcos of so many reasons.(Fame, money.etc). S wen u wnt to marry pls marry ur friend n ur love so u wud be free wit each order n enjoy d marriage. Each day in d marriage is lyk heaven on earth. Marriage doesn't cause depression. Just be wise in choosing ur partner not a beast u wud regret.
ReplyDeleteI feel you have programmed your mind to think marriage is depressing. That's all I can say because I know and I believe that marriage is a beautiful thing created by God. Stay single or pray about it. Bellax
ReplyDeleteWell said stella!
ReplyDeleteBiko poster,am married for 8 years now and I have never feel depressed or whatever....that it didn't work for you dosent mean others are suffering.....pls,you people should stop spoiling some of our single girls mind about marriage.....as far as am concernd,marriage is a sweet and beautiful thing......
ReplyDeleteThanks though..we single ladies are now skeptical about entering this institution called marriage
DeleteHahahahaha razz okija wife don teach me one today but abeg liv my Linda biko, she no dey too lie lie
DeleteMarriage is lovely if ur married to the right person and itz definitely not the major cause of depression.
ReplyDeleteThere are still so many happy marriages out there.
Like stella said, find what works for u and stick to it.
NB: itz not compulsory to get married.
Marriage!!! One of my greatest fear in life. I'll be 26 ds year and I'm stl very scared of marriage. Maybe I need counselling
ReplyDeletehttp://thesecret.tv/
DeleteIts a wonderful place 2 b. Marriage is lovely.
My dear u dnt need any counselin jor,same age,same shoes,de even sayin I hv spiritual husband bt I de alwayz rebuke am,luv being single jor,no stress
DeleteIriswell!! In ma case,ma mum is even threatnin to disown me if I leav d so called hubby!im mor Dan depressed as I no longer love him or hapi wit anytin he does.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Serious topic. Marriage? Sweet and sour. Life is not a bed of roses so I don't expect marriage to be a bed of roses either. If you are not getting the best out of your marriage, you have a choice, stay or take a long walk. Its a personal thing. You can be single and depressed as well. We do have some married couples out there and I know a lot that are depressed but society won't allow them to think of stepping out of the marriage. Its a choice, stay happy or die trying. Sometimes you have to let go of certain people that are holding you back or relationships you ve outgrown or things you ve learned don't help you anymore. And when you do, let these individuals and thoughts go, you will realise what it means to trust your instinct and take control of yourself.
Delete100 likes for your comment , I had a huge fear for marriage before but I've come to realize that marriage is that simple.
DeleteMy mum will actually will breakdown if I divorce
DeleteThank you stella for posting this, cant wait to read the comments.
ReplyDeletePsychosocial risk factors for depression includes loneliness,impaired social support,bereavement e.t.c a good and happy marriage reduces the risk of depression but when you marry for the wrong reasons depression will set in
ReplyDeleteMost women in Nigeria marry because of the ff reasons.
1:I'm old enough to get married
2:my friends are getting married
3:my parents need to see their grandkids..etc.
Secondly some people are emotionally immature in handily stress associated with matrimony
*Handling*
DeleteMarriage is nt a major cause of depression in women,except if u find urself in d wrong union or u attach meaning to every unnecessary tin dat happens.
ReplyDeleteChange ur mindset,give urself a second chance.
Marriage is a beautiful tin.
*Stella Oge*
Marriage is a beautiful thing wen the find the right person, u just hv to pray and ask God to show u hu the right person is...smtimes we think that a particular person is the right one for us, but on the long run they won't stand the test of time, I strongly believe that marriage is nt friendship, a friend who made u happy yesterday might fail to make you happy 2mao, decisions concernin a life partner is very sensitive nd therefore shud be carried out by consenting God who knows the beginning and the end.
ReplyDeleteI'm a beautiful and very attractive 30yrs old woman and I'm surprised I still find it difficult to say yes to any man that proposes marriage to me..my mum is getting worried that I may end up single or divorced even if I decide to get married someday cos of my lack of love for a any man so far. Now she says I'm possessed with marine spirit, I feel my happiness is not tied to a man and I can't just imagine myself living with one man 4 d rest of my life.I'm so happy being single...most of my friends are married n suffering in der homes, infact my best friend is living wit me at d monent, d once lovely husband changed overnight, became violent n promiscuous..d sad fact is dat she tried committing suicide when she discovered she was hiv positive during her checkup. Now she is 6months pregnant with hiv...anyway I'm going to do all I can to make her n her unborn child happy n safe, even if dis is d same lady dat told me I shuld hurry up n marry cos I'm getting old agewise, dat I shuld stop deceiving myself wit my babyface n body. Like someone rightly stated, marriage is not for every1 and I just have dis feeling it's not 4 me..cos how do I explain d fact dat I can't seem to say yes to any one of d 5 men around me at d moment wanting to make me der wife..all I kip doin is push dem over to my friends. I sincerely pray n hope my family can understand I'm not in love with any man just yet n I can't afford to get married to just any1 just to be a Mrs.
ReplyDeleteYou are a chronic lesbian....keep deceiving your self till you reach menopause....am sorry for your friend but your bf can aswell give you hiv...
Delete@Genarve,,abeg leave story oh!! D only nd most important thing in marriage na pikin!!!.......bt try make u born sha!!!!.......OKIJA WIFE
DeleteI ll be praying for ur friend. She ll ve her baby safely and it ll be free of HIV. Let her knw that having hiv isnt the end of the world, her life can still be beautiful.
DeleteSeriously, sum girls talks carelessly wen they r gettn married. Calln u old nd lonely nd makin u feel stupid, bt wat happns @long last?
Deletehttp://thesecret.tv/
DeleteSister pls go and check yourself o, I'm not saying there is anything in not wanting to get married but even oprah has a bf
DeletePls go to a good church cus yes there is really something like spirit husband
Anh anh you no even wan date
Even woman that want to b single still crave for the need of a man around them except you are a lesbo sha
http://thesecret.tv/
DeleteI swear, they just feel its their power just bcos time happens to favour dem early. Nonsense
DeleteI LOVE U AUNTY STELLA YOU ARE TOO BLUNT JUST LIKE MY MUM
ReplyDeleteLord will give us all a good home
ReplyDeleteWomen should stop bein desperate for marriage
Dont follow ur frnds...bcos she got married january,,u too must get married ''march''.......there is nthin bad in wishing urself well....but wen it comes to d issue of marriage....pls and pls,,,let GOD lead you
It is well
@Galore
(1/2)D first thing is dat God introduced marriage n knw how it works,so talk to him bout ur marriage n depend on him, also u cant put d burden of ur happines on another human being that is too much to ask always realise that God love's u meditate on it and find your happiness from within
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not a major cause of depression. What if you are already depressed before marriage? Depression is caused by chemical imbalance in the brain and the fact that people don't know how to utilize good/positive coping skills in the environment, they stay in a depressed state most of the time.
ReplyDeleteMarriage can be enjoyed if you marry your best friend who brings out the best in you, if you marry a monster, then there is room for depression. But not all married women are depressed (only the ones in unhappy relationships). So, follow Stella advice.
Children are d only sweet things in marriage!! Take it or leave it!!!..........OKIJA WIFE
ReplyDeleteU just sounded like my mum #chop kiss#
DeleteChildren are d only sweet things in marriage!! Take it or leave it!!!..........OKIJA WIFE
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a beautiful thing if u find a way of managing the crisis and misunderstanding dat comes with it,and also it's necessary that one marries for love,cos love helps the pple in it' to be considerate, tolerant, kind to each other.and these virtues to an extent is what keeps marriage coss there is no perfect marriage anywhere!
ReplyDeleteI can also believe marriage to be source of depression to women cos they are att d receiving end of everything,they are expected to get married and stay married even if it's not working,just so to fulfill righteousness,make their family happy to belong too(our daughter is married)and not be termed a useless woman.bcos of these,women stay in marriages filled with all kinds of woes and abuses!of course this will definitely cause depression for anyone!
It is not only the women that get depressed in marriage. I also believe marriage is not for everybody. I am a man and I have been married for about 4 years and I must confess, my wife pisses me off so much that I feel like walking away 4rm the marriage but I am only staying cos of my kids. Can u imagine the so-called wife exchanging messages with her boss in etisalat and they will be calling themselves baby and exchanging bb hugs and kisses and when I confronted her, she says the man is her mentor, taking me for a fool o. Some marriages are truly interesting but mine is something else and I am considering divorce.
ReplyDeleteLadoo,you that is talking,don't u have girl frnds?
DeleteI feel u bro, we seem to b in d same shoe.
DeleteI blame whoever invented d marriage institution, its a trap!
i wish she didn't bring up d issue about marriage, but i cant blame her, its d society we live in and religious beliefs
things were way better while we were dating for over 5 years which started while we were in school.
3 years into d marriage and everything looks odd and lazy. D marriage is good but it lost d spark and high spirit it use to av while we were still dating
I know i will survive
Anon 3:54, u sound so uninterested n lazy, pls ignite back dt spark dt u had during ur datin period, its not too late to start afresh, pls dnt gv up kk.
DeleteMarriage is a beautiful thing if you are married to the right person. I used to be marriage phobic before,i detested men because i hate control and i didnt have any ounce of submissiveness within me,but when God is ready to bless you He does not look at your weaknesses because He sees the goodness within you and the goodness you are capable of,if He blesses you with a right partner.He is the God that knows the end from the beginning,so He already knows your end and what you would be right from when you where astray or misbehaving. God blessed me with a good man whom i even made to suffer during courtship,i was arrogant,rude,saucy and hot tempered,and according to Stella He kept tolerating my vices o,drew me closer to God,pushed me into applying for my masters abroad,chastasised me when i needed it,as much as he tolerated me then and now,he would never stop telling me the hard truth and that is why i love him,today we are married and the love is stronger,i am a better person today because of my husband,my love for God has increased ever since my husband came into my life,and i couldn`t be more grateful. So marriage is sweet if you pray to God to give you the right man,and show you His mercy all the way.
ReplyDeleteVery true. I wrote a list of what I wanted in a man believing God. Somehow along the line, I compromised and began dating people who didn't meet up that list...it was a sad road so I quit all relationships, went on few dates but a lot of the guys were shallow and still didn't meet up, I refused to compromise and remained single for three years. How did I cope? I built my career, took professional courses, had vacations with the girls and developed my cooking and baking skills. Then I met someone, guess what? I wasn't gonna consider him till I pulled out the list which I wrote and I was just ticking everything for him, he fitted perfectly but I was still afraid of dating. I explained my fears to him and he understood and we began dating. My boyfriend is even the one pulling me to God and I'm the one dodging church sef.lol. He supports me, he is well traveled, well schooled and adores me. I sit back and cry sometimes and say where has this man been all those times? I know God loves me too much to see me hurt again and I'm so happy right now.
DeleteMarriage scares d hell out of me!!!
ReplyDeleteBy Eketti Ette
ReplyDeleteYou're overworked. woman, our mothers did it, while raising nine children. You can too.
You’re exhausted… You’re just lazy; put your back into it.
You get help… WHAT??? Do you want that firm-breasted maid to snatch your husband?
You get help… Ah, but you’re a virtuous woman, patterned after Model Proverbs 31, circa BC 400. How can you have a maid? Send her away!
He beats you… pray.
He beats you… pray harder.
He beats you… check the way you talk to him; perhaps your words make you beatable material.
He beats you… you’re still talking? Woman, become mute! Or don’t you know a talking drum just gets hit harder and harder?
He cheats… pray.
He cheats… all men are like that, my friend. Just endure and pray.
He cheats… what did you do to make him cheat?
He cheats… pray some more, bath in Chanel No.5 and Elizabeth Arden perfumes, put on new clothes.
He cheats… increase the sex. Make sure you give him a sex overdose. Saturate the randy fellow with it! Who cares if you’re hurt and unhappy, not in the mood, or sore? Woman, are your feelings more important than your marriage?
You cry… sorry, woman.
You weep… sorry, really sorry.
You wail … Sorry woman… I’m bored, quit crying already.
You complain… Woman, you made your bed, lie on it.
You leave… Woman, God hates divorce! Or did you not know that?
You leave… why would you leave your home for another woman?
You leave… You have no faith in our God of impossibilities.
You die… may her soul rest I’m peace.
You die… why didn’t she leave when she had the chance?
You die… Did you know that woman’s husband has remarried?
You die… Mum, where are you? This new auntie treats us nothing like the way you did.
I live.
I die.
I’m just a woman.
Or am I?
This ur comment says it all.
Deletethis piece is brilliant
DeleteNiceeeeeeeee!
DeleteSo if the guy beat you to the extent of almost giving ghost, you should stay?
DeleteDonot you know some guys are HE goats and not all of the changes.
If you listen to other peoples story about how their men changed after marriage and 5 years prayer is yet to change them, so I will sit down there and keep crying? Nonsense
My fellow SDKers, I got married to my babyfather yday, it was funnnnn
ReplyDeleteCongrats hun
DeleteTanx dear
DeleteStella I can categorically tell u that a lot of people do not know wat dey hve inside them until dey are exposed to certain environment, or faced with d challenges of life, I hve seen first hand, hw are woman married a struggling but highly excited n motivated young man, d man noticed in their early days, hw she can be happy now n in few minutes she's moody, he did everything he could to help her out, but she grew really worse, until her state began affecting his own state, he gradually began going down n lost his own joy totally, today they hve gone separate ways. The truth people is that, most of d tins that break marriages were not met in d marriage, but was brought into it, pls friends,if u hve issues, deal wit them before marriage, dnt let your man pay 4 an offence your father comited against your mother, or d other way round (I knw wat I mean, n if u want me 2 xplain I will come bk)
ReplyDeleteI'm married and that's the most beautiful decision I.have ever made! Whether u are married or not life has its.challenges but. When u have someone to share that life it it makes it worth while! I believe it's paramouthe to key into the will of God before choosing a life partner, only then can u enjoy peace of mind cus marriage is ordained by God. Do not lean on.your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path. That's my testimony
ReplyDeletethe same ezewanyi that someone called yinkus/okija wife. ezewanyi makes sense but the other thing is a foul mouthed village nobody
ReplyDeleteThe reason marriage causes depression especially for women is because they expect too much from their men, without understanding the nature of men. I believe you must have seen a man who has the most beautiful wife at home and still chasing one ugly girl outside. Why, because once a man makes love with a woman, he believes he has "seen" it all, no matter how pretty the lady is. Men also like to "taste" many soup. Forget those men that will disagree with this. So the problem with women is that they want the man to still love them like the very first time they met. What they should do is not to pressure the men, men will always come back to their wives, but not with pressure. I'm happily married talking from experience.
ReplyDeleteNo comment
ReplyDeleteMarriage scares the hell out of me even though I want to be married and have a lovely home. I am so scared because people change alot. But by God's grace, he would give me someone who would truly adore me........lala
ReplyDeletemarriage is a beautiful thing and my will be beautiful and lovely.
ReplyDeleteStella also talk about the high case of infidelity in marriage now...I know 3 married women who are doin everything possible to have sex with me and they all know I'm in a serious relationship.I keep running away from them but they send nude their pics and all to me...I don't get it and they still claim they love their husbands and all...
ReplyDeletesometimes it can b boring. thank God for d internet.
ReplyDeleteWhere was dis time, I almost went crazy in my marriage, my hus will slap me for every little thing I do, it was like dat for sometime, I summon courage and I gave him slap b4 he could give me, then one day I gave him serious wound on his hand, and I told him dat I am tired of d marriage and I want a divorce, he begged for months and since then I have enjoyed my marriage and he gives my pepper like mad, well it is going to a years now and he has not layed a finger on me. Right now I am enjoying my man and I give more respect and love, so my sis find what make u happy ok
ReplyDeleteSdk my husband doesn't romanace me befor sex he ll jst climb after like 4 min he ll come down
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't say things like I love you, my wife ur trying, u look good, ur food is nice, meanwhile people always tell me that am a great cook. N when I asked him he said what diff ll it mk weather I say it or not.don't I show it And when I go out and guys strt checking me out It makes me feel bad that I hv a man doesn't appreciate me. I hv been married for 7yrs now these re my problems otherwise am fine
N when I come here n hear abt nacking I jst wish am the one my husby is nacking like that
Depretion is real. N if not for marriag I wldnt hv felt it.
Marriage is not. NIGERIAN MARRIAGE is!!!!!! The high pedestal which society places our men on leads to depression for alot of women. So the answer is yes!! But in Nigeria being single is also a cause of depression. So either way we r depressed.
ReplyDeleteWhen u think negatively and say negative words y wouldn't u get negative result? The bible says "cast all ur burden upom the Lord because he careth for u". There is nothing God can't do even to a battering man and a cheating man. Even to a nagging woman.
ReplyDeleteBe positive and know that all things will work out for u even marriage. U can aways be happy in marriage.
Mrs miles
Dear Ladoo, let me state dis clear to u bros Your wife is a cheating bastard, 1.why will a married woman call her boss baby? 2.you're a weak man dear pls open ur eyes,3. I also think she's d break winner dats why she has d guts to do all of dat, oga sir, u have lost ur self respect as a man. 4, A married woman shld have nd knw her limits. I rest my case.
ReplyDeleteMost guys re not really ready before they marry,some do it out of pressure. A young man who is married at his 20s can't withstand the heat of marriage. i believe young guys and girls should enjoy life before jumping into marriage. My younger bro married at his 20s when he was suppose to enjoy his life, now at his early 30s he is misbehaving like someone in his 20s,jumping from one girl to another. I believe most guys in Nigerian under the age of 25 to 32years don't really know what it take to be married that's reason we see divorce. Most women marry for MONEY,FAME OR FAMILY PRESSURE none marry for friendship or love. As far as we continue to choose the wrong part,marriage will always end in divorce. Marry your friend not money and pressure,you either be married or remain single.
ReplyDeleteBros @Ladoo ur madam is cheating on u take it to the bank. If u do more investigation u will find out.
ReplyDeleteEzenwanyi your comment is well cooked.
ReplyDeleteI laughed and kept nodding...yes o! Yes o! Gbam! Correct talk.....till I got to the end.
Marriage is like a sealed envelop with a letter. You never really know the content till you open (get in)
However, ....
1. Marriage is a beautiful institution but admission is not compulsory.
2. Don't enter marriage out of greed or pity, you fail or drop out.
3. Don't expect highest standards from your partner that even you may not be able to attain.
4. Your partner is human not an Angel so expect mistakes and prepare to forgive..
5. Do not agree to be anybody's fool for 'better or worse' for ever
6. If it is 'sweet' most times and 'hurts' sometimes....it may be love.
Ezenwanyi your comment is well cooked.
ReplyDeleteI laughed and kept nodding...yes o! Yes o! Gbam! Correct talk.....till I got to the end.
Marriage is like a sealed envelop with a letter. You never really know the content till you open (get in)
However, ....
1. Marriage is a beautiful institution but admission is not compulsory.
2. Don't enter marriage out of greed or pity, you fail or drop out.
3. Don't expect highest standards from your partner that even you may not be able to attain.
4. Your partner is human not an Angel so expect mistakes and prepare to forgive..
5. Do not agree to be anybody's fool for 'better or worse' for ever
6. If it is 'sweet' most times and 'hurts' sometimes....it may be love.
No wonder Okija wife is a frustrated housewife.....with a vile mouth like yours u will continue to suffer in that house......your hubby sef is a mumu for still being married to you.....foolish idiot
ReplyDeleteAnon 2:32 you summed it up perfectly. May God continue to help His daughters.
ReplyDelete@ poster..if you want to marry again then just do so. You will not know what your marriage will be like until you get into it. Don't let your past experience, and the experiences of other dissuade you from marrying again. Just make sure you have your own assets going in, have a source of income so that you are not bound to man if ill-treatment comes down the road. Also, study a man through and through during courtship, both is words and more importantly his actions. Some men are good at hiding a lot about themself, but they will always talk about their opinion on women. If the man talks a lot about distrusting or speaks ill of women in general, then flee from him. Some of us women want to play champion thinking we can change these men, we can't. Some men truly hate women, but because they are wired as heterosexuals they will seek out a woman for sex, but these men are not men to play with, they hate you to the core and will not think twice about harming you.
ReplyDeleteDepression = Moment of Deep Rest
ReplyDelete:D
Linda Eze please visit your nearest psychiatrist abeg, ah ahhh, you dey yarn dust no be small, how do you know she is a lesbian??!!1
ReplyDeletehmmmmmmm, am really short of words. this topic brought me out today. sister SDK. Marriage no easy o. Galo 2:32pm said it all. I woke up this morning with ill feelings, I started recounting my life before marriage and now. I used to be a sweet loving girl, very happy indeed. things were really working well around me before marriage. Enjoy the company of true friends but marriage has changed it all. I have been turned into a sad woman. always depressed. keep vigil most times not because am praying but thoughts of this union kept me awake. My heart bleeds. Marriage is expected to be sweet and enjoying but my dear, e be like say my own dey different. people say we should try and be happy. but can you be happy in an unhappy environment? hmmmm. God abeg help your daughters.
ReplyDeleteYou talk, they say you talk too much (nag)
You keep quite they say your disrespectful (silence is the best answer to a fool)
If its not father in-law, its mother in-law
if its not brother in-law, its sister in-law
if its not male friends, its female friends.
if its not late nights its being stingy with his family.
If its not beating, Its not eating your food for weeks.
Most times for peace to reign, you become the mother and father to your kids at the same time. They don't eat except you provide, they are not in school except you pay their school fees. you and your kids don't wear new cloths except you buy. meanwhile your sweet husband collects more salary than you.
plenty issues to contend with . abeg. tory too much.
visit website cialis 30 mg - cialis 5 mg online-apotheke
ReplyDeletecheck this out ambien generic name zolpidem - do they drug test ambien
ReplyDeleteI'm married to yoruba man , with so many younger ones and large semi illiterate family members. I have met with a lot of discrimination from everyone, yoruba friends and yoruba neighbours.they love and greet my hubby but with me , its snobs.before marriage, I used to be happy but 8years later , its tears and sadness all day.my kids are the only good things in my life.being a housewife and surrounded by so much hatred,I don't no how to get a life .
ReplyDelete