Saturday In House Gists...

Saturday in house gists...three hilarious entries......LMAO!

Last Sunday's winner will be credited today because she only sent her account details this morning....and SDK is busy right now!..lol

GIST 1

BEANS WAHALA

During lunch at work last week, I ate a plate of beans later took Moi Moi with salad (which I know I shouldn't have) my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightfully : "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight. "‎ he then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang, he made me promise not to remove the blindfold until he returns and went to answer the call. 

The beans I had consumed was still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room, I seized the opportunity. shifted my weight to one leg and let one go . It wasn't only loud but it smelled like a fertiliser truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage  dump! I took my napkin from my laps and fan the air around me vigorously. Then shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stench was more than cooked garbage .

Keeping my ears carefully turned to the conversation in the other room. I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my laps and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. 

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked if I have peeped through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and I saw about twelve dinner guests seated around the table which were my hubby's friends and my *in-laws* with their hands to their noses, I felt very small and ashamed......... 

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GIST 2

MESSER TAKEN ON A DATE

I am business woman and most times I get to work anywhere as long as my laptop is with me.

On this particular day,I went to one bar in Ikeja. I noticed a lot of rich and handsome men were around and seeing I am still single na, I been dey form oyinbo. I brought out my laptop and my wifi, plugged it and started working. I brought out my glasses dey form miss independent. Really I had work to do. I ordered a plate of plantain and egg with bottle water...as par sey I no fit dey eat eba dey work. Some minutes later, I noticed my stomach was making some funny noise. I release 1st mess. The smell na die. I wan faint...but nobody notice na. 

People no plenty for inside the bar. I continue dey work. I release second mess... this one smell pass the 1st one. I look up...nobody notice. The smell tey for my side small. I continue dey work.  As I dey release the 3rd one, I notice sey one brother dey come reach my side. How I go stop the mess? the thing don dey smell... Jesus. And the brother fine. 

Tall, dark and handsome thing... he con get muscle and beards. Stella I wanted to faint. I begin suck air for mouth o... dey fan myself...dey blow air. As the brother reach my side bend down talk hi, the smell slap am for face. I notice hin reaction change and he quiet. The brother look me eyeball to eyeball, smile, con walk away. Na then i no sey my village people follow me reach Lagos. 

He con come back like 5 minutes later talk sey 'hi I've been looking at you since... my name is ....'.

I am typing this right now cos I am on a date with him and he just told me he was embarrassed for me that's why he walked out.....

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GIST 3

FALLING MUGU IN A BUS

Last week, my friend and l travelled to Cross River for a wedding. On our way, a Cameroonian lady sat next to my friend. The lady was very friendly, she was telling my friend about Cameroun, and she said she came to Abuja to apply for Malaysia visa. 

After sometime, she called a friend, and asked him when is he depositing the 20,000? After the call, she asked my friend which of the banks, she banks with, and my friend said, First Bank, she asked me, and l said, Zenith Bank.  She said, the guy, can only deposit the money in Skye Bank, I asked her if the guy can do online transfer, so that he can transfer the money to my friend’s account and my friend will withdraw the money and give her,  she said the guy is an illiterate, that he can’t do online transfer  and I said, the guy can keep the money, anytime, she comes to Nigeria, she will collect it, she said, No, she is not coming to Nigeria, anytime soon, that she is traveling to Malaysia in two days and she needed the money to cross the border. 

She said that the Nigerian guy that took her around Abuja has Skye Bank account, that he will ask his friend to deposit the money in the guy’s account. She sent the guy’s account to the friend and after 30 minutes, she answered a call and said, his friend had deposited the money. 

So she asked my friend to give her 5,000, that the Nigerian guy that the money was deposited in his account will credit her account with 10,000 the following day and the guy will take the remaining 10,000. She said all she needed is the money to cross the border. My friend gave her account number and 5,000. She gave my friend, her numbers and the number of the guy that will credit her account the following day.

 The guy even called my friend to assured her that he will credit her account. My friend’s account was not credited, we called the guy’s number, it was switched off, we called the Cameroonian’s lady number, it was switched off, and that was how my friend lost 5,000.Till today her account has not been credited.