STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
IMPENDING SEPARATION FROM WIFEY AND WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS....
Hello Stella. I stumbled on your blog as I was going through my wife's phone about a year ago. And ever since then I visit from time to time.
I am about to get separated from my wife and this is why I am sending in this chronicles.
As a Christian, I have loved my wife with a loyal and self-sacrificing love as I vowed to do and as admonished in the Bible at Ephesians 5:25-30.
Unfortunately, she just can not respect me, let alone be in subjection or have deep respect for me as directed by the Bible at the same Ephesians 5:22-24 & 33.
Please kindly read these scriptures to get the scriptural perspective from which I view marriage and upon which I base my expectations.
Rather than respect me, my wife demeans me verbally and emotionally repeatedly, subjecting me to scornful, contemptuous verbal confrontation and insulting yelling which are all her form of emotional manipulation to always get her way in EVERYTHING.
Her behaviour has severely damaged me psychologically, not to mention economically and emotionally.
I have no basis to keep hoping that her malicious lying, never ending quarrelling, extreme disrespect and emotional bullying will ever end. To the contrary, I have watched with growing frustration as her lying and manipulations gets deadlier, ESPECIALLY when I call in matured Christian men for help.
Indeed, I have frequently turned to the Christian Elders for help with our issues. But she lies and misrepresent facts, throws tantrums and even sobs at such occasions leaving the elders taking her side and as the result unable to provide any effective counsel.
I have often applied the counsel offered to forgive freely, even if I had a cause for complaint against her. (Colossians 3:13).
But to my sadness, my wife does not even acknowledge her wrongs, let alone repent of them to avoid repeating them. Instead, if I ever dared to bring up my hurt, I get a yelling reprimand or a painful sms message laced with venom.
This is how we have lived since 2006. No children, no money - just sinking deeper into the negatives.
The Bible does not support divorce unless on grounds of adultery and fornication, and the Christian elders told us that the Church can not find enough grounds to support my decision to separate. Nonetheless, they also pointed out they can not stop me from doing as I wish since its only God who knows exactly what has been happening in our marriage.
I implore you Stella and bvs to advice if my decision to separate is reasonable.
Hmmm.....honestly,truly lost for words.please forgive me for opting out of commenting whilst i read comments.
I plead the 6th mate
ReplyDeleteJust negodu
Stella, permission denied. Exit doors closed. Rogger in with ur blue Biro for the poster eh
DeletePoster, this is manipulation of the highest regards. Some people can not just accept their fault because pride won't let them. I am sorry could heal this I am just the wife won't swallow her ego to let peace reign.
DeleteHmmm I might be wrong still. Google bookso how to handle manipulative spouses. Talk to God n go for what u want. Forget church members dictates.
I think you should work on your finances n child bearing which will definitely repair other wounds. It could help right other wrongs.
The truth is this is not enough ground though it could be frustrating
Poster, this is manipulation of the highest regards. Some people can not just accept their fault because pride won't let them. I am sorry could heal this I am just the wife won't swallow her ego to let peace reign.
DeleteHmmm I might be wrong still. Google bookso how to handle manipulative spouses. Talk to God n go for what u want. Forget church members dictates.
I think you should work on your finances n child bearing which will definitely repair other wounds. It could help right other wrongs.
The truth is this is not enough ground though it could be frustrating
Poster : u have told d complete story. Does she just shout, abuse and disrespect u for no reasons? Mbanu, she isn't made ni. Do u carry out your duties as the head of d family as expected? R u d reason for the not having children (even though God gives children)? I have an uncle who is so lazy that he does nothing at home. He lost his job few yrs into their marriage and since then has refused to look for anything to do. The wife does everything at home with the little money she makes from selling provisions including d children's sch fees which dey didn't start having until after like 7yrs.hw just sits at home, eat and watch TV and den go out to bars to drink with money stolen from d wife. Did I mention he beats the wife if she ever complains? Now d children r growing and hating the man. They even talk to him any how. Tomorrow, he will come out and cry being disrespected and abused verbally.
DeletePoster as a christian what I am about to say sounds ridiculous even to my own ears but pls can you get down from the bible,return to earth and deal with whatever issue you have in your home.
DeleteAll you described are features of a down trodden frustrated woman and the reason isn't far fetched.
Finance is priority in marriage, a lot of men need to know that. If you can barely support yourself let alone another individual with needs and children to crown it, you have no business looking at a woman let alone falling in love. Remember the bible calls such a man an infidel.
Forget about your separation plans and try this one route. Get engaged with bettering your financial state. Ignore her rantings and chase money like it's the air you breathe and watch peace return to your home.
Only few women can function correctly without financial stability. Even i,does not posses such virtue.
Pls is sdimokorkus@gmail.com not the correct email address to send chronicles and ihn to? I have sent mine upto 10times and none has been posted. Please someone should help me with the correct one if that isn't
DeleteStella,don't know if i should call you sexist.
DeleteYou pleading the 5th on this cos it's a man. If it were a lady you(that time your ink go full to erite plenty) and some bvs wld have told her to pack her bags and run. This is a case of emotional voilence,men suffer it too.
Poster poverty and frustration is the causer of your wife's attitude towards you.
Pray make Oluwa show you mercy and bless your hustle.
Btw,if you are innocent in this seprate from her for a while,perhaps she wl have a rethink. You need an encouraging wife....not one who makes life a living hell.
SHantelle
Poster one as we advice women here,pls b patient. Fast and pray God will intervane.
DeleteI'm sure she was a Christian sister,some can pretend for Africa. I just pity U,U married a knife.and she is an abuser.have U gone for counselling by professionals and not pastor. Pls try that. If that fails pls leave that manner less woman and look for one who will regonise U as her hubby. Better still how is ur finances,it's some women who are breadwinners that do this as well.if this is the case oga U are suffering from see finish syndrome
Write*
Deleteseperate*
Anonymous it's Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
DeleteI beg poster there is more to this story. So u r so good and she is so bad. Na lie. I'm sure u r a layabout or uve done something wicked to her. Pls search ur self. In fact leave her already let her move on with life. U sound like a liability
DeletePoster are you sure you are saying it all? Do you perform your manly duties? Though there's no excuse to a woman disrespecting a man and no excuse for a man disrespecting a woman also but hope you don't have a hidden fault? If you're good and all and she is that way then I think you should just leave her for a while and see how things go.
Delete@shantella
DeleteGod bless u jor. Stella be taking sides of women since time immemorial. If men start to write chronicles, una go faint at what we pass through. even that anon post, u cld see d lot of evils women hv done to men. Stella since ur booboo is apc, follow him and change ooo
They are Jehovah's witnesses.
DeleteYay, chronicles don land...... Oya make we read and give advise.
ReplyDeleteIt's simple,you are broke that's why! No woman will respect a broke ass. U can only try for a while...! Being broke breeds contempt!
DeleteDear Poster: You seem like a nice man who wants his wife to change and also you seem like a God fearing and abiding kinda of guy, but what I have learned or learnt from previous chronicles is that we need to here the other persons view or reason why she does all these. And since you said she reads this blog, I hope she would know who sent this is in and send her reply/reasons she behaves like that...... P: S not saying you painted the story to favour you oh.
DeleteNo money?
Deleteno children?
She is frustrated!
Go your separate ways!
Jovita u re smart and intelligent! Broke ass!
DeleteIs a woman not supposed to bring happiness to her home? And other forms of blessings? Please, a guy being a broke ass is no excuse to frustrate him!!! Don't even say that
DeleteMy elder sister married her husband immediately after his Business crumbled in 2006. He had NOTHING. Infact, she covered up for most of his incompetencies during the wedding. She never nagged him or complained, she never insulted him. God blessed them with kids too. And she was the working spouse earning over 500k as at 2008/2009 when her hubby was still finding his feet.
Today, you can't talk when he's talking. All the people who abused her for respecting a broke husband have been put to multiple shame. She kukuma resign begin start her own business which he gave her capital for.
Her husband calls her 'my pillar' in his language. Because he said if not for the peace and prayers she gave to him, his life would have been worse .
What's my point? Didn't she know he was broke before they married? So why is she frustrating the man? Her prayers and support can change their situation. They are even still seeking for the fruit of the womb and that hasn't made her calm. No, that's bad.
Poster, if what you're saying is true then I must tell you I know what you're going thru. I know girls with This character even as single girls, and I feel sorry for the men who will marry them. If you're so spiritual, why don't you ask God for wisdom to handle this issue? Or are you just being religious? Speak to God to give you direction on the way forward.
Chronicles
ReplyDeleteAm sure he's d one who can't impregnate his wife, else he'd have sent her packn a long time ago and brought in in anoda woman. And he's also broke....hmmmm, Mr man, hw do u expect ur wyf 2 respect u wit all dese comma's? Abeg divorce her so as 2 free her from a miserable life with you.
Delete1) Was she like this before u married her?
Delete2) Look within urself and see if u have any role to play in her attitude towards u, maybe it's something u are doing or not doing...
3)Leave d church elders. It's time u get someone close to ur wife to talk to her and if possible find out why she is doin what she is doing. This person is someone u trust, who knows ur wife very well and someone she can't manipulate. Someone she respects. Her mother for example or a friend, ur friend or hers.
4) Don't give up just yet. Pray for her. In d face of marital problems, divorce sounds like an easy way out but it isn't. Stay back and work out ur marriage. Don't let d devil steal it.
5) I won't suggest separation becos it's not a life threatening matter but sometimes I know this whole scenario can be choking so it's alright if u take a break to pray and clear ur head. Fast while u at it.
Pray for urself and pray for ur wife. God can do all things. Most times u may not get an automatic answer but be sure it will come and it won't be late.
I feel u sir. It's difficult but that's life for u, full of ups and downs. But what do u do when u meet life's challenges like d one u are passing tru now? Give up and choose a sharp way out?
No. Stand and P.U.S.H. ur way tru.
All d best.
Mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
We've not heard the other side
DeleteThose elders are matured experienced men, truth can never be hidden
You really have to hear from the other side
This man appears to have made up his mind,he just want to salve his conscience with solicited supports
When a woman nags d way u have explained here,then,u are broke.
DeleteMake I read comments as usual
ReplyDeletePeople react differently when they are in bad situation,not everybody know how to carry their cross with a smiling face especially when their problems have lingered for so many years,frustration can make people change for the worse,we hear people commiting suicide and doing all kind of things to get out of a situation.its not easy poster I know.years without. Children,money issues and unhappiness can make your wife act the way she is.thank God you are a Christian man,commit everything to God in prayers,instead of looking at the bad side of your wife look at the good sides and pray for the grace to love her cos that's God command to you as a husband,this is just a phase in your marriage and trust me it will pass,God loves you and your wife and His is aware of everything happening.dont give up on God cos God has not given up on you.your night will turn to a glorious morning just hold on to God.God will touch your wife and change her and you should also work on yourself,it takes the two of you to make a happy home.do what you r supposed to do as a husband to your wife and let God do his work
DeleteGood to know
ReplyDeletePls change ur name! U are clearly not her, y use sum1 else name n identity.
DeleteHiannnnnnnn!
ReplyDeleteBrb
ReplyDeleteChro Chro ti DE ooo
ReplyDeleteEnd time chronicles
So men can cry?
DeleteDis is so techie.
Chronicles neva endssssss... Jesus fix it!
ReplyDeleteGod help o!
ReplyDeleteOga are u putting food on d table? Abi u be house husband? Let's start from there first
DeleteHappy new year y'all
ReplyDeleteSame to you hon...
DeleteOga stop all this grammar and park well. You are broke make money and she would respect you. Lazy ass man whining like a cat
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 15:03 shut that stinking gutter you call mouth. He was poor right? Did the wife meet him rich? Even if he was rich and became poor, should it be ground for a woman to disrespect her husband? Most women will see the size of a guy's pocket but they will marry him because they want to be "Mrs Somebody" and will later start misbehaving. If you don't have anything better to say, please keep mute. Anofia!
DeleteTell them Anon. As much as he might be broke, did she meet him rich and he became broke afterwards? So if she met him broke and he's still broke, is that why she should be giving attitude? If you're providing and your husband is lazy then tell him point blank that that's your issue and let him know how to handle it.
DeleteI just hope we won't get a reply that says the exact opposite. So poster, make sure ya saying the truth
If i were you... I would leave the house for her, to go cool off for some days, tell no one your whereabout.
ReplyDeleteI can comment on this so let me drop something.
ReplyDeleteOga, was she like this before you married her? If no, something is wrong somewhere.
This your bible wey you dey quote so too much. If really you're a christian, why not get down on your knees and pray.
Lafresh, the bible he cited is the basic guideline for marriage. If it's not applied no prayer will work. Everything is not prayer. Basic sixth sense is the answer to our prayers.
DeleteI know Nwa Amaka but he's full of too much talk. All this talk na for self pity.
DeleteHe should tell us what he's not doing right cos I believe he didn't marry her this way.
If everything is well then he should pray.
If he wife sends a rejoinder now you will hear a different story
DeleteDisagree I
Delete*the
DeleteLafresh I hope you know that their are women who are feminist to the extent they take it into their marriage??
DeleteMy neighbor just separated from his wife last month as he was also tired of the woman's wahala. She doesn't listen to anything he says, does what she's likes and misbehaved
Pastors intervened, neighbors did but now the have gone separate ways.. She's now sending people to beg him that she is sorry and will change but oga doesn't want
And no he wasn't poor. He was very rich and generous of which she testified too
But she was always saying no, I can't be submissive, I'm no slave, I'm not this, you can't be the head, it's an equal right.. Now she's changing her mouth
Anonymous 17:33 God bless you o. This story you told sounds like that of someone i know too. The man is also very rich but the woman refuse to be the woman o, she prefer to be the head and now the husband is fed up! She will even slap the man and tear his cloth. It is that bad. Women need to know rhe exact reason they are getting married. If you are not the submissove type, you clearly should not have anything to do with marriage. Some peoplw here will always support a story sent in by a woman but will castigate the ones sent in by men. Myopic people litering everywhere.
DeleteThere's more to this story. The woman didn't just change.
Delete10yrs marriage, no child, no money. I guess the man is not working.
I'm not supporting anyone here. But the man is too smooth to be true
Well if d reverse were to be d case, u wud see 'put on your running shoes'.u sound like d victim but I wud like to hear ur wife part of d story.
ReplyDeleteI will go anonymous on this one. It was as if i was reading my parents story except the child part. My mum is exactly that woman you painted there and am scared of becoming my mum in future. The main reason is that my mum has been the bread winner since God knows when. My dad is a very good man but has nothing. This made my mum very disrespectful and antagonistic. Sometimes even try to turn us against our dad but we are no fools. Anytime my dad starts spending and bringing home money my mum will respect him that period eh and even go as far as making food for him. My point is i understand completely what you are going through. That is her nature. You can choose to stay or leave. But trust me what will change her overnight is if u suddenly become wealthy. Those kind of women needs manly wealthy man. Those are the kind of men they respect. Goodluck sir.
DeleteThere are a lot of broken and bitter women.
DeleteSomeone or something happened to them to make them that way.
It is well
This man is either a cheating husband or has a child out der. Toi much bible verses to seek sympathy. Ur wife is frustrated bcs u made her dat way. Ill like to read frm ur wife bfre i conclude
ReplyDeleteI tell you. He's too smooth and I suspect him
Delete1 timothy 2:11 says, a woman shld learn in quietness and full submission, i do not permit a woman to teach or have full authority over a man, she must be silent....
DeleteImagine a nigerian woman being dumb like this, ur husband will use u to play Ludo.
Genesis 3:16 Our loving God said, i will greatly increase ur pain in childbearing, in pains u will gv birth to children, ur desire will be for ur husband and he will rule over u...
Chai, what a loving and merciful God.
Genesis 19 : The story of Lot and his daughters, the stranger called Lot and asked "whr r the men to came to ur house tonight? Bring them out so we can fuck them..... Lot pleaded and said, i have 2 virgin daugters, u can have them and do as u please, but leave these strangers alone pls, cus they're under my protection.... Hahahhahaha....
The bible stories sweet oh i swear.....
Which father will do such???
Fictional bible, just like harry potter.
Please seperate it is obvious she is sleeping around, most shameless married women now sleep around
ReplyDeleteThis man is either a cheating husband or has a child out der. Toi much bible verses to seek sympathy. Ur wife is frustrated bcs u made her dat way. Ill like to read frm ur wife bfre i conclude
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 15:07 you sound daft! You don't know him and you are passing judgement.
DeletePoster,
ReplyDeleteWhat have you done to your wife that made her to be doing those things you mentioned?..
Am very sure you abuse her cos that's what poor men like you do...
Since no child is involved,divorce her joor let her find someone that would love and cherish her...
You really sound stupid right now, you ain't really making anysense, and you know he is the one abusing the wife beause you are the wife abi.mumu with pretty myopic view
DeleteMarine spirit is distrubing u.I jst pity where it will land u..Strange girl
DeleteFor me I don't know what to say cos u didn't make urself clear. Ur allegations are ambiguous. What type of lie? What kind of issues make her to yell n nag?
ReplyDeleteU want die there abi, Stella u are partial oh, if na woman Na u for tell her to wear her running shoe, bros u don't need permission from anybody to save ur self from dis demon u call a wife,if u can't take it anymore plz divorce her, marriage is not a do or die affair, d bible did not say we should be in an abusive relationship either, wait until she poisons u before u wise up, am happy today's chronicle was sent by a man, no be only men sabi mistreat women, kudos to your wife for dealing with u.
ReplyDeleteStella is a feminist.
DeleteOnly knows when to advice women even when they bring in lies as chronicle.. And when it comes to the man, she pleads the 5th.
This is the case where she will tell a woman to run as fast as they can but now she's silent
Oga, you are not in a happy home. Both of you are frustrated. So please separate for now. If things fall back into places then it is meant to be..
People are taking the you see broke Lane hence her outcome. But I don't care. You were either rich or poor when she married you.
If you were rich and became poor later, then she should be encouraging you to get back out there without trying to nag you to death
If you were poor before she married you then she signed up for this and she should keep quiet and manage her situation..
Ewooooooooooooooo
ReplyDeleteOga is passing through indirect DV?
Stella biko look into this till I hear from his wife inugo**wipessweat**
#YourLegacyLivesOnProfDoraAkunyili*7/6/14
*Prayer For Nigeria in Distress x10 Daily*
Lmao @ Ewooo!
DeleteDoll kedu?
I am fine, sisterly@Diva, beleiving you are too. Kisses
Delete#YourLegacyLivesOnProfDoraAkunyili*7/6/14
*Prayer For Nigeria in Distress x10 Daily*
Divorce is a sensitive issue. Your wife might probably reply.
ReplyDeleteI'll chip in something when i have looked at it from both standpoint.
For now no comment in *Lady May's voice*
Poster... Ur a pretender. R u sure ur nt d 1 with reproductive issues? Ur wife cant b raving mad xcpt u triggered smtin. I dnt believe dis story. Ill like to read frm ur wife. Men dat quote too much bible verses r always up to no gud.
ReplyDeleteExcuse me
DeleteSome women are raving mad
Some ladies are uncouth
Haven't you seen the way some people reply people here to the extent of mentioning both generation unborn and they are ladies??
Haven't you seen ladies outside to see how they behave. Only the very cultured are civilized and act right
Then don't even try marrying a feminist because you would here how she can't do this and that and insult you at the smallest provocation..
Dear Poster how dd things degenerate to this level? *rme* where dd u two meet? How long have u two being married? Hmmmm am lost for words on ur behalf?
ReplyDeleteAm sure you are really a gentle man hence her reasons for taking you for granted. Meanwhile with all you wrte, I can't judge her yet cos it's a one-sided story. I really wish she send in her own part of the story.
ReplyDeleteHmmm I so much feel ur pain, just that the bible forbides divorce if not I would ve advice u to because I really understand wat u re going through becos have got a frnd that is passing through same predicament as urs. Because one can't die of sadness cause of unhappy marriage. Even we that not married yet, are scared of going into it cause of situations like this. My advice every1 should look very well before leaping into the institution of marriage. Maybe u too aren't meant for each other. It isn't a do or die affair. You alone knows what u re passing through. Turn to me to talk to if u need any1 to share ur mind with.
ReplyDeleteDid I read ur last line well, this is a married man o!
DeleteNawaao,this woman u take style dey advertise your market. The wife is still there o. Dem never divorce. Abeg wait for your turn aunty gweg.
DeleteWhite berry, u r sick. Your kind are usually home breakers and side chics. Mtchewwwe
DeleteNa real wah! All i can say is pls take it easy. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to endure. U wear d shoe n know where it pinches. If u're fed up n u think there's nothing u can do to make d marriage work, den u quit. I can't be in an abusive marriage so i won't advice anybody to. Hmmm..... Patch it Father!
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm, speechless much.
ReplyDelete*Ayah Shehu *
Just took PCM,
ReplyDeleteGet even get my brain to comprehend this epistle
Mature minds over to you, will be reading comments to learn a thing or 2
ReplyDeleteThere is no scriptural basis for a divorce here. You seem to know your scriptures well and you know that this is the truth and stated it as such. Your wife is probably frustrated that for a decade, she has been without a child and most natural women will vent their frustrations through nagging and insult as stated. Seek God in fasting and praying instead of seeking for a divorce. That is how a Christian faces the challenges of life. Forgive your wife and ask for her forgiveness wherever you've wronged her for that is the right way to start. There was something you saw in her before you decided to marry her and you must have told her "I love you countless times".
ReplyDelete1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Did you see perservere there?
Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife."
Did you see "hate" there?
You are just a very foolish man, so this blog where all oloshos and ashewos of Nigeria are is where you expect to get scriptural answers? I pity you! The elders have told you the right thing! Go ahead and divorce your wife if you want, it is your decision, but as a Christian you claim, I expect you to know more than that. While I sympathize with your condition, I am sure you don't have enough ground to divorce her. Very soon all types of runs girls will be advising you and saying so much rubbish, people that are not even born again! I am SMH at you, repent for the kingdonm of God is at hand
ReplyDeleteHahaha d first sentence tho. It's not easy for a person to admit that they are "olosho or ashewo" so for u to start ur comment by calling urself an olosho/ashewo is soooo epic! Buhahaahhaha good laugh
DeleteHahahaha. Lolz
DeleteSome women are so foolish....almost ten years of marriage and no issue..instead of u to be praying to God,u are frustrating ur husband...
ReplyDeleteU don't even know if it's ur useless character that is making u have delay in childbirth..
Oga,sometimes u men lie to gain pity until we hear d woman's version but if all u said it's really true,pls sir divorce her...then give urself time to recover and marry another woman that will give u peace and child...
Tomorrow she will be cursing d man for leaving her forgetting she caused it all...ode..horseband that people are looking for..ur eye go soon clear.
Just my tot: probably the man is the cause of the childlessness in the marriage and to crown it again no money hence the lady's frustration. I agree with you we need to hear from the other side..
DeleteBut oga you wear the shoe n knows where it hurts, if u cant bear it then take some time out.
oga ask ur wwife to reply us then we will know if u r lying.For all i know uv quoted d scriptures to suit urself.What if u r d one at fault? u sited no money abeg who loves a broke man these days?Love is never enough to sustain a marriage.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore where had u gone wrong in the past?women are not foolish they never forget.So if u caused it i wish u well.
Finally, lemmi speak in some peoples voice.Are u fat?obese? unsexy?Do u spray perfume?Do u fart?Are u ugly or dirty?
Hahhaahhaha at are u fat?..dirty?...do u fart?.. Hilarious!!
DeleteWe need to hear the woman's side.I am sorry poster but o don't really trust you..there's something about you that I'd not in this narrative..
" but I don't"
DeleteLet's assume the man is telling the truth. If the wife were to tell her side of the story, someone who according to the husband is an actress. So much so,that she could convince the elders who have tried to intervene. Pls tell me how we, who do not know them personally (mere online readers)would be able to judge accurately who is wrong here.
DeleteThe way I see it,the man should make money or just leave for his own peace of mind. 10yrs is a long time mehn!
I am not in support of divorce, but if it's not working on the basis of the excuses as stated above, u can opt for separation before thinking of divorcing her, maybe then she might have a brain reset. This advice is only applicable if truly she is what you stated above ooo.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm...I'm really lost for words too.
ReplyDeleteMan, why not go on your knees and ask God to intervene in your marriage, tell him to touch your wife.
I mean..that's what everyone would have advised if twas your wife that sent in the chronicle.
May God help you. If you really are a christian, then you understand divorce is not an option, you can separate for a while tho.
Maybe you should leave her in the house for sometime and go clear your head. Tis well with you.
MR poster, since ur wife is a BV....i await her response to your chronicle...But from your write up it is very clear that your marriage lack proper communication and the fact that the marriage is without children has contributed to your marital problems. i sense frustration on the part of your wife.
ReplyDeleteBefore i completely embraced atheism, i read & digested that bible, Yes! It subjects and portrays women to be slaves in this world, women 2day do alot of things the bible openly condemns, its all not considered a sin in this jet world.... They're aren evn meant to climb the pulpit to preach, along side alot of ridiculous laws especially in the old testament, do my dear poster, u seem to be a fanatic, judging by the bible quotes, if uve been seeing ur wife as a helper or slave in whatsoever way, maybe she got to the wall finally and can only fight back in the best way as u have described in disgust.... Am sure she'd have a fascinating side of this story.
ReplyDeleteFYI, too many couple 2day divorce on grounds of the unimaginable, not basically wat the bible says.
Shut up
DeletePoster
ReplyDeleteU are broke and that's why ur wife is disrespectful.
Go and make money and watch her worship u. Inugo
I don't pity all dis broke ass brothers again
Yes I said it!!!
That was how one brother was telling his wife to manage meanwhile he was busy spending the little change he has on babes.
I was shocked to see him at one joint with a babe during Xmas.
Even DH shock sef cos d man holy holy to much.
Dis is a man that his wife still fixes synthetic hair all in the name of managing. So. U see this men are not loyal.just spend the money.infact from today i concur with linda eze execpt the lesbo part oh........
#ladiesbewise
Seperation does not mean divorce. Maybe this will make her appreciate you more and amend from her old ways. She might even need it to work on herself too and you on yourself. If it feels right to you, you can give it a try. I pray you both come back after the seperation though.
ReplyDeleteNo children! Something is amiss, there's a deep rooted problem. Sir! Are you infertile or broke?
ReplyDeleteNo matter the situation, you don't deserve such treatment.
Your decision to separate is reasonable only on the ground, that it is a step to reconciliation.
You guys need to see a psychologist or under couple's therapy not elder pastors counsel! Inugo?
See deadly member of bv, I'm sure, she has been taking Ezenwanyi and Linda Eze's advice's, unaware those people could be the most down to earth wives
There is no scriptural basis for a divorce here. You seem to know your scriptures well and you know that this is the truth and stated it as such. Your wife is probably frustrated that for a decade, she has been without a child and most natural women will vent their frustrations through nagging and insult as stated. Seek God in fasting and praying instead of seeking for a divorce. That is how a Christian faces the challenges of life. Forgive your wife and ask for her forgiveness wherever you've wronged her for that is the right way to start. There was something you saw in her before you decided to marry her and you must have told her "I love you countless times".
ReplyDelete1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Did you see perservere there?
Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife."
Did you see "hate" there?
Oga sir, you have painted your wife black here and that is one thing I don't seem to understand here.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how bad your wife is, there must be something good about her. If I may ask? What attracted you to her in the first place?
We have only heard your own version, there are two other versions remaining.
Yeah! Two versions remaining the wife's and the truth.
DeleteAny marriage where their is lack n poverty tends to be this way, full of frustration and bitterness. Oga poster dont throw her away, mind your business for now and try possible ways to make things work in terms of finance, u will surely see her crawling at your feet.
ReplyDeleteDont forget to always pray for her too, its well with your soul.
Na u who wear d shoe knows where it's paining u. If u can't tolorate her again, instead of her pushing u to hit her or commit murder, better leave but u know as a christian, u must remain unmarried till she dies or else, u will be committing adultery. 1 corinthians 7:1-end. Read n be blessed.
ReplyDeletePoster I'm not married but if you are so unhappy in this marriage and you have tried all you can to make it work then let go. You guys can try a trial separation first to see how it goes before thinking of divorce. If your wife dsnt respect you really its terrible. Nothing more demeaning to a man than that I believe. It is well
ReplyDeleteHalf of your epistle is Christian scripture.
ReplyDeleteThe other half is about your wife's behaviour.
2 things I don't understand are what leads, has led, is leading to your wife's behaviour and why you asking a blog filled with Christians, moslem, atheists and Ogun worshippers when you readily have your 'Christian elders' whom you have invited several times to broker peace to advise you.
Ps: Your wife sounds like that blog visitor Stella said she wouldn't hit cus she was already down.
Buhahaha! Ogun worshippers. Oh my days! U r right tho about sticking to the Christian elders
DeleteLmao! But Eka Joy is single na, you no well ra ra lolllz
DeleteDivorce the foolish woman.the bible gave us guideline for a happy home. Wife be submissive.
ReplyDeleteThe man is the head of the family.
There cannot be two captains controlling one ship.
A woman can be in control when she obeys her man. Men are easily manipulated but most women don't know the secret.
An obedient woman can make her husband worship her. For get this feminist nonsense. Without the bible principle marriage cannot work.
Now her attitude is bringing negativity to the home. No children, no money and no love. Inconclusion, your wife is an agent of darkness sent to you from the pit of hell to make your life miserable. The sooner you let her go the better for you.
Who died and made you the judge?
DeleteGbamest!!
DeleteMadam dat ur conclusion may be wrong.
DeleteTomorrow the woman will send her part and you'd change your mouth.
DeleteThere's something the man isn't saying. The woman didn't just start misbehaving
Oga i think a trial seperation might just do the justice. Give her space and let it be for few months lets see how it goes.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the truama
Konji won't let him give her space, and I'm sure he's a "brother" in church, so paying ashawo is out of the question... His only recreation is probably sex and its eating the woman up that upon all the styles she's still not pregnant...
DeleteAtheist funny
DeleteThe queen, you are just too much. Abeg i dont want to laugh with this your comment
ReplyDeletejust passing by..........
ReplyDeleteSome pple will say that divorce is a sin bt they fornicate , commit adultery,kill, lie. Is it not a sin too?
ReplyDeleteIt's safe to say your wife is frustrated. With the way you kept quoting Bible verses, I can deduce the kind of person you are. No woman will be the way you described your wife for no reason. I just wish we can get her own side of the story. No money no children in 10years! The children part I can understand but the money part? And you are talking of deep respect! You sound like one of these lazy pastors that will rather go for evangelism all day and hope for God to send you manner than get an actual job. The type of man that will never satisfy his wife sexually because the Bible condemns some sex activities/positions. So no other person has witnessed your wife's brutality to you to back up your story? in 10years? All you succeeded doing in this chronicle is thrash your wife! Mr Holy Spirit do you not have any blame in what is happening in your marriage?
ReplyDeleteAny sin against the Holy Spirit will NOT be forgiven #Scripture. Be mindful of your words lest you fall into sin. A word is enough for the wise...
DeleteEbony Beauty
10years, no issue, no money,
ReplyDeleteA woman that thinks she is barren, is always angry + no money. Hmmm
What efforts are you personally making towards that.
Madam, can we hear from you?
Hahahhahaahhaah....Am very sure is all these ur grammar dat is getting ur wife angry.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not do or die. Leave her. In another news.....Wike has won in rivers state. Stella how market na...to u n ur boo
ReplyDelete163 comment 2016
It is hard to advise you, but have you tried prayers?
ReplyDeletePoster there is two sides to every story with all the quoted bible verses and angry diatribes you written i still feel that there is something that you are not letting on. is it related to the childlessness perharps? I feel that you should both take a break from all your obligations and spend some time together and see if you can work this out one last time.
ReplyDeleteHM MN its a dicey situation. You both should read today's open heavens daily devotional by pastor Adeboye. To be candid, maybe you guys should try separation maybe that will work. Life's too short to be unhappy.
ReplyDeleteWhen a woman is trying to conceive, she tends to be sooo engrossed in the spirit of looking for a child that every other thing seems not existing in her life. It leads to emotional, physical and spiritual stress. The sight of her menstrual flow sends her into depression. !Oh another month is gone!. May God not allow our enemy to go through ttc.
ReplyDeletePoster, ttc is affecting your marriage. Both of you are going through the societal pressure of trying to have a child by all means.
Seat down together, remind her you still love her despite her not giving you a child after 10yrs of marriage. Take your marriage to a new level where even barrenness itself will flee away from your home. Love as if you just met yesterday. Buy her gifts, Yes you have spent alot of money in different ways trying to have a child. Spend some money in making her happy. Forget having a child for now. Build your home with genuine love. Don't remind her of the need to give you a child or leave your house. Most children do not go to families where there is always discord.
hmmmm. tears.... God please intervene in this home. Let your peace reign in this home. cause them to hear the sound of a baby very soon.
Read .Isiah 54: 1 - end. 1.. Sing Oh Barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud..... 2.Enlarge the place of thy tent and let them stretch forth...... For thou shall break forth on the right hand and on the left...... 3.Fear not, for thou shalt not be ashamed: neighter be thou confounded .... 4. For thy maker is thine husband.......... 10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindess shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the lord that hath mercy on thee... read till the end ....17
Honestly poster, you sounds like a politician to me with this your grammar to just justify your next step, so mr grammarian stop using bible quote like a politician using constitution that he knows not deep of, kindly follow your heart....because I don't really get your excuses, you said bible say you can only divorce base on adultery and fornication, and I don't reconnect where you stated it that she commit either of the two...mamsalam nonsense...
ReplyDeleteNigga is broke??????
ReplyDeletedear poster,i really feel for u cos u alone wear ur shoe and knows where it pinches.however,u sound like a believer so i wud ask u dis question,WWJD?i.e what wud Jesus do? He had all manner of peeps as His twelve disciples.d thief,d hot tempered,d doubter(if there is any word like dat?)e.t.c. but He was able to manage all of dem.is it difficult? maybe!but it is do-able.may God give u d wisdom u nid to do d right thing.God bless u bro
ReplyDeleteHonestly poster, you sounds like a politician to me with this your grammar to just justify your next step, so mr grammarian stop using bible quote like a politician using constitution that he knows not deep of, kindly follow your heart....because I don't really get your excuses, you said bible say you can only divorce base on adultery and fornication, and I don't reconnect where you stated it that she commit either of the two...mamsalam nonsense...
ReplyDeleteSome men can lie nd manipulate issues for Africa. Poster, I am not saying you are telling lies just that I know that there is more to this issue. I am glad that you wrote in cos you would be told d truth here. What av you done to that woman? Try nd also work harder , make more money, whose fault is it that there isn't money in d family. . I hope you do not rely on her to feed you. Even if you divorce her, I am sure that it would be good riddance to bad rubbish.
ReplyDeleteOga are you impotent? Could be a reason
ReplyDeleteAll na sin na.... Even if u watch beyonce video, and ure lookn at her ass, but na u sin pass sha with this ur vulgar display pic.
ReplyDeletePOster pls check yourself and find out what you've not been doing and start doing it. Did you cheat on her?
ReplyDeleteDo you have a love child?
Are you a sit-at home husband?
Do you panel beat her?
Are you lazy?
DO you give her time and encourage her?
Do you take her out atimes?
Pls show her LOVE and protect her against your family.
2 sides to a story.... Madam mk we hear your side as u be Bv, but been childless always brings bitterness, plus lack of cash. The true character of a person shows when he/she is down to nothg, I hv been broke I knw the depression it brings, dnt worry pray to God one day ur prayers will be answered.
ReplyDeletePlease forgive your wife.
ReplyDeletePlease. Some marriages start rocky but with time , it will be like honey. Money and children will come.
XOXO MYSTERY
After 10 years it is still 'starting' be *yimu
DeleteDear Poster, you are to love your wife as Christ loves the church. Question is, how does Christ treat you when u mess up repeatedly? Keep praying for her,and trust God to change her. Your reasons are not solid enough to divorce her.
ReplyDeleteHusband and wife matter no concern me oh!
ReplyDeleteOga you both should start fasting and praying for God to settle you guys and end your misery. This is the devils plan to destroy your marriage. You guys should buy our daily manner and war against haman to pray everyday and also fast. Marriage is not as easy as people think it is. There are a whole lot of challenges in it especially that of a child.
I won't ask you to leave nor stay but come together as a couple to defeat the devil QED.
You can be separated from your wife but you are not allow to remarry. If you can go without sex, then you can go ahead. But I think you are not without blame in this matter. Try to be a better husband, and watch the transformation. You really have to work on yourself.
ReplyDeleteposter With your narrative something would have gone wrong but I can't really judge you now until we hear ur wife's side of the story.
ReplyDeleteAs usual,
ReplyDelete"I AM THE QUEER AND DOG OF THIS BLOG" HAS CONCLUDED THAT THE MAN IS POOR. What a deluded hypocrite!
As usual,
ReplyDelete"I AM THE QUEER AND DOG OF THIS BLOG" HAS CONCLUDED THAT THE MAN IS POOR. What a deluded hypocrite!
story. No money no children in 10years!........ u r v bin doing what?........infact , m speechless ojesus fix it
ReplyDeleteThis blog is obviously a feminist blog. Stella you are a feminist, your likes believe women do no wrong, if this was sent in by a woman I know you normal lines you will send but its all good cox na woman full this blog pass so I will pretend to understand.
ReplyDeletePoster,
ReplyDeleteExactly what has your wife done ? Come on the comment section and give us specific examples. What is the employment status of both of you ? who is the bread winner ? what is the medical condition ( you or your wife) that has prevented both of you from having kids ?
We need more details in order to give you sound advice. What you posted up there is very vague, just accusation after accusation and a lot of bible quoting. Give us more details (in the comment section), and let your wife read this so she can send in her own part of the story as well. Only then will you be able to get sound advice that will actually be helpful to both of you.
Dear sir, has she always been like this or did you do anything to trigger her erratic behaviour? It's very strange to see a marriage go south where the couple apply the Biblical principle of men loving their wives and wives submitting to their husbands. It's usually when the men refuse or neglect to love their wives, that the wives start acting up because they don't feel appreciated. If the facts as adduced by you are true, then something is seriously wrong somewhere. The natural order of man and wife relationship is, when a man shows his wife love, submission to him comes naturally.
ReplyDeleteFrom your narrative, I perceive your mind is somewhat made up to leave. Perhaps you are hoping to get support to justify your decisions but that's actually a good sign because if you are truly done with the marriage, we wouldn't be reading this, you would have left ages ago. I believe your Christian values are what is keeping you shackled in a loveless marriage. What we, christians, fail to realise is, staying in a miserable marriage just because we feel "God hates divorce", only makes us hypocrites.
Please don't get me wrong, I don't endorse divorce lightly. I only recommend it as a last resort when life or limb is at stake. However, I want you to know that the resentment and bitterness a person harbours towards his/her spouse, is as grave a sin as divorce. So staying in a dead marriage to please family members or spiritual leaders carries the same penalty as divorce, maybe worse because you are adding deceit to the mix. You may be hailed by people for keeping Biblical principles but you don't fool God because HE sees through the lies and deceit.
The only reason to keep enduring a bad marriage is to work on improving the marriage. God doesn't want HIS children to be miserable and stuck in a bad situation because we feel we impress God by not divorcing, whereas in our hearts we are like divorced couples cohabiting. Stay and work on your marriage but don't be a hypocrite. Keep praying for divine intervention because there's no marriage God can't restore as long as both parties are willing to remain married.
I will recommend temporary separation. Sometimes it's necessary to live apart and experience life without your spouse. Some people have no idea how valuable their spouses are until they feel like they are about to lose them. As long as you don't have feelings for another woman, moving out temporarily can be cathartic for both of you. I suggest you use the time apart to seek the Lord and ask for guidance and grace. Some marriages become blissful after separation, it's like rediscovering yourself, as long as both parties remain chaste.
Take time out to discover how to be a better husband, date your wife the way you did before the marriage. It takes two to tango, there's something you are doing or not doing that makes your wife react the way she does. It's possible that she's hurting because both of you don't have kids yet and you may be misunderstanding her actions. If both of you can remain married for almost a decade without the bond of children or a child, then the marriage can be resuscitated. I wish you the best and peace with whatever you decide to do.
#e-bearhugs.
As a husband you have the right to call your wife and ask her what the problem is and how to tackle it. There are things you do to her that make her react that way.
ReplyDeleteIf i where you, i will call her and show her some love, help her with some house chores and see her reactions. The person you described up there is a frustrated being.
In addition, if you decide to explore the separation route, please do it the right way. Separation in this context is not a prelude to divorce. It's to give each other space to re-evaluate, hopefully reconnect and come back stronger. This is not the time to keep any grudge. You can call her on the phone to ask how she's doing, show her tenderness in spite of the separation. Even if she gives you the cold shoulder, don't be discouraged. Keep praying and try again.
ReplyDeleteDate your wife all over again. That you are separated doesn't mean you can't ask her out for lunch or dinner, she's still your woman after all. Buy her gifts and surprise her with them, you need not break the bank to please her. You claim you show her love? Why not step it up 70x7 times? If you're genuine, God will reward your labour of love. Pray to God to remove every trace of bitterness from both your hearts because bitterness is silently toxic to any marriage.
Some men are goat in human skin they dont provide at home, and when the woman revolt they start crying foul.
ReplyDeleteI know that some women are wicked like that woman that washes her private part to cook 4 her husband but men are devil incanate without sense.
ReplyDeleteMr. Husband, why are you allowing your wife to make your life miserable. You think you can't survive without her? Disappear to another place she cannot reach out and start life again. Trust me she will be the one looking for you. I broke myself from such a miserable relationship where the wife listens to outsiders and want to run my home like the lord of the house and would emotionally blackmail me. Now she is sending emissaries to come and beg. Because right not good things are coming my way. Be bold and be strong. Don't kill yourself for such a woman.
ReplyDeleteHi poster what a dilemma. Sorry you r going through this.
ReplyDeleteFirst off you need to be honest to yourself
1. When you met this wife. What dud you intuition say
2. Did you personally pray about your union
3. Did you do due diligence
4. Do you love urself. Love from the Heavenly Father unconditional do you know you're loved by God.
5. Only His Grace can restore
6. You attract what you got. Both of you are manifesting same characteristics differently
All things work 2gether for good.
Personally hear from God. And pray Ps 23 putting both your names. And 1st Corinthian.
Then you know the root of your wife manipulation and the root y you are a doormat
I faced a similar disrespectful lady. The steps above r what the Lord told me. I took my own accountability for not listening to personal guidance.
Divorce is better than staying frustrated in marriage.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster
ReplyDeleteSomething made your wife turn into such a monster you have painted her to be. She is angry, frustrated and ready to punish you. Since you have no money, and no child, the source of her frustration is easily identified.
She tells lies? That's another angle to the drama. She knows what she's doing. She's also testing your patience to see how long you can take her bad behaviour.She continues with it because you let her.
Let me borrow you a line from late Christy Igbokwes' song..
"Maybe you need to stay apart for a while..
Just stay apart for a while...
Everything will be alright again..."
And in that period of staying apart, get something real tangible doing.
Make money..
Women who don't respect their husbands usually do so either because the man is poor or the man is impotent...
Start making money and watch her respect for you grow...
Above all.. pray..
I have seen miracles happen simply because I prayed.
There's a strong connection between women and comfort. I didn't know this fact until God put me through fire, it was then I saw the unpleasant side of my "godly" wife. I think women are not cut out for trials - very few of them can endure, let alone respect a man who lacks the wherewithal to take care of the home front.
ReplyDeleteBro, I suggest you start praying for, and with, your wife against the forces of darkness - that is if she has not bailed out on you yet. The powers of darkness are bent on destroying your home. Please don't allow them.
I'll like to talk with you privately. You may drop your email address or phone number for further discussion.
Brother you are a Jwit?? Truth is if u are not happy then end it.
ReplyDeleteYou really have to hear from the other party before passing any judgement or opinion
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible talks about Sarah calling her husband "Lord". That is the kind of deep respect you want. But what kind of man was Abraham? you should remember that Abraham was a rich man who provided for Sarahs needs. Gave her a maid and all the comfort she required. A woman will find it easy to call such a man "Lord". Plus, Abraham was also childless. For so many years. But he wasn't broke. There, my bro, lies your answer..
ReplyDeleteCan you match Abraham??
you sound like the kind of man who will always answer when his wife asks him for money.."God will provide...." Why will she not turn nasty?
ReplyDeleteSDK BV's please I ve you people to start being sympathetic to people who are hurting and send in Chronicles without judging. If the wife turns in her own story, fine then that will help us give more balanced advice. It's not fair to assume or conclude he's at fault just coz more women send in Chronicles complaining of men. Let's judge on the face of what we've been told until it is countered.
ReplyDeletePoster I'm so sorry for what you both are going through. I think money is the main issue here. And of course the childlessness. Have you knelt down and committed this painful and volatile situation into the hands of the Holy Spirit? He is our Helper. He shows us a better way, the best way.
ReplyDeleteAsk your wife to kneel just for 5 minutes, hold her hand and pray with her. Cry with her. Both of you should call on Jesus to heal and restore your finances, your hearts, your relationship. He will surely answer. Don't give up on your marriage. There is hope. With God, all things impossible become possible.
Dear Lord,please take control of this couple and give them your guidance, your wisdom and your forgiveness.
It shall be well with you!
unfortunately, the truth is she does not love you and she is taking out her frustration of being stuck with you out on you.
ReplyDelete2 options
make her fall in love with you. youre not an angel... look for ways to make her love you
or get divorced.
I have learnt, no matter who you are, to always hear from both sides. That been said the Church cannot decide for you what you should or want to do. It seems to be that you are looking for someone to goad you on and somehow take up responsibility for your decision.
ReplyDeleteSeparation in other to try and better appreciate the other isn't a bad thing alot. Perhaps the both of you can, in staying away for a particular period of time, understand what you both need in a partner. Money and children can't do that. Communication is both ways. You need to understand that In any relationship all parties are to blame. The ratio of the blame I can't ascertain. Until you make up your mind what you're going to do love her. Compliment her. Notice her. Care for her. Write down all the reasons you love her and why you married her in the first place. The bible says wives should respect their husband but it also says Husbands should love their wives. Find the connection not the easy way out.
As for the money issues what exactly is the challenge. Get a job, do anything legal and meaningful please! You are the head of the home so don't blame your wife if she looks up to you to lead her. All the best.
stupid man what did u do to your wife? some men will be causing you grief but when u react they will come and paint u like a witch.....till we hear from your wife
ReplyDeleteI find it difficult to believe that a WITNESS couple can carry their family problems to the WORLD.
ReplyDeleteIf you cannot trust your elders,
Then i swallow my comment.