Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SPOUSE'S FAITH IS KILLING ME
Hmmmmmmm sometimes love is not enough and i believe this now...
I am married to a man who is of the Jehovahs witness Faith and one of the conditions he gave for marrying me was that i would convert and i readily agreed because i was in love and didnt see it as a big deal but now it is and i cannot imagine living like this at all
I cant celebrate anything anymore and i have to sneak to birthday Partys and events...I dont think i can do this anymore.....I cannot even celebrate my own birthday and not allowed to attend my parents and siblings birthdays....We have been married for a year.
I need tips on how to tell my husband to practice his Faith while i practice mine..I do not believe in what they believe in and i want to go back to my normal life....This people dont celebrate Christmas and the last one was the most terrible cos i could not go to my parents or siblings house to make merry.
People who are married to Jehovas witness people, how do you cope with them......
I will be depressed if i continue like this....
What do i do?
This is the reason they are encouraged to marry each other so that it is not this difficult...I am sure that he will understand if you tell him the challenges that you are facing......It cannot be so easy and you didnt convert willingly..nah love push you...Please explain to him ,your marriage might pack up cos he will not want his kids to be brought up in another faith, na so dem dey do..... You should not have settled for this deal...
It won't be easy but tell him especially when you are just on bed after the show he might allow you
ReplyDeleteLobatan
DeleteThey don't celebrate o.
I gave my neighbour my daughter's birthday cake and drink, she told me they dont accept but if its ordinary days, she will, went to her house the next day she collected.
Since then I dont try such whether ordinary days or not.
Mao u even try, u had to go back the following day. Must u feed her ur cake, next time pls learn to respect ppl’s boundaries esp wt food and drink, bfr smthn will happen and they would say they rejected it the first day and u had to go back to mk sure they accept on a second day.
DeleteYou should have sent this chronicle before getting marriage. Desperation pushed you into accepting to convert, now your eye don clear. E no get wetin you wan do my sister, you either learn to live like them or opt out of the marriage.
ReplyDeleteMarried*
DeleteBut you accepted his terms before marrying him?
ReplyDeletePlease abide by the terms and conditions.
DOZZYBEST.
Dear Poster but you knew all these before...Why are you mentioning this as if it is today's news.... If you knew you didn't want to convert, you shouldn't have married him....You are giving manipulative vibes and it is not cool at all....
DeleteTell your husband how you feel but get ready to get some push backs from him & the church....I hear they ex-communicate those who don't continue with the faith....Poster you have to be accountable for your actions, this man made it clear to you like daylight and you decided to go with the union.....Something wey be straight line, you don make am jigsaw puzzle...
All the best..
Tell him how you feel. I doubt it will work so be ready to continue like this or end the marriage.
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Sometime i wonder why people creat future problem for themself. You knew all these before you married him , why crying out now .there is nothing you can do to change is mind is either you walk away or you remain in the hapless marriage to endure it .
ReplyDeleteThe lady i supposed marry years ago gave me some condition i walked away because i knew the future implication of the condition on me and the children yet unborn .
JW ppl you cannot change their mind he told you before and you accept .
It is well
Sometime i wonder why people creat future problem for themself. You knew all these before you married him , why crying out now .there is nothing you can do to change is mind is either you walk away or you remain in the hapless marriage to endure it .
ReplyDeleteThe lady i supposed marry years ago gave me some condition i walked away because i knew the future implication of the condition on me and the children yet unborn .
JW ppl you cannot change their mind he told you before and you accept .
It is well
So, where is the love you had for him? It’s only been a year and the love that quickly made you accept to convert to his religion happily and hungrily is hard to find. Are you sure you were really in love with him and not just desperate to marry by any means necessary. You knew before you entered the religion that they did not celebrate birthdays or any holidays, you knew this!
ReplyDeleteWe keep telling you all that desperation leads to destruction. You went before God and men and professed your vows. You have not said he is harming you or a bad husband, so please find those in the church who converted through marriage and speak with them to see how they were able to transition successfully.
Hello poster,I hope you realize your husband isn't likely to budge,so it's best to prepare your self for the worst .
ReplyDeleteDesperation is not good. Sometimes it does help us to yes where there should be a No. You have not started carrying the bag around and you are already complaining
ReplyDelete😅 which one is she hasn't started carrying the bag around 🙄😂
DeleteLMAO @carrying the bag around, that's why I said she should prepare for the worst, I know some of them personally.
Deletewhich carrying bag around are you talking about 😂
Delete😂😂😂tell her, she has not started community work she is complaining.
DeleteLol@ carrying bag around.
DeleteAm not married yet but permit me to drop my two cents.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure this will be easy
You said he gave you this condition before you got married and you willing accepted without thinking through properly.
Just pray to God to touch his mind because I have not seen Jehovah withness women going to another Church
Love is not enough, looks like you love him more and he is aware which was why he gave you this condition before he married you and you accepted
He is not doing you a favour by Marrying you, you both are doing each other the favour
Marriage should be based on mutual understanding, freedom and aligned values.
May the Lord give you divine wisdom
Did you pray before entering this marriage at all?
JW do not compromise on their faith. Except he's a Liberal witness. If one can let his pregnant wife die due to zero blood transfusion, who you be? Anyway try luck.
ReplyDeletePoster when you get pregnant and start ante natal, make sure you sign that they should give you blood and save you no matter what. Cos your life is in your own hands not someone else’s . Make decisions on time
DeleteShe hasn't even gotten to that part yet. Poster, pray not to have a reason to require blood transfusion cause he will never change his mind. Prepare for a divorce cos nothing will make him change his mind since he asked you before the marriage. Same thing with The Apostolic Faith- no blood transfusion.
DeleteExactly. Even if poster is at the point of death and it's obvious blood transfusion would save her. Na so our family friend die mtcheewww
DeletePoster, you better wake up
If dem say make people dey ask relevant questions or research for in-depth knowledge, dem go say na tiktok and whatnot get their time. This poster, are you an alien from space cause, this JW terms and conditions nor be today issue. Hence, what were you discovering and discussing while dating?
DeleteWhy did you say yes when you know it will be difficult for you to adjust?? He gave you the condition before marriage and you agreed, whose fault now?? You of course.
ReplyDeleteYou would have allowed him marry their church sister.'
Talk to him first then you follow him with respect,cos any disobedience will definitely leads to fight and quarrels.
When we say love is more than the emotional feelings they will not listen, You have to keep managing or you leave the guy alone...
ReplyDeleteM dear if you truly love him ,just join wholeheartedly.See that church, the m no dey play with their rules o.Or else your marriagr is at risk.
ReplyDeleteIt is with a lot of elbow grease that your marriage will work. Even if you practice your faith and he does his, when you have children what will happen? You won’t ever celebrate their birthdays? It’s obviously important to you.
ReplyDeleteBlood transfusions nko? If you’re at the point of death and can’t make medical decisions for yourself, will he insist that you still can’t receive transfusions?
No other way to tell him than to open your mouth and tell him that you don’t agree with the tenets of his faith.
I must say though, it was a very foolhardy decision to marry him, this kind of love will fade fast when push comes to shove.
Let me also add, if after looking at their lifestyle you can’t adhere, please use solid birth control before you decide whether to stay in the marriage or not.
DeleteThey act almost cult-like when it comes to their rules.
This is grounds for divorce I will just jejely return you back to your father's house. And I will collect everything I spent on the wedding. Scammer
ReplyDeleteThe moment a condition is given for marraige, it should be run for your life. Nothing like love here o. I only see a desperation to settle down. If there was love as you said, you should have converted by now.
ReplyDeleteShe wanted wedding to prove to people. Desperado. Abeg I be JHW move out so I can meet him.
DeleteDear poster is obvious that you caused everything that is happening now, why did you accepted where you know you won't practice the faith eeh, now dey you don come back to ask questions
DeleteOya follow Mammi Stella advice you hear
Ewo Anon15:51
DeleteJehovah's Witnesses are the most religious yet hard-hearted sect I have ever come across, the reason Russia declared them a terrorist organization.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, as far as your husband is concerned, it can't change.
If you want peace of mind and freedom as you mentioned, then the only way things can change is separation, it's even better now that you don't have children, else you are on your own.
Wow. Lol. Thanks for the education
DeleteLeave those people
ReplyDeleteI have some that come to preach for me
I enjoy the time because I no get many people but nothing wey dem go preach wey go enter my ear sotey I join them…..Upeh when I no Dey craze.
Nothing wey go ever make them sexual attractive to me,they be like cult.
They don’t take communion except once a year when only extremely few people partake . In a crowd of 200 only 5,4 or any significantly less number can partake. Something Jesus share sotey Judas follow drink even when e know say e go betray am. Even when Jesus resurrect he still broke bread with his disciples and brethren that joined them
Their Wahala too much abeg
My dad once had a man and his wife come to preach and pioneer but nothing change my papa from catholic. Nothing go change me but make them Dey come till them realize say na rock
Na them drink alcohol pass
Na them groove pass
Na them go club pass
Na them enjoy life pass
God will help everybody shaa
I like their spirit of evangelism and how they help one another
Oh mine you just made me laugh so hard
DeleteI have a friend who is of this faith. Anytime I visit him,he entertains me well with enough food and drinks. Even alcohol sef. Another of my friend too. That one smokes for Africa. They still attend their normal evangelism.I think they are some liberal one's. I don't know the one you marry
ReplyDeleteYes, they know how to enjoy life but they are very strict with their rules and marry themselves.
DeleteWhen I was in Uni, my JW friends clubbed and smoked but when one of them married outside the church, they excommunicated her.
It’s a cult. How do you let your loved one die because you don’t want blood transfusions???
I avoid them.
They do all those oh, but you see their rules, they must adhere to them if not, na excommunication
DeleteLove don really suffer 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteno any tips oh cos you accepted his condition because you felt you want to marry or was in love. So what happened to the love you had for him then? did the love die or you want to go and play some party kind of life. Anything you know that you cannot continue you should never accept it. That time he was pushing for marriage you both should have put the wedding on hold till you resolve that concern.
ReplyDeleteYou married him accepting his conditions, you never gave him your own conditions. Oga will never accept any change cos you both have been attending same church since you got married. Just accept it and take your eyes off from parties or you can choose to speak to him when you have any party especially if you know his mumu point and he may accept but don't expect too much from him.
Gbam.
DeleteSomeone who is rooted deeply in his faith will be like mount zion that cannot be moved.
So when you were dating, he did not celebrate your birthday? Christmas, Easter, Anniversary of your meeting him etc etc.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.
Abi you met him on Monday and married him in the Evening???
Desperation always leads to doom.
Oh, my dear - love. You thought you were signing up for a marriage, but it turns out you unknowingly enrolled in a religious boot camp. And now, reality has set in - hard. Interestingly, last Saturday, my husband and I attended the 2nd wedding of our ex-coursemate from our University days, who remarried - guess what? Her ex-husband was a Witness. Thankfully there was no child involved - her deliberate decision.
ReplyDeleteThis coursemate said she made a promise without fully understanding its weight, influenced by love’s tendency to cloud judgment. Trapped in a doctrine she never truly embraced, she felt emotionally suffocated, her self-esteem plummeting. She withdrew from loved ones, her life starkly different from how she was raised. Knowing the situation was unfit for starting a family, she secretly opted for family planning. Thankfully, her brothers helped after she confided in the eldest. She admitted her parents had warned her to be cautious, and observe diligently, but love’s pull had been too strong.
So, dear poster, you’ll not be the first person to marry for love and realise faith is a deal-breaker, or will you be the last? It happens all the time. Faith isn’t just about what people believe; it dictates their lifestyle, choices, and - clearly - their social life too. You agreed to convert without fully understanding what it meant, and now, like my ex-coursemate, you’re feeling caged. That’s valid. Isn't it?
Sneaking around in marriage is exhausting and unsustainable. Hiding to attend birthdays like a grounded teenager is no way to live. If deception is necessary to feel like yourself, something is fundamentally wrong. Marriage has challenges, but living in fear and losing yourself shouldn’t be one of them.
Communicate openly - first with your family, then with your husband. No passive-aggressiveness, no silent suffering, no waiting for divine intervention. Sit him down and say:
"I know I agreed to convert, but I didn’t fully grasp what it meant for my life. I’m miserable. I respect your faith, but I need to reclaim my own beliefs and traditions. How do we move forward in a way that respects both of us and our marriage?"
If he refuses to compromise, you’ll face tough choices and may need your family’s support, as my friend did.
No matter the excuse love had fooled you into believing, your marriage cannot be built on suppression. That’s not any of the tenets of marriage. If your husband expects you to erase your identity to sustain the marriage, that’s not love - that’s control wrapped in religiously packaged blatant manipulation. Love should make you feel safe, heard, seen, and valued, not like a prisoner. Depression is real, and you need to take it seriously. You’ve already said it: “I will be depressed if I continue like this.” That’s your spirit screaming for help. Suppressing yourself for peace isn’t peace - that's servitude - slow emotional death.
Now, for the hard question: What if he refuses to compromise? If his faith is non-negotiable and your happiness depends on reclaiming your freedom, you might have to consider an exit strategy. Yes, I said it. Love should never cost you you. Marriage is hard enough without adding religious oppression to the mix, instead of spiritual innuendos. So, decide: Do you want to spend the rest of your life faking it, or do you want to reclaim your joy? Because, darling, life is too short to be sneaking to birthday parties like a fugitive who mustn't be heard or seen anywhere but within the confined doctrines of a religious cult.
Very well said.
DeleteNa chatgpt you use write thus nothing you Wan tell me
DeleteThank you Ebony Oge for your objectivity.
ReplyDeletePoster, so long as you are alive, you can always make amends in life. This is not an exception. Just make sure you do so peaceably.
Ebony Oge, very well said 👏 👌
ReplyDeleteTerms and Conditions apply
ReplyDeleteYou said "YES"
Enjoy your Marriage in peace dear.
You better don't frustrate that man's life,. He didn't deceive or coax you, he told you and you accepted, now you want to start trouble..
ReplyDeleteThere's a girl I was getting to like, I wasn't okay with how she dressed sometimes, as regards laps and cleavage exposure, I told her, she said nothing can stop it..
I carry my self waka..
I will not see what I can't condone and agree then later come and be complaining and playing victims.. and then try to make the other person look bad like you are doing now
But she took responsibility na
DeleteBoth of you aren't serious and the foundation of your marriage is faulty. I've had witness friends who broke up with their long time partners because the person refused to be a witness.
ReplyDeleteI study with them, attend meetings but I know I can't be one nor marry one because I don't agree with some of their doctrine.
Marriage is too sacred an institution for you to enter just to taste the waters knowing what he stands for.
And you know the only legal ground for marriage according to his belief is infidelity. May Jah help you.
Nothing you say to him that will make him not see you as a DECEPTIVE PERSON. He will feel you deceived him into marriage , and it will especially hurt him because he thought you have now believed and accepted what he believes. (Could it really be deception? )
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, it's like you both believe in 2 separate religions. And most partners feel when married, they can convert the other. It doesn't work that way. Especially for those who take their religion serious & not for nominal Christians like you.
You saying you want to go for those things is asking him to allow his wife wilfully "sin" against his God and willingly break d rules/doctrine of their faith (that's why they excommunicate, so as to serve as deterrent to others and not corrupt others too).
I must applaud him for standing for "the truth" he presently knows. You, what do you stand for? Do you genuinely have a relationship with God and have given your life to Christ? Or you are more bothered about celebrating parties? Why would he want to go against his church and agree to accommodate for these "flimsy" excuses ? and what kind of prayers are you praying to God about it for? To be allowed to go to parties and have birthday , Christmas etc celebrations or for Him to encounter Christ and know the TRUTH THAT WILL FOREVER SET HIM FREE?
3 Options:
1. accept the rules and remain in the marriage
2. Refuse to abide by the rules, and be ready to leave him to find another of his faith, while you do yours.
Note that, you can't just walk in and out of marriage. It might take you up to 3 years to properly clear all these and before you get yourself and start a new relationship, e go reach 5 years. (Singles, try get it right the first time please. Regardless of your age, and pressure, DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS )
3. Accept Jesus Christ in totality and keep praying for your husband too to find him. Might take a long while, but he will have an encounter with God and leave the congregation himself. (Pls no offence intended to JW members. Just giving my 2 cents).
Remember, you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's no playing a "smart one here"
And as somebody said above, if he asks for refund, tie your belt to pay ooo. Lol. Cos nah deception dem go call this one .
PS: Amos 3 v 3: can 2 walk together except they agree?
Well said.
DeleteIt’s not about the parties for me. If he has to make a life or death decision for you (for whatever reason) what would inform his decision? What about your children, if and when you decide to have them. JW don’t play. Please prayerfully consider the options above.
You don't just tell someone not to do this or that without explaining to her why you don't approve of it.
ReplyDeleteIf he really wanted to win you over, he would have taken out time to explain with biblical references why he believes that God doesn't approve of it, and if after detailed explanation you still don't see reasons with him, then , the ball is in your court.
You can just tell someone, don't wear this, don't transfuse blood, don't dance or clap in church etc, with no valid reason. Nobody is anybody's robot to be ordered like fools.
As for you poster, you just want to cause problems, this is just like a breach of contract. You had agreed to adhere to rules that are strange to you, you didn't have common initiative to ask for more clarification on it or maybe he gave you valid reasons (according to his belief) and they didn't sit well with your own belief but you chose to neglect the fact that they are difficult rules to you because of desperation?
DeleteWell, anything you see, take it like that.
ReplyDeleteYour husband will never ever agree to anything you are trying to say if it is not in line with his faith.
Two things are involved:
It is either you accept all that his faith entails or you jejely leave the marriage now that children are not yet involved.
I think there’s another way
ReplyDeleteSometimes if you move from the current location, the hold of the larger group will loosen a bit
Is there any opportunity for you guys to relocate ?
Also as you’re already considering divorce, why not just start doing your church and events and see if he’ll be okay las las
When we are getting married, we often ignore the signs. May God help you, because your marriage is still young
ReplyDelete