Thoughts Of A Single Naija Babe As The Year Rounds Up...

So another year is coming to an end...hmmmm.
I remember when i was much younger, every 31st December i'd take a book, sit on my then plastic table and chair and write everything that happened in the year. I'd write my achievement, my mistakes and then i'd make resolutions for the next year. 

Last year i picked up my book to write as usual but for some strange reason i decided to go through the writings from the previous year. Over and over again it felt like i was reading the plot of the same story but with different characters and different settings. Same things were happening year in and year out with no much difference. At that point i got upset and decided not to do the usual sober reflection. I mean, whats really the point right? At 10pm i got out of my bed and decided to go for crossover night and at 12midnight i waltz into the New year with no resolutions and no strategy.

 First quarter of the year was over in 2seconds and unfortunately i'd not made any significant improvement. My emotions were still a mess. 
Once more i was lying on my bed, counting the ceiling and waiing patiently for him to return my numerous calls. It was another messed up relationship but i just couldnt imagine being by myself.

 Loneliness was like a trap and i wasnt ready to get caught in it. I'd rather hold on to what is left of my relationship while hoping that maybe, jus maybe cupid will remember my forwarding address... i wokeup the next morning, rushed for my phone only to find out he had not called. I called him and asked why he didnt return my calls and he said- sorry love got home really tired and forgot to call. It was always the same excuse. I mean if something is important to you, you make out time for it right?

Anyway, as usual, i turned to my best friend and held it really tight. If only my pillow could scream!!! i sobbed till my tear glands begged to be rehydrated. It was the last straw for me. Things needed to change for the better. Enough with hanging on to messed up relationship all cause i am scared of being lonely. I was exhausted and tired of relationships that left me broken and i needed a change. 

 I really needed a new strategy. I mean only a mad man does the same things over and over again and expects a different result right?

With a past history of abuse, over the years i had come to be dependent on peoples approval and acceptance to feel good about myself. Whenever i didnt feel good or loved in a relationship, i threw a tantrum and walked right out. I expected my partners to fill a void they didnt even realize existed and time and time again i put undue pressure on my relationships, causing my partners to withdraw.  

 Anyway, one day after a long refreshing walk, i decided it was about time i REFOCUSED. I was so focused on finding an ideal mate that will make me happy and rescue me from myself but all i got in the end was broken promises and unmet needs. To turn my relationship history around, i needed a new a strategy. 

I needed to deal with my unrealistic expectations, my insecurities and my poor self -respect

First i decided to get my relationship with God right. I mean, how else am i suppose to to attain wholeness if not by going back to the potter? I needed to be healed of all the hurts from my past experiences and relationships. It was time to stop hiding behind deep sheaths of makeup and a radiant smile when i was all messed up and twisted on the inside. 

So i went back to the one who knows best. I'd tried all i could but i was still broken. It was time to surrender totally...which i did.

Secondly i decided it was time to develop self love. I needed to see myself in a new light. Saved and redeemed through christ Jesus. I might have made a truck load of mistakes but that didnt define me...
I needed to take responsibility for my emotions and myself. It was time to stop waiting around for my knight in shinning armor to come rescue me. It was time to rescue myself. 

I finally came to the realization that my happiness wasnt dependent on external factors or people but on me. So everyday i looked in the mirror and spoke to the woman i saw and i told her all the amazing things possible. How strong she really was and how amazing her future will be. I learnt to be there for myself. Took myself out alot, laughed at myself alot. Did all the things that made me feel amazing. 

I kept a journal and i wrote in it everyday. Getting to know myself has been a wonderful experience so far. Wonder what took me so long..

Thirdly, i decided it was about time to really learn how to love my neighbour- i mean LOVE.. that .overrated, overused short-lived feeling??? Hmmm. It took me a while but finally i came to the realization that love is not the whole palm sweating, heart racing, tummy churning feeling we get when we are with someone we are attracted to. If that was it, God wouldnt have made a blanket statement such as 'love your neighbour as yourself'. 

A lot of people say there are different kinds of love but in my opinion, that is a fallacy. Love is love. The context in which it is expressed may differ but there is only one kind of love. Love is not a feeling but a decision to give without expecting anything in return, to accept peopel for who they really are, making allowance for their flaws, to be patient with people at all times and in all circumstances. Love is a decision to stay committed to another irrespective if changing times and circumstances. love isnt
somthing you do when u feel good or when conditions are ideal. 

Love is what you do when the realities of life hit you in the face and you stare right back at it... amazing truth!

Its been a long, hard but amazing journey for me this year.
Its not 31st December yet and its not time for my sober reflection, but looking back at the year and the amazing things i learnt in this year, i can't help but share...
Took me a while but i am finally here. I am ready to live my best life now. 
I don't know about you but i am really looking foward to 2014 because it is going to be a wonderful year. 

 D.A.....Blog visitor.