There's an issue that has been eating my heart deep. Though its well over 2years now but each time I remember the hurt pierces my soul, worse still my husband argues and FEELS NOTHING IS WRONG ABOUT IT. Please help use your platform to discuss this let me know what obtains in other homes and put my emotions to rest.
I was heavily pregnant with our first child(a boy) in the first year of our marriage only to discover my hubby had secretly bought a car. Hubby had one so I happily thought it was a surprise for me since I had none and I encountered enormous stress as a result of this going for antenatal, market, etc.
I got the shocker of my life to discover it was for my father-in law cos the man previously had one. (So now he has two cars) Stella I cried and felt really betrayed. I peaceful and maturely confronted my hubby who gave some lame excuses alongside so many other hurts that happened in quick sequence(That singular act changed my attitude I became aggressive cos I felt he perceived me as too soft to have done such and still defend it) 'Men are quick to conclude their wife is giving them trouble forgetting they hurt her deeply first'.
Additional info; I was a very good lady all through my university days (married the first and only guy I ever dated and even lost my virginity after marriage) I missed graduating with a first class by a few points even with this excellent result my man doesn't want me to work. Neither does he take care of my parents like he does his. He opened a very big store and put his younger brother (sadly, as nemesis would have it that one has been duping him black and blue)
Fast forward to almost 2years, am still struggling on buses and bikes with a baby when my husband can very well afford it. I have no helper cos hubby doesn't like d idea neither would he allow my relatives live in but his brother has been in our home from day 1 and has caused severe havoc. Can anyone explain the meaning of this to me????? #frustrated wife#
TREAT A 'GOOD' WOMAN LIKE A QUEEN AND SEE IF SHE WON'T TREAT YOU AS A KING!!!
*sigh*......have you triedd talking to him?gra-gra solves nothing and the tone of your mail sounds like you have declared war in your home because of a car.All i can tell you is that there are many ways you can make him see reason than the stance you have taken.....you call yourself a good woman,he might also see himself as a good man.
The other issue about relatives and his not wanting you to work,you settled for that in the beginning so if you want to change anything now,pray for the wisdom of Solomon and use it wisely.....don't break up your home because of this and in case you have some friends advising you,stop listening to them...my two cents but i might be wrong,lets see what others have to say.
Bebe dnt break ur marriage bcos of a minor issue like car, he may have a better plan 4 u
ReplyDeleteThis aint a minor issue @ all... It goes far beyond this wife owning a car... I hope your home doesn't break up tho... Cos its looking like it.
DeleteFor God sakes, car is massive comfort considering the stress of taking buses just by yourself, not to talk of with kids... Had it been ur hubby cldnt afford it, then that wlda been a different scenario altogether... U do not want ur wife who if she puts her degree to use, she will be able to afford a car in no time, yet u cannot make her comfortable, worse is u can't make ur kids comfortable... That, is a very stingy husband I tell you... Its a pity tho.. Again, I hope and pray ur marriage doesn't pack up.
Big Lie!!! Better plans my FOOT! Datz how u pple have no idea!
DeleteHonestly this your comment is annoying, you wrote like the lady is unhappy because of a car! that's not the P, the issues is that the hubby is not treating her like a Queen that she is....
DeleteMy 2 kobo...
DeleteThis is why I don't like girls that think they're way too intelligent and smart.
You got married a virgin....lame!!
You almost made a first class--lame!!
You shld focus on making things work by being humble in ur home...stoop to conquer.
Stop being jealous of ur inlaws,they made ur husband.
Your marriage is too young for the sorrows you're causing yourself.
Get a job!
Come wass ya name...mamie abi na mamie water.......seems ur blind or can't read well to c dat her hubby doesn't even want her working.........its ur type dat die in silence in dreadful marriages
DeleteCar? Minor ish? Why did u ignore d oda points she raised? Smh @hypocrites! This is a hell big ish. Kmt
DeleteYou are a very dull girl and extremely shallow!
DeleteMy cousin got married in june. She has a very good job as an electrical engineer. The yeye husband that is not earning up to 150k a month started saying she should go and resign. Hian! See Gobe! My uncle immediately sent errands to him that anyday he dares to raise such topic again, he will take his daughter back and that if his wife working bothers him a whole lot, then he should quietly leave her alone and look for someone else. Some men and their inferiority complex...
DeleteThe best thing for you is to get a job please. You need to be independent so you wont ve to wait on your husband for everything. I dont think getting a job will break your home except your hubby is selfish. I am married and i work cos i cant afford to wait on hubby for every of my family's need.
DeleteExplain to your hubby that you need to start working and if he is not comfortable with dt, let him set you up business wise. If he wants you to be home 24/7 then ley him start paying you salary so that you have your own cash.
MY OWN FATHER WILL NOT COLLECT THE CAR AND WILL TELL HIS SON TO BUY HIS WIFE A CAR INSTEAD.
DeleteWOMAN, YOU DIDN'T LAY DOWN BOUNDARIES BEFORE YOU MARRIED. IS IT ABOUT VIRGINITY?
IF HE CANNOT TAKE CARE OF YOUR PARENTS, GET A JOB AND TAKE CARE OF THEM YOURSELF
WOMEN SEF NA US DEY CAUSE WAHALA FOR OURSELVES
The fact that he bought the car secretly shows that he knows what he was doing. That's not nice @all. Not saying he shouldn't care for his parents bbut his wife is important as well + he told her not to work so he should make her comfortable so long as it's within his reach. Madam take it easy too. Resentment wouldn't solve anything, it would only make things worse. God bless ur home
Delete@Stella, u have said it all, pray 4 God's wisdom n undastanding, Dats d only tin dat can get u thru, All d best Ma'am
ReplyDeletePoster,Sorry to say but your hubby is a wicked man....who does that?.....no Igbo man will treat his wife this way..please sit him down and talk to him
ReplyDeleteGbam. Most Igbo men know d secret of success. One of which is taking adequate care of your helper (wife, helpmeet) the bible says he who finds a wife obtains favour from the Lord. Wen ur wife genuinely prays for you from her heart. Chai, u r unstoppable. Lolz
DeleteGet yourself a job, get yourself a job, get yourself a job...that's the solution to your problem...EEE!!!
ReplyDeleteGbam!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteIn support.
DeleteHmm I see no reason why he didn't let you work and yet not taking care of u and ur parent what I think u shld do this call him and talk to him and a good wife if he doesn't listen let's his parent know how u feel I think they wl call and talk and teach him all marriage is all abt cos he might know.
ReplyDeleteHis parents Ke????? Smh
DeletePple n stupid advice sha! His parents? Ok she'll say daddy he bought u a car n didn't buy for me or he put his bro in charge of a biz n not me? Lol! *smh
DeleteIts easy to run my mouth and tell you what to do but truth is Ive never been married so i dont know. but imma sit here and read the mature responses though. Its never too early to learn.lol
ReplyDeletewalkwithleona.blogspot.com
So it's now a crime that he bought a car to appreciate a man to born and raised him? Do u know how much sacrifice his dad made to make ur hubby what he is today? I know that if ur hubby wasn't taken care of and if he was a bus conductor, u the virgin good woman won't marry him. You want him to take care of ur parents but u are angry he takes care of his dad, u want ur relatives to live with u but angry that his brother lives there. Why are some women just plain evil? The only part of ur argument that makes sense is that if he can't let u work, then he shuld get a driver that will take u and the kids out when ur hubby is busy, he shuldnt let his babies be jumping bus. He married u and didn't marry ur parents m relatives, so it's not his responsibility to take care of ur parents n relatives , he has to take care of his kids n u and his parents . Ur brothers shuld take care of ur parents, but if ur people can't afford that, them ur hubby may chose to help out but just know that he isn't obligated to. If u like take ur hand spoil ur marriage , I didn't hear u say he cheats, his crime is that he didn't ignore his parents coz he married queen Elizabeth. One day ur sons will marry n their wives will make them ignore u and ur hubby at old age.
ReplyDeleteThen he should allow her work so she can take care of her parents.he chose not to allow her work so he should take care of them
DeleteI love what u said..plain truth..
DeleteWhat is there to love abt his/her comment? A man will leave his family n cling unto his wife n they ll become 1. U want d guy to provide so his kids won't b jumpin buses but its ok for d woman to jump buses. (Wicked). If the tables were to b turned and its d woman that has d wealth n she buys a car for her dad ist, allowin her husband to b jumpin buses then it will b wrong. B4 u comment, put urself in d other person's shoe(s). Its emotionally cheating.
DeleteBebe r; u sounded like a very immature baby. U r obviously still very much single and struggling to kip a bf sef to sound so stupid. Please listen to ursef and see d man is doing wot he can't take from his wife. Kids like you should be busy studying rather than dishing out advice to married adults. Don't bother tryn to reply cos u obviously can't comprehend wot I said. Give to your seniors to explain it. Lolzzz... Ur comments pain me gan expected much more frm u!!
DeleteBebe r, I shake my head for you. If you are a girl, I guess you are not married. You sound so bitter and the bitterness didn't allow you to understand what the poster is saying. I wouldn't want to have someone like you as an inlaw, relative or friend, cos I know you will be a very selfish and wicked person. Just pray you don't marry a selfish and insensitive man. May God have mercy on you!
Deletedo u people mind,he bought his father a car b4 his own wife,ahba,that is how it starts,emotional violence, to think this blog did a topic on violence in the home. truth is you saw some signs before you married him but went along to marry him.
ReplyDeletemy dear, first pray but prayer is prayer till you do something, start working first. any man who drives a car while the wife hops from one bus to another is a wicked man.
i left my own fiancee cos i saw the same signs,he will rather park his car in his compound,while i take buses with 2 boxes of clothes that i sell while i can drive o.
it is up to you tho.my advice is talk to him on these issues, if he is stubborn, you have to do it your way,cos u have a life as he has a life, you wont be judge as couple sef in heaven,but individually,you must exist b4 him, cos it is US-ME-YOU-FAMILY, that is the formula i believe in.
he isnt even thinking of his child you hop buses with.
na small small he dey start sha o.
Listen well but NEVER LOOSE YOUR VOICE
Osheyyyyyyyyyy! On point sis. U rub sharpsharp
DeleteGreedy wife,bcos he bought a car for his dad u felt he has wronged you.do you know what the dad went through before that ur husband became what he is today that got you attracted to him.I will be happy that my hubby buy things for his people so they cnt see me as a bad wife and give me rest of mind in my home.small time na una go carry come say husbnd people de disturb you.so because he married you he should become the bread winner of ur family.biko talk with ur hubby well and go carry ur certificate work.na when the need arises or during festivals my husband de carry things give my family.Na spirit of envy de worry you
ReplyDeleteFoolish woman did u read where she said d hubby's father owns a car already so dis is d 2nd 1, isn't it cruel dat his wife wldnt own 1 if he can afford it, i must say u r an idiot 4 writing wat u just wrote! Ewu
DeleteName spirit of stupidity they worry you. Hypocrite! So u will be happy or FIL has 2cars while u struggle all alone wit a child. U sure can't take half of it. For Christ sake the wife was pregnant at DAT time why must it be den??? See ehn, series atiming for evrytin under d sun. DATS vryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wrong y den was it secretly????
DeleteYou really sound like a typical village woman... what about her parents? didn't they also go throw a lot to make her what she is today? Pls talk to your hubby dear, esp concerning the car issue cos it's wrong. By God's grace our children will also take care of us. Apply wisdom!
Deleteok...am not here to ask you to leave ur husband.....neither am i here to ask u stay with him
ReplyDeleteBe patient,,,,
Read ur bible
Be submisive
Talk with him
Invite Jesus into ur home
Jesus wil calm every storm
@Galore
Ur hubby is being a little selfish!!! He should get u even if its a second car before he gets his father a second car. Honestly I tink u should be working as u r not helping urself or ur kids at all.to make matas worst he opened supermarket for his brother ,haba!!! Talk to him n take it to God in prayers
ReplyDeleteA little Ke???? Vryyy very selfish I must say to the man.
DeleteMy sister,softly o! Marriage no. B beans but u must communicate wit ur husband.in d first place u shld hv told him ur intention abt wk b4 d marriage,as 4 a car dnt expect ur husband 2 b quick 2 c ur need 4 it,and 4 d relatives-dy ar numba 1 4 ur husband. U hv 2 pray very hard o!
ReplyDeleteWhenever it comes to anyone telling a man how to spend his hard earned money, please count me out.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that he married you means he didn't hate you. You don't know the role his dad played in his life, you barely met and married him...his brothers and dad might have sacrifice a lot for which aided in to attend the height he is now, that it will be considered as wickedness, foolishness and ingratitude for him to buy you car and pay deaf ears to people who stood by him when he has nothing.
Biko, take it easy and patient, you will have yours when the time comes.
I understand some of my sentence was not complete (didn't make sense). Please, make una forgive me, I was in my shop typing very fast to comment before any costumer comes in.
DeleteYou still dey dat your shop for Katangua?
DeleteIs that why his father should have two cars while the wife treks with belle and an infant? Why didn't he give his pops the new one and give the old one to his wife? On top of that his brother runs their shop while the woman sits at home begging him for change. Then she isn't allowed to get any help be they family or outsiders? Babe you better wise up o. Your husband and his family is using you to dance skelewu. Better figure out how to get your husband to his rightful place, your side. Sounds like a man who might will all his assets to his family if care is not taken. I am not saying a man shouldn't take care of his parents and siblings o. But scale should never tip too much to one side abeg.
DeleteWickedness Ke? Foolishness nkwa? A man must cleave to his wife o, 2 shall become one. I tink wot he did is foolishness at its peak. Can u do same???
DeleteCommunication helps to save a relationship.. Always learn to say out what is bothering you if not, he'll feel you're comfortable..#shikena
ReplyDeleteUV spoken reallyyyyy well
DeleteJust talk to him about it. And pray. Prayer solves even the impossible.
ReplyDeleteVisit my blog www.justshantel.blogspot.com
Hez plainin 2 buy range rover(2013 model) 4 u.kip waiting.
ReplyDeleteLmaoooo. Yinmuuuuu
DeleteLmaooooooo.... Am sure the lady wud get it in 50 years time. Yinmu
DeleteJust be calm and be very nice to him, u will be surprise at the outcome. Seal ur mouth n don't be rude
ReplyDeleteSeal mouth Ke? In such situation. There's no way d woman wunt react. Chain, see all d points listed!
DeleteYour man is selfish and is not thoughtful at all else he won't have to be nagged to do what he's supposed to do for you. He probably is not even in love with you else he will be thinking of how to please you, make you happy and comfortable. He married u becos u were a virgin and that novelty of being a virgin has worn off. Get a job or setup a business and take care of yourself. Don't mind the selfish man.
ReplyDeleteNice comment. U r veryyyyyy intelligent, each line so onpoint
DeleteShe should get a job and get a bf to take care of her too, cos this is Nigeria, she has to die in dt marriage, d only way to make herself happy is to find love elsewhr while preserving her marriage.
DeleteNot much of an expert in this area and I sure I would have done things differently if I was in ur shoes. However, like Stella rightly said talk to him, and put on ur Sergent Russo hat en find out why he is doing all this. If u put ur anger aside u might be able to connect some dots and see a clearer picture of what's going on. Maybe dts who he is or something is making him do all dt. Once u find out u'll know aw well to handle the issue. Don't forget pray to God for direction and most importantly intervention. I wish you all the best and pray everything changes for good in your home. Xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteLike wat??? the man is jus a cheap skate.. Even though its not advisable to break up ur marriage over such lame reasons but babe dat ur hussy need to be talked to real time.. Its a woman dat teaches her man how to treat her...goodluck
ReplyDeleteAnd man's attitude determines wot he gets in return
DeletePlease abeg spare me all that cock and bull story!
ReplyDeleteMy dear dis is jst d beginning of ur worst nightmare!
I tel u!
If u like siddon on top house dey do housewife and mother, dnt go and look for a job and walk!
Ur husband as far as am concerned is a bastard!
Asin he reminds me of my fada, if u know wats best for u, jst get ur own source of income, men are wicked and heartless, hez driving car, and flexing while ure sufferin! Anyman that loves u wud take care of u and make u comfortable!
M fada was jst a useless greedy man who neva wanted my mom to work!
He jst loved sm1 being dependent on him! That horrible!
Beta watch out!
Control this now, or forever regret like my mom!
Awwwww. Pls tell us more? Why is she regretting?
DeleteSame with my dad, if not that am so sure non of my siblings reads stellas blog, i ll be so sure u r one of us. Men r really mean, they want u to be useless n dependent all ur life and its not like they ll give u d world o, u go still de suffer. God help us o.
DeleteU should not allow jealousy ruin u. Never ever compare urself with his dad, u re not there when they were stuggling together. His father can have some things u don't have. What nemesis re u talking about coz he opened a shop and d brother is duping him, so he shld not help his brother again. Let him do his part and when d bros mess d chance up it won't be on his conscience again. Like stella said, u have no case as ur sound/tone already shows u re no good in presenting a case. There is a lot of things love can conquer. May be his ur father in law cld release one car to u if u know how to rapor instead of allowing envy as better part of u. I don't want to sound insensitive to ur problem but u must use wisdom. U seem to compare whatever he does for his fam with that of ur fam. Pls don't go ranting this to ur fam and friend. Talk less n manage ur home properly. Discuss why u need to get a job with him and learn how to drive. Humbly share his car with him and he will see d need to buy u one when u stop reminding him of how wicked he is coz he bought a car for his father that already has one meanwhile u re still jumping bus. Some women have 4 or 5 kids with no car n they re happy. Be contented and good things will come ur way.
ReplyDeleteShut d hell up. Or head needs to be checked. Her father-inlaw release a car for her bawo? Do u even know wot a marriage is? Hellooooooooo, here FIL is a 3rd party and whatever is given shed b presented by both parties. Its their money! Most men that have the mentality of my Money, my cat, my house, don't last.... Dats shallow mindset. Your wife is an integral part of you.
DeleteIfeoma, can u take it? Wishing same IJN. women with 10 kids jumping bikes and trailers, who told u dey r happy? She said d man can vryyyy well afford it. Does DAT add up now???
DeleteSure nemesis o! a wife is the help meet not brother why would your wife be at home yet you put urr brother in charge of or business. He his by himself running his own home cos loyal wives like this r hard to come by. Thumbs up for d lady. Keep up the virtues, a million men wishing for your type and wud care for u with their last strength. God bless u!
DeleteShut the hell up Ifeoma u r so shallow minded. SMG. Hypocrites! Can u tink it? Tell or conscience the answer (a man DAT can very well afford it)
DeleteStephanie said:
ReplyDeleteMy dear, i know how bittered you are, but these things will come. If others will wholeheartedly pour out there own experience to you too, you will see that yours is nothing. Marriage is not always a bed of Roses, it takes two to tangle, give it time, pray always and see what God will do. Don't allow common car to break your home, your case sef na moi moi case, carry go!
Stella, I can relate with this lady it is so frustrating, I am walking in similar shoes. It may seem like just a car but it is more than that. My hubby is a nice man at my own expense. I'm quite independent minded and I work even though my salary isn't fantastic, but I'm open about my finances to him until recently I decide to hold back. Most times his cash is a support when I have mine and I don't bother asking. See me o! After about 4 years he bought a car which I less than what I will get for myself, I didn't complain and that was because someone wanted to dispose it, not like he put cash together to buy it. After a while he took without my permission and sold it cos it was becoming problematic and was duped....... Chai! I Don suffer. He didn't show remorse as I would have expected, and saying sorry will make me feel better but few years down d line, nothing and no car. I still dey jump okada and bus, I no complain but it has made me resent him. It easy for people to just say common car, but tell me how will you be happy jumping bus and okada inside rain and sun, silencer burns on your leg yet your hubby drives a car and is not making effort to get you a decent one. I've started putting my resources together to get a decent one, even though I'm not even 10% close but GOD dey. Wetin person no go see for husband house. You people should please not blame this lady or say is it just car, it is painful to walk in those shoes, I've lost a bit of my confidence but then......... make I stop here.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, all men av their mumu buttons, just press it to ask for what yhu want.... Since yhu av married him, Cant say yhu should leave him. Just find a way around it.........
ReplyDeleteIf I cld only afford one car,I'l let my wife have it...I'l rather be hopping on d bike dan have my wife n kids do that
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. The guy is selfish, very selfish and he is taking the wife for granted. Go get a job woman, you need it badly. Get a job to take care of your needs.
DeleteLetz geh married..
Delete*African Barbie..
Hmmm. When I read stories like this, I really want to flog people saying don't break up your marriage beaucze of car. Do u guys not see this is a case of the last straw that broke the Carmel's back? Babe has been putting up with plenty nonsense, and the tiny thing is just what sent her over the edge & she decided goody goody isn't taking her anywhere. Babe, I think u have to renegotiate the terms of this ur marriage, renegotiate am sharp sharp. Na mumu dis man dey take u for, and it won't stop till u are bold enough to demand to be better treated,
ReplyDeleteAsin I'm not telling her to leave her hubby o, but ppl would just come out right and judge the poor lady, even single girls that do not really know what it means
DeleteHaba this man doznt care about his child, since he is ok with his child jumping buses and bikes, he couldn't even collect his fathers old car o, atlst that's something
You all think its easy to be jumping buses with a kid right, I know your family raised you and I get that, and can be put before your wife, but not your kid
Also some men see their wives working as some kinda competition, when truly we do not know what 2mo holds, what if he dies, who would be providing for his wife nd kid, is it his brother that shows no responsibility traits abi his dad, or they expect her to start looking for a job @ that point
We have all seen this whole cliche repeat it self over and over again
Its never about the car, if the Bible tells a man and woman to cling 2geda leaving both parents then I think your wife should come first, after all your should love her the way you love yourself
@poster pls pray about it, and talk to him, if he would not get you stuff, he should let you work to get it for yourself # vanito
UV spoken well pushup. Never knew u were did intelligent. The Woman to Me seems like a vryyyyyyyyy gud lady. Loyalty shouldn't be taken for granted. Can he try such with 'area mamas' why den was the man doing it secretly??? Cos he know sum tin just don't add up abt it. Hypocrites be yabing d babe wen dey can't even take half of it....
DeleteWhen some women say, 'my husband doesn't allow me to work', I just wonder. Did this matter never come up during your courtship?
ReplyDeleteI think you made a mistake by being confontational about your father in law's car gift. Ask for your own and don't ever compare yourself with his parents. You don't know what they went through to bring him up or the promises he made to them. By now, you should have a few tricks on how to get your husband to do your bidding. Purge yourself of the bottled up anger. Humble yourself and talk to your husband. Its his money. As long as you are not working, you are dependent on him.
If all else fails, go to your parents in law and explain your challenges to them. They might even be thinking you are the one using your husband's car.
These are my deductions but I may be wrong:
ReplyDelete1. You are married to an Igbo man( ndi b'anyi na wa!)
2. Your man may not be as educated as you are
3. Your man wants a woman who is totally dependent on him for EVERYTHING
Dont start world war 3....subtly begin to tell let him know you may want to get Busy, lay emphasis more on the fact that the idleness and lack of mental activity don dey kill you. Methinks you need a job first, once you are empowered economically you can take care of YOUR own extended family and loose any form of bitterness towards him.
Get busy..
Oh please don't go there!
DeleteAm married to an igbo man and from the day I married him I can't remember what bus and okada is, I graduated from cabs to my own car 5months into the marriage which was a birthday gift.
And before u talk, I have a very good paying job and my husband takes care of me and our son like no tomorrow
Madam, you have no problem.you sound like a very rude wife to your in-laws.i've seen a woman with 3children still flying bike and keke,pls take things easy he will one day surprise you with your. @uyai
ReplyDeleteOkay yeye dey smell, when you get married, let your wife trek with 7kids from kubwa to nyanya that's your bizwax
DeleteSo because your parents suffered for you then you should suffer your wife and kids, how has that solved everything, when the 2 can benefit
True talk.be patient n let him know u really need one.goodluck
ReplyDeleteD problem here is not car. The problem is dat she is d least priority to her husband, dat man didnt marry u for love and i presume d age diff is high, u r just one of the objects in his house n if u want to stay in that marriage, that has to change. Ve a heart to heart talk with ur hubby, if he doesnt change, talk to his closest friend next, if dat doesnt work, talk to his parents, but amidst all these make it a serious prayer point and please start looking for a job, u dnt ve to tell him till it clicks. And my final advice is dat u pretend to fall sick n talk to ur doctor to give u bedrest for two or three days n leave d baby with him, dat way he ll experience little of wat u go thru n ll knw d importance of having help at home. I knw u r d type dat forms strong woman, men take advantage of such women, its better to act like an egg from day one so he ll treat u like one.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm at my best at home, my husband surprises me with gifts beyond what I asked for.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm being unnecessarily stubborn, uncooperative and aggressive, he withdraws all priviledges.
Madam, let go of your anger. Haba! For 2 years, you are bottling up negative thoughts against your husband, father in law and brother in law. I can just imagine your attitude in the home. If you don't change back for the better, the next car might be for your husband's mistress.
Stella if I fail my masters after payin millions and enduring this untold cold and its accompanying lonliness na the fault of your sweet blog o. I need help...really!!! God pls oo. Can you ban me from your blog?? Like with a court order, cos thts the only way I can stay away...lol #just joking.
ReplyDeletePoster for God's sake talk to ur husband! I still keep wondering the thing in this world tht I can't discuss with my boo *shrugs* maybe cos we re nt married yet, but we re soo open nd free with each other now....unless marriage will change us. God forbid! If your husband were your bff you won't be having this issue, imagine bottling this up for 2yrs. How do u sleep with him kwanu?? Ladies be very wise nd prayerful oo...me tht hates controversy? Will bottle up this for 2yrs? I will become depressed na!
All the best!!!
He may have even ordered for ur own car but with ur attitude, he can cancel it. Pls be patient in ur marriage. If that car was bought for ur own family, will u complain d way u re now. Pls pray for God to bless ur family n prosper u n ur family, look up to God.
ReplyDeleteWhy sound like he is doing her a favour???? Heloooooooo, she's d mother of his kids
DeleteWomen, don't do mumu and enter marriage. Tell the man you must work, tell the man your people must be taken care of...set freaking boundaries. Haba Lady you brought all this on yourself by being too doormat-ish. Stella, all she can do is try to appeal to this control freak of a man.
ReplyDeleteI can not fault him for honoring his parents and taking care of his family, they are his family. You are too but as you can see you are not top of the food chain to him. Get yourself some sort of business plan, propose it to him and make your own money. By His grace I will not stay unemployed in this my marital home. Men are funny with how they can switch on you chei.
Can't u people denotes from this woman's mail that this is beyond just a car issue? C'mon, this woman is neglected and see as a nobody even in her husband's house. My advice for you sweety, pick up ur certificate and get a good job (I pray God gives u one). Then tell ur husband u are working either he likes it or not. So that u can take care of urself and ur family. #kapish#. Stella, am disappointed at ur reply.....am sure if u are in this lady's shoe, u would not only av declared war but a serious battle by now.
ReplyDeleteWhich better plan, some men are like that. Sometimes one has to do gra gra to get something from thier husband.Mine also does that he finds it difficult giving me or my relative things expect I use force to get it out from him.But if it's his family members or outsiders, my hubby is father Xmas.
ReplyDeletepls forget about the car
ReplyDeleteMadam sounds. Like ya hubby don't trust You with issues he doesn't trust You enough for a car and a business how matured do You handle things? Sounds like You don't. He hasn't seen that level of maturity in You if he does he will trust You with a business. How You approach things matter too. Let him see reasons of how stressful it is for he's son to be jumping bus and taxis don't even ask for a car ask him for a driver to drop him off at work and come back and take You and He's son around and go and pick him afterwards it will be inconvenient for him and he will get you your own car. When you present issues to him present them as how they will better the family and not just You. Tell him how beneficial a second income will be to the family, tell him how you feel you don't give him all the attention you can give him because of the house work tell him how you don't have time for each other again because of chores. And above all madam HAVE A FORGIVING SPIRIT! The sun should not set twice on a misunderstanding learn to let yesterday's beef be yesterday's beef.
ReplyDeleteabeggi...try and get a job honey. He obviously doesn't have respect and regards for him since he knows you are dependent on him.
ReplyDeleteshe just said her own part of the story ,let her husband say his,,this story looks somehow jarreh
ReplyDeletebeing stupidly holy at a time like this is a terrible thing to do, better threaten to leave that house, because GOD will not help u do what he believes u can do by yourself. my advise to you is this, sit him down and talk, and I mean talk not whisper due to fears because I mostly give my gf what she requests and we men could have a very good heart at times, so if u tell him all you have done for him and let him see reasons as to why you should have a damn car, besides you sef have kept quiet for too long so its your fault kindof. if he still doesn't get u the car after telling him, madam leave the house cos you're a first class slave.
ReplyDeleteI believe u saw somethings in him that made u say 'Yes' dnt give up on him cos I still believe the key to d problem is "Communication"..and d way u bring up the issue and when matters too,i pray God give u d Wisdom to handle it*hugs
ReplyDeleteLet's b truthful here madam ur husband is wicked , a car is a neccesity not a luxury if he must knw , how can he buy d dad a 2nd car wen u have none? Nd he's comfortable wit u jumping buses wit his son? Some men re just funny sha. I knw of a couple dat d hubby uses keke just to make his wife nd kid comfortable , marriage is abt sacrifice biko. I rest my case.
ReplyDeleteTrueeeeee talk ms k. The woman try and to think she's so smart. Imaginne if she attempts to put DAT degree to work cos I deduced she's lived an upright life and God knows how to compensate such women!
DeleteAlso,i knw it's very frustrating when you need something and ur Hussy is giving it out bt u have to be patient noni and ur parent issue too,u need to let him knw he shld tk care of both parents so His Blessings can be complete since u ain't working....
ReplyDeleteHello confused wife, I feel sad for you cos with a child its so not easy jumping buses and bikes. Don't let a man turn you in to something you are not. You are brillant, beautiful, intelligent.... Pls follow these advice
ReplyDeleteTry and step down from your agression and become submissive.
Have a plan to have a source of income. Whenever he gives you money save some for yourself and don't be afraid to tax him heavily after all he has turned you in to this.
Above all always say this prayer everyday: father God pls take possession of my thots, words, actions, body, soul. Believe me that prayer works. I am a living testimony to that. Whenever you say that prayer with sincerity you will see that when you are relating with people that human in you takes a back seat and the voice of God will speak through you. Once God speaks through you believe me it will be like you did juju for your husband like some pple think I did for mine.
All the best.
Taaa,he has no better plan. Some men think dy did u gud by marrying u,dy r v.selfish n will accuse u of infidelity if ur nt careful.Newayz,dnt break ur home,rather pray v.well b/4 u tuk. Gods grace
ReplyDeleteGod forbid. Car no be minor issue. Which kind husband be that? Your husband is mean and shameless. A real man will make sure his wife and kid are ok and safe.
ReplyDeleteI don't get this oh. He cares for his family more than yours and won't allow u work too so you can earn and get the comforts you need? Well when he told you not to work from d start u should have told him all u needed and reach an agreement with him. If its all about car maybe u should go learn to drive then take d car out whenever u like while he jumps bus.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, first things first - God grant you the ability to accept the things you cannot change!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, don't keep hurting yourself with the comparisons you are making. You need to understand your position as a wife. You are one and the same with your husband. For example, if you can drive, then your husband's car is your car and you can take it out with the child. Your husband's loss in the shop is your loss and you should be sad about it. Come out of it! You're his wife!! He chose to marry you
Thirdly, a wife is the builder at home and dictates with her attitude and prayers, what happens there. Take that position fully. You are lacking behind
Oh! How I wish I could have a one - on - one with this lady!
U saw their norms and u accepted it. Find a way of fitting in. Work on ur hubby to empower u. U know what touches his heart,use it.he will come arnd. Then be good,he will get u ur own car soon.Don't compete with his family,it will be misconstrued. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteHaba! Ova 2 yrs of jumping bikes and buses. Which kain plan be dat? My dear d only ting dat can work 4 u now is prayers. God is ur strength
ReplyDeleteThis is sorta funny to me cos is the exact opposite that's going on with my family,I was very close to my big brother to the extent he begged me to pick a wife for him or ok the ones he knows,I stupidly okayed one witch BeninGirl he found cos she seems very quite and timid then,we re abt the same age,fast forward 6months she's pregnant,then wedding the next year my 50yr old mother died frm hrt failure frm no where,as soon as she was out of the pic my BigBro turned against everyone including my dad,just today he bought a car for d mother inlaw and the wife has a car he already bought for her oh,while he told my dad that he won't even give him any dime cm 2014 that I shuld go n die while he started a biz for d wife's mum and sister,lucky for me his not my only brother. Its well
ReplyDeleteYour case no be anything na. Na my-my case. That's his new family. Gaan marry.
DeleteDont worry wait your turn sebi you too will marry then you will know how it feels. Dont go and marry n get job mtchewwwwww stupid inlaws
DeleteVery bad thing. So it's okay for him to take care of his wife 'a family and abandon his own family? That ur brother is under the influence of something as he was close to his parents and siblings before. Keep praying for him. Which son in his normal senses tells his dad he won't give him a dime while he spends on his wife pple. All of u telling her to go and marry, u pple need it think straight.
DeleteThe only thing I can say is I feel your pain! I'm sure you must have talked to him about it,(after all you said so) so telling you to talk to him about it is beating around the bush! Please don't break up your home, I know how frustrating not having a car can be especially when you know your hubby can afford to get you one! Put a lot of effort into getting a job, then when you have already gotten one tell him that you're determined to work, either with his permission or not, but you would prefer having his permission! Since he doesn't take care of your parents like he does his, then you have to do it yourself! But don't fight him oh, use any means necessary to maintain peace in your home while all this is going on! Even if it means being a fool for him, keeping quiet when he is talking, s*x, whatever! Just make sure there is peace in your home and do your underground work! Hopefully God will bless you with a good job soon! Take care and try to remain strong!
ReplyDeleteVisit koolblend.blogspot.com for true life stories you can't afford to miss!
Kool blend u said it just right. It difficult handling such situation. D best u can do is try get job and take care of u n ur parents. D man obviously knows wat he is doing, but I know he will sure come back to his senses, but I hope is not late for him den. If u don't do sometin now, it will sure affect ur kids, I ve bin tru dat dear. So I know wat I am saying. Be wise, do not break ur home, but him in prayer ok.
DeleteStay strong.
ReplyDeleteLOOL this blog is funny as hell
Stella u av spoken well oya com chop knuckle
ReplyDeletePoster ur husband is jes being insensitive! to ur needs.Aw cn he allow u jump buses wi ur baby/pregnancy wen he cn afford buyin u a car?na wa oh..its so nt right ma dear! Gone r d days wen cars r seen as luxury. It's a necessity goddamit! Plus considering ur situatn. Haba! Oga fear God + ur conscience na.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but she has a valid point. A good man would not allow his wife to struggle with buses and bikes with a CHILD while he buys a second car for his own father. That is pure selfishness
ReplyDeleteHowever, two wrongs can never make a right . He's your husband and you should know how to state your case without worsening the situation.
You need to talk to your husband in a very calm and nice way... Don't carry the hurt and anger on your face while you do... Best of luck o.
ReplyDeletePray Pray Pray!!
ReplyDeleteGod can do all things & pls discuss dis job issue with him, u need a job
Madam, you just hve to be patient. I ve alwys been an advocate of newly weds living togeda at least for d next 3yrs alone to blend and really understnd each other. Its obvious frm ur write up dat u didn't court ur hubby for long and discuss isues like who wil be alowd to live wif u or beter stil take ur stand on certain issues before marriage. U jumped d basic steps u ought to ve taken and my dear gra gra can't bring it back. Kip talkn to ur hubby abt ur concerns wif love and prayers cos I tel u as a married woman speakn frm experience, make God d bedrock of ur marriage. In conclusion, ur hubby needs to be more sensitive, loving and should respect ur views as his better half. I pray God touches him soon and make ur marriage enjoyable. Much love.....
ReplyDeleteBetter plan like what really? A man that can't share his one cent won't share his millions. Generosity is not always about how much you have but what you can share, what you can give out; it's an attitude. How can a man who can afford an extra car allow his wife to go on buses with their child? While he goes around in "his" car? My dear, like you have been told, do not break your marriage over a car. That would be extremely stupid. But if you're still wondering why your husband obviously does not respect you with all the academic accomplishments you have then i cannot help you.
ReplyDeleteI've been married for two years with a baby and pregnant for the second. My hubby has not bought me a car yet but he bought one for his mom. I've no problem with this she probably deserves it and I just concluded my masters abroad which he paid for. Now I hear him talking about getting a car but for himself!!!!! Am not quarreling over this, I know I won't drive his present car. I have focused my hurt on giving myself a target for the next two years to improve my life; save money and get a great job. Right now am not looking at what my hubby can do or buy for me but what u can do for myself. Men are difficult, make life easy on yourself by looking out for YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it. You will get a good job by his grace. I look out for me myself and I and I take good care of my mum. Some men are just too selfish.
DeleteHonest truth......he z plain stingy. Dats d honest truth my dear
ReplyDeletePrayer and Patient is the key.....if a home is peaceful kudos to the woman and if it's opposite, is the woman again. You need to do your duty as a wife....forget all he has done to hurt you, treat him a your king and continue to pray for him; sooner than you think he'll see reasons and reciprocate all the love you shower on him. He is probably studying you to know the kind of wife he has, if you are after material things or not. Keep your cool don't lose your home over this minor/material things! May GOD keep your home and make you happy.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. He's studying you'. You study during courtship not marriage. If you're single, please don't ever think its a test. Only boys use that as an excuse. It also means I did it without thinking of you. Now I remember you, I'm not sorry but I still want you around.
DeleteMadam, why are you bothered, my advice to you is to stop entering buses and start taking cabs, he can afford it, so please start spending that money until he realises it will be cheaper to get you a car than taking taxi..............
ReplyDeleteSDK post comments nah!!!! Or re u busy with christmas shopping?
ReplyDeleteTell it to God. Calling his attention to this alone is not enough. Wish u well.
ReplyDeleteYou almost graduated with a first class? In what? Nursing? Or which university? You are a liar... My sister your English is a mess. Terrible!
ReplyDeleteTruth is, different people have different issues. Some of us are single and wish to be married so for those of you married, deal with whatever it brings your way. Atleast he is not sleeping with your sister or cousin, he is not asking for your money, not beating you, not starving you of sex... Keep praying. Only God can change his mind.
Some sad woman there!
DeleteYou are obviously sick. What has her English gotten to do with the topic? Quit being insulting. So sure if you read nursing, you would have been unable to graduate,and for your information, English language is taught in primary and secondary schools not university.
DeleteLastly, sorry about your sad life.
I'm sorry about how you feel! See the truth is men can be very funny, what your husband is doing is honestly not fair! He's a carefree and heartless person.... he doesn't care about you I must say, but love conquers all, take time to speak with him, when he's really in the right mood. it may yield something positive, or better still break his rules by getting a job if he's not ready to take care of you and your responsibilities... Pele dear
ReplyDeletehmmm. i'm jez gona seat bak and wait for comments cos i'm still a learner.i will probably do worse if i were in her shoes.dont 4get i'm still a learner.so teach me sdkites!!!
ReplyDeleteAsk and it shall be given unto you.... Whatever u want, ask for it.... If he doesn't give u den u know he's bein unreasonable...if you really want to work talk to him as calmly and as reasonable as possible...dnt take d agressive stance,it'll solve nothing.. It is well u..
ReplyDeleteB.U.K
Patience and prayers,that's all u need.a wise woman builds her home and a foolish woman tears hers down. #my2cents
ReplyDeleteNeny....its either you are blind or high on camel's piss! Which mumu plan ar u talking about?
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all!
ReplyDeleteYour husband sounds like an illiterate onitsha trader! I say this without any prejudice, I grew up there so I know what they are like.
ReplyDeleteyou need to sit him down and show him how much you and his child are suffering.
If he doesn't listen nne get a job that's what your parents paid school fees for
SDK chop e-knuckle! @poster, if you love your home follow sdk's advise to d latter.
ReplyDeleteJust relax u know men,maybe he has a beter plan 4 u ok,u luv him just be prayin dat he will c reasons ad one day all dis thins u will have dem ok,don querrl wit him oo,he will be d person to act fast,he has a consince,he knows wot he's doin,so be bearin it,one day u will c 4 urself i tell u,gud luck.
ReplyDeleteVery painful.....but my dear, ignore him. Act normal. Difficult, yes, but try! Try!!! ......tryto carry on like "no issues" .
ReplyDeletedont nag him, dont fight him. Maintain being a good wife. (Just try cos this is a very difficult strategy but it works wonders)
Your acting calm will make him turn around. Trust me. Its called "sensible mumu"
Acting calm can't change anything, only prayer can turn him around. He is just a mean man.
DeleteHmm...this one don pass me ooo since I'm nt even married.
ReplyDeleteWell, all I'd say is that you should take it easy with him.
About the job,I want to believe you guys talked about it before u finally goT married and you agreed to the terms. I know its not easy yeah but sweetheart be patient with him.
D same tin is happening with my parents till date, I wonder what went wrong, I still pray for them everyday, hopefully one day dey would reconcile, 20years running and dey r having dis same car issue, my dear I still wonder if I can cope in my hubby's house, if I eventually marry, let's here wat oda's have to say
ReplyDeleteHey! Calm the hell dowm! Your husband probably feels he owes his dad a lot hence he got him the car.I can conclude your hubby loves family and that's not a bad trait. My mum always told us,a man who is not close or generous to his family,won't be to you too;cos invariably,you will end up family.You already feel hard done by and that's bad for your husband's "glory".Agreed,he may be going too far with largess to his side of the family,that's is why you need a lot of bible wisdom to deal with this. Already,you have talked with him 'politely(???)' ...Now its time to really pray about it . Pray for him to appreciate your needs.The non spiritual angle to helping yourself to a car for starters, is to adopt reverse psychology that will get your hubby eating from your palms. Stop complaining and instead brave a smile when he gives to 'them'. Commend him for being the good son and brother. Hail am like say you be area boy.Hide the pain with all your will power. Before you kn it,you will be a car owner.What if a car wasn't given out in the forst place to anyone.won't you still hop buses with a baby? Women who get bitter when their spouses enable his family,don't go far in the marriage.The resentment keeps growing. Bone the matter! Life is in phases.If this is your problem,you nor get any.Take kia.
ReplyDeleteWat r u talkin abt?
DeleteI will like to know certain things. 1) do u knoww how to drive? If No, pls enrol in a driving school ASAP. If yes, then start sharing his car with him...not in a "struggle" kind of way o, just do it quietly and that way u make it obvious that u've been suffering the "no car" state!
ReplyDelete2) Did u guys agree b4 marriage that u won't work? If Yes, sorry, there's not much u can do about it. If No, then start putting out applications to organizations and letting him know u are not okay with been a house wife! I personally think been a house wife is the most difficult task, I can't last greater than 2wks! I will put up such a horrible attitude that my husband will be the one looking for job for me!
I can imagine how pained u are, I don't think its fair that He doesn't want u to get a help if u guys can afford it. Make him see reasons. Wish u all the best...
PS: its not enof reason to leave ur marriage o, because am sure u saw all these attributes in him b4 now and felt it will pass away.... God's Grace...
Poster Read this advice, Especially the Sharing Car part.
DeleteHez selfish, he's supposed to give her the car and ride the bus. Afterall, it's his child. Or they shld come up with a sharing formular jare. I'm pissed right now. Mtchwwwwwww
ReplyDeleteOmo the tin no gel jor! Omo go hustle car, hw can u be on bus nd bikes 4 2years! Jeez
ReplyDeleteU better shine ur eyes nd start making plans 2 secretly buy land nd build a house somewhere, den get something doing cos he will soon see u as a liability
ReplyDeleteWOMEN! WOMEN! WOMEN!!!
ReplyDeletePlease for crying out loud let no man sweet talk you into accepting to be a full house wife, imediately you allow that you are doomed no matter how rich he his you will still live poor!!!!! The problem you are having now is as a result of you sitting at home doing nothing(and hey! Don't give the excuse that you do all the chores). The only way out of this mess is to get your arse out of the house and get a job ASAP, and if you can't find any, start one. You could sell provision, just do something and make sure you have a place to go each morning and trust me every other thing shall beging to make sense.
Paragon7ven.
WOMEN! WOMEN! WOMEN!!!
ReplyDeletePlease for crying out loud let no man sweet talk you into accepting to be a full house wife, imediately you allow that you are doomed no matter how rich he his you will still live poor!!!!! The problem you are having now is as a result of you sitting at home doing nothing(and hey! Don't give the excuse that you do all the chores). The only way out of this mess is to get your arse out of the house and get a job ASAP, and if you can't find any, start one. You could sell provision, just do something and make sure you have a place to go each morning and trust me every other thing shall beging to make sense.
Paragon7ven.
Ive been married for 31 years and my marriage is still going on strong. Please do not let us trivilise this issue by saying it is about a car. No it is not, it is about the principle behind it. Why would a man watch his pregnant wife struggling to enter taxi and Molue and then when he had money, he went ahead and bought a car for the dad instead of his wife. It is outright selfishness, lack of consideration for the wife and I don't think she should take this lying down. He is indirectly telling her his family will always come first. Is that what his Pastor told him during the counselling period before marriage. The bible says the man leaves home and cleaves to his wife, meaning after God comes his wife!! Sister, let your husband know this right from the start of your marriage otherwise you are in for more shocking iltreatment. May God give you the strength to iron this out so that it does not become a habit in your home!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you mummy! Take my seat and a glass of gold spot. Tell them. You start for morning to take nonsense in your marriage. You go dey bear am. Marriage no be onugbu.
DeleteThanks so much for this comment ma, I don't know the reason why people are so myopic about this matter, it's far beyond car issue what I see here is a man that is married but to his family and not his wife. Whatsoever a man want to do for his family after marriage must be what he n his wife have discussed and agreed on, beside there is a rule in my house whatsoever my husband want to do for his parents he must do n likewise me whenever I want to buy stuffs for my mum I buy 2 cause once they are married both parents become their parent. I want to assume that you didn't marry your husband just because of his money, if so you have to change your mindset n know that you can get for yourself whatever you are expecting someone to get for you, call your husband when he is happy let him know how much you love him n his family n also let him starts taking your family as his own since he is married to you n let him know your needs. If he refused to get them for you let him know that you want to start working so that u won't bother him again. But make sure you pray very well before you discuss with him n be a good wife to your in law. God help you
DeleteWell said!
DeleteDear poster pls jus remove ur mind frm d car n do as if it dosnt bother u,believe me he will get u one,I did dat to my hubby infact he was driving 2 cars n I was using buses n cabs until he surprise me wit a jeep dis year.jus quit complaining abt d car then u can politely talk to him abt work n finance,xplain to him d implications,weda he want u n his child to suffer aboveall seek for wisdom frm God.
ReplyDeleteUr hubby is kinda selfish though..Nt jst cos of d car buh oda stuffs u stated here..He seems more advanced and exposed than u are..Plz, talk 2 him affectionately and trust me he'ld listen 2 u..Men re like babies..Dnt make urself a stranger in ur own home by making out issues wia there is none..
ReplyDelete*African Barbie..
Ur hubby is wicked oh..how can he buy a car for his dad and his wife and son fly okada nd keke..lmaooo..u caused all this,becos u settled for it from the beginning...ur husband has seen u like one big mugu that he can control the way he likes."don't work,no family allowed,no car for u till I say so"and anything that makes u rebel now will result in domestic violence..so my dear prayer is the key..pray for wisdom..nd try talking to him calmly..
ReplyDeleteCheck this scripture and use to pray. "As the deer panted for the waters so my soul longeth after thee" tell God to make ur husbands soul to pant for u as the deer panted for waters. And watch what will happen. I speak from experience
ReplyDeleteFrom day 1 why didn't u complain abt the job issue. U allowed that happen to u.
ReplyDeleteWheeeeeew...all these things make me very scared of marriage. May God help you and I believe you will receive more mature advice here. Take care.
ReplyDeleteAeegurl
Get urself a job so u can afford the things you need. All hes doing is using money as a means of controlling you. There's no point him telling you not to work and he's not taking care of all the responsibilities. Love snd respect yr husband but never let him hv full control of ur life.
ReplyDeleteJust talk to him about it or you request for a car.My hubby used to give me cash for my hair before o,all of a sudden my Ololufe just stopped I dint bother cos I'm working so I can afford it.One day his sister asked for money to make hair and he said she is my sister now I have to give her,Omo kiakia I asked for my own the next day and I was given.Babe don't break your home o. Wish you luck jare
ReplyDeleteTalk to him. Discuss with him that you want to place your child in nursery, that you want to start working as you want to help your parents financially and you want to start saving to buy a car for the daily hassle. You don't have to argue or fight with him unless he object your suggestion, then you have to talk common sense to him.
ReplyDeleteFrom d look of things its obvious ur hubby is self centered, but not withstanding, prayer changes a lot of things, continue 2b d good wife u've alwez bin n God will step in2 d situation, #prayerWorks#
ReplyDeleteDid he give u any reason(s) why you shouldn't have your own car? I don't understand how he will watch you fly okada and buses with a baby and not be worried.
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me, I'll say this story doesn't add up. Some links are missing.
Men are very wicked. My bf of some years now spends on his family a lot and not me, am not bothered bcus I work in a big company and independent. I never depend on guys at all and it pains him dat I form madam independent. He doesnt give me and doesnt want me to work. I love him but wont dance to his tune.
ReplyDeleteGo for marriage counseling preferably in a church and bring all these up.
ReplyDeleteYou will be surprised e will have his reasons for doing all that. And he wil think they are valid reasons. A pastor brings the Bible in. Which kind of teaches you both what you should do in a marriage.
And keep praying. You can invest in the book 'power of a praying wife'
Ur hubby bought a car 4d father ure complaining, u neva see d one wey go buy 4 girl/friend... And wots wit d complain abt goin 2d market n antenatal? My mother carried all of us on foot while she was pregnant, 2d church n even 2d mkt so u wouldn't b d 1st, brace up ursef n b happy...
ReplyDeleteFrom d look of things its obvious ur hubby is self centered, but not withstanding, prayer changes a lot of things, continue 2b d good wife u've alwez bin n God will step in2 d situation, #prayerWorks#
ReplyDeleteSo she shd be treated like a slave, if u have nothing to say go and sleep..
ReplyDeleteYou are a very foolish woman I pray God gives ur Husband the wisdom to know he married the wrong woman so he can leave U !!!! Do you know his father put him through school and all and U don't want his son to show him appreciation .. Do you realise that you and your husband have more years ahead of you than he and his dad..
ReplyDeleteYou are obviously a fool for that comment! It's not the car that's the issue but the fact that she's not priority on his list. I dated someone like that before I got married he had 4 sisters we were virtually living together self.. 2 of them were married their husbands weren't poor oh but he still gives them 20k each for hair monthly. If you enter him car, he go b like say he dey sell recharge card.. he sends them all 750 card weekly. He gives me 5k if I ask for hair money that's even if he gives @ all he will claim am prettier with my natural hair! Imagine the rubbish. All this one no pain me oh until when my mum was hospitalised with diabetics I asked him for 20k and he claimed no cash only for me to overhear him on d phone to his mum that he has sent 'monthly hair money' there and then I broke up with him. Even him mama come beg my mama for haus I no gree and I was wearing the asshole's ring up and down. Mscheeew
DeleteMy dear, the guy is taking you for granted, but I will advise you to pray and be patient. He might have a good plan in mind. Its a two way thing, I have a sis that was pregnant and entering bus and stuff like that, my sis and bros were all angry considering that her husband can afford to buy her a car. But to our surprise when she put to bed, he bought her a brand new 2013 Honda. Since then, I don't judge people especially men when they delay buying their wives a car. On the other hand, my anger is not letting your siblings to come and stay in home meanwhile his bros lives with you guys. That's not cool. But in all, be patient and pray for wisdom. All the best dear.
ReplyDeleteSee, this is the bullshit I hate. Marriage is supposed to uplift a woman in every way. Lady, seek work to help yourself, Your husband is tightfisted, and is not interested in giving you any natural comfort, you can't get car, you can't get helper, you can't get nothing that will give you any comfort. Please I beg you do something for yourself. If jobs are hard to come by in your field of study, then use your natural talents and do something; event planning, cake baking/decorating, tutoring..etc. The man says his money is for him and his family and the fact that he give you a place to live and food is supposed to suffice. What if he brings in second wife, or put you out the house? you will have nothing to show for this marriage. And if he was to die tomorrow the brother would claim the business, and I wouldn't be surprised if his family wouldn't kick you out the house, because he has set up things that way. Woman, woman, use wisdom!
ReplyDeleteIts important u work my dear.Pray about it first then talk to your hubby.Send applications to companies that u think may employ you.As regards the car,i honestly think it should have been u first but since ur hubby chose ur father-in-law,ignore it n be happy about it.Ur time will surely come too.Try ur best to be good to ur hubby cos u'll reap what u sow.If u sow love,u'll reap it.Don't fight him or be a nagging wife.Nagging wives always have problems with their marriages.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing constant in this world is change.Ur brother-in-law will leave ur house someday,he can't live with u forever.Try ur best to tolerate him n pray for patience.Remember that meekness is not weakness,it's controlled strength.
Prayers+Patience work wonders in marriages.It has worked n it's still working for me.
Thanks for speaking to me. I console myself everyday and pray my 3 kids will be great tomorrow to take care of me just as their dad is taking care of his family. Surprisingly I chant this everyday to his amusement. And I know God will answer my cries. This yankee no easy. Come to talk of hubby sending money every minute to his mom n married sisters. While my mom just keep praying for us...thanks
Deletehe is a very selfish man! kilode? you should have noticed some of those things in him during your courtship now, i am not married dunno what else to say o
ReplyDeletePlease all of u saying this is a minor issue should hold it right there! The man is very selfish period! This is the reason why I don't listen to anyone asking me "when are we going to wear asoebi bla bla bla" because achoghim inu story in the name of marriage. Till I get a very good job that can allow me buy or provide for my parents d way I want I'm going nowhere.I can't imagine after suffering to get my masters one man will tell me to sit at home and start chopping rubbish. Women insist on wat u want before marriage do not waive it aside because once u don enter u no get mouth again! My dear poster this ur hubby's attitude agafela be careful. Insist on getin a job if not ur 2nd name na sorry.
ReplyDeleteAs Johnny walker said... Keep on walking... Who really cares... Shey you wanted husband.. Well that's the package it came in..
ReplyDeleteSome women are just lazy, you are educated and your husband said you should sit at home and you did? OLODO!
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, your husband is a wicked man.some men are just protective and don't want their wives to work and stress themselves.If that was the case,he'll get you a small car and a driver and open one small store for you.any man that is comfortable and Lets his wife and child jump bus and bike deserves to be flogged.
ReplyDeleteHmnnnnnnnnn.... Men shaaaaa! Everyone defending the man in question I wish u same and much more IJN. Ignoramus. If d table was turned can u take such? Pretenders, bloody hypocrites. The bible says for this cause shall two become one. An yet to see d oneness in this story but a one sided selfish man. Pls who does that?
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Being a married mother enjoying the privileges of marriage, I have this to say.... It is better to remain single (if u get the power o!) than to get married. Marriage is TOUGH! But no one tells you until you experience it. I can understand her frustration. God help us all!
ReplyDeleteI think your first mistake was attacking him cos he got a car for his dad. That was wrong, there were better ways to handle the matter. Your priority now should be how to get a source of income; we live in uncertain times. Empower yourself... Also tame ur anger, don't build up resentment. Always think before you act. God is your strength
ReplyDeleteHe that is down needs fear no fall
ReplyDeleteHe that is low no pride,
He that is humble ever shall,
Have God to be his pride,
I am content with wat I have,
Little be it or much,
And Lord contentment still I crave,
Because that savest such.
Dear Poster, do not mind all these people telling you rubbish o.
Be contented, its just two years and you have a really long way to go.
Wish u all d best. - Desire
He that is down needs fear no fall
ReplyDeleteHe that is low no pride,
He that is humble ever shall,
Have God to be his pride,
I am content with wat I have,
Little be it or much,
And Lord contentment still I crave,
Because that savest such.
Dear Poster, do not mind all these people telling you rubbish o.
Be contented, its just two years and you have a really long way to go.
Wish u all d best. - Desire
He that is down needs fear no fall
ReplyDeleteHe that is low no pride,
He that is humble ever shall,
Have God to be his pride,
I am content with wat I have,
Little be it or much,
And Lord contentment still I crave,
Because that savest such.
Dear Poster, do not mind all these people telling you rubbish o.
Be contented, its just two years and you have a really long way to go.
Wish u all d best. - Desire
Most things that happen in marriage at one time or the other manifested in courtship. Just as I knew my husband was a smoker before I got married to him, I would even buy him lighters n al but after a few in marriage, I requested he stopped smoking. Would that work? That's totally selfish. I'm sure you'd have seen signs of how much ur husband loved his family n even put em over you and ur needs, my dear don't complain about the obvious anymore, fight for ur head. Imagine if ur enemy loses her husband today, pls what will u fall back on? U need a source of income my dear, even if u have to be saving bits from grocery bills, try to get sth going for ursef, it is well darling. Please be prayerful! A praying wife keeps her home and the joy of the lord never leaves her.
ReplyDeleteAre you people stupid or you all plain can't read? Is this only about a car? He has bought two cars for his father, don't allow her work, doesn't take care of her people and you open your mouth Stella to say she want to cause trouble in her marriage cos of a car? How has she declared war? Her husband is self centered and has refused to take care of her.....you must work cos he won't change....report him to an older family member or a pastor over both of you.....he has to review his draconian laws....while you don not have to declare war he needs to know that he must shift the rules on certain issues If not you will continue to be used and treated anyhow.....submission is not stupidity oh and a man who fears God will love his wife like the church....hardly will u show a woman love and respect wey she no go lick your yansh with submission....pls wake up so you don't continue in frustration and explode one day...
ReplyDeleteBebe r you an idiot and retarded.....you obviously cannot read English....the father inlaw already has a car and the husband nought him another one while the wife buses around? God punish that your mouth for saying she is selfish....the bible says leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife.....his priority is to his wife first.....she must be comfortable.....I do not see anything selfish with what she wants.....he does not want anybody in the house yet his brother is with them.....he does not want her to work yet does nothing for heron family? Gosh u are so unreal with your comments and I pity the woman who will marry u if you are a man....if you are a woman may u marry a man who will do same to you 100 fold.....u people will not read well and understand but will come here and open your yeye mouth and vomit rubbish ....
ReplyDeleteM-amine it's official that you are retarded, a fool and have no sense.....Olodo wey no sabi read......stupid liar who claims you are married....idiot, your comments irritate me to my bone marrow.......she told u about herself so you know where she is coming from....she made a first class thus she can get a good job with that certificate but the man has refused her to work......does that say she is not ready to work? Do u read with your brain on reverse? Foolish girl before you comment next time, pUse and think first....oloshi alakori
ReplyDeleteOur Nigeria women can complain for Olympic,notting men do thats ok with u ladies. Even most people here can't even hold a relationship talk less of marriage but when husband and wife issue comes up they rush to say leave the man he is no good. Some of u take all manner of shit from ur boyfriends and hubbys but still give ill advise to others (SAINTS). U started as a dependant to a man so what do u expect? even if the man gives ur family all his money he will still be useless man to u & still complain. I have lived with a woman that i even took care of the younger once and never hard my family members live with me for once still where did i end,waste of fund. Abeg live all this stories d way u make ur bed u lay on it. my new motto is none of my girl family will live with me, none of my family will live with me in any marriage. No marriage to a woman from a broken home, no spending of my cash on her family unless when need be out of my wish,parents must be comfortable not pain in the ass like many in laws. No woman with large family bc u end up being father christmas.
ReplyDeleteLeave ur man bc of ur nonsense story and end up on the street like most here looking for husband, better still go and look for job bc ur problem now is ur making from start. I hate d word house wife not in my dictionary.
Dont worry i pray for you in Jesus name that you give birth to 4 girls & everything you have listed here they will face it AMEN.
DeleteIdiot talking out of his ass.....all your daughters are NEXT!
Like everyone said, get a job.
ReplyDelete1) He bought it secretly
2) FIL is greedy because I dont see how the man with a clear conscience wont have reminded the guy that his wife doesnt have a car
3) Hubby was like this before you married him, you chose to marry him unfortunately so have to deal with it.
Dear poster, ℓ̊ think your husband has been jazzed (juju) by his people coz ℓ̊ see no reason why your husband should behave the way he his, Omo girl wake up na jet age we dey so, am nt saying he should not make his family comfortable buh right now he is married his wife shld come first, if he is mentally alright he would have been diplomatic in his decision making........o baby odikwa very RISKY
ReplyDeleteI think this man is very wicked and even the father too, why would he allow his wife, whom he promised to love and cherish walks around with pregnancy while he gets his father a second car!!! Can d father drive the two cars at once?
ReplyDeleteMy father will not even take the car from me if she's aware my wife dosent have, coz he cherishes his own wife more than any of us children and his family, my father bought a brand new jeep for her and uses a fairly used car jst to save her from stress!!!
But since it has happened, u have to let ur husband know how u feel, so he won't do same next time, but as for taking care of ur family, its not his obligation to take care of them, if he has enough money he can help out, its not mandatory!!!
The issue here shouldn't be about car, is about not letting you work. My dear the only thing you have to fight for is to start working. if you work , you can earn your upkeep including buying the car of your choice.If he wouldn't let you work to be able to provide for yourself and family then he is evil and he he is not worth keeping. Your parents didn't send you to school to study how to become a housewife nor did you study ur ass off to get a housewife cert.
ReplyDeletei think aunty stella have said it All...... To whom it may concern ; pls to avoid imbroglio just read only stella's advice and stick to it.....@i_ChoPtas_Not
ReplyDeleteJay Moore you are an idiot and an ass wipe......pity the woman that will marry you......May your daughters marry men that will treat them like this....no be curse but the fruits of your thinking....if you read her letter well you will know it is not about her not wanting him to do for his family......your father already has a car, your wife is jumping buses even with belle, you don't allow her work to make her income and you don't extend help to her family and you say Nigerian women can complain? If she earns an income and complain that's a different ball game......any man worth his salt will see that his wife and immediate family is comfortable.....the issue here is balance and it's obvious the man cares nothing for his wife, so get your stupid head out of your arse and start thinking straight....
ReplyDelete