Stella I need the help and advice of your blog visitors.
I am 23 and I graduated from the university last year, I am currently doing my nysc.
I met the man i am married to now sometime around June 2012 and we dated briefly and he proposed to me in December 2012.
I accepted to marry him cos I didn't see any reason I shouldn't. He was overly nice to Me that even my mum was comfortable with him.
we had a court marriage before I went to camp in February and we had the traditonal marriage in April this year 2013.
Now my problem started a week to my traditional wedding. I had an arguement with my would be hubby and he pushed Me and broke my mirror and with the commotion and everything I sustained an injury on my finger, from then I became afraid of the side of him that I had never seen before.
I coudnt think of calling off the trad cos we have already had a court and besides I didn't know how I'd start convincing my people that the marriage wouldn't work.
we had the trad but Stella I swear to you the sorrow of my life started from that very moment we left my house.
My husband turned into a monster, he would shout at Me at every little mistake, he talks Me down even in front of his friends, he makes Me feel like am less a human to him, he uses Me like am a maid.
It now even got worse when it became impossible for Me to take in. He would beat the hell out of Me if I try to challenge him on anything.
The last time we got into an arguement I wrote a thank you letter to God afterwards for helping Me survive the treatment he gave Me cos I didn't know I was going to survive all the blows and neck strangling.
This guy has ensured that a penny never gets into my hand, he would forcefully collect my allowee from Me So that I am completely helpless and penniless. I can't tell my mum what am passing through cos she might die from the shock.
I have begged and cried and prayed and yet he won't change. Right now I don't know what to do cos I clearly don't love this guy anymore but I don't know how to leave cos I don't know where am leaving to.
He doesn't even talk to Me again and I hardly even see him and this is just 4 months of our lives together, how am I supposed to endure dis kind of man for the rest of my life?
He tells pple our white wedding is coming up later this Year but he will tell Me boldly that he will never wed Me unless I take in. I have begged him to take Me to a doctor So that we can find out what the problem is but he said he would rather flush his money down the toilet than invest a dime in Me. I am tired of crying,
I need advice please.
Stella I need the help and advice of your blog visitors.
I am 23 and I graduated from the university last year, I am currently doing my nysc.
I met the man i am married to now sometime around June 2012 and we dated briefly and he proposed to me in December 2012.
I accepted to marry him cos I didn't see any reason I shouldn't. He was overly nice to Me that even my mum was comfortable with him.
we had a court marriage before I went to camp in February and we had the traditonal marriage in April this year 2013.
Now my problem started a week to my traditional wedding. I had an arguement with my would be hubby and he pushed Me and broke my mirror and with the commotion and everything I sustained an injury on my finger, from then I became afraid of the side of him that I had never seen before.
I coudnt think of calling off the trad cos we have already had a court and besides I didn't know how I'd start convincing my people that the marriage wouldn't work.
we had the trad but Stella I swear to you the sorrow of my life started from that very moment we left my house.
My husband turned into a monster, he would shout at Me at every little mistake, he talks Me down even in front of his friends, he makes Me feel like am less a human to him, he uses Me like am a maid.
It now even got worse when it became impossible for Me to take in. He would beat the hell out of Me if I try to challenge him on anything.
The last time we got into an arguement I wrote a thank you letter to God afterwards for helping Me survive the treatment he gave Me cos I didn't know I was going to survive all the blows and neck strangling.
This guy has ensured that a penny never gets into my hand, he would forcefully collect my allowee from Me So that I am completely helpless and penniless. I can't tell my mum what am passing through cos she might die from the shock.
I have begged and cried and prayed and yet he won't change. Right now I don't know what to do cos I clearly don't love this guy anymore but I don't know how to leave cos I don't know where am leaving to.
He doesn't even talk to Me again and I hardly even see him and this is just 4 months of our lives together, how am I supposed to endure dis kind of man for the rest of my life?
He tells pple our white wedding is coming up later this Year but he will tell Me boldly that he will never wed Me unless I take in. I have begged him to take Me to a doctor So that we can find out what the problem is but he said he would rather flush his money down the toilet than invest a dime in Me. I am tired of crying,
I need advice please.
Wow..... This is serious o. Just four months into this whole thing? I just don't understand what men of nowadays are turning into!
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister! I will advice you to talk to your family and run for your life besides, you re still very young and can do better. Don't let any man turn you into something else. May God be with you
God Bless you!
Honey, 4 months is 2 small o....thank ur stars u did a court wedding n not church, so divorce is easy. Now, get a job asap, even if its teaching. Tell ur mum wat u r going tru......it starts from there....u already made the mistake of going 4 d trad but let's start helping u from somewhere.
Delete@stella, I thought u said there's a foundation dat has come up to defend women like this?
Nobody shud evn be talking abt fertility tests... for Christ's sake 4 months is toooooooo small for anybody to start panicking wen it is crystal clear dt dere sex life is suffering serious strain... my dear it wil take at least 1yr after marriage,i din say after trad oo, bfo u start panicking over pregnancy, my candid advice is to take a walk.. it takes like forever to change a monster... bt bfo u leave make sure u act nicer dan normal... wen he abuses u just keep saying sorry to him... if he mocks u in d midst of his friends just laff as dey laff too... bliv mi dts d weirdest xter anyone can possess "nothing hurts mi Xter" he'll keep wondering Wts goin on... just be xtraordinarily nice... at least U'll still leave so it shud'nt cost u anything.... best of luck
DeleteExcuse me miss d July, what do u mean by divorce is easy with a court marriage? Are u learned at all? A court wedding is the hardest to get out of. Even the church has to be licensed to officiate over marriage ceremonies and they must give the document that courts give for it to carry any weight. Ignorance is a crime
DeleteRun o! Before he kills u!
DeleteMadam, simple solution. If you love yourself, RUN first then while running you can start thinking if where to! That man will kill you!
DeleteThank u so much @ Anon 12:03
DeleteI'm so "unlearned" as you are so "ill-mannered", but, at least, in my ignorance, I know the court will give u a divorce with reasons as above. The church would rather seperate you than divorce u.
Now, I hope "my learnered blogger" that you forgive my ignorance and get my point.
I have never thought of writting my story here but I will advice you to run while it is early.
DeleteI met my husband and we did trad 3mths later. It became soo glearing that we could not live together cos I saw a boy in him n not a man but the fear of disgrace moved me into pregnancy and white wedding.
The night of my white wedding which out of tiredness and pregnancy I was feverish gained me a beating.
In pregnancy I was beaten even on the road and humiliated infront of neighbours. My neighbours got used to seeing my nakedness.
Please today am separared with my two children staying with me. I dont
I dont regret but if I had left earlier when the signal was on I won't have been like this.
DeleteThe story is long and terrible. But I can't speak cos I believe I have moved on
My dear writer I know this comment is coming late but I want to advice u what I'll tell myself. As long as u will find where to put your head, my sugar MOVE OUT. On one unsuspecting day, move!!!! If u get mind like me, use your friend or sibling to ask him of some substantial financial assistance. Like sickness/business idea or plainly get a cheque leaflet!!!and use. If. U no get mind my dear quietly be nice for a while&learn a handiwork,preferably tailoring and Move out. Don't pick or reply his calls or sms. Try not to talk to too many people about the matter even if he's reporting u around. Your self esteem is what u need to preserve most in all this. Do all u can not to loose shape-live healtyh&attend responsible gatherings&occassions to meet people, be involved in the church/rotary/clubs to keep busy.
DeleteAbove all my dear I dunno what state u reside but go and learn handiwork o
I am Ebony whose comments u read in the POLICE AND 100k POST. My then hubby really really showed me pepper. I was 20 n he was 30 wen we met. I was happy I had found someone who loved me cos I have no parents. After our trad wedding,my only sis escorted me to his house,n wen she left he beat me 4 not telling him my sis wud be going with us. After2months I took in n wanted 2surprise him wit d news bt he beat me so badly dt I ran to a neighbour's house. The lady was angry n told me dt was how he used to beat his former gf. Anyway,if I cook well,na beating,if I burn the egg,beating. He leaves d house n comes bk 2days later wit no excuse. On d nite d police picked me,he had bn gone for 3days n I've asked his cousin bt he said he doesn't know his whereabouts. He punished me greatly. I took a parttime job so I can hv some money but he stopped me. All in all,I thank him for one thing: he sent me to the university. At least that gave me the qualifications I used to get this banking job. Again,I thank him for not killing me,cos he told me severally that he wud kill me n dump me in the bush dt as an orphan no one wud look for me not even my "poor,wretched "sister. Not to worry,I'll change my sis n d hubby's life so that he'll know that orphans can make it in life too.
DeleteI feel your pains dear, just put ur trust in God nd he will see you thru.
ReplyDeleteU r worth more babe. Leave bfor its too late. Tell ur parents if dey don't support u, dey wldnt b married to him for life so pls leave. U r an adult and u don't need anyone's permission to leave dis monster. And stop deceiving urself, ur mum wld not die. She would be happy u escaped dis. Even if it hurts her at 1st. No mother would want dat for her child. So stop deceiving urself. Dat man does not love u and would replace u as so as he finds someone else dat wld take his bullshit
DeleteACT FAST NOW.
ReplyDeleteI have not been married but i have seen what my mother has been through in the hands of my dad. When i am done with my exams for this semester i will find time to post her story on DV.
1. The first thing that my mother has done all these years is to ignore my dad and his bad mouth. When he says trash to you ignore him oh. It will pain him very well nothing kills a man more than silent treatment. Speak only when necessary.
2. STOP Giving him your allowance now that it is still early. He DID NOT Train you in school to be collecting your money. EVEN IF HE DID HE DID NOT EMPLOY YOU EITHER. My mums case is that she has been giving my dad her salary since cos he said he trained her in sch (university) She still regrets the fact that she did not shine her eyes at first. And She was wise right from the start cos SHE TELL MY DAD THAT THEY PAY HER HALF OF HER SALARY. So if he insists you should still give him money, report him to your family and his family or lie to him about the amount. DO IT NOW THAT IT IS EARLY.
Nothing is more annoying than when a woman does not have money to purchase the minor things that she needs or when she is not seeing the money she is working for.
3. Go for the fertility test on your own without his consent. This is for your own good so that you will know if the fault is from him or you before hand. Folic acid is a good supplement to take when you want to take in. I happen to be in the health feild so i know what im saying. if you doubt google it. Im not going to say the other meds, as i dont want you to do self medication. Folic acid is not harmful thats why i recommended it.
4. Dont hold grudges against him, make his food do all the right thing that you are supposed to do so that he would not have what to pick on.
5. You said he pushed you, well you should have pushed him back. I cant imagine anybody else marrying my dad cos his wahala is too much. My mum told me that when they newly got married he slapped her guess what she slapped him back. That was the first and last time he had ever raised his hands on her. He can mess up over and over again but he knows within himself say power pass power. If you allow him to beat you continously now that is early then get ready to see more of it. I am going to assume that the time he pushed you was the first time. If he dares to touch you again fight back NOW IF NOT IF YOU WAIT HE WILL NOW SAY THAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING TRASH INTO YOUR HEAD. AND WHEN HE SEES YOU ARE NOT HIS PUNCHING BAG HE WILL STOP.
5. SHOW HIM LOVE, YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT. You cant fight hatred with hatred.Look at water it runs freely has no enemy, it penetrates and run through the strongest rocks in the world.if you do so your conscience will be clear, although he may not appreciate it at first with time he will change.
6. Take care of yourself, pregnancy will happen when their is sex. I read somwhere that couples that have more sex are less likely to have a lot of quarrel. As you said yyou rarely see better hope he is not sleeping around just so you dont get infections. Let him find you attractive. Women tend to give up on looking good once they are married.
Finally, make i talk am for pidgin if you have tried everything listed above and prayed and it still doesnt work out MY SISTER WAKA GO except you have the heart to endure till death do you part.You are young and if you dont have a baby yet. Other than that there are still many fishes yet to be caught in the ocean.
NB: The reason why i gave those suggestions first rather than just saying you should walk out on the marriage is because this is a young marriage. Only 4 months. TRY TO FIX IT FIRST BEFORE MAKING YOUR FINAL DECISION.
Lady B.
U r so so ryt
DeleteU r so so ryt
DeleteLady B please I need to give U a hug for this please......
Delete@ post, if u sincerely try all this advise Lady B gave u and it does not work, then he never loved u and he will never....
But I repeat there is no man that can not be tame....
What fertility test. She needs to leave the marriage. Why should you bring up a child in such a chaotic environment. Please let go. You are still young. What can you actually say you are getting from the marriage apart from that you are Mrs. Abeg let him go and your family should give him his dowry.
DeleteLady B. God bless you. You said it all.
DeleteAaaaaaahhhhhh what kinda dirty advice is this...Thank God you are not pregnant yet, maybe its bcos he's not the right man...My Dear carry your load and run o...only 4monthhs and see what u are experiencing...Marriage no be do or die affair..Tell your mum ASAP and runnnnnnnnn...don't look back...Marriage is to be enjoyed not endured...NO MAN SHOULD SLAVE YOU IN THE NAME OF BEING SUBMISSIVE..
DeletePls,do everything she has suggested except get pregnant.I am in d same boat as youu but I already have a business and a daughter!I do all of this but also started planning my getaway.if it works fine then I will stay on but if not,I leave with my daughter that I can fend for and not an extra child I can't take care .do everything but be smart and ask for lots of God's wisdom
DeleteWhat kind of advice is this lady B? ..Poster, Poster, Poster, how many times did I call you? Run while you can o! You are too young to start fixing something that has no remedy,except miracle happens. From what you said about your husband,not only is he hot tempered,but he's very arrogant,mean and dubious!
Delete... I will suggest you let your people know what's going on,and I believe that they won't allow you spend another night under that monster's roof!..Maybe God is even showing you a sign, by not letting you take in for him! Violent men don't change o!..instead,they strategize!
My dear make double sure you do not get pregnant,he is just insisting you get pregnant so he can seal you to a life of doom,I speak from experience,if not for the special grace of GOD,what would have become of me and my two kids,hmmmm run now you have youth and no real ties to him,its way too early for him to exhibit so much violence!
DeleteEven if she goes to a marriage counsellor now they will still ask her to give it time. Court case is not a day matter. If she wants to leave it is better she leaves with a clear conscience knowing that she tried to make it work. And just to add, i did not say she must have a kid for him now. And do you know if she wants a baby? Its her own freewill.
DeleteLady B
If you're tired of crying, and you need Advice, the only Advice is to take a walk cos ure too young to be in such mess.
ReplyDeleteOh shut up, take a walk, take a walk, u not even married u just quick to advise... Pls take a back seat my friend where we talking marital matters....
DeleteAnon 9:06 why won't you respect ur old age? Yes we knw ur all old and shriveled up, but must you come in here to showcase ur stupidity? What's wrong with what obi typed? Isn't she rly too young to be in such a mess? Or is she suppose to start suffering this early morning? I suggest u shut up too cz u clearly don't know a thing or maybe its just ur age messing up wt ur brain! Ancient of days!
DeleteMy goodness! Ancient of days???#faints#Anon 1:34, u cracked me up for real wit dat comment.
DeleteThe fact that you haven't gotten pregnant is God gift to you to keep a bad mistake from getting really bad. This not what God wants for your life. Please tell your, pray before you tell her for God to give her the strength and wisdom to handle the news appropriately, then come up with a plan on how to leave him without letting the devil that you leave with know that you are planning to or when you want to leave. I think if you tell him, he might try to kill you. You are only 23 you have the rest of your life ahead of you, don' t the mistake you made of not speaking up before your trad cont to spiral out of control. LEAVE NOW that you don' t have any lasting ties to him like a child. I'm praying for you, may God be with you.
ReplyDeleteChioma
U need aDvice?seriously?get d hell out of dat marriage before we find u in d headlines of sun newspaper"husband kills wife of 4mnths after a meaningless arguement"my ssister,RUNNNN.thank God u dnt hv kids .so u can easily start life with anoda maan who luvs and wud treat u right.I wish u d best.God will see u tru.SONEE
ReplyDeleteMa mom always tells us that when yu rush into marriage, us definitly rush out. I sincerely hope u r learning from this. That said, ur lessons are enough.. Confide in ur mom, don't carry dis burden alone.ma sister u need to leave dt marriage, contrary to what pple wld tell u or what u believe,things would not get better.ur marriage is too young for all dis nonsense to be happening and that should tell u dat,thisbis who he is,stop trying to get pregnant, infact Stat praying u don't.break the bond now,leave now,don't ever ever take em back!moberry!
Deletena wa oooo... m speechless,,, m about to get married to a guy that ive not seen physically but we have been dating for 1 yr due to long distance relationship,,, we only met once but we started our relationship through texting, calls, skype etc... i have spoken to his family and our mutual friends say he is very nice too
ReplyDeleteHe seem nice and cool because we talk everyday and we get to know each other ... I feel i know everything about him but with this DV i am beginning to get scared.
Our sending is in 2 months already..
I will be meeting him physically a week to our wedding...
PS I had a 9yrs relatioship that broke up before this one kiked off
Has any body ever had this kind of experience before??
Miss Love
My dear, my bro inlaw has dat kinna rship 2 but I can vouch 4 him... It works for some and doesn't work 4 others, just be sure within urself and pray....
DeleteI have a bf I haven't seen in over a year. The only good thing is I knew him b4 his job caused the distance. I totally trust him(say what y'all like) and I'm waiting for him to get a new posting. My only fear is that if we get married, I dunno how I'll deal with the loneliness coz I'm emotionally drainned o. I'm Trying to build a support system sha. Aunty stella please create a post where ladies in long distance marriages can share how they survive it. Thanks
DeletePlease o, love yourself and flee , and tell your mum. Let him not kill you and for goodness sake dont try to get pregnant for the man!! Divorce him and live to your full potential.Stay with him and live as a shell of yourself. God bless you dear.
ReplyDeleteMy dear please run away from that guy before he kills you
ReplyDeleteAbeg no be by force to marry
LEAVE LEAVE. Don't think of where your going, or what people will say just LEAVE so you LIVE. What happens if you die now, wat do you think your munm will do then. This man can kill you, please my dear I feel for you LEAVE. If maybe church is your hindrance for not leaving, think of God, how does he feel seeing his child in pains like this, which father will desire for his child to be treated the wat you are being treated right now. Your lucky you don't even have a child. Believe me things will be fine, my mom had a similar xperience, it was painful even for me her daughter, it was hard to leave cuz "wat will people say" even after we left, the pains, the tears I was her only comfort, but today she's a happier person, her buisness is do well, I see her smile more often... So I understand
ReplyDeleteU better run for γφυr dear life b4 he kills u.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid this guy is a monster.You shld thank God u ve not even taken in.If u have a child for him,it becomes more difficult to leave him.Run for ur dear life my dear sis.It is well.
ReplyDeleteI think in a way its good for ppl to date for @least a year or two so they'll get to know each other very well b4 marriage,but that's not a full assurance that a little change can't come in tho. You ppl only did traditional marriage and he treats you this bad,can you stand it when you wed properly? I don't think so. You can't say you don't know where to run to,nobody told you that once you get married you can't go to your family house,did they? My advice dear,leave that marriage b4 its too late. I have a friend who also faced such and she left cos it was only the trad they did. This man might kill you o,act fast now and leave. Call your ppl and let them know your situation.
ReplyDeleteWhat advice do you need really??? What advice pls???
ReplyDeleteD fact dat u are a graduate doesn't make u ripe 4 marriage besides u are just 23.atlest u hv access to ur phone tell ur parents.n his parents but pls don't end ur marriage,u are to small to bear such names (she was once married wetin carry her cum back)is not for u dear.God is d maker of babies n u are still young to start looking 4 child.go to any big hospital as them for ovulation string so as to dictate ur ovun period it may be ovious u are making a mistake.check if u hv infection it may as well course it,n mind u don't u ever think of anything,u are d owner of d house u must not let a man lay his hand on u,challange him on dat n watch him stop.I love u gal soon u will tell us u just deliever a Baby boy.gudluck their
ReplyDeleteAre u kidding me???
DeleteI love her n'ebe! Onye asi mmuo! Bad advise. She should stay and die Abi!
DeleteBBC, dont bother to attempt this.
DeleteStop being silly please! She should pack up and go.
DeleteCarry a name " she was once married" ! That's our biggest problem. If people want to talk they can talk, but she can't stay in a useless marriage and be treated like a rag.
Wow Ist u are still very. Young to face this,am sorry but u so much rush tin, i understand the urge to get married as soon as a lady finish school or serving, but now d deed had been down, i wont advice u to quit now at least still fight for it.talk to ur mum,before it too late,then talk to ur pastor or abt it,u can also meet his people, all dis do it wit evidence,before u can now treathen him wit divorce, moreover alyz run for ur dear life weneav he wanna start his violence, and dont talk back at him wen he start insulting u, i guess daat y he get angry just keep quite and be looking, continue praying to God,wish u safe
ReplyDeleteIlliterate! She should stay Quiet and be looking as onuku Broadway Abi? When it's ur turn u can be looking.
Delete4mth is like yesterday . Please what you need now is separation, but before then talk to your mom and your family about what is going on in your marriage. Then finish your nysc from your family house get a job if possible. Why I say separation is it will give you time to think if you really want to be in that kind of relationship with him
Delete23????? And you are already going through this kind of wahala at your age? Please what is it with people and this marriage thing? Is it by fire by force to be married? Stay there and be praying to God for a marriage that is not meant to be when God is showing you signs that this man is not your husband. You better open up to your mom and tell her everything you have going through. You are too young for this kind of bullshit.......kilode!
ReplyDeleteWow dis is terrible..r u sure u didn't do any thing 2 warrant dis kind of treatment..woman search ursef very well..m sure u must av done somthin 2hurt him witout knowin he knows about it..u knw thinz lik hookin up wit an ex...
ReplyDeleteStupid whore. Hooking up with an ex is ur forte. I know. Anyway honey, not everyone is like you. A man has no right to heat a woman, no matter what.
Delete*hit
Delete@Julit,heat Kwa? Lol... Biko no fall me for my office chair with laffter o! @ josyliciouxx, this your comment is really pathetic. Gurl U'need to grow up! ASAP o, cuz age no dey ur side again...'''' Onukwu.
Delete@Julit,heat Kwa? Lol... Biko no fall me for my office chair with laffter o! @ josyliciouxx, this your comment is really pathetic. Gurl U'need to grow up! ASAP o, cuz age no dey ur side again...'''' Onukwu.
DeleteYou really have to STFU! Shoo, go away!
DeleteHow and why is this always the problem of "the men..." What did she see in a stranger of 4months or barely when she jumped at his proposal?.....oh! To gan showcase her wedding ban @ camp? beats me!!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, forget all this talk about your mom dying from the shock, contrary to that your mom has lived her full life and I bet she won't! Carry your two legs and runaway from this thin. Life is for the living and you still have a full one ahead of you! Before this guy turns you to damaged goods with all this battering and 80% of all indications are that the fertility problems are from the guy.
HEllo darlyn...run for ur life..if u stay back, u myt die b4 ur tym. U made a mistake. Correct it by leaving now. Damn d consequences. Pple myt talk for a while dat her 4mnths marriage crashed but after a whil, every1 wud stop talkin. The earlier u leave, d better for you. Just pack ur tings n go wen he's not at home and don't accept him if he comes bak beggin. A word is enuf for d wise
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you lovelyn. pls run for ur dear life. This man does not love nor appreciate ur being. Did he marry you just to bear children for him? Moreso, 4 months is too small for you or him to conclude/think you are infertile. Pls go bk to ur mum and family and let them know what is going on. Ur mum wont die of d shock. Even if ds man comss bk to beg for forgiveness, pls dont accept him bk. They (women beaters) never change except u want to send urself to an early grave. I hate women abusers.
DeleteMaybe you wronged him sometime along the line
ReplyDeleteSo she deserves the beatings and strangling abi???
DeleteGet up and leave. It's still just the traditional wedding. No kids yet. Leave! Leave!! Leave!!! Don't sit and wait for what we'd do. And don't take him back if he comes calling. You have your whole life ahead of you! Leave before he destroys you.
ReplyDeleteThat's what u get when u rush into marriage..
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of suitors right now and I pray 2 God 2 show me d right one - give me a sign or something.
One of them, *who is top on my list, is very selfish, egotistic and always suspicious of me; but he's good in other areas..
I'm taking my time and praying that God helps me make d right decision, cos I know myself- I can't take no shit from no man in marriage(u slap me, I break ur darn head)
My dear what are you waiting for ,,do you want do die ?? Run for your life , this man will never change . He will continue to beat you and treat you without respect . You are still young and you have a great life ahead of you . Pray to God to give you strength and courage . Don't worry about what your mama or other people will say . This is your life and you are responsible for your own happiness .
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend there is way around this mess. You need to be prayerful asking God to turn things around for you. You should also fast while praying. U see men and their ego is distroying a lot of homes these days. They act like they are God, but Trust me praying and fasting is d key.
ReplyDeleteFirst question, did she seek God's opinion before marrying this man? I mean, did she pray about him and God revealed this Man to her? If not, y will she now start fasting and praying for a man she is not sure is God's plan for her life..
DeleteSee, forget dating o,marriage is d real deal..its reality.. A man can be an angel during courtship and become a wolf in Marriage,dats y one needs to pray fervently and choose wisely ..
Its not too late to pray and know if this man is God's plan for your life poster cause me I doubt God will give u a man dat will treat you this bad.. I know my God,he won't give you what u can't withstand.. This is too much na, you are just 23yrs for crying out loud!
My dear I had a very similar experience. I got married in 2010 at 23 nd like magic he changed overnight,excessive violence and even at a point started locking mi indoors,he was also into hard drugs, gets high on everything and anything from cocaine to hemp,nd then beats d hell out Of mi.I was constantly in the hospital,at 23 I developed high blood pressure. He even refused that I will not complete my nysc programme,attending my call to bar was by Gods grace. its a really long and pathethic story, one I wouldn't wish for an enemy. Well bottomline is I left about 6months later,was already pregnant tho.it was hard,very hard but now am happy, the experience made mi a smarter nd better person,I thank God everyday that I left wen I did cos I would never had survived having my baby there. Now am happy and I have a stable job and the best son anymother can ask for. Also had numerous suitors not withstanding,tho am takin my time on dat one,cos some will tell u that no one will want u again,well that's not true. The descision is urs at the end of the day, search within and make ur descision so that watever the outome u would gladly bear it.
ReplyDeletePls run n stay wit friends o family apart from your mum and if she finds out tell her he has gotten a job abroad n decided to leave. You would tell her the truth when your back to ur happy self, atleast dat wunt hurt her much coz dis man might stab o pour acid on u o, dats hw it starts. Beware o n make sure u steal his money o valuables or even documents bfr u leave coz nothing is free in life
ReplyDeleteNa wa ooo,na wish advice person one giv for a 4months old marriage now ehn.
ReplyDeleteMy own BF sef can't control is mouth, dat 1 if dia is a small ish, d tins dis guy wld say ehn! U wld tink its mo dan wats on ground!
After deep tots, I just told him am nt doin agen oo, I can stand anytin, except a diarrhoea mout and a boxer!
Thank God u've nt done white. Run as fast as ur legs can carry you out of that coven. How can a man u call a hubby be giving u conditions as to when he'll walk u down d isle and worst of all beats you like an animal? I'm sure u've hrd of oda women's stories. My dear run and don't stay a lil longer only to be filled with regrets in the nearest future.
ReplyDeleteHe FORCEFULLY collects ΰя ALLOWEE???Wow,that's PATHETIC!!! First of babe,summon the courage †̥ tell ΰя family,ΰя mum especially,how do u think she would feel if Ʊ eventually land in the hospital from massive beatings??? Then,u should move out of the house FAST,it's only a LIVING being who can pray and fast for him †̥ change.His reluctance in takin Ʊ for a check up might just be 'cos he already knows he is the one with the problem.May God grant Ʊ His wisdom and strength dear!
ReplyDeleteGood, you will definitely find the man you deserve with your attitude of "slap me, I break ur darn head". You will definitely find out that that is no way to build marriage.
ReplyDeletePray to God to calm you down before you meet the person, pray to God to make you the right person for your future husband.
Anon 6:48a.m
ReplyDeleteDid I read right? Too young to leave the monster? Then, what you are indirectly saying is she's old enough to die!
My dear DV victim, talk to your mum. She won't die from no shock, trust me.
In the meantime, stop giving that SOB your allowee and get out of that house SOONEST.
God tried to warn you a week before your trad but you ignored 'cos of 'what will pple say or think of me'. The wagging tongues would have died down by now if you had ended the sham called marriage.
It ain't too late sweetheart, do not waste your life.
Stop trying to get pregnant for your sake and the unborn child's.
May God help you.
My dear, Thank God you are alive to tell the story. Leave now while you can. Meet with your Pastor and family and let them know the pains you are going through. There's no point of being in a Marriage that you are in Pains and Sorrows. Forget what people will say afterwards. But your Life is much more important than what people say. You will be fine Dear.
ReplyDeletehttp://sleek-lady.blogspot.com
Trust in God but run as fast as u can. U still have time dear.
ReplyDeleteSay What? Babe? Is this still happening now. Abeg wake up oh. How will you plan marriage with a man you haven't seen before? And your friend that says that He's nice, How did He/She knows. You are the one that will stay with Him till death do you part. Extend the Wedding date and get to know your Man well.
ReplyDeleteAbove all Pray to God and seek His Grace and Guidance.
http://sleek-lady.blogspot.com
Like my Papa always say (Bishop Oyedepo), a broken relationship is better than a broken Marriage. So all the Single Ladies (Including me#Lol#) need to shine our eyes and be prayerful. Pray against Wife Beaters, Efam or Bishops (Stingy men) and be patient.
ReplyDeleteMy darlyn pls pls nd pls just leave him go to work and dnt return go home to ur mother nd dnt ever agree to go back u r toooo youngggg pls dnt let him waste ur life he will probably never changer LOSER OF LIFE. It may b hard but u wil roll over tnk God no white weddin yet, in d time u r plaNnin ur escape ignore him.
ReplyDelete23? 4months old marriage? Coming with all of this heartache?
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you what hon, this whole union ain't meant to be.
People talked abt Kim kardash who left Chris after 72hours of marriage, now all the talk is over.
Where am I heading? Run now that you've still got a chance. A lot of women r stuck in marriages filled with dv all for what? "Because of the children"
You have nothing tying you to this 'beast' (pardon my cuss word),...so get the hell out.
If you don't know how to, just wake up one fine day and run, tell no-one of your where about...later call your parents and tell them of your reasons for running away from the marriage and your intentions of staying totally out of the so called marriage.
What a monstrous pretender under an umbrella of a MR!
Kim left Chris after 72 days and not 72 hours please.
DeleteFirst commit it into the hands of God by praying and fasting with a sincere mind,and make sure u don't insult of talk back at him,then if he doesn't change,pls tell ur mom and family members and even his own family before leaving the marriage because it's better to walk away alive than die in the marriage. Marriage is not by force and pls forget what people will say cos people must always talk.
ReplyDeleteYou r young! Am also a corper batch A 2013, i knw hw i strive 2 mange allowee!! Its as good as broke!! Den he colects your, beats you nd dnt give you anytin!!! Hmmmm aside d money you r human your parents didnt drive you from deir house!! Marriage isn't do or die!! Forget d stigma of a broken marriage!!! A broken marriage ȋ̝̊̅§ beta dan dis life you r living!! Go home to mum tell her evrytin nd neva you return involve d poilice so he won't harm you!! May God guide your steps!! Bt you will b most stupid if you sit back to endure d pains
ReplyDeletePlease run before it's too late especially now that you don't have a child 'tying' to him. You are still very young and you have many years ahead of you to recover. My best friend got married at 30,was in a bad relationship and never had a child. She left at 45 and regrets that she should have left earlier when everyone told her to. The guy impregnated 2 girls at the same time as soon as his fertility issue was resolved(he had the problem. It's better to make mistakes when you are young and have ample time to make corrections than to make a life defining mistake at an older age losing a fighting to recover
ReplyDeleteMy dear plsssssssssssssssssssss dont talk about getting pregnant for this guy. The best time for you to leave is NOW. It will be difficult when a child is involved. My advice is gett away from this guy first. Dont think about divource now just go away and think about what to do with your life. You can go to your mum and explain am sure as your mother she will understand. Life no get duplicate ooooooo.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I've heard a case like this that the husband beats up d wife regularly and ended up killing her one day thereafter killing himself. Once a man goes violent,it is advised a lady saves herself from untimely death.Ure too young to start facing marital issues.Call your mom and explain to her n flee for you life.
ReplyDeletePray and ask God to expose him to you, if there is anything you don't know about him it will come up. Pray sister, before you sign the dotted lines.
ReplyDeleteWhat again do u want God 2 expose? He has exposed dat d man is infertile reason why he refused 2 take d wife 2 d hospital 4 fertily checks, cos he knows he is d infertile one, God has also exposed dat he is a wife beater, and a beast, God still went 2 d extent of exposing 2 her dat d man is ready 2 collect all dat she will ever work 4 cos he has started collecting her small allowee...what other bad character is worse than all these? D earlier she lives d better 4 her biko, marriage is 2 be enjoyed and not 2 be endured, its not a do or die affair...
DeleteMy dear, I've heard a case like this that the husband beats up d wife regularly and ended up killing her one day thereafter killing himself. Once a man goes violent,it is advised a lady saves herself from untimely death.Ure too young to start facing marital issues.Call your mom and explain to her n flee for you life.
ReplyDeleteDear sister, when there is life, there is hope I'm not particularly in support of walking out of marriage but in a case where violence is involved,I'm scared you must run for your dear life. The worst thing a married woman can go through is her husband beating her day n night, apart from the bruises it will go so bad that you would loose your self esteem. Above all my dear, go to your maker n speak to him more than ever before,he will definately heed to your voice. It is well with you
ReplyDeleteAs long as u've not gone to church, u can simply walk away... Cos God only recognize d binding in His temple... Ur life is more important... Or u can simple be a Virtuous woman and stay put in ur Union... And pray 4 a miracle...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for what you are going through.
If he kills you, your mother will die of the shock even more than knowing he is a bastard now. He's supposed to be treating u like a princess; just 4 months. Babe it will be hard for it to get better honestly. God doesnt want you to bring a child into that kind of wilderness oh.Do you want that for your child? run for your life first and then from outside, ARRANGE 4 STRONG BOYS TO GIVE HIM THE BEATING OF HIS LIFE. HE'S A COWARD AND A FOOL
ReplyDeleteSince u've not done ur white wedding n not preg fr him yt,pls run for ur life n tell ur mum abt it,telling er would elp too..runaway as fast as u can ooooo...
ReplyDeleteYou should be grateful you are yet to take in because it becomes more difficult to leave with a child or leave the child behind and leave. I will advice you to run for your dear life,your allowance can still sustain you for the time being.RUN FOR YOUR LIFE,NO MAN KILLS HIS WIFE INTENTIONALLY,AVOID THE EXCUSE OF DEVILS HANDI WORK AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
ReplyDeleteI don't really understand most women who are abused in their monster-of-a-husband's house. What, in GOD'S GRACIOUS NAME, are you still doing there? The only reason I can think of, if it's sensible, is that you're trying to make your marriage work. Haba! If that is closer to the truth, can't you make it work from another location?! Would you rather be a daily punching bag for someone who doesn't value you? Are you concerned about what people will say? Well, people will ALWAYS say something, whether it's working or not. Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseee, I beg you in the name of Anyone or anything you believe in- LEAVE THAT MAN AND SAVE YOURSELF. A word is enough for only the wise, not the foolish.
ReplyDeleteBaby u ar too young 4dat kind of stuff.u better run 4ur life atleast God don show u sign by nt taking in..talk to ur family and his family b4 taking leavn .so dat dey will kno dat der son is a monster.pple will talk but don't mind dem.u hv ur life to leave.nobody will leave ur life 4 u even u leavn der own 4dem..act fast b4 u die.nobody in dis life is worth dieing 4.God guide and bless u as ur doing it
ReplyDeletePeople always sat "Pray! Pray!! Pray!!!" I don't disagree but girl you've got to be fast before its too late.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why people find it difficult to tell their family once they are in domestic mess. Family will always be family o! Family will be there for u. Open ur mouth and tell your mum even though I know she might say "Nne, endure and work it out and pray it will get better. what will people say about me pls don't do this to me " (olden days style) my dear pack ya bag. You're young and u don't even need to go to the hospital for no gadderm fertility test. Its all in your favour that you're not pregnant. You have a chance to start over again with a more responsible man. Once he weds u in the church it becomes more difficult to leave. Return the facking dowry to the nigger.
My friend ran away from her matrimonial home to Nigeria from London with just what she was wearing and her passport plus her two kids.
She's very happy today and doing Soooooooo well even though it wasn't easy but she made that move and she married early just like u. Don't bother working it out darling. He's obviously an animal and will not change.
Pray for him to stay alive and see what you'll become and how a fellow man will treat u like a princess.
NB
Mind u, his family will support him so don't go to them. It's better they see u as a bad person now and u remain alive than u die trying to please those crabs.
I wont advice u to leave ur marriage cos am no advocate of divorce but u can seperate from him for a while so u both can sit down alone and ask ur self what u want.. Its not bad u married at 23,its not early or late,i married at 21 and i'm 23 now. So its not really abt the age,i too graduated and served before getting married,even tho marriage isnt a bed of roses,i am always thankful for the kinda man i married
ReplyDeleteYour marriage is just 4months old,even if u go to the hospital,u wont be treated on any fertility issue,u can only be treated after a yr,so if u go now,the doctors will give u appointment date to come back after a yr of marriage. the fact that u havent conceived now doesnt mean there is a problem,it could be stress related,hormonal imbalance or u have released a good egg yet,we release one egg every month but not all of them are variable,out of 12,5 might only be the variable ones.. so dont stress urself. just wait and do not set ur mind on that,if not it wont happen... Just relax and all will set in
As for the vioence,talk to ur family and his family so that they can talk to him,tell them what u are going thru,ur mother wont die,she will be with u every step of the way. if he doesnt change,go back to ur father's house and wait till he comes back to his senses,do not divorce him,just seperate if he doesnt change,go back hom,when he comes begging,tell him u will come back to the house after he agrees to follow u to court. let him sign undertaking in the court house since u both got married in the court that if he ever touches u,he will do blah blah blah,put something that u know he wouldnt want to joke with..
I wish u the best. Try and make it work. Learn to pick ur battles too but if at the end of the day u choose to divorce him,then make sure u wont be in any other marriage cos the bible gave infidelity as the only ground for divorce and it went as far as stating that if u divorce,no party should remarry unless if one party is dead. any way good luck
Adiasy jayde.....i no its u commenting under anon....so u v left wives connection abi n ur here as anon....hehhehehehe wat happend to ur google id
Delete23 ,my dear you have plenty time in the world ,and you still there thinking ,abeg take a walk .people will say stay and pray ,just four months of marriage and you having heartache ,abeg take a walk ,run if you can ,just start moving dont even wait
ReplyDeletedear girl i sympathize with u. kindly ignore all the advise that comment #2 has given u pls. she is giving u ways to manage the marriage after 4 months. please i suggest u pack ur bags and run as fast as ur legs can carry u. leave that wife beater. dont u ever turn back. dont worry about where u r goin bcos ryt now u r nowhere, so if u kno where u were b4 he married u i suggest u go back there. Do not, i repeat DO NOT attempt to see a doctor even by urself bcos the moment u take in, leaving bcomes harder. u r now responsible for anoder person. will u now run away and leave ur child with such monster, wat if he rapes her, abducts her, ow will u feed her...these tots will make it hard to leave.trust God and see wat He will do..
ReplyDeleteThanks Lady B 4 those piece of advice. If she can buy then, it will do her a lot good.
ReplyDeleteAsi k'isiri! Dumbest advice ever. Don't you get it? This girl might get killed or damaged by this monster!...habaa why can't you see that this poor lady is lucky to be alive today..have you considered the physical and psychological effect this monster's treatment is causing her? Has no respect for her,even in public! Beats and degrades her like a maid? Shuning and spiting her all cuz she hasn't taken in within 4months? Beats her like a punching bag!....
DeleteIf she's your sister or daughter, tell me, would you give her this misleading advice?
First of I doubt that anyone in serious problem will come on a blog that exposes people marital problems to seek help. Like seriously, who does that.
ReplyDeleteWhat time do you have to come on a blog to lament, do you not know God, or do you think that the solution to your problem will be solved here.
My dear wise up get on your knees and pray,prayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy this blog is to avenue for such.
Everyone has one problem or the other in their marriages it's all faith and works.
First of all,any guy who tells u to take in before he marries u is an asshole.Consider this,wot if u take in and after the wedding,u loose the child as a result of his violence?What if after the baby is evacuated and no child is forth coming anymore,wot will u do?W ill u lie down on a road and tell him to drive over u?My dear its early,forget what u think people will say,pack your bags ,return to your mom and send back his bride price.
ReplyDeleteBabe pls run o. Thank God u are yet to have a church wedding. Run before its too late and trust me your mom won't die from shock if she finds out.
ReplyDeleteI hate divorce but madam you have to leave this marriage! You are still young, educated and no child, this is very easy.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, i think the best option u have for yourself is to leave because i shouldn't see y he will be beating you up all the time. more so, you are still very young to pass through all this. please go back to your parents u will definitely see man that will honour u as a wife. so many women experienced this in the pass, and some lost their lives in the process. there a programed i listened to concerning victimization of women the advice that any woman experience victimization of any kind should work away when experiencing the case of yours. you are very young and you marriage is young as well so you have the option of working away cos if u think you can change him that is a lie cos the next thing is you destiny he wants to destroy. good luck.
ReplyDeleteyes i have had it, but u know wat?? the devil u know is better than the angel u dnt know, and again its not always greener at the other side. i almost wanted to dump my 7 years relationship becos of a guy i met on fb through a mutual friend of ours. the guys wanted to kill me with luv, calls me every sec of the day and night, promised marriage and all that but after some time, i started seeing his true color. the good news is that i finally made up with my boyfriend and today i am happily married to him with a son. so u see dnt give up what u have had for so long for sm1 u barely even know.
ReplyDeletemy one cent
Ma d̅ear, u are still single and pls let dat sink.. Even if u are just a domestic appendage of dis monster of a Man, u still deserve some respect even if dat is what d four-month old relationship can offer..
ReplyDeleteThe bulk of those teLling you to opt out are probably going through worse in their marriages or even still single in their parents' homes praying of husbands.
ReplyDeleteLook here, the grass isn't greener on the other side, every marriage has its teething problems, ask any young couple,I can tell you firsthand, being married for 2years. Every couple 5yrs and above can attest to the fact that men usually dispaly all sorts of behaviour(some people may say to themselves *not my husband*, yimu# u know deep down he changed a bit after marriage), some even do the unimaginable but the woman endures and keeps trying to find a way around it.
If you opt out now, believe me, the next guy has his flaws too, even worse! Would you opt out too?
Some men are nice intially and 1yr or 6mths after the marriage, go crazy and start beahving irrational.
In my opinion, I will advise you to stay there, speak to him whenever you get the chance to, calmy express your fears to him and let him know everything that bothers you, every man has his mumu(quiet)days, he will listen, may not accept but at least, you would communicate..
Don't tell his people, too early !!!!! Warning no.1, the bulk of in-laws end the young marriage before it starts, only a few women are lucky with understanding in-laws. Inform your mum and tell her to come speak to him and plead with him on your behalf, every mum wants her daughter to have peace of mind in her home, she will know how to handle it, our mothers suffered worse in the hands of our fathers.
Also, make use of the advice the lady above who sighted her mum's example gave except you hitting him back. Some men could give you merciless beating from hitting them back. From your letter, he's an agressive fellow and you need to be very calm to weather the storm..
When couples newly marry, the women see so many changes that frusrates her and she feels like opting out but we(me inclusive) just try to find a formula that best suits our home.
If he was very nice to you and has suddenly changed to an animal, please ask if you have offended him/ur in-inlaws in anyway or done something.
I sincerely hope you find happiness because you need to be @peace to get preganant. Good luck and please update stella on what happens afterwards.. Cheers.
Ladyzee
Modaran!!!
DeleteDid you read the part where she said he beats her and collects her alawi and she's left with nothing.
Haba now,I can condone anything but not beating.. Beating is way out of it..kilode? Is marriage licence to Eternal life??
Left for me o, d poster needs to leave that environment for now caue if she doesn't it is only by God's grace dat beating go stop o..Poster,abeg,miss,runaway,let everyone start looking for you and then u can make contact with somebody and tell them all that has been going on,difinitely family.. This kain battle u no fit fight am alone o!!
Exactly how many minutes did you waste typing this crap??? She should take folic acid and take in for a man who hits her like this at just 4 months of marriage?! I'm getting you! When he kills her you'll come here and write RIP abi?? Everybody is not your mother who stayed and survived please! and just so you know, your mother is not the perfect example here. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteRun for your life my dear...
ReplyDeleteOne word:RUN
ReplyDeletesit down there and continue crying. How does someone take your allowance from you unless you give him? is he the one that does your CD/community development for you or goes to the bank to take your money from the account.
ReplyDeletestay there and don't tell your mum. You can come to blog to talk but can not tell a single member of your family what you are going through? ok now
stella post my comment o, this lady needs a rude shock to wake her from her slumber.
shut your very dirty mouth......stupid idiot
ReplyDeletedo you want to die now? do you want to be deformed? do you want to be crying every time? am sure your answer to all this will be no.......no need for prayers or anything just pack your load and flee to your mothers' place......tell her everything....if you like do mumu go back you are on your own, the guy is a bad person and can kill you one day. so now its just traditional you did leave him and go start a new life....you are still young......A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE DARLING
ReplyDeletePlssssssssssssss leave now, if you need help google 'project alert on voilence against women' for their contact, they will surely assist you
ReplyDeleteWALK AWAY! D devil's trying to destroy ur future, God gave u a sign b4 d traditional marriage u ignored* listen to that voice dat is speaking to you to opt ouT* @least u've not bin to God's presence to marry* dnt even tink of getting pregnant plz RUNNNN#Sugarous Sugar
ReplyDeletePlease Leave, ive been in ur shoes and i left afer 4 months and am a lot happier. People will only talk for a while.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, i think the best option u have for yourself is to leave because i shouldn't see why he will be beating you up all the time. more so, you are still very young to pass through all this. please go back to your parents u will definitely see a man that will honour u as a wife. so many women experienced this in the pass, and some lost their lives in the process. there is a program i listened to concerning victimization of women the advised that any woman experience victimization of any kind should work away when experiencing the case of yours. you are very young and you marriage is young as well so you have the option of working away cos if u think you can change him that is a lie cos the next thing is your destiny he wants to destroy. good luck.
ReplyDeleteOnce derez 'DOUBT' forget it. If only ull listen just leave dat marriage,its better to convince ur parents n who ever cares to know after ur trad than after ur white wedding. If I had an opportunity for people to advice me during the tym I faced mine,i m sure I'll be in a Better place today. Nne forget marriage,enjoy ur youthful days,wen ur hubby comes dere won't b an atom of doubt
ReplyDeletePlease don't be deceived or carried away,cos he'll try to please u n find his way back once u tell him ur leaving d marriage. You really ve to know ur worth n make up ur mind. Whatever he gives u another man can give u more.
ReplyDeleteMy own 2cents? - please leave d marriage while u still can, this isn't rocket science leave him this minute before he maims or kills u. Don't dwell on what to do, just move out back to ur parents then explain to ur mum wen u get home - after u'v moved
ReplyDeleteRun before he kills you..... You survived the first neck strangling, you may not survive the next... A word is enough for the wise
ReplyDeleteStella, you update comments so fast... Good job...
ReplyDeleteBe strategic, if you feel your family wont belive you, use the record button on your phone to record conversations and the beating .... Don't let him catch you sha.. If he kills you, he will marry another girl..maximum of 1 year after you.. Don't be a learner. May God give you wisdom to handle this situation. IJN.. Amen
ReplyDeleteMy darling, please ensure you meet and court properly before you marry your man. I am in the middle of a divorce now after 5 years of marriage. I courted my husband for about 11 months mostly over the phone as he lived abroad and I in Nigeria and he seemed very nice throughout the courtship. We married and I moved abroad to join him before I realized he was a completely different person from the one portrayed. My 5 year marriage was a psychological hell and I had to leave early this year at the onset of mental illness.
ReplyDeleteToday I am grateful to God for helping me get away as I rebuil my life with is Help.
In summary my dear, virtual courtship is dangerous, it gives you a false sense of closeness. I suggest you go through proper courtship please so you become properly acquainted with that man before marrying him. People who have lived abroad for too long often have values and beliefs shockingly different from those of us who grew up in Nigeria. Please be careful.
U better wake up and package ur essential items in such a way he won't suspect and run, run, run, when next you go for your CD or collect ur allowance, never return home to that place look for a friend in another state and run away but make sure you take permission from NYSC for the period u be away then if u have evidence, be smart and be recording any altercation with ur smartphone to use against him in future. Run RUN RUN. he is a monster
ReplyDeleteThere is no excuse for a man to hit his wife even to hit any lady but this poster has only given us one side of the story. There are men that can't take any form of insult. Am married, I won't say I have the best marriage, even as I speak to you am quarreling we my husband just that we make it a rule not to keep malice but anyone can cut the tension between us. if my husband were to be the type that throws his fist, omo!!! my face for don scatter but I thank God, my mouth is sharper than razor blade and I don't know how he manages not to get angry to the extent of not hitting me. The point am trying to bring out here is that the lady should stop whatever she's doing to get her husband to the extent of hitting her. For those that will cuss me out, peace to y'll
ReplyDeletePls dear try and talk to your parents about it because the more you try to cover up for him the more he will treat you like you have nobody, you are still very young, finish service and get a job, make up ur mind and leave that man before he disfigures you or kills you. A word is enough for the wise!
ReplyDeleteYES DEAR. I AM MARRIED NOW. MY MARRIAGE IS ALMOST 4YEARS, I GAVE UP MY RELATIONSHIP OF 7YEARS COS OF TRIBALISM BUH U KNOW WHAT, THATS WAS D GREATEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. I HAVE 2 KIDS FOR A MAN THAT TURNED INTO A MONSTER AFTER OUR WEDDING NIGHT. HE WOULD GO OUT, GET DRUNK, COME BACK HOME AND TURN ME INTO A PUNCHING BAG. HE WOMANIZES LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW( THIS WAS A MAN THAT NEVER TOOK ALCOHOL WHILE WE WERE DATING AND ALSO TOLD MY PARENTS HE WOULDNT TOUCH ME TILL WEDDING NIGHT). I WOULD CRY MY EYES OUT, HE WOULDNT COME HOME FOR DAYS. U KNOW WHAT I STARTED DOING,I STARTED IGNORING HIM, I WOULD DRIVE TO WORK, HANG OUT LATE WITH D LADIES, COME BACK HAPPY. NOW, HES ALL OVER ME BUH THE TRUTH IS I DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE. I HAVE TO KIDS FOR HIM, THATS Y AM STILL IN D MARRIAGE, WOULD HAVE TAKEN A WALK A LONG TIME AGO.
ReplyDeleteBetter not to give advice if you don't have something constructive to say. Even if she cheated on him, a real man will open his mouth and let her know. It's called communication.
ReplyDeleteUse your head know say na 72 days I mean and d "hour" was a mistake.
ReplyDeleteThank u shaaa...
You need a husband and not a man.The guy is not ur husband. Take a clue from Akindele alias Jenifa and take a bow dear.There is still good guys out there to be ur husband and not ur man.Is well with you. The earlier,the better.Ka Chineke nonyere gi,Amen.
ReplyDeleteMy dear please do not suffer in silence. Share with your mother however the ultimate decision rests with you. You are 23 years old and the world is your oyster. Yes, people may laugh and mock but its better to be alive to hear their taunts and see the look on their faces when God brings the right man into your life.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not about age but maturity. I am enjoying my married life because I did so much as a single person. By God's grace, I realised my academic and career goals. I travelled on my own, I bought property. I am proud to be a Mrs but also proud my deed is in my maiden name.
How well do you know him? Is this a one-off or is this the true person he is? Listen to your heart not what people may say. You are the only one suffering now. There's so much ahead of you.
You should be happy in your marriage not sad, scared and confused. I pray God gives you wisdom on what to do. God bless.
@cleo, nne no vex. U no see where I correct the blunder? Na the heat of the matter .
ReplyDeleteAny body that is telling this young lady to continue with her marriage plans with the kind of behavior her fiance is exhibiting has a WICKED SOUL! Haba! so she should risk loosing her life because she wants to answer Mrs? The grass is not greener I agree but not all of us are tending our gardens with a murderous partner.
ReplyDeleteBabe you are just 23! with your whole life ahead of you. do not allow this man to destroy you before your time. If I have a 23yr old sister & I hear that her fiance is toying with her life...that man will regret ever laying his filthy hands on her!
Tell your mom; who told you she will faint from the shock? Mine won't,instead she will shed her last blood before the monster destroys the daughter she suffered to bring up.
He does this now, what is the guarantee that the worst is not to come? no man changes unless he wants to...
Well & good pray for his soul but not while you are receiving deadly blows. Marriage is to be enjoyed & not to be endured. It has a lot of challenges but why should you add an extremely abusive man to it? You need someone to grow old with, someone willing to take up where your parents stopped & he won't rest until he nurtures you to you reach that zenith God wants you to. A man to laugh & play with, that will edify you & support you & your dreams, that will not cause you to shed bitter tears & live in fear & uncertainty. My dear we still have such men & I have seen women who are married to them. Tolerate & endure anything but not when your life is involved.
All these people calling God; will He give you what will end up destroying you? Will he give you a man who will butcher you with his hands? You will be the first to ask why she didn't leave him when he finally kills her (God forbid)
It is never to late to back out.
What have you done to get treated like this? His behaviour may not be ordinary.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he loved you from the get go. I think he married you due to family pressure.
A man wants to marry his choice but his family opposed his decision. He meets a lady who he feels his family will approve of; charms her and her family with his superficial acts and they fall for it.
The part of your mail that got me was your request to visit the doctor and his reply that he won't spend a dime on you. That got me SHOCKED!
Lady, there's more to this than meets the eye. Please inform your mother; we don't want to read another woman killed by husband post.
@ Annon#7, I guess am in such situation as you too and truth is this got me scared. However, having left a 7yr relationship for this, I keep telling myself that fear shouldn't be a barrier. Good thing for you is that he is abroad so beating u will be out of the question.
ReplyDeleteI go with Annon#3: seems she has a first hand experience of what this is all about. My mum also said if not for her kids, she would have left my dad and truly speaking I personally can't marry a man like my dad cos I won't be able to handle him.
I don't think I would stay with a man who complains and beats me about not getting pregnant when he is not even ready to help the situation. 2 cant work together except they agree. Walking out may be the best option but I must say you must have a lion heart to do that considering your age and situation.
If you must walk, make up your mind that whatever your life turns out to be, you are better off with it than with him. The guy I dated who left me for another got disappointed and wanted back but I made up my mind that if he was the only man on earth, I would refuse to get married. It wasn't easy but if you cross your mind to face your life, you have to be courageous and God will see you through.
'He would rather flush his money down the toilet than invest a dime in you, his wife'. Now,thats one hell of a husband. You need to talk to someone he respects. Who and who came with him to ask for your hand during your traditional marriage.
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Stella i am commenting for the first time. I am a christain and a lawyer. My dear give this man space. You are way too young.Thank God there is no child yet. Please leave now while you can. I do not treat divorce matters but my firm does. we can help you. Please LEAVE NOW!!!
ReplyDeleteHello young lady,,pls find a way to tell ur mum,,look for a day she's very happy and just pour out ur mind to her,,and pls quit that marriage,,,since u have not been joined together in the church/mosque which is the ultimate,,then u can still put asunder to this ugly thing u call marriage.u can always go to court and seek for divorce but there is no divorce in God's dictionary. Moreso,the fact that u're not pregnant for him yet makes ur case a very easy one,,,,u're just 4months together and he is complaining about ur inability to get pregnant,,,what happens if u're unable to take in in 2 or 3years??? this man is not someone u can grow old with and from the look of things,,i think the age difference between the two of you is much so he's probably treating u like a kid,,,,u are too young to face this and i tell u,,,worry,anxiety,depression are also causes of infertility( though not major causes) and there is no way u'll be passing thru all dis that these things wont set in....above all commit ur ways into God's hands,,it is well!!!
ReplyDeleteu are valuable to God and ur family. pls leave now. i checked online sometime ago and d number of women killed by there husband was alarming. pls go back to ur family. we dont want u to die and join d list of those killed by their husband
ReplyDeleteListen, RUN don't ever look back. This man will kill you in everyway possible and you will remain alive to endure it all.
ReplyDeleteThere is NO shame in being abused
There is NO shame in leaving someone because of abuse
There is NO shame in correcting a mistake of marrying the wrong person.
You're only 23, you have recognized you've made a mistake, now correct it and leave him. He's only just started with you, he's abusing you verbally, emotionally, financially and physically. I suspect he's also abusing you sexually but you haven't shared that because of the shame that surrounds that. It will only get worse. Save your bright future and leave him alone. You deserve love, true love without belittling or violence.
Tell your mother, find a support system in your family and friends, leave this man so you can have a life to live.
My dear if u still wants 2 continue wit d marriage just go to any local govt nd report the matter 2 d welfare people then dey will give ur hubby conditions of how to marry u nd if he didn't comply dey will sue him.
ReplyDeleteBeloved, I've been there but you have got all the signs to leave.He will never change except by divine intervention of God. But if not,You're still young to die young. Leave!!! No child, better! you still have greater chances of re-marrying. Don't spend your life in hell in the name of marriage. He is an abuser!! Check out on the internet, 'Battered Women Syndrome.' Then you will no no-one to advice you again. Bless you!!
ReplyDeleteGet a gun and dish that bastard or u can leave nw without delay and sentiment.DON'T HV ANYTHING TO DO WID HIM AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteIf any idiot should lay his filthy hand on my sis,hell will be too small to contain him!
My dear girl,
ReplyDeleteI just read your story. I was about to go for a meeting at work now, but i said i must say something if not my conscience will prick me. Young girl, leave now. Simply leave! Take your next allowance and go back to your mother. You will survive. I know his type. He wants to use you and wreck your young life. That you dont have a kid is a blessing. so you can easily take a walk now without wondering what will become of the kids. You will have kids latter biko. Leave this man now. There are many fishes in the river .. You have the world ahead of you. You will get the right man later now you have gathered experience. Good luck !
MY DEAR GET OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE FAST AND DO IT NOW. PLEASE DO NOT BE A DEAD IDIOT. BE WISE. HE IS HALF A MAN AND A BLOODY SUCKER
ReplyDeleteGet out of the Marriage before you are killed.don't die in silence your parents and your fans love you so much we cant afford to see you cry....pls think abt it.
ReplyDeletePlease leave the marriage alone,he seems to be a killer we all love you we cant afford to see cry and not be happy.so girl put yourself together and move ahead with your life...
ReplyDeletemy dear ...i had a whole epistle to write but d people have said it all...the marriage is not for you that is why God has stopped u from taking in..dis same monster still sleeps with you.. ??? except u re trying to look perfect to ur friends and family so dey dont laugh at u.. better leave now u can..nothing as-take bcos in the end nobody is perfect.. my sister left her marriage with a 2months old baby..but today shez happy and her divorce has been granted..wat can i say, the story is too long but pls find the courage to leave.. tell ur parents.. who throws away the baby with the bath water??? they might be hurt both am sure dey rather have u come home than dying a miserable young lady..
ReplyDeleteI hope stella posts this. My dear girl, my sister was in your shoes, but she got out b4 the white wedding. She called it off a nite b4 d wedding, wen he threatned to beat her over d fone cos his lil sister said she wasn't comfortable in d rm she was given n we cldnt move her. Trust me it was d best decision she made. Today she's engaged to smone dat believes d moon revolves arnd her. Pls and pls, leave now b4 its too late. Ur mum wld not b happy dat he's treating u like a slave. Pls.
ReplyDeleteMy sister ,I don't know how I come about your story,but I will give you an advice as a Pastor and a marriage councillor pls.you started on a wrong foundation.There is no where in the bible where you are allowed to live with the man you have no married with,beside you did not mention God input of instruction before you make your decision .My sister, many things were wrong and you can not build your life long relationship on this type of foundation .Get into a bible believing Pastor or Christian marriage councillor and tell you story.He will pray with you and lead spirit you to receive the next direction from your creator.
ReplyDelete