I am currently dating a guy whom I love so much and he loves me in return. We have been dating for almost 9 months now. He cares so much for me, adores me and provides all I want. He makes sure I don't lack anything and always there to give me advise in my business. He is so good to me.
I admire his sincerity and openness towards things. One of the things that endeared me to him was the fact that he has a good heart. He is willing and ever ready to help anyone in need. He is an honest and open person. He handles his finances very well and makes good decisions. I cannot really go on to tell you all about this guy. He's got most of the qualities that make a healthy relationship. I am 34 and I have tried relationships but I have not seen anyone as good as this guy.
However, he disclosed to me months ago that the doctors have said he may not be able to father a child because he has what medicine calls: Azoospermia (Nil sperm). I know how important it is to have children in your marriage. Who would be there for us in old age. He told me he is willing to go for child adoption as well as sperm donor, provided it is ok by me. Since he told me this, sleep has eluded me and I am so confused on what to do. I love him and I am finding it difficult to end this relationship with him. I have heard of fertility hospitals that offer sperm donor services but will I be able to handle the physiological effect that I have another person's child growing on the inside of me.
Adoption? YES I am willing to but I also desire to feel a child growing on the inside of me. I also don't want people thinking that something is wrong with the both of us if they don't see me pregnant, you know society and the way people talk. I really do not want to seek advise from any one because this is a sensitive issue. Moreover, you cannot really trust people these days to keep your secret.
This is why I have come under anonymous to you and your blog followers for advise. I would also like to ask if there is a solution/cure to this issue, perhaps someone has gone through this before or knows someone who has gone through this and found a solution to the problem. Thanks as I await your advise.
*I dont know what to say but i guess he confided in you because he trusts you,whatever you decide,please take it easy and remember that God still grants miracles.
Goodluck and God bless you.
Hummm! This one is complicated o! Nne pray and hear what God has got to say. Sometimes some doctors diagnosis can be null.
ReplyDeleteGod has the final say and remember that good men are hard to come by. I stumbled on this site for their new cure for azoospermia http://www.spermhope.com/ so check it out. may God give you as you make a decision.
DeleteBTW this is my 1st comment after over 2years of following SDK's blog. Kudos Stella as you've used this medium for much more that entertainment & Gossip but for education and inspiration to thousand of follows like me. Its never a dull moment coming here
Welcome MauMau...
DeleteDear Poster...In ma humble opinion, I honestly think u will do ur sef n d man a hell lot of favor of u marry him. Children r nt d sole reason 4 marriage so dnt mak dat ur priority my dear. What he had kept quite abt d issue n married u?...What if u had discovered after marriage?...Will u leave him den?...God will nt give us a problem/struggle/temptation dat is bigger Dan us...So pray, think n choose wisely...!
Yaron Allah
Come 2 think of it,what if your boyfriend is tryin 2 test you(as in lying)2 see d stuff yu re made of? Jus my tôt sha
DeleteOn a second note he might be telling lies.
DeleteI think it was very honest of him to tell you about this problem. If you truly love him and you have peace in ur heart then my advice is that u should marry him.
DeleteLike Stella said, God is still in the business of performing miracles.
Physically/medically speaking, apart from the options of adoption and sperm donation, I would advice u to encourage ur man to go for further tests.
There are several causes of azoospermia including hormonal and obstructive causes. If it's due to hormones, these can be boosted and a cure possibly achieved.
If it's due to obstruction, then it's possible that he's producing sperm in his testes but they can't get out during ejaculation, in which case they can be harvested and used to fertilize ur eggs (similar to IVF). So u both can be biological parents of ur future children.
The worst case scenario is if it's due to some genetic problem. That would be difficult to treat medically, but that's where God can step in to prove Himself mighty to you.
The most important thing as far as I'm concerned is, do u have peace in ur heart about this man? If yes, you have ur answer.
Poster you shld ask yourself if you're getting married just to have children or for the Joy of companionship and having a good man to spend d rest of your life with. If he's as good as u have described then u shld marry him and hand the rest over to God. He never disappoints those who put their trust in him. I'll be looking out for ur testimony on this blog. The Lord is on your side. Amen!
Deletemay God help u with ur decision but if u break up with him, please send me his contact. thanks n bye.
DeleteI don't know how much your shoe pinches; I can only say that if minus this sperm problem you will willingly marry him, then do so.
DeleteMarriage is not just for pro-creation, it's also for companionship...
Trust God- impossible is nothing to him.
Oh dear. So sorry to hear this. If ur ok with the sperm donor idea, I think it's good too. Then u can adopt one or two. But u really have to be strong and follow ur heart at the end of the day.
DeleteSweetheart,if you ever decide not to marry him,please drop his number with Stella so I can hook up with him. I don't mind at all. God will make a way. That is if he has all the qualities you mentioned. Thank you.
DeleteFor once the people of the blog give constructive advice! He is willing to go a sperm donor! Please marry d love of year life
DeleteTry watching the movie 'Facing the giants', you will realise the word impossible doesn't exist in God's dictionary. But girl, you've got to have faith so huge that others will think you've gone nuts. God is a good God and I am positive there is a reason He brought the two of you together.
DeleteTry watching the movie 'Facing the giants', you will realise the word impossible doesn't exist in God's dictionary. But girl, you've got to have faith so huge that others will think you've gone nuts. God is a good God and I am positive there is a reason He brought the two of you together.
DeleteSome people are nice in a relationship when they know they have a problem
DeleteLet me no be pessimistic.
My dear except God heals and I know miracles still do.happen...your best option is sperm donor or adoption.
Please no matter your decision never you use his problem to insult him or to threaten and yab him.....it takes courage to open up to someone you love even at the risk of loosing them about infertility issues it's heart wrenching.
If u love him enough pls don't hestitate to marry him. U even lucky he confided in you. My husband dint tell me he had ED until I found out after we got married. We started running from pillar to post, doctors said he had on 5% chance of fertilization. Another doc advised IVF. Who dash us money fo IVF? I just handed everything over to God n today m a proud mother of one. May God help u in ur decision
DeleteWell Said @Orela dimples...He's being nice may be because of his condition. D best tym to kno d true colour of a man is when he is in his best position/situation.
Deletehow did this man know that he has this condition? Was he married before?
DeleteThere are several things here but what stands out is that he even did you the courtesy of informing you. Hopefully there is no hidden agenda behind that disclosure. Deceit goes both ways in marriages: men lie about fertility, women lie about fertility.
The main thing is how to gauge his sincerity. Did he tell you because he has come to his last bus stop? Does he do the loving things he does because he has no option?
Very complicated situation and if I were you, I wouldn't base my decision solely on love which can turn sour. I would still take it to God and if I get peace, I would do it without lording it over him. On the issue of would he do same if it was you, well if we all asked that question, we would be stuck in one place. I do to honor God, I really don't care if you would do same if roles were reversed.
I believe in a God of possibilities but sometimes God's answer might not be manifest as having your own children. Be open to adoption. I'm not so sure about sperm donor, a part of me feels like it violates the spiritual sanctity of marriage. Emphasis on spiritual.
We can give you advice till tomorrow but the most important thing is TAKE IT TO THE LORD IN PRAYER. No matter your religion, your creator is there for you in times of need. Selah.
This God,this God! Der is nothn he canot do
ReplyDeleteI second this,there is absolutely nothing he cannot do.....Poster,marry him and go for the sperm donor....wishing you the best
DeletePlease marry him,it is obvious you love him and he is a very good man.
DeleteSecondly, the doctor told him he might not be able to father a child,but is that what God told him?whose report do you believe?sometimes even normal people have delay in child bearing, because it is not doctors that give children but God almighty, he alone can make the barren fruitful and your fiancee a father again,exercise your faith in the Lord, stand on his promises, if i where you,i would start buying baby products,see beyond what man can do but what God has promised, and as you believe i am sure you will carry your own babies,Amen.
Remember women without wombs have carried their wonderful babies today,why must yours be different? He says "i am the God of all flesh,is there anything to hard for me to do''?
Yes I agree with you Linda.
DeletePoster, marry him and be happy. There is nothing God cannot do. Start from adoption, then move on to sperm donor thingy, that is, if you aren't pregnant yet... Goodluck being happy
dis piece is wonderful.u jst spoke to me.i have bin battling the same decision for over 3years nw.i jst couldnt bring myself to leave him.tnx alot.u jst encouraged me.tnx
DeleteI'd say marry him if he's such a good man. As he suggested, u can go for donor sperm and have children if you really want a child of yours. Whatever u do, don't discuss this with people as they may betray u in future ( a lot of families have bigger secrets and no one knows, cos they're not telling). Keep this between you two and I bet that man will worship u forever. Just make sure u have UR OWN child (regardless of where d sperm comes from)
Deletemoving on,
click my name for all your celebration cakes and cupcakes, cheers
@ kaycee, May God bless your wisdom.
DeleteWith God all things are possible. Nothing is too hard for God to do. Just believe in God.
ReplyDeleteIf truly u love him,i don't see anything there. Just lean on God
DeleteMy dear...pls go ahead and marry him. Good guys are hard to find. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting sperm from a donor. You should even be thanking God you know this early enough...another good thing is that you can have safe sex all thur your marriage mehn...
ReplyDeletePls marry him jor
Exactly, its no big deal. Go 4 the sperm donor and don't lose this God sent man of urs. Afterall u r providing the egg, so the child is urs and ur husband is willing to bring up d child. Beta that than adoption. Abegi u no get problem.
Delete"Some have food but cannot eat, some can eat but have no food....."
Delete*Pause music*
Exactly! He seems a good man from your writeup. You cant have it all. If you ask me, marry him and make good use of available options for a child.
And hey! This secret is between you and your husband. Don't ever spill because that word 'trust'.....is dead!
*plenty hugs to u dear poster* and hey God can surprise you as well...HE could just make your husband's sperm productive. Have faith, marry him, believe!!!!!
"My dear...pls go ahead and marry him. Good guys are hard to find"?? Really? Seriously ? Who told you he is good? He is only playing a xter. So you expect him to be bad n wicked knowing well he can't father a child. Of cuz he is going to be the best dude money can't buy. Abeg poster open your eyes.
DeleteGood reply.. no need for contraceptives. U no get problem. Sperm donor dts all.. jst look for features dt will match ur hubby if u can
DeleteMy dear, go for a sperm donor and u two should keep it between yrself. As long as u luv eachother and he treats u right. Imagine if u are married to a heartless woman beater who u had kids with. Its better u work things out and since u want to feel a baby growing go for sperm donor. The donor doesn't need to have sex with you or even know who u are, as long as u make eachother happy.
ReplyDeleteIts easy to say this if u r not married. Men r funny pple, dis man is so nice and loving because he knws his disability, ll this same man love her children knowing they are not really his, there ll be trying times with those children and biological fathers dnt even handle it so well, let alone smone dt knows they are not his. Its a huge risk and u need to weigh ur options before getting in.
DeleteYou have a point here! Let the lord speak
DeleteIf you really love him as you say then go ahead and marry him please. He seems like a husband material from your description.
ReplyDeleteI don't know a thing about azoospermia (just heard it today) but incase it has no cure you guys should opt for sperm donor or adopt. You make a lot of sacrifice when you are in love.
Please don't leave him because he has a problem. I pray God grants him divine healing, Amen.
Just hand everything over to God, he is the God of impossibilities.
Sweetheart age isn't on ur side as well so what's ur guarantee of being able to mother a baby since if u keep delaying ur chances wld b getting slimmer.
ReplyDeleteUre 34 nt 24 remember?
Good men are hard to come by these days n with d way I see ur fiancé,he wld also never think of cheating n distabilising u which is the trend in Nig.
If u love him,marry him fast.
Whatever u wanna do,do it quick provided u make it a family secret.
#my £1
Why are women so marriage hungry?? Secrets are a huge burden to bear biko. How can u live with such secret for the rest of ur life, u cant tell ur children d truth, u cant tell ur family d truth, wat if the man wakes up one day and walks away, what ll become of u and UR children (remember he knows they are not his), d future holds a lot. Now my advice is this, if u want to marry that man and take this risk, i ll advice u dont ve children at all, its better u adopt. Marriage has a lot of challenges, there are times that man wnt be in d mood for kids n thr wahala and trust me, ur tots ll be dat its so because he knows they aint his kids. Think twice o my sister. Will this man ve been so kind if he was very potent. I wish u the best of luck in ur decision.
DeleteMy Dear, You need to weigh your options well before making a decision..
ReplyDeleteWhat's more important to you? Getting married or having kids?
When you have answered that, reaching a decision shouldn't be an issue.
The guy is an honest person and loves you deeply to tell you the truth fore-hand .
If you really want to go ahead with the wedding, You could go for artificial insemination, they have donors already and you do not even need to meet them.. If you are scared of what people will say, you guys relocate, do what you have to do and come back some years later with your Children.
Trust me,when a child that grows inside of you, it's a miracle! You won't even remember the story when you have the babies in your hands..Even people that have been medically certified as OKstill have issues birthing children.
Most importantly, pray to God!! You guys get together and pray to God.. There is nothing God cannot do!!
May God help you to reach a decision you won't regret!!
xoxo!!
Women ate always willing to do everything for a man but if it was d other way round, he would send you packing, impregnate women on the side and bring in his in laws to make your life a living hell. However its a guy's turn n u supposed to be "understanding"... Well if you truely love him and he is as good as you described #like he has a choice# then do the soerm donor option, this way no one needs to know and he can claim its his child...
ReplyDelete*am out
What do you mean by women are always ready to do anything for a man?? Shut up you saddist. If the guy isn't paying the girls bills and taking good care of her, do you think she will comtemplate of marrying him?? The bitter truth is that she is in luv with him bcuz of his money bcuz if a poor man showed her the same luv, she wouldn't think of marrying him knowing fully they can't make babies. Furthermore, What makes her think she will see husband at 34 when girls that are below 30 haven't even seen husband? I need not also remind you that its a man's world so you either accept it or go hug a live transformer. If you couldn't work ur relatiionship, that is not enuf reason to post deluded comment. Nonsensen chic
DeleteWhich kind of english is this
DeleteWat if he never told u? He's d most honest man on earth I guess, pls marry him nd make sure u guys are believers so u can always pray btw haven't u seen women having babies without womb? Dis God is a God of wonders so never u act like u knw it all. Marry him nd allow God take d lead.
DeleteHey anonymous FOOL! If you typing from your phone, it will suggest words for u, so dont go there with me.. Even though I dont normally reply my coments I will reply this ...
DeleteShe spoke the truth! Go and tell a man u have no womb! Before he will marry you, angel Michael will need to come down from above and speak to him!
DeleteEvie daniels God bless U! If it was a woman in this same shoe, the man wuld leave... We women re the cause of our problems. Always doing things to please men
DeleteThank u o Evie, u ve said it all. Women shuld undastand bt Men shuld hav their way anyhow dey like. Smh
DeleteMy dear this matter is a matter of love,,,and love is all about sacrifices,
ReplyDeletelove is not all about what you get but all about what you can give with ur whole pure heart,
and you may go for a sperm donor if its ok by him,since u needed ur own blood,
remember ur age ,,goodluck
Wow! I have heard of that condition before. But my sister love is everything even if you don't have children you cam adopt or you can go for sperm donor nobody has to know just the two of you and all will be fine just trust and believe in God he can do anytin.
ReplyDeleteWow! I have heard of that condition before. But my sister love is everything even if you don't have children you cam adopt or you can go for sperm donor nobody has to know just the two of you and all will be fine just trust and believe in God he can do anytin.
ReplyDeleteWow! I have heard of that condition before. But my sister love is everything even if you don't have children you cam adopt or you can go for sperm donor nobody has to know just the two of you and all will be fine just trust and believe in God he can do anytin.
ReplyDeleteFor the singular fact that he told you now rather than 10yrs later after so much persecution from his family, I think this is a good man, and endangered specie if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteMany will not say this until u re in too deep. But re u sure he's not married? Or was married before? Cos I'm trying to wrap my head around how he knew? Maybe he was trying to conceieve with another woman right? Cos which man pops into the hospital for a sperm test?
As for advice on what to do I really don't know, but I'm sure other blog visitors will be able to help. All the best.
I love the fact that even at 34 you are taking a pause and considering whether to be with this man, I tell you the things people (girls) marry in the name of husband these days is alarming, its like their only criteria is that he must be a cheat, violent, a thief from one of the european country (in the case of igbo girls) may God help us all.
U really made sense....I was also wondering hw he came 2 d knowledge.....
DeleteYaron Allah
Igbo girls ke?
DeleteU must be very stupid and silly! Y mentioning igbo girls, asnn must u bring ur tribalistic sellf to always comment? Animal!
DeleteWoow if I was in your shoes,ill go ahead and be with him only on the condition that if I ask myself if I was in his position let's say no womb will he still be there for me because there is no point sacrificing for someone who wouldn't do the same for you. in your case you are lucky he told u before getting married to him,just pray for direction if possible fast and pray
ReplyDeleteNATURELLE OSASERE
For the singular fact that he told you now rather than 10yrs later after so much persecution from his family, I think this is a good man, and endangered specie if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteMany will not say this until u re in too deep. But re u sure he's not married? Or was married before? Cos I'm trying to wrap my head around how he knew? Maybe he was trying to conceieve with another woman right? Cos which man pops into the hospital for a sperm test?
As for advice on what to do I really don't know, but I'm sure other blog visitors will be able to help. All the best.
I love the fact that even at 34 you are taking a pause and considering whether to be with this man, I tell you the things people (girls) marry in the name of husband these days is alarming, its like their only criteria is that he must be a cheat, violent, a thief from one of the european country (in the case of igbo girls) may God help us all.
im weak mehn... i dont even know what to say. im so sorry love. but yea...what Aunt Stella said
ReplyDeleteYou can tell him to do Testicular biopsy is a surgical procedure in which a piece of the testicular tissue is removed. A referral to a urologic surgeon is required. When sperm are present in the biopsy they may be cryopreserved (see sperm cryopreservation (freezing)) for subsequent attempts to fertilize the partners eggs usingin vitro fertilization (IVF).
ReplyDeleteBecause the sperm will be few in number, eggs must be fertilized by intracytopiasmic sperm injection (ICSI). The health of children conceived with testicular sperm not different from those conceived by other assisted reproductive techniques. However, men with non-obstructive azoospermia may have a genetic cause for their very low sperm production that could be passed on to any male offspring.
People like u are the reason I love this blog.
DeleteHe cant father a child? So effing what??!!! That's why there is something called adoption!!! come on Nigerians, grow up...this is the 21st century not stone ages!!!
ReplyDeleteLucinda
Odiegwu...Lucinda is back from Kenya
DeleteLucinda the Kenyan is back!
DeleteHope you've rid yourself of vile?
Welcome...
Lucinda the Kenyan is back!
DeleteHope you've rid yourself of vile?
Welcome...
Go Ahead and marry the dude pls.if u need a sperm donor I can help with that.
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all.The Lord ways are mysterious and I believe in happy endings. My question to you is, are you a xtian? Do you believe in miracles? My dear, don't get it twisted the journey wont be smooth. People will talk, frenemies will mock you but you 've to be sure you can stick by your husband. You 've to be able to work on your faith and grow a double thick skin cos you will be heartbroken when you hear what( even) your family members will say about you. If you are sure he cares about you this much and the feeling is mutual (ie he will do the same thing if the case was reversed),then my dear I will say go for it.No marriage is smooth sailing. We all 've our tales.
ReplyDeleteMy dear carryon and marry dis dude.for d sperm donor I can help u with that if u don't mind.holla hamirey2013@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteDear Poster I can feel your fears but if you ask me I will advice you to go ahead and marry your guy. He confide in you because he trust you please do not break his heart. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if after revealing such secret to him and he walks away from you?
ReplyDeleteHere's a link please find time to go through it. I read some of the points there and I thought I should send you the link as well http://theturekclinic.com/services/male-fertility-infertility-doctor-treatments-issues-zero-sperm-count-male-doctors/azoospermia-sample-causes-no-sperm-count-success-stories/
Go Ahead and marry the dude pls.if u need a sperm donor I can help with that.
ReplyDeleteit haff do kwanu biko ehn.
DeleteAbeg we don hear she didn't ask for ur sperm but ur advice
Deletevery simple matter.
ReplyDelete1. is he good in bed?
2. is he sensitive to your needs?
3. does he fear God?
if you answer yes to all these questions and well well to question number 1 in addition to what you have described in your mail, please go ahead and have a bellanaija wedding. you no even get problem be that.
Julit Gbam that is all that matters.
DeletePoster,if all you said about this guy is true o pls go ahead and marry him.I am a marriage counselor and know you have a good man already.What if he didn't tell you before marriage?would you have left him?and you are 34 remember that sweetie.
this is not the old days of our mothers,the sperm donor method is the best option i will chose for you.adoption will raise some funny stories and in Nigeria,they think its the woman that has the problem.
Its really not easy i know but please pray hard and God will see you through.
and his own situation can change too,just pray very well.All the best
you have said it all
Deletesperm donation is better indeed
and still pray to God as He is still in the business on doing miracles
all is well
@ 34 already u hv limited tym too concernin bearin kids. So fink well b4 u do anyfin. If I where 2b u. I will stick 2 him not 4 anyfin buh 4 his sincerity. Some men r so wicked dat dey won't say it till u marry dem n find out 4urself. N dey will not admit wen ur in laws r frustratin u. Ur quy is 1 in a million. B wise
ReplyDeleteAfter reading through this I found out that this issue of Nil sperm could be cure
ReplyDeleteRead this please
http://www.diabetesthyroidhormone.com/infertilityinfemale.htm
Evis Daniels, u av spoken well. If it was to b a woman, will he stay? Hmmmmm Nigeria ma country. Its well tho. Sweet@ u r lucky he told u b4 marryn u. Atleast he has d fear of God n honest. He has no choice dan to b gud to u. So pls if u can handle it, go ahead. God ll see u tru. U can live d country n come bk wen u knw dere wnt b much suspicion. Much Love.
ReplyDeleteDoyin Gold
Miracles still happen dear,I was watching just last week on tv one young guy that a lump on his penus,doctors had told him it was impossible to have children and he was ok with that,then his girlfriend got pregnant imagine how he felt,he denied the pregnancy.but the girl swore he was the father.this caused a rift btw 2 of them.when the baby was born after 3 months a DNA test was carried out,he was the father.he was so happy he cried and demanded to see the baby.so u see my dear,doctors may draw their conclusion but God has not said so,I belive u will still get pregnant by him especially when u are not expecting it.marry this man,he sounds like d kind of husband I've been praying for,I would give anything to have him as mine,and mind u he still gave u other options.pray and choose wisely.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and marry him if you really love him. My spouse and i were told i couldn't have kids. i have two today, naturally. He knew, yet he went ahead to marry me.
ReplyDeleteI know of a man who knew that he had this azoospermia, yet he hid it from his wife and himself and his family blamed her past for her infertility.
Count your blessings dear. there's nothing wrong in artificial insemination. it would be between you both and if it gets out, fuck 'em tatafos opinions.
Dis things happen cos u allow your sellf believe it does. The bible say the plans of God are of good and nt of evil and dat he has not given u d spirit of fear but of power of love and of sound mind. The same God tld u 2 b fruitful and multiply. God doesn't promise what he can't do. Keep declearing these words with faith dnt let d devil win d battle cos u av accepted defeat, jesus took away all ur infirmities 2000 years ago so u can bcome whole again. Pls come to HICC at gbagada jesus is working for those who believe e iS the all way. Christ is all u need to have all your needs met
ReplyDeleteStella, Tunde Leye mentioned ur name in his write up today! Also told us u stay in Germany.
ReplyDeleteEverybody is sayin marry him cos he is sincere n he luvs u pls ppl luv isn't jus enuf 4 marriage av u thoght 4 a second if d situatn ws d oda way round if he wuld marry u 2) wen u av kids r u sure he wuld take care of dem like his 3) ppl fall out of luv in marriages n av issues n dey re unite cos of dere kids wuld he wish 2 renite wt u wen he knws d kids r nt his blood n flesh 4) r u sure he sincerely luvs u or jus tryin 2 pls u so if he tels u his problem u wuld feel sori 4 him. Swit@ wen ur gettin into marriage fink of wt wuld happen 10 to 15yrs later nt jus d correct feelin @ d moment. I understand age isn't by ur side my advice is 4 u 2 fink n pray abt it very we'll so u don't regret ur actions. Jesus luvs u bye #sori 4 typo errors
ReplyDeleteThe only reasonable comment i ve read here. Nigerians are so annoying, they r all shouting marry him because she is 34?? Poster pls be careful o.
DeleteMay God bless u o for dis comment, abeg dear poster future is what matter nt present!!!! There re ups n downs in marriage cos during quarels couple misyarn a lot,pray u both dnt misyarn derby spoiling tinz for ursefs tomorrow.
DeleteIt is written go into the world and multiply,replenish the earth and have dominion.none shall be barren in the land.your man is fruithful the seed inside him can bring forth children believe God.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, test him, tell him ur womb was ruptured, see his reaction aswell be sure. He loves you enuf for you to risk your life for him, from most of this comments I v come to the terms that. T's a man's world! If na man u fit marry am if in no fit born pikin buh if na woman demm go say she useless! God Help us!
ReplyDeleteYou said he has all the qualities you want in a man, he is ready for adoption or sperm donor, you also said you love him so where is the problem? It is up to you, think deep, wide and far, it is your life. But me personally my greatest turn on in people are, honesty and humility. You have a honest man here, think about this, ask yourself this question, what if this man did not tell you about his problem before marriage? We must learn to appreciate honesty. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHow was the azospermia determined? If it is just semen fluid analysis, then they should do hormonal profile for him (FSH, LH, Prolactin and Testosterone), from the results, they will know if he is producing sperm cells already, if he is producing, then there is a blockage somewhere that could be corrected using laparascopy (not in Naija though). But if all turned out he is not producing @ all, my best advice is adoption. Then my questions for u, have u accessed ur own fertility profile (have u been pregnant before), if not, both of u may be needing help as well. Forget what the society thinks, the guy is very honest, if u say u love him as u claim, go ahead and marry him. Some ladies/men married their spouses knowing they are HIV positive. To me I don't see this as a problem @ all. What if the guy didn't tell u n u married him. His people will come to accuse u for not having a baby. But with his honesty, he will always protect u, he satisfies u in bed, what else can u be looking for? All the same I pray u face the situation head on. Chyachebe
ReplyDeleteNO GUYS!! someone who is 34 isn't running out of time. Come on. things have changed. its just great to have kids early. marriage no get age limit abeg
ReplyDeleteToo sensible
DeleteOf course he will be nice to you,he has a major ego destroying defect,what other attitude will he put up.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,the African male is dangerous.Be careful,re:Lamptrey.
If you go forward with this,make sure you have a written document,signed by him where he acknowledges his azospermia plus the fact that you both agreed to use sperm donor.
This is to safeguard yourself and your future.tomorrow he will claim none of the kids are his and that you've been sleeping with other men.
Trust me,love is pushing you now but when push comes to shove and no kid,it's you they will point at.you who will be at a disadvantage.
Be warned!!
My dear tell her o. African men, in particular, Naija men are very wicked. When he finds another babe he likes, he will use this evidence against you o. If you use a sperm donor, tell either your father or brother o. Someone must know from your side what is going on. And keep copies of his medical records, just in case, for the future. Also, keep any medical records of any IVF operation that is carried out on you. Am not saying don't marry, but make sure that 5, 10, or 15 years down the line, he will not use this to throw you and your kids out of the house.
DeletePls marry him. Doctor Jesus has the finally say!
ReplyDelete#Sonyes
It's really heartbreaking to read your post. But it's clear that you love him. Another thing is you fancy the idea of having a child that is between you two, and it hurts you to think that even if there was a sperm donor, the baby will bear another man's genetic code. So sad. But you must realize that the most important factor here is the love you both have for each other. Marry your heart, weigh your options (adoption and sperm donation), and go for it. Personally I'll say you should go for adoption because I fear for any possible pregnancy complication you might have if you went for a sperm donor. May GOD always be your strength. BE BLESSED.
ReplyDeleteI know a couple with this same issue and they have been married for 20 years. They decided to adopt a beautiful girl and they are living a very good life, thru love each other do much and treat each other with utmost respect. In my opinion, they are better off than couples that have a million children and are unhappy together. If he is a good man, please marry him, even if people get to know his condition like the couple I mentioned above, be ready to stand by him. God bless
ReplyDeletewow, what a real sad story
ReplyDeletelet us be realistic for once. let us reverse the case,dear poster, if said the man loves you so much and a very good man for that matter.
ReplyDeleteQuestion no 1. Assuming ( God forbid that you are the one that has issues, like u dont ovulate or that you cant have babies. deep in your heart do u think that this man will go ahead and marry you.
Question no 2.Assuming he decides to marry you with in this situation, do you believe he will not like to have his own biological children,do u think he will agree to adopt? or he may go behind your back and get someone else pregnant due to family pressure
Question 3. Assuming you agree to marry him, what are the chances that tomorrow, he may not abadon you and the kids cos they are not biological his kids.
Am not trying to say that your man is not good, you know your man more than anyone of us here in this blog, what am trying to say, is that have a serious talk with him, discuss your fears with him. Another thing is that 34 yrs old, u are not old as people say, but the chances a woman has starts to decrease at 35 years old. but if you decide to marry him, i will advice you to go for sperm donation,this way, u will also carry the pregnancy yourself and believe me. it all boils down to love you have for one another. i know a couple that got married, after 8 yrs of no issue, they found out that the wife was the one with infertilty problems, she was not producing eggs at all. so they had egg donated for them, and the egg was fertilized with her husbands sperm.and now they have twins. a boy and a girl. the kids are not biologically hers but her husband, but she is a proud mother of 2 kids now and her husband is God sent to her, cos not all men will out for theis wife at that trying period. So dear poster, weigh the options, discuss with him, and follow your heart.
The same thing is happening in my home. We ache badly for a child. Our families and friends are on our neck too. Sadly, we can't afford IVF
ReplyDeleteGod will answer your prayers this year.mark my words.
DeleteAMEN! Thanks darling
DeleteDear poster, if the guy is as fantastic as u av describe, pls marry him. He is honest, kind and genereous (much like me). And God made u meet him for a reason. Everybody has his/her imperfections...he admit his..help him work on it and overcome it rather than running to greener pasture which u r not sure of. pray to God and trust in Him. encourage your man to be prayerful and strong. Mehnn!!! damn the World and what anybody thinks of your union. It your happiness that matters not theirs.
ReplyDeleteWith God all things are possible. Ave faith.
ReplyDeleteGood men are hard to find. A child is not mostly a cause for divorce. Check out most divorcees have kids besides u'll notice most men without kids might impregnate girls outside bt will always remain with their wives. Whn u get married u'll understand how important love and peace are. If he is good as you say you can marry him except you have another better option. As you said u can go with donor sperms, thy're new treatments coming out everyday. Happiness is what u mk in ur life not when u hv it all. People hv it all and try to pls the world and are suffering in silence. As a teacher I'll let u knw dat u'll appreciate a man more that loves u cos whn a woman is not happy, the home is rubbish and d kids are sad too. I'v taught fr over 10yrs and I knw wht kids go thru cos of the rift between parents. People hv kids dat are a write off cos of home problems cos its the home that makes a child. So marry for unconditional love and all will come to u. A girl left her good fiance for wealthy one and got HIV. It was still d goodone dat tk kia of her b4 he moved on with his life. U're more secure with a man that loves u. If u hv moni or can sae there's a new treatment sperm mapping. Google dr Paul turek. MY DARLIN STELLA,LOVE U LOADS. U're too much.:) Ur blog is therapy. Fun,entertainment and educative.
ReplyDeleteU cnt underestimate the power of love from a man. People will call him mumu cos of u. He'll stay with u thru thick and thin. Am tellin u a good man will stay with u if u had worse problems. Why do u think thy say goodmen are hard to find. Its natural to get worried. Do ur research. Technology has made things easy for us. U could also get married to smone else without anyproblem and u might nt gv birth. I think he's good cos no good man will tell u. I knw a man with d same problem dat beats his wife. Whn a man is bad,he's bad. His situation will nt calm him down. Maybe for a moment.
ReplyDeleteHmnnnn,this issue is a serious one.Its not only about love.We are black race,we also need children in our marriage.The love still dey hot now :) Please think twice XO
ReplyDeleteThere's hope 4 azospermic patient, drugs used in teatment of male infertility can help build up d sperm 2 certain level b4 IVF. C a gyneacologist or urologist 4 further counselling.
ReplyDeleteTest 4 hormonal levels of LH, FSH and TESTESTERONE can be used 2 determine wether d cause is as a result of hypogonadism or obstructive azospermia wc can be corrected by surgery. If Lh and Fsh is low den drugs and hormonal injections can be used 2 c if sperm production can occur b4 using ICSI 2 collect,store in sperm bank and proceed 2 IVf.
DeleteThis is not the end of the world to me, but then everybody is different and have their own life priorities. If it is a burden to your soul then you have to do that which will ease your burden. He is a very diplomatic man in terms of what he is willing to do to allow you to experience motherhood, and this strait is very desirable in a lifelong mate.
ReplyDeleteYou could not state one character flaw with him in your letter, why would you let someone without any character issues get away simply because of one obstacle that can be easily overcome? It is the character of a man that you will need in the marriage years, not his procreation abilities. It is his diplomatic abilities you will need when you have disagreements, it is his integrity you will need to ensure the best life for you and the children, he has displayed his integrity by not keeping this a secret. My dear, a bird in hand is worth two in the bush, you are sure at this moment that you have a good man in hand, you will not be sure to find another like him or better if you let him go. He could meet a woman with young children and take her in as wife and go on to live a blissful life fathering her children, while you go to and fro at 34 to try to meet another good man. If you do not want to use a donor, then see if there is any man in his family who would ok being a sperm donor for y'all.
Pray very well before you marry him.....also get a pastors you respect to pray along with you......when you are satisfied it's Gods will then go ahead.....God still does miracles so both of you begin to pray, fast and be expectant.....am giving you this advise the same way I would give a man who says the woman has no womb......he has to also tell his family so they will appreciate and know how much sacrifice you have made for their son......if it is a woman many people will expect the man to go outside and father children with another woman........the day he starts to misbehave leave him and go somewhere else cos most men will not marry a woman without a womb so don't let anyone make you feel guilty about anything......if you decide to go ahead be patient cos I tell you it won't be easer him...
ReplyDeleteSay Yes to God and let Him take control..No to sperm donor pls..Yes to Adoption..You never know if God will make a way, what den will now happen to d bastard child u conceived out of desperation.. Adoption is a better option n keep praying for God to intervene.. Best of Luck#
ReplyDeletehmmm no child is a bastard abeg. As a matter of fact, the only classifiable "bastard" would be Jesus Christ because he was conceived of the Holy Spirit. As long as a child was conceived with sperm, the child is no bastard.
Deletehow did this man know that he has this condition? Was he married before?
ReplyDeleteThere are several things here but what stands out is that he even did you the courtesy of informing you. Hopefully there is no hidden agenda behind that disclosure. Deceit goes both ways in marriages: men lie about fertility, women lie about fertility.
The main thing is how to gauge his sincerity. Did he tell you because he has come to his last bus stop? Does he do the loving things he does because he has no option?
Very complicated situation and if I were you, I wouldn't base my decision solely on love which can turn sour. I would still take it to God and if I get peace, I would do it without lording it over him. On the issue of would he do same if it was you, well if we all asked that question, we would be stuck in one place. I do to honor God, I really don't care if you would do same if roles were reversed.
I believe in a God of possibilities but sometimes God's answer might not be manifest as having your own children. Be open to adoption. I'm not so sure about sperm donor, a part of me feels like it violates the spiritual sanctity of marriage. Emphasis on spiritual.
We can give you advice till tomorrow but the most important thing is TAKE IT TO THE LORD IN PRAYER. No matter your religion, your creator is there for you in times of need. Selah.
Wow! I hv been going tru a similar situation for three years in my marriage,trying to decide on what to do? We hv tried all forms of medical treatment but no luck.. we are still hoping on God but my husband has started insisting on the donor sperm method,which I'm not sure I want to do cos I dnt tink I love him that much again to tk such a risk..My problem start few months into d marriage before we even discovered this azospermia problem,i discovered my husband was still keeping in touch with a girl he cheated on me with while we were dating, after swearing with his life that he hadn't and wouldn't ever again cheat tokless of keep in touch. that one was d first shocker that tore me apart cos I trusted and loved him very much..then there wer series of him toking to me with disrespect, telling his friends how even on our wedding day he couldn't help but notice chics with their succulent breasts,( a lot of hurtful tok )...there wer instances wer girl issues came up,either him calling his ex nd toking rubbish or some oda annoying tin..i reached out to his parents nd family wen it got really hurtful,when anoda issue came up just immediately after we discoverd d azospermia tin, so that they could tok to him cos I was already depressed at d discovery of the azospermia tin nd cudnt stand more hurt,but instead dey took their son's side and even said that if they had known they wouldn't have allowed him marry me, cos I told them that during my augment with him I had slapped him out of frustration and deep sadness when he was not remorseful over one of d girl issue,dey even went as far as telling him I said tins that I didn't say and he blived them.(meanwhile dey had known about d azospermia issue oh and what I might b going tru).that period was hell for me,(I even got ulcer nd all from tinkn and cos I cudnt tell my own family cos I was protecting him) I saw them as my family and never knew the world cud b so harsh.. long and short is that a lot of actions shocked and hurt me even before we discovered about d azospermia that already made me regret getting married to him and coming into their family,that made d love I had for him reduce madly, I dnt knw y.( I avoided them for a whole year nd never blived I cud even ever get myself to toked to dem again)...now even after d discovery, while we wer supposed to b praying to our God,while I was hving sleepless nights thinking, while I was hearing side talks or how I might have a problem,while I was business handle it on my own (cos I still have not told anyone about his problem), anoda issue came up of him and a girl about starting an affair..this is a man I'm going tru hell for..now he has become a nicer person,promised never to misbehave again and all,he attends to my needs even more than I need,his parents r nicer and all...he wants the donor sperm option and doesn't want d adoption option, ordinarily I'm a typical lover girl,the kind that can make any kind of sacrifice for someone I love but right now I dnt tink I love him as I ought to, definitely nd sincerely not because of his problem but because of the oda plenty stuff dat went down..i fear that the donor sperm tin is too much risk bcos tomorrow he or his family might turn and start maltreating d kids cos they are not his own..and plus there will b no bond btw me and him and all.and I fear all the niceness might go. Most times all I want to do is walk away and find love,someone my heart will beat for,someone I feel safe with, even if I dnt even get to have kids with d person...I am so in a fix right now cos I dnt want to upset God but at d same time I want to b happy and I dnt want to make anoda mistake I would regret..pls I nid ur tots too..
ReplyDelete