Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmm...

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A STORY TO LEARN FROM AND ARGUE ABOUT

A couple recently moved into the apartment across the street behind my residence. They had been married for 16 years but you can never tell. The wife is 37 and they have 5 kids already. She is nursing the 5th. The husband is a banker and the wife has a small kiosk where she sells petty items in front of their apartment. I had observed over time that they appeare very religious and take going to church serious. I found that commendable.

On a particular Sunday, I had gone to get noodles for my kids from her. We exchanged light banter and I playfully inquired why she didn’t go to church with the rest of her family. Her reply was that she was under the weather and decided to rest. I bid her well and left. Thinking nothing of it.

A few days later, my wife during a random discussion, made it known to me that the reason my neighbors wife did not go to church that particular Sunday was because the son had no pampers and since the husband refused giving her money to buy, she decided against going to church that day. I was shocked and disappointed. 

I felt that since she had a business she was running, she could well afford a unit or two of pampers at least. That was when my wife mentioned that our neighbor’s wife had bitterly lamented that her husband would rather use his money to settle the needs of his relations and leave his own home in need. That she was tired of pinching from her capital to meet needs of the home without the husband paying back. That her husband is ashamed of allowing his colleagues ever visit him at home because as a banker, his salary could afford a more decent place. I thought she made valid points.
My wife then dropped a shocking and bizarre tale of what happened when she was in the labor ward for our third child. There was a lady who had been admitted to the labor ward days before my wife was admitted. Her labour was becoming problematic and Caesarian section was recommended. Payment needed to be made before she could be taken to the operating theatre.

 Now the husband to that lady for some reason could not afford the money. He was hoping that the wife would give birth without the need for C.S. The situation was becoming dire. The doctor in charge that day, decided that the operation should go ahead even without any deposit(the state government had mandated that in situations where payment was not forthcoming, such operations could go ahead). 

The wife kicked against been wheeled to the theatre. She had the attendants tell the husband that he had to go and source for money before anything happened. Desperate, the husband went to see what he could raise on short notice.
In his absence, disaster struck. The wife’s situation deteriorated. She was quickly rushed into the theatre but efforts to save her and the baby failed. Both died. The husband returned with what he managed to raise only to be told his wife and baby had passed. He was beside himself gutted with grief.

Here is where this takes a bizarre turn. As she was about to be wheeled into the morgue. They were gathering her belongings to give the husband, when a small polythene bag fell out of her wrapper. In the bag was 53,000 naira neatly tied together. The money for the C.S was 70k. The wife had more than enough to have given the husband to pay as deposit. She refused to but rather mandated the man to go looking. Seeing the money his wife had kept hidden, in anger, the husband walked away and abandoned the corpses. It took his younger brother and several people to get him to return and take the corpses for burial.

The reason why I tied the story of my neighbor to the second story is that when there is an absence of trust, financial fidelity and integrity between couples, the consequences can be very unpleasant. In the first case, the husband lacked financial accountability and fidelity to his wife. In the second case, it would not be too far of an assumption to think that the wife did not trust that her husband would come through for her, hence she resorted to rather desperate means to get him to pony up. Too bad she lost her life in the process.

The lesson here is, nothing builds harmony in a marriage and binds like when spouses are mutually accountable to each other financially and can trust themselves with each other’s finances. While the man should be the financial head of his home, his integrity with money, his willingness to have his wife have a say in how that money is spent, his appreciation of her efforts when she compliments him in providing for the home can make his task a little less challenging. Too many marriages are in crises because of absence of financial accountability.
This is my take but what do I know? I am just 4 years in marriage so maybe there’s more to the picture I don’t understand yet.

As a woman please make sure you have a means of livelihood before getting married so that you can have your own money to spend..Please what is this mentality with always waiting for a man to give you money before you can do certain things in the house? if you want to say he didnt allow you work, why will you allow him talk you you into becoming a housewife without a day job?Even a provision store in front of the house OK but make sure you sue the money from sales if nothing is forthcoming....

Marriages are packing because of the wrong mindset towards finances and entitlement mentality in marriage...Because you are married does not mean you should chook eyes in your spouses finances....For me i can discuss with you about my finances but my money is my money and yours is yours, if you bring fine and if you dont thats on you.....

Nigerian women especially need to stop usoing men as atm in marriages otherwise their marriages will continue to crash..

You dont have to agree with me abeg!