''Blog visitors help me because I need some impersonal advice,
I met this dude when I was much younger he was the love of my life and understood me in every way I was 16 he was 20 we dated for three years and we both departed to different parts of the world, consequently we broke up, I dated other men he dated other women. Fast forward 6 years
Last year we got back together and got engaged, I thought It was going to be this loving passionate relationship we had before.
At first it was loving peaceful passionate and we were connecting and then it started:
He started knowing things I never told him but talked about to friends and family, started bad mouthing me to the select people in my family who acted like his spies and told him everything about my movements where I'm going or what I'm doing,
Then I realised he bugged my lines both nigerian and international , rerouted my iphone conversations with a software bug
: text messages, what's app and all social media including Facebook all photos and videos taken , everything I do on my laptop is monitored by him as he's a software engineer,
Apart from this he's immensely sweet and loving and faithful and he also giving .
Another funny thing is he hacks into my bank account and monitors my spending . Accusing me of using the money he gave me recklessly
This part of him is so annoying and controlling and makes me crazy,
I've talked to him about it numerous times he promises to stop but doesn't and rubs it in my face telling me he knows all my communication records and phone conversations
and criticises everything I do. No matter how u love someone everyone needs privacy ,
I don't know what to do , I love him more than I've ever loved any guy but I'm worried if I should still marry him as I know over controlling men become wife beaters
*Na wah oh!
He is an insecure control freak. I think he needs to go see a psychologist ASAP, after that you can decide what to do based on the outcome.
ReplyDeleteYou Clearly don't love yourself. I'm trying to understand how you can be in love with someone like this. Sick!
DeleteOld love and new love, most times don't reli connect the way we always want it to be. So many things,character, and environment change pple. Ur lover boy can never be the same , and that includes u. I guess u already kn the ans to ur question# Imuzeze
ReplyDeleteHw'd u knw dt word #imuzeze....hmmmm fishy
DeleteIf u love him jst try n be transparent dear. If he sees that u ve nothing to hide he will stop but if u continue talkin abt it he will nt stop. My hubby was like that before we got married but nw he doesn't even go through my fone talkless of hacking my fone. He is doin it cos he doesn't trust u enough try be more open to him and everything will be fine and put it in prayer too.my sister it is nt easy to see a man that is faithful Good luck hun.
ReplyDeleteTry to be open my FOOT! Plz pple like u shld NEVER give relationship/marital advise. U obviously have no knowledge of such tinz. FLEE frm d devil even d bible says so. My dear confused, I was in a situation like dat so I can advise u frm 1st hand experience RUN! He will never change coz he just cnt. Brk it off. #ifyounocommot4johnholtunogoknwsaywrkdeyuac
DeleteMumu
DeleteBest answer! U said it all..
Delete@ annony 10:42 u dnt need to cuss me out. We re all entitle to to opinion . what happened to u jst statin ur opinion and walkin away? I'm happily married with a son n yes immediately my hubby saw that I was open like a book he stopped.
DeleteAnony 11:42 u re referring to me may God bless u that's all I can say to you.
Deleteno trust. stop wasting your time girl except u can live with it for d rest of ur life
ReplyDeleteHehehe funny dude
ReplyDelete...babe take a walk.
Lol..this reminds me of 'birkof' popularly called "shadow-walker" in the movie 'NIKITA'
ReplyDeletethis is not a matter of you being transparent or not, this borders on the fact that this man obviously doesnt trust u and he has deep seated psychological issues. please dont marry him. it will only get worse.
ReplyDeleteplease I need to know the software he uses.
ReplyDeleteU just spoke my mind....I'm a software engineer also but some people are baddos..I mean, ur bank accounts? Chai!!
DeleteI'm not a software engineer but even i have used a keylogger to get passwords before. Not proud of it, it was for email but same can be done for bank acct
DeleteYou better run away from such a person. If along the line a guy sends u money. Ur dead. He has issues. Nobody bugs every gadget even bank account. Girl marriage is not a bed of cotton and sweet smelling roses..u better be wise
ReplyDeleteMarry him and loose your freedom, you choose. I will choose my freedom ( but this is not about me )
ReplyDeleteThreaten him with breakup and give him space 4 sometime
ReplyDeleteIf you are tranperent honest nd faithful girl don't listen to any negative advice. Keep your man, don't think of breaking up because of his spies.. He's very insecure fine but don't you think he'll change if you give him the benefit of doubt? Some are dating good but cheating men, some frauds terms, some armed robbers, some ex convict and you are here complaining over none issue.. If you don't want him pls push the table to my side I'm a lady like you that's why I'm giving you this honest advice. Thank God you've already knows his only flays what about those that pretends?
ReplyDeleteIf you are tranperent honest nd faithful girl don't listen to any negative advice. Keep your man, don't think of breaking up because of his spies.. He's very insecure fine but don't you think he'll change if you give him the benefit of doubt? Some are dating good but cheating men, some frauds terms, some armed robbers, some ex convict and you are here complaining over none issue.. If you don't want him pls push the table to my side I'm a lady like you that's why I'm giving you this honest advice. Thank God you've already knows his only flays what about those that pretends?
ReplyDeleteMy ex in uni was a yahoo boy and had a zillion accounts. Before long i was hacking all those emails. lol. he got mad at me at first, then totally ignored me and opened more. i even read his personal emails in his personal email accounts. but i got bored, twas same thing over and over; plus i didn't find any women there, so.
ReplyDeleteTry and hack his
Run rabbit, run rabbit, run run run!!!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, pls run for ur life! I was engaged to one dude lyk that too. I broke up wiv him due to dis hacking" I guess it's inferiority complex that causes it tho. The earlier the beta u flee the good for you. You can't enjoy him its no curse! Ur privacy is sooo gone! Just forget it if u're still gonn continue wiv him. My own candid advice is to break up wiv him. I knw its not easy buh trust me, it's d best." pls pardon my typos o
ReplyDeleteThat's a lie! It will only get worse. Anyone who tells u otherwise is a liar. And once u r married, he will enter the wonderful phase of twisting what u say, what he reads and how he interpretes everything. And u will soooo shocked at how he will use any little thing. No matter how transparent u r against u. Be warned sha! I'll just drive ur self MAAAAAD!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right that every other person seems wrong. PLEASE take this advice. I can relate to it #experience. A word is enof for d wise.
DeleteFirst things first, find out if a crime is being committed here. I feel there is, but am not sure. It's ur duty to confirm and report it to the relevant authorities if there is.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, get the hell out of this relationship!!!! I see u are still thinking long term effect - him becoming physically violent. Darling, that's because u don't recognise that you are already in an abusive relationship. Ur bf is psychologically and very strategically destroying you. He is baiting you with his niceness & gifts & fidelity (you do know everyone has a vice, right? That a man doesn't have a weakness for women doesn't necessarily make him a saint).
What he is doing is, like a spider, snaring you to his web so he would have got you completely and securely in place when he attacks. If u think he is bad now, wait a few more months or years. Then he would really have something over you, assuming he doesn't already. He is going for ur self esteem already - cutting you to bits. He wants u to rely on him entirely. He wants u firmly within his hold. And he will not stop till that is done.
So, my dear, end this relationship now. Don't think he will let u go without a fight, mind you. He will be sweet at first, then he might try to blackmail, and maybe finally he will get really sinister & dangerous. That's why I will strongly recommend you file a police report against him. Get him on record. Sort of a "if anything happens to me, investigate this man". By the way, do your family and friends know everything you've said here? If they do, what is their take on him?
'That a man doesn't have a weakness for women doesn't neccesarily make him a saint' U cldn't have said it any better Ugo.If a guy would go †̥ this extent while still in the dating phase,what would he NOT do when Ʊ get married †̥ him??He clearly has deep seated obssessive tendencies.One word babe, RUN!!!Who knows,he may have hacked into ΰя lappie/phone †̥ know Ʊ are even asking for advice on this blog..lol
DeleteLMAO! True o
DeletePls break up with him and enjoy ur life, he dey craze. I just cant marry a man like him..
ReplyDeleteThis is domestic violence o. No be only when person knack u akpako make u faint b dv. Wake up dear
ReplyDeleteleave him fast... his can easy tuen to obsession. watch C& I on tv. he is a budding psychopath... RUN RUN RUN and fast.
ReplyDeleteYeepa.
ReplyDeleteYour fiance is a menace to himself and the society. I am sorry for you if you marry him
My dear if u are desperate for marriage, I can understand because I see no way this marriage will work. I think ur guy feel inferior and insecure with you. Save urself from domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteMy dear if u are desperate for marriage, I can understand because I see no way this marriage will work. I think ur guy feel inferior and insecure with you. Save urself from domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteIt is in your best interest to end the relationship,and the reason is lack of trust.
ReplyDeleteyour so a modern day prisoner break the relationship up or face the future palava
ReplyDeletemy one naira advice
He is only using you to hone in his proficiency. But most importantly, you gave him reasons to do much more because you are being secretive and he is also showing it to you that 'goldfish has no hiding place'. If you love him and you sure know he loves you, let your life be an open book before him. In other words, don't hide anything from him. By the time he sees that there is no surprise information about you that the hacking software brings up, he will lose interest in monitoring you
ReplyDeleteThis World! When you think you ve heard it all,they spring one more on you...Sweerie,teach yourself how to 'unlove' this man. If he's so interested in hacking,tell him I said there's a job waiting for him in CTU(With Jack Bueur). While in lala Land,He can listen and rock every phone call under the sun! No woman can stand a man who insists on being with her all the time.To the salon,Shop,Gym,bathroom(When you are doing number 2 #sh*ting#),outing with friends,name it;He's there! Every living creature needs some time alone...infact several times alone,to keep sane. Now this love of your life,has taken it to an extreme level.Right now,you can't breath cos he's counting how many times you exhale per minute! Pls you can only adopt an extreme measure. Dump him! Change all Communication tools linked to your identity.This Dude is not insecure.He's a raving lunatic! You don't need to see him foaming in the mouth to believe this. Except you re enjoying this weird attention o.Otherwise, run fast sotay the back of your leg go touch your head! Peace! Signed:wide Eyed!
ReplyDeleteUr audacity, sarcasm (sometimes) and ur commmand of the English language #Ilove!!! Nice one wide eye.... #Nohomo .
DeleteΑ̲̅πϑ U̶̲̥̅̊ wide -eye a job is wairing 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ @ unilag as an english lecturer abi would U̶̲̥̅̊ prefer 2 act as a sociologist/counsellor
DeleteMy dear,I am just a regular ITK. #winks# signed:wide eyed!
DeleteMy dear, I think both of you need a little more growing up to do. My advice? Get yourselve engage on other things and wait a little till your perception about love changes.
ReplyDeleteStupid comment I must say..
ReplyDeleteLooks like a borderline psycho to me. He is giving you money and affection to control you. Look wella before leaping my dear.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you, but me, I can't be with someone who's like that. those are characteristics of an abusive person. your man is a control freak and while he may not be physically abuse, this man would very likely be mentally, psychologically and emotionally abusive. and speaking from experience, that is no joke. the choice is yours. what do you think you can and cannot live with... as for me, I would put my shoes on and talk a walk.
ReplyDeleteVALERIE.
RUNNNNNNNNN. He wnt stop. It gets worse not better, he will soon start smelling your pant for .....
ReplyDeleteTransparent my foot. My dear, off your shoes and pick race. These are classic signs of an abuser. It's after marriage you'll discover what you've gotten yourself into. Run far far away please. Forget all the sweet, faithful nonsense. Go back to Domestic Diaries and read MsK's (sp?) story and the signs to watch out for. He has a problem and it isn't you. You can't fix or change his problem. Forget love. You'll find someone better.
ReplyDeleteGirl if you say you departed to other parts of the world, I suspect you might still be "abroad" where you might have hope the law is on your side. First of all, this is NOT love but dangerous obsession and this man can kill you in the name of "love". You need to report him to the police where you are ASAP. hopefully, they can arrest him, debug you and help get your life back.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing you should do, he probably has your identity "stolen" that is why you need to involve the police to see if you need a new SS# or the equivalent where you are he he he.
But if it were me, I will start with ditching that computer, closing all my bank accounts and opening new ones that he knows nothing about, ditching all other electronic devices I have and getting new ones including phones (home and cell), iPad, deleting all online accounts, not have any conversation in my home until it has been de-bugged.
Long story short, dump this guy, he is obsessed, a control freak, and although he seems cool now but when he can not control your total life may harm you. You are in cyber prison and he is your prisoner, Abeg break fee.
u just said it all... She doesnt have anything to worry if she has no skeleton in her cupboard.
ReplyDeleteReally? ODE
DeleteRun. A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteBETTER RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU START SENDING MESSAGES FROM YOUR GRAVE. YOU DON"T NEED A PROPHET TO TELL YOU HE'S A VERY SICK AND INSECURE MAN WHO WILL DO ANY AND EVERYTHING TO OWN YOU WHETHER DEAD OR ALIVE.
ReplyDeleteSo you're waiting for the beating to start before you leave ni? You don't know to run? Stay there na.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know this is not normal behavior and controlling is not loving behavior but closer to violence?
RUN OOOOO RUN...TI KA TI KA RACE(d kind u run wifout luking bck)hez too insecure & has no atom of trust 4u.When u get married,u'll b served wif beatings 24/7,plus isolation 4rm d entire world.....JST STRT 2 DEY RUN.....
ReplyDeleteU GET SENSE?????? FOWL
ReplyDeleteU knw watsup*thumbs up*
ReplyDeleteYou cant eat ur cake and have it,here ur cake is ur privacy...
ReplyDeleteAbeg use ur teeth count ur tongue
Believe me first love is crap(I assume) and to think of a second missionary journey of a life time,ur in for many things stong things at that...
The energy we use to build insecurity and jealousy why cant we just use it to build TRUST...well those that cant trust theirself cant truth another...
Now it is monitoring, soon it will be backed up by physical abuse. There's no way around it, ditch d guy and change ur phones and media contacts, bcos until u r debuged, he'll continue to monitor u.
ReplyDeleteThis guy is sick. What more evidence do you need? You need to run fast and far! Don't leave a trace of where you are for a while. Though, I think even if you run now, he will still find out where you are and now seek to harm you. People who are like this tend to be so controlling that if they cant have you, then no-one else can! I think you are in deeper shit than you really imagine. He doesn't Love you. Get that into your skull. Start by trying to stay off him and see how he reacts. Good luck.
ReplyDeletePsychopathic behaviour. Continue at your peril.
ReplyDeleteU had betas take a walk before we hear of your murder!!cause God forbid he wld say he didn't knw wat pushed him or that it's the devil's handiwork!! Love does monitor it respects and trusts and believe and hopes for a better you and not monitor your conversations and sendings!!!!run oooooooo!!!
ReplyDeleteHe's obsessive and you should know better than being with a guy like that. If he's doing this now what will happen when you guys get married? I'll tell you he is going to practically put you in a box, play mind games on you and control you and you can't do anything about that because then you're already married to him. Get now while you still can. This is how abusive relationship starts.
ReplyDeleteSorry, you are his prisoner.
ReplyDelete@ The problem here is you,,
ReplyDeleteone, if you are not doing any thing bad then why worried?
2,,you have to trust your self first and also find out if he has accused you wrongly in all those info,
3,,you have a long way to walk out of such relationship since you don't like the ways he is monitoring you,,goodluck,
but free minds
may God continue to bless the work of your hands. This is the most sensible comment so far.
ReplyDeleteMy dear before u do anything rash just hurriedly find out if u are the SEEKER or REACHER in ur relationship first at www.sabrinachuks.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteStop using the computer you have and change your passwords to much harder passwords. Also change your phone. Be careful of what links you open that he sends and what you tell him. He probably uses your laptop or phone to setup those bugs in the disguise of using it to do something or checking his emails. He probably knows most of your passwords and security questions because you tell him. Keep quiet about your private life. Most importantly dump him. Obsession is not real love please. Dont get that confused. It is abusive and destructive. He is an adult, being an adult means you are able to control yourself and your insecurities. This relationship is unhealthy and toxic. Please, this is not love. He already talks bad about you to people who know you. What else do you want???
ReplyDeleteEnd your relationship with him and if possible get a new phone/sim card, laptop and open another bank account.
ReplyDeleteIf he can do this to you, how safe would your family members be IF you do get married to him?
You've answered the question yourself. He is insecure and because he's a software engineer, he is using it to his own advantage. The earlier you move on without him the better.
ReplyDeleteSwithat...- dnt knw u but I undastnd ur frustrations and fears....u see,he myt end up being a wyf battarer but d most important factor here is YOU...y do I say so?if u continue in dat rltnshp n u eventually get married n he kips hackin in2 evrytin abt u weda or nt u are trustworthy,u wil very soon bgin 2 feel choked and frustrated wich wil eventually lid 2 anger n oda tins dat wuld cause tension n negative issues btw u and him....communication wuld bcome cumbersome cos he already knws tins abt u dat u avnt told him so even wen u want 2 tell him,u wuldnt bcos u knw he knws already tru his hackin...meanin dere wuld b less communication..a woman or man nids 2 knw dat even tho dey r married,dey av a lil freedom not necessarily 2 do bad tins tho...
ReplyDeleteNice comment
DeleteSome people in domestic abusive Marriages usually say things like I didn't see the signs when we were dating. I can tell you that about 95% of the time the signs are there when you are dating. People choose to ignore them. For example: Before people fall extremely sick there are usually symptoms and when the symptoms get ignored the sickness gets worse. Ma'am these are the signs of someone that is extremely controlling and has the tendency of being violent. They are as clear as a transparent thrash bag. Run as fast as your leg can carry you. Just a couple of advice
ReplyDelete-- Don't mistake obsession for love. Love doesn't control
-- Change your phone and sim card ASAP
-- Move to a different bank and open a new checking account
-- Change your Laptop or Take it to a computer specialist so they can do an automatic wipe out or change the hardware
-- Things are only going to get worse if you choose to ignore these signs.
In case you decide to continue with the relationship buy a 5000 naira nokia phone- the one they call torch light. No maga can monitor your calls or movement with it. All those softwares only work on smartphones. cheers
ReplyDeletesoftware specialist
Babe, I do hope you listen to the words of wisdom right here!
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I don't joke with: MY PRIVACY & SPACE.
Even my family allow me enjoy these things, so why would another be denying me of such when I've only know him for a couple of years compared to my family that I've known my whole life?
That man would so alienate you from family and friends and turns you to his slave if you marry him.
My dear, run for your life! I am married to a hacker and it doesn't get any better o. Ur life is practically in his hands! U will be isolated from friends n family. U will be a prisonerplus u will be a punching bag cos such pple are soo violent n controlling. He does not love u! Am about to leave his crazy ass. Be wise!
ReplyDeleteIf this babe does not follow all d sound advices here tonight,not evn God will solve her problems later on. Take d advice of people talking from experience. Best wishes!
DeleteI will advice that you immediately quit this unhealthy relationship. It can only get worse, this isnt love at all, you are dealing with a control freak. He is gonna kill you one day after u are married. I try to stay away from all those geeks, coz although they tend to be very intelligent with gadgets, they mostly are bad in relationships coz they lack emotional and social ability to handle a relationship properly, all they are good at handling is gadget , gadget, gadget. If you marry him, u will become a gadget in his hands and before u know it, u end up in a shallow grave with ur family filing a missing person report. Save 911 the effort of looking for a missing person, quit and run a away from him coz if u quit and stay around him, he is gonna come after u. I know his types, they aint normal!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy advice is boro BOLT legs n RUN,RUN,RUN from his world fastest!!! not fast,FASTEST. Love ko,lust ni, this is BONDAGE. Fling doz sims, get new one,sim cheap,if possible change your phones, talk to sum1 close to u,let them know. I was in one where the guy even calculates how long it takes to get frm point A to B,plus n minus Trafik,God help i get to any place late, I go explain my life that day. He had my password and every thing and above all threatens me with a GUN, dt d day i try to end d relationship, na death go b my enemy portion or if he miss' target my enemy go disfigure wey b say,na only him go still marry me(both parents were in d force,so he goz abt with der guns back then),possessive and obsessive ws his nature,I had no body bt him as friend n he knew my family. He even fought my cousin once wen he cud not identify who he was . I cud not even tell anybody what i was going thru,i lost all my friends cos he won't even let nybody come close. Omo i had to relocate to a dift environment to be free when he took a short trip,na so me too take LONG TRIP. (Wetin body dey see+go thru and body no b mate)My sis RUN,RUN,RUN,RUN,NA MAD MAN!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy advice is boro BOLT legs n RUN,RUN,RUN from his world fastest!!! not fast,FASTEST. Love ko,lust ni, this is BONDAGE. Fling doz sims, get new one,sim cheap,if possible change your phones, talk to sum1 close to u,let them know. I was in one where the guy even calculates how long it takes to get frm point A to B,plus n minus Trafik,God help i get to any place late, I go explain my life that day. He had my password and every thing and above all threatens me with a GUN, dt d day i try to end d relationship, na death go b my enemy portion or if he miss' target my enemy go disfigure wey b say,na only him go still marry me(both parents were in d force,so he goz abt with der guns back then),possessive and obsessive ws his nature,I had no body bt him as friend n he knew my family. He even fought my cousin once wen he cud not identify who he was . I cud not even tell anybody what i was going thru,i lost all my friends cos he won't even let nybody come close. Omo i had to relocate to a dift environment to be free when he took a short trip,na so me too take LONG TRIP. (Wetin body dey see+go thru and body no b mate)My sis RUN,RUN,RUN,RUN,NA MAD MAN!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI wonder for some people. This ₪☺ be devil ợ̣̇̇̇ make we pity devil small. She is pushing Herself
ReplyDelete..and you are still with him??? you are not serious! marry him and sentence yourself to prison..his prison! namsense! love kor!
ReplyDeleteChoi!!! Echem C, your english is TERRIBLE!!! which one is "frauds terms", "flays". Na wa o. Please you are to old to speak like an idiot. Try to read a book once in a while
ReplyDelete@ Ugo Chime, it is obvious that you are the only one with sense here. Dont mind these village cows telling her to be patient. Until the guy kills her due to jealousy before they know
ReplyDeleteI think u should try and act suspicious let us see how he wld react,that would give you the answer to ur question.if he gets violent then u better run for ur life.
ReplyDeleteit could be several things. he might have enabled remote access to your laptop and he might have used a keylogger to get your passwords. Some keyloggers won't show up as malicious when you run a virus scan so best thing is to save your data and restore your laptop to factory settings. let everything be wiped off then you can start reinstalling your programs. Have an admin account with a password (don't give him) - that account is the only one that can install a program on your computer.
ReplyDeleteAlthough he can still hack your password thru the bios but at least give him work to do.
Also move your email to gmail and enable alerts. Thus if you log in from an unfamiliar IP address, it will ask for answers to security questions. Don't share with him even if he says that's the only way u can prove your love.
Above all, leave him. But even if u leave him, still take measures to guard your privacy.