WHAT SHOULD HE DO?
The sender of this mail did not ask for any advice but i think he needs some.please read his mail carefully and do not add petrol to this situation.lets look for how best to help him win his wife back..he might say he is not bothered but he is......
what is wrong is wrong,he should not have retaliated but the deed has been done...read his mail and advice him.
If you comment jargon,i will not enable your comment so do not come in here to play with serious matter.okay?
'' Dear Stella
For the sake of my privacy, I would like to remain anonymous for now. I hope you understand.
Two weeks ago, I hit my wife for the first time after two years of marriage. True, she has a hot temper but I have been coping with her and we have always managed to settle our differences amicably, until now. What happened was she asked me for N50,000 flight ticket money to Port Harcourt to attend her Company’s seminar. It was all I had at the time and I explained that I couldn’t release the money as I intend to pour it into my café business (I’m an IT Engineer and also owns an Internet Café on the side).
Immediately, she flared up and wouldn’t even hear me out. She demanded I hand over the money or else. I refused to back down, so we had a big fight during which she removed the bathroom slippers she was wearing and hit me on the head with it. I was so angry I rushed her three hot slaps in retaliation and stormed out.
I came back to meet an empty house and a note from my wife saying she’s at her mother’s and I shouldn’t bother looking for her. My mother-in-law called me later and after cursing me to her heart’s content, told me she’s coming to pack her daughter’s (my wife) belongings out of my house. All my efforts to meet my wife and talk with her since then has been in vain.
True to her word, last Saturday (June 1 2013) she came, together with my wife and packed away everything belonging to her (down to the dish rack in the kitchen).
I’m sending you this Stella, because of your blog on domestic violence. Maybe I shouldn’t have lost control and slapped her, I don’t know, but she shouldn’t have hit me with that bathroom slippers either. That is very, very insultive. Where I come from, it’s the same as pulling out your soiled sanitary pad and bouncing it off your man’s head.
As for my wife, I’m not going to beg her forgiveness. Since she has decided to leave rather than stay and work things out, let it be. If she decides she still wants to come back, that’s fine with me. We will make up and continue with life. On the other hand, if she doesn’t want me anymore, that’s fine with me too.
Truly yours
Mr Anonymous''
this is serious... oga this one u are like if she decides to come back, it's fine with u, what if she decides to come back in 10 yrs time, will u be waiting for her? I support u. No beg her. She and her mom will soon come to terms with reality.
ReplyDeleteAre both of u still in love with each other? If yes pls both of u should talk things over, swallow ur pride. Cos ur marriage is too young to start suffering. Peace!
Mr Anonymous,if what you sent in is true,then I really can't blame you for your actions. Your wife is being childish & her mother is enabling her to her own downfall,50k can do a lot for any business that will profit the family. My elder sister is very hot/bad tempered & we were all relieved when her husband took her off our hands,she has done unspeakable things to her hubby & he retaliated the same way you did. She left her home & my mom scolded both her & her hubby severely,fortunately she came back to her senses when another woman nearly took her position. My advice,try to speak with her & resolve issues without putting urself down in the process but if she refuses,hold ur peace.
ReplyDeleteIf I say what I want to say nw stella will nt post my comment so lemme say this instead: 1. Pride has absolutely nothn to do with love. 2. Asking for forgiveness doesn't make u weak. 3. If u feel its fine if she doesn't come back, maybe u shudnt have married her in the first place. 4. Two people can't be stupid at the same time in a marriage, so be the adult. And lastly but def the most important. *THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION FOR HITTING UR WIFE* (if the pad likes let it have been used for one week :p)
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is no justification but the truth is that she was selfish and unreasonable!she went too far.
DeleteHe's obviously sorry cos he knows he was not right by hitting her.
As for me,I score the 50/50.no cheating!
As for u,if u are a woman(I'm almost postive u are) never rely on "its not right to beat a woman,while behaving recklessly.always remember,its not right to disrespect a man!
PS- I'm a woman
Dnt mind d yeye southern fried,what a daft and stylish way of blaming d man totally. The more u disrespect a man,the more evil u make out of him even if he's a good man. It is only 1% out of the men out dere that wud walk away in dis instance n dts even afta he must ve fot the instinctive reaction to hit back!!! So shut ur trap southern fried and go n respect ur hubby cos obviously u dnt and u are a big feminist who wud lead women astray in their homes. And yes am also a woman!
DeleteAon 4.19 and 8.19!!! Gbam! Ebayi ju! God bless you!
DeletePls under what law does it say..its cool for women to HIT a MAN???? Yes, I am PROUDLY A SHE!
Oga Sir,
ReplyDeleteIn Yoruba land we have a saying that the person who hears just one side of a story is a very wicked person. We have your own side of the story...My brother, in as much as you were sorely vexed by what your wife did; u should have probably just walked out on her; u know we women dont like the silent treatment, if u had walked out i bet she will be the one looking for you now. well that said, please when ur tempers have cooled down, it is best to be a man and reconcile with ur wife.Please try and do away with anger and ego and make up with your wife. Do you want to throw two years way just like that? have u forgotten the vows you made and all the stress u went thru to get married? Both of you have a right to be angry but kindly reconcile and dont let physical abuse have a foothold in your home.
But everyone have been listening to one side of the story since (the woman's story of DV) and it has been okay to condemn men. The same thing would have been said to the man even if the woman had slapped him first. Should women have monopoly of violence (verbal & physical)? My advice to the young man sha is consider the woman as the weaker sex. My father used to say to me "What's the point of beating a woman when it is obvious you can beat her?". To be fair to you again, I don't consider your slaps as beating. They were just a wakeup call to your wife. Swallow your pride and go for her. At least, she now knows that you can bite.
DeleteHas she forgotten her vows too? We could ask her the same questions!
DeleteLet's be fair,people have issues but when u let in a 3rd party be it ur mum or a friend,u will be making the biggest mistake of your life.
Except Mr Annonymous is lieing&he actually beat her mercilessly,I think she had 3 slaps coming.not that I support a man beating a woman oh!
Just asking that you should be objective.Men too can be victims of domestic violence.
I'm the first of 5,our last and only boy is just 20years and I respect that he's a man,I cannot hit him with a slippers on the head,its wrong.
wow! two wrongs don't make a right.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that no matter what, a man should try to contain his temper and never hit a woman but the the woman on the other hand shouldn't have hit him with the slippers. is she spanking a kid? I think she pushed him to do this. (double dv from both parties)
I think Mr should go with some of his people to try sort things out with her and her folks. since it has gotten to this level, just let them hear your side of the story and apologise (be you right or wrong). if she wants to come back, fine! if she does'nt oh well...
Southern Fried, u be correct person!!! love ur comment!!
ReplyDeleteJudging from ur own version of the story, ur wife hurt ur ego by hitting u on d head with her slippers,(how downgrading) and u gave her 3 hot slaps, I bet she saw stars... Well 2 wrongs cannot make a right, so I'll advise you to manup and do what any reasonable man would do, bring your wife bck home by any means possible even if it means apologizing for the slaps which I guess must have hurt her so bad coming from the man she loves... Pls beg ur wife n bring her home, kip pride aside
ReplyDeleteYea 3 bright stars.. yea right! God Bless you, God bless aunt stell, God bless Every reasonable visitor, I must mention BL, God bess you ma. This blog is the best. Too many intellect here. Reasonable & Mature comments, Helpful comments. Whao! This meeting is a success,>>Breaks Kola<< Every body take kola..Thank God for DV diary, Thank God for saving homes via DVD, Thank God for Mannie coolfm he suggested this blog to me. Thank God for all the blessings too numerous to mention..Thank God. Hey...I'm alright, its not my fault its God. I'm just happy jawe even tho I behave infantile, I'm a child tho.. A child of God. I choose to be happy, ve acquired a lot via this blog. Everybody is entitled to 5minutes madness a day #Back To the Matter b4 haters explode!
DeleteUr wife's got a very bad mother! No right thinking woman wil encourage her daughter to leave her man over a mere misunderstanding. All d same, swallow ur pride, n gaan make peace with ur wife. Unless ure not telling us d whole truth, cos frm d way u sounded, seems both of u r fed up with d marriage. Seek counselling n keep ur family together! Good luck
ReplyDeleteI might say one thing now, and aunt stell might think its another thing and not post my comment. I'm neither married nor engaged. Just wanna contribute my own quota, it could help u know.
ReplyDeleteSir, if ur narration was sincere, ure safe, BUT!, I repeat "BUT" you shouldn't have retaliated. (Not easy tho) it takes wisdom. You hit her back because you wanted a draw abi? Now she's gone and ure doing bigboy like she doesn't matter...hmmm! Oga swallow ur Pride u need ur wife back. Chaii Igbo men and their Ego.
Take these proverbs
1.A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty, but a fools wrath is heavier than them both...You gave her 3slaps, how far?
2.Wisdom,Love,Understanding builds a Marriage, but foolishness tears it apart. Ok,I wouldn't knw who's the fool here but take an Opportunity to go beg your wife, bring her back and train her allover, if she lacks home training. Opportunity makes a celebrity out of a nonentity..C'mon! Go get her back its an opportunity to amend
So how did u come to d conclusion dat he's an igbo man? Smh
DeleteI wonder o!
DeleteHmmmnnn, I can relate to this story, a similar thing happened between my husband and I. I actually called my mum to plead on my behalf. We were arguing and I slapped him, he slapped me back immediately. My dear mum nearly killed me on the fone and kept calling that night to apologise to my husband. That's what a sane mother should do. Your wife's mum isn't being a good woman by helping her daughter move out over a flimsy excuse. Sir, pls arrange a meeting with your wife and bring her back. Couples argue, but it should be healthy ones. Understand eac other more and move on please.
ReplyDeleteYou've got a GOOD mother! That's what my mom would have done too.
DeleteHi anon. The fact u sent this mail shows u.do care and want ur wife back despite saying u dont. Im a woman and i will say that i think its good u hit ur wife but only for one reason. Becuz her hitting u with slippers showed that she didnt respect u. Maybe u were too nice during the marriage. Us women can be strange in that way. We want our men kind but not wimpish and too soft. She is shocked and hurt which is why she left. To be honest she sounds very very spoilt. Give it a couple of weeks and then call her and go out for dinner. Talk.things out. Do not try to justify ur behaviour or blame her for this. Just lay down communications rules which support u respecting each other. Hitting her was wrong but in this case u had to do it but let it be the last. Neither of u shud place hands on each other again. Make ur marriage work. Do not follow the mother. She is also reacting to what her daughter told her. But swallpw ur pride as a man and go collect ure wife. Just give her time to calm.down. Or u can send an elder to collect her and talk to her family
ReplyDeleteNo one would tell your wife to come back to you.. When she has a disagreement with her mum and her mum tells her that was what you did that your husband sent you packing... When neighbours start taunting her, colleagues will tease her and even the iya alata will reign abuses on her, trust me, she would fly back to you. But her mum sha-- you can live with a bad wife, but a bad in-law, mbanu.
ReplyDelete*rain*
DeleteWhen it comes to marriage, one area I know my mom would NEVER support me is disrespect to my husband and neither would she allow same to my person. Her main concern would be for peace between husband and wife.
ReplyDeleteYour MIL isn't helping her daughter at all. Thank GOD for mothers who look beyond their daughters' childishness and ensure they are on the right track.
no justification for hitting is wife , but there is a justification for using a dirty bathroom slippers to hit her husband , I beg this is the height of disrespect , are you kidding me, putting 50 thounsand dollars into a business tht will benefit the whole family . how is tht a crime , oga she really pushed her button , she burst your bubbles on this one . on top of it your mother inlaw has the effrontery , audacity to curse you out . my advise is if truly she use the bathroom slippers on you and she packed her things with out you asking her to leave , my dear don't beg her. let her go , she will come back and beg .or maybe she was looking for a way to check out before , she knew tht was all you had , and she use the opportunity to create chaos who knows.
ReplyDeleteI like that
DeleteGbam!! U nailed it
I feel ur pain. A similar thing happend btwn my wife and I. We had an argument(flimsy) and she slapped me.I wanted to hold back but was furious and retaliated. She reported herself to her mum dat same night and d mum kept beggin me.I forgave her, We settlled our differences but I still regret my actions till date. I shouldn't have retaliated.slappn her did not make me stong but weak. Guy. Ur wife is ur wife. Forgive her and bring her home. A pastor once said, any man dat cannot forgive his wife is a wicked man. Swallow ur pride and reconcile with her. Going to her will not make u weak but strong. Forget her mum.u did not marry her mum. If u truly love her then u will forgive her. Forget what people will say. At the end, it boils down to two of u. Love,patience and forgiveness are d ingredients to sustain a marriage.
ReplyDeleteAm a female ooo, but I doubt if I wldnt retaliate if I happend to b hit wit bathroom slippers.
ReplyDeleteI always n stil av this notion, n yooba's av this saying that 'NA PATIENCE WE DEY TK BCOM WMAN HUSBAND'
Una neva stat oo, ur marriage is just 2yrs, U AV TO TRY n MAKE IT WORK!
Go back and pik up ur woman, and apologize if u av to, U WANT TO NO Y?
Cos we lik to be pampered, I can bet it that, she is waiting for you to com and pik her, ITS THE WAY WE ARE WIRED!Except u av anoda wman outside.
Lastly lemme live u with dis, BEHINDE EVERY UNSUCCESSFUL MAN, ARE 2 WOMEN.
Peculiar mess. I have always said one thing..back when I hooked up with my man some 13years ago. That you should NEVER marry a man/woman whom you cannot report to his/her family member to scold them for u when they offend u. Marry someone who has respect or fear of atleast one person in his/her household. Otherwise, If you marry such, when things like this happen, it will all seem like hitting a brick wall. This is evident in your mother inlaws position of her daughter's marriage. May God bless my mother, she would never condone such. She would always lash me if I as much as insult my man in her presence, that I should wait for her to go first. And Secondly, this 50k that caused the wahala, if her trip was business related, why didn't the company pay for her trip???? I know a few men who would swear that the day their wife moves out of the house without been chased away, that they'll never allow her enter their house again. I am not asking that u do same, but you must also stand your grounds as a man, don't be passive. With the sort of mother in-law u have, it may happen again n again..are you gonna keep taking their nonsense? Its a curse for a mother to go help her daughter pack her belongings from her home. What rubbish. I do not classify this as DV..am sorry. What is good for the goose is good for the gander!
ReplyDeleteGbam Gbam Gbam
DeleteWow wow wow.......some sensible comments here. First and foremost two wrongs don't make a right! Secondly na wa for your mother inlaw oh. How can her mother help her pack out, on top what?! I trust my mother.....she will never do such. Insult! Just like anon 5:32 said, if the seminar was job related, why didn't her job pay for it? So because hubby didn't give her 50k, she smacked him on the head with slippers? Lol. But if that 50k turns that cafe biz to a 50million Naira empire, will her mother come and help her pack out or will she hit her husband on the head with slippers? Dude, don't apologize kan kan......when she is tired of her mama's house, she will come back home. You are even a nice guy oh! Some men will tell you that once a woman uses her hands to pack her load out of her husband's house, that is the END oh!
ReplyDeleteYes o Gbam
DeleteIts very obvious she would be d first to hit u again in any disargreement. @ olukoya ur rite. If she truely loved u she had no reason to pack away for d first time, den come back to finish up hell no. Plsssss pple if dis man was ur broda how would u feel. Insgort d man ought t ac been d one to leave d house for her. Its so unfair even if its not a bathroom slippers, for GOD's sake dats ur husband not a househelp, even househelp wouldn't be hit with a slippers. Well for d sake of *he didn't evne come and beg* go beg her if she insists on not coming back pls leave her, cus if u force her u'll be vunerable to many things. She wuld ride u to high heavens.....and by d way watch her carefully she's obviously aving an affair. Somehow u'll say someone said so.
ReplyDeleteBros! Bros!.Give ur wife 2wks ultimatum make she return if she no gree abeg u b african man, marry anoda woman na dat time her eye go open. Bros if she fit hit u wit bathroom slippers naw shey she no go break ya head wit bottle for future. Bros again the best option na to dissolve diz marriage nd marry a beta woman
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteAm a woman o o o!! Nd even plannin to leave my husband bcos of d.v.bt for wot ur wife did??mba!mba nu!! Dont col her bak!wot rubish!!.....yinkus
ReplyDeleteBros if what u said is right. I blame her. if the company she work's in decides to send her out of base for seminar. For goodness sake the coy should bear the cost and if they dont she shouldnt destroy her home over flight money if the husband cant afford it. Me think she is not ready for marriage o and her mom is not been fair to her. Also if she was the ist to strike sorry she shd be the one asking for forgiveness. Bros dont beg her. Dont even call she will come to her senses soon. And if she doesnot waka bc her eyes and her mama own de for where dangote de
ReplyDeleteHmmmm I applaud most comments here,its not d man's fault at all,and am sure he's a good man,that's y d wife had effrontery to hit his head wiv a slippers. Try dat wiv an abuser he wud deface n dehumanise u!!! Pls oga,cos of God u cud jes go wiv an elder to her mother's house to bring her back home,if she no hear leave am dere make she rust,nonsense,some women are so brash n rude!!! As for d moda she's nt worthy to be called a mother wallahi.
ReplyDeleteIf your side of the story is true may I also ask you : 1. Have you ever beaten her before 2. Do you constantly starve her financially, and 3. Do you still love her. Your answers will give you am idea of the solution. If the answers to your first 2 are negative, then try and take some steps to win her back...you could start with texts or bbs, then try and see her without her mother ...find a neutral place, if you have a pastor ask him to call her (in case she ignores your calls) and ask the pastor to assist you. If she is God fearing she she will come for the meeting and at that meeting please don't try and flex muscles....this is not the time for that, just appeal to her emotions tell her consistently that u love her and try and be more open about finances, maybe she doesn't know, and she assumes that you are bouuant. If you love her go for her. And if per adventure yr answers to 1&2 are yes....(search yourself and be true to thyself) then maybe this is the wake up call you need to put thgs right. That you are seeking for help on your own is truly a wonderful sign and it is commendable.
ReplyDeleteGbam Gbam to d 10th power
DeleteHey Mr Anon, I know you care for your wife. I have always wondered why a man would hit his wife or any other lady, I tell people that most times we women are the cause cuz we take men gentility to be weakness and capitalize on it to act out.
ReplyDeleteTo your mother in-law: God! is she for real? A woman who is old enof to have a married child should be old enough to know that there are two sides to a story ( i know ,yes she loves and trust her dauta) but no matter how truthful we are sometimes we tell stories to make us look like saints.
I'm an Ibo lady ( married with 3 kids) and in my place its very very demeaning to as much as point your finger to your spouse's ( both for the lady and the man) face talk more of hitting.
So Mr Anon. I Know you do care, try and bring her back, beg her ( but dont go begging like a child). She may not repeat that again cuz she has tested you. Two year is too young a marriage to start having problems, and it also means you guys are young at heart and still head over heels in love. Guess its was the excess love acting out, cheer up sir and
I felt so bad after reading this story. So so bad. Pls sir, if what you just narrated is the truth then i have one question for your wife. 'Madam Biko itara akwu ka obu ka eze gi di? Is that the way you were brought up? Then I have another question for you sir. What have you done or rather where have you gone wrong in this relationship that u don't command a single respect from your wife? Biko check yourself very well and retrace your steps. Every married readers of this blog even Stella will bear me witness that marriage is all about respect. Our husbands are suckers for respect. Once you can respect him
ReplyDeleteOnce you respect him and can compromise/submit you have win him for life. You can remote control him. To make it short, please sir,since she is the one that left the house let her be. If her father is still alive go to her father and explain what happened. If not look for a good male member of her family, any one of them that was present when you came to marry her and let him know what happened. Believe you me no resonable person will support her action. Don't go to her mother because some women reason with their nose. Also let your parents and siblings know what happened. Don't keep quiet, open your mouth and say what you have been living with. Gather supporters which I believe will talk sense into her. But PLEASE don't beg her let her be the one that will come crawling and apologizing and promise that it will never happen again. Be a man, this is the time you need your ego. You have been a weakling for long and it's not helping. At the end of it all, take her back. Everybody deserves a second chance.
ReplyDeleteTo deviate a bit. I followed every post on domestic violence diary. I also narrated a story of a female family friend whose husband pummeld on their way back to his home town after their traditional marriage.Am not in support of domestic violence, but sometimes we women are the cause of our problems. See it in this form, if two female friends are living in the same house and they have a problem if one of them slaps the other, it is natural that the other one will slap or fight back isn't it? There must be fart before shit. This is the same as living with your husband or partner under one roof. You don't expect miracle when you DARE him or look him in the eye ball and tell him to do his worse. Naturally he will do his worse. Men hate challenges especially when it is coming from their wives.They are born with ego so we must respect that.
ReplyDeleteKenee gbam . true talk . .my husband has nevered lay his finger on me before of course we disagree most times . he walks a way to avoid more trouble . but the day I will use bathroom slippers and smack his head .in fact fear no go let me with all the muscles way he accumulate from gym . if I dey run my mouth dey see d muscles I beg Na constant reminder to shut up .he is my best friend . my world ;hero love you honey .I beg ladies we should all try as much as we can to respect our husband is very important .
DeleteThey are born with ego so we must respect that. Now how do we curb Domestic violence. In my humble opinion; this is where parents come into play. If you are blessed with a child or children please teach him/her the ways of the lord. Inculcate respect, fear of the lord, love, humility...as early as you can can. Let them grow with it. Be also a good example for them despite the fact that a Latin adage says 'memo dat quod non habet' meaning no one gives what he has not. If you re well behaved there is greater chance that you will raise well behaved kids. Children learn from imitation and let's not forget that home is the first school children pass through.
ReplyDeleteIf he isn't bothered,he wuldnt av brot his story here 2 rid comments....so I say dis,4get abt ur pride,yes!she did d wrong tin n went further in her wrongs,u were also wrong too but ur a man n I undastand u feel hurt n disrespected,I also undastand dat she feels u myt becum a wife batterer considering d fair amount of domestic violence perpetrated by husband on dia wives we av bin witnessing daily.....its obvious u stil luv her n wuld wanna work tins out but ur ego aint letting u, go 2 her,4get her mother cos dat so called mother must be a witch n possessed equally,ur dealing wit ur wyf,go 2 ur wyf n if necessary go wit a few friends or relatives,wat eva d case mayb....wen ur wyf comes back 2 u,sit her down,hold her,a woman will alwaz b a woman,tell her hw much u luv her,talk 2 her abt her temper,u wil see hw regretful she wil b abt all dat happened,she wil beg 4 ur 4gvness also...if she doesn't n remains thickheaded,den we can now knw dat she is truly a rogue but do all dese 1st and see ur marriage bounce back up...all d best dear! I av a wife whose temper is hotter dan fire but av studied her n found ways 2 make peace reign n believe u me,her temper has cooled down...its just undastandin n prayers, I found out dat wen I started avin morning n evnin devotions wit her(just a quick short prayer 4 us,4 her,4 our family n odas),truout d day,she wuld b careful wit her words n actions cos she wuldnt wanna go against our prayers....u shuld truly av a talk wit ur wife,let's 4get all dat happened,marriage aint a bed of roses...2 wrongs cnt make a ryt,I believe she is pinning day n nyt 4 u too...come on! Go get ur wife back!
ReplyDeleteAll, nah shakara! She go come back to beg! Leave she and her mother alone!
ReplyDeleteShe hit you first! Abi because the society supports the women when it comes to DV then she can hit you?
I hope when some man slaps you silly, your mother will tell you to go back and receive more slaps because its a mere misunderstanding. Ode.
ReplyDeleteIn addition to what others have said, I suggest you leave her alone for sometime to clear your head. Like Kenee said, get a male figure she respects so much in her family to wade into the matter.
ReplyDeleteSir if your narration is true, nobody will support her action if they get to hear it. What she did is very belittling to your person as a man and husband. Nobody likes to be disrespected; even animals are treated with respect, how much more humans.
I can tell you love her and has been gentle with her hence her effrontery to do such. I've got this weird suggestion.
Go get her at her mother's place when the woman isn't at home. Tell her you would like to take her out/hand out with her; you have to sound convincing for her to give in. Take her home; lock up the house with you both inside and iron out your differences and issues there.
You'll have to make sure that day is a free day for you. Let her know her mom has lived her life and the woman won't always be there to defend her. So she better start holding her own right from now. Mummy has lived her life; it's time she lived hers!
Btw, I hear make up intimacy is mind blowing!
Firstly, i,m a man who has never and will never hit a woman. Even while I was growing up I never hit any of my sisters no matter the provocation. Im however appalled by some of the hypocrisy from fellow commenters even Stella. There seems to be this feeling that its okay for a woman to hit a man? So many women abuse their men verbally and physically and it seems okay until the man retaliates then all hell breaks loose and you hear comments like 'he should never have hit her after all he's a man' yet women demand equality. not everyone can be Christ-like and turn the other cheek.
ReplyDeleteThat notwithstanding, I condemn any form of violence whether domestic or what and will always be in the forefront of pushing against it. Issues can always and should always be settled with dialogue
A yoruba adage goes thus'iyawo buruku se ni,anoo buruku ni o se ni(it payz off to hv a bad wife,buh itz difficult to cope wif a bad mother-in-law)Dt ur mother-in-law isn't a MOTHER,so to speak,u bore a child for nine monthz n took care of her isn't all dt pointz to u as a mother,it takez more than that!Ma own advice is this,d bible sayz,d heart of d king is in d handz of God!So table ur matter to God,asking him to soften d heart of ur mother-in-law 1st,then ur wifez,coz dt woman wld ruin dt childz life!N lastly,neva in ur life lay ur handz oon a woman,u stormed out after slappin her,u cld hv stormedout b4 hand(itznt easy)buh u gave d devil d chance to seize dt tiny minute to ruin ur home!Ma prayer is for ur marital storm shld seize IJN!H.L
ReplyDeletePlsssss didn't u ppl read dis post properly or I drink alomo bitters *in sdk's voice*........the mannerless wife had d audacity to hit her hubby on the head with a bathroom slippers!!! What a nerve! Just bcos he couldn't afford 2 give her 50k 4 flight! What happened to understanding if everything he posted is true, what insolence! What an insult! She's so lucky..........pull that stunt with a man like my hubby and as they say "the rest is history" phew!!! Well, my candid advice as a woman is pls don't go begging her or her mom cos if u do that, then, u aint seen nothing yet! Pray to God 2 intervene and open the eyes of ur wife to see that her mother is only deceiving her and d path she walks leads to destruction and lastly be the man u ought to be so ur wife neva disrespects u in such a manner. Finally DON'T ever allow ur arguements degenerate 2 d point were u hit her pls.
ReplyDeleteOh my Gbam toh badh
Delete=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º=)) dis gbam gbam person I hail ooooo I gbadun u dieeee =))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º=))
DeleteI know you miss ur wife but don't make further mistakes.her mom is as bad as her daughter but I wonder why she will let her mom ruin her marriage when she(her mom) is in her own husbands house
ReplyDeleteDo not go begging her so soon,you never know what's up with her,let her learn one or two lessons of life but if she doesn't change,then I have to question the motive of ur union,and if she return Please Don't hit her,just leave the house for,don't eat from her when next she hits you,
Am so sorry but you gotta be strong
And folks this not about pride its about a union that can stand the taste of time
Love alone is not enough
Read thru all comment. I appreciate majority of d contributns but i admit dat some of dem r not practicable! Hw can u tell a man,if d story is true, to go and beg such a woman dats not sober yet? She'l always expect dat n refuse to work on her excesses as a wife, simple! I strongly align wit d person who suggested he shld look for a male relative of wife and explain what happened to him. So he can call d wife n her mum to order n allow reconciliatn. I do not support d idea of him telling his own relatives cos dey wil neva forgive d wife even if dey reconcile.it is simply human! Bimpe
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Bimpe; somethings are better hidden from in laws because if they get to know, they would use it against the person in future.
DeleteIt is said dat it takes two to tango. N Yoruba adage says 'if fyters r not tired of fyting, u'l find it extremely difficult to reconcile dem'. It shws dat d husb is tired of d fyt, can we be sure of d same situatn for d wife? So d man shld bring an intermediary (her male mature relative)to find dat out n caution her so d 'mistake' wont be repeated again. It wont bring any peace if d man forces himself on her again all in d name of being 'd matured' btw dem two wen she's not even sober of her excesses on her husb. Bimpe
ReplyDeleteIts totally unacceptable that your wife would hit your head with a bathroom slippers? She's really crazy. And her stupid mother supports her daughters action?? You are not even allowed traditionally to hit your child with slippers, not to talk of your husband? Please don't mind all these hollywood wives, that are living in LaLa land(make believe) We are Africans and we should respect ourselves, period. You must not go and beg her. Obviously, for her mother to support such nonsense thats what she does too. Men, before you marry, always look at your future mother in law, because you would be seeing your future wife in her! I respect my husband and my husband respects me. Rather than go physical, i give the silent treatment. It works and we usually make up. I really can't stand women that curse out their husbands and get physical. When you have children, thats the first trait they would pick. All these you have no right, etc is from hollywood. Some womens mouth are too curs tic. Respect is reciprocal. Your wife would come to her senses soon, you watch. She and her bad mother would soon start fighting soon. You just stay calm
ReplyDelete@ Collins, you are very right. Some women are not ripe for marriage.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for all your thoughtful comments and selfless advise. God bless you for caring.
ReplyDeleteTo set the records straight, I have never raised my hand against her, nor starved her of money. Whatever I have, i gladly share with her. My parents are still together after more than 50 years of marriage. I see the love, the happiness between them and I wanted it too. So I was determined to do everything within my power to make my marriage work. Even when I discovered she has anger management problem, I just took it in my stride and found ways to cope and help her handle it.
But coming back to the present, ever since we had this fight and she packed out, I've tried so hard to see her but no way. She refused to pick my calls, would not listen to my friends. i went to her office at Yaba, she refused to see me and even instructed the security guards to walk me out. I went to her Mum's place, big mistake. The whole neighbourhood turned out to witness my humiliation that day. As things stand now, I shamefully had to inform my parents and other members of my family.(I didn't want to burden them with my marital problems. If am old enough to marry, then I should be old enough to handle my marital issues abi).
On saturday June 15, we will go to my MIL's place at Gbagada. I just hope we settle this matter then because that is going to be my final effort.
But let me ask you a question Stella. What kind of woman would pack out a dish rack from the kitchen? Does she even intend to come back at all?
Hmmmmmm na wah oooooo I am so sad at what dis woman ur wife is doing. Se possession ni kape leyi bayii abi kini kati pe?is she possessed or what?*soliloquising* y are some women like dis? I cnt fathom it o. Why do most good men end up wiv women like dis? I really commend u sir,pls I know its nt easy but just do ur part to the last so u wud ve no blame in the court of karma. Some women are just a disaster to themselves,hitting ur husband wiv a slippers just signifies b4 God that u ve hit d crown on ur head wiv slippers n d spiritual implication is what she has started exhibiting, its as good as dat. I dnt wanna judge her but sir permit me to call her a FOOL of the highest order. Am sure some pple are deceiving her out there,and she wud regret it if she allows another woman that knows d worth of a GOOD MAN grabs u.*God forbid* Pls dnt be disheartened jes do ur best n leave d rest to GOD. It is well I pray everything settles between u guys. Mschewwww na wa for some women oooo!!!
DeleteYou are not serious jare. I say don't beg her. She is crazy. Ok, when she stabs you one day you would know. You would meet a very nice girl, who would respect you. Leave her
ReplyDeleteAs much as it hurts to know, sir,I must tell you that your wife would do worse things, sincerely,its possible she's seeing someone else or someone else is on the radar, the person seems more buoyant than you are, I might as well infer that her mum knows there is someone else, she might as well be the engineer of her seeing someone else, painfully, these days, some mothers don't seek for a good husband for their daughters, all they want is a rich man so the riches can overflow to their side, my brother, I might be wrong though, but for her to have asked the guard to throw you out of her office and the mother did the same by humiliating you, its a well planned arrangement that they must have talked about, you don't need to go to your MIL place again, if your people go there and she comes back home, very good, if not, burst her side piecesly, I bet it might be a little hard cause it's obvious you still want her, I don't think you would be able to withstand a repetition cause there is the huge likelihood of she doing it again since she doesn't see that she's wrong and moreover you had to bring your folks to beg..its worth giving a shot again provided you both realize that you were both wrong in your actions
ReplyDeleteAnd if the guy finds another woman now.........they will curse the woman out and call her husband snatcher! Mr man please don't beg her. She walked you out of her job and the mama embarrassed you?!!! And you are planning to go back there again? Ahn ahn you are a good man. Father lord, I am not asking for mr perfect but please send me a good and caring man like this broda oh. Olori o ni fila........ Abi what's that Yoruba saying again?
ReplyDeleteIs dis is a very say story here,we hear of domestic violence every day concerning a male hitting a female,i think in my opinion we should be able to address domestic violent against men too especially if their female counterpart know that d man they are dealing with will not raise his hands on them,back to d the topic,it saddens my heart to read about stories like dis cos it takes a lot to keep a family together and if u are trying every thing within ur power to make sure u have a happy family and ur wife want otherwise then it doesnt worth d stress of been humiliated in front of neighbors and co,try the last solution and if it doesnt work then leave everything in d hands og God cos u have tried things to make it work and prove abortive,may God be with u as u go thru dis ordeal,God bless
ReplyDeleteu need wisdom to live with ur woman since she's hot tempered.i bet she'll learn as time goes on.The longer a woman(that is teacheable)stays in a marriage,the better she is.it was wrong for her to have hit u,but i'm sure she wont try that again since u gave her back.i had the same experience in my marriage 5 yrs ago,i never tried that with my huzzy again! Try and approach ur wife's family with some of ur family members so that the issues on ground can be resolved.U guys should be more patient with each other and be prayerful,these are the keys to having an enviable marriage.May God intervene and let peace reign in ur home in jesus' name.
ReplyDelete"NOTHING". THATS SOMETHING WE HAVE TO GET USED TO. STRIVE FOR ESSENCE AND INFLUENCE RATHER THAN AFFLUENCE AND MATERIAL. WITH NOTHING WE CAME AND WITH NOTHING, WE SHALL LEAVE.
ReplyDeletewww.mentalclitstimulation.blogspot.com