ADVICE NEEDED
Good day Stella
pls I want your view and blog visitors view on this issue
I married my wife 5 years ago although she was working but had issues in her place of work and quit, she is from a well to do family and lacked nothing.
When we got married she was already pregnant and we agreed after birth and the baby is a bit bigger she would start a business or work cos her dad at the time was trying to help her secure a government job at his parastatal but we later discovered he was lied to about that....
Fast forward few years my wife learnt a skill tried a lot but nothing seemed to work but God blessed me and I started giving her personal monthly allowance from 50k monthly to now 1m monthly. This is for her personally.
I realized she is good in finances, investing and very prudent. She now handles investments for me and her.
The issue I have with her is she is too stubborn as a stay home mom, knowing fully well I can stop paying her salary but my wife isn’t humble
Now she says she wants to write professional exam (ICAN) although she has started
She wants to start cooking channel (she started)
There was a day I threatened to cut her finances this woman didn’t beg or apologize. I was the one who apologized.
Some days she will say I should buy food, she can’t cook or she’s tired
She even hired a lady who comes to clean 3 times in a week, in fact she’s rebellious.....
I feel as a stay home mom she is supposed to respect me, do her duties, in fact be more submissive. My friends who their wives contributes to the house are even more submissive and humble. They cook and clean although my wife does and is a good cook but she isn’t submissive even though she isn’t contributing financially..
I am not a bad husband but i want her to honor me as a man more. Last month I cut her money but she didn’t even seem bothered Abi she has where she is getting money from?
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You have empowered her already, and please note that Men don't beg Women.
ReplyDeleteShe has seen you finished, and except you take strategic approach, you will become a second fiddle in that Marriage.
DOZZYBEST.
I was expecting ur comment baba nla;;;;;;;
DeleteMen don't beg women?
DeleteSeriously?
You failed to list the strategic approach for him, oya list them.
"Men don't beg women". Wow! This is a new one.
DeleteDon't worry poster pray harder, fast and go to the mountain, convert one of the rooms in your house as war room, she will change. 🚶🚶🚶
DeleteNa who no get sense go listen to this thing wey you write . This is how you lead people astray and cause problem for the society .
DeleteOlori buruku eyan ofo, na your type Dey beg woman pass but you will come online to claim rubbish
DeleteYou just Want her to bow down and worship you say it with your full chest no fear.
ReplyDeleteAbi
DeleteI keep saying it that a lot of men weaponize money . Once they are footing your bills they expect you to Bowdown and worship . Revere them and answer to their every whim .
DeleteFYI being a stay at home mom is not a walk in the park .
lol you are funny
ReplyDeleteStella, you for no put that laughing sticker oooo. Hahahahaha 😂😂😂😂 I Don laugh, forget wetin I wan type.
ReplyDeleteYou married a rich man pikin and you want her to clean wash cook and be submissive. This lady probably grew up in a home where there’re plenty help so she’s not used to that. Oga na for your village you suppose go marry oo, I worship the little my husband do because e better pass where I’m coming from. No dey rate your wife with my type cos the difference is clear.
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
I’m just imagining someone say they’d cut me off financially lmao i laugh in unknown language .
DeleteA privileged kid like me ? Na wa this is why it is good to have understanding before entering such union cos it doesn’t always end well.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteE reach to laugh sha because what is this?
DeleteNa so i laugh too because what is the meaning of this ?
DeleteI wish the wife could read this chronicle .
I laughed too because what is this ehn? Doing house chores everyday isn't a joke. For your mind she's not contributing financially,so because of that she should kill herself with chores. All these egoistic men self....
DeleteI laughed too because what is this ehn? Doing house chores everyday isn't a joke. For your mind she's not contributing financially,so because of that she should kill herself with chores. All these egoistic men self....
DeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteWhen u threatened a person too much,they let you know, nobody is irreplaceable..
Be a humble husband too,stop talking to her anyhow because u are giving her monthly allowance..
So she can't be tired again oga because of Ur monthly allowance..talk to her the way u want her to talk to you..
No vex Mr husband,if u have any issues with your wife discuss it like an adult not threatening her..
My God will bless you! Poster no lemme vex this hot evening biko
DeleteJust imagine. You dey threaten rich kid with money.🤣🤣🤣. OYO is your name
DeleteDear Poster, Thanks for your writeup. Here are my submissions to you. Your complaints are premised on power & control over your wife.......
ReplyDelete1. You were expecting that your monthly stipends would make her more submissive, but instead, her financial discipline and independence are threatening your control as Head of the home.
2. There is a difference between respect and control. And in this case, you want to control her, hence your passive aggressiveness towards her.
3. When you cut her 1 million naira allowance, she wasn’t bothered. This shows she has enough savings and investment, she knows she is doing well with or without your financial support and Sir, money is not everything....But you are threatened, why?
You should be proud that you have a smart, financially disciplined wife. Do you want a wife who obeys your every whimp or someone who can support this family when eventualities happen especially income cuts e.t.c...
My solutions are: (1) Communicate with her properly; she is your wife not your daughter
(2) Appreciate her contribution and keeping up the home; it's not by giving her money alone; it's not easy being a full-time home mom...Give her a helping hand in your home.....
(3) Accept that she is her own person and stop being controlling; that is not how to assert your position....
(4) Define what submission is to you; not these control tactics you are deploying or do you want a respectful, loving relationship? Your wife is not rebellious.....
All the best.....
Your 2nd paragraph is 👌. Also when it comes to submission, most 9ja men want a doormat, a "yes sir" to everything kinda person
DeleteYes, I sense control. She seems to have a mind of her own, and I think it unsettles him.
DeleteSAINT ELSEWHERE PHOENIX, this is so apt.
DeleteDear poster, Again, you need to know that as women age, we grow out of doing chores. We outgrow sweeping, bending down to mop etc. Nothing wrong with getting someone to do those things while she uses her brain to make more money.
Stop threatening her.
Women get tired of being threatened and damn the consequences.
She is not your staff or working for you , she is your wife. And you are not doing her a favour.
Whatever you are doing, you are doing for your wife and family. Also show her some respect. And talk to her nicely.
Werey man
ReplyDeleteSomeone that is from a rich home, because of your lean 1m you give her monthly, she should worship you. Oga don't use your hand to scatter your home because your friends' wives "worship" them. Nobody truly knows what goes on in the home besides the husband and wife, what you think you see might be lies. Do what works for your home. I think yout wife is a strong woman, she is a good cook, she is prudent and she is good with finances, she is pushing to get her career back on track, you should encourage her. Some men married liability and are regretting
DeleteWhen it comes to marriage counseling or advice am not good in that, even my friends and close associate knows that.
ReplyDeleteBut then I must share this on this space, men don't need your love, what they want is your respect and be submissive.
That's all sister if you can apply this and your man can't take good care of you, madam just walk away from such man. And to my follow men if your woman fall short of this use your tongue to count your teeth.
Have a talk with her. If nothing changes, wo! Do what makes you happy. Start investing on the side, have a secret savings . Buy properties in your name. Be present in your children’s life and have personal relationships with them. Have days you go out with them alone and bond with them. “Daddy take out day” Cos when chips are down, you’ll find that you have been left high and dry and your kids will even hate you. I am a woman and this is the advise I would give a fellow woman if they send in a chronicle like this.
ReplyDeleteAdvise him to stop comparing his wife to his friends’ wives too. Comparison they say, is the thief of joy.
DeleteHe should also stop weaponising money…it’s actually a disgusting trait in people.
Lol,. What in Gods name is this?
DeleteBuy properties in your name...Have secret savings this wont work for people like me who have properties bequeathed to them by their folks in their life time
She might be rebellious but you also get your own for body: you not only want to be respected, you want to be feared and revered. Oga, calm down! When you start comparing your marriage with your friends', you begin to sow the seed of discord in yours.
ReplyDeleteStopping her monthly allowance will only strengthen her resolve to get something doing so she won't be at your mercy. Have an honest and open discussion with her.
Poster see correct advice here
DeletePoster pay attention to the second paragraph.
DeleteLmaooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteI fear who no fear humans.. oga no vex, she start spreading red carpet to welcome you back from work as the igwe that you are🤣🤣🤣
Just take her as she is even if you don't give her any more ,she can still be rebellious , nothing you can do more than to pray because you can't divorce her based on this just manage her, with more children she will soon see your sacrifices and respect you
ReplyDeleteThank God,man is not God.🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteI don't even understand what ur issues are! I don't!!!! You didn't even mention one way she was disrespectful to u so we will know what we are judging but it seems like because you think you are giving her allowance, she shouldn't have a voice, slave away and practically worship the ground you work on!
ReplyDeleteIya Boys Laugh no Me Type wetin dey My Mind oooo...
ReplyDeleteOga Abeg make You no Vex jaree
Sit Her Down and Have a Conversation with her..
Pele Sir
No Vexxx jaree
Hello iya Boys
You want her to do the house chores by herself when she can afford to pay people to do it? Even if you stop her allowance, her family is rich according to you so she won't be broke.
ReplyDeleteOga go and arrange your home and stop talking like a primitive man.
Your marriage is fine
ReplyDeleteYou have money. Let her hire help. That’s a good thing
I’m also proud of how u increased her allowance as you got more
God bless you
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I didn't know I was in for a good laugh even after seeing Stella's sticker.
ReplyDeleteMr. Man, your problem is comparison. You are comparing your wife to those of your friends forgetting you don't live in the same house with them. Some of them probably kneel and beg and pay just to gbensh their wives sef. But it's what they portrayed to you, you are judging your own marriage with?
Stop nagging and have a tete a tete with your wife.
If you like, follow advise of so called kings on the blog and harm your marriage.
ReplyDeleteForcing submission and humility, is a dangerous thing. Cos when the person is finally liberated , you will see shege-banza.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you mentioned she's prudent with money and an investor. You should know that by now, your wife has wisely invested the 1m (omo, 1m for personal upkeep monthly. Oh Lord, I'm I a wood?) monthly, and she might be earning more than you sef.
She may be staying at home, but might have chains of biz, running for her.
Lastly, sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her, tell her How you feel about her behaviour towards you. And the many extras you do to prove your love etc al.. and how you don't feel respected, honoured and loved by her. She may probably have some grievances you both need to iron out too, and have a better marriage.
But know that, your wife's humility and submission can't be bought with money. Even if you give her 10m daily .
Is the monthly allowance used as a form of control. Do you dangle it over her head like a hook?
ReplyDeleteI really don't see anything wrong with her decision to write ICAN exams or start up a cooking channel. Those are her interests. Her life shouldn't simply revolve around you and the kids. And you have to understand that she comes from money, so she probably doesn't see things like hiring someone to do the cleaning as an issue.
I think there is an issue with compatibility. You have a more traditional mindset and expect that women should stick to some roles while she doesn't. You also believe that since you pay her a monthly allowance, that should be all, but unfortunately some women still crave that feeling of fulfilment. I hope you try to put yourself in her shoes somethings. I don't think women should lose themselves simply because they are married.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why some people with blessed marriages like to create non-existent problems in their marriage. Keep comparing her to your Friends wives, do you know how much her friends get as monthly stipends from their husbands too? Una no get wahala for dat home.
ReplyDeleteIt appears you feel you are making more contributions to the house hold and you don't appreciate her effort enough. I get it, financial contribution should never be undervalued, but you should also not act like the role of a housewife is unimportant. She also does a lot, you know.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm,so stayed at home Mon are to kill themselves?poster stop the comparison and be grateful for the kind of woman you have,at least she's good at investing and management.some women from such homes are wasteful .
ReplyDelete"I feel as a stay home mom she is supposed to respect me, do her duties, in fact be more submissive" - That's why she desperately wants to get something doing despite the number of times she has failed at it, you don't respect her or her efforts as a stay at home wife and she can see it.
ReplyDeleteOga on behalf of the stubborn and rebellious wives association( i be member o, i be senior for this association 🤣🤣)
ReplyDeleteLeave her the heck alone! You hear me so??
Leave her like that biko biko BIKO.
It baffles me how you men think you can tell a grown ass woman what and what not to do cuz you put a ring on it!! Puhleeeeezaa
Nawao. I'm also a stray at home mum infact I was the poster of Sunday chronicle.
ReplyDeleteMy husband respects me despite the fact that I don't work and he pampers me, if I say I'm not cooking,it's either he cooks or we eat out with the children. You' better ditch this your ideology , someone that is even busy reading and doing other things, do you think taking care of the household is an easy task? This chronicles make me appreciate my man more
You have a prudent wife that is not a liability that’s an asset for you.
ReplyDeleteFor the down side, Communicate with her how are actions make you feel disrespected.
The best way to live with “stubborn “ people is by trying your best not to lock horns with them. You have to see her as a person and always let her know her opinions are valid and you respect her. That way she would naturally reciprocate. And you will have a peaceful home and loving relationship.
Don’t ever try to cut her allowance again. It will only push her to be more independent of you if truly she’s as stubborn as you say.
Mr man, PLEASE don’t destroy your home. Are you so insecure that your wife wanting to improve herself threatens you? How is writing ICAN being “rebellious”? And a Food channel? It shows she has a brain. She’s a whole person with dreams and aspirations and you want to stifle it. If you get your way and manage to shut down her dreams, you won’t like what you get. That’s the best way to kill a person. I married a man who did ALL he could to destroy my independent spirit because he felt I was “stubborn”. The marriage is over now. Please learn to see the beauty in what you have and stop comparing your wife with your friend’s wife. It’s sad… you won’t know what you have until you lose her. Smh…
ReplyDeleteIf a man cannot control your with money, the next thing is to accuse you of being disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteInsecure little nitwits with such pathetic fragile egos.
Asides from money, oga what else did you bring to the table. Very dull lot with a triangular relationship with their penis.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Submission does not mean anything you say she does without question. Marriage is not about one spouse in complete domination and the other in complete submission at all times. Submission is a role that both spouse play from time to time and both spouse are also dominant from time to time. Yes, you earn well and support your household and wife, but she in turn has used the money through her investment savvy to grow the wealth of the family. She being a good good does not mean she will be interested in cooking everyday and nobody wants to clean up the house everyday. She having someone to come in and clean means that your family is helping someone else an earn an income, just as when you purchase meals, you are participating in the economy and contributing to building it.
ReplyDeleteSir, you don't have a problem in your house. The problem you have is in your perception and expectations. Your wife is wonderful and uniquely her own self and I am sure you would not trade her in for anyone else. Please enjoy her and be grateful she is not bringing any disgrace to your name or household.
I don't even know how to feel About this post. How about you do something because you love them not because you want something in return? Respect is earned and not forced. Give it time
ReplyDelete