After some peoples comment on this blog I started questioning myself if am normal at all...
This is my story ...
I lost my mum early in 2005 and didn't know my dad,her best friend brought me up and when I was with them,her son and nephew both 15 and 17yrs older sexually abused me,a secret I haven't said to any.
This continued until I finished JSS,I started fighting them each time they will sneak into my room and in the day time they get their revenge by hitting me back at any opportunity they get... I couldnt tell anyone what i was passing thru...
At 17 a guy (30) asked me out,I accepted and he found out about the ill treatment,he ask to take me to my village,I accepted but my uncles were not ready for my burden except my mum's only sibling who is wretched.
this guy started taking care of my responsibility till we had sex at 19, he became obsessed with it,even on my menses,when am sick,if I refuse, there will be beating and all, I endured till after my final year and I ran away from him, but there was no place to run to, no one to take care of me, no job , I had to do clearance and other expenses, then I met my husband, he saw me in the village ,I didn't like him but because of my situation, I accepted and we have 2kids now...
But I don't know how it feels like to be in love
I have never had strong feelings for anyone
I don't enjoy sex
I hate and can't stand his touch
I feel rape each time we re at it
I have had no sexual feelings ever since I was born and The topic irritates me.
Please, am I normal? Are there other people like me reading this blog, do I need help?
*sad sigh....Honey you need help,you need help real fast.Talking about the abuse is the first stage to getting some form of healing.i pray the comments will minister to your situation.
I am really at a loss on what to say.
Chai! Pele.
ReplyDeleteWhat you're feeling is what happens when you rob someone of their childhood and innocence. To me, it's normal that you shouldn't enjoy sex because you haven't let go. You're still holding on honey. You need to let it all just go away. Don't hold grudges. God will heal your broken heart but you must allow Him. I've been there. This is my story but I love my husband, and do I love sex? Come and see!
DeleteWell Said Julit.
Delete@ Poster, I feel for u and Yes, you need help.
DeletePlease talk to someone,like a psychologist.
I pray God heals u
☹
Omg, I'm so sorry about all u Have been through. Pls try and open up to your husband and maybe your pastor. Talk to a psycologist too. Let go of d pain and hurt, and forgive those people cos its only in forgiving them that u will find peace. Then appreciate your husband's efforts. Also find solace in God's words. And slowly but gradually your life will get better. Cheers
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for all your advise... But I'm scared of telling my husband about this cos he is surely gonna use it against me...
DeleteAfi open up to her husband o in this our community ba? My dear seek help but I don't recommend opening up with the details of feeling raped when he touches u o except you're certain it won't wreck your marriage or make him feel inadequate in anyway.
DeleteTai! Don't ever tell ur husband oh.......trust me he will use it against u in future. Husbands can't be trusted on this issue, it will change how he sees u. Just look for a professional or an NGO that handles such cases. Am really sorry for everything u are going through, I pray God heals ur spirit soul and body coz u r indeed a strong woman. Stay strong darling! Jesus loves u.
DeleteThis is very sickening! How can you live in a society where you can not confide in the person meant to be closest to you about such a huge burden. Listen, if you are about to marry someone and you cannot open up to him about such tragic experiences that were certainly beyond your control for fear he will use it against you then DO NOT MARRY HIM! This society is so fuck@d up and even us the upcoming generation keep watering these terrible mindsets. How then do we remove the powers from the hands of those who go around molesting the innocent and helpless when they know no one will out them for fear of being stigmatised?
DeleteMake we try small abeg!
Any person that uses such things against you is mentally ill and I urge you to return it to them so they may know how it stings. The shame of rape is not that of the victim but the abuser! Let's change this mindset. Yes I was sexually abused and I told my husband about it before marrying him. We have been married for years now and not once has he used it against me. If anything it has worked to my advantage because he is more sensitive to me on issues that affects me because of it. No it's not luck, it's how it should be. And those of you who are mocking people who have been scarred with this issues be careful. I have seen the severity of karma on them. Those that is covering up for someone doing this to some innocent persons, be careful also for the wrath of God will not spare you or your generation. I know of someone who was mocking a family member whose child had been sexually abused. The year did not end when the calamity visited their home. Trust me, it is not a scar that goes away easily!
ITs not normal dear, you have become frigid because of ur early experiences,you have gone through a lot. you need help, the fact that u have now recognised that all is not well wiith you is a good step towards ur over all healing.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, u are Normal. Nothing is wrong with u. Everytin dat happened is part sum challenges we go tru in life. Bt pls, u av to let go of d past. Believe me when I say I really understand how u feel. Its nt goin to be easy, it will weigh u down at first, u will feel like givin up. Bt u av to be strong my dear. And at d end of d day, it will be worth it. Ur husband has a vital role to play in helpin u to get ur groove back. U should try and open up to him.
ReplyDeleteMadam phrinkies,its good to tell the truth and follow it up wit good advice. She's not normal bcos of what she's been thru, sugar coating it does not help oh, its even a good thing that she has realised.
DeletePlease proffer solution abeg
Girl, l'm tearing up right now in church. Can't imagine what you have gone and are still going through . Stella is right; you need professional help fast. It has been said that people's real character come out when they have the upper hand. The devil is really a liar . May God give you succour and peace. #cryingandprayingforyou
ReplyDeleteYou maaa dey Church dey read story for blog,issorait!
DeleteYou passed through a lot at a very young age and it is affecting you, you had a bitter experience in terms of love and sex. I really feel for you but its time to move on, I believe in giving everyone a clean slate to write on, your husband was not the one that abused you, so do not transfer aggression to the poor guy. I suggest you tell your husband everything that happened to you. Ask God to give you the heart to forgive everyone that hurt you in the past. Try and love your husband and move on with your life, you deserve to be happy and enjoy with your husband. Free your mind and move on, only that can solve your problems. People have gone through worst cases, if you ask each and everyone of us to tell our stories, you will see that we all have issues that we a battling with. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteUr story is so touching..u've been 2ru a lot and I must say u are strong....And yes!,,u do need help
ReplyDeleteYou really need Systematic Desensitization and only a professional psychotherapist or psychologist can do it for u.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteYou are very normal. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Coming from your abusive past, you didn't turn out too bad. You are not a prostitute, an armed robber or worse. Your greatest achievement are those 2 kids.
You never had the opportunity to fall in love. Its a beautiful, wonderful feeling but it can also turn sour and be terribly hurtful. I think you should count your blessings. Try and make the best of your situation and forget about things you can't have. Love your husband and kids. Don't feel you are missing anything. I think most women have had times when there partner's touch repulsed them. Its a mind thing. Focus on your home and forget the past.
You are fine my dear, i am so sorry to read about your traumatic experiences. You need a therapist asap, you do not feel love, or sex because all the So called love and sex were associated with violence/force. So you have now associated love/ sex with trauma that you experienced before you married. Please see a therapist or a serious pastor. My heart goes out to you and your family. God bless you my sister.
ReplyDeleteThis woman have been soooooo abused! Go see a specialist quick.
ReplyDeleteBcos Men were the pple that abused u, u tends to grow hatred 4 all men including your Husband! However, you are wrong abt the latter..
ReplyDeleteMy Suggestions..
1. Start by forgiving everyone
2. Forgive yourself too
3. Rub off your slate and start a clean slate
4. Start by loving yourself and determine to be happy
5. Start getting involve with your family by appreciating your husband and Kids. How? Explore good things about your family. Discover your husband positives and make your husband work on his negatives, if any by discussing with him
6. Involve God more in your family and pray together
7. Do not re-visit your past experience again or reveal it to your husband. Men by nature are jealous! It might be difficult for him to forget. Some past are meant to be in the past. Don't keep it as a secret, it will keep hunting you...Forgive, rub it off from your record slate. 8. You need to understand your body as relation to sex. You need to know your G spot. You need to know what can course you to have organism. You need to learn, study your body. You need to free your my from the past. You need to be determined about giving yourself a chance to enjoy sex. How? Read a lot of literatures about the subject sex, what videos abt same subject, get blue film and watch. Watching another woman enjoying sex my help you psychologically, get some sex magazines. If you can get those materials yourself, involve your husband. How? Tell him you want both of you to improve your sex life and by that, you feel those materials will be of help. Note: your husband might be noticing your detachment too and your suggestion will excite 95% of men. Almost all men want to please their women, but in reality less than 15% can actually do!
Finally, make God the solid rock of your family and it will be well with you.
Soo sad 2 hear al diz, ure very normal my dear, first of all u need 2 seek guardians frm God, u need grace 2let go of ur anger if not it'll destroy u. May God be ur strength, we humans r our own enemies,somppl were made by d devil always taking advantage of d weak.
ReplyDeleteHow come pple always call a child an achievement? Beats my imagination that pple call what gives som pple sleepless nights achievement.If I had the opportunity,i'd kill my two kids here and now cos their father doesn't even care,so why should I bother?Not even ready to be pitied by anyone....i just said Wat I feel like doing if am given the opportunity.#Wicked men#regrets#
ReplyDeleteLmao!
DeleteDo you work @ Total?cz we have a sad staff with 2kids.
DeleteI wish every nig man (both single and married) can read dis.
DeleteLook at how ur actions can drive a woman in2 such frustration and bitterness.
Dis is a woman wu moaned during s*x, wu concieved for u, went tru d discomfort of pregnancy and labour two times.
Here she is, nt willing to tink 2ce b4 killing her own kids.
Dear Men, don't bcos every1 is getting married, join d band wagon. if u no u aint redy or matured for marriage dont drag an innocent wman, in2 marriage oly to mk her life miserable.
Did she use her mouth to tell u shes sad? ?MSTCHEWWWW! So if I wrk at total it means I dnt have problems? I'd rather give away all the money just to have peace and leave happilly.Cos somtimes, what u plan to make outta life isnt wat life offers.This is the only mistake I ve made since I was born and I just wish I could turn back the hands of time.I will never trust any man in my life again!Infact, human beings re wicked.
DeleteHa! Come make I carry you go where them dey find pikin with torch, blood sweat and tears. You go know say na divine certificate you hold. My dear life isn't that hard. You just have a bad husband Abi na baby daddy that's all. Take heart darling and bring those babies up well so they won't b like their father.
DeleteLol@kill them!
DeleteU can put them up for sale sha that will be less mean'lol!
Pls pray for ur children they will Change.and stop seeing their wicked father in them(or thru them),cos thats what is making u more angry than u should!
Kids are a blessing from God and Weapons of war and protection in ur old age.so pls don't give up on ur children.
@ Madam Total: if you are truely my colleague at total with 2kids(A and O) but always very sad just know that your mother runied your marriage and you helped her by running off to court 1st without discussions, prayers, counseling. Be strong, we pray 4 you and you will find love again. #Team Total Married Women#
DeletePoster #13 You sound really depressed. I'm sorry your children's father isn't responsive for his kids but you MUST NOT take it out on those innocent children. Please don't let your depression overwhelm you to the point of killing your children.
ReplyDeleteBeing a mother and rising children is a huge task and it doesn't come easy. Children can be a handful but that's why they are just that, children. Please give them up to responsible and willing carers while you sort yourself out mentally. Hugs
To the initial poster whose story this is, I'm sorry you've had such a rough past. Writing to Stella is a big step towards seeking hop and healing. Be strong and find a counsellor to offload your burden on. You will be fine. Hugs.
God forgive u
ReplyDeleteGod forgive u
ReplyDeleteGod forgive u.Anon 11:09
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you have actually being through a lot and you are transferring the aggression from the abuse you suffered to your husband! You need to talk about your experience with someone "a problem shared is a problem half solved", when you talk about your experience with someone you trust then you can finally let go of the past and forgive those that hurt you! The road to recovery is long and painful but you will finally learn to love and appreciate your husband and children and know that every man is not a monster!
ReplyDeleteVisit koolblend.blogspot.com for true life stories you can't afford to miss.
My dear you are not alone, I too have an abusive past, I was molested as a child and because I didn't grow up with a father figure, I craved that fatherly love, whenever a guy told me he loves me I believe it and immediately convince myself that I am also in love with him too, whatever he wants I do, even sex which I have never enjoyed. I started dating at 19, I am 24 and I av never enjoyed sex, the thought of sex creeps me out and it comes with a lot of guilt as I read the bible, so I run away from men bcause of it, I also don't know what it feels like to be in love. I tried psychologists, tried talking about my problem but nothing, I dream of having a happy family someday, with a loving husband and kids but dunno how its gonna happen with my problem but I'll keep looking onto God.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteAm speechless o, I don't av much to say.
But whateva u do, do not live ur marriage.
Do not live the man whom u bore 2 kids for.
Plz, enjoying sex or orgasm isn't d sole entirety of marriage.
Learn to love ur husband (it wld take time), makeup excuses for him if e annoys u. So long e is a good man n doesn't hit u.
D reality abt life is you can't av everytin u want from life. If life throws u a lemon plz make a lemonade.
Plz don't go on an 'ULTIMATE SEARCH' lookin for love, plz stat by loving ursef, looking good, taking care of ur kids, n enjoyin life. Wit time tins wld fall in2 place. Apply wisdom in all dat u do.
I don't no wat advice to give concernin d rape. I wish u well #CheersDear!
Cc@anon 11.09am u equally need help. U even need more help dan d writer!
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, ur story just gave me the chills. U took d first step and that is opening up to SDK. But hun don't punish ur husband for the sins of others, learn to love him, appreciate him, it will take time but u'll get there. Also love urself , dat is sumtin u need to do. Forgive those other men that hurt u in the past, only God will judge them. Be thankful for who u turned out to be, u didn't give up then so u can't start now. U will come to love sex eventually... Also see a therapist if u can find one. God bless u
ReplyDeleteDear poster,pls don't ever tell your husband knowing men for who they are he will use it against you some day,you have to start forgiving those who hurt you and pray to God to help you let go of your hurt and pain.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! People are here telling her to tell her husband with all she has gone through. My dear DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND oh. Infact he will turn to the fourth rapist overnight. Infact all your whole nightmares will just revisit you. Our men are too insensitive to things like this and oh bebe, u go so regret telling him. Rather try and find a counsellor who will advise you on how to let go and have a new beginning. One love
DeleteShyla
My dear u need spiritual help and what I mean is deliverance. From your story, u had an abusive childhood, you lost ur mother, u don't know who your father is, now you are married u don't love ur husband and kids. Tell me d truth, do u think that talking to a therapist, psychologist, husband or friend would solve ur problem? Take your problem to God, forgive those that hurt u in d past and visit the Synagogue Church Of All Nations for deliverance. You need deliverance because its not normal to hate your children, its not normal to be unhappy, its not normal to hate having sex with your husband, its not normal not to have strong feelings for someone. All these was a result of ur abusive childhood and its not your fault. You don't know what family curse or demon is responsible and so u need spiritual healing. Its only God that can solve ur problem permanently.
ReplyDeleteNobody should dare insult or curse me because of my comment and if u do back to u and ur family IJN. This is my honest opinion and advice
Hmm sad
ReplyDeleteMy dear the first step is to forgive your abuser and yourself,love yourself and everything about you then you love your husband,when I say love your husband I mean adore your man and treat him like a king reflexly he will treat you like a queen, let your quard down when your with him , get some pornographic stuffs and watch with him, tell him you want to please him more in bed, open your heart and get tipsy if necessary and let him gently and sensually take u to the moon and back
ReplyDeleteI dunno whether to ask u to tell your husband or not I told my boyfriend almost fiancé about my slim chances of having kids guess what he took off God will guide you
ReplyDeleteU̶̲̥̅̊ all spoke,may God intervene
ReplyDeletemy dear the key is forgiveness, first forgive urself and all those idiots who took advantage of you and release them from your mind. you don't have to tell your husband or anyone anything.Ask God to heal you and create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you. It is well with you dear.
ReplyDeleteYou'll find peace in Christ my dear.It is well with you in Jesus' name.
ReplyDeleteWow! May God intervene in your life and raise you up..
ReplyDeleteYou have to tell yourself you're better than a lot of people out there. after everything a wonderful man found you. make up your mind to appreciate him and love him. it wont be easy but pray to God to help you. you also have to forgive those who have hurt you cos it will hinder a lot in your life. start with your mind and tell yourself u are wonderfully made and God has blessed you.
ReplyDeleteOyibo
Stella this picture sef ugly gan. Dear anonymous u r not alone. I don't enjoy sex as well. I don't feel a thing. I think it's cos I don't have clitories. Its is possible u don't have too. But if u do then ur issue is holding on past incidents. Seek spiritual help. Seek God to liberate u of the burden. Telling ur spouse might just make it worse. God bless u and give u peace.
ReplyDeleteyou are in church and reading a blog? what did you go to do in church? you need deliverance....that why we have wishy washy Christians who do not make any impact cos they lack dept....smh
ReplyDeletequeen hadassah get your facts right the person who hates her children is a different person.......pastor TB Joshua is demonic don't advise people to go there pls....
ReplyDeleteyour husband is meant to be the closest person to you.....tell your husband and if he uses it against you then he doesn't deserve you or truly love you....if he begins to maltreat you then leave his sorry arse......you deserve a better in life and trust me there are good men out there who will love you for what you are.....however start by talking to a counselor.....all the best
ReplyDeletedont tell your husband anything.....i had 3 abortions while in the university and told my husband now cos we are looking for a child after 8 years he sometimes uses it to insult me even after i have had 3 miscarriages.....i know people who have had abortions up to 10 times and have kids......God dey sha
ReplyDelete