RUN AWAY HUSBAND
Hello Stella kindly post this in chronicle as I need urgent answers before I go crazy.
Dear Lawyers kindly assist,
I’m married to a man traditionally only; I notice some abusive nature in him after marriage, the attitude of not spending for us even when he has the money and also spending all his income without saving for the future even to incurring debt. He has beaten me up few months after I birthed our baby and ever since then it has been one issue to another. How can a first time father be stingy to his child always surprise me, please note he has the money, I still take care of myself like I’m still single. The worse is that hubby knows how to castigate me to public and I’m scared of saying things in his presence because at the end of the day he will twist it to his own liking.
The last that broke the camel back was my hubby siting his mum down to say that I said I hate her up till today I still wonder how and when I said so and the mum going stark naked to lay curse on me and my family to the extent of saying I want to kill her son and take his properties, please ask me which property his mini bedroom flat and the thing we jointly bought together to make the house look good, aside that we don’t have anything. Is it how his siblings keep threatening me at any slightest provocation? He has threatened me with divorce uncountable times and I have pleaded with him to do the needful as am very tired all to no avail.
He has taken me to human right to dissolve the marriage but he was told to get me an apartment and provide certain amount for the upkeep of his child ,he ran away, he has taken me to my family that he is no longer interested in the marriage ,oya come and do the needful he also ran away. As I’m typing this I’m in dilemma as he has left me in the house with our child and travelled to where I don’t know although he claimed he has been transferred to another state but not disclosing his present location.
I’m not scared of taking care of my baby as I’m very capable by the Grace of God but my questions are;
· Should I pack my things and move back to my family house as my people are insisting?
· How do I go about to sue him as the human right people are giving me the impression that he reported first so therefore they will protect him.
· I have made up my mind of divorcing him cos I can’t stand the humiliation again but we were on the verge of doing court wedding before he cancelled it and said to my face thank God he has not legally married me.
· Should I continue to stay in our house waiting for him to come back only God knows when?
· How do I protect my child as he always saying he will take my child from me please note baby goes to crèche?
· How can I disentangle myself from this marriage and move on because in igbo culture if the bride price has not been returned I’m still married to him traditionally.
Best Regards.
*Na wah!how long was this Marriage?you guys were in love before you married or was it arranged?....well his moving out indicates he has left the Marriage...if you want a fresh start then move to another apartment but do not move back home.
I noticed contradictions here;
ReplyDelete"He has the money . . . he spends all and goes into debts . . ."
Which is it?
Women and jumping into conclusions like Olympic divers!
Sincerely poster,just tell us in the comment section what triggered the fights and accusations cos you can't be 100% not faulty somehow somewhere so advice can be given without been biased. "Waiting for your reply"
DeleteWhat is the contradictions there?read to understand first before commenting..The man obviously has money so people won't think he's broke but he spends the money on irrelevant things or maybe just things concerning him and den goes broke and borrows..Just like men who love to gamble,they don't mind going into debts from gambling
Delete@16:56
DeleteYou definitely did not understand that chronicle. What the first anonymous
quoted was what she wrote; it is contradictory. Someone that goes into debts
often cannot be said to "have money". What he has is an obsessive compulsive disorder
to spend. He needs psychotherapy.
No need beating around the bush, Madam! Though I got here late, my advice is- leave the house ( continuing to stay there can be construed to mean you still want him to ‘find you’ and continue the marriage
Deleteget your family to return the bride price - marriage is automatically dissolved traditionally and for all intents and purposes.
Make up your mind, pack your things and move on!!!
Nite- if his family refuses to collect the bride price, you can return it to the village council. That’s the beauty of traditional marriages. No long thing. And he doesn’t need to be present!
Lmao! He was clearly not ready for marriage!
DeleteLike really?
ReplyDeleteSo poster is claiming innocent in all these?..
ReplyDeleteYou have not told us what you did to your husband that made him turn to a demon!...
If he is that bad like you claimed,what are you still doing in his house?...
Abeg go and apologize to your husband and inlaws and make your marriage work!...
Work on your attitude and change!...
With all the things I have seen recently,i will stop judging a one sided story especially in marriages!...
Some women are terrible!!...
You have spoken well you this occasional mad woman. I am impressed by this your honesty.
DeleteDon't mind the fake witch poster! She's looking for more devious and evil ways to compound the young man's misery.
PS. Ignore my banter.
Wooow, is this real Queen and boss true handwriting? Whattapund to knacking pigeon on his head. Smh
DeleteNicely said dear.
DeleteAll I know is somebody hacked Queen n Boss's account. It is well sha
DeleteI'm sure T.B Joshua has finally deliver this queen. I knew it when she went MIA that she's going through a change.
DeleteLinda Eze repented and went on a personal retreat and repented again
DeletePlease Lord of heaven, may this her repentance last; in Jesus name
Amen!
She did not ask for advice on how to make the marriage work. She wants to move on without entanglements...stop telling women to stay and die in marriages. There’s even DV and all sorts of interference here. Madam move on for your peace of mind!
Delete"the siblings . . . at slightest provocation?"
ReplyDeleteSo you provoke them "slightly?"
You sound like a very troublesome woman who is so good at turning the table in a one sided story.
Jumping out of the marriage is not a solution. It is not more peaceful in the other side. Humble yourself and seek peace with him.
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.
ReplyDeleteProverbs 21:19
Hmmmmmmm. Its like an old man climbing a sandy hill.
DeleteYou are a very terrible person.
ReplyDeleteYou want to frustrate him to early grave trutru that's why he ran away to breathe fresh air.
God has vindicated him and will continue to do so.
Evil witch.
Chaii you sound so harsh ooh. @evil witch.
DeleteYou are the terrible one. Didn't u read that he beats her
DeleteThis miyake coward,u think being an idiot will get u blog porpularity
DeleteAll this tori for what?
ReplyDeleteWhy you no wan tell us say
another man dey price ya market?
Get another apartment and move out or stay in your parent's place till you are financially capable of getting a house.
ReplyDeleteGo to welfare in your state and open a file for him, claiming maintenance of your child and serve the documents to his family, let them inform him, that will scare him from coming for the baby since matter is already documented and he could get arrested for abandonment of his child.
While at it, let your parents return your bride price, he doesn't need to be present for that to be done. Dust yourself and move on, there's a lot more out there to tie yourself to a confused that doesn't even want you any longer. All the best.
While at it too ehn, try to get a blog ID so that the thunder that I will be sending after you and your demonic advice can have address!
DeleteIdiot anonymouses like you that turned this chronicles comment section into database for doomed advice, hence ignoramus like the poster thinks by sprinkling a little domestic violence tale around the fabu, she too will gather enough fellow haters sympathizers.
Domestic violence encompasses physical, what Cee-C did to Tobi qualifies for DV but I am also sure your sorry ass life didn't know!!
Miyake what is up with you? Na your wife?
DeleteWhat has blog I’d got to do with it? Are you less anonymous cos of the blog Id? Who here knows who you are? The presumption that you aren’t anonymous cos you have a blog Id is an indication of your intelligence...
DeleteThis is so serious! What really could have gone wrong to this extend? Poster if every means had failed, then walking away too could be the only solution left at the moment.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you not telling us? Women and their lies! Yes, i am a woman. I will rather trust a man with my life than another women. Women are liars, betrayers, devilish, envious, wicked. They write sob stories as if they are always the victims. When their manipulations and evil backfire, they start looking for who to pity them. Fear women! Liars!
ReplyDeleteDoes it also means women are instigator of domestic violence?
DeleteHello Sir, how market? Lol. You’re not only a man anon 15:22 but an extremely miserable on too. Woman my arse!! Only God knows what happened to you, you obviously have anger issues amongst other things. Better go seek professional help before you become a statistic too.
DeleteMmmm, u are thinking of waiting for him to comeback? U never talk wetin u do this man...u are even sounding confused.
ReplyDeleteThere are two sides to a coin. What did the man see, that he's running away in broad day light? A toad does not run in daytime for nothing...
ReplyDeleteI think most chronicles aren't complete, often times those who post always place themselves are the pitiable angle. The essence of chronicle is to bare it all so that people can channel properly their advice to you. If it means to caution you as the one at fault, then you will pick up the lessons. One doesn't tell lies to his or her doctor about their health, neither do you do same to your lawyers for it end up frustrating you the more.
Deletehe saw her other side...
DeleteThe man run leave go hide, even lie that hes out of town, so she wouldnt know his whereabout & come give him some more heat, imagine leaving your 1st born behind.. in his next life if he hears the word marriage, he'd prefer to be gay
You guys are also being too hard on poster, she could be telling the truth.
DeleteHmmm.... when it comes to matters like this, there are always three sides to a story, her side, his side and the truth.
ReplyDeleteNow, I wonder. Do you guys court before getting married? Did you notice any abnormal behaviour and yet you still went ahead hoping that he will change?
What about your attitude? Are you sure you have told us everything there is to this story? Are you absolving yourself of any blame in all of these?
The solution to all of these lie within you. I am sure you know what to do but just need to hear from other people to reassure you that you are making the right decisions.
I sincerely hope that you sort yourself out quickly from the mess you are in. All the best
Madam traditional marriage na marriage too o. I
ReplyDeleteStay there. As long as he has left, stay there and live your life. Don't return to your parents house. He can go back to Mama nakedness and live with her. They've destroyed his marriage, hope they're happy
ReplyDeleteyou think his mother will do such act without seeing things herself? she cant cursr her based on hearsay or sidetalk...
DeleteYoure already taking sides.
Rubbish what mother in her right senses will curse her son's wife and the family
DeleteEven if the wife offended her must she add her family to it. Useless people. Won't sit in their own house. Going round destroying young marriages. What does her son have that someone will marry him for wealth.
See the way you are talking about someone's mother in law? Does this seem right to you? If she went ahead to swear for the woman ans family, how does that concern you? Do you have to partake. No one said you should come here and insult her and her family. Give advice is what is demanded of you.
DeleteYes it seems very right. Marriage destroyers. Some women never had any Joy from their husbands and they won't let their Dil know peace. Her son is beating up his wife and she's here talking about you want my son's property. Where is the property sef. Like mother like son. Just focus on your child. Dress up look good and find another man. In the eyes of the law, you're not married anyway. He can take his bride price back whenever he wants
DeleteI have seen when men lie against their wives in broad daylight. So poster could be telling the truth.
DeleteHonestly speaking this seems far fetched from the truth. Why would ur husband call off the court wedding and say thank God he didn't marry you legally?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, marriage is not by force. Since he has insisted on not being married to you anymore then quietly and peacefully move out, no need to make any more trouble. Get your family to get the pride price and get a good lawyer to ensure he pays child support. Good luck on all future endeavors, wishing you and your baby the very best as you move ahead in life
Thought but you said he has the money
ReplyDeleteSo how come you sating in the next paragraph that theres no reasonable property and you in a mini flat
I hope you were frustrating the man with your demands that he now got fed up and ran away from you
Sit down, realise your Cee C in you, change and go and ask for reconciliation
And when he comes back, stop with the money is not the issue, he spends and gets indebted...all talk, the man is just managing, if you cant manage with him without nagging then leave him alone
Don't be foolish. He has enough to care for his child that doesn't mean he has good money or property. He should care for them according to his means
DeleteShe is complaining of his stinginess. Men if you want your wife to bless you, and you want God to bless you, don't be stingy towards your wife.
DeleteGbammest @Anon 16:38. Money to chop and property na the same thing?
DeleteI don't understand why everyone is jumping down this lady's throat. While it is good to take a balanced view, picking holes in her story trying to catch her out is not helping. Regardless of who is good or bad, she has been abandoned and has a baby. She also stated that she is capable of looking after herself and her child. Madam, get an apartment somewhere and look after your child. Get your people to return the bride price so you can be free. Work on yourself and don't rush into another relationship until you know yourself and the man well.
ReplyDeleteI tire o.
DeleteThank you. They are doing what they are accusing her of doing. Saying she is laying all the blame on her horseband, yet they are laying all the blame on her.
DeleteI think for chronicles we can judge a situation based on what is written until new evidence pops up.
DeleteKiikikii
ReplyDeletehe has left the marriage, you too leave but don't go to your family's house
ReplyDeleteHmm. Years ago something similar happened to me. My ex packed his things and moved out after months of abuse. I was 5 months pregnant at the time. The lies he heaped on my head were so bad even I began to doubt myself. Even some members of my family believed him. To make things worse, I lost the child. Despite everything I just kept quiet and trusted God. Less than two years later the truth came out. How he cleared our accounts of all my money. How he committed bigamy. He even committed fraud sef with some Russians who wanted to kill hi,. Long and short is that 4 marriages later, no woman is with him. He destroys everything he touches. Children all over the place. What I am trying to say is that the truth always comes out. Pack out and get a place and look after your child. God will see you through.
ReplyDeleteI bless the Name of God on your behalf!!!
DeleteYour husband seems like the type who talks from both sides of his mouth. I know ppl like this, they are see-saw ppl, one minute they are this way next minute they are that. You have stated that he has beaten you up already, but so many here are still looking to blame you. My dear, once a relationship goes violent it is broken beyond repair, even the woman who pushes through to keep it going is never the same again.
ReplyDeleteGo to a woman focused NGO and let them know your situation. They will be able to assist you and provide you with the next best step to take. Even though he has traveled, have he not taken your calls to let you know if he is returning? Or maybe you have not communicated since. Did he pack all his things? Since he already tarnished your name with his family, and his mother reacted like a bush woman there is nothing to salvage here. It is quite possible him bringing your name to his mother was his final act of revenge because he knew how she would react. He has no desire to contribute to the upkeep of the child. There is no love in this union. Why would you marry into a loveless union? Why are so many women not doing the necessary work to ensure they make the best choice possible? Many of you need to go buy dating books and join groups, you need to be more of an active participant in your dating life. Too many of you are courting brainlessly then feeling the pain after marriage. You have to delve deep into the soul and character of the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with.
Poster, this marriage is dead on arrival. Chalk it up to a learning experience experience and move on. Go get the help you need to figure out how to proceed. Unfortunately, I am not able to tell you what steps to take in Nigeria as I am unfamiliar with the family law process their. I wish you and the baby all the best.
This one tire me, I pray lord fix your marriage
ReplyDeleteWondering why a man will drag his wife to human rights court and your mother in law curse you while naked? I'm sniffing something else jor. Poster lay it bare abeg
ReplyDeleteWas he that bad before you guys got married? I'm asking because in all your write up,you sounded innocent more like an angel and your husband a devil.
ReplyDeleteThere are 3 sides to a story,yours,his and the truth. All is well though
Abeg don't leave the house yet, he would come back. My opinion though
ReplyDeleteWhere do i start from. I almost mistook you for my ex neighbor, but in her case just like the comments of the BVS smelling a rat in your story they would have been right. The only differences in the stories is the tribes, they had the 3 types of marriages plus i think she should have 2 kids by now. Indeed beauty can be vain, she was very beautiful but a cantankerous wife, very ill tempered, violent, never contempted with what her husband could afford unforgiving, malice queen and more. She was the kind of wife i can never wish on any man above all never heeding to advice or correction. She made her husband loose his job by calling his office and insulting his boss, 3 days after their wedding there was a fight husband was fleeing to his car with her in hot chase, he bashed his car on a piller in the building and hit his chest on the steering wheel and collapse, she once slapped his glasses it broke into his eyes, she once plugged a pressing iron in attempt to burn him with it, she threw a stool at him one time, poured hot water on him, took a knife to stab him all this and more in 2 years to the full glare of all us neighbors because of their public fights. She was very disrespectful to her in-laws, was from a poor home ooo but to her husband she does not drink tap water. What are my saying i saw a little bit of her in your story and yes her husband finally ran away from home. She had once taken the man to a court asking them to dissolve their marriage. Her In-laws finally came and threw her out. It took her 7 months of begging, for her husband to take her back i pray they are doing ok now. Y my narration i hope you are nothing as described above cos not until i saw that marriage i did not believe men suffered domestic violence cos she was the one always crying wolf mean while was the main aggressor. I even always asked my husband to go intervene each time the man managed to throw her out and stopped greeting the man until i heard from neighbors who knew them before us and i began to observe for myself she was beyond evil. Now look at my story if you see yourself in it. Go home back to your family go and think of your life and see if you were in the wrong or right if you are go and make peace with your man. I am divorced by the way and it is no beans or by choice it is just something that had to be done cos it was the right thing to do. If you are in the wrong and u r lying go and make amends and if all you wrote up there is through tor! Let your family return your bride price and you move out with your baby for your own sanity.
ReplyDeleteThis story doesn’t sound complete. Maybe you should update it, so that you can get proper advise.
ReplyDeletePoster don't mind those asking for more stories when there's none
ReplyDelete1, Leave the house and return to your parents house or rent another since you can afford it.
2, Let your parent return the bride price to his swearing mother, if they refuse to collect it, take it to any welfare and they will call him to come collect it.
3, Go to another welfare and report the case and let it be documented so he won't tk ur child since your working, I am sure they will give you custody and make him pay child support.
Don't let anyone make you feel your bad or all that happened is your fault.
Men like your husband are evil, they like to blame others for their misfortune.
Talking about human right. Please BVs how do I get one to help get ex hubby take over the responsibility of our 3kids?
ReplyDeleteIt's been three years we separated and he sent us 5k twice, 10k once and that was all. Whenever i ask for money for upkeep He'd ask me to send the kids over to him and his side chick that they can take care of them. Somebody help me! I've been dying in silence and don't know how to go about it. Taking care of 3 kids all alone with a salary of 48k isnt easy. Everything is choking me! it's a long story I intend sending someday but at the moment it's as if the world is crumbling on me. Ladies never marry a man who has no job,never hustle with him! NEVER ALLOW ANY PASTOR/PROPHET BLACKMAIL YOU INTO MARRYING A JOBLESS MAN!
Woman learn how to love and respect yourself,there is king outside that Will treat you as queen.I left my useless first man,got married to real Man with capital letter M,a Man that gave my life direction
ReplyDeleteSince its traditional marriage your people can just return his bride price if you are truly tired and then you move out and move on. What brought you guys to this point is none of my concern.
ReplyDeleteMadam is obvious you are not telling us the truth ..... hope is not a case of tobi and cee c. ...... "How do I go about to sue him as the human right people are giving me the impression that he reported first so therefore they will protect him." With all you have narrated, I find it difficult to believe.
ReplyDeleteAs in, is she a Ceecee wife? I wonder
DeleteAll you guyz talking down on the poster are very mean. Have u already heard from the husband? Why are u accusing an already broken person, why do u choose to make her feel worse. Even if she's painting the story in her favor, it doesn't take away her current feelings. Madam bk to u, it's been obvious that this man isn't interested anymore then why stay Tull this time??? Do u want to be killed before you leave? Please leave that house immediately for ur sanity with or without returning bride price and like someone said get it documented for the sake of ur child.
ReplyDeleteAll of u that go for only trad marriage.. Hmmm I'm not saying it's bad o but when the chips are down trad marriage won't fight for you, that's the prob.. My advice to ladies is to insist on legal backings to ur marriage. It doesn't have to be celebrated. I and my husband just branched at a court from a trip sef, got witnesses and that was it..
No no o stay there and wait enh. We will read ur chronicles of still waiting in 10 yrs time. Mscheeew. Honestly sometimes I think people just want to write to a blog. The thing is there in black and white yet u r still waiting for who will guide u. Happy waiting enh!! Waiter!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry poster for all you are going through. Just calm your mind and pray for forgiveness for any thing you might have done wrong. Quietly go with your people, return the bride price and move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteYou may give it a few months (3-4) before you take this step. While waiting, pray to God to give you direction. But from everything I've read, this marriage is over! This man is nowhere ready for marriage and needs to mature otherwise he can never make a good husband to any woman. It's clear you married into a bad family. But take it as a learning experience inugo?? Thank God you are able to provide for your child.
Don't let this break you. You will be stronger and better in future. O ga dimma!
Ps before you make any marriage decision in future, commit it to God and seek His direction while keeping your heart and hands pure.
Goodluck
Thank you. I just saw this now *Tear*
Delete