DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PART 2 and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PART 3.
You survived?
We read stories that shocked everyone....some of those stories were just beginning and some left us on edge after reading it...but we need to know how you turned out and if you are still alive!
If you dropped your story on any of the parts 1-3 Domestic Violence post.please tell us how it has ended for you or if it is still on going.....project Alert reads this blog and will contact you if you need help.
Please tell what the situation is right now with you.
STOP!!!
''How Dare you Abuse them to make yourself feel good!...go get help ...Domestic Violence is a crime!''
The DV Part 3 wont load. Kindly work on that.I have tried and tried to open it but it just won't!
ReplyDeleteTo the subject matter, I have never been abused. I am married to a wonderful man.(Please I am not saying this to spite anybody) I am just saying it to let the singles know there are still good men out there. Never compromise or shortchange yourself when it comes to choosing your life partner.
For those of you abusing the inverted nipple lady that her husband to be might be hiding something cos he has chosen to respect his wife to be, hear this, I dated my husband for nine good years with no sex!! There were temptations, normal, but we decided to wait till the right time. I got pregnant four months after our wedding so it wasn't that he had any problem.
It takes a man that knows and fear God to love. How can one love when you don't have God. Remember God is Love!! When choosing a life partner, please always look out for this. Remember, you cant give what you do not have!!
*cheers*
I shall be back to hear from strong women!!
I love your post to bits.
DeleteI so much believe there are still some good men. Not all are evil hearted. We need to ask God constantly for guidiance when making a choice of life partner. It is well with us women jare.
Dear truth Teller, I hope u come back to read this. While u and uncle wear dating 9years without chopping did u pple talk about ur body parts? I mean for example Boobs, D D size? Cos I am in a no sex relationship as well and if we hadn't talked of those tings I'll be worried I've even checked it sometimes sef just to be sure there's sometin there. I just feel dat 2 pple who haven't disccused up to those sensitive parts are not ready to be married Yet. What if she gets married to him without telling him and he gets angry and runs off. We no go dey dere d time o
DeleteGbamugbamu.
DeleteDomestic violence is sooo serious!!! Getting beat up by the person you love * sigh
ReplyDeleteThe Fashion Engineer
Stella the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PART 1's comment of Mrs Kay brought tears 2 my eyes. Am still sobbing as I type this. DV is one case the world should look in2. Perhaps a death penalty should be given 2 them women beaters. My Goodness! I suffered same faith when I was going out with my ex. I was 18 than and new in London. He bullied me everyday and beats me up when ever he likes. I never ever experienced an orgasim not until recently I dumped his ass. Even till date, the bruises/scars 4m his beating is still on my body. I ve a serious phobia now 4 men tha beat. This a huge crime and never should be taken lightly.
DeleteMy husband slapped me and was holding my neck after he had been threatening to beat me. This is the 3rd time in our 2 years marriage. This time I held his neck back and was ready to fight him. I said to myself enough of being a victim. He quickly started apologizing. Right now we r just living together, no gusting, no sex. I had previously reported him to his mother and she advised us and he acted sweet after that. I've been threatening to report him to the police bcos we leave in London but I'm kinda of holding back bcos I kn
ReplyDeleteI agree that standing up to him makes a difference.......if you can both work on the violence and make the marriage work, it will be better for both of you.
DeleteCos I know his own is finished and I still kinda of love him cos when we r not fighting he can be a lovely man
ReplyDeleteHello dear, he is holding back on beating the hell out of you cos he is in the uk. If he was in nigeria I bet u u will not recognise ur face in d mirror again. An abusive man never change pls be wise and don't fight him back before u get killed mistakenly. Pls avoid violence and never take advantage of where u live to provoke him. Cheers
DeleteAny lovely man won't hit u in d first place.
DeletePlease don't report him yet. (To the police)
DeleteIf you see more signs of his voilence, just move out.
Ps:
I have known my husband for 9yr and married 6.5yrs. We have our share of problems BUT he is a good man. For a man wth very traditional yoruba values, he is not violent at all . He is a family man to the core,he is as responsible as they come. We had sex less than 4wks after we met, we lived together fot 2yrs before marriage. We did everything we were not suppose to do. BUT that did not make him respect me more, beat me or treat me any less better. My man is a good husband and father. There are good men out there. I know 110% that he has not cheated on me in the 9yrs we have been together. Infact, i know he keeps away from friends that talk about cheating on their girlfriends and wives. So single ladies, look for the core character of a man and his values. Forget even if he is not a devil binding man. My man can only pray simple prayers, can no longer stand pentecostal churches but always read the bible to my daughter and talks to her about God. There are good men out there.
ReplyDeleteAnon 10:12 Lol. You are 110% sure?Ok o
DeleteAnon 10:12. I pity you
DeleteDV is one of my dreaded fear in life, the highest thing I pray to God to give me is a nice man n not someone that will lay a finger on me. To those that are still suffering from it sorry dearies n to the ones that excaped, Congratulation.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Stella. DV was what attracted me to your blog in the first place. Am single tho, and have never experienced any of such, but i was sad, and wept with goose pimples all over my body when i read through the post. I pray God helps the women experiencing DV and grant we the singles God-fearing me. Amen.
ReplyDeleteNigerian women need to start giving practical advise to women in domestic violence situations and not just fast and pray for him advice all the time don't you think they pray and fast for their situation. My own is this ladies whether you are married to prince charming or the worst husband on the planet you need to have your own source of income your own money in your bank account in your name. Lack of financial independence is the one reason why a lot of women are still stuck in domestic violence situations because they depend on their abuser and have no where to go no supportive family money is power empower yourselves women. Parents please if your daughter runs back home and reports her husband to you for domestic violence please do not send her back it is the lack of support from family if they leave that hinders a lot of women from leaving. Women you need to empower yourselves and stop being weaklings and thinking what society will say about a separation or divorce this same society will come and chop jollof at your funeral if the idiot kills you without second thought. Your life is more important than what anyone says your children need you alive not dead. Finally men what is that makes you hit women do you feel good after you do it is there an Olympic medal for wife beaters am sure people do worse things to you outside the home and you do nothing to them so why is it okay to hit your wife for the flimsiest reason. You need to be very afraid that wife you keep beating may one day poison your food or stab you in your sleep you people do not think at all they may even arrange for boys to finish you or break you legs so think twice before you hit your wife una no dey fear? A real man will walk away from the situation. And can some women please stop justifying domestic violence by shifting blame to the victim you know yourselves. I have said my own woe unto any man who dares touch me or any of my sisters the male folk in my family don't play and they have proven it before that they don't play no one messes with us you may just be signing your death warrant by messing with us.
ReplyDeleteThank you, anon 10:52, I ve my own faults & thanks again for the advice! Mama B!
DeleteHmmn... It is well.
ReplyDeleteNd d funny thing is that these women who get beaten still stick up for him. Some say its love. Trash. Stella you need to educate women on what true love is all about nd that love doesn't hit u . Tell dem dat love is nt blind and dat if it has eye probs they shld buy medicated glasses for it. Mine is wearin double lenses self. By the way people who love to buy downloadable stuffs online and like to apply for jobs online...u can reach me at chocobarbiealdo@gmail.com. I have a range of 3000 products. Don't think its scam by the way. Wait till you check them out. You won't need to pay until you check out what ever you want to buy.
ReplyDeleteIts not easy waiting for the right person but its definitely worth it, a lot of pple out there keep asking why are u not married ? Hmmmmh, hope nothing is wrong with u or abi u have spiritual problem? I just pray for us single women, God should cause tour sposues to locate us.
ReplyDeleteI love ur post Truthteller.. Single ladies there are still good men out there... Be patient and pray ceaselessly
ReplyDeleteDomestic violence is a srz issue.... No one should be subjected to such,however.divorce shouldn't be the answer,seperation could suffice... How ever long u want to be seperated..... Another thing is woken should be careful when choosing there life partner,doing date for 6months and then get married,a man can hide such trait for 6months to a year but after that,he cant hide it anymore
ReplyDeleteBut some women rush into marriage after some month,some women are lucky and the man would be great,while some turn out to he monsters.... I have ma friend who dated this guy for 7months and the man was Mr perfect,after marriage he changed and became violent... She seperated for 2yrs and is back again with him, he has been calm headed for 3yrs now....
Every morning,I thank God for my huuby,he's the most amazing person,he has been a good father and a food husband...since marriage,he hasn't never been any later than 7pm to the house and that would be cos of traffic.. He compliments me every time and never seize to show me how much he loves me
What am I saying? I am not saying this to despise anyone but to tel
U all that there are good men out there.. Just be prayerful and watchful
For those going thru dv,the Lord is ur strength
Stella pls I nid u to post dis...Av been dating my boyfrnd for like 6months his a very wondaful person nd always wants to see me happy, thou his nt financialy bouyant or futing my bills, my mum does all dat cos am done wit nysc nd yet to secure a job, bt irregardless of nt doin anytin for me I stil love him .I started seeing d oda side him wen I went for a frnds bridal shower, I was d organiser nd in charge of everytin so I was quite busy, dat was ao he started calling nd pingin ard 6pm nd start coming home I tried explainin dat d shower was jst getin interestn bt he said No I shud leave if nt I forget abt him nd I said OK nd he deleted me off his bb, we settle d issue after a while, nd he did same tin wen I wnt for my frnds wedding dat I shud leave nd start coming home, meanwhle wen he goes out wit frnds or too parties I don't bug hm I leave him to av his fun, I traveled out of d country for few weeks nd he made life livin hell for me wit his calls nd pings, sayin av changed nd nt giving him atention, am back nd his been actn realy silly, @ any arguemnt he says am tryin to pick a fight cos I av plans of leavn hm nd I got so pissed nd ignored him for 1week nd in dat 1week he kept using insultin dps indirectly @ me nd even used a girls pix writin "U rock dearie" as his pm nd I also used my cuzns pix as dp dat 1 no dey naija bt na fine boy to d core.. Thou he doesn't knw d guy is my cuz dats ao he ping nd said its cos of my cuzin wey I dey date nw I wanna leave him, dat I won't go scot free dat he will surely fnd me, after threatenin me his nw begging me dat his sorry nd ddnt mean all he said dat he loves nd can't afford to loose me. Pls wat do I do? Am so confused nd scared of goin bac to him, nt after threatenin me....Seun
ReplyDeleteIts called insecurity,funny enough he might be cheating on u.Stay only if u can handle it cos it won't get better.
DeleteIrregardless is not a word! Your English is so poor. Please improve on your English first before any other thing.
DeleteAnonymous... I was really getting inspired by the stories till i got to your reply to Seun.. You are full of stupidity.. The English is poor and sooo wat? Is that the reply your brain told you to type? Den your brain is poorer than her English...
DeleteSeun... Your bf has insecurity issues. He is sooo insecured. I have a gf that had that kinda bf.. Its sooooo annoying.. It will be very hard to change him. He will make your life miserable coz they are always good apologizers after messing up and accusing you and shit. The earlier you do sth about it,the better.
Lol @irregardless! Boo, pls leave dat guy, he is as insecure as a rat nd such pple end up as wife beaters. I have friends who were in yr shoes, today, dey r out of d relationship nd hav met wonderful guys! RUN FOR YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE IRREGARDLESS.lol
DeleteAnonymous 3:45pm, shut up your mouth and take several sits, if you don't have any advice for her
DeleteOlodo o. He's very insecure that's certan. Also I'm certain he's cheating on u sef. See ehn! Ii have my real bf o but one abuja guy that's disturbing my life&lied that him&his gf don breakup. He mistakingly tried to form jealous&questioning with me. Ever since I have close marked d shit out oof his life. Don't get me wrong. I loove him o but I'm never leaving my bf for hiim. The minute my bf is back, I'm dropping him like it's hot. He felt he can use me ba? He's my pastime back. Iim soo sticking to my bf,mooney isn't everything
Delete#morale of the story is all this drama doesn't signify love# Read 1cor13:4.
Her english is not d issue here as far as u get d point! I don't kno wot wrong wit ppl,she's askin 4 ur advc n u re sayin trash,if u hav notin 2 say plz SHUT UP!!!!
DeleteDear poster,does re d signs of a DV,plz flee 4rm dis guy cos he'll definately hit u if u eventually marry him.......! B patient,d right man is on d way.......Goodluck!!
If you know anything about human behavior, you'd know to be run away from people with this type of insecurities. You need to take his threat seriously. Lodge a threat with the police and let him know you have reported him cos a guy like this can hurt you.
DeletePls run as fast as ur legs can carry u.......he is very insecure and has serious inferiority complex.dont take his threats as a joke....people like him can do anything unrealistic.........stay away from him ooo.
DeleteUr BF is insecured,obsessive,controlling and most definitely has a complex!
DeleteAny man with such features always turn out to be abusive on their women!
run as fast as u can hun,forget love,cos I wouldn't want to ur DV story to be the part 4 on this blog!
Pls my dear, one word.....FLEE nd dis is even if u love him, pls get out of dat relationship.....ur heading dooms way. Pls
DeleteDear Seun, I was in a situation similar to yours. My Bf now husband was kind of like that. He would keep texting and calling me whenever I am hanging out with my girlfriends. He would accuse me of cheating on me and all that. His behavior made me cheat on him once but I felt very bad and told him, he was very mad and called me names but I told him would he have preferred I kept it a secret. Anyway, he forgave me and married me, saying that he didn't want to lose me. After our wedding he stopped being insecure and stopped calling to ask me where I was. Today after Eleven years of marriage, he has been a good husband and father to our kids. Moral of the story is that being insecure does not always mean they will be bad husbands. Talk with him about your concerns and observe for change. Pray to God for wisdom too.
DeleteStella. Is it just physical abuse?
ReplyDeleteBecause me I'm emotionally abused by my husband.
He has zero emotions towards me. I don't move him. He doesn't care about my needs/wants. He only thinks about himself and he will question why he has to consider my feelings before he does things. If I say well that's what marriage is about. He wil ask who made the rule. And how are you sure the person is right. And start another epistle on how no two marriages are same and there is no manual for marriage.
I'm tired Stella. It's emotionally abuse abi?
Next time he tells you is there a manual for marriage, tell him no but there are basics for marriage and all HAPPY marriages have something in common- MUTUAL CARE! Haba!!!
DeleteAnonymous 6 nov at 9.40am run before is too late you don't need to call police , someone who slapped you once we slepped you till you died. there is fire on the mountain run run , marriage is not meant for boys and girls is only for man and woman and on the other end marriage is not meant for everyone.
ReplyDeletel once marry to a violence woman in south east London l ran alway before she return from work lam now a happy man with my new partner with two beautiful girls just would not let any woman lies against me and give me criminal record. violence againt man is real.omolomo
She probably had issues with your written English. Gosh!
Deleteur English is worst than bad.....gosh
Delete@sleekreek, that was quite a bullet you shot there too. It's "worse than bad " not WORST ! #mindyourgrammarb4youmindothers.
DeleteCorrecter oshi.. you are busy laughing at someone. There is nothing like 'worsT than'.. Itibolibo..
DeleteLwkmd `°•.¸¸.•°` `°•.¸¸.•°` `°•.¸¸.•°``°``°•.¸¸.•° hahahaha `°•.¸¸.•°` `°•.¸¸.•°` `°•.¸¸.•°``°``°•.¸¸.•° very funny.
DeleteI am a victim of DV,my husband beat d he'll out of me bcos of his sisters who are not just jealous of our love but who have children from two different men and none of them married her nor took responsibility of those children.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want to take it up by reporting to d police or filling a divorce yet trying to give him a second child, any mistake from him he will smell his balls.
I too bu God's grace I am in a loving marriage and like good wine it gets better daily. Single women please there are still good and responsible men out there. Well trained by loving parents. God bless and strengthen those in abusive relationships to find a way out
ReplyDeleteIts a shame that I only stumbled on your blog a few days ago. I would have loved to weigh in on this earlier. For as long as I can remember, my father has been abusive to my mother, not physically but emotionally. My mother is a very fine woman with a figure even kim kardashian will salute, even now at almost 50, people think she is my older sister because of her baby face. I grew up listening to my father call her illiterate, useless, worthless, witch and the cause of his problems even though she is a graduate and runs a successful company making millions every year. He has thrown her clothes out, chased her out of the house and she always comes back because he will go and beg her and tell her that "people must not hear". My father is well respected and well loved, he's very very generous and everyones favourite uncle but he doesnt extend those traits to those of us who live in the house with him.
ReplyDeleteHe disrespects her so much that he will insult and disgrace her in front of his staff and the drivers and househelps at home, he will even tell her that she is not as useful as the assistants he has in his office and the driver who drives him (all in the presence of the assistants and the drivers oh) and because of that, they all disrespect her as well so much so that even when she sacks them, they will tell her they are not going anywhere.
She has cried herself to sleep for years and she keeps telling me that he begged her father before she would marry him, that he was so quiet and sweet and caring that she doesnt understand how he turned into the monster he is now. My mother would dress so badly, tying scarves, not making her hair, wearing old wrappers everywhere because if she dressed nicely, he would laugh at her and call her names. Her self esteem was so low that she would always start sentences with 'i know I dont know anything but..." even when she was talking to my sisters and I.
He used to treat me that way as well and call me a witch like my mother and any contract that did not go through or bid he did not win, he would blame me, even as a little girl of 10, 11 years old. I almost started believing it but I thank God for the way he made me, my head dey too strong and eventually in my teens, I started talking back at him and he realised he couldnt bully me so he just faced my mother.
My mother even attempted suicide on one occasion and if i had not been there, I'm sure we would have lost her. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I confronted him. I told him that he should remember that he and I share blood and that I am as nasty as he is, if not nastier. That he cannot keep treating my mother like rubbish and then sleep in the same house I am in. That even if she is weak, I am not, that if he values his life, he should start locking his bedroom door and sleeping with one eye open because I am ready to deal with him. A few weeks after that, he ran to PH, which is where his businesses are based and hardly ever comes to Lagos and now we all have peace.
Its sad, I have not seen him in almost 6 months and I don't even miss him. He doesn't pay any bills anymore but luckily my mother makes enough money to take care of us. In the time he has been away, she has become so confident, beautiful and everyone keeps commenting on it, if only they knew. He still calls her and harasses her for money and she always clears her account and sends it to him which makes no sense because he makes 10 times what she makes. After she has sent the money, there will be no money for food or to pay her staff's salaries and she will start begging him to send her money and he will insult her and call her all sorts of names. I just finished service and got a very good job that I'm starting in a few weeks so i thank God that very soon, I will be making enough money to take care of my mother and my sisters so we can be free of my father.
Babes, I was tearing up when l read this. Can NEVER imagine what you r going through as l grew up with the best father one can have.
DeleteThe Lord is your strength and His Grace will see you through "hugs"
I got tears in my eyes as well, especially when I got to the part she wrote "I know I don't know anything but..." I thank God for my father
DeleteWell done darling.
DeleteYour dad's case is abnormal. Have you tried to report him to family/religious elders for intervention?
I know my mother has been battered emotionally, but I thank God that she is away from my fathers influence, whenever she gets on the phone with him, and he starts insulting her and she starts crying, I snatch the phone away and cut the line. I know that I am the only reason he has not come around to tackle her face to face because I am the first woman to ever stand up to him. My father is weak and he is afraid of a woman who can confront him. All abusers are weak, women need to be able to stand up to them, no matter the cost.
ReplyDeleteMy friends tell me that my head is too hot and that I need to be more submissive to find a man who will marry me but I tell them I don't care, any man who does not want to marry an intelligent, confident, outspoken woman can go to blazes. I will not be anybody's punching bag or fool. I want a man who will respect me and uplift me and if I don't find one, I am happy to stay single.
Nigerians judge single women too quickly and far too harshly. Do you know what has made them that kind of woman? Do you know what they have experienced in their childhood that has made them decide that "I would rather be single than settle for..." The truth is that too many Nigerian women are under pressure to settle down and become a Mrs and because of that, they end up with men that noone would wish on their worst enemy.
SEUN RUN away from that so called boyfriend......what am i saying, run ke? FLEEEEEE......the guy is an abuser and violent...pls am down on my knees, i use GOD beg you, i use your mama wey born you beg you....fleeeeeee......seun darling please leave that boy alone...you will meet someone else.he has obvious signs of a violent person
ReplyDeleteOlu-wa-seun!
DeleteI also join this anon to beg you to flee seriously!
He's an abuser. He's showing you a tip of the iceberg; there are more in store waiting to be exhibited. If you treasure peace in your life, please leave him.
As per the threat, get a lawyer to handle that and let them serve him a notice too. Let him know you aren't talking his threat likely.
What a selfish abuser! He wants to live his life as he likes but doesn't want you to live yours.
Marry him and see your live taken away from you. You deserve better!
PS: if you haven't read theses DV Diaries, please I beg you, take time to read them SERIOUSLY.
my dear your husband is abusing you emotionally cos he is having an affair with someone else...some men treat their wives funny when they are having an affair or jealous of her etc.....he feels you have no choice and can do nothing......then maybe he doesnt even love you if not if he loves you he will obviously think about your feelings before he does anything.........anyway just try and talk to someone who is in authority over him maybe he will say what his problem is.......so far he doesn't get physically violent just try and work at it...
ReplyDelete@Anonymous #18 it sounds like he's insecure, clearly he feels you will find another guy who will be closer to the standard of man he feels you would be dating if you werent with him and then you'll dump him.
ReplyDeleteInsecurity leads to anger and aggression better break things off before he starts to lock you up in the house or beat you to a pulp when you get back from your outings. And why are you living with him after 6months? Abi did I get that wrong? Either way, as my baby sis will say "girl, you needs to bounce". A word is enough for the wise. Sister Cat.
No! we dnt live togeda, he jst wants me to leave where I am nd either come meet him @ home, or go to my house nd sit down...seun.
DeleteSo I was the 1st to comment! Sterra I suppose collect trophy o... Iol!!!
ReplyDeleteTo the Anon 22, I really don't understand what you mean, Do u mean we should check our body parts? Let me tell you o, that one go be serious temptation na.. Cos
1: We have to check in private.
2: It will just be only us (abi we go need witness again?)
My dear, we will be going all the way mhen!! Believe me there were temptations but na determination.
You just need to trust your partner! Love without trust ain't love..Love also believes the best!!! Why would you have such thoughts in the first place!!
Anon 18, I don;t think you should be asking again dear, Do u know Ussain Bolt, na that speed make u carry! Hit the road, don't look back and DO NOT DARE go back!!!
cheers!!
My sister's husband used to beat shit out of her buh †ђξ one ЪŦ broke †ђξ camel's back was beating her two weeks after we buried our mom for complete 6 hours!!!ЪŦ was it..I used my position as a lawyer α̲̅πϑ dealt mercilessly with the fool..Up till today he goes to the State police headquaters every month to write a statement about how they lived for the month..With the beating he got †ђξ last time,he has not lifted his hands on ma sister again..Last month my sister called ♍ε̲ in †ђξ middle of †ђξ nite ЪŦ they had issues and he's screaming on top of his voice..I quickly called the fool α̲̅πϑ warned him to shout as long as he wants α̲̅πϑ never lift a finger on ma sister..He DARES NOT..As for ma hubby, †ђξ day he slapped ♍ε̲.,i broke his TV.,his car windscreen,tore all his clothes α̲̅πϑ took †ђξ money he kept at home..Since den,he has not dared..He's now even scared to shout at ♍ε̲ talk more of hitting ♍ε̲..ℓσℓ ..I stress myself for Ʊ α̲̅πϑ Y̶̲̥̅̊o̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊r kids who i brot into dis world α̲̅πϑ Ʊ wan beat ♍ε̲ join???Odi egwu!!!
ReplyDeleteIji ya nne!
DeleteAda, I wish I could give u a hug. I luv u#no homo# U are very smart gal.
DeleteWild cat!! Idi egwu!
DeleteYour sister's life is in danger. Her husband beat her for 6 hours and she's still LIVING with him? Hian! Get her out of there b4 it's too late!!!
DeleteI hope there won't be bloodshed when your sister's lunatic husband finally snaps. She should be planning towards leaving him.
DeleteAda you be my kind persin. If my husband even thinks about hitting me i will break everything in the house, destroy his cloths and destroy his car! I no focking send anybody message!!!!
DeletePlans are in top geat to relocate her to America since she's a qualified nurse..Na so the fool go wake up one day begin look for him wife..Besides i have talked small sense into my sis head..If he snaps.,make she snap too..Afterall in terms of physical strength.,my sis can beat †ђξ living day light out of him..So what's †ђξ heck..She should beat him up and raise self defence as her defence..Nuffin D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ happen!!
Delete@Lulu...u re a strong n courageous woman.Thank God for ur mum,u need to continue to help her build her confidence.Why on earth does she keep sending money to ur dad?It's like he's made himself a small god!!I really think she should stop sending money to him. I wish her all the best.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post Stella, because I was amazed when a certain blogger in her bid to give her 2 cents to a lady suffering DV, indirectly lays the blame on her!
ReplyDeleteDV in any form is WRONG!!!!!!
If a relationship is becoming a burden, please find the exit!
Also, women should stop lying to themselves and others, by painting a saint-like picture of their spouses that it makes me wonder if marriage was a bed of roses as they say, why do I read so much about marital problems in blogs seeking for advice?
Lulu well done. God bless you. But be careful of what your Dad might come back to do. Keep watching out for your Mum.
ReplyDeleteMy husband used to beat me silly wen we were datin ,he's the jealous type i almost lost myself esteem bt after doin dat he'll go down on his knees an beg wit tears rollin down his cheeks anytime i threaten to leave him at a point he stoped.i knew he loved me bt he had complex cos i was a very preety young girl,we dated for 6yrs bt he started showin his colour after like 5yrs into the relationship.he's the gentle type outside pple do envy my relationship they'l say am lucky to hv such a quiet and responsible man yea Stella he's a gud man only wen we are nt quarrellin he can be the best man on earth and mind u he was nt cheatin on me o i was very sure and he's still nt cheatin on me fastforward we got married in 2009 he became that lovin man i first met that can gv anythin ,everythin jst to mk me smile yea he spoils me silly then one day we had an arguement he slapped me dat was wen i stood up for the first tym wit all the strenght i had i fought back then he saw i was nt cryin like i used to he saw i stood my ground he got scared dat he started beggin immediately i threatened to leave him cos i dont want to die, after dat day he use him tongue count him teeth since then my husband has changed he does nt joke wit me or his kids infact if i dey quarrel he go jst go balcony go stay till i calm down n our quarrel no ey pass few mins i am enjoyin my marriage today he likes anythin i like he does anythin i want and i try as much as possible to be the best wife to him
ReplyDeleteSigh! my neighbour survied DV..I lived in a neighbourhood where it seemed DV was a competition..sometimes I wondered why these woman still come back home after been beaten for hours..i remember the same man beat his wife so bad that he threw her out naked on a Sunday afternoon ..haba the fact that he beats her beats in front her kids is just alarming, wonder why when they grow up they start beating their wives sigh!!
ReplyDeleteThank God Project alert came to her rescue after the husband matcheted her hands for only God knew what she did… Now he is begging her that it was the devil’s handwork but its quite interesting he married a new wife recently oh well the same beatens he gave to his first wife awaits the second… No lele its Karma….hmmm som men sha why evils.
@ anonymous 18: Those are tell-tale signs. Pack your bags and move on. He is too jealous and he will probably beat the living daylight out of you when you get married. A jealous guy is a NO-NO!
ReplyDeleteJust felt I should drop this although I v made up my mind on wot to do. My guy also exhibit some of Seun's bfn traits minus the multiple calling on phone. He has anger issues, skips borrowing money n never return, has never supported me financially but always want me 2 contribute 2 buying tins in his apartment and am very sure he cheats on me, he is always online chat ing n doesn't make d mistake of leaving his fones unlock, uses 2 bb n don't even v his 2nd second pin. We started wedding plans at somepoint but with all this signs I had to cancel it all n I became his enemy cos I was pregnant n he probably wanted 2 use dat in cornering me. Have had my baby now n I v peace of mind with enof money in my acct unlike wen I was with him.
ReplyDeleteLest I forget,he always talk bout me in his future,how I have to be d mother of his kids,how au be a good mum,(he has a child from anoda woman,n I strongly bliv sumthn is on btw em). Buh his insults and insecurity bothers me,hittin me weneva he's high n we into an argument,I know it won't stop,that's y I'm gon do d rite thn.
DeleteYOU MUST BE THE PROBLEM. CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE COD IT BRINGS OUT THE BEAST IN HIM
ReplyDeleteAm sure u are an abuser... Dats y u had d odacity to type ur stupid comment in capital letters. U will soon get wat is comin to u! Shampepe.
DeleteI'm sure u r a man or a very stupid woman.
DeleteAll these men that beat their wives should go out and fight an "agbero" , their fellow man.
Smh 4 d woman that will end up with you. You think there's no beast in a woman? Even the bible said there's nothing worse than the wrath of a woman.
Offenders never agree its their fault. They always blame it on d woman/man etc.
DeleteOnly an animal would react when provoked. I repeat Offenders never take responsibility for their dirty actions.
DeleteSome women still keeps quiet,suffering in silence.my sister had been married to this beast for abt 10yrs,and nvr once did she open her mouth dat he beats her .d revelation came out this year wen he nearly killed her one nite in april,becos my mum helped him purchase a land frm her cooperative people,there was delay in his survey paper coming out,he was d one dat went there to pay himself.he started beating her,used the tank of small generator to hit her on d head dat she shd go and collect his mony frm my mum,dat she want to dupe him,dis his an idiot dat my mum fed,took care of their first kid,cloth even footed their wedding bills 100 percent wen he had notin,it was then my sister even told us he beat her one day she collapse and fainted,even d kids wen they come over nvr for once said anytin.d only tin we knw is dats she looks sick and thin,dark like dead body,and she kept quiet,we went to report him to their pastor,but becos he donates generously in d church,he was not sanctioned,and he went to bible sch,calling himself pastor.he does not spend on her but gives generously outside,a married woman wearing rags,and d husband get mony. The whole of us stood up to him.and warned him nvr to touch her again.my sister health has started picking up,becoming her old self gradually.she wld av jst died without us knowing what really caused her death,he evn expends his beating to the eldest child,u need to see d mark on her body a 11yr girl,d poor child is always shaking in fear when he is near.
ReplyDeleteDV is very bad, my dad do abuse my mum emotionally n financially,somtyn came up one day dat we heard to travel, mum mum nver came bck again, she changed school for us n went back 2skul herslf , told my dad after her schooling she's come back, but she nvr did, we all stayd wit our mum n visits our dad @tyms,its been up to 10yrs now d've been apart,and we are all happy, dou my dad stil calls and threatens her, telling her she's die, dat her mother too wil die,dat she sleeps arund,she has aids,dat his native doctor told him soo,she's a useless woman, he tells her if she doesn't come back to him she wil regret it. 2 me I always say my dad is mentally unstable 2 bi saying such. We all support our mums decision, cuz wen we were kids our dad do starve us, he made my mum loose a child, xuz re refusd takin her to d hospital, most men r delivish, I pray I find I good man.
ReplyDeleteSeun run. Physical violence usually starts with controlling behavior, emotional and verbal abuse. Don't wait until the slaps start, please you're young, do not have this experience, it's avoidable
ReplyDelete8months after meetn my bf,he gave me a backhand slap ova an argument,he was high that nite...d follown morn,I dint go to work(used to wrk wiv him)he gave me so mny missd calls,wen he saw I wudnt pick up,he called my mum,she called me n I pretended I was sick,I had a slightly swollen jaw. He begged me,said he was sowie n all dat.d nxt time he beat me up was on vals day,we bough ourselves gift n was hangn out at one bar wen a heated argument started,I wanted to hlp my sis pick up moni sum1 sent to her thru western union,,he sterted wiv,ow mny bf's does ur sis have? I was like,,wat is ur biz then d insults came pouring,I'm too spoilt,I fuck around,imma hoe...mind u,he was high again dat nite.outta annoyance I walked outta him,I was gon go home buh my bag was in the car and I was so not in da mood to speak to him.I went straight to da hotel where we lodged,,5mins latr he came in n strtd askn me barrage of qsts..I simply ignored him,nxt thn I knew,punches landed on my face,I tried to shield my face,got hold of his shirt,tore it,fought back..I was screamn n thrown thngs around,makn a lotta noise,,d hotel management came to ask if errythn was ok.after he left I tried to leave,,he begged me not to leave him,said he was sowie,cried,prostrated. D last time he hit me was in schl,he came to schl to pick me,got angry he dint see me where I said I was,gave me anoda backhand. He uses my past against me at erry slight quarrel,imma cheat,a whore,I fuck arnd tirelessly,wen I miss his calls,wahala,wen my fone line is busy,I'm talkn to sum dude,he annoys me d point where I ignore him,evn wen I ignore him,he tries to wist my hand to break it,then I scratch him...I've left scratch marks on his face n hands.
ReplyDeleteNow he's outta d country,he left me wiv 5k at d airport,promised to be bk in 10days.this is 3months now,I struggle to takia of myself,he hardly calls,wen he does we end up fightn on fone,wen I tried to chat wiv him on whatsapp,na quarrel,same on fb..he went as far as blockn me on both cos I changed my profile pix of us on fb,said dat shey my customers have told me to change d pix. To him I'm always fuckn arnd,or gettn drunk at d club n men messn me up,smokin n all dat. He loves me no doubt buh I just think he is so insecure,and I've made up my mind to break up,even tho I know he'll cum to d house to plead n call my sisters.I'm pretty sure he visits dis blog..I don't care,I'm just fed up
He does not love you, but lust in you
DeleteHe loves u? Hmmmmmmm issorite let him keep loving you...EEE!!!
DeleteHmmmm DV, my immediate sis is a victim.She has been married for some years now with no issue. Her husband beats her, abuse her, molest her etc(she was not working then). there was even a day he beat her up in the presence of his family and his parents did not do anything simply because he is their bread winner. There was a day they were arguing on their way to our parent's house(to settle a dispute), he slapped her like 3 times before they got there etc. Some years back, her husband lost his job and my mum is the one footing their bills to the extent that she pays their house rent. Recently, my sis got a job(thank God), she's now the one taking care of the house, my mum and I support them when need arises. Still this guy is still not grateful, he keeps talking to her anyhow. am thinking of telling her to file for a divorce but the guy will beg and beg(when the craze in him cools down) and my sis will agree again. I don't know if she's under any kind of spell or something. Really scared that my sis might contact some form of disease from his beatings. Pls help.
ReplyDeletePART ONE
ReplyDeleteDear Stella
Thank you for your ceaseless calls, texts, BBs...asking me to finish what I started IN RE: DV. You truly don't give up....plus I believe somehow that God is using you and not giving you peace in this regard.....so He wakes you, nudges you to nudge us and wake us all up to the realities of DV.....,it stares us in the face, daring us to be QUIET!!!!!....to SHUT UP.....to PRETEND.....to SWEEP it under the carpet.....you see, DV by itself in Nigeria has also become THE ABUSER......
CAN MY STORY END????.....no...it can't .....It evolves....it moves.....it has life.....that's why I had to stop..... You see, like I told you, each time I write, I have to dig open another diary, and then send it to you.......and each time I do this, the memories come back.... Stella, each of these times, I have to deal with all these issues over again which in a way is a good thing, because when I left, I literarily SWEPT EVERYTHING UNDER THE CARPET. ............
PART TWO
ReplyDeleteI just pretended that "ALL IS WELL".....
I became an expert in wearing THE MASK.....inwardly I was a psychological mess....crying myself to sleep.....then couldn't sleep..... Missing my children.....couldn't eat well.......then trying to make end meet.......so many issues faced me.....+ I had to also cope with all the rumors Mr Kay had spread....that I packed out of he house by myself, because of another man....that I was having extramarital affairs........that I was being kept and funded by a man........so many allegations.....so many lies.......and I just CLAMPED UP....I couldn't talk about it.....so I put up an extremely pleasant, cheerful.....bold face....to the world and as soon as I got home in the evening the mask will dissolve into tears.......
So in a way digging up the diaries helped me deal with what I didn't have the boldness to do......and like I told you during our many discussions......the more I wrote, the more familiar I became....in fact from the very first entry all my sisters knew who it was.....by the last entry some of my classmates knew.....quite a lot of people knew who mrs Kay was and who I am.........
I didn't wNt to be known......and the real essence of bringing my diary out was to encourage other women to TALK...... and did they????.......YES.......look at what your blog has done since the first entry......between us we have counseled more women than we could imagine, I have housed some.....spoken to countless women on phone.....more women are taking pro active actions.....some people approached me and told me they make all their daughters read the diary.......and, HEY!!!! There is even government legislation to back DV up, and because of the posts PROJECT ALERT IS NOW HEAVILY INVOLVED..........need I say more...........
So to all who read DV on your blog let me state again.......
The diary was never about publicizing me.....I was just used by GOD to TELL THE TRUTH.....that DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REAL....
.just like I am real....
Just like the diary is very real (to all you cynics who say it's fabricated). Maybe one day I will publish it.......
It's not a pity party either .....it was meant to create AWARENESS....so that others may know....and ACT...Just like my darling friend who walked up to me last month with tears in her eyes......."KAY....I read the DIARY and I knew it was you....my God....you never told us.....we your classmates, never knew....you just kept being so cheerful, we never knew"........then she gave me one of the most intense and sincere hugs I ever got.....with tears in our eyes...........and guess what just a few days before that HUG, I had told God during one of my many conversations with him......LORD .....I JUST NEED A HUG......
On a final note.....Oprah. On the good that came come from failure.
“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise. At some point, you are bound to stumble. If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher and higher, the law of averages predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction. Now, when you’re down there in the hole, it looks like failure. When that moment comes, it’s okay to feel bad for a little while. Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here’s the key: Learn from every mistake, because every experience, particularly your mistakes, are there to teach you and force you into being more who you are.”
I believe you are simply just telling us a story, and not seeking advice. What are you doing with such a barbaric boy not man o!
ReplyDeleteMs Kay! Thank you for being available to sooth the pain of others despite all you've been through. God keep you.
ReplyDeleteYou should break up before he kills you. Love. Is so silly. I hate him already without knowing him
ReplyDeleteMine has been emotional abuse for 4 yrs. we are not married but in a long distance relationship. What hasn't he done to damage me. Beautiful. Me. When I think back I cry helplessly. I have loved him since I was a child. It was instant attraction. He has never hit me or insulted me. But he has raped me, given me std, cheated and is very good at playing mind games. He has disrespected me to friends and family. He has hurt me soo much I find it hard to love him again. I broke up with him, I am still so sad as I really wanted this to work. The love of my life. The one I dreamed of marrying since I was a teenager. Imagining our beautiful kids. I couldn't take it all anymore, so I decided to walk. He knows better than to ever beat me because I would kill him. I let him know he is an abuser. He claims I hurt him. Yes i did. We both did. But he seems obsessed with destroying me mentally and emotionally. No matter how much I try to make it work, despite all that had happened. I finally broke up with him and I have been crying my eyes out. My hopes, my dreams, the love of my life all gone. I miss who we were before we started having problems. If he cannot act sane, forgive and move on. I can't get anywhere with him. I was willing to do all these for him. I have given up, no more of this. So many fantastic men out there. I will take my chances. My childhood sweetheart has wounded my soul. But I chose to heal it and be happy
ReplyDeleteDv is real.there's this lady i know her husband is the worst creation on earth.he's a very wicked man do u kno wat he does anytym his wife gets pregnant? he poisons her drink so she'l hv miscarriage the lady didn't kno he was behind it.it was after she had d second miscarriage dat she almost bled to death dat her neigbours rushed her to d huspital and she was told she was poisoned.she has a son for him and he knows d juice he used to poison his son drinks frm it o he dont care poor boy he was around 3yrs old and he couldn't talk we thought d poor boy was dumb nt knowin he has been drinkin frm d juice his father used to poison for his mother and it has affected him . if u tell the the woman to go to the hospital she would tell u she might implicate him by going to the hospital,
ReplyDeletetoday nko he has left her and her son after damagin her womb and she's back to nigeria and mind u she was d one who brought him abroad o