Hello Stella,
I have been following the stories on your Domestic Violence diary and I would like to ask your readers a question: so do we all conclude that once a woman beater, always a woman beater?
I have heard it being said that once a man hits his partner (wife or girlfriend) it never stops. However, I know my very close friend's husband beat her up once while they were dating and he apologized. They got married about a year after and have been married for almost 4 years and it has NEVER happened again. I also know of a girl whose boyfriend beat her black and blue once cos he caught her cheating but he has never tried it
from all the comments I read on your blog, I am beginning to think that if a man ever hits you, you should walk. I sent the link to a few of my friends and now we all have this image of Nigerian men being serial wife beaters.
I would like to hear from people out there. People are married or have been in relationships with a man or men who abused you in any way (financially, verbally or physically) and then they stopped or changed. What happened to make them change? Do you agree that some men can actually change their abusive ways? Also, I would like to hear from the men who have in the heat of the moment, have in one way or the other abused their significant other. Was it something you did once and never did again?
FYI, I do NOT in any way condone domestic violence of any sort (big, fat no-no). I kick against it any chance I get and believe there is no excuse for it but a part of me really wants to believe that in some cases, some 'abusers' can be granted a second chance. As I said earlier, after reading the DV diaries, I think a lot of women out there might not be willing to do this and as such lose out on God's transformation of their partner or potential partner. I just want to hear from people whose stories ended on a positive note.
Do I sound naive? Abeg, blog readers, don't curse me out oh. I know say una no dey waste time to stab the messenger :-)
*blog visitors are you are...over to una*
It takes the grace of God for wife and husband beaters to stop.
ReplyDeleteLol husband beater ke ? Hmmmm. Well people do change. It might happen once or twice and after understanding each other well. It might not happen anymore.
DeleteWell my husband physically abused me two years ago when I was about 2months pregnant. I left him after that and was alone with my pregnancy till delivery. He never apologized. After I sent him a divorce letter, he came running, crawling on his feet to please come back. My folks and few friends encouraged me to give it another shot more importantly because of my child.
DeleteWell I went back to him but I'm full of regrets for coming back. He has never touched me again sha but I have no love for him. The events of that day he abused me is forever fresh in my memory. I do not love him at all and he knows. All I see in him is a beast! Its just a matter of time before I will dump him for good. Our pastor told him last two months to apologise for what he did( the abuse) that its affecting me but he refused saying he didn't beat me well enough to apologize. He boasted to the pastor and me that when he beat up his ex girlfriend, she landed in the hospital, that if I want to know what real beating is, I should let him do it again! Now how do you love and forgive someone like that?
sum change nd sum doesnt!!pastor igwe ezechukwu donald 4 winners chapel now has changed,unlike so many years ago wey he dey beat him wife every seconds....
ReplyDeleteHummm! Eyin aiye
Deletesum change nd sum doesnt!!pastor igwe ezechukwu donald 4 winners chapel now has changed,unlike so many years ago wey he dey beat him wife every seconds....
ReplyDeletehmmm....we shld ve 2 draw d lyn sumwia u knw. If a man beats his partner as a result of d heat of d momt. Hw sure r u dat it wnt happen again wen he remembaz dat event? Hmmmm......abeg xperts cum 2 our rescue mek we nor go tok pas abeg
ReplyDeleteExperts and men and women with first-hand experience, could we please hear from you, biko
ReplyDeleteIndeed!!!,S̅o many women gave their partners a second chance,and they turned out regretting it.once a beater,always a beater.no two ways about it.
ReplyDeleteI dated my husband for 6 years and he hit be once in those six years and it was as a result of something insulting I said and his drunken state, we have been married for 5years and I can tell you honestly that has never happened. He apologised and vowed to never allow his anger control his actions! so yes, men can change but in my view its a two way thing, I had to work on myself (I.e bridle my tongue and be more respectful) and he had to curtail his drinking/avoid "potential"confrontational situations with me. So,a man can change but both parties have to be willing to change because,believe me,except the man is possessed,something/someone has to aggravate him to bring out that beast.
ReplyDeleteIts not enough that he'll promise to change,(they all say that)what every woman should watch out for are the actions he takes/is taking to change. That's just my two kobo on this issue!lol
domestic violence / abuse comedian different form. Most cases, if he hits u and then stops he changes his manner if violence to verbal, emotional of any other type of abuse. All he has done is restrain himself from hitting you.
DeleteOkay I think wife beaters change! Am sorry bt I hit my gf once cos she frustrated me bt I vowed neva 2 do it again and she stopped tormenting mmy life too, I felt so weak and sad 4 doin dat I neva want 2 hav dat kinda feeling again so matter wat I alwaz walk away nw. So some men change girls dnt giv up on him pls! Sijbomi
ReplyDeleteYes! Some men do change! Very few.
ReplyDeleteMy husband beat me up once after 5yrs of marriage, he also hit me on my shin on another occasion.He has also bn abusive in other ways, financially, emotionally, etc.....but one day...............I woke up and told myself that I deserve better.I wanted to leave with my children but he pleaded with me.Ever since then, he knows that one misstep from him again and I'm out of his life for good.
ReplyDeleteMy folks have bn married 35 years and yes my dad hit my mum twice. Once hen they were probably 3 years into the marriage and the second probably around the 13 year mark. But after dat one, she give am faya for faya even when she felt she had no strength oh! She find anything she see knack am! After that, Neva again! And it's been about 22 years since the last incidence. Plus I also have friends who gave their husbands the benefit of doubt and are now in better relationships from where they started. But my personal physical battering experience, my advice would be to observe ur partner. U'll know if he will change or he is putting up an act. U always know!
ReplyDeleteI will be sending in my story soon so you all can read and learn. People change. The only constant thing in life is change.
ReplyDeleteOn a scale of 1 to 10, 3 out of 10 may change depending...
ReplyDeleteMarriage takes understanding, love and most importantly the grace of God because no-one truly knows his/her spouse a 100% before marriage.
Some traits are well hidden till you get in and discover.
May God help my single sisters out there get the best in a husband ijn.
#am still counting my blessings and naming them one by one
I've been married for 15 years and my husband has beaten me only once. I was partly to blame. I was holding him tightly by his shirt, almost strangling him while cursing him. I was so sure he wouldn't retaliate as usual. It was the greatest shock of my life when he started slapping me. I bit him sha and learnt an important lesson.
ReplyDeleteSo I disagree that a one timer will always be a wife beater. The most important thing is for both parties to ensure it doesn't happen again.
Thanks for your bravery in saying the truth. In many cases, women would never admit to provoking the DPV through their DVV (physical & verbal btw DV). For DV in homes to stop in most cases, both parties have a role to play & must decide to play their roles well.
DeleteIt takes us women to bring d beast out of men. Something provoked him d ist time. If he is truly remorseful d ist time, forgive but more importantly work on urself too. I say this from experience
ReplyDeleteVery interesting
ReplyDeleteannonymous 3.19am,well said u must neva hold a man shirt also women should know wen to stop if abusing his partner,
ReplyDeleteAnon 17 u no go kill person...lmao! Onijogbon!
ReplyDeletei have been in marriage now for 18yrs and i will tell u that pple change but u as a woman must be determine to make it work bcos bible says a wise woman build her home while a foolish one tears her own down,just as u have a job/business and u want to succeed against all odds so is marriage.first i will like to say in choosing a life partner make sure he or she is God fearing in dat way when mistake occure he will be quick to settle it,personally my own marriage was a tough one bcos i received all forms of abuse but d thing that help me is i held on to God and again my children but today i will tell u that God have answered my prayers my hubby is a change man that fear God now. It is not an easy jounery @ all if u are not determine u will back down. Don't enter marriage for wrong reasons like happily ever after or money or beauty bcos it is beyond all that and don't ever think u will change anybody na God's work be dat and He will determine when it will happen
ReplyDeletei have so many things to say but it is hard typing with phone maybe one day i give a low down my experience in those 18yrs and Ђôẃ i overcome all now and another thing family matters a lot but some pple who are demon possess do not change @ all
ReplyDeleteAnd i was 18yrs+ when i got married with 3 beautiful boys so i am still young if i want remarry but i hate devorce say d Lord i am born again and i thank God for blessing marriage.am 37yrs
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for sharing guys.
ReplyDelete