Hmmmmm.....
21 AND READY TO MARRY....
Good day BVs, I and my husband are at a cross road regarding our daughter who just entered the university.
She recently clocked 21 and is talking marriage with her boyfriend who just finished his degree, my dear daughter thinks she’s old enough to marry. But we’re objecting on the grounds that she’s too young, inexperienced and with no tangible money of her own.
We are ready to sponsor her education even up to masters level instead or even help set her up in business after school or she gets a job but she would have none of it.
We want to refuse to support her wedding expenses till she’s 25, because in our tribe we’re to buy her household stuff like beddings, plates, cooking utensils etc. Is it so crazy to give your child the ultimatum that, indeed, she should marry at 25, and we, as her parents, will not pay for anything until she is 25.
Isn’t she entirely too young?
We’ve asked her, are you going to abandon your education for a wedding for which you’re not equipped, will you get married and we would still be paying your school fees as a married woman? Do you have money to pay for it? Rather than give an answer, she’s reaching out to extended family, family friends, and our church for support. I don’t have where we got it all wrong......
21 is an adult and if she wants to marry she has a right to marry......let her do what her heart wants.....If you want to support her to make it easy, you can do so but to give her such wicked conditions is no fair and you may lose her as a daughter...... Have you found out if she is pregnant and hiding it until she marries? talk to your daughter!!!!
21 is an adult so if you advice her and she no listen don’t force her, just pray and wish her well
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Poster if she insists you allow her to run the both.I mean marriage and education. Marriage is not a curse but a blessing, you never can tell where the open doors lie. Let her do private wedding and save the rest for her education.
ReplyDeleteHer man I doubt if he can wait till she is 25.
You think it’s easy to run marriage and education concurrently. She is too young in my opinion
Delete21 might be an ädult""but what of the mind? Is it mature enough? What of her finances, can she stand alone well? What of her spiritual maturity, can she face the mystery of life well on her own?Marriage is a journey and life-long commitment that requires more than the "heart. At 21 years, a lot of adults are only physically mature. There is need for wisdom and guidance in some decisions especially marriage.
DeleteVery difficult situations nobody knows tomorrow so pls pray and see counsels from others
ReplyDeleteDo you like the guy for her
ReplyDeleteIt seems like he too is not self sufficient if they are looking outside for support for the wedding
Allow her for now to do what's in her mind or else she may run away..
ReplyDeleteJust support them,she will definitely come back to her senses and return, don't threaten her, just leave education matter for now ..so u won't waste Ur money ..
She may be pregnant but apart from that I don't support women getting married without any form of financial stand otherwise when the wind blows hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
She may be pregnant but apart from that I don't support women getting married without any form of financial stand otherwise when the wind blows hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe Most Complex B
Lmaooooo. Better give her your blessing or she will run away. Las las pray she does not come to regret her decision later.
ReplyDeleteStella A 21 years old is Young Mentally, Spiritually and most Importantly Financially.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, at 21 our Children " Assume" they are Adult.
You and Your Husband can Come to a Compromise with her/ her Boyfriend, Let them Date until she graduates. If they Break up before then Fine and Good , Let her not derail her Future as a Young girl, Even if she is Pregnant, it is better she is a Young Single mother than A Young divorced lady.
I am Suprised that a 21 in this Genz time wants to be tied down in Marriage.
My 21 years old Daughter told us a 30 something Nigeria Man was asking her out, Mehnnn i dusted out my Passport and went to Reset her In Canada .
Madam please This Marriage talk i dont Support. She Is not even Equipped Academically or otherwise. Does she want to be Dependent all her Life??
From Daddy's House to Husband's House???
Thank you for this comment 👍
DeleteYou nailed it Marie...I don't support it....
DeleteGood comment.
DeleteBut resetting her in Canada, has that solved all the problems???
Very good comment.
DeleteThanks Marie. See almost everyone saying give her your blessings. Please invite the guy and talk sense into him too. He hasn't even served and no work experience. Please, do not support it.
DeleteThanks Guys.
DeleteAnon 16:45... Yes oooh. I actually didnt mean Resetting in a Violent way.
We Spoke about the Age Difference ,The Reason 4 her been in Canada.
The Short/Long Term Consequences of her Actions.
So Yesssss, I reset her Action and Yes it has Solved this Particular Problem.
Gbam! She may legally considered as an adult but she is too young. Pls talk to her-if they can date until she’s done with school. Even if she is pregnant-no wahala. Marriage no be beans oh.
DeleteAptly written
DeleteNot ready to marry and dating, is it? Let them continue to date and not marry, is it? Dating Doug what? Fucking? Is that what you are promoting over marr8? And you are talking about spirituality.
DeleteThank you for this comment
DeleteBro,
DeleteI remember how I thought I had sense at 21. I am 36 years old now and still no sense 🤣😅.
Poster, abeg no gree. Face the guy and tell him he doesn't have your blessings and if he loved her, he should encourage her to finish her education. Hopefully time sorts them out.
Ndo
They should be dating and fornicating pending when they will be due for proper marriage right? Then when she commits one or two abortion along the line and damage her womb (God forbid) you will say you have given her a good advice.
DeleteWell said Marie. This here is the best comment!
DeletePlease discuss with the so called husband to be, and reach a compromise. She is just a lady in love.
I had the same experience - I remember how my husband wanted to marry me in a haste and I fell for it. Good thing was that I was done with school and had started working (financially), but I wasn’t ready for marriage mentally and physically. It took an impact in my life- dealt with mental health issues (from nuclear and extended family burnout), to the point of losing my job. Still in the process of job hunting, and staying in the so called loveless marriage.
Gbam! You nailed it Marie. She should focus on her studies at this point.
DeletePoster please don't use threats or intimidation. At 21,she's not a graduate or working. Educate her about the dangers of marrying,without financial stability. She will continue to be a burden to herself and family.
ReplyDeleteNo she's not too young but that conversation about their finances is super important but I think you should turn to the groom in question if you're not making headways with her. But whatever happens please make sure you see her through school right to the very top. Her value in marriage is very important. Just like Stella suggested I think she's pregnant too.
ReplyDeleteYou need to connect with your daughter with a very calm and loving approach. That way you can convince her to change her mind, otherwise she may regret the decision.
ReplyDeleteIf the man cannot wait for her to at least get to fourth year there’s a problem
ReplyDeleteIf she can defy her parents and not listen there’s a problem
Don’t allow her do what she wants
I married at 21 has my children my parents were against it I was stubborn looking back now I wish they stamped their feet down
Others have married at 21 and have an awesome marriage
If you are this worried let her hold on while you pray more
Whatever her father says stands
Your story sounds like I know you, the childhood friend I mentioned down the comment section. Or maybe you are just another person with a similar experience.
DeleteGod abeg o, she wants to tangle herself in the journey of marriage at this young age? What does she even know about marriage? What kind of child do you raise that doesn't listen to you or her dad? Please prevent this marriage from happening these genzee children God have mercy.
ReplyDeletePlease let her know she still has a beautiful life ahead of her , she should graduate, get a good job explore the world have a lot of experience in relationship, social, and life as a whole. For God's sake why is here body shaking to tye her life and destiny with a man at this young age? Is like man never show her shege banza before,I hope she doesn't end up a baby mama or dovorcee at a young age.
Exactly. She’s too young and isn’t financially independent.
DeleteDear Neat Cut and Design May We not Find OR be put in a Position where our Children will Say, take or Do some certain things that will make People Question our Parental Capabilities...
DeleteThis is in response to your " What kind of Child do you Raise that doesnt Listen to You or Daddy
This is more about the man she wants to marry than about her age. It looks like he’s a struggling man with the way poster talked about paying for her daughter’s school fees etc. I bet poster that if this man was a rich man, she wouldn’t object or worry about school fees and what not. Your fears are valid though but I no get advice for you.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, even if he isnt a millionaire himself, if he was the son of a senator, or minister, or one well known business mogul, we won’t be reading this chronicle now, the chronicle is more about the young man being from a poor home and also struggling than about her daughter’s age.
DeleteFinances is very important in marriage.
DeleteWell damn! Would you want your daughter to be married and still coming with her husband to beg you rice and garri?
DeleteWhat manner of irresponsible gold digging will want to marry a girl in Year 1 without being able to support himself, the girl and kids when they start coming?
Good Financial Strength( Stability) is Awesome
DeleteGeneration are not Mentally Strong, Spiritually Grounded and Morally Upright.
So I Personally will not Allow my 21 Years old get Married Regardless of The Man and his Family Status.
So you believe people screaming that a girl should have educational, financial and career security before marriage is only if the supposed husband were poor or jobless? You believe we’d toss our daughters at you at any stage of their development so long as you are rich? What kind of mentality is this?
DeleteThis Generation are not
DeleteMs Saphire, yes people have been throwing their kids to men because of money while neglecting everything else including how he even got the money.
DeleteHer age is not young for marriage rather say that she has nothing to bring to the table financially.
ReplyDeleteThere are successful ladies at that age.
How many? List a few examples that aren't artistes
DeleteHow many Do You know??
DeleteAllow her to marry. It's a thing of choice. If she makes the wrong choice now, she will learn from her mistakes so long as those mistakes won't cost her life. Afterall, the marriage is not a death sentence, if she feels the need for it please let her have her way. She will hate you more if she clocks 30 and no husband of her choice is forth coming . Know for sure that she can still further her education even after child bearing age. Just tell her to investigate well to be sure the man is not a criminal .
ReplyDeleteSlim the World is already tough for Single Graduate in this part of the World.
DeleteImagine a 21years old, no degree, no Skills, Dependent married Mother( Assuming she is Pregnant Youngster.. DISASTER!!!
Madam Poster there are some Mistakes Your Child should Never, Ever Experience.
This Wrong Choice will Figuratively and Literally maim her.
Dear Poster, Please do all you can and don't allow her get married at this young age of 21...Yes she is an adult but not mature enough to understand certain things.......
ReplyDeleteEven if she is pregnant, let her know that she is not obliged to marry him just because she got pregnant for him...That is a dangerous reason; let her know that you can take care of her and her baby without the guy....She needs financial standing as an individual in marriage....
I believe it is her boyfriend that is cajoling her to marry him knowing she comes from a well to do background and she is naive....He has not even found his own feet since he is a recent graduate...This is not the 60s or 70s....
Let her know the importance of being useful to herself by doing a business or working to get a financial standing after schooling and why marriage without finance is dead on arrival...Building herself to become the woman she wants....
Marriage is deeper than she thinks and she needs to be matured mentally, spiritually and psychologically...Sit your daughter and the young man down with some respected people present with a voice of reason and talk some home hard truth to her....
If she is pregnant, please don't condemn her or chastised her or use it as a means for her to get married...accept it but she needs to wait at least 25 years before she gets married...
Wishing you wisdom and courage to firm and navigate this dicey situation....
All the best
Thank You Darling.
DeleteI am Surprised that people are asking The Poster to allow her make the Mistake of getting Married at 21.
This Genz Generation that are not Patient at all.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWoman, if she persist, sit her down and have a talk with her.
ReplyDeleteAsk her the reason for the rush and that she should know that marriage is no child's play and it's a different ball game from boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
Ask her if she wants to forfeit her education for marriage?
Well, if it were to be me, I will make it clear to her that once she gets married she should have it in mind that she's a married woman and I won't be involved with her education no more.
Thank You!!!
DeletePls, she don't have enthink to been to the table o she will become house help in her hub. House. That is what my sister is going ture now.
ReplyDeleteLoud it.
DeleteGod Forbid Evils
Stand your ground. What's the difference between 19 and 21? What experience does she have aside the love that is 'chaking' her now? If the dude can't wait a few years then he's NOT deserving of her.
ReplyDeleteOn a personal note, I've seen this play out more than once, even at the family level: one of my relatives insisted at 22 and got her way, today they're seperated and in court. Another dated, the husband was patient, they finally got hitched and still going strong even after a situation that may have stressed others.
This doesn't mean it's directly applicable but, no matter how you look at it, she's too young, too inexperienced, too impressionable for marriage.
Thank You.
DeleteWhat indeed is the Difference between 19 and 21.
This are Children
💯 you nailed it.
DeletePoster, your fears are valid. Handle this with wisdom not force.
ReplyDeleteHow old is the man in question?
ReplyDeleteNo girl these days want to marry at 21, unless they’re being pressured to or they want to lock down a man out of fear of losing him.
Something is very wrong somewhere. I suggest you dig very deeply and uncover the real reason for her hastiness. This is not a good thing at all.
Poster, 21 is not too young. Meanwhile, have you tried to know the personality of the young man? Have a conversation with the both of them. Also, discuss with the parents of the young man. Since both of them are young adults, they need objective counseling. Whatever you do , handle it with care. A distant cousin had a similar case, her parents vehemently refused and told her to focus on her studies. The young man moved on after sometime. The lady is about 50, never been married, no child. Yes, there were other relationships when she was "old enough" but none worked. Prayerfully guide your daughter and provide any needed support.
ReplyDeletePrayerful Guide Your Child.
DeleteYes Please.
Allow her marry whether good or bad she will learn her lesson. As per education that's her husband responsibilities now.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't state what the guy is doing for sustenance.
ReplyDeleteIs he from a rich home? An only son?
You should have a conversation with the boy together with your husband to understand why he wants to drag your daughter into marriage so early without solid foundation for her life.
Marrying early is a blessing but not now especially financially handicapped. Speak with her as a mother.Dont threaten her . Let her understand the implications and give her your blessings if she insists. May God help her to make the right decision.
Pray over it too. Do midnight prayers for God to scatter it if it's not his will.
Where Is She Rushing Too,
ReplyDeleteShe's Too Young For This Please
The Man Has Equip Himself while She Has Not ,
Abeg Abeg oooo, Let Her Calm Down oooooo...To Avoid Had I Know..
May Almighty God Be With You..
Hello iya Boys
Leave her make she go learn her lesson but u won’t be a married woman sha and be expecting ur parents to still be paying for ur education
ReplyDeleteMaybe she thinks marriage is like dating.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you sit her down and ask her WHY she wants to get married now. Even if she’s pregnant, she can have the baby and go to school while you care for the baby, with the full involvement of the boyfriend.
This is the time to show her more love and encouragement not castigating her.
You can let her see a young counsellor or therapist, closer to her age than yours. Most importantly, pray for her more because this decision can make or ruin her.
However, if she insists, I suggest you call the young man and ask him what his plans are. Have an agreement with him for your child to be educated even if you will sponsor the education.
No matter what, do not cast her away. Reiterate to her your love for her over and over again.
Let her keep trusting you.
We all know she isn’t wise but believes she is and thinks she knows what she’s doing. Let her not pay for this mistake (which I believe she’s making) for the rest of her life.
Your child is your child o.
I know a girl who will be 19 this year and she is getting married to a 31 year man. She is so happy and her family is happy for her. She is currently pursuing a diploma in HRM. She will be on distance once she marries as the man lives in another province. I am scared for her but the wedding is set for August. If it was my daughter, l'd allow such a thing. The man is so insecure, every little she has to report. Immediately we knock off from class, she has to sharply report or else. Another thing, her hair was not done, so she wore this cap, the man asked if another man had given her it became an issue. She explained that she got from her dad but eeeeh- it was a protracted argument.
ReplyDeleteGod forbid bad thing
DeletePoor child. By the time she realises she can’t indulge his insecurities anymore… I pray she has the courage to leave without much to tie her down.
DeleteThe man is questionable...we have some men who are looking for young girls to manipulate...the age gap is too much abeg...
DeleteLet her get married, whatever her eyes see there is her cup of tea, though I pray for her marriage to be heaven on earth, what if you refuse and it becomes difficult for her to get married in the future, because I've seen a lot of this case.
ReplyDeleteI strongly stand with you. 21 is way way too young. She needs to establish herself, because she kids come, it would definitely derail her education. Please give her reason with love on why she should put marriage on hold. Talk to her boyfriend too. If you're not meeting any head way, then I think external counselling is the best. All the best to you
ReplyDeleteChi! Unfortunately, she is at that precarious stage where she can never reason with anyone telling her anything contrary to what she is resolved to do. I had a childhood friend that put her parents through this when we were just 22. When the parents realised how adamant she was, they allowed her. She is actually very happy in her marriage but she never reached the potentials her parents intended for her and all her younger ones are far more successful than she is even though she doesn’t care.
ReplyDeleteWhat will you do naw? You both can only do your best and leave the rest. She is your child but she will reap the fruits of her choices. Keep praying for her. Just keep your money and plan your retirement well .
Poster, since your daughter is bent on getting married, allow her be.
ReplyDeleteAfter marriage, her husband will be financially responsible for her .
I just hope shed doesn't regret it
1. Send this link to your daughter so she can read comments.
ReplyDelete2. Have a talk with this young man about the plan.
3.will she continue with her school?
4. How does the young man plan to take vare of her?
5.what are his parents saying?
6. Why does she want to marry. Its good to know why thwy want to marry. In love is not enough. So pls tjey love eacj other is just by the way.
7. Do they know the purpose of marriage?
Yes poster send her this link
DeletePlease young lady listen to your and ask your bf to give u a few years
I pray that God give you guys the wisdom to handle this very well cuz things can go south real quick
ReplyDeletePlease don't intimidate or threaten her, give her good reasons why this is not a good idea and pray about it.
I think the guy is putting pressure on her or may be the sex is confusing her, i remember this guy i dated that pressured me to get married when i was 2nd year, he finally went to see my folks, my mom woke me in the middle and talked to me and i am glad i called it off
My sister said my mum kept praying against it🤣🤣🤣
Madam pray o and discuss everything from finances to sex or whatever you feel the attraction is
Poster, please channel the parent/mother right over her by first consulting God on your own to know if that's His plan for her and if not control this situation with prayer, ask God to pull her over from that path. I wasn't even expecting you to argue with her cause that's what I would as a mother if such occur.
ReplyDeleteI have seen this play out among young Muslim students and I can tell you the ladies involved tend not to live fully afterwards.
The guy will tell her the reason for the marriage is to avoid fornication that is if they are not pregnant. Life and marriage is not just about sex.
Mama take charge of your daughter heart, you and her dad should tell her you've heard her, run to God in prayers. How well do you know the guy? cause I believe a reasonable guy won't put her against you, trust me he's training her.
The second option I have is the brutal one but seek God face first.
Felicity.
Hmmmmm! Have you talked to your your son in-law to be Abt this,at least let her be in final year na,why dey rush?
ReplyDeletePoster,
ReplyDeleteCould it be that there are older women around her who are still unmarried? I'm trying to understand what influenced or reprogrammed her mindset. Have you had a conversation with the guy yet, to understand the rationale behind this urgency? And if you place these two young adults side by side, who supports whom more financially? Could the potential husband be emotionally manipulative?
That your daughter is legally an adult, does not excuse the understanding that emotionally, financially, and mentally, she’s still a child in the world of marriage. Love may feel like a roaring fire now, but real-life responsibilities can turn it into a flickering candle - even financially prepared adults still find marriage a school of endless life lessons.
Had the guy in the picture had a meaningful business or job, I might have excused her warring desire. But marriage isn’t just about feelings; it’s about stability, independence, and readiness. If she can’t fund a wedding, pay her fees, or support herself, how will she handle the long haul - the adequacies financial constraint enables in marriage?
Your position as parents isn’t about control but protection. She may see resistance as oppression, but wisdom often looks like a restriction to the inexperienced and naive. Sit with her - not as parents dictating but as guides unveiling reality. If she’s pregnant, don’t push her into a rushed marriage; that’s a bandage, not a solution. Let her understand that a strong foundation now will minimise cracks later. A little waiting won’t kill love, but an ill-prepared marriage might suffocate dreams. Stand firm, but love her fiercely.
As we lay our bed, so we will lie on it. You might be wrong or she might be wrong. But it’s her life and she’s not doing anything illegal. Whatever happens she’ll learn from it and it will make her stronger. Let her make her own mistakes and experiences.
ReplyDeleteMadam, how is your daughter doing in school. What is her current CGPA? I had a friend then with a very poor result. The only thing in her head is getting married.
ReplyDeleteBaby girl, in case your mum sends this link to you. Any man that cannot be patient for a few years till your parents approve of it does not deserve you. You are parents want the best for you.
Mummy, if she insists do the gara for her, and wish her well.
Are you sure the guy is not an internet fraudstar? What's his source of income. Investigate properly. Internet fraud makes many of them feel they have arrived.
ReplyDeleteI am all for early marriage as long as she is marrying a well established generous man who is ready to give her the world. If she is marrying at 21 just to start suffering and struggling then it is not worth it at all. Does she know the impact it will have on her education? What is she hurrying for? Marriage is a long life covenant and she has to make an informed decision. She doesn't have skills and no sound education, what will she be contributing?
ReplyDeleteI hope she knows that the person she is dating is not the person she will marry. You need to advise and advise her, show her the pros and cons. I am a firm believer of early marriage but I know the challenges that comes with it. If she wants to go ahead, then pray for her and keep praying. Encourage her to finish her education even while married. It is just that when he married, her husband's words will become final.
Inquire of the Lord and pray on the decision to take .
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Giving her an ultimatum may not solve the problem. This is a time to have a heart to heart discussion with your daughter and if possible the guy too. Do they really understand what they’re about getting into? Write out marriage counselling questions for both of them to answer. Nevertheless, pray that God guides your baby girl’s steps, if this is not the right man for her, let God show her. Some people married at 18 and are happy while some married after acquiring everything but are not happy.
ReplyDelete