Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm,tough one!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

DEPRESSED AND CONFUSED

Hello Stella,

I have been thinking for almost 1 month now about whom I can genuinely talk to without being mis- judged or slammed. Thought about my pastors but I already know what they'll say. My 2 friends are a no go area coz I already know their answers. Been thinking and praying so I opted to talk to a neutral person. Someone who barely knows me so they can honestly give an overview of my situation without being flawed.

 Forgive my English. I'm french.

 I promise i will be very honest . Please be patient with me. I will bare my heart out and not pretend to be good simply because i'm sitting behind my computer or because you don't know me in person.


I am a 33 years old woman and I live in the US. Never been married (At-least not genuinely)and don't have kids.(Dying to have some). Have been here for sometime and to be honest I've had my own fair share of the battle paper-wise. I shouldn't be saying this but I've been robbed financially many times. between $5-11k each time. I hustled day and night to put this money together yet I'd end up losing it and would have to start all over. At some point my mum had to start sending me money from Africa to pay people. Yes it was that bad. Yet each time something will go wrong. I have never been able to understand why. Even tho my pastors wife kept saying Please do not pay anyone to give you papers. God will send you a genuine husband.


I'm not trying to blow my trumpet. I am not ugly. God blessed me with things that appeal to men and i'm very curvaceous with a very tiny tummy. My 2 Nigerian female "friends " would always ask me"who good girl help" ?. Join us and hustle these big men. They now live in luxurious houses and drive big cars, Got men to pay for their papers , trips and all what not. I don't judge them at all and of course I want all those goodies too but don't have the courage to sleep with different men. At-least God blessed me with a job as a manager in a big firm even tho i'm using someones papers. That freaks me out everyday. many doors have opened in my face but I cant do nothing about it coz I don't have papers. My friends are travelling the world right now and living the life. Oh Lord!


Here is whats getting me depressed. A 50 years old over-sized retired American veteran asked me for well over 1 year to be his woman. Of course I said No coz I don't love him. When trump became president I was desperate and sick with fear, I agreed to marry Mr A. permit me to call him that. I do not Love him and we have never lived nor slept together. We've been married for 7 months now. I told him to give me time to Love him and he is very patient with me. He says just knowing I'm his wife gives him joy. Truth be told I do not and may never Love him. Believe me I have tried but I cant. I only married him so I can get my papers.


This is what baffles me... Since I married him we haven't filed for my papers. Money isn't the problem. For some reason that I cant explain each time i try to file I get reluctant. hmmm! 3 months ago I decided to put myself out there and see if God was indirectly telling me my partner is still out there and Mr A inst my helper. I don't go out because I have a very crazy work schedule. So I subscribed on Christian Mingle. My 1st week on there I met someone and I stopped going there, lol! that's my dumb life. once I start talking to someone with whom I think I click, just talking to someone else makes me feel like i'm cheating. I did not meet my Christian mingle prince charming until 3 months laterbecause he is in the Military and was away for training. He is Nigerian and I've always Loved Nigerians. Lol


Okay here's the drill. The Nigerian immediately started talking about marriage. We kindda have common interest. We Love to travel and have a good time. We both have a heart for God and he is serious about marrying me immediately if i get a divorce. Twice he has asked his mum to fly from here to go to my country and meet my family/pay my dowry but I asked him to slow down I need to think. This is why I'm skeptical, I maybe wrong. Maybe he is God sent, maybe he has selfish interest like I suspect.


1st of all he will leave the barracks if he is married. He hates living in the barracks. He absolutely hates it and cant wait to leave. If I Marry him that's a window for him to leave. 2ndly the government pays part if not all of his housing allowance.
3rdly he gets a raise coz now he has someone else to take care of. He cant wait to get me pregnant. My friend who's in the military told be military kids comes with their own benefits too. Like I said this maybe just me thinking crazy. Overall the way he is eager to get married has me thinking. Is this God or just him putting his interest first?


Mind you I don't love him. My mum says I'm too picky that's why I'm still single. I really don't think I am. I believe physical attraction counts. He is short and I do not like short guys. Another turn off is his financial decisionS. He wants us to practically share every bill. I don't have a problem supporting my man but when you make plans and expect me to share the bills, or when you spend money and keep reminding me that you went out of your budget /keep ranting about what you spent bothers me.


For the past 1 month I've been thinking, should I go ahead and file for my papers with Mr A? That would mean at some point I would have to move to his state and perhaps start sleeping with him. That's the only way we can convince the government we are genuinely Married. Oh Lord! the thought of that makes me sick. OR


Divorce him and Marry the second. While he is using me to achieve his goals , id also use him to achieve mine which entails bringing my mum/family over including going to school and have the government pay for my studies. That is part of the benefits I will enjoy as a militarily wife. I don't mind living with him. Maybe he is genuine and I might end up falling in-love. Maybe i'm the selfish one here. Maybe Maybe ,Maybe.... Apart from the financial aspects and the fact that he is short, he is very calm, patient and OMG has a heart for God. What do I do?


My friends would tell me to stay with the first since I can control him, get my papers and follow them round the world. But is that what I really want?. I am 33YEARS OLD. I'm not a child.


If I'm a wicked person please don't hesitate to tell me. Help me please. What should i do? Stay with the first OR proceed with the second and learn to Love him? HELP ME PLEASE. I also need to get my papers so i can have some sanity. Anyone of them can give me papers by the way coz they're citizens.


Thank you for your time and forgive the length of my mail.
Would be glad to read from you. You can put my story out there if necessary.I just don't want my identity known , or maybe we should keep it private since it concerns sensitive info. Help a sister please.


Remain Blessed.

*Please stick with the person you are with now and file for your papers,the other guy will mess you up OK?

Like we Nigerians would say ''Wetin dey for Sokoto,e dey for Sokoto,my sister that bread wey you dey find for America,e dey for Abab''

Good luck and stay Happy