Dear Stella/Blog Visitors,
I am a 41 year old woman. I got married 4years ago but started staying with my hubby two years ago cos he was leaving abroad.
I am still waiting on the Lord for d fruit of the womb. For over 2years I have been with my hubby am the breadwinner and it's not been easy. My hubby has refused to work and even does not want to do anything for a living.
The two cars we have are all mine,I fuel d cars, buy diesel for d generator, food stuff for d home to the extent I buy recharge card s for his phones. Have tried so many times to hook him up with all my contacts so as to assist him in getting contract since am privilege to work with one of the international oil company.
He want to stay abroad and to be precise USA, but my thought is this, if he can't hustle here in Nigeria, how is he going to manage in the states, we usually travel to the states and Europe on vacations and we all know how things are abroad. Now he wants to go stay abroad and expects me to resign and join him later.
My husband prefer to stay on the line chatting with various women, he can afford to stay in doors all through the year chatting so far there is light and Internet
He is so lazy to work.I forgot to mention that he has a 6 years old son with his ex girlfriend.
So my question is should I leave him to travel and start life all over again or should I just go for an adoption since age is not on my side and I can comfortably take care of a child with my income instead of spending all my resources on this lazy man.
Please I need your mature and always on point advise...Thank you all in advance.*If you love him..........
You can try surrogacy since you can afford it and make yourself a happy woman... Hold on to God!
ReplyDeleteI'm so angry with you for asking these questions...you alredy know he is milking you...so what do you want to hear...ok leave him
DeleteAnd if you leave your job I will find you and give you three hot slaps...I'm serious o, ild get your details from stella and find you just to slap you
Baby, LEAVE that man, FLEE, FLEE, monkey go work baboon go chop, does he not have shame as a man, he is probably lying to his family and friends about situation of things bcos no1 would condone such an attitude, get a surrogate, have twins, get a nanny, and live hapilly ever after, SIMPLE ahn ahn that man is the devil, a leech, he doesn't desrve anything, if ure looking for who to dash 'milk, ur family, friends and orphanages wiLl not mind, even me sef, let me drop account number. Do let society dictate hw ur life shud be, 'must be married n all that crap,
DeleteHmmmmmmm
DeleteIn wasiu's tone: kaki nfe wosila mafi
owo ra aja, ti aja ba bi mo lemeji owo
Mi ape, (I'll rada buy dogs Dan marry wosila(lazy man)
Adopt or do surrogacy
Cus dis man already ve a child nd once u guyz get 2 d US he ll dump ur foolish ass 4 anola sweet small gurl dat he might be giving ur money sef
As u r still blinded by luv
Your job advertise you as being able to bankroll the home.there is no doubt about it,you are married to a jigolo/pimp. So that you won't blame anyone tomorrow, think and act for yourself now. I suppose it's only girls that put their emotions before them. You should know what your life need at your age
DeleteCorrect me if I'm wrong, but the best thing to do to this sort of man is to leave his a**e! It may be a separation but make sure you leave him for a while and stop funding his lifestyle. He's the man and has responsibilities that should be his. If he was going thru a rough patch at work, it's so very ok to help him out. But you know your man and if what you said about him is true, then pls leave him, unless you are prepared to continue till death do you part. Such men need a rude awakening to jolt them out of their stupidity sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMy aunty was in the same situation , they married 10 yrs ago , the man is educated oh but he wont work , she catered for him , she did everything in the house cus she had a good job. She now had to quit her job a few years ago and started her own business which wasnt yeilding much interest , just last month she called crying that her husband has left her, she couldnt ddnt have any kids with him but luckily for her she has a teenage daughter frm a previous reltnship . The guy has moved on to a richer woman , till date he isnt working! Please lady , adopt a baby or try a surrogate , ur baby will bring u all the joy u need! Pleaseeee dont stay with him!
DeleteStella, men like this reader's husband are plenty! I know one sef, fam frnd, useless to the core! He used to be a pastor sef, it's his wife I feel for, cause this man has gone to eastern african countries to impregnate girls there, has kids in about 3 different countries there, his wife knows only about 1. This man does not work, he even lives in his father in laws house. Whenever he comes to abj, I see him with diff girls. I feel for his wife cause she does not have a child of her own, and she recently moved back from yankee and still working to feed both of them, lovely nice and gentle woman to a fault. Sigh
DeletePls madam,adopt a baby or betterstill u can do ivf or surrogacy and have ur baby.ur husband is a lazy man.I had a friend in a similar situation and she eventually died after a fibrod operation cos she wanted a baby so bad at the end of the day,the man took over her properties and have since remarried.think very well
ReplyDeleteMadam y dd u settle for a serious commitment lik marriage wit dat kinda man.
ReplyDeleteCos u cnt say u ddnt see d signs!
Dose men ar called leaches.
Dese ar men dat ar very comfortable wit wateva coms dia way, no drive, no ambition, and very defensive.dey irritate d hell out of me.
Imagine aving to live d rest of ur life wit such a man. #Horrified!
madam, marital issues usually come with grave consequences, dey could either make or mar you.... in as much as u v tried to summarize d whole story, obviously dere r parts we the readers dont know!!! thats to say that the final decision lies in ur hands- life is short so happiness is a must, communicate all ur concerns to ur husband, u may also report the issue to your spiritual head... adoption truly isnt a bad idea better still u cud try other reliable forms of conception cos of ur age(IVF, etc). i reallly feel ur pain but pls dont relent in ur prayers....
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI almost didn't comment on this because I was so angry reading this. Why do seemingly independent, successful women do this to themselves? Why would you turn yourself into a doormat just to add the Prefix, Mrs to your name?
The only thing you are not doing for this guy is carrying him to the toilet and holding his dick to pee. Its not wrong to help one's husband. A lot of women are responsible for their husbands' success. But your husband is IRRESPONSIBLE and its your FAULT.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Free him. Let him go and live in the US. Let him make his own living. LET HIM WORK. You can go and visit him there as often as you can. If the baby is not happening for you, adopt and make yourself happy.
Exactly! You can go visit him whenever you want! Let him go to the US
DeleteBut from what she's said here, it seems she'll still have to be the one to foot the bills to send him abroad. Smh
DeleteI just couldn't stay without commentating. Men like these are weakening
My dear wake up from ur dreams o,ur hubby came for u cos of ur wealth and nothing else.as young as ur marriage is,he already chats and spends time with women,while u stay back to buy him recharge card for that
ReplyDeleteWith a son too and u are yet to have one.d worst u can do to urself is resigning from ur wrk,u will live to regret it.pls stop d spending and see how he reacts first to it,tell him u dnt have,gv reasons y u can't spend for sometime,and my candid advise,go get urself a child
Dat man has plans of killing her and relocating to the US with his Ex n thr son, he just needs to get everything done before he eliminates her. Mark my words. She shld carefully leave him without signs, if she stops spending, he ll eliminate her n nothing ll happen.
DeleteHonest opinion, stop supporting a grown man, he has two hands and two legs and i'm sure he has a college degree, you are not his mother or father. As soon as you stop supporting him, he will get a job, and trust me, none of the women out there that he's chatting with wants a jobless man, every woman wants a man with money in his pocket. Get pregnant and raise your kids, know that he's just a sperm donor. Friends will leave, men will leave but your kids will never leave you. You can try the medication clomid since you are in your 40s to help with conception (you might get multiples). Shine your eyes, men are wicked. You can't work in Naija, how is he going to survive abroad (you don't work, you can't survive is the policy). Good luck.
ReplyDeletePlease I need more info on this multiples&clomid chances. I'm 26 and want to get pregnant when my absentee bf comes nextyear. (not trying to trap him biko) we're getting married, I want to get pregnant,b4 we finalise d ceremony coz of his absence
DeleteU actually need to see ur doctor as regards for prescription on Clomid. It can't be self medicated bcos of its side effects. It leads to multiples, Yes! Buh it also causes multiple conception which is dangerous.
DeleteWow, in my opinion, I think leaving him will be better. Adopt a child and leave him to do whatever he wants with his life.
ReplyDeleteVehicle tracking solutions...call 08098349953
Stop wasting your life on dt man,u can as well adopt a child & divorce dt man, live like a single parent cos dt guy alrdy has a representative & sees you as one desperately in need of a partner & so just tryin to oblige dt urge.
ReplyDeleteIf she divorce him at 41, who's gonna be servicing her. Madame, remember it's for better, for. ...
DeletePealie you are crazy and so dumb...you use ur boobs to think. i mean she can get a better man to service her. Jst put urself in her shoes and stop thinking like a fish. As the madam,its soo unfair you are doing this to urself. I really feel bad for u. Dont u v relatives to talk to so they can atleast yank you out of this mess
DeletePealie kindly cover up......your boobs are not appealing. I'm actually disgusted at how they look.
DeleteFor better for worse gini? So far it is only on the internet I get to see that phrase, the day I hear someone suggest it in a situation I swear to God I will remove that person's tongue.
DeleteI still insist, I would never be impressed with Technology until the day I can give a resounding dirty slap to someone who makes stupid comments on the internet.
Ewu Gambia!!!
@ ivy, you are very silly with ur local hair style. Whom do you want to give a dirty slap to?
DeleteHahahahaha!!! Ivy, my new best friend!
Delete@ pealie. Looll
DeleteI find it very amusing that you would dare refer to anybody as local... Have you actually taken a good look at your profile picture? You put the L to the word mahn,
I say this all the time if you want to display your boobs at least make it worth the view. That shit I see up there is disgusting as hell and screams low self esteem.
Shey you people are seeing what cheap internet connection is causing in Nigeria? Now every pealie,dick n harry all have internet connections to voice out "stoopid" opinions. My friend GTFOH
Pealie! U need Jesus, all you talk about is sex.
DeleteLmao, who stays in Nigeria? Pls check my profile. Honestly, you look like a local breed.
Delete=))º°˚˚˚°ÂºLmaoº°˚˚˚°Âº=))@ Ivy u took d words outta my mouth,thanks 4 bashing this hoe called pealie.@ pealie honestly doll ur a pure local breed,get a life pulezzz..
DeleteLoool.... Sweetie so I guess it is the free WIFI you get from Macdonald's then? "No worry dem go soon block am"
DeleteCover your fucked up boobs mahn, Then come back here to address me. I'm on Vacay so I have all the time in the world for you and your likes!! Yeye fowl!! Lool
Nawa Oº°˚˚°Âº
ReplyDeleteAunty abeg run as fast as ur legs can carry u
Dis one nor be am
Due to ur age,I think u'll do anythn to save ur marriage,even tolerate all dis. But as stella says,if u love him. Tlk to him,I thnk it always boils down to tlkin,if that doesn't solve anythn,u shuld knw what to do. An idle man is d devils workshop,nd he's already chattin online. If u LOVE him,make it stick.
ReplyDeleteBut why?! Why would a man in his forties,nt hv anythn to do,hw did he care fr his 6 year old,bfr he met u. Or is this milking thng nt new to him. In his mind nw,he'll be sayin,I chose well.
The man had a motive before entering dt marriage n his baby mama is aware, they r chopping this womans money together n ll eventually kill her n get married. Thr is nothing to talk abt here. D woman is just another paying Maga.
DeleteIf she loves him.... she should do what? Abeg she should not encourage his lifestyle, what rubbish! Why r men like this? I thot they said women are gold diggers! This one worse pass; please adopt or try artificial insemination, get your baby and dump his broke, useless and lazy ass!
ReplyDeletePls visit koolblend.blogspot.com for true life stories you can't afford to miss!
DeleteHope she didn't go to marry a child all in a bid to bear "married' cos time is not on her side.
DeleteCos such immature men behave like that,they even feel they are doing u a favour marrying u!
Unto talk to him,forget it,he will never change!dats just him!used to have a BF like that before I married,there was no advice or encouragement I didn't give him,but no change probably Cos his mentality is dat of collecting from women and he's like that till today!.had to do away with him asap!
@poster,just forget him and move on to the next,since he can't even. Pregnant u,whats his use?cos truely time is not on u side!so no time to keep holding on for such a looser!
Gbam. Queen bee you too much!
Deleteone word - DUMP HIM, sorry that was 2 words.
ReplyDeleteGet a donor sperm, do IVF and carry on. seriously, a man that is a liability is worse than no man.
If you are worried about cultural pressures, dont drop his name .
Have a ball girl, soon, your pussy will get dry.
From your writing,it shows you are fed up of him, u hate the fact that he is lazy and doesn't want to work,but considering the fact that you married late (37), you dnt want to return to being miss or ms. The answer you seek however lyes in your heart! Weigh the options, peruse the pros and cons and make a wise decision..
ReplyDeleteMadam, you answered your question at the end of your write up. Please do yourself and your blood pressure a favor and severe all ties with this man.
ReplyDeleteGod forbid...... But if you lose your job,he will drop you like a bad habit. Men are not like us, they can move on without batting an eyelash.
It shall be well with you and us all. Amen
Do you need anyone to advise u on this matter? It's obvious he's using u. You better leave his lazy asa and move on with ya life. Age isn't on ur side doesn't mean u should suck it up with a loser. There are so many ways u could get children and as u mentioned, "adoption"
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you're not married at all. Don't leave certainty for uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteYour last statement is the best advise.
ReplyDeletedear poster, u will make d biggest mistake of ur life if u resign from ur work nd join that lazy husband of urs. Adopt if u can.
ReplyDeletepls visit my blog, www.suspenseandemotions.blogspot.com
U ma sef geh blog??? Na wa o. Too many aspiring failed Blogger already
DeleteHello my dear poster, let me start by saying there's no scripture that allows a woman to b the bread winner of d home, if u had said he's believing God for open doors I wld understand, it is so unacceptable to feed a grown man pls, he's wicked, all he wants is ur money, how can u b married to ursef? A man without a contribution? Nd u still open ur legs for him? He doesn't even appreciates u , did u force him to marry u? If u leave him today trust me u wil find a man dat befits ur status , a man dat will contribute to d home , ur husband is a gigolo pls let him go nd b fast abt it, I felt like throwing up wen I read d recharge card accept Oh No! My dear u are a wife indeed but u need a man dats serious wit life. Move On , Move On, Move On......
ReplyDeleteTalking about recharge card,it made me remember a colleague's story,she married a lazy,wasteful unambitious but fine boi no pimples hehehe!dat period they met,she showed him to the world 'in a proud tone:'cant u see my fiance,isnt he so cute'ha!his 'beauty overwhelmed her cos she was damn ugly!btw the mofo showed up when she did a deal and hit 100mill!he came with the usual story from church:'God said u are my wife'and dat was it!she felt so privileged!they married.
DeleteTo cut long story,he made sure he squandered all that money on other gals,had accident with all the cars she bought for him for car biz,led her into wrong investment in property dat benefitted only he and his syndicate nyway.he made her put him on weekly allowance and recharge card?#surprised face#infact she was just his toy #shei she wan marry fine boi#
He was just bad luck,the 100mill finished within 2yrs no concrete investment and he dumped her sorry ass.that was the end of the story.now she's presently single and searching!
@poster,RUN o!na dem type u get for house so.
Ur husband does not love u, he is only taking advantage of u, and he also feels age is not on ur side so u will do anything to keep him. Why will he not hustle to make his woman happy???? There is no excuse for laziness. I was jobless when I got married, my wife was footing d bills but whenever she leaves for work every morning, I do all d house chores happily, dress up and go job hunting, I walk about dropping my cvs at different places, come bk before she gets home and cook so she will eat when she returns, she was footing all our bills and I was looking for a way to reduce d burdens for her. I remember taking part in Jamb invigilation, I was paid 3k at d end of d day, I got home, and handed everything over to her but she insisted I keep it. I finally got a very good job and was earning more than my wife, I give her my salary at d end of d month and she gives me pocket money, I also go to her when I need extra cash. I do this because I know she manages money better than I do. People around me especially relatives knows that she is in charge and I like it that way. She married me when I had nothing because she saw more than d present then. IJ dear, u are my queen and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Men if u love ur wife and know d true meaning of marriage, u must hustle no matter how small to make her happy.
ReplyDeleteUr post brought tears to my eyes , hmmm! True love still exist. God bless u for appreciating her.
DeleteGod bless you and keep your home.You're a good man
DeleteAwwwww! God bless you. I wish we have more men like you. Kudos.
DeleteOne in a trillion kinda man. God keep you guys happy.
DeleteBeing with someone is important. Staying alive, happy and strong is more important. Madam you married a little late and he feels he is doing you a favour cos thats how you acted (desperate).You overlooked the signs baby. They are always there. A lazy man can never decide to get off his ass especially because you are funding his lifestyle. By all means make a meaning out of this bitter lesson, look for happiness. Adoption is a great idea. You can also see Dr. John Idahosa of Diff hospital abuja.He can make good use of your ovaries. You should get a child to give all the love, time and attention instead of bothering with this leach.
What a shame. How things have changed. Some men these days don't want to be bothered about wearing the pants. They look for women who are older and financially flossing so they can ball. The age no dey even fear them. God will punish such men. Thats not what the Bible has asked men to be.
Mothers should try and teach their kids how to save from a very tender age and make them earn something doing chores around the house as well as holiday jobs so they see the importance of being responsible. . This mans parents failed him. Badly behaved and totally irresponsible. Mschewwww.
God bless you real good. You are truly a rare man indeed.
DeleteVery nice man,I love men that appreciate
DeleteUnlike ma hubby dat ÈŠ̝̊̅§ jobless n'he will wait for ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ to come back frm ma 8 to 7 job b4 packing his plate to the kitchen,so lazy.
DeleteWow! Im in tears , who ever u are mister, may God reign in ur marriage , u shall know no sorrow , God bless u for appreciating ur wife , u ppl shall be richer than u ever imagined with bright and clever kids , thank you for treating your wife like a queen , it is rare with Nigerian men! God bless u and thanks for sharing this with us
DeleteThis response overwhelmed me and has totally made my day!
DeleteI've heard stories like this but never quite thought there were men like that.
God bless you as you continue to do good by your wife!
Stella d diplomatic Queen...I smell sarcasm...hehehehe.To d question,somtyms I feel some posters are just faking it!I mean u know this guy is milking u,takes ur hard earned kish to call women,nt willing to settle down here(Naija),to top it up he is a lazy ass and u ask us what to do?Pls come off it!whatever makes u hapy do it...
ReplyDeleteI'm so angry , ur husband is a gigolo pls a big one @ dat , do u even understand d meaning of marriage? A man dat loves u will always assist u nd if u like go nd resign ur God given job bcos of America, u will sooooooooo suffer . Don't try it pls Don't. I'm not against a woman supporting d home o, I'm only against a lazy ass husband. He's wicked , nd a fool @ 40 is a fool forever cos I knw he's above 40.
ReplyDeletePls madam,adopt a baby or betterstill u can do ivf or surrogacy and have ur baby.ur husband is a lazy man.I had a friend in a similar situation and she eventually died after a fibrod operation cos she wanted a baby so bad at the end of the day,the man took over her properties and have since remarried.think very well
ReplyDeleteThis z exactly what happens when u date a broke, lazy guy. Sorry to digress...Like I always tell my friend thaz dating a lazy guy. He doesn't hv a job but he has a driver dat drives his car.....Madam, run for your life. At least in ur case u hv a good job...my friend is still a student and she uses her money 2 cook for the ugly fool.. Fine u no fine, money u no get, look for work na..problem...and na him like fuck pass
ReplyDeleteLeave him, Travel and start a new life shikena
ReplyDeletewww.yomiafolabi.blogspot.com
Your husband is wicked, simple
ReplyDeleteFirst of all get a divorce, but don't be in a hurry 2 get married again, get a boyfriend who is on dsame level as you , and try to have kids wit him, if it doesn't work then u can go and adopt.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,surely you must have seen this lazy trait in him during courtship? Anyway, e don happen, you have two options. 1. Cut your losses sharp sharp and move on with your life, he will forever be dependent on you and you have over the years enabled him. He sees you as his cash cow and he's not ready to change that setting any time soon. 2. Escort him to the airport and promise to join him soon,don't you dare send a dime to him when he gets there! Let him hustle his lazy ass and if by some miracle he manages to get a job that can support both of you,then join him. If you join him before he gets a job there you will end up being the one supporting him abroad as well,don't fall into that trap again.
ReplyDeleteleave his sorry ass
ReplyDeletedump his sorry ass like ASAP
ReplyDeleteU knw wat to do madam except dis is a fabricated story shikena
ReplyDeleteIf u're legally married 2 him,stay and pray 2 get pregnant and By God's grace hv twins or tripplet den jst 4get abt his sorry ass and spend on ur kids,don't divorce him ooo,bt mk sure he starves,don't gv him a dime,by d time hunger hammer am he'll look 4 a job and if he wants 2 leave 2 d nxt available rich woman,good riddance
ReplyDeleteI just ad to comment. #LOL
DeleteAbeg how does sh keep I'm, n yet starve him.
By locking d kitchen? U talkin as if d man na slave.
U are so funny
Pls o
DeleteDon't av kids by such a man abeg
If nt ur children go fit cari em laziness gene
As 4 w@ to do,
Leave him to go to his usa
Den 4get him
U're a mature woman and I'm sure u're in charge of ur emoxns
Dis one is nt love matter o
In life,
One has to be wise or u go hear gbege for humn beings hand..............
Am sorry to say this ...let me assume,if you are 41 and you married 4yrs ago, you married at the age of 37 to this man simply because you thought age was not in your side..and he probably has been lazy since then but you didn't care since all you wanted was a husband and since he's used to having you take care of him which was why he married you in the first place, I don't see him interested in hustling.pls I beg you in the name of God, do not ever leave your job for that kind of a man and follow him abroad..he would make sure he collects everything you travel with and run...so, you would be left with no option but to come back home miserable..now, no husband, no money.where would you start from?? Hmmmm
ReplyDeleteOn your side*
ReplyDeletehmmm, let him go and start a new you. he is taking advantage of u my dear sista. open ur eyes pls. all d best
ReplyDeleteWat made you date and accept to marry a man like dat? After one for that mattter! Why didn't he stay with with his baby mama?I hate poor and lazy men...will and can never stand them! Pls let him treck to the US and make sure ur dime isn't in his BTA, so when he disappears or anything happens, you won't regret why you wasted ur money on waste itself.
ReplyDeleteDrop his lazy ass like a sack of hot potatoes. You don't need this sort of leech in your life. Put a smile on a child's face by blessing him/her through adoption.
ReplyDeleteUse ur inner senses. But I advise u adopt a child who will take care of u in near future. He's a gold digger
ReplyDeleteHmmmm resign n Travel with him that would be worst mistake of ur life. U better sit here n work n adopt a child who will take of u later on. Its obvious d guy is useless! Empress
ReplyDeleteLet me just be honest with u,u are a big fool with capital letter.u be big mumu.at age 40 u are asking for advise on what to do in a matter like this,i have one word for u give up ur job and ur life for a useless i.d.i.o.t you call husband.what do u expect me to advice u,to leave him?mumu kill ur self for him.ewu at 40 that can not use her like an adult u are.come and suck breast ewu nmee.u want go america with lazy punk,u go surfer tire if u try am.stupid woman with a stupid question.
DeleteHe is a big fool.lazy idiot like him just leave him $ move on wit ur life bcs dt 6yrs old son of his is givn him hope. He has a son $ u dnt ve any pls my dear walk away $ go 4 adpotion ok! It's well.....
ReplyDeleteStella, which kind of luv be dat? How can u love a lazy man. Sum1 who is nt ready to work who prefers to be spoonfed. Abeg my sister, pls leave d man and start a new life. U don't deserve dat kind of man. God will guide u to ur ryt man.
ReplyDeleteDon't think age in not on your side God can still bless you with a child.as 4 youur hubby hmmmm don't know what 2say just do what will make u happy
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. Delay is not denial. My neighbour is 49, she just had triplets. Leave the sorry ass. Dat one no be hubby.
DeletePls adopt ooh...cos a lazy man is always a lazy man...
ReplyDeletethe guy is lazy. pls drop the idiot and move on with your life.good for nothing man.Thief
ReplyDeleteYour husband thinks he is doing u a favour by marrying u. Hence he sees it as ur duty to take care of him. Stop fueling the cars, threaten to quit the marriage if he don't find something doing.
ReplyDeleteAnd please don't quit ur job.
Let me define marriage according to a friend of 63 years old. He defines marriage as 'permanency where there is no permanency'. My dear, kick his ass out of your sweet life, men are the most wicked creature God created. My man kicked my ass simply because I told him I have fibroid, u see, no man on earth is patient to stand genuinely by any woman so why should women be. If na the Mrs you dey fear to loose, tell the society that pressurized you to get married that the husband you married is a failure.
ReplyDeleteThings women do jst to bear Mrs somebody..reality check;u married him with ur moni hoping u wuld cope wit his laziness since u r doing well for urself n now its not as easy as u tot...my own 1kobo is,get preggy as soon as possible by all means,allow him go to d moon if it suits him,zero ur mind off him, nuture n love ur child n above all love urself DEEPLY!...even cows run outta milk,b wise n its well with thee
ReplyDeleteThis is what happen's when women marry soooo late! This man see's you as an old desperate spinster, he believe's he is doing you a favour by marring you, una go take men make shakara so tey, when una don old finish men go come take una dey make shakara. At your age i am very sure you know what to do, but since you said you don't my advice is you leave him. He is using you!
ReplyDeleteMind u not every girl intend 2marry late.they might be some issues u know
DeleteU just spoke like a complete fool. Do u think is abt marring early? MAN propose God disposes, some ladies have never been proposed 2 b4, some married early and lost everything, i.e mc loph mother a typical example, him his sis mum and dad re no more on dis earth with us, mic boss and his son on d plane crash, d woman that lost all her kids @ Gra traffic light, I blv his husband is a medical doc in luth... and yet some that married late, age with there grand kids... think b4 u speak Nxt time, don't think u know cos u dont
DeleteDo you really want your child(ren) to carry the indolent genes that lays residence inside your "hubby"? You are smart enough to discern right from wrong. do what is right.
ReplyDeletep.s the number of gigolos in disguise as husbands in Nigeria is frightening. Ladies, shine your eyes well well o.
Madam...leave such a man and go for surrogate. Such a man is not helping you in anyway. Except you holding him down for sexual satisfaction. That is my candid advise..
ReplyDeleteNawa oo,before I put mouth for the matter I want to remind us all tht every revelation has a genesis.This woman must hv gotten married at 37 and has always had this guy as a gigolo.She perhaps sponsored their wedding.Then good sex was wht mattered most but now reality has stroke she needs more commitment unfortunately it can't happen in a flash. You can't expect a guy who has always lived off women to start fending for himself automatically.Just saying
ReplyDeleteIt's unnatural for a man not to hustle . Sorry to say oo but ur hubby must be a gigolo.Something is giving him moral to mess you up.The sex perhaps.There is more to marriage than sex.Divorce his ass and move on. Your 41 already and time is ticking.
ReplyDeleteIf you allow it, your husbands will milk you to the bones. He would even add milk, sugar and Bournvita into the mix. Long story cut short, keep your purses ladies.
ReplyDelete"I got married 4years ago but started staying with my hubby two years ago cos he was leaving abroad"...Your opening statement makes me wonder if you are a fall out of his cyber chatting habit.Forgive my conclusion.You didn't state how you met. Was he working when he lived abroad? Did u convince him to join you in Nigeria with the promise that you can cater to him until he stands on his feet?Not a bad idea,after all you re married and at your age,its best to keep at it regularly for conception to happen. However,If the foundation is faulty,the building will of cos be shaky.Be that as it may,Marriage is not what you walk in and out of.That is why you must be vigilant before you take the plunge.what to do now with the situation on ground?.. Solution number one: Move abroad with him;that's if he works for a living there and not being a cyber lover to many. Solution two: Use him to get a baby at all cost.Explore the alternatives provided by commentators.Begin with clomid for some cycles.Last retort IVF. Solution three:Divorce his couch potato bum and think twice about adopting a baby(Don't adopt with him in the picture.He won't father that kid in any way). Warning tho: No marriage is perfect.Couples wallow in problems way bigger than yours.He's not slapping you around is he? Just a lazy man who may be suffering from culture shock after living overseas for years.if you made him feel you "got this"(Bills),excuse his laxity.This poster is mainly about having a baby.His joblessness magnifies the failure of that.if there was a child in the equation you probably won't ve noticed his sorry self. Don't end a marriage when intervention has not be exploited completely. Pray too o. Goodluck! Signed:wide eyed!
ReplyDeleteWide eyed ur amazing! Brilliant reply. I love you!xxxoxo
DeleteGbam, this is all the advice she needs.
DeleteI scrolled all the way down just to read ur own comment. You are very articulate and intelligent in thinking. Love u plenty. Your comments always gladen my heart hehehe
DeleteExactly My sister,well said. People dont tend to tell the whole story, they skip the part were the catalyst was introduced and complain when the whole reaction is blown up.Its not bad to support a Man you love but pls the word is " support". A man wld gladly leave his responsibility for you if you decide to show him hw strong you are.They are natural opportunists.We women shld learn to protect our selves .some ladies here shouting "divorce his ass" are facing the same problem in a different way, Their working husbands are milking them and milking them real hard. I wonder which is worse.So the guy is good looking, calls you baby all the time ,calls you at work to tell you he loves you and takes you to cloud 12,potent so you can hv a child with him. but is not working.Its all up to you, Wht is your priority?
DeleteMerci
DeleteLeave him!
ReplyDeleteAdopt a child or go for surrogacy and stay in Nigeria as you have a good income.
Please don't make the MISTAKE of going abroad with him.
He is a LAZY bum!
Best of luck.
Shebi you wan marry,you too wan be Mrs somebody,Oya see am oh,you are now Mrs breadwinner
ReplyDeleteThis is so SAD!!!
ReplyDeleteNo @Moi, you are wrong. This is what happens when women believe that there is something wrong with them if they have not married by 30. They attract evil men like this with their low-self esteem
ReplyDeleteCan I kiss you for this comment?
DeleteDnt divorce him....no need, if he wil go for ivf den OK. If dat doesn't work pls adopttttt!!!!!! Madam also in d quest for pregnancy be careful. As for him STOP funding him, he wil probably dump ur ass........save ur money, nd adopt raise a family. D last tin u cn do for him sef na to helpp am buy ticket so e go comot for road. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, zero ur mind from him.
ReplyDeleteMadam biko throw him out of ur house, his eyes ll open n he ll find a job b4 coming back. Imagine turning a full grown man to toddler... Happily adopt a child n live your life. Be careful o, dat kind man fit kill u 1day 2 have it all.... A word is enough 4d wise.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why we ladies make this same mistake over and again?I'm sure the signs were there from the get go but you decided to forge ahead.There's no compromise for happiness not even taking a man's last name.I'll advise that you allow him go while you sort yourself out because he has ended up messing you up.
ReplyDeleteLet him go biko.Start all over once he leaves.Good riddance!
pls let him go
ReplyDeleteHe does not love you @ all
Just go and go Ivf......or u adopt........leave that lazy man and move on
#Goodluck#
Typical case of "I must remain and die a mrs by fire by force" mschewww osiso...
ReplyDelete@ivy...my dear,,u no lie.
DeleteSociety na im dey push all ds women to do,,,,''i must marry,,,if i no marry,,,na die oo''
Lord have mercy....
Lord gv us a good husband,,,not a liability.
My dear there is fire on the mountain run! run! run!. this guy is a leach, if anything happens to you like lose your job or ill health((God Forbid) he will drop you like hot potatoes. Am talking from experience.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteCan u go screw ur pathetic self and stop trying to scam pple?ur such an asshole!
Delete@ mary is dis spell caster a pastor or an heberlist? Pls I need to knw. Thanks
DeleteHahahahahahahahahahahah. See wahala.
DeleteNawa oo, please keep him to urself, if it was dat easy, i go just cast spell on top paddy Adenuga. I blame stella for uploading such rubbish. Wahala dey oo, pple r now scamming people looking for love. Women please dont be desperate biko.
DeleteNo offence ma'am but it seems to me that you jumped into marriage with this man based on "age is no longer on my side"
ReplyDeleteDesperation has pushed many women into marrying good-for-nothing men.
Right now you seem to be the man of the house...ar ghhhhhh! Ko da! Wharahell? As in for what now?
Except if u just want to be tied to the title "Mrs" otherwise there is nothing more attached.
Fraudster!!! Dromoba ko!!!! only desperate and foolish women will fall for that scam!
ReplyDeleteMary/Commentator 81, please we don't patronise witch doctors on this blog. Tufiakwa!! Wonders shall never end.
ReplyDeletethis shit it fraud BEWARNED!!!
ReplyDeleteO Naija women, so he is broke...y'all don't think she should pray and talk to people to speak sense into him. He is worse than a wife beater and cheat(well he is a cheat). You all slay me I swear. See uproar!!!
ReplyDeleteMadam, this is not marriage. This man is the child you are seeking. How can one support a lazy man like this? Single is not a disease, being taken for a ride...hmmm. Please be sensible and save yourself. Adopt, IVF, anything...stop funding this boy and his girlfriends, cause you know he is spending your money on other women.
So we have this kind of men in 9ja? well good women attract bad men while good men attract bad women, Shameful thing. How can a man wait for a wife or even girlfriend to support him? No wonder 9ja women abuse us men nowadays. Pls ask him to go back abroad then u will join him later, what u do next is divorce his ass as soon as he travels. Get a new apartment and start ur new life. He is waste of time. Me i never see woman wey buy me even perfume self na only give me give women i dey see. Even the so called big girls want mine. See our men.
ReplyDeleteA man does all these and you are still considering playing the fool. You probably might become wise when he milks u dry and disappears with his next cyber lover. Drop him like hot coal. Why be a fool at 41?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNa pure gigolo..madam go adopt oo
ReplyDeleteMadam Stella, pls stop enabling all these spell casters advertising their handiwork in disguise, soon desperate chics will start using it to hypnotize people's husband o! Anyway, mine is covered by the blood of the lamb, any trespasser shall be burned by fire! iJN! Amen! @Poster, are u a learner? Open ur eyez.....
ReplyDeletewhen they are younger like vegetable,they rejects there true love,but when they are getting older they choose to have any things that called his self a man,,is a pity,time no dey manage am like that,loneliness after day works at home too badoooo
ReplyDeleteI have an aunt in almost same situation as you madam. Infact if not for the exception that you are yet to have your baby, i would have sworn she is the poster. The difference between you both is that she has two kids but the so called husband? Nothing to write home about. Exactly the definition of yours. She would slave and slave and this man would squander and squander.she works in an oil company as well. This husband of her's used her as collateral to colkect money from the bank. Of course he couldnt pay back and the bank went on to hold my aunt for his debts. She didnt have a choice, she paid. This man started plotting to kill her after ransacking for all documents of her houses and cars.
ReplyDeleteAs God would have it, she heard of his plan, called him with an unknown number and muffled the mouthpiece pretending to be his lover of whom they were both planning to kill my aunt. Here goes....she told him she has a poison that would kill her without trace and the useless man was excited with joy and told (supposed lover) my aunt that indeed he has been able to grab documents of two of her houses. He requested they meet soonest so that he can collect the poison to administer as soon as he can.
The whole conversation was recorded and that was the end of that marriage.
Madam please marriage is not a do or die. It is better to be single and happy than married and frustrated.
You have the money , explore options of getting a kid. I wish you well.
Try 2 pretend as if u lost ur job and DAT u'r broke as in broke and u'll see hw his love 4u will vanish and he will b d one 2 divorce u.
ReplyDeletesorry na by mistake i use enable the spell caster
ReplyDeleteMadam Stella u too much abeg! I no kuku see d comment...
DeleteNa wa oh... Na you be the Husband Here now. Its obvious with your write-up!!! Please take a bold step and put an end to it. The wife is a Help-mate and not The Head of the Family. SO ITS HIS DUTY TO PROVIDE WHILE YOU SUPPORT.
ReplyDeletehttp://sleek-lady.blogspot.com
I'll advice u to leave him oo . Same thing happened to me . He almost made me severe ties with my siblings if not 4 d grace of god. Mine was lazy and also d emoional abuse was just too much for me. I did wat was best 4 me ; sent d broke ass idiot packing
ReplyDeleteEveryone has said it. Pls adopt or do IVF and dump d loser
ReplyDeletedon't mind all the people abusing you. they are the same ones that are quick to abuse rita dominic, genny and linda ikeji for not marrying. Please since you have money, explore all options for pregnancy. Don't wallow in ignorance, There are several assisted reproduction methods out there. It can happen naturally, after all Halle Berry just had a baby at 47 but still, try different methods. When you have your baby, you will have peace and you won't even have time for his laziness. You will not even notice him cos the kids will give you joy. Then you can decide what to do with him, whether to waste prayer time on him or not. Remember that there is no marriage in heaven.
ReplyDeleteGod be with you.
Aunty keep him eh and keep feeding him. You all will sit with a man that pummels your face and brings home STDs to say you are married. Let me make a note to start talking to my sisters abeg. As some of the commenters have said Marriage is not by force o. This one ma no be marriage. Even as a guy, I fit adopt give a child a better tomorrow than sit with one aimless woman in the name of marriage. Aunty, too many children need love o...focus on that and not this overgrown baby you call a husband. Some guys ma no try.
ReplyDeleteI feel so sorry but sick at the same time to have you ask this kind of a question. Love is a 2way thing. But since you wanna know what to do, my candid advise is....QUIT! Never you ever give up your job for a dreamer. A lizard in Nigeria can never become a crocodile in the US. We all travel and we know what it is like for lazy men like him. By the way l love that cow there in the pix...perhaps, I need some milk too. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah, beautiful cow
DeleteMaybe the poster dey beautiful too
Plss dump his ass, dats wat african culture causes, esp nigeria mk ladies do, d keep criticizing dem cuz d aint married at d end of d day d get married to rejected fools mchwwww, I hate wicked men
ReplyDeleteThis is so cool. You are a real man. Welldone.
ReplyDeleteCommenter #110 @ October 7, 2013 at 9:16 PM, I made the comment about clomid and multiples, why do you need it at 26 years old? I'm sure your ovaries are very much healthy compared to a 41 year old woman, so go and try to conceive naturally. And from a medical stand point, fertility drugs is recommended after trying to conceive actively for one year. Good Luck.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, i would like to say that advice is what we ask for when we know what to do, but wish we did not!
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, yes, please resign, leave your good job, go and find a menial job in the US (by the way are you a citizen? or is he) and continue fending for him (and his girl friends there).
When he has finished using you like the recharge cards you buy him, you will come back to Nigeria, but oops, you will be unemployed and begging your former colleagues (and maybe your many contacts) for bread!
Non sense *hiss*
Your wife is so lucky....
ReplyDeleteIvy 100
ReplyDeletePealie 0
Ivy you don win oh winner
i hope by the time i finish typing this you have left the lazy goat......try IVF or surrogacy and when you have a kid divorce his sorry arse....at least you had the child for a former husband...thank God u don't need him to sustain yourself so u can take care of your child.......time waits for no one...no dulling yourself for any man abeg, they are not worth the stress...
ReplyDeleteAnother "hints magazine" post. I see say u no gree post my comments, na u sabi, as long as u see them. Just wanted to inform u that aloba has posted another story for u to go and steal and take down after 48 hrs. Shei fuel don de finish for ur car? I de wait for another sizzling story from u o " titled" how my daughter is sleeping with father" CHICKEN!
ReplyDeleteCalm down madam, you wan kie yasef 4 another man palavar. Check your BP!!!! ROFL..
ReplyDeleteEm.....I just had to take a look at pealies pic....
ReplyDeleteIs it me or does her boobs lOok like a wall? Also, is she wearing darling yaki?
Just asking....
Ivy hun, we have just become internet buddies for this comment.
@Mrs D
DeleteLool pardon my Zero tolerance for unintelligent Cyber Mofos!!
anon @ #22. I was so impressed and touched reading your comment. I didn't know such men still exist in Nigeria. God bless you abundantly. May your wife forever give you joy. May happiness be your constant companion in your marriage. Amen.
ReplyDeleteI think the foundation of the marriage is faulty. How did you get involved and the circumstances, in the first place; Why would he ask you to quit your job while he's jobless and travel abroad; what was he doing abroad and why did he come back? I think an original mistake has been made and if truly it is a genuine marriage, you should talk to him on the dire need to wake up to face the realities of life. Not just the Nigerian environment! God will answer your prayers on the fruit of the womb! Combined tests is recommended. Don't mind the issue that he already has a child; who knows whether the pregnancy was foisted on him. He might as well not be the biological father!
ReplyDelete@ivy,havent you heard this saying "do not get involved in an argument with a fool,people from the distance might not be able to differentiate".To compound matters,you changed the picture she bashed you over.That implied pealie(rather boobie) touched a raw nerve.
ReplyDelete@wide eyed,you gave the best response,a well balanced one.(this is coming from your "darlyn" you tagged a stammerer on foluke daramola's story.lol)
leave the man, let him travel abroad and start afresh. *****MIMI****
ReplyDeleteanon#3 ur story sounds like Mee's story
ReplyDeletethat was a bitter one to swallow
dear lady pls leave that guy unless there's something you are enjoying and u dont want us to know
let his move abroad now, he wants to come to the US, bid his lazy ass goodbye, he wl send u emails - hopefully he's a ble to pay for internet and on the other hand he may turn out to be good and useful to himself, remember he's doing all these because u are catering for his needs and since he knows u can pet him like his mother, hes taking u for a ride, when the reality sets in that guy wl buckle up and make money and hammer another mama
get IVF and have ur own child, if u rich go surrogacy, if u dont want that adopt!
life is not so hard anymore except u wanna make t hard for yourself!
HYBunny