.jpeg)
Hello Stella and Blog visitors
I don't really know how to narrate my story because I can't put everything in words but I'l just try somehow and hope you all understand because I need advice from all readers.
I am a 22 year old young lady, I'm done with school and awaiting service, I ought to have finished last year but had a few resists that made me spend an extra year and I finished this year. My dad is a very strict man and I personally think he can be wicked most times, he detects everything that happens in the lives of my mom, sisters and I, he tells me at my age not 2 fix weaves and 2 braid only my natural short hair, not 2 make up or paint my nails so I always have 2 clean my make up at the gate b4 I come inside the few times I manage 2 lie b4 going out because he doesn't let me or my sisters go out, mind you he is not a pastor o, he recently started attending the lord's chosen and he has forced everybody to join him,.
This my father that acts like he loves the lord so much has a wife in d village who has two sons for him o, he constantly insults and talks down on my mom nd us(my sisters and I) calling us names like 'fools, idiots, senseless' and so many names a father should not call his wife let alone children. Just four sundays ago I was having serious toothache and crying in pain and he came and started shouting and insulting me that I must go to church that I was very stupid, foolish and irresponsible and so many horrible things he said and threatened 2 beat me up if I dint stand up and follow them 2 church my mom was just crying with me and telling him it was unfair and he told her to shut up before he deals with her and she did,.
I ended up going 2 church with my dirty body and toothache he didn't mind that I was crying in the car through out, even during my extra year he refused 2 pay my fees and didn't give me a dime for pocket money. Did I mention that we don't watch tv as he always detects what we watch and only allows us watch some christian stations so I don't bother going to watch.
The one that happened this morning was he woke everybody excluding my mom and sisters that had 2 go 2 school 2 go for morning jogging, it's not like jogging is bad but he makes everything a chore and takes away your opinion, he will even tell u what 2 wear and how 2 jog, I initially told my sisters I won't go but liver failed me and I decided 2 go ones and come back after going ones, he came home from his own jogging saw me and said I should go back and jog 3 rounds, I was so angry and when I was working out of d gate I hissed on impulse (I know I shouldn't hiss at my father but I was really furious) and that was all it took for him 2 beat me up and pushed me outside 2 go and jog after the beating o.
I made up my mind to leave the house but my mom said if I leave I should never call her and I shouldn't go to her sister's house because that was where I intended going to. I don't know what else to do as I'm going crazy in this house. Can't continue to go through this emotional trauma. Please ignore any error or lack of punctuation marks and all those rules I'm not in the best of moods. Stella please post unedited. God bless you and all your blog visitors, Amen''.
*My dear i am lost for words..blog visitors oya,anyone ever been in this kinda situation?
ALL THOSE PEOPLE COMMENTING THAT I AM PUBLISHING TOO MANY MAILS,PLEASE THIS IS MY BLOG AND IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO SHARE THEIR PROBLEMS AND GET SOME KIND OF RELIEF ALBEIT VIA COMMENTS THEN PLEASE MOVE OVER COS I AM ABOUT TO REALLY GET PISSED.
IF YOU LIVE WITHOUT PROBLEMS FINE,ITS NOT LIKE THAT FOR EVERYONE AND I WILL USE THIS PLATFORM TO HELP PEOPLE GET HELP.......NOW MOVE OVER TO WHERE YOU THINK THEY PUBLISH YOUR KIND OF STORIES!
One reason why I love this blog is for these kind of heart touching matters. SDK, don't mind them. I am almost a grandmother and I grew up hating my dad for not being there for me so I was very interested in the story, but it turned out to be a different thing!
ReplyDeleteI think this man needs help as he seems frustrated and is taking it out on everyone around him. I will advise this young lady to see his actions from this angle and she will begin to understand how to handle him.
I strongly advise that you should never be rude to him, as we tend to reap what we sow multiple fold. You won't want your children unborn to disrespect you for any reason whatsoever!
Babe be like me, get posted to abuja for nysc,learn a trade during the service year and struggle hared to get a job immediately after. In all, don't date a poor guy o. Find a bf to hook. Establish your roots//aclamatise. Then forgive him,just accept that's hiis own way of life,learn diplomacy and how to avoid his wahala. You'll be fine. I am now. I even wear trousser&make up now in his presence but him can't talk- I pay my rent,have a job&biz and a steady(working) bf. But I still respect my pops despite all
DeleteStella i love dis blog n ur way of blogging is so different n mature! Nice one dear, keep it up!
DeleteMy own two cents is for u to move out of dat house! Ur dad is nothing but mean! Haba! Even ur mom no get say?? God forbid o! If na me eh i for don tear d man head o for always demeaning, insulting n beating us up especially my mom!
Move out b4 u do something u will regrert later!
Miss anonymous,get a rich bf indeed,na S̶̲̥̅Æ ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ una D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ enta ritualist hands,all in d name of greed. HoeOlosho.
DeleteRough Diamond,u can lie oº°˚˚˚°Âº,no be ur papa still beat u up dis morning,whey u D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ shout 4 streets,u whey ur papa no D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ allow frnds cum grit u 4 houz,u cum stella blog D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ form badoooo.
Hahahahahaha! @anon 4:48 u wish!
DeleteMy dear Poster, a lot of people have. Worse tales to tell- a lot of people come from dysfunctional homes.
DeleteYour dad sounds exactly like mine (only difference is that you didn't mention your dad, on impulse, hurls out, "bastard", "you can never make it in life" etc for the minutest mistakes) and I too suffered the frustration you do (at 15, I attempted "faux" suicide with an over-dose of paracetamol 'cause I wanted it to "pain" him. Who was I kidding?) but, my dear, that CAN NEVER determine what you'll be in life.
Keep a straight head.
You may feel so frustrated, you want to rebel by being promiscuous or find means to drown the hurt/frustration- that's just the devil devising means to deviate you from the success within your reach.
Keep a straight head.
Perhaps you should begin to "obey" your dad (and keep the resentment asside- for now).
Begin to truly enjoy attending the chosen assembly even if you'd rather not- perhaps you could actually become involved in church, become a chorister or worker. That "could" make you become your father's best ally.
Whatever it is you do, just tread softly; your father has the spiritual covering ordained by God over you- till you get a husband (which I see happening pretty soon) so while you're still here, try to conform to his ways.
Your mum is no fool- that's the only way she could have handled her marriage- else, you would have grown up in a home where the father would regularly slap his wife aroynd and perhaps even flog her.
Like someone suggested too, empower yourself via acquiring a skill (he'll see you have a good head on your shoulders).
You'll be fine.
Ps- I still really love my dad regardless. :)
It took maturity to get over my resentment.
na wa oo
DeleteI think say my papa hard,,,,ds one hard pass oo
My dear,,,do leave d Old Man house
I dont know why some men are so authoritative
Mtchewwwww
It is well with you jarre.
The child the father loves, he chasten. The hatred will soon turn to love. My little big girl
DeleteDiary of Dido God bls u 4 dt piece. Dearie pls don't u leave ur fathers house! Thank God u are goin 4 service. All u nid now is loads and lots of PATIENCE pending whn u wl go and serve! And don't waste ur service year rather add value to urself, plan ur time+life and most importantly tell God to help u! My point is plan not to go home (I mean ur fathers house) afta service so dat whn u go to see him once a while he wl appreciate u beta and even miss u! And I knw God wl help u and touch ur dad cos he wil 4eva be ur BABA. Some men are just so mean, adamant , domineerin,etc and we ladies av to b kiaful nt to end up wt dem ooo! An inlaw tried it with me, I treated his f**k-up bigtym
DeleteDear. Ur story is exactly as mine. I did rather choose another Man as a Father d next time I come to this world.I mean my father is d mistake in our family. He curses us his children and neva gives us peace. At a time,I saw marriage as d only way out but neva been in a serious r/shp wif a man cus once I see d trait of my dad's character in a man,I flee. I blame my Mum cus u owe ur children d best father. At a very tender age,we lied about everything cus we saw it as d easiet way. A father would even make u commit sin against God. He beats my mum 2 stupor, beat my elder bro that he fainted, beat me so much dt I landed in d hospital. He however apologies but neva changes. One day, we had an argument, he cursed me nd I told him blatanly dat I wuld be greater than him, he try a glass cup @me, came towards me, and d next time I knew.I held his clothes. There was so much stuggle. He forgave me after some days but neva touched me since then. Infact I made it a routine neva to be at home,I take courses nd attend a lot of training just to avoid my dad.I knw I shuldnt ve done it nd I regret everything,I also do nt want my children to do such that is y I ve to give them a Man who would not provoke dem.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I married to please my mum and out of pressure and now I am so unhappy
DeleteI forgot to add; pls don't try to get married outta frustration or annoyance! And b careful in ur decision makin to avoid dt 'lobatan' type of statement
DeleteIn a way, I could understand your father's fear. This is a fear many parents have when they start having children. However, it seems that with all that you have mentioned of him and how he treats your entire household, he has gone beyond limit without minding how this negative way of raising a family would impact on your emotional and psychological mind.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest that one person, maybe your mum or all of you come together and TALK to him....not SPEAK to him but TALK TO HIM. Call for a meeting amongst yourselves, sit him down and let out all your worries. Take note, with such a father, this has to be done in a very polite manner, calm and lovely. Show him some love and let him know that you all understand his fear. But you must all be bold enough to tell him to the face that he has gone too extreme in his way of wanting to raise his family.
A family should enjoy the tranquility that should exist in the home and not the other way round. Fathers are supposed to be lovely, caring and helpful. You all can do this. It is high time you all put an end to this kind of treatment or else, you will remain in pains for a long time and completely grow hatred for your father in your hearts.
My love to you girl and all the best.
TopDawg,na rubbish u D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ yarn. Papa whey D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ beat dem up,na im u say,make dem Talk 2.
DeleteMy dear lady,just endure it,it doesn't last 4eva. Just focus on how 2 better ur life.
Na wa o...a man that dictates to every one mom inclusive, no one has a say...worse of all the mom shares d dawtas pain all these years,and you think talking to him hasn't crossed her mind???? read again please and give an advice not what u have written,kus talking to him or calling up a meeting wouldnt even be a solution..at the time she had tooth ache nd both herself and mom were crying,dnt u fink if d mom had a say she wud have called a meeting etc...dis ain't call a meeting matter..there is more to this that meets d eyes my dear
Deletethe man is just wicked simple! and please dont forget to complain to the relevant government agancies on domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteOde,wich relevant government agencies,is d man sleeping with dortas or other vices dat warrant government matter in it.
DeleteMake the gal bear d cross,orda ppl are experiencing worse than her,she should focus nd make it big in life.
I fell for your situations cos my dad was not this bad but close enough.
ReplyDeletemy advice is to keep to yourself as much as possible for now and pray you get posted somewhere far enough that he'll let u breathe. use ur service yr to save up enough so u don't have to move back home after NYSC. your family home should always feel like a safe haven, somewhere that protects you from every pain. when that becomes untrue, one must find an alternative.
keep your head up always dear
I dnt evn knw waht 2 say... Lemme allow mre matured ppl 2 advise u.. All I'd say is 'pele dear'...
ReplyDeletePoison him in his sleep
ReplyDeleteHaba! Fear God o
DeleteNa wa for you o,I hail!!!!!! Loooooooooool ....benedicta!
DeleteGbam!
DeleteThis is really kind of difficult to advise for certain.
ReplyDeleteFrom your e-mail, you have really painted your father as a devil. I for one will not go out-right and criticise your father because there is no other way to fairly assess the real situation except only through your words.
However, try and take it easy. At 22, you are still very much young to fully understand a lot of things about this world. From your mail, your father might be kind of too harsh on you but can I really blame him judging from the level decadence and immorality in our society right now?
My advice, calm down. Endure. Luckily you have completed your education, concentrate on getting a good job and if you make good money so you can move out of the house if you can tolerate your father's behaviour. But don't make your father your enemy, you will find out later in life that you still need him no matter what you become.
Remember, all he is probably doing is to see you become a better person. He is telling you to go to church and jog. There are lots of fathers our there who are encouraging their children into prostitution, 419 or other vices.
All the best and God bless you.
Is her mother also much young? That he hits her and abuses her...dont sugarcoat dis thing cus u wanna cum awt like a nice adviser...d man is from hell biko..
DeleteI have a fada worst dan her's notin in dis world u tell him will mk him stop. U just hv to leave dt house for him. Trust mi, I did, my mom is still dere choppin beatin n insult becos of her believe. Just hv sumtin to do to mk cash before u leave n mk sure u're sucessful in life. Forgive him. But he will neva change.
DeleteAm very sure u av neva met a mean and ever adamant person bfore and I pray u don't cos dey practical drive som1 crazy!
DeleteThe most sensible advice av read today.Thumbs up Plume. Two wrongs can't make a right.I hope she heeds ur advice.
DeleteThis is a very solid advice. My dear little girl, don't ever hate your dad. He wants the best for you but doesn't know how to go about it.
DeleteDo not run away from home, that will push you to do ungodly things to survive. Take the advice Nom de plume has given and remain prayerful darling.
Dear Poster, pls read 'purple hibiscus' by Chinmamanda Adichie
ReplyDeleteMy dear am short of words, bt I would advise dat u put everything in Gods hands n wait for ur servie time when u will leave d house some time.
ReplyDeleteHmmm..it happened to.a friend of mine ooo...Her dad was cool, until he joined one church...stopped his kids from watching tv, and a whole lot of things. He eventually abadoned them..omg..their mom suffered to take care of 4 children.....to be continued...
ReplyDeleteChai! My dear n I tot my father was d devil himslf, dis is worse n I realize my father is a saint after all. It's jst a matter of time b4 ur service jst holdon a little bit. Serious daddy issues, jst dnt let pple take advantage of u o
ReplyDeleteLord's chosen kwa? They have hypnotised him. Start praying for him now oh. Perhaps all of you should gang up, sit him down and talk to him. Anytime he uses abusive words on you challenge him.
ReplyDeleteIts his house, you live by his rules. Work hard and move out of his house. Learn not to treat your own kids this way when they arrive.
ReplyDeleteHer mom is d major factor here,what will make a mother watch her husband maltreat dia children still baffles me,esp an adult child.Does ur mom work?does ur mom have a big secret that ur dad is using against her?Is ur mom literate?Cos I don't understand why she won't even let u go and stay in her sister's place with all dat is hapnin.Now in Naija I don't think anyone wud take u seriously wen u list all d things ur dad does,they wud probably say "he is ur fada,he wants the best for u".Ur dad nt paying for ur extra year to me wasn't wrong,cos my dad wud neva ever pay for an extra year(unless u missed d year for health reasons).Sit ur mom down,tell her what ur dad's attitude is making u go tru and let her understand that she has to stand up for u guys atyms,and also try to know d reason she doesn't fite for u guys.
ReplyDeleteThe mum won't allow that coz it's rebellion=sin of witchcraft and realises that this is just a passing phase. U have a chance out but only when you're out of his house- it's his house hence his rules. Believe me I've been there and growing up in a by force xtian setting I have friends we all went 2ru this 2geda. Forced to join church groups,go tto. The university from home, no trousers&make up etc. But we ended up well. Obeyed it all
DeleteAbeg anon 4:15 u have not been dere....u cud ve had a similar situation but cant be compared to what my frend is facing..urs is just a disciplined christain home,hers aint just disciplined christain home...derez more to it and Anon 2:36 ur comment is d best so far,u are indeed seeing thru d story..
DeleteYou have no choice for now, so far your dad is the one paying all your bills. But at 22, don't you have a rich boyfriend DAT can accomodate you.
ReplyDeleteShut your trap girl. Must a man foot all your bills.
DeleteAre you in your right senses at all? What kind of advice is that? Rich boyfriend kwa. If you don't have what to say, kindly shut up! Must a girl always depend on a man??????
DeleteDear writer, you and your family should sit your father down and air your views. I hope things get better
Again you jst had to show how stupid you are.. real Bimbo... instead of asking her to save her money wen she goes for youth service ur tlking of rich boyfriend... everybody cannot be a runz girl like you..
DeleteOne does not need a prophet to see that you are an underachiever. I have followed your posts for some time and you are as shallow as can be. I pity the man that ends up with you in advance. Btw, your half exposed breasts are anything but
DeletePls shut up , I'm a registered nurse earning more than enough to take care of myself. Moreover, what's bad in having a rich boyfriend. I can only date a poor man, if he's extremely handsome and sexy .. . But fortunately , they don't approach me , only rich men
DeleteLmao...pearlie u know what's sad?...u r genuinely foolish...its nt ur fault, it just comes naturally.
DeletePele dear, hopefully reality wld slap u bak into normal senses someday...bearhugs
Choi.... Something is indeed wrong with this pealie girl oo.Your comments are so unintelligent. Your rich boyfriends have really tried to pay your way through school.I hope one of then gets to marry you.
DeleteAs in ehn! Dis babe is damn foolish! Y on earth wl u gv som1 such advice? I gues u r jokin bt if nt u rily av to grow up and b realistic
DeleteLooool... You again? I have just one question for you. How did you manage to groom your stupidity to this level? It is quite alarming.
DeleteI'm actually starting to think if maybe you are just a spambot on this blog.
Hmmnn the funniest part is that all of you castigating pealie are the pretenders!!!!!
Delete@Poster sorry about ur dad cos I think he is having some major issues that he's unconsciously transferring aggression to y'all instead of dealing with it.
ReplyDeleteU have two solutions to dis;pray that God sends u a man to come marry u away from that house
Secondly,running away!truth is pple like ur popsy its only when their children start to revolt cos of their extreme policies that they sit down and think twice or maybe change!#this is my opinion#
No revolt biko calm down. U sef I no gree I no gree dey cause slap. This learning process will help u in d future
DeleteWhich stupid learnin process anon 4:23, i see dis post is really not for all to advice because its very complicated.. i support queenbee abeg
DeleteNa wa oo when you guys advice do you think of the long term. So because she's uncomfortable at home she shld hurry and get married, while told you marriage is a solution to anything? So see run away into the arms of a guy And becomes his live in lover.hmmm tht is when she wld know wht suffer is cos it never ends well.
DeleteHoney, no matter what please don't hate ur or disrespect ur dad. I ve bin a victim of this,but with prayers he has changed. Jst keep praying for him,u all should call a family meeting and talk to him,let him know he aint treating u all right.
ReplyDeleteStella, I love ur blog cos u write about people's problems and also bring up very mature and everyday topics. Pls don't listen to people who feel otherwise. Your blog remains my no1 right now.As for the girl above, pls just bear with your dad till u leave his house. When u go for service go with d mindset of not returning. After service try and get a job no matter how small so u don't have to return to that house. All d best dear.
ReplyDeleteAunty u don vex? Lol. Bt seriously, wat kinda man is dat.jst lyk dat man(ve forgotten his name) in Chimamanda's purple hibiscus. How did he die sef?? How much is otapiapia??
ReplyDelete#runsaway#
Haney
make i no find dis comment oo
Gbam!!!
DeleteIt is either your father has a mental problem or he just found out that your mother cheated on him and is not sure you are his daughter ( including your other sisters ) Sit your mum down, i may also be wrong, i say this because i have never heard anything like this before.
ReplyDeleteSo true
DeleteHis house his rules. Sorry dear,you ve to live with his madness! Just bear in mind that this too will pass. Try to avoid what ignites his wrath. In a few years you and your siblings will be out of there. When the time comes,rescue your mum;if need be.
ReplyDeleteI dnt like ur comment today o
DeleteThere is wisdom in all you say ma'am.Difficult to accept but true.His house, His rules through I feel so bad for them cos it's like living in a barracks with a military general.MY ADVICE,Put ur self together and apply diplomacy,dnot apply make up,dont wear trousers, follow him to church, engage him in reasonable conversations.He is ur father and wld always be.If you run to a man ,he wld mess you up eventually and you wld be the whore you never was.So respect yourself , stay home till your ready for service and keep urself engaged with work.He wld ask for ur forgiveNess in the future.
DeleteI am being realistic! Do you want her to run away from home? Ok make she go be ashawo? Do we ve shelters in Nigeria?Do you want her to poison him? Am not looking for who to like my comment oooo.pls let me hear yours. We are all trying to help.so what's your solution dear?
DeleteMy dear....u own is beta, is calling u stupid, my dad calls me a bastard nd even abuse me in front of visitors....I don't love my dad bt i dont hate him....My dad beats me wen i was serving becos i went out n came back late...U c, u own case is beta bt just dont move out, wit time tins will sort itself bt ur mum is ur greatest prob, she has 2 fight for u guys....Signed Omo mummy
ReplyDeleteDeeper life and Lord's Chosen members are so filled with evil.
ReplyDeleteWhen i was little, a man brought his daughter to the same salon i was to make her hair.
From their appearance, i knew they were Deeper life members.
After braiding the hair, the hairdresser wanted to add colorful beads to the hair.
The man refused bluntly and said beads are the accesories of the devil.
The first thing that came to my mind was Oloriibu ma le leyi ke.
To them, everyone else is a sinner and shouldn't be related closely with so as not to get polluted.
Na them dey go church pass and na them wicked pass.
One of my friends that attends apostolic church now looks like an old woman.
Her parents are so strict with their church doctrines that it is affecting the lives of her siblings.
That doesn't mean she ain't fcuking.
Always looking tattered, dirty and old all in the name of being religious.
Did i mention that they smell too?
If you like, no wear trouser, no pierce your ear lobes, no put relaxer for hair, no watch tv.
HELL FIRE NA E ALL OF UNA DEY GO.
Now, back to the matter.
Na Lord's chosen turn your papa to a monster oh.
You dey follow wear banner?
Move outta the fucking house lest you end up a single and haggard old woman.
S.t.f.u!!.....u disgustin old hagard fool.....its people choice 2 worship whre deY. Want 2 worship and its not ur biz.....u dat puts weaves n makeup,u r still uglY and unmarried .......stop hatin miserable asshole
DeleteBerrYbee
My sister you make sense oh jaree, You dey carry bible plus banner yet you get two wives and na you vex pass. Wht is the difference btwn you and people wey still dey worship for shrine.
DeleteThis Toluwalashe's boo needs to check into a mental hospital fast! U av d gut to call som1s father "Eleeribu" it shows u av no regards 4 yur father, father's father @all. I pity u in a very big way cos u r d mashe anfani girl that her period should av bin washed off not conceived! I'm sure your mum will forever regret givn birth to u cos u r a no good n negative child. U better give your life to christ until its too late. Omo ale jatijati!
DeleteI'm sure d Toluwalashe must be regreting knwing u sef cos 1day u will go out n abuse a witch n your mouth will be behind your head. U will see!
Dear poster o jaaree, I'm sorry u av to go tru all of this but your story is still a small case when it comes to other peoples story. Just endure till u r old enough cos I won't lie, 22yrs is not old enough age for u to leave home on your own without parental care n so far d last time I checked going to church n jogging is not punishment its a way of life that a lot of people would av bin grateful 4 if they got some1 to tell them to do(me). I also don't want to believe it cos your mum never gave birth to a boy that is Y yur dad is treating U'll that way n thinking he could fustrate u guys out of d house to bring in d mother of 2boys from d villa #justassuming...anyways just try n endure alittle bit till u r 25yrs n old enough to knw right from wrong cos I won't lie to u, u r still in your rebellious stage as a growing lady u want to do everything older people r do, I av bin thr so I knw. Pls don't listen to d likes of this stupid Toluwalashe's boo who av bin a bitter girl from birth n see no good in herslf so she sees no good in another she is just a child that I'm sure u r older and better than.
To forgive Is divine just forgive yur dad n continue to obey him wch is better than don't be too in a hurry darln so u don't bite your finger @ d end n say "had I knw". We will continue to pray 4 u...#hug
P.S. A.Stella u r doing a very good Job pls keep it up just av it in your mind that not every1 will like u n also not every1 will think u r right but as long as u think u r right then u r great. Thank u cos your blog help people a lot...
1 of this days I hope I will be able to share my story...
ReplyDeleteYou already tolerated him for 22 years, NYSC is your way out. Work hard and try to secure a place after NYSC, so that you do not have to move back to the house.
Some parents have taken this spare the rod and spoil the child thing too far mehn.... At 22 and a graduate your dad hitting you is abuse abeg, infact it is domestic violence. Left for me o, I would say you stand up to your dad, not to insult him o (u are on ur own on that one). Please nobody should come here and be talking about "honour your parents bla bla blab" even the bible said parents do not provoke your children.
Last last sha, if you were already working and earning well, even if you still live with him I don't think he would be treating you this way. Smh... Some folks would just use their hand to push their children to be wayward.
If the poster out of frustration now jumps into the hands of any monkey that asks for her hand in marriage just so she can get rid of her dad, when she starts having problems in future now its still this same monkey man and his wife that would say mama chukwuemeka is worrying them from the village. Shiorr!!!
Luvely comment
DeleteIts his house so u av got to live by his rules,I understand how u feel but erase hate,its only a matter of time and all things will fall into place dear,pray 4 him,talk to him lovingly and everybody would b fine
ReplyDeleteUr major problem is ur mom! Coz my dad is an aggressive man too and does all sorts of things when he gets upset, buh ma mum always stands up for us....that's what made the whole thing bearable. Now we are all grown up and spoil our mum silly and making dad very jealous. Be patient, all will be well.
ReplyDeleteI have a biased mind when I read some stories like this;i think its being made up just or exagerrated just to get attention but if I'm wrong,I'ld Advise you endure for 3 more years(u've endured for 22 already),within the three years,complete your service year,get yourself employed & move out. Then you can now come back & speak to him for being too strict. He is being too strict but on the flip side most of the things you say he does are to keep you on a safe/religious side;he just over does it. Pray to God about it too. It is well.
ReplyDeleteThis post brings back many of what I felt growing up at home. Anger, frustration, hatred, low self esteem...the list goes on. I was in your situation about 10 years ago. Home was always sad and I absolutely hated being there.
ReplyDeleteI would advise you to do what I did - find a job outside your state of residence and leave never to return except for holidays. Keep working and trying to improve yourself as a person because right now you must be broken and lack self esteem. Try as much to build yourself to be the person you want to be and then find a good man, marry him, only then can you have peace in a home the way you have always imagined it. That's what I have now so I know. My home and my life in general is filled with peace and love and I am re-living my childhood through my 3 children - they are very happy.
One thing I would advise you against is never to get married to run away from your situation. That's the quick way out but you may not be happy with your choice in a few years time. I wish you all the best.
Stella Good stuff. Just try to put in words of advise too please. Lady 22,endure,go for service,get a job,get married to someone who loves you truly & come back to talk to him for d sake of ur mom(whom I believe is VERY WEAK) Abdul
ReplyDeleteThank you very much aunt stella for posting my story, God bless you real good and thank you to the readers who took time to advice me. To the people who said we should call a meeting, I doubt if that will work my mom nd sisters will be too scared to that. To the person who asked if my mom is literate, yes she is she got married to him when she was really young, she's 40 now nd he's 56 so she's always been scared of him nd she says she can't stand up 2 him, that we should be grateful he's doing his responsibilities like providing food, paying school fees and all that nd if she 'challanges' him he might abandon us for his wife nd sons in the village although they did court marriage nd she can fight him with that but I guess she just dosnt have the strenght nd wants to remain married, it is well sha. For the person who said I painted my dad as a devil, no he's not a devil but he's not the kind of father anybody would want. It's all good tho. Thanks ones again and God bless u all
ReplyDeleteNa wa o, ur papa worry sha. My dad was strict too but thank God I lived through it. He called me a fool, useless child, even seized the keys to d car he bought for me. It was painful then but my advice is for you to remain focused to your dreams and do not derail. I was in his house bearing all d insults cos I didn't have where to go, didn't have a big job that can pay house rent, 2years post nysc, I had to leave the house cos d monitoring was too much, mind u, I was 25yrs then, I had to apply for my masters faaaaaaaaaar away from home. Thank God during my Msc program, I met my husband, I married now the same father that calls me a fool, calls me madam. Hahahahahaha. So my dear, endure its just a matter of time. Don't mind those useless people asking u to run away from home or go and live with a bf. endure, it will surely end.
ReplyDeleteSLK
Lovely advice
DeleteIn my own case my mum was the demon, she made live miserable for us, i ran away from home 2 yrs after i wrote waec, i went to lagos with our neighbors daughter,i met a guy who took me in and saw me thru sch, today i ve a car and i work, out of 4 girl am the only graduate bcos of the bold step i took,my dad went thru hell and back in the hands of my mum, she did everytin in her powers to make sure non of us went to sch, but God pass devil.U are even lucky u ve graduated at 22,i ran away when i was 20, do wat u ve to do b4 ur papa go make u craze.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't tell us abt the Your relationship and life with the man tht took you in. Work can be anything and car is not a show of success these days.Wht if she dosent get to find such " good samariatan" when she runs, whts next for her?
Deletefool, so you think her father might be angry with her mum because he found out she cheated on him abi? idiot as if that is the only reason men need to be wicked to their wives...
ReplyDeletethe man is a hypocrite, wicked and does not even know the God he claims to serve.....i just pity the mum cause she too is going through her own emotional abuse and she is tolerating it
young lady while i do not advise you to be rude to your father....when you go for NYSC make sure its far from home and dont go back home when you finish...pray u get a job that will make you stay behind where you are.....this is your best chance of escape cos your father is a mean man......in all pls dont hook on to any guy cos you want freedom cos you will settle for anything maybe someone worse than your father......
And pls during your nysc LEARN A TRADE so if no job comes you can start somewhere with your trade, any big name you see today started somewhere so pls no dulling......and i hope you too are also a good girl, no sleeping around and being naughty so you dont end up with problems and make your father think he was justified in his actions......all the best dear and just remember nothing last for ever its just a phase.....
Great advice
DeleteI am a mother with a 23 year old daughter. My husband(her dad) is also strict and tends to take religion over the bar. But I remember when growing up, my sister also had issues with our strict , religious dad. I was the quiet type ,always agreeing to anything but my sister would question all his excesses. My mom was exactly like your mum too, never standing up for her children because dad was the sole financial provider in the home.. Immediately my sister left for her NYSC in Plateau State, she never came back home again. She simply plotted her own life chart from there, took various jobs and after about five years ended up in the United States. She got married in the U.S and my dad did not attend her wedding. My mum did not go either. Today, she is a very happy woman and my dad had to beg her for forgiveness before he died. So having this experience growing up, I made up my mind not to allow my daughters pass through the same. I stand up for them. So take heart, once you go for National service, be strong, face up to life ahead of you and take charge. But being a parent now, I have to say that your dad thinks he is doing what is best for you. At least that is what my dad said before he died. However, we parents need to be taught by our children when to let go....
ReplyDeleteUr email just shows hw immature u r.u r 22yrs u failed and ur dad refused to pay. U want to rub makeup and dress like ur friends do. U dont wanna jog, he forced u to church wit ur toothache....does he feed u? Provide a roof over ur head? Provided u wit an education? Den my dear he has done his part as a father. When u grow older u will appreciate his attitude better. The time he beat u up, u were rude to him. If u had a boyfriebd and he told u dont pierce ur ears, wear makeup, wakes u up to jog u wouldnt be dis mad and angry.but ur dad and u r pissed. Life is not fair the sooner u realise dis the easier and better it would be for u.no one owes u anything.anything u hav u hav to earn ur self.thats life...
ReplyDeleteShut up u idiot if u have nuffin to say....dumbass
DeleteExactly, this is just a story of a young girl who wants to be free.I never made up or wore trousers in my father's house cos it was his rules though we didnt like it, we had to obey but now not only do I make up, I'm a make up artist.So dear, focus so you can be independent in life then he can look for you and ask for your forgiveNess,if you mess your self urself up,You hv given him reason to justify his actions.
DeleteU r obviously a coward who doesnt know nor has experienced life.give ur advice lets see hw coherent u r wit issues of life instead of hiding under d guise of insults.
DeleteI dont see hw this girl has a problem,This is obviously a case of a girl who wants to break free.In my own thinking, Her Dad has some problems with her mother cos she mentioned that he has another wife.My advice to children of troubled parents is not to take sides.I know they hate their Dad for taking a second wife and for all other reasons not stated in the story but she and her siblings shld try and remain unbiased,till they are old enough to talk about the issues with him but it seems they paired with their mum( which is natural) This wld make their Dad feel sabotaged and want to punish them which ever way he can.His rules are not unheard off,perhaps the way he is going about it is.He wakes you up to jog.That tells me tht without the anger and bitterNess in his heart that He is a caring father.Dear poster,the only thing you hv to do for your self is to be a success anything short of tht wld totally justify his actions.Be focused, get married when you find love.Dont do anything out of desperation, they never end well.You have your whole life ahead of you.Your actions now wld either make or mare it.
Delete40 and 56 maybe that's where the problem is. Pele.
ReplyDeleteSweet heart don't hate ur dad, my advise is don't bother with d TV if u av a BlackBerry just download what ever u want from d internet.(fztvseries.mobi). Nigeria stations are not worth d stress sef. For d jogging wake up before your dad does and be ready to go. If he says u should go an extra lap tell him 'jogging isn't interesting without him,we should go do it together daddy'. For your hair and makeup natural is d best look. Your future husband would love u without makeup. Just be neat and tidy.Whenever he is angry at you for no reason kneel down and apologize . It wouldn't make him fatter or make u slimmer. Pls just hold on till your service year when u can start saving up for ur independence. Be careful so u don't run into d hands of d wrong man who would just take advantage of u get u pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI can't advise you to be disrespectful to your parents, it's not biblical.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you to find somebody that can speak to him and your mom too, your mum needs a backbone.
Ask God for wisdom on this matter...pray to God to help you.
You must never hate your dad. Show him love. It may sound silly, but you are old enough to understand. Devil can't resist love. Teach your younger ones the same thing. If you allow hate in your heart for anybody esp your father, it will affect you negatively for life.
Try as much as you can to accommodate joy and laughter, find something that makes you happy and let that be your focus.
If daddy ask you to jog, then jog and be happy jogging. Change him with love. Shame the devil and introduce some love in that house. I tell you all the demons trying to destroy your home will leave.
Love is a tool that nothing evil can withstand, so I advise you, practice love, patience, prayer.
You are almost going away for nysc, but try love...when he ask you to do something say 'yes daddy', greet him with a smile on your face. Ask him if he's hungry, prepare his food with love, serve him with love. Drive that hate and bitterness away with love.
You can do it, ask God to help you..Before you leave the house for nysc, make sure you bring some positive change in thru love. IT MAY NOT BE EASY, BUT YOU CAN DO IT. YOU NEED YOUR PARENTS TO BLESS YOU. YOU NEED LOVE, NOT HATE...BE THE ONE TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE AND CHOOSE LOVE.
Please follow my Christian blog www.thebanquethall.blogspot.com
Keep me posted if you like. I promise to put you in my prayers too. God bless you
This is domestic violence, pure and simple. But because of your geographic location (AFRICA) and your cultural background, there's nothing you can do until you "graduate" finally from his "protection". Even trying to call in the authorities in this useless environment will invite the wrath of ndi ichie from country-side. So, my dear, just pray and sit tight......for now. It won't be long. The Big Guy Upstairs Sees all, and will rescue you in due course. Be blessed.
ReplyDeleteFrom your post he might be taking it on y'all probably cuz he wanted a boy from ur mom nd is rilly pissed but my advise for you is to talk to your pastor about it so he cud advise r dad.....All will be well ooo.
ReplyDeleteYou are very wise, exactly
Deletethat the similler thing i went thro wit my dad n step mum i realy need to purblsh my story but i dnt how, pls anty stella ho can i get ur emil adrss, is a pity dear God will make a way for u and all of us IJN AMEN
ReplyDeletePray for a Good Job and Husband. Your dad's case will be History.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteIt's ur father's house so continue to manage till God paves way. Do what he wants and try not to infuriate. Can u try to write him a soft spoken letter telling him that you love him and would appreciate he treats u with love and respect as well, avoid been confrontational, Sadly your mum can't speak up for u guys and ur sisters are too timid so prayer will work in that dept, talk to them as well as often as u can. Nysc is coming. A lot can be done wt 19,800 if u plan well and not spend on clothes n frivolities. I saved my money d whole of service year. It's ur escape route. Look for how to make extra income during this time and not as an avenue to make hairstyles and wear clothes u cdnt in ur dad's house. Be it by selling or cooking for male corpers or even teaching extra lessons. Check on home often if u disappear ur dad may turn d heat to ur mum. PRAY the heart of a king is in the hand of the lord and he turns it where he wills. Don't marry out of frustration or sell ur body for money u Wl regret it, I pray things get better for you soon.
Stella, sometimes I fink u take things too serious... If bad people do not try to spoil anything you are doing, then it means you are not doing anything right... Now take that energy u put into answering every criticisms and use to atleast those of us who appreciate and love your blog for once..
ReplyDeleteAbout this case, wow... I rilly feel for this young lady. I honestly do not know what to tell her. I suggest she take the bull by the horn and talk to her dad's pastor.. That would be a good start. Take heart dear
The recent tins avv heard abt this lord chosen church eeeh,see aw d man is acting as if he doesn't go to church atall,mi dear I wouldn't advise u to leave the ouse cause you would suffer oo,u jus av to be patient and kip praying..this lord chosen church gts into dia head like madness,sowi luv u would n evrytn would b fyn
ReplyDeleteSo pathetic, I wil start by saying if u can't take d heat get out of d kitchen, A father is suppose to love nd respect his kids nd same goes to d kids, if u lived abroad u wld knw dat wat d dad is doing is highly unacceptable, bia, pack ur bag $ baggages nd leave dat house pls, u have a right to be happy. Secondly, Your mum has been an obedient wife from d start to u don't expect her to fight for u now, Ur mates abroad fend for themselves , u don't have to sleep wit men ok., if ur aunty can accommodate u then pls move to her house.
ReplyDeleteplease go to the Ministry of women affairs at alausa and report because this a domestic violence
ReplyDeleteJeez toluwashe boo got me in stitches with the wearing of banners worn by the Lord chosen. Each time I see them I always reek in laughter cos most of their members Don turn that banner to cloths.
ReplyDeleteHonour your father and your mother so that your days may be long. I value this bible passage alot. Trust me in the next 8 years you will come to understand what your dad is really doing. Do not disrespect him and always obey his rules.
ReplyDeleteHe didnt pay your extra year school fees...is no big deal. it's his own way of disciplining you. If you pay your extra year school fees out of your pocket or through begging for it you will remember to sit tight and pass your exams.
I'm a mum and i was once a child so i can see the 2 sides of the coin. You downplayed your extra year with an excuse, you never stated it was your lack of unseriousness. Your father does have your interest at heart and he sees what you cant see.
Some private universities make laws like: dont paint your nails and you dare not disobey so why then do people find it hard to obey their parents regardless of how harsh the rules may seem? He loves you and he wants the best for you. He does seem like he is a bit extreme but hey that's the family God has given you so sit tight and enjoy the ride.
pealie,ur alwaiz vomittin rubbish,u tnk via ur asshole..........smh 4u
ReplyDeletePls stella, don't stop those mails, and life issues, ur blog is very engaging,interactive, with mature minded visitors. Whoever is not comfortable with them should leave.
ReplyDeletePls stella, don't stop those mails, and life issues, ur blog is very engaging,interactive, with mature minded visitors. Whoever is not comfortable with them should leave.
ReplyDeletei totally understand what you are going through and i can imagine your state of mind at what i presume to be a very young age.
ReplyDeletewhile growing up,even though finances wasn't an issue in my house nevertheless my dad also had similar behaviour although to be honest i was also a very stubborn child stealing dollars,jewelries,pounds and running away from home so it was partly my fault lol.i had my own koboko and it got to a stage when i was in my late teens he got tired of beating me.i and the rest of my siblings also really resented and feared him as well due to this but after we travelled and were on our own including dad advancing in age we got on better and understood each other much better.
now if i call him or if he comes to uk on holidays or i am in naija both of us will sit down and be debating and chatting for hours like friends.you might feel like you actually hate your dad now but trust me you will outgrow these feelings as time goes on.
one advice i will give you that i didn't realise then while younger is for you to sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. in a calm measured and respectful way in private when everything is calm explain to him how his actions make you feel and what you think of him,appeal to him and you will be surprised that might be all it takes for him to re adjust.my youngest siblings were lucky in this so they have more freedom and enjoy the father-child relationship more than we did
i am sure your dad will be in the 50s and upward range so he is from a different generation.you have to take note of that.
@diary of dido
ReplyDeleteloool just like my dad as well,as a matter of fact me and my bros reminded him of this last year when he was here.its common with yoruba dads especially if they are well to do or wealthy.
they treat wife,children and everybody under their roof this way.nobody dares question their authority and i know its the same with several families that i know too.
one of OBJ's daughter(name withheld )for daring to complain about pocket money being too small right there and then BABA decreed that he was no longer sponsoring her education and she is not going to school anymore.until several people including atiku begged baba and he calmed down.even then he gave the girl the same amount of money lol
my dad started to change after he had a brief illness while in canada and he had to have an emergency operation.during that time something happened and when he returned back to Nigeria he had changed and although he still had these behaviours it was nothing like before.
Shutup Luca. Can u not refer to ur own personal life without chipping in other pple's names and family issues? Where u present when OBJ did that to his child? Did they consult u or ask ur opinion? Why do u love 'hear say' so much to always use it as a basis for ur unfounded arguments or whatever? I tell u what, u have a huge personality problem on ur neck, and its oozing out even as u remain unknown on blogs. Story story all the freaking time. God forbid, thank God I am married to a man who knows when to zip it, and who isn't a cyber nuisance like u. Very cheap correlation. If its not Atiku today, its OBJ or the Ayokus, or Salawa Abeni. Haba!!!! Hian!!
DeleteKpele o
ReplyDeleteSame thought I have with you comment #5.
ReplyDelete@Blog visitor, be patient.
You know your dad's movement, do your stuff when he is not around, your siblings and mum should co-operate.
Tell, him you want to learn a hand-work to support your academics because we know how Nigeria is, and see what he would say.
Best of luck.
Regarding Purple Hibiscus, PLEASE, don't do what the wife did o!
ReplyDelete#comment 35, i just read your rejoinder poster,. That explains a lot. Please for the sake of your mum, be patient. Infact wear patience like a cloth. She is indirectly fighting for you in the little way she knows. Silence they say is golden. Whenever he is back from work or business, you all should go to your room, either read novels, or browse or gist, until he goes out or fall asleep. He would indirectly get the message of not wanted also.
ReplyDeleteLuca.....why na!? Who ask you all this one wey you dey yarn? Tufiakwaaaaa! You just dey misyarn like market woman, honestly for a man you talk TOO much.
ReplyDelete@anon 105
ReplyDeleteif you are married,surely it is rather strange you having bellyache over my own comment isn't it?a complete stranger
thank GOD for your husband's life but i also dont want to be like your husband too so whats our point?
i only comment on issues based on my personal life.as for the OBJ incident trust me its not hearsay,its even an open secret with anybody that worked in that area during baba's time.if my instances seem far fetched or unbelievable to you then we dont run in same circles.those who do know if i am telling the truth or not
Ok I didn't want to comment but I think I shd wen I was younger ma mum used to punish and beat us as a single parent I tot she was being wicked but ma dear now I see the benefits of those things they might be hard but it instills things into u now I can't dare do a lot of things that are bad now cos I have been groomed. stealing and lying I can't stand cos ma mum wud Beat the hell out of u if u tell a lie! So my dear your dad isn't wicked oo he just wants u to be groomed well preparing u for the outside world now I live alone and ma mum is happy Wiv it cos she knows the worst I can do am just a year older than u! U need to be patient take all he says u shd do it won't kill u trust me wen your older u will understand I remember those days in primary sch shd would beat me if I fail but when I got to university I made sure I came out with a very good result she thought u s how to be independent we all live in different states and we are doing well. I used to say I won't beat my kids but ma dear I will make sure they toll the right part and if it includes beating I will do that cos it's not easy this days to find level headed grown kids! @ 16 u find some smoking different things u won't blame our parents a beg he has done and given u the best thing that education so use it wisely and make him and your mum proud! Be excellent and you will enjoy life! God Bless U!
ReplyDeleteMy story is worse than yours... Somehow, I lost my mom and his cruelty worsened but I knew it was time to be my own woman. I walked away from home, moved in with several friends, got this job which even milked me. My dad arctic ally disowned me but I wasn't deterred cos that's not the life I wanted to live...it's my life not his life! 3 yrs gone and I'm a sophisticated publisher- an achievement I garnered myself without his help or connection. Now, the rejected stone has become d cornerstone and all family members who gave up on me now want a piece of me. Girl, it's time to be ur own woman! No sentiments! Walk out of that home now and find ur life... Besides, u will still walk out of that home someday. Why not walk out now and bag herself a better life?
ReplyDelete@ anon October 8, 2013 at 6:18 PM if you are a real child of chosen you are sick and need to be sectioned. The language you use here is not of chosen and you need deliverance from your gutter ways.
ReplyDeletepealie you now came back as anon to call people pretenders. see how dumb you look always.
Bible know-alls always ready to quote honour your Mum and Dad. Read deeper oh, parents have to look after, respect and love their kids too. Read deeper and you will find it.
Sit your Dad down and talk to him. If all fails doesn't he have brothers and sisters and relatives?
i am thanking Dr. Ekaka from the ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com for the love spell he did for me, he brought my ex boyfriend that i love so much that i have tried everything i can to get him back he brought him back to me within 24hours after i contacted him i am really happy with the love spell he did for me all thanks to him for taken his time to help me and to give good result that i really need to me without taken my time and without any delay my heart is really filled with joy and excitement that i got the love of my life back
ReplyDelete