CONFUSING MARRIAGE
Good day Stella.Please help me post.
I noticed my husband likes to put me in a position where it seems I'm forcing myself on him and he's not interested.
I noticed my husband likes to put me in a position where it seems I'm forcing myself on him and he's not interested.
I don't know if it fans his ego. For example, there was a time we had a misunderstanding, I went to his office with food to talk about issues, when colleagues pass and say hi to me, he'll quickly tell them not to mind me that I offended him and I brought food to come and beg him.
He will even raise the food and show them. He repeated it to more than 5 people before I cautioned him to stop.
I can hug him in public and he will shout that I should leave him alone, I will now avoid coming close to him, he will complain that I'm not romantic see how Mr & Mrs X are all over each other.
He was brushing his teeth and retching one morning, I rushed to the bathroom to check on him, he answered me so rudely like I was bothering him. The next time he retched while brushing, I faced my front. He now came out and was telling me how I don't care about him. How he vomited twice and I didn't even come and check on him.
S#x is even worse. I try to kiss him and do a little teasing all day he will start pushing me away that I should stop. I will now leave him alone, he will start complaining that I don't initiate s#x. I stopped apologising whenever we have a misunderstanding because anytime I apologise, he will drag the issue and make me keep apologising for days. Then he will turn around and use it against me in future that I'm always the one apologising and begging him every time. That I should work on myself.
This is me that apologises for the sake of peace not because I feel anyone is wrong. I stopped apologising since the second year of marriage, he now says I'm too proud I cannot even apologise during misunderstandings.
I'm just confused in this marriage.
If I act nice he will act irritated like fine girl that plenty boys are toasting, if I act indifferent, he will complain that I'm too hardened. Is this how marriage is supposed to be? Is the wife supposed to be chasing the husband like this? We've been married for 5 years. I've stopped being nice to him. I just act like I don't care. Like very emotionless. I promised myself that I won't let him humiliate me again. And he's complaining that I'm proud and sending me quotes on pride everyday. What do I do now? I can't keep putting myself in the position he wants me to be.....
What kind of man is this? Is he Bipolar? I dont even know what kind of advice to give you as you have tried both ways and none is working..Please continue with whatever behaviour you deem fit to tame his complexities... God forbid this kind of husband eeeh.
Yes he’s bipolar and a Narc. Poster ignore him completely and be happy for yourself
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
If Gaslight is a human
DeleteHonestly, ignore him.
DeleteDon't just with him, greet him every morning, afternoon, evening and any greeting time, serve his food but cut off anything jist, sex even going out together. Live and treat him as if you are staying with brother/sister in-law that you are avoiding.
Again get a friend that you can be chatting with that will make you laugh out loud.
Intact make him feel jealous
Dress sex as you go out on daily bases so that he will feel that you are seeing someone else
Ironically, this is how many women are to their partners. Society will even encourage them and tell them to do more "shakara" 😑
DeleteUna get time for this life and race o!
DeleteLife wey only me come, na still only me go go I will now use it to be overstretching myself in the name of pleasing someone?
Once you stress me too much I bury you in my mind, I don too suffer to allow any other form of stress.......
He is a confused being.
ReplyDeleteVery very 😂🤣😃 very confused people, nawa o
DeleteIt must be very stressful being married to this kind of human being.. poster please dey your dey o before you kolo too
Poster you are in a very horrible position. Unless your husband agrees to submit himself for professional counseling to deal with the root of his issues, this marriage will likely be on the rocks. My suspicion is that he has an inferiority complex and low self esteem. He may not really feel worthy of you for whatever reason, so he feels that the best way to retain you as a wife is to keep you on your toes in the relationship, or try to whittle down your self esteem so that you do not feel superior to him (in his mind). Try everything you can to protect your own mental health. What your husband does not realize is that by treating you badly, he is only 'doing himself ' as they say. He is making you cold and tearing down your love for him brick by brick until nothing is left eventually. Hope you can successfully sit him down for a heart to heart talk and persuade him into seeing a therapist. Both of you can go for the therapy. All the best.
DeleteJust pray about it and get busy with other things get your mind off it don't let it bother you
ReplyDeleteHe is a childish man because how can a grown man not know what he wants.
ReplyDeleteIf you are naturally a nice and caring person please don't allow him change you. Do what works for you and allow him deal with his confused self.
Some men can be a handful walahi.
Very childish
DeleteCheck his temperaments and see how to operate around him. And pls stop allowing what he says get to you. You are as much human with feelings ad he is.
ReplyDeleteDon't allow him gaslight you.
Jezzz!! If this is not a textbook example of a passive aggressive and narcissistic person then I dunno what else it is.
DeleteTo overcome a narc. (A) Don't supply hom any emotions or react to how he treats you. Narcs breed on supply.
Good you stopped apologizing. Focus on you, Don't allow anything he does to you get you in your feelings or emotions. Pretend that he does not exist.
2. Mirror his behaviour. Yes or go grey rock on him.
When he tries to gaslight you, don't defend or go into an argument with him. Maintain your steeze
All the best
Please have a heart to heart discussion with him or you both could see a counselor. His attitude looks like he seeks attention and loves been the center of attraction. He needs to know he his the man in the family. God see you through.
ReplyDeleteUna no do courtship before una marry?
ReplyDeleteThis your husband na wow ooo, confused man.
ReplyDeleteYour husband has mood swing like your gender , he doesn't know how to manage his mood swing properly that is why you both are always having fall out. 5 years already a long time for you both to be able to understand yourself in your union.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot give up on him cod you need peace of mind and you also want to have fun in your marriage. You need to constantly talk with him about how you feel, let him understand the damage his attitude is giving you already.
He is giving room for temptation in your union, discuss with him and you both should find a better soft landing. Study his temperament also.
Poster, your husband doesn’t have any mood swings oh, that one me I know. Probably you’re finer than him or earn more than him so he wants to keep your ego in check and increase his own ego thus making you to always chase him. Or he just has a level of narcissistic personality disorder and wants to keep you below him
DeleteBefore he sends you quotes, send him multiple quotes about narcissistic personality disorder. Don’t allow any MFer to gaslight you. I’m experiencing this to a lesser degree but me i no dey gree, if I switch off after his misbehavior dem never born my husband to try to gaslight me because I will call him a manipulator to his face.
ReplyDeleteNa only because of God I go just look am sometimes and ignore.
Me sef go dey read comments for long lasting ways to manage this kind of man because I don tire. Sucking the sweetness out of marriage!
This is where mind yourself snd business has meaning in capital letters.
ReplyDeletePlease ignore him and do what makes you happy. Don't even argue or exchange words with him. He is childish and will come around when he realise that you don't have time for him anymore
ReplyDeleteHe might be bipolar because the moodswings get as e be....read books on how to deal with people with bipolar before recommending therapy to him.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should just call him out on his attitude.
ReplyDeleteHe may not know the effects of his actions on you. Call him out,and point out these scenarios to him.
For the office part, it probably felt awkward and didn't know how to react and then he fumbled. See, when you told him about how uncomfortable his actions were,he stopped.
For the brushing part..maybe instead of entering, just knock on the door. And ask if he's okay.
For the PDA, not my thing.
So what i think is that you should call him out on his behavior.But most importantly talk to your husband and see how it goes. All the best. Talk to him. Do not hold back anything. Keep all the cards on the table. 5 years is a long time for you two.
I always believe that relationships are good(marriage included) and not hard if the two parties are willing to do what is required. Relationships for me is basically making the life of your partner better and easier.
If he doesn't make amendments then call his bluff.
Amendments includes him apologizing for the effects of his actions and making sure it doesn't repeat itself.
N. B I'm not supporting his actions towards you, but I don't want you giving up. Do try.Cheers😊😊😊
Hydrogen
He is a very childish ogbanje
ReplyDelete😂 I'm so sorry, I had to laugh.......
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteWahala too much oooo
Yeye childish Ogbanje..
Hello iya boys
Poster if ignoring him gives you peace please do so. This his attitude will stress you out.
ReplyDeleteCould be undisclosed mental case. Press ignore button
ReplyDeleteSend him quotes on people who are confused and can never be satisfied with what one does also.
ReplyDeleteYou can add all the instances you told us about here if he still doesn't understand.
You probably irritate him and it may not be your fault. Men like to set expectations for their spouses and when she doesn’t meet them, they start to dislike her. I don’t know what to tell you other than to have a candid conversation with him if you still want the marriage cos with time, that irritation will become hatred.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is a classic Narcissist… please read up on Narcissistic Personality/disorder. Start protecting your mental health because it would get worse.He will kill your self esteem, gaslight you, and make you feel like everything is your fault. He will tell people you are very bad and disrespectful to him( that’s why he does that in his office). So that when you finally/ if you decide to leave him, everyone already knows you were a bad wife.
ReplyDeleteYou're very correct anonymous, full blown Narcissistic character. He wants you to loose yourself. Don't give in. 🙏🏿
DeleteHe has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They always live in fear and will do anything to sabotage any relationship they are in. They always want to be a "God" in their partners life and will go to the extent of slandering their partners to loved ones so that they'll have a hold on them.
DeleteYour husband is acting like a baby. Please leave him. After all marriage doesn’t define a woman.
ReplyDeleteAll you married women.
ReplyDeleteGet your self a loyal dude and gb3msh with..flirt with and have fun..that way you don't bother about what your husband is doing.ypu won't hear.grt yourself a loyal young side cock that won't give you controversies imagin3 what this lady is going through.
Poster don't stress yourself.. the only solution is to take your mind off him and you do so by starting to search for a side young boyfriend and flirting.thats the reality of the world we are in today.no time for worries.
You remind me of one of our old Beevees laidat.😁
DeleteErrrm
DeleteQueen is this you?😂😂😂😂
Noooooooo.
DeleteYou asked a question somewhere and I will answer you , ‘No, this is not how marriage is supposed to be’. Marriage should never be stressful for either partner.
ReplyDeleteDon't let your guard down. Keep minding your business and watch how he will call himself to order. He wants you to answer him so that he can escalate it and then you will have to apologize to him.
ReplyDeleteThis is good, just let him be and get your mind on other things, if he says anything silly do not answer nor do as if you heard nor act out the anger. Just free him he will come around and don't let your guard down. He has a complex probably you are better than me
DeleteYour WIFE;sorry your husband has Ogbanje Vibes AKA mood swings;and this very Ogbanje thrives on attention.
ReplyDeletePeople with that kinda mood swing;keep them guessing your next move.
Don't give too much attention;let him be the one doing the complaint.
There is no pleasing them;so you have to give less attention and keep him guessing whether you love him or not;because the moment he realizes that you care about him;his ego gets fueled and the Ogbanje begins to manifest again.
You don marry already,and this kinda man no fit change;except his fellow Ogbanje clan disowns him,so always act indifferent,even though deep down you care.
@MARTINS
I said it
DeleteNa them!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Perhaps he is displaying early signs of some form of mental illness. You will have to address it plainly with him, telling him that his behaviour is concerning to you. You didn’t say how long you were married for, I hope this is not one of those everyone knew but me situations.
ReplyDeleteYou are within your rights to leave the marriage if his behaviour cannot be corrected through behaviour modification or medication. Please protect your fertility and do not allow any chances of pregnancy until you know exactly what you will be doing.
Don't loose guard beautiful. You're Awesome. If you're willing to continue to doubt your sanity,You can continue in this mess,plus think of your unborn kids. This Narcissist Don't care about children either. The ball is in your court.
ReplyDeleteNa Ego things.
ReplyDeleteHe likes it when you care for him without showing that he likes it.
I don't even know how to explain it, Abeg.😎
Clearly You love him more than he loves you. Ignore him when he talks, he's a gas lighter who would continue to manipulate you till you lose your mind, except you don't let him.
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is not completely right in the head...because what is this behaviour? God I beg ooo ( in Fidel's voice).
ReplyDeleteCypress Hill had a hit song back in the day called, Insane in the Membrane. Poster should play that song when he starts acting up. Dude is muy loco.
DeleteMy error, the correct title of the song is, Insane in the Brain.
DeleteMust you people marry.
ReplyDelete🤣🤣
DeleteYour husband is a spoilt child with too much attention on him when he was young. Just manage him. Teach him wetin him mama no teach am. Stop apologizing, love yourself first, he will adjust with time. Or play his own game with him.
ReplyDeleteYour husband dey see period?
ReplyDeletePeople shouting mental illness and obanje vibes. Her husband is closet gay he is the female. His real personality is coming out small small. Poster pray and ask God for grace. Abeg bring update o. God keep u safe dear.
ReplyDeleteIn all your readings of comments, read @16:00 again and again and ...
ReplyDeleteSome thing is amiss. Think below the surface. It may be him 100%. It may be you. It may be you both not being compatible.
Is he finding it hard to get pass something you did or you are doing? Something apart from those you mentioned here?
A person who believes in marriage for life but got or gets really offended by something done or being done by the other partner may blow hot and cold as you say he does. This is common in some "christian" marriages.
Was he over pampered as a child?
When you are at fault, apologise fully once. But more importantly, stop the offending act. Most times we apologise and repeat the offending act by habit. Constant repetition of an offending act and apologising for it is disrespectful and diminishes the value of our apology generally.
Long drawn and repeated apologies are irritating for some people because it reminds of the offending act. It is as irritating when an offender is often reminded of a bygone offending act.
Since you still want to be married to him, accept the situation playfully
Playfully reply that he is still your husband and you are still his wife when he starts or his done. Or quietly leave him alone when he starts. Some people actually do not mind people being left alone to stew in their foul mood or they eventually get used to be left alone in such mood.
Live your life.
Not all men want their wives all over them even if they say so in comparison with other women. Mentally throw away all the comparisons.
Do not listen to the advice to seek for adultery.
People who recommend adultery are not married. If they are, you can bet they do not live in adultery. It is the same thing with those who support revenge paternity fraud. They are not doing it. They get very angry and promise regret by any person publicly associate them with adultery but they support revenge paternity fraud which is the most heinous form of adultery.
Adultery is the worse form of financial, intellectual and emotional poverty thinking.
Seek separation or divorce
If you think the marriage is not good enough, better to seek separation for rethink or divorce. The earlier the better.
But your complaint does not warrant any of the extreme steps of separation or divorce. Most men who do what you complain about usually outgrow it especially if their wives do not dwell on it. They outgrow it for good with the marriage becoming bubbling with fun or with the marriage going bland with resignation and without any positive or negative dramas.
The guys is a narc. It doesn't get better
DeleteYou are in a long time and I don't see that stopping soon cos that's the way his brain is but try to talk about it exactly d way it is so that one day he may willingly decide from his heart to love you d way he suppose to. People like that likes to prove to their family that they are head,to friends that they are in control
ReplyDeleteI'll ask the same question as Bv BJ, una do courtship before this marriage?? Because how did you cope with all these while courting. Did you ignore the red flags? or was he so good at pretending that he hid this other side of him, and you didn't notice?
ReplyDeleteForever is too long to endure some nonsense oh, for the singles let's look well before we leap, please.
It is well with you poster