Marriage Diaries

We want to share what some women go through in marriages but can't share with people around them because of certain reasons...it is a closed door but this  might help you find closure knowing you are not alone...This is the pilot series from Ari and I am yet to approve it...lets see how this goes.....

This is not a Chronicle....

My name is Aridunnu(not real names).I am from the South western parts of Nigeria. I am 26 years old and I have been married for a year and some months.
I grew up without the love of a mother. I was raised by someone else (maternal grandmother) where we have other cousins and nephews staying as well.
My Father does not stay with us. job takes him to different places from time to time. He is the type of Man who will come and impregnate his wife, sends regular and consistent upkeep money even in his absence.

 He is dedicated to the financial well being of his family. As well as their health. But emotionally he was VERY ABSENT,(He grew up as an orphan and has that sense of everybody can survive on their own).

My mum can be described as a 21st century mum(lol). Her constant phrase is "before my children eat 20, I must have eaten 30". Its a Yoruba proverb that I just translated the way in understand it. But it means something like Myself before my children.

My mum invests in clothes that are in vogue, jeweleries, attending parties etc. She has no car or landed property to her name. She is someone that Yoruba's call" Afani Adugbo". It means she is good to outsiders, she thrives on how they praise her and acknowledge her presence. She loves money. It does not matter the source.

I am a complete opposite, am an introvert but not boring. On days that I want to socialise, I do it very well and am also somehow religious. I have the fear of God so much but not to the extent of not wearing trousers, weaves or earrings.
We do not really get along course of our differences with stuffs and she can be very manipulative.You must please her always to be in her good books.

When I met my husband, then fiance, she didn't like him because he was the type of man that didn't socialise, he does not drink nor smoke. According to her not exposed.He is too gentle and does not have enough money.

But because I had received confirmation through my dream, and somehow convinced that he was mine. I was ready to go along with it. She was also told in church(she attends white garment that he is good for me. Though there is a clause to that. The clause is that I will meet someone better during my Service year. I never did. I met only married and complete useless guys. She believed a richer person will come). 

She didn't allow him get close to her but he and my dad got along so well. He also got along with my granny and siblings.
We planned the wedding. We courted the Christian way. We stayed off gbenshing and other stuffs. But we constantly communicate. We talked about everything on phone.(Though sometimes he has to be pushed but when I did, he was willing to share.

He is very caring too. He is the type of man that will be at the market and see something I would like and buy it, not material things o. Not something like cloths o. But he can use food to kill you lol. As in buy shawarma, buy packed foods from eateries. Ice cream etc.
But when it comes to cloths or jeweleries. Oga na Ijebu. Oga will insist on Aba made to Italian. All na cloths. Na to cover nakedness.

But Ibon the other hand, can go hungry to buy the latest thing in vogue. I might have just 5 cloths o, buy you can take it to the bank that they are expensive, trendy and of very good quality and standard.
I didn't mind. I was working. Anything Oga give me, I will add my money to buy what pleases me.
Yes we talked about everything from what foreplay we will have, to gbenshing positions. I was not naive about s§x. Though I was a virgin but he became celibate because of me. (My rules).

He was always talking about me sucking his deek. And anytime he mentioned it I would say I can't do it. I also told him that if it was going to be a problem after marriage, that we could stop dating.
I remember also asking him that if the s§x wasn't good, will it stop him from being faithful. His answer was No.(I still have proofs of this discussion in my Facebook messages).

I GOT MARRIED FOR LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP. (I was able to confide a lot in him. I needed to be loved.He was my friend,nobody has ever shown me love the way he did).But unknown to me, His Love was connected to Sexual satisfaction.
NOTE

Yes I dreamt that he was the right Man.I am a dreamer. And my dreams constantly come into reality. But when God gives you something, you are supposed to make it work for you. For example, if you pray for a job, and you got one, you are supposed to work hard at the job for promotions etc. 

It is also the same with when God reveals to you that an individual is your life partner, he will not come completely made. You still need to change, bend, sharpen some things about him or her.
That was my mistake and the beginning of my chronicles.
Fast forward to after marriage, when the hymen has been broken, we gbenshed every day, sometimes thrice in a day. But there was a problem........

The gbenshing was very painful and not pleasurable too unlike what I had read in novels (am a big fan of romance).
Oga no wan understand that o. Something he had waited for. We dated for 27months.
During my abstinence days, I used to masturbate(I no be the original fargin lol).Most times while reading novels. I fingered myself. I usually reach orgasm when he fingers me too but not when he penetrates with his penis. I like midnight gbenshing.
Also I like it when it's dark, like the light turned off while dear husband loves light. It must be shiny bright. He likes to see all the sex organs in 3 D. It turns him on. Also he is a morning, afternoon and evening type.(He does not joke with sleep).

However, while hubby was a bachelor, he had become a porn addict. (Unknown to me,I got to know after marriage)He loves all this type of tying hands, using force,gbenshing the shit hole, very awkward gbenshing positions etc.)

NOTE.
I have never denied him gbenshing at any time even though I was not enjoying it. It showed in my body language. But I denied him of sucking his Deek(bad hygeine on his part,and the shit hole fucking, I'm still young to have cancer or be leaking urine or poo.lol).

A month after marriage I conceived.
The sex reduced then, pregnancy complications till after birth.

Problem 2
I was working before marriage.I was neither a company or contract staff. I simply hanged with the company. I claimed to be an intern but i got paid on the field. (Its unethical).But it was a job that your payment was determined by performance. I was really lacking for months due to tiredness. Hubby was tired of giving me transport fare so I had to quit. 

In my mind, I would be able to look for a proper employment. I became full housewife with little side hustles.
We started having flimsy quarrels, oga was not satisfied sexually and all ginancisl obligations arebon his head.He had to let it out somewhere. So he became temperamental around the house. Very little thing ticks oga off.

NOTE.
I did not collect house allowance when I was working. What I did was buy foodstuffs, provisions and other things needed with my money. When I get home I inflated the price and hubby gives me back my money plus the added non existent money. 

Our house is.located far from any market. If you buy things around is much more expensive. Its like twice or thrice the normal money. So when I stopped working, hubby offered to get them while coming back from work, it was more economical.

That meant I had no money coming from stocking the house again.
While at home, I volunteered at a public primary school and taught them for free. (At least do something good for someone).
Then one night..............

If you begin to understand what this diary is about you can send in your entries..............Ari as you were saying!